Balance seems to be the word for me these days in every area of my life! Balance between being mom and running an agency, balance between faith and stupidity, balance between disciplining my children and tearing them down, balance between speaking truth into people's lives and putting my nose where it doesn't belong, balance between being an alien in this world but still being salt and light....
I long to live a life glorifying to God, well, at least most days! Yet lately I have really struggled with this world not being my home. I am so uncomfortable here, and I really don't like to be uncomfortable. I find myself flip flopping between being so excited about what God is doing that nothing else matters and resenting the fact that I can't pursue the things of this world (ie: more money, nicer clothes, etc). I think I am in an identity crisis! It sounds so simple to be able to say, my identity is in Christ. Period! The things of this earth have nothing for me! And it truly is that simple.....so why the struggle?
So I continue to look for balance....and right now that means going to bed so I can start again in the morning!
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Monday, February 5, 2007
What are your giants?
I am just about to finish reading Chasing Daylight by Erwin McMannus. It most definitely heralds as the most thought provoking book I have read in some time!
McMannus writes, "If you're going to seize divine moments, you must be willing to face your giants. Remember the Philistines were the people of giants. That was the family of Goliath and his brothers." The Philistines possessed the land that God has promised to the Israelites and had called them to take possession of. However, the giants stood in the way. The Israelites had to face their giants to take possession of the land God had promised...the land flowing with milk and honey.
This got me to thinking...what are my giants? Well, at this point in my life, I have many! Probably the biggest is the fear of failure (failure to be a Godly wife, failure to be the mom I need to be, failure to hear God). Then there are the giants associated with the adoption agency. What if an adoption fails? What if I look bad for a decision I make or because of something that is out of my control? What if a child dies? It would be much easier to just be a stay at home mom who just goes about her daily chores of cleaning and caring for my family! But that is not the promised land God has for me. My promised land is filled with these giants, and if I want to claim it, I must face them head on!
Then there are the personal giants of finances (my addiction to house decorations, clothes for my kids, wanting more period!), food (my using food as a comfort instead of turning to The Comforter keeps me from losing the weight that effects my physical ability to complete tasks God calls me to because of out right fatigue).
I am ready to claim my promised land! I am ready to face the giants! I am sure not every battle will end in success. I know there will be times that I fall short and go back to the wilderness because the giants look bigger than ever. But later in the book McMannus talks about the journey..the journey to where God is calling and the journey to the divine moment. The journey that will bring me face to face with the giants! I have to admit that last night I had an all out fit with God. I confessed that I want His best for my life! I desire the intimate walk with Him, but I don't want the battles that will come on the journey to that best and intimacy. And as my Heavenly Daddy always does, He reminded me ever so gently through the words of McMannus, "Do you want the outcome without the journey? Because if that's the case, I don't know how to tell you to get there."
I am ready for the journey...battles and all! I will face the giants and God will provide me the five little stones and the slingshot to whack those giants right between the eyes and watch them fall to the ground. Then I will walk right over them onto my promised land and claim it for the glory of God! Bring on the giants!
McMannus writes, "If you're going to seize divine moments, you must be willing to face your giants. Remember the Philistines were the people of giants. That was the family of Goliath and his brothers." The Philistines possessed the land that God has promised to the Israelites and had called them to take possession of. However, the giants stood in the way. The Israelites had to face their giants to take possession of the land God had promised...the land flowing with milk and honey.
This got me to thinking...what are my giants? Well, at this point in my life, I have many! Probably the biggest is the fear of failure (failure to be a Godly wife, failure to be the mom I need to be, failure to hear God). Then there are the giants associated with the adoption agency. What if an adoption fails? What if I look bad for a decision I make or because of something that is out of my control? What if a child dies? It would be much easier to just be a stay at home mom who just goes about her daily chores of cleaning and caring for my family! But that is not the promised land God has for me. My promised land is filled with these giants, and if I want to claim it, I must face them head on!
Then there are the personal giants of finances (my addiction to house decorations, clothes for my kids, wanting more period!), food (my using food as a comfort instead of turning to The Comforter keeps me from losing the weight that effects my physical ability to complete tasks God calls me to because of out right fatigue).
I am ready to claim my promised land! I am ready to face the giants! I am sure not every battle will end in success. I know there will be times that I fall short and go back to the wilderness because the giants look bigger than ever. But later in the book McMannus talks about the journey..the journey to where God is calling and the journey to the divine moment. The journey that will bring me face to face with the giants! I have to admit that last night I had an all out fit with God. I confessed that I want His best for my life! I desire the intimate walk with Him, but I don't want the battles that will come on the journey to that best and intimacy. And as my Heavenly Daddy always does, He reminded me ever so gently through the words of McMannus, "Do you want the outcome without the journey? Because if that's the case, I don't know how to tell you to get there."
I am ready for the journey...battles and all! I will face the giants and God will provide me the five little stones and the slingshot to whack those giants right between the eyes and watch them fall to the ground. Then I will walk right over them onto my promised land and claim it for the glory of God! Bring on the giants!
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