Mommy insecurities

I was picking Callie up from school today when one of the other mom's in her class said that she had made her little girl a sweater to look like Gabriella from High School Musical and I would have to tell her if she did a good job making it look like Gabriella's sweater. So my mind starts thinking back....I don't remember Gabriella's sweater, but she must mean something like she put the letter on the sweater to look like the high school letter sweater or something...no one makes a sweater! WRONG! Her daughter comes out in a precious orange sweater....she had crocheted (I can't even spell it!) her daughter a sweater for her Halloween costume! I immediately started beating up on myself for the fact that my poor kids don't ever even get home made cookies much less a crocheted sweater! But I am the mom God gave them, and He made them so I am assuming He will make up for the holes I leave in my children's lives! Because no matter how much balance I have and how hard I try to be Susy homemaker, I don't think...no I KNOW I will never crotchet my girls a sweater!

On top of that, I got some pictures back that I had printed and this was in them! I just laughed and thought, yep, this is the kind of mother my kids have! Look at that hair! We may not have sweaters, but we have a lot of laughs! :)

Random Thoughts from Petree life this week

I am home from church with Ava today as she was puking all day yesterday and we don't want to pass this along to the other children at Stonegate! ;) So I am having cabin fever and since everyone I know is at church, I decided to blog to keep from going nuts!

Ava is feeling much better today as was evident by the completely emptied box of snack baggies that I just picked up off the kitchen floor! Yesterday she didn't leave her daddy's or my lap all day. She was pretty pitiful! Now I pray no one else gets it!

Birds and the bees at 8.........
One of Callie's best friends at school is a boy. This has brought up many interesting conversations at our house. I really kind of like it because boys are not near as dramatic or back-stabbing as girls so we never have issues with this little boy like we do with the girls she is friends with. He is very sweet to Callie and they just have fun! She has been asking if he could come over to play, and I wasn't sure how I felt about that. I almost felt like eventhough they are friends, he needed to invite her over first. Then I realized that is pretty strange logic for friends! But as much as I hate to admit it, this relationship has me at a loss for what is acceptable and what I should allow! So this week, he asked her to come to his house to play. His mother is a teacher at Callie's school, so I was perfectly comfortable with their family (did I mention his dad assisted on my c-section with Ava before we knew our childrne were in the same class??!!! That is a bit weird! One week he is seeing ALL of me, and a few weeks later, he is sitting in my living room!) Anyway, she went to his house and had a blast. When his mother dropped them off, she said they were talking about spending the night. She told them boys and girls don't usually do that to which her son replied, "It's ok, mom, Callie will shower at her house and I will shower here before she comes over!" We laughed and told them that showers wasn't the only issue! So I guess the boundaries have now been set by both sets of parents...play at each other's house, but no spending the night! I can live with that!

the house.......
We are slowly making progress on the house. Last weekend I finished painting the base coat on Callie's room. I hope to paint palm trees later today. We can FINALLY walk through the front two rooms! That was a huge break through for me! I had a totaly mental block to those two rooms! Now I can work in there and not get totally depressed when I just walk past them. Yesterday , John and I painted the fire place. It really warmed up the living room. There are still so many projects to do that I feel like we will never get done, but I try to remind myself that every completed project is one step closer!

from three to four......
I am so excited that we have progress in Obie's case! But that made me think a lot about life when he comes home. Life is so crazy right now, I can't imagine adding another life to our mix! I want to make sure he has the attention he needs to bond and feel comfortable here in his new home. I can't wait to watch him experience all the new things he will be seeing.....running water, toilets, a closet full of clothes and toys, our church service with loud music and HUGE screnes for him to watch, but I know some of these things will be scary for him also. Will I have the energy to parent four children? Will we be able to afford it? How will I get it all done? But then I remember that the joy of raising children is worth every obstacle and hardship that they bring! Hearing them say, "I love you mommy!" makes it all worth it!

I am sure there are more ramblings I could post from this week, but I better get little bit down for a nap before she destroys the whole house! Along with the snack baggies, she has now emptied a book shelf and her sisters markers and crayons! Yes, she is definitly on the mend! :)

He is a PETREE!!!

I just got the phone call from Pastor Wesley that Obadiah is ours! We have a court decree and he will be sending it to us later today when they have electricity! Wow! I can't wait to lay my eyes on it! Then maybe this will all be more real. Thank you, God for getting us this far so quickly!

Now we really have to settle this name issue! :) John still says no to Obadiah...thank you for the FIFTEEN votes of confidence! But as I predicted 15 to 1 is still not good enough for John! ha! (I love you, Dear!) So we are on the hunt. I found the name Tobias last night. It means "God is good". That is a huge struggle for me right now (believing God is good), but yesterday in a sweet time with God, I made the resolve to believe He is good even though I don't "feel"
like He is good. Then I saw that name. I would love for him to carry that name. But it is definitely not Bob or Jim or Jack! It is a little less common! So we will see what John says. He didn't shoot it down.....not yet anyway! :)

Going to do a happy dance that my little boy is one major step closer to coming home! Praise God!!!

God's Love is Color-blind

Every since I can remember, I have told people that I wanted to have a child of every color! I LOVED the song "Jesus Loves the Little Children" when I was young. I know God put this passion in my heart at a young age. Well, I was at a friend's birthday party tonight and we were talking with her sister who said they used to tell my friend she was adopted because she has olive skin and they all had fair skin. I light heartedly said my kids don't joke about that because we are a half and half split! Two adopted, two not. Then my friend said to her sister, "they have children of every color." I hadn't stopped to think about it until she said that! I finally have my rainbow family! As soon as Obadiah gets here, we will have light, medium and dark! :)

When we started the adoption process for Eden and Addy, Callie and I talked a lot about all the different "issues". Those of you who know Callie know that she is VERY insightful for a young child! So one day she asked me how come God made her sisters black? I thought that was an interesting way to ask that question and just told her that God doesn't look at our family and see a white sister, a brown brother and two black sisters. He looks down and sees a family, period! She thought a minute and then said, "I guess God's love is color-blind then, huh, Mommy?" At that moment God birthed in me a dream to write a children's book titled God's Love is Color-Blind about a multi-racial family. My one draw back was who would illustrate it? Well, a wonderful artist with a heart for orphans has offered to illustrate it! So I am so excited! Now I just have to write it! :)

Hearing voices....

I called Pastor Wesley today to talk about a couple of things. He had some of the kids in his car with him. I asked him who he had with him (selfishly wondering if it is Obadiah, but it wasn't) and he told them to call out their names. I heard their little voices and nearly cried! Sometimes I disconnect so much from my ministry in that I get caught up in the e-mails and phone calls and "tasks" that I lose touch with the fact that all these tasks are bringing those voices home to be with their mommies who can tuck them in at night and sing over them when they are sick. So tonight I am thinking God for little voices!

Surrender and Release

I am doing a Bible study on prayer with some wonderful much more spiritually mature than me ladies at church! I am loving hearing the wisdom of these ladies who have walked more of life than I have. But honestly, this study has been a real challenge for me. I didn't realize how difficult it has become for me to ask God for anything. I can pray prayers that deepen my relationship with Him, but to ask for anything tangible just seems pointless. There are two major areas of my life where I have suffered great pain because of God not answering my prayers (at least not the way I had it planned out!). I believe His Word, and I know those answers have not been what I wanted because it was for my best and for His glory. But that doesn't mean the pain of the process is any less real or painful!

In my study this morning she talked about prayer lists. This whole study is a shift in paradigm for me in my thoughts of prayer. I was taught that prayer is giving your requests to God and then just seeing if he makes it happen. Kind of a lottery system. But as I study prayer, I see that it is a tool, a conduit as the author says, to bring about God's will on earth as it is in heaven- to make occur in the earthly realm what has already been ordained and spoken in the spiritual realm. Now I know most of you probably got this years ago, but this is a new concept for me, I think! It is really challenging my way of thinking about prayer! Today she said, "Prayer cannot be summed up in a simple two-part equation: my request + God's answer = prayer. Prayer is a process." Then about lists she says, "The date [the day you right down the request] is the day you surrender it to God for His purposes, His ways and His timing." See my dates have always been the day I commanded God and "claimed" his Word over MY timing and my purposes! What a different way to think!

So that brings me to surrender! Sounds so simple! Yet, I am finding it VERY difficult to surrender my prayers to God and release MY will for the situations I am praying. I know that God's ways are best and He can do more than I can imagine (Eden didn't come home, but 12 children have and 29 are in process!), but the pain that comes from being transformed and giving up my desires and my plans for God's will and the outcome that will do the most for his kingdom and His glory just flat out scares me! I don't want to suffer pain. I don't want to feel disappointed or have to walk through the valley to get to the mountain! But that is what I have to do! Surrender even if it means pain.....being content to be in God's will and being in relationship with Him! Trusting God! Oh how I wish that was easy for me! It used to be, but now when I try to surrender, I hear the voice of the enemy reminding me of the pain that could bring and how God 'disappointed' me before.

God, teach me who you are more every day so that trusting you is easy! Rid me of the flesh that desires my will over yours, that wants comfort over your glory! Transform me and draw me close! Thank you that you never change and that you never leave me nor forsake me! Show me how to release my will and surrender to Yours!

vent.........

Sometimes working in Africa is just a royal pain! Yes, I know this is my calling and callings are not always easy (seldom easy, actually). But this morning has been filled with frustrations! First off, just I started my day praying over my schedule because this was one of those days that had more things to do than time would allow! So I wanted to make sure God was the one ordering my steps and not me. One of the things I knew I had to do was call the Consular's office in Liberia to ask about a case with a new little boy in our orphanage. After finally getting through to the Embassy, TWICE I was disconnected when whoever in they transfered me to in the Consular's office picked up the phone. If I was calling the US, no big deal, but I'm calling Africa and it takes 2-3 minutes just to connect! So when I FINALLY get to talk to someone, they don't wait for the delay in the phone and start saying, "Ello! Ello! Ello! I just keep talking figuring it will get to them here in a minute and they will stop saying that! He doesn't want to give me to the Consular as usually. He says hold the line and I say ok. I hold for FIVE minutes (I am on my skype phone and it has a counter, so I know exactly how long I am talking) then the phone starts ringing again. The guy I was talking to answers the phone. I say I am holding for the Consular. He asks me who I am again, and I go through my whole spill. He says hold the line and I say ok. Then a lady gets on the phone and I go through the same thing again. She says, hold the line and I say ok. THEN a man gets on the phone and says, "I am the US Consular, may I help you?" And me in my West Texas way of being blunt, say, "You are? I thought Ms. Gurski was the consular!" To which he replies, there are more than one. I ask his name, he tells me (he is Liberian- pretty well making it clear he is not the US consular!) then in a very irritated voice asks me for my name, I tell him who I am and relay the message that Ms. Gurski has told me to call when I have a question. THEN he says, she is on the other line would I like to hold for her? By this time I have been on the phone almost 12 minutes, and my money is about gone on my account, so I said I would call back later. Did I mention I called yesterday too and was told she was busy?! Sometimes I think it would be easier to fly over there and meet face to face than try to make a phone call!

On a brighter note, my wonderful mother in law surprised me by calling and saying she was going to be in town and wants to come babysit Ava for a few hours this afternoon so I can work! So I am going to take her up on it! I am blessed with fabulous in-laws! Thank you God!

Personality Plus!

Here is my favorite picture of Obadiah so far! Does he not just look like he has lots of mischief in those eyes?! He and Noah are going to get along great! :) Guess I better go buy some pixie sticks. Looks like he might just like them!

Just wanted to share pics of my little guy! Thanks to Rachel for getting them for me!

Thank you to everyone who has voted! I can't believe there are nine people who read my blog! Every time there is a new vote I make sure John knows! These are his names so far: Adam (it just doesn't fit him to me!), Reagan (I think that is a girls' name) or Raleigh (not crazy about it, either!). I like Obadiah or Eli. But of course he doesn't like those! So that name game continues! :)

Stressed....Who ME?

Ok, so I have had this weird feeling on my right side starting last Monday that just kept getting worse. By Thursday I was sure something was definitly wrong. Won't go into the gorry details of incompetent doctors and PA's, but I finally saw a good doctor yesterday. Turns out they think I have shingles! I thought that was an old person disease! Dr. Salcido says, "These are classic signs of shingles. Have you been under stress?" My mother was in the room with me, so I didn' t even bother to answer as I knew the answer was about to be yelled over my shoulder from her! She proceeded to tell him just how stressful my life is. And he agreed that this is probably what it is.

So, I have shingles. I had an abdominal sonogram today to make sure there is nothing else wrong, but it looks like shingles it is!

It has me concerned, not because of the shingles, they are painful, but I can handle that! The part I am having a hard time handling is that my body is reacting this way to my life! I thought I was doing really good at handling all the stress (the move, all the children in my care in Liberia, all the families in my care in America, a house that is in the middle of remodel, boxes everywhere, three children, a husband, a tight budget, Pastor Wesley, an adoption, PTA, three families traveling to Liberia and getting stuck in the MOnrovia airport with people wanting bribes) but my body says I'm too stressed. So what is a girl to do? Which one of those things in that list do I give up? I don't see that any of them can go! So how do I handle it better so that my body is ok, I am ok, and my family is ok? Sometimes life on this earth just seems too hard! I want to glorify my Father in Heaven, but sometimes I just think I can't. He has asked too much, yet His word says He doesn't give me more than I can handle THROUGH HIM~ So on that note, I am going to go spend some time with my Heavenly Daddy!