I Am Signficant

Any of you struggle with insignificance? Can I just tell you that is the number one weapon the enemy has used against me in just about every area of my life for my entire life! I had amazing parents, I was (and still am, by the way!) Daddy's little girl! By all accounts, I should not struggle with insignificance!  Can I tell you something else? The enemy is out to steal, kill and destroy us! He doesn't care what our past is, he only cares what will keep us out of the destiny God is calling us into!

Insignificance has plagued me as a teen who never thought she was good enough for the "in" crowd, to a young adult who was sure no man would ever want what she had to offer because she wasn't what men wanted in a wife.  And now as even a women sure and confident of her calling in life with the blessing of a job in that calling, I have been crippled by insignificance! God has given me dreams and visions for what Addy's Hope can be.  But immediately the enemy comes in with the thoughts, "you are the small agency! You can't do that!"  "You don't have the right degree, the right experience, the right __________ to do that! Just go back to your little corner and take your place among the insignificant people!" And so I would go, head down, tail between my legs, back to my corner all the time telling God why it is I am not enough or don't have enough to do what He has clearly said I should do.

Well, a couple of weeks ago something in me clicked.  I am really not sure what it was.  I don't really even know the exact moment it happened, but at some point the woman inside of me that knows who God made her to be stepped up to the microphone and told those other voices to Shut. Up.

In the last couple of weeks, I have taken steps toward the dreams and visions God has given me for the agency.  I have taken them scared in many cases!  But I have taken them! When I have heard God say, "go here" I have started walking.  He hasn't shown me the destination in most of these circumstances, but I have taken some steps, and I trust that He will show me the next step once this step has come to the end.

Can I tell you something else? I. Like.This. Woman!  I think I want her to stick around awhile!  She tells those voices that say she can't to bow to The Voice that says He made me to do it! Not only CAN I do it, but I WILL do it! When fear starts to creep in she says, "You are welcome to come along for the ride, but you Will. Not. stop me!" When I have taken a step and almost immediately been hit by a circumstance that threatens to knock me off that step into the abyss of doubt and confusion, God has been so faithful to whisper, "But what do I say? You operate in My kingdom!" And I find myself still walking...looking back at that corner I used to return to and realizing the walls have moved and that corner is getting further, and further, and further behind me!

I think there are so many women out there listening to the voices that are sending them back to the corner!  I believe God is doing a work in His daughters! He is calling us out of the corners and into the destiny He has called us to!  We live in a world full of hopeless circumstance, and inside of us, His precious daughters, are the answers to these problems and crisis! It's time we start believing the Truth He speaks about us over the lies we so easily believe! We are clothed with strength and dignity (Proverbs 31:25)! We laugh without fear of the future! What do you say? Will you look for that woman in you that God made you to be? I think if you will stop the lies long enough to get to know her, you will really like her.....and she will stick around leading you into a strength, joy and peace you have never known!  If I can steal a line from a movie that dates me and may not show the best moral compass...It's time we get out of our corners, cause no one puts (insert your name) in a corner! Let's dance this final number with our God who wants to show up and show out with his daughters!! Whose with me?!

When you have done all else....STAND

We are one week and 6 days into life without our oldest daughter.  Honestly, I'm not sure even still what life should look like.  John and I talked about it last night.  We have to face the heart wrenching possibility that she will never reconcile to our family.  We only had her a year and a half.  She may decide to find her "family" somewhere else.  Circumstances right now would say that is the case.  Where she has chosen to place herself is a toxic environment - physically, emotionally and most of all spiritually.  Family and friends ask us, "What now?"

God has given me Ephesians 6:13 twice in the last few days "and, having done all [the crisis demands], to stand [firmly in your place]."  That's what now!  We have just begun attending a new church - a post for a later time - and our new pastor's wife, Tonya, handed me a piece of paper with a couple of scriptures on it Sunday.  This was one of them.  And with it, she had written the Greek for withstand - "anthistemi - to cause to stand; suggests vigorously opposing, bravely resisting, standing face-to-face against an adversary, standing our ground...with the authority and spiritual weapons granted us we can withstand evil forces."  That is what now!  I will stand against the devil himself for my daughter!  I will fight for her until my last breath!  It's what a mother does!

Now before you put me on some sort of spiritual pedestal, understand that the last few days have not been all that great.  In fact, last night, I lost it and sobbed shaking the bed enough to wake the dead - aka John when he sleeps!  I haven't been able to spend as much time in the Word with school starting, so the lies of the enemy began creeping in.  My thoughts wondered to places that had me focusing on circumstances and not Truth.  I have had my moments of despair where I wondered if my heart could ever forgive someone who walked out on me and made the accusations she has made that caused us - and our other children - to walk through circumstances I would never in a million years have dreamed I would find myself.  But as God tends to do in my mothering of all my children, He keeps bringing the correlation between my daughter and myself to my God and me.

I meet with an amazing woman of God each week.  The Truth and wisdom she has been imparting to me over the last year is honestly the only reason I can stand under the weight of what is going on in my family right now at all.  She has taught me the Truth of the Secret Place in Psalm 91 and of how we soar on wings like eagles without growing weary or fainting.  She has taught me how to be hidden with Christ!  I am so thankful.  We started  a new book this week.  And it came with a disclaimer from Becky.  She warned us that we are entering enemy territory because we are about to upset his apple-cart with what we will learn in this book.  My answer....BRING IT ON!!!!  I couldn't even get past the intro without having to stop and process.  It is good stuff!  And it has made me reflect on the past year and a half with Paizley.

The book is Shattering Your Strongholds by Liberty Savard.  Here is one of the nuggets that got me to thinking: "The problem is this: even scripturally correct truth cannot always penetrate a soul that is filled with stronghold thinking....He does not change, bypass, or override our memories and beliefs; He just keeps offering His love and truth until we finally become willing to exchange our old beliefs and old ideas for them." Wow!  I don't think I could sum up the past year and a half with any better words.  In my weakness I take the rejection personally, but when I am standing in faith and trust in God, I see that this whole thing has little to do with me and a LOT to do with a battle over a soul!

God gave me some scriptures for Paizley over a year ago.  If I reacted the way my old self would have - like my old self of about 10 months ago - I would be shaking my finger at God and asking why?! But I am walking in a new lever of trust, faith and understanding of the character of my God!  I know that the path my daughter has chosen is not the path God would have chosen for her.  Just like I walk on paths at times that God would not choose for me.  The fact is, when we do that, we are outside God's perfect will.  His Word is clear that He will not force Himself nor His will on anyone!  We are free to choose!  Liberty Savard says it this way, "This partial verse [1 John 3:8 The reason the Son of God was made manifest (visible) was to undo (destroy, loosen, and dissolve) the works the devil has done] tells us that the reason the Son of God appeared on Earth was to destroy the devil's works - to loosen and dissolve them - and He will provide what we need to do the same thing. This is God's will, but your will has to make a choice to call your life on Earth into alignment and agreement with God's will in Heaven.  God will not force you to do so, but He will help you." (emphasis mine)

So many times Christians become disheartened, and I have done the same thing, because something God gave us to pray for didn't happen.  For me, this has always in the past put me on a downward spiral to doubt and unbelief.  But now I understand many times when the outcome is not favorable, it is because a free will was exerted.  It is important of me, and I think all of us, to understand this so that I don't become disappointed or disheartened with God over the outcomes of circumstances and situations that involve humans!

Now, God doesn't teach me lessons like this to sit in judgement!  He teaches me lessons like this to put the magnifying glass on myself!  You don't watch a child walk away from your family without lots of self-reflection!  At least, I don't see how you could.  As I watch my daughter walk away, I am challenged to ask what I have walked away from?  What has God wanted to teach me that I have turned a deaf ear and blind eye to?  What plan has God had for me that I let circumstances or feelings dictate the path I took instead of standing on Truth!

There are a couple of circumstances in my life right now that are threatened by feelings and sight to cause me to give up.  No one in their right mind would advise me to push forward if I laid out the pro/con list or spelled out the details.  But here's the deal, when we live according to Biblical prinicples, we are not in our "right mind" - we are in the "Mind of Christ"!  And that operates according to rules and order that we don't understand here on earth!  Doubt me?  Jesus was born to a virgin.  Jesus raised Lazerath from the dead and then raised himself from the dead.  Jesus fed 5,000+ with a few loaves and fish.  When society gave up on a woman, he went to the well to meet her one-on-one and spoke life.  Peter walked on water - at least until he took his eyes off Jesus.  Jonah was swallowed by a big fish and spit back up.  And I lived through a child walking out my door with my granddaughter!

So if you are facing a circumstance that seems insurmountable or God has called you to what appears to be the impossible, let me encourage you!  Another scripture that has come up multiple times in different ways this week is Matthew 17   "Then the disciples came to Jesus and asked privately, Why could we not drive it out? ²⁰ He said to them, Because of the littleness of your faith [that is, your lack of ^[h]firmly relying trust]. For truly I say to you, if you have faith [^[i]that is living] like a grain of mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, Move from here to yonder place, and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you."  NOTHING! That word does not leave room for argument - with faith, no thing is impossible for you!  And when you've done all else, stand!  Then watch the enemy run!  James 4:7  I pray you see your mountain start to shake today as you stand in faith and say to it MOVE!  I'm watching mine do the same!  

Laying Down!

So my last post (well last one before the PINK news!) was about picking my life up. I made a conscious decision to lay it back down. This morning both of my devotions were on joy in the midst of trial. I am rejoicing as I read them because yesterday, I experienced that in a way I may never have, because I chose to lay my life down at the feet of my Savior!

Yesterday I dealt with some of the most difficult issues I have ever faced in my life while running a home with 7 children solo and meeting deadlines to get three home studies completed, two of which are on time lines that could mean life or death for the children. I don't say all that to toot my horn, believe me! If anything I have learned over the course of the last 10 years it is that I. AM. NOTHING. without Christ! The days I don't lay it down and let Him drive this car are they days I crash and burn.

But yesterday, I made a conscious decision to lay my life down several times during the day. Going back to scripture when I needed to in order to refocus, in order to not become overwhelmed by the circumstance and situations around me. And you know what? IT. WORKED.

I could read those devotions this morning praising God for the tough things in my life right now. I understand what James means when he writes, "consider it wholly joyful, my brethren, whenever you are enveloped in or encounter trials of any sort of fall into various temptations. Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience." James 1:2-3 AMP I used to read that and wonder what in the world that guy was smoking when he wrote that...and whatever it was, I wanted some!

Well, I've found what he was "smoking"! It was JESUS! And I got me some...and on the days I focus on that, I am able to walk in that same joy and peace...precious peace..regardless of what is swirling around me!

Oswald Chambers says it this way, "Paul says this is the reason we are more than conquerors in all these things, super-victors, with a joy we would not have but for the things which look as if they are going to overwhelm us...tribulation, distress, persecution, produce in us the super-joy; they are not things to fight. We are more than conquerors through Him in all these things, not in spite of them, but in the midst of them. The experiences of life, terrible or monotonous impotent to touch the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." ~Our Utmost for His Highest for March 7. And Sarah Young puts it beautifully in Jesus Calling on her entry for March 7 ~ "Let me help you through this day. The challenges you face are far too great for you to handle alone. You are keenly aware of your helplessness in the scheme of events you face. This awareness opens up a choice: to doggedly go it alone or to walk with Me in humble steps of dependence...So, consider it all joy whenever you are enveloped in various trials. These are gifts from Me, reminding you to rely on Me alone."

God, thank you for my trials! Thank you that they push me further into You and into the depths of who You are! Thank you for walking with me through them. Thank you Holy Spirit for whispering in my ear the words to say, the truths of situations that counteract what the enemy would have me believe. Thank you, oh thank you God, for your peace that passes all understanding so that while the waves are swirling around me, I can stand on top of the water, eyes focused on you and be calm and peaceful. Thank you for allowing me to walk this path. Forgive me for the times I don't see You in it or ask that this cup be taken from me. I ask for you to remind me today when I need to refocus so that what is around the bend ahead of me that only You can see doesn't take me off guard. Thank you for loving me enough to be an ever present God...not just a God of eternity, but a God right now! I love you and am honored to be your daughter! In Jesus name, AMEN!

The Journey: How do you do "it"?

For those of you counting, the referral we turned down would make number 6. Are we crazy? Probably. Why would we do it? Because we are called. And the question I always get, "How do you do it?"

I have thought a lot about that lately. Especially with the consideration of adding one more. When people ask me how I do it, I truly don't know how to answer that. I guess the only answer I can come up with is, "How do you not do it?" God gave me five children. I know without a doubt each child was hand picked by God to be in my home. Each child has his or her own unique finger prints of God all over his or her story. I don't doubt whether any of my children were meant to be here. Knowing that, what else do I do but "it"?

With each child after Ava, I've wondered if we were "done". I was content...especially after Toben. I had my four: two boys and two girls. Perfect! Well, that was when I was judging by the world's standards! God has a plan for my family. A plan that He reveals to me one step at a time. People who have known us for a while usually look at John and say, "when is she going to stop?" The answer to that, when God stops!
With each child, I think I can't do anymore! I'm overwhelmed at first with another little person needing my attention. But once we get in a groove, and God starts whispering to me about the next one, I see that one more would work!
I am not super woman! I am not some special mother who was given a great measure of anything. I am just a simple old housewife who loves the Lord and has a heart for orphans. In fact, frankly, I am probably one of the least likely to have a large family - I have a very difficult time staying organized and schedules pretty well elude me. The larger the family gets, the more crucial these things are!

As I think about how I do "it", there is truly only one answer! I came across it again this morning expressed in Acts 1:8, "you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you." If you look up power in Strong's, it says, miraculous power, might or strength. It is derived from the word meaning, "to be able - to have power." That's it! That's how I do it! It is through miraculous power, might and strength. It is truly not by my might but by His that I am able to parent five children and think of adding another one. When God first started preparing me for the idea of another one, I was pretty overwhelmed, and frankly, scared! But as our loving God does, in my times with Him as I have prayed over this, He has shown me in His Word just how "We" will do it! He's not asking me to do it on my own. He will empower and equip me. If I try to do it on my own like I do so many times in life, I will fail. But if I press into Him and let Him equip me, then one more is totally doable! A week or so ago, I was feeling overwhelmed with just five and John! But God took me to 2 Corinthians 12:9-10. "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness."...for when I am weak, then I am strong."
I have learned that when I can do life by myself, I do! I don't press into God. I coast along taking care of business. But when life is more than I can handle, that is when I spend life on my knees, pressing into God, and only then can God truly be seen in my life!

Do I want to add one more? Some days yes, some days, no! Does it scare me? YES! Most days I feel like I fail miserably in just about every area of being a mother and wife. My house isn't clean enough, I didn't spent enough time with my kids, they watched too much tv, I didn't fix a balanced enough meal, the laundry is piling up, the refrigerator has unrecognizable items in it....the list goes on and on.

But here is the bottom line. God commands us to care for the orphans. Many believe orphan is defined by a child whose parents have died. That is such a narrow definition, and one that I think is totally inaccurate! The children entering our child welfare systems in the US and around the world are orphans! Maybe they are temporary orphans, but orphans all the same. They are in need of a family - a home - a mommy and daddy to love them unconditionally. Some of them make this harder than others. But all children have a right to a home, family and mommy! So whether I have it all together or not, children are in need. As our social worker left yesterday and I asked about children coming in, she actually used the word "epidemic proportions"! We have a crisis...an epidemic! The answer: The Body of Christ! We must step up and care for these children!

Will it make you popular? Nope! Will you be told you are crazy, stupid or a myriad of other things? Yep! But what is God saying? Is he saying that 2.5 children is not the normal family in His kingdom? Is he asking you to be His hands and feet so that He can be a Father to the Fatherless?
Yes, we passed up a referral. No we can't save them all. But we can take in the ones God has for us. When I was changing Madison's diaper last week, I had weird thing happen. I saw a picture in my mind of Baby Girl playing with a little baby that had an afro. It was clear the child was African American and a little boy. I immediately was overwhelmed with the sense that it was a baby that we will have. I don't know it if is a baby we will get to keep or just one that we will foster and return to his family. I still had my heart set on a little girl so I could do those braids! :0) That has been my dream since we lost Eden. So I am sure God gave me this little picture to open my heart to the possibility of a little boy. This has left John and I with a choice: believe those around us who say we have done more than our share and 5 is enough, or believe God who sent His only son to die for us and keep following Him as He asks us to stretch ourselves one more time!

We will see what happens! We are praying for wisdom to know when the child that God has for us crosses our path. In the mean time, I will keep asking you to consider it...will you be a foster parent? The epidemic will not go away if we ignore it...in fact it will just get exponentially worse as these children being raised in the system have children who statistics say will end up in the system also. Let's show the World the love of Christ and power of the Holy Spirit by caring for the least of these!
**If you enjoyed this post, check out my friends' posts about similar things at Building the Blocks and Bonkland.**