It's Saturday. Yesterday was Good Friday, and tomorrow is Easter. I don't think I have ever seen any significance in Saturday. Until today.
As I was reading through the crucifixion story this morning, a couple of versus stood out that I have never really noticed. Matthew 27:62 says "now on the next day". That would have been Saturday. Jesus' death and resurrection had been prophesied since there was a need for a Savior. The signs of the Old Testament were being fulfilled. On Friday they witnessed Jesus hung on the cross, humiliated, broken, and beaten. They watched as the mid-day sky turned pitch black, and they felt the ground quake beneath their feet as the earth shook for her King! But on Saturday, it was quiet. They were only left with the memories of yesterday and a dead Savior. Where is the hope in that? Even as they talked among themselves about all Jesus had said at the Last Supper, they had no way of knowing for sure what tomorrow would bring! I am sure they began to even doubt of the darkness was really real! "Did the earth really shake or, was I just a little woosy from standing in the sun all day?" Thomas doubted. I am sure Peter lamented his denial wishing he had a do-over. Circumstances and hard evidence left nothing but despair and mourning. On Saturday there was nothing to do but wait.
Wait for the third day....when the promise was to be fulfilled. No amount of wishing, praying, or pouring over the facts would make Sunday come sooner! All there was to do on Saturday was to wait!
That really made me think about my wait. There are SO many things I feel like I am waiting on! So many promises and dreams that I believe are from God, but circumstances just seem to leave me hopeless so many times.
As I walked through my quiet, peaceful house this evening checking on all the kids one last time before heading to bed, I felt an enormous peace rush over me as I walked down the stairs and had the realization that morning is almost here! Sunday brings the good news that He. Is. Alive.
Sunday brings the fulfillment of the prophesies and the promises...but we can't get to Sunday without Saturday.
So today, I asked God to teach me how to wait well. I don't want to passively wait for the promises and Words God has spoken to me. I don't think God expects us to just coast through life waiting for him to show up like a fairy God-Mother (no-pun intended) and grant our wishes. But I also know that when the Saturday becomes long, I become anxious, doubtful, and even sometimes bitter. So today, I am asking God to show me how to wait expectantly and with full trust in Him!
What are you waiting for? Let's wait well because..... SUNDAY IS COMING!
Showing posts with label waiting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label waiting. Show all posts
Saturday, March 26, 2016
Thursday, March 10, 2016
Carrying my Cross
I love how personal God is! I love how many chances He gives me! I love that even when I mess up, He takes me right back! There are a couple of really hard things going on with adoptions in Texas right now. I know without a doubt this is a battle God has called me to. I have tried to walk away - you know "the Lord will fight for you, you keep still" {Exodus 14:14}, but He brings it right back to my door step time and time again. I have finally accepted that this is part of my "for such a time as this" and a way to use so much of our personal as well as professional story that is full of heart ache for good!
But if I am honest with myself, while I have agreed this is my cross to bear, I have not carried it well. I have most definitely not counted it all joy when I have faced trials of many kinds. I have not persevered in order to produce proven character and most certainly did not have hope on many days. In fact, many days, I sat staring at a wall begging for a way out. It. is. hard.
As God would have it, we took communion together as a Body the Sunday after one of these particularly hard weeks. As I contemplated the cross, the load I had been asked to carry obviously waned in a big way! I dropped to my seat in sorrow and remorse that I had been such a complainer that week. Yes, I had been obedient, but I had not been a willing vessel. I had gone kicking and screaming...and kicking some more....and screaming some more!
But as I sat there asking God to forgive me for what the enemy was trying to make me feel like was a huge failure, the visual image of the movies we see with a crucifixion scene came to mind. You know the one where they lay the cross on Jesus' back, he takes two steps and falls to the ground from the weight of the cross and the exhaustion/pain of all he had endured previously and the huge wooden cross tumbles to the ground? That is the image that came to mind! Then that still small voice said, "Why are you being so hard on yourself? Even I had to have someone carry my own cross at some point!" You see the gospels of Mark, Luke and Matthew all state that another man had to carry Jesus' cross up the hill.
Wow! If Jesus struggled to carry his literal cross, why would I not think I would struggle at times to carry mine?! And you know what, the Holly Spirit assured me that day in that pew that He is ok with that! He was pleased that I was still waking the hill, dragging the cross. I hadn't laid it down and walked of, and I hadn't stop altogether! As long as I was continuing in my yes, He could and would continue to use my obedience!
What cross are you struggling to carry? Can I encourage you? It's OK to struggle! Just don't quit! Just don't let the enemy wind the mind games he plays! Keep on keeping on...even when you can't do it with "all joy", just do it! Because God can use even our whiny, limping, complaining, barely making it YES!
But if I am honest with myself, while I have agreed this is my cross to bear, I have not carried it well. I have most definitely not counted it all joy when I have faced trials of many kinds. I have not persevered in order to produce proven character and most certainly did not have hope on many days. In fact, many days, I sat staring at a wall begging for a way out. It. is. hard.
As God would have it, we took communion together as a Body the Sunday after one of these particularly hard weeks. As I contemplated the cross, the load I had been asked to carry obviously waned in a big way! I dropped to my seat in sorrow and remorse that I had been such a complainer that week. Yes, I had been obedient, but I had not been a willing vessel. I had gone kicking and screaming...and kicking some more....and screaming some more!
But as I sat there asking God to forgive me for what the enemy was trying to make me feel like was a huge failure, the visual image of the movies we see with a crucifixion scene came to mind. You know the one where they lay the cross on Jesus' back, he takes two steps and falls to the ground from the weight of the cross and the exhaustion/pain of all he had endured previously and the huge wooden cross tumbles to the ground? That is the image that came to mind! Then that still small voice said, "Why are you being so hard on yourself? Even I had to have someone carry my own cross at some point!" You see the gospels of Mark, Luke and Matthew all state that another man had to carry Jesus' cross up the hill.
Wow! If Jesus struggled to carry his literal cross, why would I not think I would struggle at times to carry mine?! And you know what, the Holly Spirit assured me that day in that pew that He is ok with that! He was pleased that I was still waking the hill, dragging the cross. I hadn't laid it down and walked of, and I hadn't stop altogether! As long as I was continuing in my yes, He could and would continue to use my obedience!
What cross are you struggling to carry? Can I encourage you? It's OK to struggle! Just don't quit! Just don't let the enemy wind the mind games he plays! Keep on keeping on...even when you can't do it with "all joy", just do it! Because God can use even our whiny, limping, complaining, barely making it YES!
Monday, March 16, 2015
Alive and Active
I had to smile as I pulled up my blog to write this post! The title of the last post was "still waiting". You will see the irony in that in just a minute!
One of Ava's biggest struggles is memory. Learning math facts, memorizing spelling words, things like that are a real struggle. And she may have it down today, but then tomorrow it may be as if we never even talked about it.
So yesterday when I picked her up from her church service and she told me she got an extra treat because she already said her memory verse, I am sure I had a puzzled look on my face. She danced around with that light that shines so brightly in her saying, "I already memorized it! I did it during the service! I know it already!" Then she proceeds to say it....."Wait on the Lord, be strong and courageous. Wait on the Lord Psalm 27 dot, dot 14" (she really says "dot, dot"!!) I was impressed. But can I confess there was a thought that passed through my mind that went something like, "we'll see if she can still say it in the morning."
She proceeded to repeat it all throughout the evening last night. Enough, that I now have it memorized! And my memory is mediocre at best! God in His ever humbling ways brought this exact verse to mind just this morning as I was becoming impatient with some circumstances in my life and wanted to just run away from them! "Wait on the Lord! be strong (some translations then say) and don't lose hope. Wait on the Lord." One of the things that Ava said when she told us she memorized it was that God said "Wait on the Lord" twice! John reminded her that when God repeats himself, He really wants us to listen!
Again, God has used my children to teach me a couple of valuable lessons! First, the Word of God is alive and active! It is sharper than a double edged sword and will divide bone and marrow. No, Ava may not be able to remember that 4+6=10, but the Word of God being alive and active planted itself in the deepest recess of who she is and easily comes to her mind...even this morning after sleeping on it! And second, Miss Ava reminded me that waiting on God is important....after all, He said it twice!
One of Ava's biggest struggles is memory. Learning math facts, memorizing spelling words, things like that are a real struggle. And she may have it down today, but then tomorrow it may be as if we never even talked about it.
So yesterday when I picked her up from her church service and she told me she got an extra treat because she already said her memory verse, I am sure I had a puzzled look on my face. She danced around with that light that shines so brightly in her saying, "I already memorized it! I did it during the service! I know it already!" Then she proceeds to say it....."Wait on the Lord, be strong and courageous. Wait on the Lord Psalm 27 dot, dot 14" (she really says "dot, dot"!!) I was impressed. But can I confess there was a thought that passed through my mind that went something like, "we'll see if she can still say it in the morning."
She proceeded to repeat it all throughout the evening last night. Enough, that I now have it memorized! And my memory is mediocre at best! God in His ever humbling ways brought this exact verse to mind just this morning as I was becoming impatient with some circumstances in my life and wanted to just run away from them! "Wait on the Lord! be strong (some translations then say) and don't lose hope. Wait on the Lord." One of the things that Ava said when she told us she memorized it was that God said "Wait on the Lord" twice! John reminded her that when God repeats himself, He really wants us to listen!
Again, God has used my children to teach me a couple of valuable lessons! First, the Word of God is alive and active! It is sharper than a double edged sword and will divide bone and marrow. No, Ava may not be able to remember that 4+6=10, but the Word of God being alive and active planted itself in the deepest recess of who she is and easily comes to her mind...even this morning after sleeping on it! And second, Miss Ava reminded me that waiting on God is important....after all, He said it twice!
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
It will be enough.....
Can anyone out there relate to weariness? I know weary in this season like I have never known weary before. I thought I knew weary, but this is weary at a whole new level! John and I were talking the other day. I know the joy of the Lord is my strength. I know we are supposed to have abundant life, and I don't believe that life is one that finds us grumbling all the time and ....weary. Yet, that is exactly where I find myself most days.
I am doing all I know to do. I am in the Word daily, praying almost hourly, crying out to God - often even out loud - through out the day as I have feelings of being overwhelmed and feel like the water is most definitely going over my head. So then the voices start accusing me of not having joy on top of all the other accusations that they have hurled at me throughout the day!
I shared with John that right now life feels like I get up, fail at being a good mother, fail at being a good wife, leave work with a bigger to-do list than I started with despite working my tail off all day, fail at health, fail at our finances....you get the picture. Then I go to bed defeated, wake up - sometimes with a fresh outlook sometimes with just enough strength to get out of bed - and do it all over again. There are moments of joy when a baby laughs and it makes me smile, or Journey has a new word he uses in the wrong context, or I see one of the older ones nurturing a relationship with a younger sibling, or John schedules me a massage....there are moments of joy, but overall, life is just extremely weary.
So as I look at school starting and entering the fall season where our schedule becomes double and triple booked most evenings, I almost faint with fear. I have been trying to gear up. Yet, it seems God's presence has been just beyond reach the past week. So today, I just sat down and cried out for a fresh Word from Him. I just sat in my chair with my coffee...just got still before Him and asked Him to speak.
I opened my Bible, and there was a book mark that took me to Judges. And plain as day I heard in my head "Judges 6". So I turn there and start reading. God promises when we seek Him we will find Him! And today I can testify that is true!
As I began to read Judges 6, I realized it is a very familiar story. One I had actually read not that long ago after hearing a teaching on Gideon and wanting to do more study on the back story. There is a part of Gideon's story that I can so relate with! In Judges 6:13, Gideon asks the angel of the Lord, "if the Lord is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all his wonders that our fathers told us about when they said, 'Did not the Lord bring us up out of Egypt?' But now the Lord has abandoned us and put us into the hand of Midian." I have rants like that to God, John and sometimes poor intimate friends who catch me on a bad day! But God, where are the finances to provide for these children you asked me to care for? But God, if you are with us, why am I having to fight so hard to keep placing waiting children in homes? But God where is the money to pay for the adoption of these two babies? But God, where is the time to love and parent 8 children and run a ministry and fight for children? Where are all the promises you have given to me when we walked by faith?
Let me stop there and just say....every huge faith step that John and I have taken in the past almost 17 years have failed. Yes, failed. At least that is how it appears when looking at outcomes. If it didn't completely fail, then the outcome looked nothing like what we had thought it would when we stepped off that mountain into a free-fall of trust and faith into it! I can remember a few years ago when we were once again looking into the face of a huge faith journey. I just sat and cried asking God why all my "stones of remembrance" were ones of Him failing me? But as the years have passed, and as I have gotten to know my God more intimately, I no longer look back at those stones of remembrance the same way. It's true Eden and Addy didn't come home. It's true adoptions in Liberia did not open back up. It's true I am not currently in a relationship with the daughter God gave me a mother's heart for. It's true the contract that I worked three years to complete is in jeopardy after only placing 5 waiting children in forever homes. But with mature eyes, I can see that in each and every one of those circumstances, I grew closer to God. He taught me a little each time about faith and trust. He showed me a new dimension of Himself in each journey we took. And really, I think that was His goal when He asked us to take the step of faith...not the outcome we sought!
So today as I sat and reflected on my weariness and all of the promises God has given over the past couple of years that seem to be empty, I cried out for a new Word of encouragement from the One I have grown to trust and love...and truly believe is good no matter what the circumstances of my life might say.
And just like Him, in His very personal, loving and intimate nature, He answered. After Gideon's rant about "where are you", God answers him with a sentence I know I have read multiple times but never saw before this morning. The Holy Spirit highlighted it as I read this morning. It says, "Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian's hand. Am I not sending you?" In the strength you have - soothing balm to my weary soul! God knows I am tired. God knows I end each day with just enough energy - physically, emotionally and often spiritually - to climb in bed and lay down my head. And this morning He let me know, that's enough! Whatever you have, do what I have asked with what you have....it will be enough!
What are you facing today that seems overwhelming? Are you weary or defeated? Can I encourage you to face today with what you have? Do it tired. Do it afraid. Do it broke. Do it depressed. Whatever God is asking you to do this morning, do it with what you have, and at the end of the day, it will be enough if You are trusting in Him!
I am doing all I know to do. I am in the Word daily, praying almost hourly, crying out to God - often even out loud - through out the day as I have feelings of being overwhelmed and feel like the water is most definitely going over my head. So then the voices start accusing me of not having joy on top of all the other accusations that they have hurled at me throughout the day!
I shared with John that right now life feels like I get up, fail at being a good mother, fail at being a good wife, leave work with a bigger to-do list than I started with despite working my tail off all day, fail at health, fail at our finances....you get the picture. Then I go to bed defeated, wake up - sometimes with a fresh outlook sometimes with just enough strength to get out of bed - and do it all over again. There are moments of joy when a baby laughs and it makes me smile, or Journey has a new word he uses in the wrong context, or I see one of the older ones nurturing a relationship with a younger sibling, or John schedules me a massage....there are moments of joy, but overall, life is just extremely weary.
So as I look at school starting and entering the fall season where our schedule becomes double and triple booked most evenings, I almost faint with fear. I have been trying to gear up. Yet, it seems God's presence has been just beyond reach the past week. So today, I just sat down and cried out for a fresh Word from Him. I just sat in my chair with my coffee...just got still before Him and asked Him to speak.
I opened my Bible, and there was a book mark that took me to Judges. And plain as day I heard in my head "Judges 6". So I turn there and start reading. God promises when we seek Him we will find Him! And today I can testify that is true!
As I began to read Judges 6, I realized it is a very familiar story. One I had actually read not that long ago after hearing a teaching on Gideon and wanting to do more study on the back story. There is a part of Gideon's story that I can so relate with! In Judges 6:13, Gideon asks the angel of the Lord, "if the Lord is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all his wonders that our fathers told us about when they said, 'Did not the Lord bring us up out of Egypt?' But now the Lord has abandoned us and put us into the hand of Midian." I have rants like that to God, John and sometimes poor intimate friends who catch me on a bad day! But God, where are the finances to provide for these children you asked me to care for? But God, if you are with us, why am I having to fight so hard to keep placing waiting children in homes? But God where is the money to pay for the adoption of these two babies? But God, where is the time to love and parent 8 children and run a ministry and fight for children? Where are all the promises you have given to me when we walked by faith?
Let me stop there and just say....every huge faith step that John and I have taken in the past almost 17 years have failed. Yes, failed. At least that is how it appears when looking at outcomes. If it didn't completely fail, then the outcome looked nothing like what we had thought it would when we stepped off that mountain into a free-fall of trust and faith into it! I can remember a few years ago when we were once again looking into the face of a huge faith journey. I just sat and cried asking God why all my "stones of remembrance" were ones of Him failing me? But as the years have passed, and as I have gotten to know my God more intimately, I no longer look back at those stones of remembrance the same way. It's true Eden and Addy didn't come home. It's true adoptions in Liberia did not open back up. It's true I am not currently in a relationship with the daughter God gave me a mother's heart for. It's true the contract that I worked three years to complete is in jeopardy after only placing 5 waiting children in forever homes. But with mature eyes, I can see that in each and every one of those circumstances, I grew closer to God. He taught me a little each time about faith and trust. He showed me a new dimension of Himself in each journey we took. And really, I think that was His goal when He asked us to take the step of faith...not the outcome we sought!
So today as I sat and reflected on my weariness and all of the promises God has given over the past couple of years that seem to be empty, I cried out for a new Word of encouragement from the One I have grown to trust and love...and truly believe is good no matter what the circumstances of my life might say.
And just like Him, in His very personal, loving and intimate nature, He answered. After Gideon's rant about "where are you", God answers him with a sentence I know I have read multiple times but never saw before this morning. The Holy Spirit highlighted it as I read this morning. It says, "Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian's hand. Am I not sending you?" In the strength you have - soothing balm to my weary soul! God knows I am tired. God knows I end each day with just enough energy - physically, emotionally and often spiritually - to climb in bed and lay down my head. And this morning He let me know, that's enough! Whatever you have, do what I have asked with what you have....it will be enough!
What are you facing today that seems overwhelming? Are you weary or defeated? Can I encourage you to face today with what you have? Do it tired. Do it afraid. Do it broke. Do it depressed. Whatever God is asking you to do this morning, do it with what you have, and at the end of the day, it will be enough if You are trusting in Him!
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Always getting ahead
One of my biggest faults is that I am always trying to get ahead of God. He gives me a vision or a direction, and I run with it! However, many times, I run with it on my time table with my plan...and no, that isn't working too well for me!
As I walk this crazy life trying to figure out how to determine God's will and timing instead of my own, I picked up a book by Stormie OMartian called Just Enough Light fr the Step I'm On. It has been a really good book. I mentioned it in the post about the peace with Ava's medical tests. If you have read any of Stormie's writing, you know she is pretty blunt! She doesn't really sugar coat anything. There are a few things that I don't know that I agree with on a theological level...or maybe just more of a disagreement on where she places emphasis, but she has some really good and amazing points! Here are a few that have really spoken to me!
As I walk this crazy life trying to figure out how to determine God's will and timing instead of my own, I picked up a book by Stormie OMartian called Just Enough Light fr the Step I'm On. It has been a really good book. I mentioned it in the post about the peace with Ava's medical tests. If you have read any of Stormie's writing, you know she is pretty blunt! She doesn't really sugar coat anything. There are a few things that I don't know that I agree with on a theological level...or maybe just more of a disagreement on where she places emphasis, but she has some really good and amazing points! Here are a few that have really spoken to me!
- "The wilderness is where God takes us when He wants to get Egypt out f our hearts. He wants t separate us from all that we crave, s that all we crave is Him. Just as God wanted to get the taste of Egypt out of the Israelites' mouths, He wants to get the lust fr certain comforts our of our appetites, too. It's not that He doesn't want us to ever be comfortable. It's just that He doesn't want us to depend on the comfortable. He wants us to depend on Him. He doesn't want us to love the comforts more than we love Him. When God aims us in a new direction, we have to let go of what we've known, be willing to embrace the unfamiliar, and trust that He will sustain us on the journey."
- "God wants us to surrender our dreams because we can't be led by Him if we are chasing after a dream of our own making....The dream has to be realized His way."
- "Where there is no vision, the people parish" Prov 29:18 - reminds me of the general public of Liberia! We've got to change that!
- From the chapter, "Expecting a Call": "I've seen many people who were too busy, too drugged out, too tired, to preoccupied, or to in pursuit of riches and fame to hear God calling them. Others were afraid they might be called to insignificance and s they didn't want to know about it. I've known others still who clearly heard the call of God and ran away from it. The direct line from heaven was ringing and they turned up the volume on their lives so they wouldn't have to hear Gd and answer. I've also known people with such a low opinion of themselves that they didn't believe God had them destined for anything great. So when the call came, they thought it must be fr somebody else and didn't respond.
- "The only reason it appears that some people are "more called" by God then others is that they were expecting the call and answered it."
Pretty powerful stuff if I can just apply it! :)
Monday, January 5, 2009
Waiting
You all may get sick of Experiencing God, but man it is rocking my world and teaching me so much! I think of many of you on the adoption journey when I read things in it....as I have to apply them to myself as I walk through all the adoptions I am responsible for also!
Today's lesson was on hearing God. One of my biggest struggles is am I hearing God, or is that my voice? One of the paragraphs really hit home in today's lesson, so I wanted to share it with all of you. Praying that if you are in a waiting pattern for anything in your life, this will encourage you! It did me! I can apply this to just about every area of my life right now....
"If you do not have clear instructions from God in a matter, pray and wait. Learn patience. Depend on God's timing, which is always right and best. Don't get in a hurry. He may withhold directions to cause you to seek Him more intently. Don't try to skip over the relationship to start doing something. God is more interested in a love relationship with you than He is in what you can do for Him. If God is having you wait, He may want to develop a deeper relationship with you before He gives you your next assignment. He may have you wait because the timing is not yet right." ~Experiencing God by Henry Blackaby
Wow!
Today's lesson was on hearing God. One of my biggest struggles is am I hearing God, or is that my voice? One of the paragraphs really hit home in today's lesson, so I wanted to share it with all of you. Praying that if you are in a waiting pattern for anything in your life, this will encourage you! It did me! I can apply this to just about every area of my life right now....
"If you do not have clear instructions from God in a matter, pray and wait. Learn patience. Depend on God's timing, which is always right and best. Don't get in a hurry. He may withhold directions to cause you to seek Him more intently. Don't try to skip over the relationship to start doing something. God is more interested in a love relationship with you than He is in what you can do for Him. If God is having you wait, He may want to develop a deeper relationship with you before He gives you your next assignment. He may have you wait because the timing is not yet right." ~Experiencing God by Henry Blackaby
Wow!
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
He knew....
The timelessness of God's Word just keeps me in awe! Over two thousand years ago, He knew that I would need to know on July 22, 2008 (and MANY other days as well) that He is here no matter what the circumstances say. In many areas of my life over the last 10, especially 4, years, I have asked God, "Where are you???"
He knew that! So many times, the only hope I had to hold on to as I struggled through a rocky marriage, another hold in my adoptions, another hold in the adoptions of my families I work with, a phase of my children that I don't think I will survive, was that somehow through it all God would be glorified! Sometimes I rejoice in that, and sometimes I really don't care, I just want my circumstances fixed!
But what comfort to know that David, a man after God's own heart, felt the same way! I have read this verse so many times, but today it brought so much comfort! I know many of my blog readers are adoptive families with children half way around the world caught up in red tape, so I wanted to share this with you......praying it encourages you as it did me!
~ I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the Lord.~ Psalm 27:13-14
Father God, for the mothers and fathers out there who have followed Your calling to bring Your children home, give them a day of peace! A day of rejoicing in the fact that You are working in ways they cannot see. God allow them to rejoice that they are getting to take part in seeing Your goodness...make that enough for today! Allow them to see just a little bit of your work today.....help them realize that they are changing lives for eternity, not just theirs and the child/ren they are adopting, but everyone who hears testimony of their adoption or who touches a piece of paper for their adoption can be changed for Your glory! Give them a "bigger picture" view that reaches beyond their own homes. Make them strong today and let their hearts take courage, may the words "wait on the Lord" bring peace and rest today trusting You to work out every detail and every time table as You see fit. Let them rest in Your will and Trust You to be the wonderful Father You are to them as well as their children! Thank You God for allowing us to walk this journey with You!
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