Why We Are Not Praying for Healing for Ava

Before I share my heart on how God has told us to pray for Ava, let me make one thing very clear - I do NOT believe in anyway that diseases - cancer, addiction, pneumonia, depression, etc... - is sent by God. It is against His character. I DO believe He can heal anything He wants to in an instant - or however He chooses! He is all-powerful, all-mighty, all-knowing, all-loving, and sovereign. These things were settled in my soul and spirit long before the news of Ava's latest diagnosis was presented. 

We prayed for healing of Ava in the beginning when we received the diagnosis of dystonia. We stood on all the scriptures and promises for healing. Yet, every two to three years we would find out she was not healed of that diagnosis and in fact had more going on. It wasn't until 2015 when we received the genetic "disorder" diagnosis that God started working in me to understand His plans for and through Ava.  

I have written before about how God used a friend's baby with Spina Bifida to challenge my worldly view of "healthy" baby. That is a word that is defined on earthly terms. Yet I wrestled with how this precious baby who by all earthly standards was very sick and not "perfect" was knit in the womb that way. It's times like this that I have to stop and wrestle with what my earthly mind has reconciled with the Truth of the Word. In my early years, I would wrestle to make scriptures line up with my earthly circumstances. It wouldn't be until the last 7 or so years that I have learned to stop and make the earthly circumstances line up with the Truth of the Word. So when God said that this friend's precious baby was fearfully and wonderfully made as He knit her in her mother's womb (Psalm 119), I had to realize that Truth is either false, or it is true for every baby - let me stop here and add that there are things that happen in the womb due to a fallen world that greatly affect babies like drugs, alcohol, etc and those things are NOT from God and grieve Him as much as they grieve us! I also want to add that I do not know enough medically about Spina Bifida to know if it's genetic or not - it was just one of the first incidents that God used to challenge my earthly thinking against a heavenly principle!

When doctors suggested that we start genetic testing on Ava four years ago, it opened a whole new dilemma for me in my thinking with Ava. I have known from the beginning that Ava is precious and was sent by heaven with a special purpose. I mean, really ALL kids are! But I don't know that I was really aware of that in my youth when Ava was born. But even in my lack of seasoned knowledge, I felt it in my spirit with her. She was not planned by us! In fact, we had tried to "prevent" her - if you catch what I am throwing! ;) But God's plans cannot be thwarted by man - and thank God they can't! 

My pregnancy with Ava was a gift from the beginning! It would come in the middle of our failed adoption of Eden, and it was assurance that I took care of myself in what at the time was a season of grief like none I had ever experienced in my life! Depression could have easily overtaken me -except there was a life growing and forming inside me that only I could protect. THAT is what kept me going many of those days!

Ava was a perfect baby! She smiled easily and had that light you see in her now from day one! There was no doubt that she was fearfully and wonderfully made!! She was kind of the poster baby for Psalm 119! Even when doctors said something wasn't quite right, I knew she was perfect! What I didn't know was the lesson God was already teaching me. 

Ava was one of those kids who never needed much redirection. She was very compliant and only needed a semi-strong tone and a look of disapproval to stop any misbehavior - and even those mild corrections would break her heart. In our early years of parenting, we spanked as our go to consequence. But I never spanked Ava. I never had to. Her sweet spirit was there and shining from day one!

So how could it be that a thread in the knitting together of her will cause devastation? In our earthly terms, we call this a genetic disorder. Disorder is defined by Webster as "an abnormal physical or mental condition". Abnormal. In earthly terms, then Ava is abnormal - simply because our earthly definition of normal is to compare to each other. The majority defines normal, right? 

But scripture is clear that God compares us to no one! He creates each of us as individuals - carefully designed, uniquely gifted, and wonderfully made! Each characteristic, each gifting, each talent, each one is given to us for our purpose in God's kingdom during our time here on earth! With that as our standard, "abnormal" DOES NOT exist! By that standard - God's standard - Ava does not have a genetic disorder at all! She has a special gifting that God is using for His kingdom purposes! His ways are not our ways! His Word is clear that we with our human minds cannot fathom all He plans and purposes in His sovereignty. 

My standard is what God says. My Truth is settled in heaven. Ava's Truth is settled in heaven. Therefore, we do not believe that she has a disorder to be healed. We see God's love and glory shining in her daily in ways most Christians never allow. Her love of people, her carefree attitude, her determination - those are all on that same DNA that we in the world want to say is flawed simply because she will not follow a pattern this world has determined to be "normal".

I have been in study and prayer since God made clear praying for healing this side of heaven is not what we are to do. It is not a popular sentiment among Spirit Filled Believers. I get that. And I will never stop someone from praying for healing for her - I just don't believe it is in line with what God wills. Psalm 37 says it perfectly:

Keep trusting in the Lord and do what is right in his eyes.
    Fix your heart on the promises of God and you will be secure,    feasting on his faithfulness. Make God the utmost delight and pleasure of your life,    and he will provide for you what you desire the most.⁵ Give God the right to direct your life,
    you’ll find he pulled it off perfectly! He will appear as your righteousness,
    He will manifest as your justice,
    as sure and strong as the noonday sun.
Quiet your heart in his presence and pray;
    keep hope alive as you long for God to come through for you.





    and as you trust him along the way


    as sure as the dawning of a new day.

I firmly believe when we make God our utmost delight, He gives us His will to pray - and in that way, He can and will provide what we desire the most.

For Ava, I desire that she not suffer. I believe God desires that too! I desire that she not be afraid. I believe God desires that too! We don't pray for healing this side of heaven, but we do ask God to keep her whole. Honestly, my prayer is simply keep her the way she is now, or take her home! To not see the light in her eyes shining from her soul would be more devastating than telling her goodbye. I can say that because when the time comes, we will not mourn as those without hope! When she sees her Savior face-to-face, she will be rejoicing - no fear, no anxiety, no worries, no heart racing, no drooling - just dancing and rejoicing - two of her favorite things!! Why would I want to keep her from that?

I had been praying for a scripture to back up what I felt God was saying - that's a pretty good practice always! :) God will never tell you something that contradicts his Word! It was during a church service on brokenness that a dear woman who had lived with heart issues since birth and is now the recipient of a donor heart shared a verse I had read many times. But as so often happens with God's Word, it was new for me in light of our current journey. It is Luke 9:1-5

As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”

“Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him. As long as it is day, we must do the works of him who sent me. Night is coming, when no one can work. While I am in the world, I am the light of the world.”

That is why we are not praying for healing for Ava - because we believe he has spoken very specifically that Ava is how she is to point others to Him! Jesus does go on to heal the blind man - and praise God if he decides to do that of Ava, but even if not, we know Ava's diagnosis is not evil. We know how she is made is from God - and He will be glorified in it no matter the outcome!

We have an army of people praying for Ava, and we are so grateful! Truly, the outpouring of love for Ava and our family has been a sustaining arm in this journey. 

We continue to ask God to use this journey to show His glory to those around us. Ava has done that her entire life! And we believe that is the purpose of this journey we are on! Not to pray healing over her, but to point others to God as we walk with her in her journey to His arms! And if along the way, God chooses to restore her to wholeness, we will rejoice and give Him all the glory for it!

The Next Faith Journey: He's no crystal ball....

So we are still on our faith journey to our promised land. It feels like our journey has hit a great big brick wall, but we are believing by faith that the wall will crumble! So we are pressing on!

I said from the beginning that I wanted to take this journey well...to not focus on the outcome but on the daily walk. I can say that some days, I have done a really good job at that. The last week has not been one of those days.

Our house is showing almost daily. That sounds like a great thing...and ultimately it is. But when you consider there are 10 people living in our home with 4 of them being small humans, keeping a house show ready is exhausting! I found myself crying out to God to please just tell me when the house would sell! His response was epic! He was gentle. I could picture Him sitting on His throne in all his glory, shaking his head with a huge smile and a belly laugh while he said, "HollyAnn! I am not a crystal ball!" Ouch! But he didn't stop there! He went on to remind me that he is not a crystal ball because he is relational! He knows if he would just say on June 12, a couple will look at your house and offer you $xxxxx for it, that I would say thank you and then go about my days in my self-reliant and human nature way! I would check that off as "done!" and truck along. But that is not what God wants. He wants me trusting Him. He wants me resting in His promise. He wants me using those promises and those times with Him to war against the doubt and lies and hopelessness that the enemy uses to rob my joy in the journey. I know this journey is training ground!

So I have had the "I am not a crystal ball" rolling around in my head for a few days. But every day that goes without an offer is an arrow the enemy throws at my weak places. I had to take an unexpected trip back to West Texas this weekend. Everything about the trip was a disaster. I was standing on faith for another area, and again, it didn't work as I had thought or prayed it would. Discouraged didn't even begin to describe my state of being. I was desperately trying to hold to Truths....desperately trying to not waiver or be double minded. And yet, I could feel the water from the waves of the storm I was riding starting to come into the boat....

On the plane ride home, I put on my headphones, cranked up the worship music and cried out to God! I love flying! While I know it is super silly and theologically unsound, I just feel closer to God in a plane! I love looking down on the earth below and imagining what God sees yet He singles me out of ALL of that and speaks so clearly and personally. It really makes a gal feel special! Yesterday was no different. As I looked down on all the landscape and thought about our house as well as the situation I had just left, God pointed out this section of trees. It looks like a path had been cut through the trees. God began to speak about the path and our journey of faith. You see if I was at that first bend in the path, I would not be able to see the end because of the curves and turns in the path as well as the trees blocking my view. Even if I had been told that end is there and it is 2.7 miles from you, I would not know where exactly the end was because of the turns and twists in the path. I would need the clear path to direct me. God reminded me that He is the cleared path! Just like I can look down and see the entire path from the plane, He can see my journey just the same! But a person standing at the first curve of the path would not be able to see what I see and might doubt whether the path really had an end or not. He reminded me that my time with him each morning would be what would show me where to step...and as I took that step, a new section of the cleared path would be visible just as it would be for a person walking this path I was looking at. But they would have to trust that by following the cleared sections, they would get where they wanted to go. And I would have to do the same with God!

Then He had one more nugget of truth for me in the path. Don't stop! If a person were to get frustrated at the first or second or third turn because they couldn't see the end yet, and they sat down in their frustration, they would never reach the end! God knew in my heart I was sitting down on our journey. I was weary and tired and just wanted to be at the end. So I sat down. He gave me that gentle nudge to get back on my feet and keep walking because the end is there...just as clearly as I could see the end of the path I was looking at!

So I came home ready to keep the faith! I want to hold His hand and walk this journey trusting, listening and developing even more intimacy with the One who knows the end at the beginning as we journey through the turns! I want to come out on the other side of this closer to Him than when I started. So I am walking on, and He is teaching me much about myself as we walk!

A Word from the Lord for Parents

I wrote down "strong and courageous" in my journal.  I felt in my spirit God was going to ask me to step out of my comfort zone in 2015 to speak boldly for Him.  I wrote down Acts 4:29-31 "grant to your servants to continue to speak your word with all boldness, while you stretch out your hand to heal, and signs and wonders are performed through the name of your holy servant Jesus.” And when they had prayed, the place in which they were gathered together was shaken, and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and continued to speak the word of God with boldness." I just didn't think it would happen at 1:00 am on New Year's Day!  He didn't waste any time! 

I have had Words for people a few times, but never a Word for the Body...until now.  The message from God was strong enough that I couldn't go back to sleep until I got it out there..so here goes (at 3:46 am)...

I used to be a very vivid and regular dreamer.  However, I would not say that many if any of my dreams were spiritual in nature...or maybe they were and I just didn't have the maturity to know it.  Anyway, I haven't dreamed like that for a few a years now.  Now if I have a dream, it is almost always spiritual.  However, not always from God.  Sometimes they are nightmares, but whenever I dream, it is vivid! I woke up just after midnight from a very vivid dream. I don't remember being afraid in the dream, but when I woke, the first feeling I had was fear.  It wasn't the "in awe of you" kind of fear, but the heart racing, palms sweating type of fear.  That is not from God! So I am not saying God gave me a dream, I believe the enemy planted that to cause fear in me. The details of the dream I don't believe are important, but it involved losing most of the people who are dear to me.  

Just as quickly as the fear came, a peace flooded over me.  Then God spoke.  It was a message that He has been giving to me for a few weeks now.  But this time it was stronger and more urgent.  It is for parents.  It is a reminder that we need to be diligent to be covering our children in prayer.  It was a reminder that the enemy is out to steal, kill and destroy our children.  As the time of Christ's return draws near, the enemy will raise the stakes in his battle for the call on children's lives.  This is not a message of fear!  This is a message of hope and a reminder that we as parents have the authority to cut the enemy off at the knees and place his head under our heel where he belongs.  However, many times in our complacency and busyness of day to day life, we leave the door wide open for him to come into our family, and in particular to our children  This is not a call to say bedtime prayers with our children as we tuck them in, while I believe that is vital as well!  It is a call to get on our knees and war in the heavenlies calling down God's will for our children from heaven to earth and closing all gaps and holes where the enemy can could get a foothold and take them on a detour.

To confirm this Word, when I woke up, I went to my FB page.  At the top is the update of Baby AJ who was born just a few weeks ago at 23 weeks gestation.  He is fighting for his life!  Just below his update is that of another friend's baby who was rushed into emergency brain surgery last week at less than 2 months old.  I believe God has a high call on the lives of these children!  And I believe God is already using their lives for His glory as hundreds if not thousands of people storm the gates of heaven for these two babies while their amazing parents point those watching...medical staff as well as strangers following on FB and other social media...to Jesus!  Then less than an hour after I woke up, my daughter sends me a text message as she is at a sleep over with friends.  It's now about 2:20 am.  We end up texting for almost an hour about some spiritual matters!  For those who don't know my daughter, let me just tell you, she. is. amazing! But it just confirmed that the enemy is desperately trying to steal the faith, joy and calling God has placed on children all over this earth!  And we as parents CANNOT stand by and watch while he does it!  We MUST cover our children in prayer and equip them for life in spiritual warfare!  We have the power, authority and weapons to win this war, but we must pick them up and fight!  2 Corinthians 10: 4-5 For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds.

I believe 2015 is a year that we will see children rising up and leading revival!  I am committed to being on my knees for my children...from 19 to 1! God is calling us to cover them all as there is no junior Holy Spirit and He will use them all no matter their age to draw others to Him!  Whose with me?

New Beginnings and Clean Slates

I LOVE New Years...mornings, Mondays, start of school...anything that represents a new beginning and a clean slate! I am such a mess up!  I have such great intentions most days, and fail at most of those intentions most days in this season of life.  But I love that EVERY morning, I have a clean slate, a new start!  I love Lamentations 3:22-23 that promises "because of the Lord's mercy and loving-kindness that we are not consumed, because His tender compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great and abundant are your stability and faithfulness." (emphasis mine)

I see every morning as a new beginning full of possibility and God's compassion and mercy that covers all I didn't accomplish or managed to totally mess up yesterday!  And New Year's kind of represents that on a yearly basis for me.  It is a time to reflect on the past year, mark stones of remembrance of God's faithfulness and provision, times of spiritual stretching that hopefully brought growth, and looking at the times I didn't quite hit the mark.  Then I ask God to speak to me about the upcoming year!  For the past four years, sometime between mid December and January 1, God has dropped either a word or two or a scripture in my mind or drawn it out of one of my studies and said it was for the new year.  It's become one of my favorite parts of December....listening to what God has to say about the upcoming year!

For 2013, God gave me the words Faith and Obedience!   The other fun part about God speaking to me about years like that is looking back over the year in my review mirror and seeing just where the words or scriptures God gave encouraged, sustained, prepared and motivated me.  Well, faith and obedience were definitely a theme in 2013!  The obedience part was that I was to hear his voice, even a small whisper, and do it! No questioning, no reasoning, just pure faith, trust and obedience...from "pick up that marker on the floor" to "take in two more children", I tried to simply obey when I heard His voice.  I didn't succeed in all areas.  My weight battle ensued long after I wanted it to, but there was even victory there when I followed through with my obedience!  But as I look back over the year, I know God prepared me for adding two babies to our home and moving our family 5 hours away from our support system of amazing friends and family.

I honestly hadn't thought much about it this year.  We are still trying to unpack from the move.  And with the move, I had done zero shopping for Christmas...and can I tell you that shopping for 8 kids plus extended family is an ordeal?! We also hosted both families this year for Christmas.  Love doing that, but it has meant there has been little alone time with God really except for the few moments I have carved out here and there.  But one of the things I love about my God is that He knows my heart!  He knows that my heart longs to be with Him!  And so even though I hadn't done the "check list" to hear Him, He spoke anyway!  I was actually getting dressed one morning, and just had my worship music on.  I heard joy and consistency.  Took me a minute to figure out why I heard that.  Then I knew.  They are my words for 2014! I am still studying to see just exactly what they mean and what my part is to make sure they remain themes for the year.  But I am excited to see what God does to bring joy and consistency into our family....really, two things that were definitely missing this year!

So I encourage you to get alone with God sometime today and ask Him what He has for you in the coming year!  He is a God of love and mercy, if you have this feeling that you are on God's "naughty" list and are afraid to hear what He has to say, please know that is the enemy!  Yes, God may have some things to say about what you have done, but He loves you enough to send his Son from heaven's seat to a manger in a stable!  He is longing for you to sit with Him and let Him share the good, perfect and full of hope plans He has for you in the coming year!  And if you don't get to that today, you can do it in the morning because every morning is full of new mercies!

Happy New Year blog world friends! I pray God's faithful provision, tangible presence and sustaining JOY over each and every one of you for 2014!

Abraham: Faith Walking

"By faith Abraham, when he was called, obeyed by going out to a place which he was to receive for an inheritance; and he went out, not knowing where he was going." Hebrews 11:8

I wish I knew a little more about this obedience.  How did Abraham decide to go North or South?  Did God verbally speak with each step?  Was Abraham just led by peace as he walked?  Did Abraham start out on Monday thinking that by Tuesday God would have revealed a bit more about the journey? When God didn't show him the way immediately, did Abraham sit down and cry out of the frustration of having a fully surrendered heart willing to follow God no matter what, but not exactly sure what God wanted? Did Abraham ever take a wrong step believing it was where God said walk only to discover that wasn't it?  Was he ever disappointed along the journey?

I don't know all those details.  I wish I did as it would make a journey I am on right now a little easier, perhaps.  What I do know is that Abraham went when he didn't know his destination.  I don' t know how he knew where to head without knowing a destination, but God must have given him just enough information for the steps he needed to take right then.  He must have because what I do know is that Abraham got there! Despite the fact that he didn't know where he was headed, he got there!  And not only did he get there, but he is forever written in the history of God's story as a great man of faith that we are to imitate in our quest to be like Christ.

And if Abraham, who didn't have the Holy Spirit, the ever present Presence of God with him that I have, can walk in obedience on a journey without knowing the destination and arrive where God intended, so can I!

Was it God?

I have heard many comments lately that have raised the proverbial hair on the back of my neck.  It it's one thing I have wrestled with through our failed adoptions and some personal struggles it is free will versus God's will and handling disappointments.  There was a time that spans many years where I could not tell you a personal story of victory and happy ending after a leap of faith.  We had taken some pretty big ones, and they all had endings far from what I had hoped.  Disappointment. There are posts on this blog during those times.  Even if I don't come right out and say it...you can read the disappointment between the lines.

My immediate reaction to those disappointments was much the same as what I see in other people as they struggle through disappointments in their lives...God, where are you?! Those of us who have been in church most of our lives can easily quote Deuteronomy 31:6 " Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you" But the truth is during those times of disappointment early in my walk in relationship with God, I didn't believe it!  I would cry out to God with that same verse asking where He was.  I wanted so badly to believe He was beside me, but honestly, I felt alone and abandoned.  I had head knowledge....I wanted to believe what God's Word said, but my circumstances just didn't speak to that.  My experience was not lining up with truth.

When that happens, our immediate human nature response is to throw out "truth"!  Our experiences must be what is accurate in our human, world-based mind, so we come to the conclusion that the "truth" has to be wrong.  And that is the biggest lie from the pit of hell!  It is exactly what the enemy wants us to believe.  Because when we begin to believe that our experience trumps truth, we start to doubt God. If satan can start us on the path of doubting God, he can unravel just about any part of our faith and our testimony.  

When we face disappointments, and view them through our flesh, through our experience, through our circumstance we are left with three conclusions:

1. I didn't hear God right in the first place
2. God is not trust worthy
3. God doesn't really exist

Can I be honest?  I have entertained all three of those conclusions at times of disappointment in my life.  After I came home from Sierra Leone without Eden, number 3 was my conclusion.  I was ready to walk away from God.  I was so close to the line of denouncing God and going about my days living life for what felt good and right to the senses, to doing what made me "happy"!  But that is why God says we are to live by faith and not by sight! I praise God that in that exact time, I was reading Captivating.  I had amazing people in my life to speak truth during that time right after I returned without my daughter.  But I wouldn't talk to them.  I knew what they would say, and frankly, I didn't want to hear it! But for some reason, I kept reading this book which is evidence that God will use whatever He can to reach us in our time of despair and need!  In Captivating, the author speaks of a woman who is so at ease with herself because she finds her strength and identity in the Lord that women are at ease with themselves in her presence.  I don't remember the exact wording, but it spoke of being able to "breath" in this woman's presence because there was room to breath based on her ability to rest in God.  I didn't know about all the God parts of that woman, but I knew deep down, throwing out all morals, all laws, all boundaries, the thing I wanted more than anything else in life was to be that woman!  As soon as that thought came over me, a still small voice said, "And how do you think you will be that woman without me?" And that began my journey back to God.

The next steps of faith were harder to take as I didn't want to experience disappointment.  I struggled for almost a decade with how to handle when walking by faith didn't produce anything I thought I would see! But God was so faithful to continue to write and perfect my faith through calling me to acts that would test my ability to trust Him.  To be able to handle disappointment and not turn all the emotions of that disappointment into disappointment in God.

I was watching the Bethel sermon from last Sunday, March 17, 2013.  If you are struggling through any disappointments, I would highly encourage you to watch it!  And Bill Johnson said, "God's ability to redeem hellish situations is so profound, the Church has jumped to conclusions assuming God designed the hellish situation....We must distinguish between what God approved, what he ordained, and what the enemy meant for evil."  That is profound people!  Until we can do that, we will never fully trust God.  Until we can do this, the enemy will always taunt us with questions of whether God is truly good or whether we can truly trust God.  Until you have walked through horrible situations and can say without a doubt God is good and can be trusted, the enemy will call those truths into question in your mind.  Bill goes on to say that death, loss and destruction are the enemy's fingerprints.  God can absolutely, and he does in amazing ways, use those circumstances to draw people to Him or to transform His people, but they are not from him!

One of the statements that made the hair stand up on the back of my neck this past week was about adoptions situations and when they don't go as we plan.  The statement pretty well said just accept it.  It was God's will.  I just wanted to scream, "NO! IT'S NOT!"  God is a God of restoration, healing, life!  Anything that is death, destruction and loss is from the enemy!  Does God allow those things, yes!  Will I ever understand why He allows them?  Not fully...His ways are not mine...or yours!  But when we fall into the thinking that those events, those circumstances that bring death, loss and destruction were His ordained will, we have created god who is not to be trusted.  We create a god who is not love.  We create a god who is not faithful.  And that is not the God I serve!

It has taken me nearly 10 years to be able to write this post with confidence and absolute belief!  Meaning, I know in my core, I have experienced in my inner being that even when things don't go as planned, God is good!  God is trustworthy!  God is faithful!  I could quote the scripture before, but it was just empty words....now those words are supported with belief and "knowing"!  It took "losing" another daughter to get to that point.  

To be continued.....

When life seems to be tossed in the air..

I am going on my second night of 4 hours of sleep.  No sick kids! Thank you for health, God! Not really worried, just restless.  God has placed a few things in John and my heart.  In one of them, we kind of feel like Abraham...He has said GO! but we have no clue which direction to even GO! in, yet we know He wants us to take a step of faith before He reveals the entire plan.  But we don't feel like we even know how or where to step so we stand with our foot poised in the air ready to move but just not quite sure where to plant our foot! (and for those wondering, NO! this has nothing to do with my Number 8 post! Hee!Hee!)

I sat last night with our budget, my calendar and some work papers laid out on the dining room table and just stared at them!  A representation of three areas that need some major miracles from how I see it to work!  I tell John all the time that there is a reason moms of large families do not work!  It is a full time job, yet God has called me to this amazing ministry of Addy's Hope - and it is that, a ministry.  In the 7 years since we opened the doors of Addy's Hope, it has not been in a place to provide a financial salary that matches the work I do.   I would be fine with that, except the older the kids get, the more expensive they are and our finances are stretched to the max.  It's hard not to look around and think, "If I put in the same hours there that I do at Addy's Hope, I would make ______!" I know my rewards for Addy's Hope are eternal, and I really can't put a value on that, but my local grocery store won't take that to pay for the groceries my kiddos eat!

There are a couple of opportunities that are before us.  I have sought God.  I have asked for scripture to back my answer....about the time I settle in on which direction I think I need to go, something happens or someone says something that makes me think I missed it.  I am about to the point that I think God is saying, "you choose!  Here is what path A will mean and here is what path B will mean, and I am really ok with either path.  Just pick the one you want."  Maybe that is the problem, I want the end result of both paths, but that is impossible!

Ugh! You ever been there?  Despite how I feel this morning, I know some Truths! First, I have the mind of Christ!  Therefore, the paths are not a mystery.  It just means I have to get still before God, get in His Word and listen.  I know He is not a God of confusion.  He will bring peace when I have set my foot on the path of His will.  Circumstances mean nothing.  God is not a God of circumstance, He is a God of miracles!  He parts the waters if a sea is in the way.  He shuts the mouths of lions if obedience finds you in a lions' den. He even keeps not just the flames but the smell of smoke away from you if honoring Him lands you in a fiery furnace.  And in reality, my situations that I am perplexed in are simply a matter of which blessing do I want to enter into!  There is nothing bad happening. In fact, I have found joy unspeakable over the past few months!  I have a renewed skip in my step. I have found the secret of hiding under the shelter of the wings of God almighty!  And for that I am thankful!

So our life may be up in the air right now, but I know things will land soon.  I know God will be faithful to complete that which He started and I know that as long as we continue to seek God with an open, willing heart, the end will exceed anything we could possibly hope or imagine no matter which path we end up planting our foot and heading down!  Life with God is amazingly awesome!  If you don't know Him, you are missing out!  And if you know of Him but haven't encountered Him, take some time to be still with Him!  He wants to reveal more of Himself to you!  Go on a date with God! He is the greatest Love I have ever know!

Have a great Thursday!  Be blessed!