For Debbie and Karen

Debbie posted a comment on my last post. It was a very honest and straightforward post. I like that. The only problem, Debbie, is that you don't know me. You make many assumptions in your comments that are not true, but part of being transparent on a public forum like a blog is that criticism such as yours from people who don't really understand/know your heart come.

I assure you that I am not just sitting back and saying God doesn't exist. If that were so, I would not be feeding 51 children with my own personal money as well as the many other things I am doing.

However, in Job that you quoted, Job does question! So I don't believe as you alluded that it is wrong to question at all! What would be wrong is to stay there. This is why I am fasting and praying...in order to not stay there.

Any Christian I know who has stretched themselves beyond themselves have had the same questions I have had. One of the reasons I share is because I don't believe enough Christians share their struggles. Most Christians in the churches I have been in put on their masks and tell everyone they are "fine" when they are really dying on the inside. I believe if more of us would be honest, and walk through these crisis of faith with each other in love without criticism and blame, more Christians would take more risks. But when you take a risk and find yourself in unknown water, there usually is not another brother or sister to walk with you because that would mean they would have to admit they had a weakness too...not many are willing to do that.

If one person can relate to what I have written and continue on in a walk with God because they know they are not alone in their struggles, then putting myself out there to be criticized is worth it.

And, Debbie, you hit the nail on the head with one of your comments....you alluded to people being the ones to not do things. To that I say, AMEN! If more "Christians" were doing more, we wouldn't have orphans, or poverty or many other things...at least not nearly to the extent that the world does right now! So if you are reading this and haven't done something to help someone less fortunate than yourself in the last month, I challenge you to do something...serve at a soup kitchen, donate food to a food bank (and not just the stuff that you won't eat..have your family skip a meal and donate that meal to the food bank!), donate to an organization that feeds orphans (I could put you in touch with a really good one! hint!hint!), or just take a sack of groceries to the door step of a family that you know is in need. If we would all do just a little bit....we would impact the world for Christ....

and despite what my latest posts have said, that is truly the heartbeat of my life, and those who truly know me and know the struggles that are in my life right now, know that...I am just being stretched right now....and being stretched is always painful and difficult!

Karen, thank you for understanding, relating and being willing to put yourself out there too (Crissy too!). You ladies are dear to me! And Karen, YES, let's do it together! Burdens are always lighter when divided among friends...and this is why I love the Body of Christ!

What a quote!

I have been looking for blogs on foster care, so I checked out my friend Amy's from an adoptive mom yahoo group I belong to. They have just been through a trying foster ordeal! But since John and I are praying about it, I wanted to read more about it. I process things so differently than John, and it makes times like this very stressful at our house!

When Amy's blog came up, I looked at her title bar and saw this quote. It has haunted me ever since:

"Sometimes I'd like to ask God why He allows poverty, famine, and injustice in the world when He could do something about it...but I'm afraid God might ask me the same question." -Anonymous

wow! That says it all!

Go check out Building the Blocks, you will be blessed!

Re-Entry

Re-Entry - that is the term I use for coming home. When you travel to a third world country, there is a re-entry phase you have to go through when you come back into our society of plenty! The first time I was in Africa and then returned home, I had to leave Wal-Mart the first time I was in there because I was just angry at the injustice of it all. Here we are with all we need and most of what we want while half way around the world there are people starving and dying.

I always thought that re-entry would get easier the more trips I took. But I am finding the exact opposite to be true. It seems that each return from Liberia makes it harder and harder to reconcile the two worlds. This time has been really difficult.

Partly because of the battle I am fighting and the waiting for people in a country with starving children to move so I can help their children. That is frustrating! But God reminds me daily that He is still on the throne, and in HIS timing all will be in place for me to do what He is calling me to. I am just not very good at waiting....and I know the financial demands of running a children's home with 59 children and 14 staff...and I know our bank account balance! That brings a little fear to me...but God reminds me to trust Him, so I have to turn that over to him pretty much on an hourly basis right now!

But I digress! I have really struggled this time. I think in part because I saw more devastation this time. I went to places that are more remote. And then a big part of God's movement on this trip was meeting a man who works in a county (Liberia's word for "state") that is a two day drive from Monrovia. He showed me pictures of the village he has been working in. No one wears clothes! It is that remote and poverty stricken. They don't walk around unclothed because they don't know any better, they walk around unclothed because they don't have the resources to clothe themselves! There is more to this story, and I will be sharing it with all of you later. But for now, this is the part that has me stricken.

In my quiet time today, God took me to James. I only got through the first chapter. It was a great reminder about why God doesn't work on our time table. The first few verses are the wonderful words, "consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." Endurance...not something that is really a product of our society! You want something to eat, go to a fast food place or pop something in the microwave. If it takes more than an hour to prepare and cook, I usually skip it! Having trouble in your marriage, get a divorce. Don't like how your boss is treating you, quit and get a new job. And in the adoption world, I see more and more, the child doesn't "fit" your family, disrupt! We are a society of quick fixes and escape routes.

So this concept of endurance is foreign! I struggle with it on a daily basis. I know God is working in Liberia...and of course in my heart! But I want the tangible solutions NOW! Actually, I want them yesterday! I want adoptions moving so families can be united, finances are not a struggle, the work that God has called us to in Liberia outside adoptions can continue, etc, etc. But God is saying, wait and trust! I don't understand it! It makes no sense to me that God wouldn't allow us the resources to do the things He has called us to. It makes no sense to me that we have 33 children in an orphanage with parents, families, waiting to love them and hold them. But that is why God is God and not me! He sees the whole picture, and I just see one piece. So I must wait.

So there is the endurance part of it. But I have come to learn that waiting in the Christian walk is not a passive word, it is an active word. The wait is when God transforms me, then the outcome is just that much sweeter because I see His glory revealed.

As I continued to read James 1, the last verse pierced my heart. It is probably the most commonly quoted scripture in adoption circles: "Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress." But there is more to that verse! As I read it, God pierced my heart. The last part is, "and to keep oneself unstained by the world." Wow! The word in the Greek for unstained means "spotless, without". I am to be without the world! The world is not to have its mark on me! Oh how I miss that mark!

I am learning something about myself....I am an all or nothing kind of gall. That might sound like a good trait, but it makes my life really difficult. It makes finding balance all but impossible! It means I have a hard time going to work when the family needs me, and it means having a hard time shutting work off when I come home. Especially the work I do since it is a ministry that involves people's children, hearts and even souls. I know any of you in ministry can relate!

This all or nothing trait really complicates re-entry! When I am in Liberia, I am looking at all the needs. I see so many that $50 will give them tuition for this year to graduate high school. Just $50, that is just a portion of my clothes budget for my family that already has full closets! But these people don't even have money to eat, much less $50 for school. That is just one example of a multitude! So when I am there, I am going through our budget in my mind...cutting back in all areas so that we can give more to people who really are in need. I am motivated. I am in that world, all in!

BUT....then I return home! I am overwhelmed by the needs I left behind. I start hearing the little voice in my head that says, "The needs are too many. You will never make a dent in them." Then I turn to my world, all in! My conviction to send our clothes budget to people needing tuition melts away when I see the perfect Easter dress for Ava even though she already has a pretty dress that would work just fine.

I am supposed to be unstained by this world. I know there are many ways that we can be "stained" by the world, but finances are a tough one for me and John! We buy into the world's lies that we have to have it all, and as Americans, we feel we deserve it all.

I am not saying we should sell all our possessions and live as paupers. God placed us here, in America, in this society, and it is ok to live here. But there is balance! While I believe God is ok with us having a nice home, cars that run, nice clothes to so we look presentable, I believe He is saddened by our excess. I believe He wishes we would look to others more.

This morning, He was convicting me. Don't put your American head in the sand and pretend like you didn't see what you saw! Do the work. It will be hard, but look at your budget. Examine your heart. See where you can sacrifice the desires to give someone a need! I am a long way from having this part of my life under God's authority! But this morning, He reminded me again that while He wants me to care for orphans and widows, He is just as concerned that I remain unstained by this world....and that includes in the game of keeping up with the Jones!

Please help the starving children!

I have a dear friend whom I have never met face to face...in fact, I wouldn't know her if she walked up to me right now. However, she is a kindred spirit! She has pulled me up out of the pit many times in the work that I do, and I am thankful that God brought her into my life.

She is the Ghana country coordinator for AAI. She is leaving later this month for a trip to Ghana. She has become aware of an orphanage there that has many children and no food. The children are literally starving! Can you help? Go to her blog for all the details and instructions on how to make a donation. Five dollars doesn't sound like a lot, but in Ghana, it will go a long way....so even if you can only give five or ten dollars, please do it.

"the righteous is concerned with the rights of the poor" Proverbs 29:7

"He who shuts his ear to the cry of the poor will also cry himself and not be answered." Proverbs 21:13

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