We have a date! Callie discovered Princess M on TARE the first of October. She came to live with us November 23, and on May 19, 2011, she will officially become Paizley Ruth Petree - in case you are follwing, YES, that is a new name! :) Naming a 15 year old has its challenges! She got tired of Isabella, so this is it! It is officially on the court papers!
Haven't blogged much about his journey lately. Haven't felt like I have much good to say, so I've done what my momma taught me and just kept quiet! It's hard! Much harder than I even thought. Harder for her, harder for me, harder for our family than what I anticipated! Just like the birth of your first child, no amount of reading, talking to people or research can really prepare you for taking in a teen that comes from a wounded past.
But one thing remains the same..I know God called us to her and her to us! I don't doubt that at all! It is what keeps me going on the good days and causes me to shake my finger at Him on the bad days. I morn my life before November 23 on many days. Things were so much simpler. I'm not sharing anything that Paizley and her dad and I haven't discussed together. There are many times she morns her life before us also. It was easier before someone had expectatons and cared she says. I can understand that on some level.
But as I tell her and we tell ourselves, God didn't call us to the easy life, He called us to the Holy and righteous life! He is refining all of us through this! I trust Him (most days) to bring beauty from these ashes....I trust on faith because sight truly just sees lots of ashes most days....and not just hers, but mine! Bringing her home has been the most fault magnifying thing I have ever done! But as a worship song says that we sing often at our church, I will beleive by faith I am who He says I am, and I will continue to try each day to learn how to be a mother to this life that God has entrusted to us!
And on May 19, it will be legal and official! Will be glad to have that day behind us and praying the impact of what it means will rock her to her core as someone has finally done what they said they would do!
Friday, April 29, 2011
For Inspiration...
If you want to be inspired, read my friends' new blog! Melody is taking a journey to correct what her mother didn't correct as a child, but she is doing what I pray my children from hurtful pasts will do...she is allowing God to transform her and provide her worth and beauty instead of being defined by her past! Visit Lovely in His Sight if you need some inspiration.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
If not me than who?
The thing I tell people about adopting period, but especially through the foster system is that you have to be prepared for anything. We learned in Noah's adoption that God is sovereign. What we "think" we can handle really doesn't matter to Him. He KNOWS what we can handle and He picks our children accordingly! I have learned to trust that. The way we operate is not what can we handle, what illness/handicap/label will we take or what behavior can we deal with. This is not a normal way to look at it...and even as an agency director, I can say would make me nervous for someone I didn't know well enough to know their faith walk to tell me is the way they decide if a child will fit in their family or not! We simply ask God if this is our child. It is how we have done it with every child that has come into our home any way but birth. We don't make a list of pros and cons. We don't ask if we can "deal with" the list of baggage the child comes with. Frankly, if we did, that answer would always be NO!
So in some ways we go into our adoptions with eyes wide open but with blinders on, if that makes sense. We don't deny what we are taking on, but at the same time, we trust God to provide what we need to parent any child He brings to us. Is it scary at times, absolutely! Does my trust waiver at times, more than I wish it did!
The most recent incident of putting this trust into play came with Baby Girl. We had become increasingly concerned because she was not talking. Not just she only had a few words, but NO words. At 12 months, she was using no verbal communication and no affection what so ever. She has no sense of stranger danger and would go to anyone, in fact, many times would go to someone else over me. So we started the battery of tests. Of course, attachment is one of the first things you start thinking when in the adoption realm as this is a "biggie" of buzz words. There were some signs of that. But would that make her non-verbal? Possibly. But are we dealing with more? The appointments began....
I won't go into full detail as this is a public place and never want to expose more of my children than they would want with specifics unless feel directed by God to do so. If you are struggling with some of the same issues and want to chat about your situation, I will be happy to visit with you privately! Just leave me a comment with your e-mail address or way to get in touch with you! Or you can always e-mail me.
I love our pediatrician! He is a very talented doctor who will leave no stone unturned. However, he is not a believer! There are tons of us praying for his salvation, so I believe he will be before God is done with him, but right now, he is not. He usually just shakes his head at me! He doesn't really get what we "do". He thinks its noble, but really doesn't understand why we do it. If I had a dollar for every time he has said, "You have your hands full.", I would be as wealthy as he is!
I wasn't able to go in for the consult with him about Baby Girl, so John handled it this time. I was at another doctor appointment! One of the not-so-fun things of being mom to 6 (almost 7), lost of doctor visits!!! Our pediatricians assessment of Baby Girl carried a diagnosis that I had wondered about since the first day I saw her, but had put to the back of my mind. It is the number one scariest thing for me personally if I were to give you my biggest fear for any of my adopted children. It has the most life-long implications - outside of the more severe handicaps and serious special needs of course. When we first heard the diagnosis (came from a counselor first a few weeks before the pedi), I lost it! I cried every time I tried to talk about it. I was angry! Angry at those in her life who had caused it, angry at God for not protecting her, angry at the system for not doing more for children sooner. Just angry! My Baby Girl was going to have to overcome a disability because of the sins of others. That made me mad! Than anger becomes hurt and fear finds its place as you play through the "what if" scenarios of the next lifetime with this child.
But this wasn't my first rodeo as we say in Texas! When we got all the backlash when we told everyone about adopting Noah and the background of his birth-mom, I had the same thoughts and fears. But the thing that I kept thinking was, "If not me, then who?" There is a child here. This is not a concept. This is not an idea. This is not a what-if. This is a flesh and blood, needing a home, needing a mother child! If I am not his or her mother, then who will be?
Our counselor is a personal friend, and she knows us well enough to not go into the "what this means" with us. She knows that Baby Girl is ours. PERIOD. It doesn't matter if she grew horns and a third arm. She is ours. That is settled. Our pediatrician on the other hand, well, he still just doesn't get it! So when John went to talk to him, he of course had to voice his concerns about life-long implications. The "you really need to consider this before you adopt her" speech.
I guess it took me back as we don't encounter that much anymore since those closest to us know our resolve when it comes to the children God has laid on our hearts as "ours". They may think the same thing as the doctor, and they may think we are crazy, but they don't usually voice it!
Even as John was telling me what he said, I looked into the dark brown eyes right below that curly black hair, and I knew it didn't matter! I am her mother. God blessed me with this precious life. This new news may mean more heart ache. It may mean more trying times. But I am her mother. I am not, then who will be? The thing is, its not just my Baby Girl struggling with this. There are thousands of children in our country right now who sit in foster systems because there is "then who?" for them! I will not add another one to the list because of fears of the enemy! You see, God can overcome ANY diagnosis! I love Dr. Karyn Purvis' view: the only label I will give a child is sinner! As I tell my doctor all the time, you can diagnose them as whatever you think, but if you tell them, I'll kill ya! We haven't done "labels" up to this point and we are not going to start now! Labels do not allow for the healing power of Jesus Christ! Labels do not allow for overcoming and meeting higher expectations.
Do we "consider" it before we complete the adoption. Yes. We consider it a privilege to be trust by God to raise up this Warrior Princess for His kingdom! We consider it a privilege to be entrusted with this fearfully and wonderfully made child who is created in the image of God! And we trust Him to handle all that will come with it!
So in some ways we go into our adoptions with eyes wide open but with blinders on, if that makes sense. We don't deny what we are taking on, but at the same time, we trust God to provide what we need to parent any child He brings to us. Is it scary at times, absolutely! Does my trust waiver at times, more than I wish it did!
The most recent incident of putting this trust into play came with Baby Girl. We had become increasingly concerned because she was not talking. Not just she only had a few words, but NO words. At 12 months, she was using no verbal communication and no affection what so ever. She has no sense of stranger danger and would go to anyone, in fact, many times would go to someone else over me. So we started the battery of tests. Of course, attachment is one of the first things you start thinking when in the adoption realm as this is a "biggie" of buzz words. There were some signs of that. But would that make her non-verbal? Possibly. But are we dealing with more? The appointments began....
I won't go into full detail as this is a public place and never want to expose more of my children than they would want with specifics unless feel directed by God to do so. If you are struggling with some of the same issues and want to chat about your situation, I will be happy to visit with you privately! Just leave me a comment with your e-mail address or way to get in touch with you! Or you can always e-mail me.
I love our pediatrician! He is a very talented doctor who will leave no stone unturned. However, he is not a believer! There are tons of us praying for his salvation, so I believe he will be before God is done with him, but right now, he is not. He usually just shakes his head at me! He doesn't really get what we "do". He thinks its noble, but really doesn't understand why we do it. If I had a dollar for every time he has said, "You have your hands full.", I would be as wealthy as he is!
I wasn't able to go in for the consult with him about Baby Girl, so John handled it this time. I was at another doctor appointment! One of the not-so-fun things of being mom to 6 (almost 7), lost of doctor visits!!! Our pediatricians assessment of Baby Girl carried a diagnosis that I had wondered about since the first day I saw her, but had put to the back of my mind. It is the number one scariest thing for me personally if I were to give you my biggest fear for any of my adopted children. It has the most life-long implications - outside of the more severe handicaps and serious special needs of course. When we first heard the diagnosis (came from a counselor first a few weeks before the pedi), I lost it! I cried every time I tried to talk about it. I was angry! Angry at those in her life who had caused it, angry at God for not protecting her, angry at the system for not doing more for children sooner. Just angry! My Baby Girl was going to have to overcome a disability because of the sins of others. That made me mad! Than anger becomes hurt and fear finds its place as you play through the "what if" scenarios of the next lifetime with this child.
But this wasn't my first rodeo as we say in Texas! When we got all the backlash when we told everyone about adopting Noah and the background of his birth-mom, I had the same thoughts and fears. But the thing that I kept thinking was, "If not me, then who?" There is a child here. This is not a concept. This is not an idea. This is not a what-if. This is a flesh and blood, needing a home, needing a mother child! If I am not his or her mother, then who will be?
Our counselor is a personal friend, and she knows us well enough to not go into the "what this means" with us. She knows that Baby Girl is ours. PERIOD. It doesn't matter if she grew horns and a third arm. She is ours. That is settled. Our pediatrician on the other hand, well, he still just doesn't get it! So when John went to talk to him, he of course had to voice his concerns about life-long implications. The "you really need to consider this before you adopt her" speech.
I guess it took me back as we don't encounter that much anymore since those closest to us know our resolve when it comes to the children God has laid on our hearts as "ours". They may think the same thing as the doctor, and they may think we are crazy, but they don't usually voice it!
Even as John was telling me what he said, I looked into the dark brown eyes right below that curly black hair, and I knew it didn't matter! I am her mother. God blessed me with this precious life. This new news may mean more heart ache. It may mean more trying times. But I am her mother. I am not, then who will be? The thing is, its not just my Baby Girl struggling with this. There are thousands of children in our country right now who sit in foster systems because there is "then who?" for them! I will not add another one to the list because of fears of the enemy! You see, God can overcome ANY diagnosis! I love Dr. Karyn Purvis' view: the only label I will give a child is sinner! As I tell my doctor all the time, you can diagnose them as whatever you think, but if you tell them, I'll kill ya! We haven't done "labels" up to this point and we are not going to start now! Labels do not allow for the healing power of Jesus Christ! Labels do not allow for overcoming and meeting higher expectations.
Do we "consider" it before we complete the adoption. Yes. We consider it a privilege to be trust by God to raise up this Warrior Princess for His kingdom! We consider it a privilege to be entrusted with this fearfully and wonderfully made child who is created in the image of God! And we trust Him to handle all that will come with it!
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Rejection
Rejection. Something I really never have thought a lot about...until the past couple of months. I have had rejection in my life. Mainly at the hand of friends in my pre-teen and teen years. It was hurtful at the time, and in that moment may have felt like the end of the world. But it was not the deep rejection that I have found myself wrestling with over the past little bit. In dealing with adopted children over the past 9 years, I have come to learn a very important lesson: they do not come into your home appreciating all you have rescued them from! That may sound like a "duh" statement, but really, I have seen so many parents who bring children home - especially older children - expecting them to be grateful on some level for what they are doing for them. I knew not to expect gratitude. But in the day to day life of living out parenting a new-teen that has a history of major rejection and pain, I find myself falling into this thought pattern! Why do you not appreciate what you have knowing what you came from? Why do you not love us for what we are giving you? Why do you not just lap up my love instead of fighting against it? As God always does, He is using the parenting of my newest daughter to teach me more about Him and refine me! As I parent her and love her in my flesh, God is revealing a LOT of FLESH that is in me! I don't like it! Parenting my newest daughter has brought out rejection in my own life. It has brought to light a signifcant relationship that I have hit a road block in because of the rejection it has brought. In some ways I am thankful because it is giving me a glimpse of what my daughter is having to go through. It is showing me some of the pain and fear that she is having to overcome to love me. The same fear I have of letting this person into my heart and trusting this person to not break my heart is the same fear and pain she feels as she struggles to allow herself to love me and accept my love. This really came to light this morning as I sought out guidance in the area of rejection. One of my favorite tools for fighting spiritual battles in my life is Beth Moore's Praying God's Word. I've used it alot lately! Concerning rejection, she says, "Rejection in and of itself is not a stronghold. Our reaction to rejection determines whether we become bound by it...How do you overcome rejection? By applying large doses of God's love to your wounded heart daily and by allowing Him to renew your mind until the rejected thinks like the accepted." So that's what I am doing! As I prayed through the scripture prayers Beth has in this section, a certain scripture pierced my heart. Isaiah 49: 15 says, "Can a woman foget her nursing cihld and have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may foget, but I will not forget you." It hit me two ways. First, I have children who I birthed and nursed. That is a bond that is like none other! No wonder God uses it to speak to His people! Yet there are women in this world because we live in a fallen world who because of their own hurts or circumstances do not have that bond! I am parenting some of those children. It creates a spiritual and emotional void, a pain like no other. While I have four children who might fall into this category, my oldest experienced it on a level the others did not for a time frame they did not. The wound is deep. The rejection real. The pain almost unbearable. Her mother forgot her. She forgot her long before she was removed from her. "Forgot" in the sense of not caring for, not loving, not nurturing, not making feel like the precious gift of God she is! Rejected. Fast forward 15 years. Now this new woman wears the title "mother". Guess what?! It's not a warm fuzzy title for this wounded child! It is a name associated with pain, hurt, despair, failure: REJECTION. Over the past few weeks, it has become evident that the feelings of my daughter for her birth mother are being projected onto me in a huge way! It hurts! I wish I could say I have responded with love and grace and mercy. Sometimes I have, but most of the time, I have recoiled. I have not lashed out, but I have withdrawn. Why? Well, because I am dealing with my own feelings of rejection in another relationship in my life. Her rejection hurts. I don't want to hurt. So my defense mechanism goes into play...withdraw. Oh what a mess! The enemy says I wasn't stable enough to adopt this precious one. The enemy says I should have gotten my act together first. The enemy says I made a mistake. The enemy says give her back. But God says, I want to use her rejection to bring yours to light and your rejection to heal hers! How do I figure that? Because Psalm 118 tells me that the stone the builders rejected became the chief corner stone! What the enemy means for evil, God will not only use for good, but will build a whole new life, a whole new work of God on it! Just like He did Jesus! In fact, this verse from Psalm 118 is repeated 7 (the perfect number!) in the New Testament as reference to Jesus and in Ephesians 2:20, it spells it out for us in case we have missed the inference: "Christ Jesus Himself being the corner stone." Does this diminish my pain of the rejection in my significant relationship? No. Does it diminish the pain of the rejection of my precious daughter by her first mother? No. But what it does is give hope! It tells the enemy to SHUT UP! It tells me and my precious daughter that there is healing. BUT (and here is where so many adoptive parents get stuck) it does mean I have to keep my focus on Christ! I have to walk through this! I have to deal with MY issue of rejection in order to help walk her through hers. If I don't choose to do that, then the rejection I feel from my daughter will continue to make me recoil. It will continue to make me withdraw never allowing me to be the picture of Christ and His reconciliation for my daughter that He offers her and me! I am called to be light in darkness....and for now that means right here in my own home! I am called to tell the next generation of His goodness...and that starts with my children! God did not place this child of His in my home to put a roof over her head and food in her tummy...she had that where she was! He brought her here to teach her of His love and His goodness. He brought her here to teach her of His ways so that she will be ready for the good works He has prepared in advance for her to do. He brought her here because He needs us to train her up in the way she should go....unfortunatly for her and us, we are in serious boot camp since we got a late start! But God will redeem that! He promises He will! So what now? Great revelation, but what does it mean for day to day life and getting to the other side of rejection? For me, it means acknowleding my feelings of rejection instead of stuffing them down and pretending they don't exist. Then taking those feelings and applying Romans 8 - I am an heir of God and fellow heir with Christ! Romans goes on to say that I suffer with Him (He suffered the ultimate rejection on every level!) so that I may also be glorified with Him. And even more exciting, Paul goes on to say that the sufferings of my today are not worthy to be compared to the glory that is to be revealed to us! If I will get a kingdom perspective instead of getting bogged down in feelings, emotions, circumstances, then I will push through this, learn even more about the character of God and in the mean time walk my daughter through her rejection and hopefully teach her something more about the character of God as well! Even as I write it, the battle in my mind rages. Choosing the kingdom perspective means letting go of my "right" to my pain that has been caused me by another. I don't want to do that. Period. But if I am going to call myself a Chrsitian and walk this path God has laid out for me, I must. Just like Christ laid down all His rights to go to the cross for me, I must now lay down my rights and walk the kingdom road for Him! The practicality of that is going to mean a daily if not hourly battle of putting on my armor. I have started writing scriptures that speak to me about God's love for me, my position in Him, my abilities in Him on index cards. I will have to keep those with me. I will have to be disciplined to pull them out when the rejection creeps back in. I will have to read them and let the balm of God's word heal my wounds as I walk this path. I am just in a season where I literally rely on God and His word for every breath that I take! The pain of this relationship threatans to overtake me just about every hour of every day. The enemy would love nothing more! But I can't let that happen! My prayer is that God returns to me the joy of my salvation and renews a steadfast spirit with in me! I have been a boat on a wave tossed back and forth for the past few weeks, maybe even months. I am looking to the one who spoke and the waves stopped to calm my sea and set my boat on His course - making me steadfast! And I am having to trust that not only is He able, but that He will! I was there once! I know the feeling of "walking on water" in the sense of seeing the circumstances around me but believing God and walking by faith instead of what I see around me. I lost that somewhere. I'm ready to get it back! My children require that I get it back! My life requires that I get it back! Here we go! One breath at a time...breathing in and breathing out...
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