At the beginning of last year, God woke me up with a message that I needed to be on my knees battling for my children. You can read about that here. As I look back over 2015, I see that was an accurate warning...and I wish I had been more diligent to really war, not just the bed time and morning prayer, but on my knees, in the Spirit warring for my children. As I reflected on that coming into this year, God reminded me that my prayer and worship life will dictate a lot about the rest of my life! So I committed to staying up late, getting up early, whatever it takes to truly war for my family, my ministry, the dreams God has placed inside of me. After about a week of truly warring like I have never done before (inspired also by the movie War Room and making my own War Room in the closet under our stairs....), I felt like all hell had broken lose again and at a whole new level! One night as I cried out in frustration to God, I had a revelation! In my traditional American Christianity way, I expected things to go smoothly because I had stepped it up....stepped up my obedience in some areas that had been lagging, stepped up my prayer life, stepped up...well, you get the picture! I had the "I did my part, now where are you?!" mentality!
But as I cried out that night, God asked me how many wars I knew of where when one side decided to finally take action and go to war, the other side just laid down their weapons and went away? Well, I thought, with the exception of a couple in the Bible where God just intervened in miraculous ways, all other wars I could think of were two way battles! When the one side decided to fire, the other side fired back!
So I decided to get over my tantrum, I mean let's be honest, I was just throwing a 2 year old tantrum because things were hard, I did what I was told, and it didn't work! But God reminded me that night that it is working! He reminded me that the enemy was defeated at the cross! So what I am facing right now is just his distractions. There is not a question of who wins this war, it is simply a question of will I hang on until the enemy has used all his tricks and understands I am not backing down and goes on to someone else who he can distract and lie to?! So instead of getting discouraged and giving up, I stepped up my game! I have found ways to dive into the Word in new and refreshing ways, like Bible journaling, in order to arm myself for the war....because this gal ain't stopping until I stand firm and stable on the Promise Land God has shown me is mine for the taking!
Showing posts with label victory. Show all posts
Showing posts with label victory. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 13, 2016
Monday, May 18, 2015
He Will Not Leave You As Orphans
Yesterday was one of the best days in the life of a mother! I watched as John baptized our son Toben Obadiah. Toben accepted Christ as his savior a couple months ago, but I was not here. John was the one who had the privileged of having that conversation with him! So it was a special day to watch the symbolic act of my son being buried with Christ and raise to walk as a new man in his identity in Christ!
The biggest lesson I learned from our loss of our first baby to a miscarriage is that my children are not mine. I had no idea all that being a mother would take me through on that day in January almost 17 years ago, but I knew that children were God's. He would give them to us for the time He needed for His purposes in His kingdom! That lesson has been reinforced time and time again...and I was reminded of it again yesterday as I watched my son, born in Liberia half a world away, come up out of that water as a follower of Jesus Christ!
Obviously, this is a huge deal for any of my children! But when one of our kiddos that God placed in our family through adoption makes their profession of faith, it is such a huge reminder of the call on the lives of God's people for adoption. As I watched yesterday, I thought of his first mother who I owe everything! I wished I could pick up the phone and call her or text her pictures of our boy so she could rejoice with us that our son had given his life to Jesus! But I also thought of the hard days. I thought of the ten days we waited in Liberia because the enemy tried to keep our son from the destiny God had for him. I rejoiced once again as the enemy was defeated as Toben raised up out of the water a new creation in Christ! See, I know without a doubt, adoption is about new life. It's about new identities. It is what our adoption in Christ means, and it is what the adoption of my children in the natural means!
I desperately needed that reminder yesterday! It's been a hard season. But as I watched my son demonstrate his commitment to make Jesus Lord of his life, I was encouraged and renewed in my commitment to hand over my life - daily - to my Lord and Savior!
"I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you." John 14:18
I desperately needed that reminder yesterday! It's been a hard season. But as I watched my son demonstrate his commitment to make Jesus Lord of his life, I was encouraged and renewed in my commitment to hand over my life - daily - to my Lord and Savior!
"I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you." John 14:18
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
It will be enough.....
Can anyone out there relate to weariness? I know weary in this season like I have never known weary before. I thought I knew weary, but this is weary at a whole new level! John and I were talking the other day. I know the joy of the Lord is my strength. I know we are supposed to have abundant life, and I don't believe that life is one that finds us grumbling all the time and ....weary. Yet, that is exactly where I find myself most days.
I am doing all I know to do. I am in the Word daily, praying almost hourly, crying out to God - often even out loud - through out the day as I have feelings of being overwhelmed and feel like the water is most definitely going over my head. So then the voices start accusing me of not having joy on top of all the other accusations that they have hurled at me throughout the day!
I shared with John that right now life feels like I get up, fail at being a good mother, fail at being a good wife, leave work with a bigger to-do list than I started with despite working my tail off all day, fail at health, fail at our finances....you get the picture. Then I go to bed defeated, wake up - sometimes with a fresh outlook sometimes with just enough strength to get out of bed - and do it all over again. There are moments of joy when a baby laughs and it makes me smile, or Journey has a new word he uses in the wrong context, or I see one of the older ones nurturing a relationship with a younger sibling, or John schedules me a massage....there are moments of joy, but overall, life is just extremely weary.
So as I look at school starting and entering the fall season where our schedule becomes double and triple booked most evenings, I almost faint with fear. I have been trying to gear up. Yet, it seems God's presence has been just beyond reach the past week. So today, I just sat down and cried out for a fresh Word from Him. I just sat in my chair with my coffee...just got still before Him and asked Him to speak.
I opened my Bible, and there was a book mark that took me to Judges. And plain as day I heard in my head "Judges 6". So I turn there and start reading. God promises when we seek Him we will find Him! And today I can testify that is true!
As I began to read Judges 6, I realized it is a very familiar story. One I had actually read not that long ago after hearing a teaching on Gideon and wanting to do more study on the back story. There is a part of Gideon's story that I can so relate with! In Judges 6:13, Gideon asks the angel of the Lord, "if the Lord is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all his wonders that our fathers told us about when they said, 'Did not the Lord bring us up out of Egypt?' But now the Lord has abandoned us and put us into the hand of Midian." I have rants like that to God, John and sometimes poor intimate friends who catch me on a bad day! But God, where are the finances to provide for these children you asked me to care for? But God, if you are with us, why am I having to fight so hard to keep placing waiting children in homes? But God where is the money to pay for the adoption of these two babies? But God, where is the time to love and parent 8 children and run a ministry and fight for children? Where are all the promises you have given to me when we walked by faith?
Let me stop there and just say....every huge faith step that John and I have taken in the past almost 17 years have failed. Yes, failed. At least that is how it appears when looking at outcomes. If it didn't completely fail, then the outcome looked nothing like what we had thought it would when we stepped off that mountain into a free-fall of trust and faith into it! I can remember a few years ago when we were once again looking into the face of a huge faith journey. I just sat and cried asking God why all my "stones of remembrance" were ones of Him failing me? But as the years have passed, and as I have gotten to know my God more intimately, I no longer look back at those stones of remembrance the same way. It's true Eden and Addy didn't come home. It's true adoptions in Liberia did not open back up. It's true I am not currently in a relationship with the daughter God gave me a mother's heart for. It's true the contract that I worked three years to complete is in jeopardy after only placing 5 waiting children in forever homes. But with mature eyes, I can see that in each and every one of those circumstances, I grew closer to God. He taught me a little each time about faith and trust. He showed me a new dimension of Himself in each journey we took. And really, I think that was His goal when He asked us to take the step of faith...not the outcome we sought!
So today as I sat and reflected on my weariness and all of the promises God has given over the past couple of years that seem to be empty, I cried out for a new Word of encouragement from the One I have grown to trust and love...and truly believe is good no matter what the circumstances of my life might say.
And just like Him, in His very personal, loving and intimate nature, He answered. After Gideon's rant about "where are you", God answers him with a sentence I know I have read multiple times but never saw before this morning. The Holy Spirit highlighted it as I read this morning. It says, "Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian's hand. Am I not sending you?" In the strength you have - soothing balm to my weary soul! God knows I am tired. God knows I end each day with just enough energy - physically, emotionally and often spiritually - to climb in bed and lay down my head. And this morning He let me know, that's enough! Whatever you have, do what I have asked with what you have....it will be enough!
What are you facing today that seems overwhelming? Are you weary or defeated? Can I encourage you to face today with what you have? Do it tired. Do it afraid. Do it broke. Do it depressed. Whatever God is asking you to do this morning, do it with what you have, and at the end of the day, it will be enough if You are trusting in Him!
I am doing all I know to do. I am in the Word daily, praying almost hourly, crying out to God - often even out loud - through out the day as I have feelings of being overwhelmed and feel like the water is most definitely going over my head. So then the voices start accusing me of not having joy on top of all the other accusations that they have hurled at me throughout the day!
I shared with John that right now life feels like I get up, fail at being a good mother, fail at being a good wife, leave work with a bigger to-do list than I started with despite working my tail off all day, fail at health, fail at our finances....you get the picture. Then I go to bed defeated, wake up - sometimes with a fresh outlook sometimes with just enough strength to get out of bed - and do it all over again. There are moments of joy when a baby laughs and it makes me smile, or Journey has a new word he uses in the wrong context, or I see one of the older ones nurturing a relationship with a younger sibling, or John schedules me a massage....there are moments of joy, but overall, life is just extremely weary.
So as I look at school starting and entering the fall season where our schedule becomes double and triple booked most evenings, I almost faint with fear. I have been trying to gear up. Yet, it seems God's presence has been just beyond reach the past week. So today, I just sat down and cried out for a fresh Word from Him. I just sat in my chair with my coffee...just got still before Him and asked Him to speak.
I opened my Bible, and there was a book mark that took me to Judges. And plain as day I heard in my head "Judges 6". So I turn there and start reading. God promises when we seek Him we will find Him! And today I can testify that is true!
As I began to read Judges 6, I realized it is a very familiar story. One I had actually read not that long ago after hearing a teaching on Gideon and wanting to do more study on the back story. There is a part of Gideon's story that I can so relate with! In Judges 6:13, Gideon asks the angel of the Lord, "if the Lord is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all his wonders that our fathers told us about when they said, 'Did not the Lord bring us up out of Egypt?' But now the Lord has abandoned us and put us into the hand of Midian." I have rants like that to God, John and sometimes poor intimate friends who catch me on a bad day! But God, where are the finances to provide for these children you asked me to care for? But God, if you are with us, why am I having to fight so hard to keep placing waiting children in homes? But God where is the money to pay for the adoption of these two babies? But God, where is the time to love and parent 8 children and run a ministry and fight for children? Where are all the promises you have given to me when we walked by faith?
Let me stop there and just say....every huge faith step that John and I have taken in the past almost 17 years have failed. Yes, failed. At least that is how it appears when looking at outcomes. If it didn't completely fail, then the outcome looked nothing like what we had thought it would when we stepped off that mountain into a free-fall of trust and faith into it! I can remember a few years ago when we were once again looking into the face of a huge faith journey. I just sat and cried asking God why all my "stones of remembrance" were ones of Him failing me? But as the years have passed, and as I have gotten to know my God more intimately, I no longer look back at those stones of remembrance the same way. It's true Eden and Addy didn't come home. It's true adoptions in Liberia did not open back up. It's true I am not currently in a relationship with the daughter God gave me a mother's heart for. It's true the contract that I worked three years to complete is in jeopardy after only placing 5 waiting children in forever homes. But with mature eyes, I can see that in each and every one of those circumstances, I grew closer to God. He taught me a little each time about faith and trust. He showed me a new dimension of Himself in each journey we took. And really, I think that was His goal when He asked us to take the step of faith...not the outcome we sought!
So today as I sat and reflected on my weariness and all of the promises God has given over the past couple of years that seem to be empty, I cried out for a new Word of encouragement from the One I have grown to trust and love...and truly believe is good no matter what the circumstances of my life might say.
And just like Him, in His very personal, loving and intimate nature, He answered. After Gideon's rant about "where are you", God answers him with a sentence I know I have read multiple times but never saw before this morning. The Holy Spirit highlighted it as I read this morning. It says, "Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian's hand. Am I not sending you?" In the strength you have - soothing balm to my weary soul! God knows I am tired. God knows I end each day with just enough energy - physically, emotionally and often spiritually - to climb in bed and lay down my head. And this morning He let me know, that's enough! Whatever you have, do what I have asked with what you have....it will be enough!
What are you facing today that seems overwhelming? Are you weary or defeated? Can I encourage you to face today with what you have? Do it tired. Do it afraid. Do it broke. Do it depressed. Whatever God is asking you to do this morning, do it with what you have, and at the end of the day, it will be enough if You are trusting in Him!
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
5K, 40 and what God taught me!
That's me as I crossed the FINISH line!!! I did it! If you know me, you now that the fact that I put my arms up as I ran by John when he snapped this picture tells you what was going on inside of me! There were other people watching, and I would never have done that, but what was going on inside came bubbling out as I passed him and Journey and knew that self doubt for the journey of health and wellness were defeated forever!
It was AMAZING! It will definitely go down as one of the biggies as a stone of remembrance in my spiritual walk. In fact, literally every part of the 5K was a lesson! God talked to me the entire time making spiritual comparisons to what was happening physically. By the end of the race, I was just praying God would help me recall all he told me when I could sit down to write it all out. Just before my last push to the end, God said to write it all down and be ready to share it! So if you have a women's event coming up and need a speaker, I would love to come share what God showed me about running the race of life through this journey!
Can I just tell you that I would have quit so many times if not for making a big deal about it here and on my Facebook page?! By the time the race got here that morning, I was scared to death! I know it sounds silly and totally illogical, but aren't most of our fears and strongholds the enemy has us trapped in?! I pushed through those only because I had accountability to those who had spoken words of confidence over me, and I was not going to let them or my family down by not going through with it. They said go, I start jogging and about 10 yards in, I start feeling like my legs are lead, I need to go to the bathroom, and I think I will puke any second! I am not even .10 miles into this thing!! How will I ever finish and finish strong?! But I keep going. After that initial panic was over, I realized it is just like the enemy to give one last ditch effort to keep us from victory! I had ran almost .70 miles in training, but .1 into the race that would defeat the devil, he plays mind games with me to make me stop the race! Wow! How many victories have I missed because the last leg of the journey was harder than I expected or the enemy simply psyched me out and I quit?!
I didn't run the whole thing..in fact, I didn't ever run as far at one time as I had in training. But my goal was to finish, and not be last. I met that goal..and actually had my best personal time! I finished in 46 minutes and 30 something seconds! But way more important than the time was finishing with freedom! Seriously, for anyone who has not been in spiritual warfare or been on a journey to break a generational stronghold, this will sound crazy. It won't be the first...and I am sure not the last..time I am called crazy! I knew since deciding to do the 5K that when I crossed the finish line I would be doing something in the natural that would release the spiritual freedom I needed to finally walk in health and wellness. The self-doubt and whatever else you call what kept me eating poorly and "settling" for this life would be done! I was a weeping mess even before I got to the starting line! Part of that was fear too! I had a friend encouraging me. I laughed because she said, you have fought African governments for children, this race has nothing to scare you! Funny isn't it, the things we let fear get a grip of in our life?! I knew I wanted to run (ok jog....as my FB friends know I don't really run! Someone posted something that said my running looks like a herd of turtles running through peanut buttern and that's me!) across the finish line! I had a plan. I had never taken the time to get good running music, so the night before I had downloaded Mandisa's knew album. GREAT running music! Maybe not the fastest tempo, but the words to two of her songs could not have been more appropriate! There was one song, Pres On, that I knew would push me over the finish line strong. So I had a plan to switch my music to that song right as I start my sprint (ok, really fast walk/jog, but I can dream, can't I?!) to the end. I turned the corner...I set my music, and I picked up the pace! And then, my phone does crazy stuff and switches songs every second or two! Ugh! NO!!!! So I go back to a walk, put it on Press On, and pick it up again. Same thing! Ugh!!!! Really, God?! Now?! I need this to get past that line up there! I try one more time....same thing! Forget it! I take off letting the crazy phone do it's thing! About 10 seconds later, I am smiling from ear to ear because it lands on Dance, Dance, Dance! I knew it wasn' t a coincidence! God had just given me the biggest hug possible! You see, when that album came out YEARS ago, I would sing that song dreaming of being free from the bondage of weight and food addiction. Mandisa wrote it on her journey through the same thing. I would sing it as a prayer more than a celebration because I wasn't there yet! But here, when I was walking out in the physical what I knew God was doing in the spiritual, my phone switches to this:
Maybe you don't understand why I gotta dance
There was something had me down but it's over now
I'm a throw my hands up
Wave 'em all in the air
'Cause all I wanna do is dance, dance, dance
They told me you ain't good enough
Don't look good enough
Don't sing good enough
Maybe you should give it up
And if I would've then I never could've received
None of the things that He planned for me
So I waited a little longer
Grew a little stronger and then
I realized something was happening
It's so incredible, it's unexplainable
You oughta try Him for yourself and see because
[Chorus]
Sometimes I think about
How it used to be, and can't help but
Remembering how it was never easy for me, no, no
But the way God works, it's so amazing
He never forgot me, I can't forget Him
That's enough for me to lift my hands and
I'm sorry if you don't understand
[Chorus]
All my tears (it's over now)
And all my pain (it's over now)
All my doubts (it's over now)
They went away (it's over now)
No more fear (it's over now)
And I'm glad (it's over now)
Yes, so glad
'Cause all I wanna do is dance
Wow! If I could have breathed enough, I would've literally danced across the finish line! It was just confirmation of what I already knew! I was now walking in freedom and VICTORY!!!!! Friends, to borrow the words of Mandisa, you really oughta try him for yourself and see!!! If you don't know Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior, please e-mail (hollyann@addyshope.com) me! I would love to talk to you more about the freedom you can have!
Oh...and 40, well it's looking FABULOUS!
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Already off the wagon - but not staying there!
Trained two days, then skipped three days! Ugh! I told you I was committed to the good, the bad, and the ugly on here! That's ugly!
It seemed everything worked against me this week...sick kids, extra work load...but that's just it. In this season, there will not be a "convenient" time for getting healthy. I am going to have to fight for the time to run/exercise. I am going to have to carve out time to cook and shop healthy. It has to take priority! I can't have the "later" mentality....like, I'll run later today. First thing in the morning before the rest of my world comes to life is going to have to be my time for exercise.
I know the battle is still raging because at one point yesterday the despair of trying and failing so many times came back with overwhelming force! You know that, "You failed again, you might as well just quit" voice. Followed by "You'll never be anything other than what you are right now." Well, that's just a lie! The enemy wants to keep me in a state of despair and defeat!
Part of maturing in my walk with Christ and in particularly in my awareness of the spiritual realm and what it means in my daily walk is recognizing attacks for what they are and fighting back with the weapons of warfare. Second Corinthians 10 tell us that even though we walk in the flesh, we don't war with weapons of the flesh. We have to fight with the weapons of spiritual warfare that are "divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses." We are not fighting things of this world. So fighting with things we "see" will do no good. This chapter continues to tell us, "We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God." That's it! We are fighting against those things we have believed - like I am a failure at exercising and getting healthy! A text came in yesterday that sent me in a tail spin toward depression. It might as well have been signed, "love, Satan"! It was directly from him to put another brick in the fortress of the stronghold of the lies he wants me to believe about my ability to handle all that is in my life right now. But when I realize it was a fiery dart sent from the enemy, I can stop the spiral with the Truth! Looking back at the circumstances surrounding the babies coming to live with us (something we never sought out, but God lit each step of the path...steps we didn't even know were there!)...how He orchestrated the move and blessed us in so many ways along that path, when I stop and look at those Truths along with Philippians 4:13 that promises I can do anything as long as it is God strengthening me to do it, I can know there is hope. And I know that I am on the path God has asked me to walk even if it seems crazy to most everyone else, and I do what 2 Corinthians 10 says we do with our weapons of warfare, "we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ!"
As soon as I stopped, hit my knees, cried out, started repeating out loud (my kids are used to it now and only occasionally ask me if I've lost my mind) these Truths, the despair lifted! The hope returned. Nothing about my circumstances changed one bit. It was all fought and won in my mind!
It's the same with any stronghold that has a grip on you and is keeping you from walking in complete freedom and victory in Christ! First we have to ask if there is any sin that is allowing the enemy access to us in this area. If there is, we have to stop, and repent. That means turn and go the other way! God's forgiveness is complete and total! That sin is gone. Now you have to replace the hole left by that sin in your mind with Truth! The enemy will desperately try to keep you in bondage even after you have stopped sinning. And sometimes, there is no sin. It's just the words of another or a generational bondage that has been passed down through your family. Whatever it is, the answer is the same.....use scripture to deflect the arrow of lies that the enemy uses to build the stronghold. With every Truth you believe, a brick of the wall falls.
I've known the tools for years, but I am just now learning how to recognize the battle immediately and put the tools to use! It is energizing and brings so much hope! When you realize the enemy truly has no power over you than what you give him, you start recognizing when you've given him power and you TAKE. IT. BACK!
So, today, I will run! I will not buy the lie that I can't do it. I will not buy the lie that this time will be the same as all times before. And I will not buy the lie that my life is too much to handle! And I pray for anyone reading this who is battling lies keeping them in a stronghold that Holy Spirit will speak Truth over you that you can cling to and tear down your stronghold as well!
For if the Son makes you free, you are free indeed! (John 8:36)
It seemed everything worked against me this week...sick kids, extra work load...but that's just it. In this season, there will not be a "convenient" time for getting healthy. I am going to have to fight for the time to run/exercise. I am going to have to carve out time to cook and shop healthy. It has to take priority! I can't have the "later" mentality....like, I'll run later today. First thing in the morning before the rest of my world comes to life is going to have to be my time for exercise.
I know the battle is still raging because at one point yesterday the despair of trying and failing so many times came back with overwhelming force! You know that, "You failed again, you might as well just quit" voice. Followed by "You'll never be anything other than what you are right now." Well, that's just a lie! The enemy wants to keep me in a state of despair and defeat!
Part of maturing in my walk with Christ and in particularly in my awareness of the spiritual realm and what it means in my daily walk is recognizing attacks for what they are and fighting back with the weapons of warfare. Second Corinthians 10 tell us that even though we walk in the flesh, we don't war with weapons of the flesh. We have to fight with the weapons of spiritual warfare that are "divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses." We are not fighting things of this world. So fighting with things we "see" will do no good. This chapter continues to tell us, "We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God." That's it! We are fighting against those things we have believed - like I am a failure at exercising and getting healthy! A text came in yesterday that sent me in a tail spin toward depression. It might as well have been signed, "love, Satan"! It was directly from him to put another brick in the fortress of the stronghold of the lies he wants me to believe about my ability to handle all that is in my life right now. But when I realize it was a fiery dart sent from the enemy, I can stop the spiral with the Truth! Looking back at the circumstances surrounding the babies coming to live with us (something we never sought out, but God lit each step of the path...steps we didn't even know were there!)...how He orchestrated the move and blessed us in so many ways along that path, when I stop and look at those Truths along with Philippians 4:13 that promises I can do anything as long as it is God strengthening me to do it, I can know there is hope. And I know that I am on the path God has asked me to walk even if it seems crazy to most everyone else, and I do what 2 Corinthians 10 says we do with our weapons of warfare, "we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ!"
As soon as I stopped, hit my knees, cried out, started repeating out loud (my kids are used to it now and only occasionally ask me if I've lost my mind) these Truths, the despair lifted! The hope returned. Nothing about my circumstances changed one bit. It was all fought and won in my mind!
It's the same with any stronghold that has a grip on you and is keeping you from walking in complete freedom and victory in Christ! First we have to ask if there is any sin that is allowing the enemy access to us in this area. If there is, we have to stop, and repent. That means turn and go the other way! God's forgiveness is complete and total! That sin is gone. Now you have to replace the hole left by that sin in your mind with Truth! The enemy will desperately try to keep you in bondage even after you have stopped sinning. And sometimes, there is no sin. It's just the words of another or a generational bondage that has been passed down through your family. Whatever it is, the answer is the same.....use scripture to deflect the arrow of lies that the enemy uses to build the stronghold. With every Truth you believe, a brick of the wall falls.
I've known the tools for years, but I am just now learning how to recognize the battle immediately and put the tools to use! It is energizing and brings so much hope! When you realize the enemy truly has no power over you than what you give him, you start recognizing when you've given him power and you TAKE. IT. BACK!
So, today, I will run! I will not buy the lie that I can't do it. I will not buy the lie that this time will be the same as all times before. And I will not buy the lie that my life is too much to handle! And I pray for anyone reading this who is battling lies keeping them in a stronghold that Holy Spirit will speak Truth over you that you can cling to and tear down your stronghold as well!
For if the Son makes you free, you are free indeed! (John 8:36)
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Free Will, My Choice, Sacrifice and Warfare
So the move was to our promised land. However, it's felt more like the 40 years in the wilderness compacted into three weeks. It has greatly frustrated me that things have not gone smoothly. I mean we stepped out in faith, right?! God provided this job...that was the faith step and where it was supposed to end, the rest was just supposed to be rainbows and roses. When we walked through the door of this home we were supposed to walk into a mecca of peace, blessings and happily ever after. I mean, that's how it's supposed to work when you take a big leap of faith, right?
As I write it, I can see how ludicrous it sounds, but somehow in my mind, that was how it was supposed to be. I was excited about the move, looking forward to our new life in our new home with great anticipation. I hadn't taken into account the fact that I had yet to be fully in charge of all four babies by myself while having to manage a job, dinners, school pick ups and drop-offs, etc, etc. I hadn't really counted the cost of not selling our house yet and what that would truly mean for the first weeks in our new home. I hadn't anticipated learning that grand-baby number three will be due around May of next year. With each passing day of boxes and babies while alone in a house I can't leave - I mean where am I supposed to go, we don't have a stroller that holds more than two and grocery carts don't hold many more than that if you want room to put anything in them - I could feel myself slipping into depression. And did I mention where we live is about 15 minutes from ANY sizable store? At least until the new Wal- Mart opens in a few weeks...but that hasn't helped in the current circumstances of my transition. I felt myself becoming a person I left behind years ago. I have battled depression....took medicine and the whole shooting match! I know depression is real! I know there are times you need medication to deal with depression when there are chemicals in your body that are not working correctly. But I knew this was not a chemical issue. This was WAR.
But here's the thing, I was so weary and so far gone already in my thoughts that I wasn't sure how to fight. And of course, when you are in that kind of pit, the enemy taunts you relentlessly with any thoughts of trying to reach out for help. But I knew I was up against a real battle when John had gone out of town for a business trip and the heaviness set in. I did pretty good at going through the motions, and think for the most part had a happy face for the kids. But inside my mind, the battle was raging and each hour seemed to grow darker than the one before. I went up to do the night time routine with the little girls. I knelt down to pray with Ava (had to get on the floor because she is sleeping on a mattress on the floor since the movers demolished her bed when half our belongings fell off the back of the truck, but I digress...). As I said, "let's pray", Ava stopped me. She asked if she could pray. Confession: I was a little relieved! I wasn't really nuts about talking to God right then. I kind of felt like He had left me to die in the middle of the battlefield with blood flowing from all my open wounds, one of the many lies I was believing at this point. We take each other's hands, Ava on one side of me and Madison on the other. Ava begins to pray.....and as I hear the words, tears well up in my eyes..."and Jesus send your angels around my mommy so she doesn't die". What? What does she mean so I don't die? She doesn't know anything is going on, and while I am low, I am not suicidal! Have I mentioned how spiritually in-tune my 7 year old is? We finish our prayers, I give the kisses, tell them I love them, threaten Madison if she gets out of bed with as much wrath as I can muster looking at her frizzy hair framed face as she grins at me, and I leave the room. I didn't give the prayers much more thought until the next morning when I woke up and realized the heaviness was gone! I was trying to figure out what was different, and God brought her prayer back to mind...and I thought - no, I wasn't going to die physically, but I was on a spiral spiritually, and her prayers broke the bondage and the dark cloud lifted a bit. It was still there, but it lifted enough that I could see just enough light to know that I was truly in a battle for my mind. I began to cry out to God for help to break free of the grip all together! I asked for wisdom and knowledge to know what started me down the slippery slope in the first place.
I had come up with a lot of answers, and I am sure they had some part in the darkness. One thing I realized was that I was more in tune to the flesh and the voice giving wrong direction than to The Voice that I know is for me and not against me! I started trying to get relief from the darkness by eating something that was satisfying to the taste buds, or watching a favorite show, or some other silly thing that would then leave me feeling worse because I wasted time or felt fat....you know how the enemy is! He tells you what will make you feel better then mocks you because you feel worse having done it! One day at a time, I began to fight back! I would ask God to show me where the battle was and would begin to make choices that would bring me back to freedom....like when the kids went down for a nap, I started to grab a cookie to sit down for "just a minute" to have some "me" time. But I had done that in the recent past and it had just brought frustration that nap time hadn't been as productive as I'd hoped. So I stopped and literally asked God to show me what would make me feel better....unpacking a box would make me feel better..so I did it. And guess what? I felt better! I felt productive - the cloud lifted a little more. I reached out to some and shared my battle with depression and asked them to pray for relief and strength for the battle.
Each day was a little brighter, a little less dark. Then on the way home from my first trip out of the house with all four babies...took me three days of "trying" to get out of the house to finally make this trip...I was listening to the radio and the announcer made a statement that was something like God always gives you the choice because we have free will. That hit a nerve and I immediately heard God say, "You do have a choice!"
You see, I didn't want to raise my grand-babies. I wanted to be Mimi! I wanted them to come over for sleep overs for Friday nights. I wanted to take them out for ice cream and then take them home all hyped up on sugar. I didn't want to be the care giver, the disciplinarian, the "mom". But when circumstances played out the way they did, we did what we believed God was not only telling us to do, but literally highlighting each step and orchestrating every fact and event so that there was no question and no wondering what His will was. Since we gained custody of the babies, I have said, "What choice did we have?" I mean really, is there a choice between letting CPS take your grand-kids and stepping in to ensure their safety yourself? And that day in the car listening to the radio, God said, "Yes! There is a choice!" Now, I am not saying I have wrestled through that yet. I argued with God all the way home that really, there is no choice. But he gently reminded me that He does give free will and I could have walked away. Really?! Walk away?! I couldn't do that, so there is no choice! But that is really not scriptural! That's not sound theology! God will never force Himself on any of His children. And so I had to face the reality....I couldn't blame God anymore for the sacrifices we have had to make for the grand-babies to live with us. It was my choice. I chose to say yes.
See, the weeks of thinking I didn't have a choice had started a seed of bitterness in me against God, against my daughter, and was beginning to grow against my sweet and innocent babies. The enemy started his taunting of "just think what you could afford if you didn't have to pay childcare for the two extra kids" or "you would already be unpacked and have your house set up if not for the two extra kids" or "you wouldn't be dragging out of sheer fatigue if you weren't getting up twice a night with the baby". Here's the deal...those are all true statements! And so in the beginning, I didn't realize it was an attack! But every day that I entertained those thoughts, I began to take a mindset that I was sacrificing too much for them, for her, and what should be a joy and an act of service to my God and my grand-babies became a slippery slope into a pit of depression and anger toward just about everyone in my life.
And here's the deal...it all happened in my mind! It only took about two weeks for the enemy to have planted enough seeds that I was headlong going down a path I would never have dreamed just weeks earlier! You see, the enemy is out to steal, kill and destroy! He knows that we are walking into our promised land, and he has thrown some HUGE punches in order to keep us in the wilderness a bit longer. But I have a choice just like the Israelites did. I can look at my promised land and see giants or I can look at my promised land and see a land already won and paid for by my Savior waiting for me to inhabit and trust Him to fight the giants and provide in whatever way I need to walk right on the land with the enemy under my foot!
As only a personal and loving God can, the morning of the day I would have this revelation, I was looking through some notes and went to a scripture that really had nothing to do with any of this. But I started reading around it and God spoke right to my circumstances! In Mark 10, Peter is basically whining to God that they have left "everything" for Him. Jesus replies, "Truly I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or farms, for My sake and for the gospel's sake, but that he will receive a hundred times as much now in the present age, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and farms." I am sure I have read that scripture a million times, but I have never seen that part where God assures Peter that there is a reward in this "present age" for giving it all and following God! But God didn't take it from them, they gave it. A choice. And in return, God promises 100 times as much as we give back in this present age! Not for when we get to heaven...there are rewards there too, but we are not to live life on this earth struggling and barely making it into the gates of heaven battered and weary from the sacrifices of a Christian life! We are to live victoriously! And now is a good time to say, I have told God there is no need to reward me with 100 times as many grand-kids for this choice to serve! Ha! And the verse does go on to say that we will be persecuted also for giving up what we have for God. So it will not always be rainbows and roses, but there will be promises of provision and sustaining blessings when we choose!
That should be the end. But my brain is very logical and analytical. And when I think about the "choice" to take my grand-babies or not take them, it is still really hard for me to see a choice. I am still wrestling with God a bit with this, so I can't tell you I have the answer, but this I know. I gave my life to Christ. I agreed to be his bond-servant. Without the sacrifice He made for me, I would be a slave to my sin, and for the freedom He has given me from my sin nature (when I choose to walk in that freedom, I might add), I owe him my life! Not just a neat prayer that says I know He was born, died and rose again, but my life! My every day, wake up, go to sleep, and what I do in-between that life. That was the first choice...to make Him Lord. Then every day I have choices to keep Him Lord. Some are small, like am I going to eat the cookie even though I know I am looking to food for comfort rather than Jesus, and some are huge, like will I choose to be a vessel of redemption for a generation?
That day in the car, God said, "You don't have to do this. And I understand if you say no. It's a hard journey I have asked you to take. It requires sacrifice not just from you and John but from your kids as well. It will require financial, emotional and physical sacrifice that at times will stretch you to new limits of fatigue, exhaustion and weariness on every front. The choice is yours. But in return you will have My blessings. You will have My protection. In return you will be the instrument of redemption and freedom in a generation of two lineages of bondage. But the choice is yours."
Sigh. I don't know what it would look like if we said no to the babies. But I do know that because they are here, the enemy will be defeated with the plans he has for their lives! I do know that the plans God has for an abundant life, for a hope and a future that is good for them will come to be because they are in our home. And that's the choice I have. Do I choose God?
And with that realization that I have chosen God, and chosen life for these innocent lives, I see them in a totally different way! They go from being a burden and a sacrifice to being what they are....innocent lives in desperate need of God's grace and the love of a family with the safety physically, emotionally and spiritually that a family provides. And that makes the endless screaming because they don't know how to be comforted easier to bear. It makes the third feeding in a night when I can barely open my eyes a joy to do. And with that choice, the battle is done! God won! The enemy is placed under my feet where He belongs. I will take up my cross and follow my Savior, I will choose this day to serve God and make Him Lord of my home...and that home includes two precious babies 11 months apart who call us Mimi and Grumps!
I share this only because I know there are so many others out there who are struggling with the subtle lies that the enemy has planted over time. You are sinking into a deep pit. And a choice to follow God and do something He asked you to do might have been what you think started you into the pit, but that is the first lie that like me, you believed! I want you to know that if you will just ask God, he will reveal the lies! He will show you how to get out of the pit! For me, praise and worship is huge! When I am in the pit of despair, I don't always get much from reading the Bible...just being transparent here...but if I put on some worship music (I usually use Youtube when I am in a bad place because not only do I hear worship, I see worship with the people singing) it breaks the darkness just enough for me to then begin hearing from God a bit. I am going to put links to some of my favorite worship songs for battle. There is also an amazing message by Bill Johnson on how we give territory to either the enemy or the Holy Spirit in our thought life as well as a blog by Tom Vermillion an amazing author who just happened to be one of our pastors and the man who I credit with dispelling my traditional thinking on spiritual warfare and showing me the truth to equip myself for the life God has called me to live! And if you are in the pit of despair, I would count it an honor and privilege to pray for you and stand with you against the enemy. Feel free to email me at hollyann@addyshope.com. You have a choice also! Choose life, choose God! Fight back! You are not alone!
http://www.ibethel.tv/watch/1773/sunday-morning/2013/09/08
There are several posts on the demonic that are great to read if you are new to truths of spiritual warfare! He also has a book called Born to be Free which I would highly recommend!
http://www.tomvermillion.com/09/17/dealing-with-the-demonic-part-1/
As I write it, I can see how ludicrous it sounds, but somehow in my mind, that was how it was supposed to be. I was excited about the move, looking forward to our new life in our new home with great anticipation. I hadn't taken into account the fact that I had yet to be fully in charge of all four babies by myself while having to manage a job, dinners, school pick ups and drop-offs, etc, etc. I hadn't really counted the cost of not selling our house yet and what that would truly mean for the first weeks in our new home. I hadn't anticipated learning that grand-baby number three will be due around May of next year. With each passing day of boxes and babies while alone in a house I can't leave - I mean where am I supposed to go, we don't have a stroller that holds more than two and grocery carts don't hold many more than that if you want room to put anything in them - I could feel myself slipping into depression. And did I mention where we live is about 15 minutes from ANY sizable store? At least until the new Wal- Mart opens in a few weeks...but that hasn't helped in the current circumstances of my transition. I felt myself becoming a person I left behind years ago. I have battled depression....took medicine and the whole shooting match! I know depression is real! I know there are times you need medication to deal with depression when there are chemicals in your body that are not working correctly. But I knew this was not a chemical issue. This was WAR.
But here's the thing, I was so weary and so far gone already in my thoughts that I wasn't sure how to fight. And of course, when you are in that kind of pit, the enemy taunts you relentlessly with any thoughts of trying to reach out for help. But I knew I was up against a real battle when John had gone out of town for a business trip and the heaviness set in. I did pretty good at going through the motions, and think for the most part had a happy face for the kids. But inside my mind, the battle was raging and each hour seemed to grow darker than the one before. I went up to do the night time routine with the little girls. I knelt down to pray with Ava (had to get on the floor because she is sleeping on a mattress on the floor since the movers demolished her bed when half our belongings fell off the back of the truck, but I digress...). As I said, "let's pray", Ava stopped me. She asked if she could pray. Confession: I was a little relieved! I wasn't really nuts about talking to God right then. I kind of felt like He had left me to die in the middle of the battlefield with blood flowing from all my open wounds, one of the many lies I was believing at this point. We take each other's hands, Ava on one side of me and Madison on the other. Ava begins to pray.....and as I hear the words, tears well up in my eyes..."and Jesus send your angels around my mommy so she doesn't die". What? What does she mean so I don't die? She doesn't know anything is going on, and while I am low, I am not suicidal! Have I mentioned how spiritually in-tune my 7 year old is? We finish our prayers, I give the kisses, tell them I love them, threaten Madison if she gets out of bed with as much wrath as I can muster looking at her frizzy hair framed face as she grins at me, and I leave the room. I didn't give the prayers much more thought until the next morning when I woke up and realized the heaviness was gone! I was trying to figure out what was different, and God brought her prayer back to mind...and I thought - no, I wasn't going to die physically, but I was on a spiral spiritually, and her prayers broke the bondage and the dark cloud lifted a bit. It was still there, but it lifted enough that I could see just enough light to know that I was truly in a battle for my mind. I began to cry out to God for help to break free of the grip all together! I asked for wisdom and knowledge to know what started me down the slippery slope in the first place.
I had come up with a lot of answers, and I am sure they had some part in the darkness. One thing I realized was that I was more in tune to the flesh and the voice giving wrong direction than to The Voice that I know is for me and not against me! I started trying to get relief from the darkness by eating something that was satisfying to the taste buds, or watching a favorite show, or some other silly thing that would then leave me feeling worse because I wasted time or felt fat....you know how the enemy is! He tells you what will make you feel better then mocks you because you feel worse having done it! One day at a time, I began to fight back! I would ask God to show me where the battle was and would begin to make choices that would bring me back to freedom....like when the kids went down for a nap, I started to grab a cookie to sit down for "just a minute" to have some "me" time. But I had done that in the recent past and it had just brought frustration that nap time hadn't been as productive as I'd hoped. So I stopped and literally asked God to show me what would make me feel better....unpacking a box would make me feel better..so I did it. And guess what? I felt better! I felt productive - the cloud lifted a little more. I reached out to some and shared my battle with depression and asked them to pray for relief and strength for the battle.
Each day was a little brighter, a little less dark. Then on the way home from my first trip out of the house with all four babies...took me three days of "trying" to get out of the house to finally make this trip...I was listening to the radio and the announcer made a statement that was something like God always gives you the choice because we have free will. That hit a nerve and I immediately heard God say, "You do have a choice!"
You see, I didn't want to raise my grand-babies. I wanted to be Mimi! I wanted them to come over for sleep overs for Friday nights. I wanted to take them out for ice cream and then take them home all hyped up on sugar. I didn't want to be the care giver, the disciplinarian, the "mom". But when circumstances played out the way they did, we did what we believed God was not only telling us to do, but literally highlighting each step and orchestrating every fact and event so that there was no question and no wondering what His will was. Since we gained custody of the babies, I have said, "What choice did we have?" I mean really, is there a choice between letting CPS take your grand-kids and stepping in to ensure their safety yourself? And that day in the car listening to the radio, God said, "Yes! There is a choice!" Now, I am not saying I have wrestled through that yet. I argued with God all the way home that really, there is no choice. But he gently reminded me that He does give free will and I could have walked away. Really?! Walk away?! I couldn't do that, so there is no choice! But that is really not scriptural! That's not sound theology! God will never force Himself on any of His children. And so I had to face the reality....I couldn't blame God anymore for the sacrifices we have had to make for the grand-babies to live with us. It was my choice. I chose to say yes.
See, the weeks of thinking I didn't have a choice had started a seed of bitterness in me against God, against my daughter, and was beginning to grow against my sweet and innocent babies. The enemy started his taunting of "just think what you could afford if you didn't have to pay childcare for the two extra kids" or "you would already be unpacked and have your house set up if not for the two extra kids" or "you wouldn't be dragging out of sheer fatigue if you weren't getting up twice a night with the baby". Here's the deal...those are all true statements! And so in the beginning, I didn't realize it was an attack! But every day that I entertained those thoughts, I began to take a mindset that I was sacrificing too much for them, for her, and what should be a joy and an act of service to my God and my grand-babies became a slippery slope into a pit of depression and anger toward just about everyone in my life.
And here's the deal...it all happened in my mind! It only took about two weeks for the enemy to have planted enough seeds that I was headlong going down a path I would never have dreamed just weeks earlier! You see, the enemy is out to steal, kill and destroy! He knows that we are walking into our promised land, and he has thrown some HUGE punches in order to keep us in the wilderness a bit longer. But I have a choice just like the Israelites did. I can look at my promised land and see giants or I can look at my promised land and see a land already won and paid for by my Savior waiting for me to inhabit and trust Him to fight the giants and provide in whatever way I need to walk right on the land with the enemy under my foot!
As only a personal and loving God can, the morning of the day I would have this revelation, I was looking through some notes and went to a scripture that really had nothing to do with any of this. But I started reading around it and God spoke right to my circumstances! In Mark 10, Peter is basically whining to God that they have left "everything" for Him. Jesus replies, "Truly I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or farms, for My sake and for the gospel's sake, but that he will receive a hundred times as much now in the present age, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and farms." I am sure I have read that scripture a million times, but I have never seen that part where God assures Peter that there is a reward in this "present age" for giving it all and following God! But God didn't take it from them, they gave it. A choice. And in return, God promises 100 times as much as we give back in this present age! Not for when we get to heaven...there are rewards there too, but we are not to live life on this earth struggling and barely making it into the gates of heaven battered and weary from the sacrifices of a Christian life! We are to live victoriously! And now is a good time to say, I have told God there is no need to reward me with 100 times as many grand-kids for this choice to serve! Ha! And the verse does go on to say that we will be persecuted also for giving up what we have for God. So it will not always be rainbows and roses, but there will be promises of provision and sustaining blessings when we choose!
That should be the end. But my brain is very logical and analytical. And when I think about the "choice" to take my grand-babies or not take them, it is still really hard for me to see a choice. I am still wrestling with God a bit with this, so I can't tell you I have the answer, but this I know. I gave my life to Christ. I agreed to be his bond-servant. Without the sacrifice He made for me, I would be a slave to my sin, and for the freedom He has given me from my sin nature (when I choose to walk in that freedom, I might add), I owe him my life! Not just a neat prayer that says I know He was born, died and rose again, but my life! My every day, wake up, go to sleep, and what I do in-between that life. That was the first choice...to make Him Lord. Then every day I have choices to keep Him Lord. Some are small, like am I going to eat the cookie even though I know I am looking to food for comfort rather than Jesus, and some are huge, like will I choose to be a vessel of redemption for a generation?
That day in the car, God said, "You don't have to do this. And I understand if you say no. It's a hard journey I have asked you to take. It requires sacrifice not just from you and John but from your kids as well. It will require financial, emotional and physical sacrifice that at times will stretch you to new limits of fatigue, exhaustion and weariness on every front. The choice is yours. But in return you will have My blessings. You will have My protection. In return you will be the instrument of redemption and freedom in a generation of two lineages of bondage. But the choice is yours."
Sigh. I don't know what it would look like if we said no to the babies. But I do know that because they are here, the enemy will be defeated with the plans he has for their lives! I do know that the plans God has for an abundant life, for a hope and a future that is good for them will come to be because they are in our home. And that's the choice I have. Do I choose God?
And with that realization that I have chosen God, and chosen life for these innocent lives, I see them in a totally different way! They go from being a burden and a sacrifice to being what they are....innocent lives in desperate need of God's grace and the love of a family with the safety physically, emotionally and spiritually that a family provides. And that makes the endless screaming because they don't know how to be comforted easier to bear. It makes the third feeding in a night when I can barely open my eyes a joy to do. And with that choice, the battle is done! God won! The enemy is placed under my feet where He belongs. I will take up my cross and follow my Savior, I will choose this day to serve God and make Him Lord of my home...and that home includes two precious babies 11 months apart who call us Mimi and Grumps!
I share this only because I know there are so many others out there who are struggling with the subtle lies that the enemy has planted over time. You are sinking into a deep pit. And a choice to follow God and do something He asked you to do might have been what you think started you into the pit, but that is the first lie that like me, you believed! I want you to know that if you will just ask God, he will reveal the lies! He will show you how to get out of the pit! For me, praise and worship is huge! When I am in the pit of despair, I don't always get much from reading the Bible...just being transparent here...but if I put on some worship music (I usually use Youtube when I am in a bad place because not only do I hear worship, I see worship with the people singing) it breaks the darkness just enough for me to then begin hearing from God a bit. I am going to put links to some of my favorite worship songs for battle. There is also an amazing message by Bill Johnson on how we give territory to either the enemy or the Holy Spirit in our thought life as well as a blog by Tom Vermillion an amazing author who just happened to be one of our pastors and the man who I credit with dispelling my traditional thinking on spiritual warfare and showing me the truth to equip myself for the life God has called me to live! And if you are in the pit of despair, I would count it an honor and privilege to pray for you and stand with you against the enemy. Feel free to email me at hollyann@addyshope.com. You have a choice also! Choose life, choose God! Fight back! You are not alone!
http://www.ibethel.tv/watch/1773/sunday-morning/2013/09/08
There are several posts on the demonic that are great to read if you are new to truths of spiritual warfare! He also has a book called Born to be Free which I would highly recommend!
http://www.tomvermillion.com/09/17/dealing-with-the-demonic-part-1/
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
More of You, No Matter the Cost!
I've really got to stop writing posts like the last one! Seems that every time I do, I'm challenged on the truth I put into words. Later the same day that I had written the post, I received a letter in the mail that opened a firestorm of events in my life. Events that would bring a first for me. You know when you say on a phone call, "get this fixed or you will be speaking to my attorney?" Well, I had to make good on that for the first time in my life yesterday! Someday I will share details - but right now, please pray for me. I am up against a system in our society that I have learned this week is known for it's retaliation and blackballing of people who whistle blow. And anyone who knows me knows that nothing gets my blood boiling like injustice....and this system works with underprivileged people all the time! If they are doing this to me, I cannot even imagine what they are doing to those who do not have an understanding of the system or have the means to fight this giant! It is on their behalf that I will fight this! I wear a bracelet that says, "Be the Change!" Putting feet to that in this situation.
Then we get news about a family member that sent us to our knees in fear as well as concern and overwhelming sadness. The battle with the social system had me once again wanting to walk away from the work that I do. I know the enemy is out to get my ministry. It is evident. As I was in between phone calls on Monday dealing with the current issue, my phone rings and it is a reporter from the New Yorker calling to fact find on the piece I gave information for over a year ago (that honestly I thought had already gone to print and I just missed seeing it) about the corruption in adoption in Liberia when we worked there. I am going to have to find the post of when we brought Toben home and re-post...not even sure I ever really posted about it because it was such a traumatic event at the time. Google my name. You will find a news article that says I trafficked children. That was what we found when we got on US soil with our precious Toben after a 10 day fight! Working internationally and accused of child trafficking. Working domestically, and now this. It was as if God was sending me a message with the call from the New Yorker..."Remember what happened when the enemy did this? You spent a couple of weeks worrying if the FBI was going to show up on your doorstep and arrest you. Nothing came of that! You almost laugh at it now. You will do the same of this situation!" It was in that moment that God solidified once again the call He has on my life. I'm not special! He has a call on all our lives...you have one on yours too! And then He reminded me of the week I went to Austin and had some life transforming moments with Him.
I listened to Bill Johnson podcasts all the way to Austin that week. He spoke right to my soul! He taught on some things that God has used to literally transform my life, my thinking. The podcast that challenged me the most was "Being the Sacrifice Fire Falls On". Google it and listen to it, but beware! It is life changing! God reminded me yesterday that I had prayed the same prayer Bill Johnson prayed....more of you, God, no matter the cost! When Bill Johnson prayed that, he woke up paralyzed three nights in a row. It's an amazing testimony!
Within weeks of coming home from that trip where I prayed with all my being to experience more of God and to know Him at a different level than I ever have, a child left our family, my house was torn apart by a remodel, my marriage hit some bumps and my ministry is threatened! Every area of my identity has been rocked! The small voice came back, "Do you still mean it? Do you really mean whatever the cost?" And in the face of all the conflict, especially the threatening of my ministry, and in a moment that I truly believe God was saying, "You can walk away!", I knew I really did mean it! More of God, less of me, whatever the cost! Bill Johnson says it best:
"Doesn't matter what it costs. I died to that a long time ago. I'm not in this because of what I get, I'm in it because it's what I was born for. I was summoned. I was called by The Only One who has a right to rule my life. I was summoned, I was called by name. I would be a fool to say no to that summons, that call, that invitation. [I have a desire] to be the offering, that which attracts God."
Don't hear me say that God puts us through trials for kicks or for His own pompous need for us to need Him. Nothing could be further from the truth! He allows trials in our lives for our own need of Him. In our weakness is when He is strong. It is in our raw need that we see Him the most. It is in our desperate times that we learn to lean on Him...when we literally have nothing or no one else. And that is where these events have left me! Raw, vulnerable and totally open to the presence of God because He is the only One who can bring peace. I have learned to find contentment in any and all circumstances. I have learned to not be led by emotions. I have learned to trust Him and fight the enemy not believing the lies the enemy tries to throw at me. I have learned to live by faith - being sure of what I hope for and certain of what I do not see - in a way I never have. I have been challenged to believe that without faith it is impossible to please God and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him! To believe any of that, I had to believe what I read in the Bible is truth and "reality" and not my circumstances!
And in the face of it all, I say, if I get a more intimate knowledge of God and relationship with God in the exchange, I say, YES!
Then we get news about a family member that sent us to our knees in fear as well as concern and overwhelming sadness. The battle with the social system had me once again wanting to walk away from the work that I do. I know the enemy is out to get my ministry. It is evident. As I was in between phone calls on Monday dealing with the current issue, my phone rings and it is a reporter from the New Yorker calling to fact find on the piece I gave information for over a year ago (that honestly I thought had already gone to print and I just missed seeing it) about the corruption in adoption in Liberia when we worked there. I am going to have to find the post of when we brought Toben home and re-post...not even sure I ever really posted about it because it was such a traumatic event at the time. Google my name. You will find a news article that says I trafficked children. That was what we found when we got on US soil with our precious Toben after a 10 day fight! Working internationally and accused of child trafficking. Working domestically, and now this. It was as if God was sending me a message with the call from the New Yorker..."Remember what happened when the enemy did this? You spent a couple of weeks worrying if the FBI was going to show up on your doorstep and arrest you. Nothing came of that! You almost laugh at it now. You will do the same of this situation!" It was in that moment that God solidified once again the call He has on my life. I'm not special! He has a call on all our lives...you have one on yours too! And then He reminded me of the week I went to Austin and had some life transforming moments with Him.
I listened to Bill Johnson podcasts all the way to Austin that week. He spoke right to my soul! He taught on some things that God has used to literally transform my life, my thinking. The podcast that challenged me the most was "Being the Sacrifice Fire Falls On". Google it and listen to it, but beware! It is life changing! God reminded me yesterday that I had prayed the same prayer Bill Johnson prayed....more of you, God, no matter the cost! When Bill Johnson prayed that, he woke up paralyzed three nights in a row. It's an amazing testimony!
Within weeks of coming home from that trip where I prayed with all my being to experience more of God and to know Him at a different level than I ever have, a child left our family, my house was torn apart by a remodel, my marriage hit some bumps and my ministry is threatened! Every area of my identity has been rocked! The small voice came back, "Do you still mean it? Do you really mean whatever the cost?" And in the face of all the conflict, especially the threatening of my ministry, and in a moment that I truly believe God was saying, "You can walk away!", I knew I really did mean it! More of God, less of me, whatever the cost! Bill Johnson says it best:
"Doesn't matter what it costs. I died to that a long time ago. I'm not in this because of what I get, I'm in it because it's what I was born for. I was summoned. I was called by The Only One who has a right to rule my life. I was summoned, I was called by name. I would be a fool to say no to that summons, that call, that invitation. [I have a desire] to be the offering, that which attracts God."
Don't hear me say that God puts us through trials for kicks or for His own pompous need for us to need Him. Nothing could be further from the truth! He allows trials in our lives for our own need of Him. In our weakness is when He is strong. It is in our raw need that we see Him the most. It is in our desperate times that we learn to lean on Him...when we literally have nothing or no one else. And that is where these events have left me! Raw, vulnerable and totally open to the presence of God because He is the only One who can bring peace. I have learned to find contentment in any and all circumstances. I have learned to not be led by emotions. I have learned to trust Him and fight the enemy not believing the lies the enemy tries to throw at me. I have learned to live by faith - being sure of what I hope for and certain of what I do not see - in a way I never have. I have been challenged to believe that without faith it is impossible to please God and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him! To believe any of that, I had to believe what I read in the Bible is truth and "reality" and not my circumstances!
And in the face of it all, I say, if I get a more intimate knowledge of God and relationship with God in the exchange, I say, YES!
Monday, July 19, 2010
From the Addy's Hope News Blog
I am cross-posting this from the Addy's Hope News Blog...thank you faithful prayer warriors! I believe we are seeing the first mortar fall from the wall we have been marching around for a year and a half now! I hear the sound of cracking brick and we will soon march over the ruins of wickedness and corruption that have kept us from heping the chidren! Praise God!!!
The meeting with the new Minister of Justice and other parties involved in the persecution of adoption it set for tomorrow morning. I have been in continual prayer for this meeting. I believe it was no irony that yesterday's sermon at my church was on spiritual warfare. But even before the message was delivered, during the worship time, I felt a strong sense of needing to pray for the battle waging for the children of Liberia. As such, I began praying for them. Immediately a peace flooded me. I believe this matter is settled. We will see great victory come from this meeting. Of course, my time is not God's time. I don't know that this victory will be evident immediately. My request to God is that we see immediate results, but I don't know that it will happen. I believe God was encouraging me to hang tight and not lose hope or question the outcome if immediate results are not evident. He will bring about that which has been settled in His timing...which is rarely the same as mine! Can anyone relate?!
This morning as I prayed again about the meeting, God took me to Psalm 33 and 34. I ask you to join me in proclaiming the Word over this meeting and the situation with adoption and children in Liberia. Let me remind everyone that this is much bigger than just adoption. We are talking about leaders in the Ministry of Health who have taken, from the last report I heard, over $300,000 (US, not Liberian dollars) from children who are in orphanages that have nothing to do with adoptions. This is the money the government was supposed to be giving those who care for the children to feed them. This money was literally stolen out of the mouths of the children by the very people set in authority by President Sirleaf and her people to care for the "health and social welfare" of these children. Anyone else see a serious problem?
So my prayer is not that adoptions open. Yes, that is part of it, but I am asking you to pray that these people be brought to justice and removed from their seats of authority so that Godly men and women can be put in authority and the well-being of the Liberian children can once again be at the forefront of what the Ministry of Health and Social Welfare is doing.
Here is what God brought me to and I am asking you to agree with me in prayer:
Psalm 34:
7 ~ The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and rescues them.
8-10 ~ O taste and see that the Lord is good; how blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him: O fear the Lord, You His saints; for to those who fear Him there is no want. The young lions do lack and suffer hunger; but they who seek the Lord shall not be in want of any good thing.
15-22 ~ The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous and His ears are open to their cry. The face of the Lord is against evildoers, to cut off the memory of them from the earth. The righteous cry, and the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones, not one of them is broken, evil shall slay the wicked, and those who hate the righteous will be condemned. The Lord redeems the soul of His servants, and none of those who take refuge in Him will be condemned.
Psalm 37
7-15
Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him; do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, Because of the man who carries out wicked schemes. Cease from anger and forsake wrath; do not fret; it leads only to evildoing. For evildoers will be cut off, but those who wait for the Lord, they will inherit the land. Yet a little while and the wicked man will be no more; and you will look carefully for his place and he will not be there. But the humble will inherit the land and will delight themselves in abundant prosperity. The wicked plots against the righteous and gnashes at him with his teeth. The Lord laugh ts at him, for He sees his day is coming. The wicked have drawn the sword and bent their bow to cast down the afflicted and the needy [orphans and those who care for them], to slay those who are upright in conduct [those of us who have spoken out publicly against the corruption in the Ministry of Health]. Their sword will enter their own heart, and their bows will be broken.
34~ Wait for the Lord and keep His way, and He will exalt you to inherit the land; when the wicked are cut off, you will see it.
I am dancing for joy at the truths in those verses! The authority is all God's! He will deal harshly with those who plot against His people and especially against His children! Praise Him! To Him be all the glory from the outcomes of this meeting!
Concerning what I believe to be God speaking victory over the wicked in power over the care of children and the battle waging for these children:
Psalm 33:9-12 ~ For He spoke, and it was done; He commanded, and it stood fast. The Lord nullifies the counsel of the nations; He frustrates the plans of the peoples. The counsel of the Lord stands forever. The plans of His heart from generation to generation. Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord, the people whom He has chosen for His own inheritance.
Thank you for journeying with us and praying for the children of Liberia. I look forward to reporting to all of you prayer warriors the victories we will see in the days, weeks, months and years to come. I have always believed that God has big plans for Liberia and intends to make Liberia a power house nation....much like American. But He must have righteous leaders before that can happen. Your prayers are working to bring that about. Just one more time we as Christians are called to a very small part of a much larger picture! Thank you for your faithfulness and dedication. Words can't express the gratitude I have for those of you praying with us!
For the oppressed,
HollyAnn
The meeting with the new Minister of Justice and other parties involved in the persecution of adoption it set for tomorrow morning. I have been in continual prayer for this meeting. I believe it was no irony that yesterday's sermon at my church was on spiritual warfare. But even before the message was delivered, during the worship time, I felt a strong sense of needing to pray for the battle waging for the children of Liberia. As such, I began praying for them. Immediately a peace flooded me. I believe this matter is settled. We will see great victory come from this meeting. Of course, my time is not God's time. I don't know that this victory will be evident immediately. My request to God is that we see immediate results, but I don't know that it will happen. I believe God was encouraging me to hang tight and not lose hope or question the outcome if immediate results are not evident. He will bring about that which has been settled in His timing...which is rarely the same as mine! Can anyone relate?!
This morning as I prayed again about the meeting, God took me to Psalm 33 and 34. I ask you to join me in proclaiming the Word over this meeting and the situation with adoption and children in Liberia. Let me remind everyone that this is much bigger than just adoption. We are talking about leaders in the Ministry of Health who have taken, from the last report I heard, over $300,000 (US, not Liberian dollars) from children who are in orphanages that have nothing to do with adoptions. This is the money the government was supposed to be giving those who care for the children to feed them. This money was literally stolen out of the mouths of the children by the very people set in authority by President Sirleaf and her people to care for the "health and social welfare" of these children. Anyone else see a serious problem?
So my prayer is not that adoptions open. Yes, that is part of it, but I am asking you to pray that these people be brought to justice and removed from their seats of authority so that Godly men and women can be put in authority and the well-being of the Liberian children can once again be at the forefront of what the Ministry of Health and Social Welfare is doing.
Here is what God brought me to and I am asking you to agree with me in prayer:
Psalm 34:
7 ~ The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and rescues them.
8-10 ~ O taste and see that the Lord is good; how blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him: O fear the Lord, You His saints; for to those who fear Him there is no want. The young lions do lack and suffer hunger; but they who seek the Lord shall not be in want of any good thing.
15-22 ~ The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous and His ears are open to their cry. The face of the Lord is against evildoers, to cut off the memory of them from the earth. The righteous cry, and the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones, not one of them is broken, evil shall slay the wicked, and those who hate the righteous will be condemned. The Lord redeems the soul of His servants, and none of those who take refuge in Him will be condemned.
Psalm 37
7-15
Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him; do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, Because of the man who carries out wicked schemes. Cease from anger and forsake wrath; do not fret; it leads only to evildoing. For evildoers will be cut off, but those who wait for the Lord, they will inherit the land. Yet a little while and the wicked man will be no more; and you will look carefully for his place and he will not be there. But the humble will inherit the land and will delight themselves in abundant prosperity. The wicked plots against the righteous and gnashes at him with his teeth. The Lord laugh ts at him, for He sees his day is coming. The wicked have drawn the sword and bent their bow to cast down the afflicted and the needy [orphans and those who care for them], to slay those who are upright in conduct [those of us who have spoken out publicly against the corruption in the Ministry of Health]. Their sword will enter their own heart, and their bows will be broken.
34~ Wait for the Lord and keep His way, and He will exalt you to inherit the land; when the wicked are cut off, you will see it.
I am dancing for joy at the truths in those verses! The authority is all God's! He will deal harshly with those who plot against His people and especially against His children! Praise Him! To Him be all the glory from the outcomes of this meeting!
Concerning what I believe to be God speaking victory over the wicked in power over the care of children and the battle waging for these children:
Psalm 33:9-12 ~ For He spoke, and it was done; He commanded, and it stood fast. The Lord nullifies the counsel of the nations; He frustrates the plans of the peoples. The counsel of the Lord stands forever. The plans of His heart from generation to generation. Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord, the people whom He has chosen for His own inheritance.
Thank you for journeying with us and praying for the children of Liberia. I look forward to reporting to all of you prayer warriors the victories we will see in the days, weeks, months and years to come. I have always believed that God has big plans for Liberia and intends to make Liberia a power house nation....much like American. But He must have righteous leaders before that can happen. Your prayers are working to bring that about. Just one more time we as Christians are called to a very small part of a much larger picture! Thank you for your faithfulness and dedication. Words can't express the gratitude I have for those of you praying with us!
For the oppressed,
HollyAnn
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