It is here. The day that I will officially go from Mimi to Mommy. I have been in the role of mommy for some months now, but today it will be a legal, final title.
As John and I sat and talked about it, we both agreed that there are no words for the emotions. This is our 5th time to go before officials and declare our desire to make a child not born to us our legal child as if they were. There has always been such an excitement and grand anticipation of this day before. But this time is different. This time, that declaration carries with it such a heavy burden.
My road from Mimi to Mommy is a long and twisty one. The road started with a simple nod.
"So, are you pregnant?" And then the head nod that would turn my world upside down.
It took time, but we worked through it. We accepted that the daughter we had just taken in as our daughter, was now going to be a mother. And we were going to be grandparents...at 38 years young! The months ahead were spent trying to prepare a young girl how to be a woman and mother. I am sure we made many mistakes! But I know we did the best we could with what we knew and what we had to offer. And I know above all else, that we went to God with every decision we had to make and every questions we had about what was next over those weeks and months! He has been so faithful! I held my daughter's hand as she gave birth to her daughter on July 18, 2012. It was an emotional day for all of us! No matter what our past was, a new life had been born! A life God created with a purpose and a plan, a hope and future that was good! And a Mimi was born!
I would only get to love on my sweet girl for 5 weeks before she would leave our home when her mother ran away with her. It was one of the darkest and most confusing times of my life. Again, I am sure we made many mistakes, but we did the best we could with what we had and what we knew at that time. I would kiss her sweet face as she slept in a car seat that her mother carried as she walked out of the police station a few days later not knowing when or if I would ever see them again. I had to turn her totally and completely over to God! I would have worried myself into complete dysfunction if I had not just rolled her safety and well being over to God and left it with Him. Some days seemed unbearable. Others just left me in a heap of tears with aching arms to hold my daughter and my grandbaby.
We would only see her three or four times for just minutes at a time over the next 10 months. When we did see her, we were strangers. The joy of getting to see her was always met with the reality and heartbreak that she had no clue who we were! It was an agonizing pain like none I had ever known. And I was powerless to do anything about it. During those months we heard through the grapevine that we were going to be grandparents again.
On June 11, 2013 I once again stood in a delivery room as a baby boy would enter this world! He didn't want to breathe at first. I stood over him while he was in the warmer speaking life and praying complete health over him as nursery nurses were called up in case he became distressed. After what seemed like an eternity, they allowed us to hold him and felt confident he was going to be just fine.
We spent the next three weeks trying to build a relationship with our daughter and her new family. God would use this time to bring truth to light in a way that can only be accredited to Him! And on July 3 we received a phone call that we never dreamed we would receive. Our grandbabies had been left with John's parents. CPS would be coming to get them after the holiday to determine where they would be placed. The next hours were a blur as God literally lit each and every step for us to take! We learned things in minutes that I had never heard in years of a career with children! And on July 5, a judge granted us full custody of our two grandbabies. We now had 8 children in our home ages 13, 12, 8, 7, 3, 23 months, 11 months, and 3 weeks.
We intervened only to keep them safe. Our plan was for our daughter to get settled and the children return to her. From the time we found out she was pregnant, we had made it our goal to support and equip her to be a mother to her children. God would orchestrate a move half way across Texas just weeks after we gained custody of the babies. So we left all our support system and moved with 8 children, four of whom were 3 and under. It was the hardest year of my life! John and I looked at each other on more than one occasion and said, "We can't do this!" But when we would stop to pray about it, God would always take us back to how they came to be with us. There was No. Way. that could have happened outside of God orchestrating all the events just as He did. And what option did we have? If there had been any other way to keep them safe, we would have done it. But God made it clear, their place was with us. The enemy tried in so many ways to convince us we couldn't or shouldn't do it. But God was faithful to always bring us back to how they came to us, and remind us that He has a plan and a purpose for them...and that is ultimately whey they are with us. We are to raise them to be His children for His kingdom purposes!
We would learn that a third grandbaby was on his way into the world. After much prayer and consideration, we agreed that the two babies needed to stay with us in order to secure a permanent, stable home. And again, God made a way where we saw No. Way. In March 2014, relinquishment papers were signed allowing us to be free and clear to legally adopt the children ensuring that they will stay with us. And just like that my role changed from Mimi to Mommy.
It sounds so cut and dry. And I guess on legal papers, it is. But in my heart, it is anything but easy or cut and dry. I should be excited about tomorrow! And on some level I am. I am excited that legally, there will be nothing that can take these two precious ones out of my home. I am excited that there will be legal paperwork to support what I already know in my heart...they are mine. But it also is a death of a dream. A dream of getting to be Mimi to two precious children while I watched their mother, my daughter, raise them. It means realizing that they will have to wrestle one day with how and why their Mimi had to become their Mommy. There will be hard questions. There will be brokenness that will have to be healed. I always said when we started fostering that the emotions I had during the process were just unnatural. I did not know what to do with the emotions as there are no files in my brain to put them in because they are just not natural feelings. In a perfect world, there would be no need for adoption! There would be no orphans. This process has been much like that. There are just no files to sort out the emotions that come. There will be deep mourning over my daughter losing her role as mother for her children. And that breaks my heart in ways I never even knew it could break.
But as I think about last night when Ella (formerly Peighton) played on the stairs at the restaurant where we were eating, I get excited about tomorrow! Why? Because while playing on the stairs, she did a free fall about three steps up for Callie to catch her! No bid deal, you think? It is a HUGE. DEAL. It showed trust! The little girl who came to live with us was scared, confused, slept for three days straight, and cried just about non stop! But before me stood a confident, trusting, giggling little girl who just gets to be a little girl! And that makes me happy. And that makes all the sacrifices worth it!
And DJ, well you can ask anyone who knows him! He has a light in him that shines bright! And his smile can melt a heart in an instant! He is my boy!
Even as I sat down to really process things before we head to court, God showed up! I was going to look up the scriptures He had given me for Ella last year about this time. I knew they were in Isaiah but would have to do some looking to find exactly where. But as I opened my Bible to look, it opened to the exact page with the scriptures marked with her name! It was just one more encouragement from God that we are doing the right thing for them.
Today, the third time that we have scheduled court, we are FINALLY going to make this official! This Mimi is becoming their Mommy! And because EVERY adoption should be celebrated, I am going to do my best to lay aside why we are at this place and celebrate the fact that I have two more arrows in my quiver who are a blessing from God in order for me to train and equip them for their Kingdom purposes! The road has not been an easy one, but today, I lay it all down and embrace the title of Mommy with thanksgiving, excitement and joy!
Showing posts with label blessings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blessings. Show all posts
Monday, June 8, 2015
Friday, May 23, 2014
Blessings of a Large Family
I am writing reports today for adoptions. The writing of reports is not my favorite thing I do in my job...and when I am writing for court and have to report all that brought a child into care to begin with, it gets a bit heavy. So I am taking a break and sharing some reflections on my larger-than-normal family built in some part because others before me wrote such reports!
Let me start with a confession: mothering 9 children can be overwhelming. Shocker, I know! The laundry never ends. I have to use breathing exercises while I wait for the total at Sam's reminding myself the entire time that God is my provider and He promises we will not go hungry (and we have NEVER gone hungry!). Sometimes by 5:00, my brain literally hurts from concentrating on conversations with children from 2 to 14 many of which have the word "um" in them 1,895 times. I have usually changed 4 poopy diapers by 10 am. I could go on, but you get the picture. I am not always thankful for my blessings, aka: children.
But then there are days like this. It started out as an escape from insanity! Since we have moved and I work from home, I rarely leave my four walls except to grocery shop, transport kids to/from school and go to church. That's it. On this day, I was going a little crazy, so I had the bright idea of loading the youngest four into the wagon and taking a walk to pick up the elementary school kids from school.
It was a great idea....for about 1/2 a mile. Then I remembered why I had never done this before. We finally made it...even if we were a few minutes late. But it was on the way home that the reminder came....
Let me start with a confession: mothering 9 children can be overwhelming. Shocker, I know! The laundry never ends. I have to use breathing exercises while I wait for the total at Sam's reminding myself the entire time that God is my provider and He promises we will not go hungry (and we have NEVER gone hungry!). Sometimes by 5:00, my brain literally hurts from concentrating on conversations with children from 2 to 14 many of which have the word "um" in them 1,895 times. I have usually changed 4 poopy diapers by 10 am. I could go on, but you get the picture. I am not always thankful for my blessings, aka: children.
But then there are days like this. It started out as an escape from insanity! Since we have moved and I work from home, I rarely leave my four walls except to grocery shop, transport kids to/from school and go to church. That's it. On this day, I was going a little crazy, so I had the bright idea of loading the youngest four into the wagon and taking a walk to pick up the elementary school kids from school.
It was a great idea....for about 1/2 a mile. Then I remembered why I had never done this before. We finally made it...even if we were a few minutes late. But it was on the way home that the reminder came....
I look up to see this! I had not asked her to hold his hand. She has offered it to him! He didn't have to be forced to hold her hand. He took it willingly! Because of our family size, our bigger kids have to do things their friends do not...and a lot of times that involves a younger sibling! And in all the grumbling and complaining that sometimes accompanies those tasks, a bond forms that results in moments like this! He offered to pull the wagon. He waited patiently about 28 times while one child or another decided they wanted to switch from walker to rider and back again.
And these are the moments that make my heart sing and remind my why having a large family truly is a BLESSING!
And when I look at this grin, well, even the fact that I am starting over....again...at 40....is a BLESSING! And just in case your wondering, a certain almost one year old who wants to climb out of the wagon, will be content to ride in the cargo hole of said wagon...and will even play peek-a-boo over the cargo hole door!
Friday, October 18, 2013
A little Encouragement: You don't have to be perfect!
I have been listening to Bill Johnson's current serious around the wisdom of Solomon. The first part of this story that is amazing to me and I had never picked up on is that the entire conversation with God and impartation of Solomon's wisdom occurred in a dream! I got to start praying for more intimate dreams! But the second thing that really stuck out to me this morning as I am coming off of one of the hardest days I have ever had in spiritual warfare is in 1 Kings 3:14. It says, "If you walk in My ways, keeping My statutes and commandments, as your father David walked, then I will prolong your days." (emphasis added) There's some encouragement for you day! The standard that God uses as he imparts this amazing gift on Solomon is a man who had an affair and then arranged for his mistress' husband to be killed in battle! But even with those actions that I think the legalistic side of any Christian would characterize as one of the "biggies", God still tells Solomon if he walks like David, God will see that as a worthy walk! That has given me freedom today! I don't always have the best intentions and most certainly not the best thoughts. The enemy would have me believe that I can't be used of God after I fail in thought or action, but the Truth is as long as I repent of that and continue to seek God and do what He is asking, there is redemption, restoration and He will still. use. me! That encouraged me today....I hope it does you as well! It's FRIDAY! That should encourage you too! Be blessed today!
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Heavenly Father Knows Best
When God said to move from our 7th house in just 8 years of marriage, I wasn't exactly respectful in my reply...in fact, I think it went something like "are you kidding me?!" But He said to move for a swimming pool and a 5th bedroom. We only had three children at the time! And we were in a nice, comfortable, three bedroom, two bath home. But God said move, so we started looking!
Today as I enjoyed one of our numerous family times in the pool, connecting and playing with 5 of our 7 children, I was reminded of how God sees the future that we have not a clue is around the corner! God knew when he told us to move that the next 5 years would bring 4 more children. He knew that 5th bedroom would go from a luxury to a necessity. He knew the bedrooms that I thought were quite the waist of space because they are HUGE compared to most bedrooms these days along with their double walk in closets in each room were going to be a huge blessing to our now equally as HUGE family! He knew that the pool would provide one of the few activities that all our children with their 16 year age difference would enjoy....and it's free!
As I reflect on that, it makes some of the things God is telling me today to do that seem quite unnecessary, a little more exciting! I could never have dreamed what the pool and 5th bedroom would mean! Makes me want to jump into obedience in the areas God is asking me to walk right now with great anticipation of what is just around the corner that I can't see yet....but He knows! It's a great reminder that God always knows what's best and will guide me in the paths that will bring me to more than I could ever hope or imagine if I will simply focus on Him and walk in obedience!
And now to consume some pizza with my amazing kiddos and fabulous husband while we end our Sunday family day with a movie! Ever so thankful for the family God has built...truly a family built on faith!
Today as I enjoyed one of our numerous family times in the pool, connecting and playing with 5 of our 7 children, I was reminded of how God sees the future that we have not a clue is around the corner! God knew when he told us to move that the next 5 years would bring 4 more children. He knew that 5th bedroom would go from a luxury to a necessity. He knew the bedrooms that I thought were quite the waist of space because they are HUGE compared to most bedrooms these days along with their double walk in closets in each room were going to be a huge blessing to our now equally as HUGE family! He knew that the pool would provide one of the few activities that all our children with their 16 year age difference would enjoy....and it's free!
As I reflect on that, it makes some of the things God is telling me today to do that seem quite unnecessary, a little more exciting! I could never have dreamed what the pool and 5th bedroom would mean! Makes me want to jump into obedience in the areas God is asking me to walk right now with great anticipation of what is just around the corner that I can't see yet....but He knows! It's a great reminder that God always knows what's best and will guide me in the paths that will bring me to more than I could ever hope or imagine if I will simply focus on Him and walk in obedience!
And now to consume some pizza with my amazing kiddos and fabulous husband while we end our Sunday family day with a movie! Ever so thankful for the family God has built...truly a family built on faith!
Sunday, March 3, 2013
No Greater Joy as Mom
We have a very exciting day today! I woke up with great anticipation. As a mother, I know that today is the most important day in the life of one of my children, and pretty significant in the lives of two others - as what we do today in those two will lead to what is happening in the other!
Today, my sweet Ava Claire will be baptized as a symbol that she has given her life to God! Her story is not like the other children, where we have a specific date she gave her life to the Lord. And once again, God reminds me it's not about me and my neat little story for the scrapbook, but He is writing my children's future. Which is such a great thing for many reasons, one of which, who knows when that scrapbook page will ever be made anyway!
I had started praying for Toben and Ava both to recognize their need for a savior. We have had very direct conversations and Bible study times to introduce Jesus as their savior, but neither one of them really grasped and could articulate the need or desire for Jesus to take their sins and rule their lives. Their salvation is one of the things I am believing God for in 2013.
About five or six weeks ago, I sat down with Ava to do her Bible study. We still struggle with finding a time to do Bible study with all the kids. It is very sporadic and inconsistent, but we are still working toward that goal! Maybe by the time Journey leaves home, we will have figured out a system. Just another part of the story that reminds me God is pursuing our children even when we aren't perfect parents! Praise God! Ava and I read Romans together where the scriptures point to a need for a savior to save us from our sins. I start to ask some questions to see if Ava has any clearer understanding, and she says, "Mom, don't worry! I already asked God to come into my heart." "When?!" I ask. "In Sunday school, we were singing songs, and I just felt close to God and asked Him if He would come into my heart and He did!" So I ask, "Did you tell anyone? When did this happen?" To which she very nonchalantly replies, "I don't know, a couple of weeks ago. And no, I didn't tell anyone, just talked to God about it!" So I do what any normal mother does, I grabbed her up and cried and told her how proud and excited I was for her! I asked her if she knew what the next step was, and she said, "Sure, I need to be baptized!"
Seriously, this girl has a crazy exciting desire for God's word! I know that over the past few months, God has been wooing her to Himself as I often find her in her room or in a quite spot in the house reading her Bible. She may not understand every Word, but the enemy does, and he flees when God's Word is read. And her spirit understands, and most importantly, the angels of heaven understand and are immediately sent to fulfill God's Word for Ava as she reads it out loud believing God means what He says and says what He means....truly a childlike faith!
"I have no greater joy than to hear my children walk in the truth." 3 John 1:4 Truly walking that scripture out this morning as I am full of joy unspeakable as I prepare for church this morning knowing that one of these precious lives entrusted to me will demonstrate her desire to serve God all of her life. I used to think, that meant I had pretty well completed my spiritual job as a parent! However, now I know the truth is that, now I have the fertile soil to begin planting the seeds that will take root and grow into the foundation and beyond that she will need to live the life God has called her to live! Now we begin pouring into her to make sure she is equipped!
But I love her story because it is such a great reminder that we don't have to be perfect parents! I am not discounting the need for direct Bible study with our children, but it is reassuring to know that God pursues our children even when we are not perfect parents. He led Ava to Himself which is what the Bible says He does. We introduced her to Him through Bible studies, taking her to church and living a life that follows Christ ourselves - talking out some of the decisions we make with our kids pointing to God's direction as the reason. But ultimately, there were no fancy words or amazing prayer on my part...just a simple time with God in worship that brought Ava to the reality of her sin and the amazing answer in Jesus! I also love her story because it should encourage each of you who serve thankless hours in children's ministry! You never know what Sunday "Ava" will accept Jesus as their savior and not even tell anyone....you will know when you receive your reward in heaven! So THANK YOU, Ms. Lyndsey, Mr. Logan, Ms. Tonya, Ms. Jessica, Ms. Gigi, Ms. Linda, Ms. Megan and the others who serve in our children's ministry! Thank you for providing an environment that ushers in the Holy Spirit and allows Him to convict, speak to, and redeem children!
Along with that celebration today, we also are honored to stand before our church family and commit to raise Madison and Journey in a Godly home, pointing them continually to Him and equipping them for the life God has for them. We have taken so long because we dedicated Paizley the baby dedication right after Journey was born, and she didn't want to share it with Journey. The next baby dedication they had at our church at that time was the weekend Peighton was born. So we could not attend church that Sunday. So this is the first time since Journey was born and Madison was adopted that we could have the honor of dedicating them to God and promising to raise them in His ways.
To all who have spoken into my children over the years, thank you! We are so honored with family and so many friends and spiritual family who love the Lord and our children! The impact you have on our children does not escape us. And we truly are thankful for you!
Off to get ready....I have an amazing day ahead of me!
Today, my sweet Ava Claire will be baptized as a symbol that she has given her life to God! Her story is not like the other children, where we have a specific date she gave her life to the Lord. And once again, God reminds me it's not about me and my neat little story for the scrapbook, but He is writing my children's future. Which is such a great thing for many reasons, one of which, who knows when that scrapbook page will ever be made anyway!
I had started praying for Toben and Ava both to recognize their need for a savior. We have had very direct conversations and Bible study times to introduce Jesus as their savior, but neither one of them really grasped and could articulate the need or desire for Jesus to take their sins and rule their lives. Their salvation is one of the things I am believing God for in 2013.
About five or six weeks ago, I sat down with Ava to do her Bible study. We still struggle with finding a time to do Bible study with all the kids. It is very sporadic and inconsistent, but we are still working toward that goal! Maybe by the time Journey leaves home, we will have figured out a system. Just another part of the story that reminds me God is pursuing our children even when we aren't perfect parents! Praise God! Ava and I read Romans together where the scriptures point to a need for a savior to save us from our sins. I start to ask some questions to see if Ava has any clearer understanding, and she says, "Mom, don't worry! I already asked God to come into my heart." "When?!" I ask. "In Sunday school, we were singing songs, and I just felt close to God and asked Him if He would come into my heart and He did!" So I ask, "Did you tell anyone? When did this happen?" To which she very nonchalantly replies, "I don't know, a couple of weeks ago. And no, I didn't tell anyone, just talked to God about it!" So I do what any normal mother does, I grabbed her up and cried and told her how proud and excited I was for her! I asked her if she knew what the next step was, and she said, "Sure, I need to be baptized!"
Seriously, this girl has a crazy exciting desire for God's word! I know that over the past few months, God has been wooing her to Himself as I often find her in her room or in a quite spot in the house reading her Bible. She may not understand every Word, but the enemy does, and he flees when God's Word is read. And her spirit understands, and most importantly, the angels of heaven understand and are immediately sent to fulfill God's Word for Ava as she reads it out loud believing God means what He says and says what He means....truly a childlike faith!
"I have no greater joy than to hear my children walk in the truth." 3 John 1:4 Truly walking that scripture out this morning as I am full of joy unspeakable as I prepare for church this morning knowing that one of these precious lives entrusted to me will demonstrate her desire to serve God all of her life. I used to think, that meant I had pretty well completed my spiritual job as a parent! However, now I know the truth is that, now I have the fertile soil to begin planting the seeds that will take root and grow into the foundation and beyond that she will need to live the life God has called her to live! Now we begin pouring into her to make sure she is equipped!
But I love her story because it is such a great reminder that we don't have to be perfect parents! I am not discounting the need for direct Bible study with our children, but it is reassuring to know that God pursues our children even when we are not perfect parents. He led Ava to Himself which is what the Bible says He does. We introduced her to Him through Bible studies, taking her to church and living a life that follows Christ ourselves - talking out some of the decisions we make with our kids pointing to God's direction as the reason. But ultimately, there were no fancy words or amazing prayer on my part...just a simple time with God in worship that brought Ava to the reality of her sin and the amazing answer in Jesus! I also love her story because it should encourage each of you who serve thankless hours in children's ministry! You never know what Sunday "Ava" will accept Jesus as their savior and not even tell anyone....you will know when you receive your reward in heaven! So THANK YOU, Ms. Lyndsey, Mr. Logan, Ms. Tonya, Ms. Jessica, Ms. Gigi, Ms. Linda, Ms. Megan and the others who serve in our children's ministry! Thank you for providing an environment that ushers in the Holy Spirit and allows Him to convict, speak to, and redeem children!
Along with that celebration today, we also are honored to stand before our church family and commit to raise Madison and Journey in a Godly home, pointing them continually to Him and equipping them for the life God has for them. We have taken so long because we dedicated Paizley the baby dedication right after Journey was born, and she didn't want to share it with Journey. The next baby dedication they had at our church at that time was the weekend Peighton was born. So we could not attend church that Sunday. So this is the first time since Journey was born and Madison was adopted that we could have the honor of dedicating them to God and promising to raise them in His ways.
To all who have spoken into my children over the years, thank you! We are so honored with family and so many friends and spiritual family who love the Lord and our children! The impact you have on our children does not escape us. And we truly are thankful for you!
Off to get ready....I have an amazing day ahead of me!
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Released
There is no manual for how to act when you have a wayward child. There is also no manual for how to act when a friend has a wayward child. I'm thinking me and a couple of friends could write one of those! We have some crazy stories! But God brought some direction...some instructions yesterday through the blessing of a dear friend! Oddly enough, that same friend joked with me that she needed more blog posts to keep up with me...so Tracey, this is for you! You have no idea how you blessed me yesterday! THANK YOU!!!!
I had the pleasure of spending some time with my dear friend Tracey yesterday. Tracey and I met in high school, but became kindred spirits when we were in the same Sunday School class after graduating college. We have been through marriages, a miscarriage, births, all our adoptions - those that failed and those that brought a new life to our home...over 20 years of life together! Through numerous moves on behalf of both of us, we have remained friends and stayed in touch. And she is not even on Facebook! So it's like a real, old timey relationship! Tracey has always been one of my biggest cheerleaders! Every time we get together, whether it has been weeks, months, or years, we pick up right where we left off. I have learned over the years that is the mark of true friendship! Every time we meet, Tracey never fails to tell me how much she admires me. That always blows my mind because Tracey is one of about three people on this earth who know ALL of my scoop! I don't think there is anything in my closet that Tracey doesn't know! And the fact that she is even still my friend knowing all she knows is pretty amazing..much less has such lofty things to say.
Yesterday Tracey invited me to come to an event at her parents' church (the church where we rekindled our friendship all those years ago) where she was the featured guest bringing the program. The theme verse for the event was 2 Corinthians 9:8 "And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." It was on the wall behind where Tracey stood to sing and speak. I love holidays! This is absolutely my favorite time of year! So being at the event where everything is festive would normally be a thrill for me. But as I walked around the room looking at the themed tables and greeting long time friends that I hadn't seen in years, something was off. There was a fog, a heaviness.
Tracey got up to sing. She sang lots of oldy moldies as she said from our youth! I'm not particularly fond of thinking of songs from my era as oldy moldies, but I guess I am getting to "that" age. Tracey challenged all of us to put aside the stressed of the day, the week and just concentrate on the blessings in our life. As I did that, there was this voice that popped up and said, "when you are thinking about the blessings, don't forget the pain of the one not with you!" The fog was back. Immediately, I heard that still small voice that has become my comfort and my strength over the past few years say, "That's not me! That has never been me." I realized in that moment that since Paizley left our home while we were out of town that day, I have felt a need to be sad. I have felt like being happy or being fully joyful was wrong. I have never lost a child who live in my home to death. We lost Addy, and that was very painful, but it was different than losing a child you have held, poured into day in and day out. John and I have talked often that having a child who walks away from your family is much like a death in the family. There is obviously still the hope of reconciliation someday that you don't have with a death. And I don't mean to lessen the pain of my dear friends who have lost children to death. But as I sat there yesterday, I thought of stories I have heard of moms who have lost children to death and how they weren't sure how to be happy again. I felt that tug of war in my soul yesterday. The pain of the past few months, not just missing my daughter and granddaughter, but the false accusations, the total rejection of who we are, has been more painful than I could have ever imagined. But God's word says that joy comes in the morning! The problem was, the enemy had me convinced that the morning couldn't come until my daughter was fully reconciled to me. The problem with that is...that reconciliation is not my choice. So my "joy" was dependent an event that I couldn't control. One of the adoptive parents I am doing a home study for has hit some of the bumps we all face in the adoption process. We have talked quite a bit about the spiritual side of adoption. She had sent me a message earlier that day. God as setting the stage for me! I love it when He does this! Reminds me again of just how much He loves me (and YOU by the way!), and how personal He is! The message was from My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers. It was on obedience. John 14:15 - If you love me, you will obey my commandments. It talked about how obedience is a choice. God will not force us to do what He asks, He is a gentleman. Two years ago, we obeyed. That obedience is what God uses to show Himself to us and to others. The outcome of the obedience isn't what I had hoped and definitely not what I had dreamed, but the obedience - doing what God asked me to do - and the continued obedience in this situation, is what God is asking of me. In that moment yesterday when Tracey asked us to count our blessings, 6 faces popped into my head as the breath of one of those blessings brushed my neck as I held her in my lap. I pulled her a little closer to me and the tears began to fall. The release had come! God had spoken. "Stop making yourself pay for what you had no control over. You obeyed when others would have ran. You obeyed when others told you to run. Stop forcing a cloud over every family event. Enter this glorious season of thankfulness and of celebrating My Gift to you with a full heart." Wow! I didn't know! I didn't realize until that moment I felt I had to have an element of sadness to every family event we did - family pictures, carving pumpkins, watching a movie as a family. I felt like I had to almost verbally acknowledge the missing piece before we could go on with our event. But God released me from that! I can enjoy the holiday traditions we have as a family without having a moment of silence that someone is missing. My other children deserve a mom who is all in...not holding back because there needs to be a cloud over all we do.
There will be times of sadness, I know. There will be genuine mourning in the coming holiday season. But I am released, free to celebrate our family traditions, free to dance with my children, free to relish making Christmas cookies, and free to be Thankful for the blessed life I have as we gather around a table in a few weeks! Free to fully feel joy and peace despite a missing piece!
And that my friends, is the peace that passes all understanding that only a God who knows the pain of losing His own Son for MY sins can bring! I owe Him my life!
I had the pleasure of spending some time with my dear friend Tracey yesterday. Tracey and I met in high school, but became kindred spirits when we were in the same Sunday School class after graduating college. We have been through marriages, a miscarriage, births, all our adoptions - those that failed and those that brought a new life to our home...over 20 years of life together! Through numerous moves on behalf of both of us, we have remained friends and stayed in touch. And she is not even on Facebook! So it's like a real, old timey relationship! Tracey has always been one of my biggest cheerleaders! Every time we get together, whether it has been weeks, months, or years, we pick up right where we left off. I have learned over the years that is the mark of true friendship! Every time we meet, Tracey never fails to tell me how much she admires me. That always blows my mind because Tracey is one of about three people on this earth who know ALL of my scoop! I don't think there is anything in my closet that Tracey doesn't know! And the fact that she is even still my friend knowing all she knows is pretty amazing..much less has such lofty things to say.
Yesterday Tracey invited me to come to an event at her parents' church (the church where we rekindled our friendship all those years ago) where she was the featured guest bringing the program. The theme verse for the event was 2 Corinthians 9:8 "And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." It was on the wall behind where Tracey stood to sing and speak. I love holidays! This is absolutely my favorite time of year! So being at the event where everything is festive would normally be a thrill for me. But as I walked around the room looking at the themed tables and greeting long time friends that I hadn't seen in years, something was off. There was a fog, a heaviness.
Tracey got up to sing. She sang lots of oldy moldies as she said from our youth! I'm not particularly fond of thinking of songs from my era as oldy moldies, but I guess I am getting to "that" age. Tracey challenged all of us to put aside the stressed of the day, the week and just concentrate on the blessings in our life. As I did that, there was this voice that popped up and said, "when you are thinking about the blessings, don't forget the pain of the one not with you!" The fog was back. Immediately, I heard that still small voice that has become my comfort and my strength over the past few years say, "That's not me! That has never been me." I realized in that moment that since Paizley left our home while we were out of town that day, I have felt a need to be sad. I have felt like being happy or being fully joyful was wrong. I have never lost a child who live in my home to death. We lost Addy, and that was very painful, but it was different than losing a child you have held, poured into day in and day out. John and I have talked often that having a child who walks away from your family is much like a death in the family. There is obviously still the hope of reconciliation someday that you don't have with a death. And I don't mean to lessen the pain of my dear friends who have lost children to death. But as I sat there yesterday, I thought of stories I have heard of moms who have lost children to death and how they weren't sure how to be happy again. I felt that tug of war in my soul yesterday. The pain of the past few months, not just missing my daughter and granddaughter, but the false accusations, the total rejection of who we are, has been more painful than I could have ever imagined. But God's word says that joy comes in the morning! The problem was, the enemy had me convinced that the morning couldn't come until my daughter was fully reconciled to me. The problem with that is...that reconciliation is not my choice. So my "joy" was dependent an event that I couldn't control. One of the adoptive parents I am doing a home study for has hit some of the bumps we all face in the adoption process. We have talked quite a bit about the spiritual side of adoption. She had sent me a message earlier that day. God as setting the stage for me! I love it when He does this! Reminds me again of just how much He loves me (and YOU by the way!), and how personal He is! The message was from My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers. It was on obedience. John 14:15 - If you love me, you will obey my commandments. It talked about how obedience is a choice. God will not force us to do what He asks, He is a gentleman. Two years ago, we obeyed. That obedience is what God uses to show Himself to us and to others. The outcome of the obedience isn't what I had hoped and definitely not what I had dreamed, but the obedience - doing what God asked me to do - and the continued obedience in this situation, is what God is asking of me. In that moment yesterday when Tracey asked us to count our blessings, 6 faces popped into my head as the breath of one of those blessings brushed my neck as I held her in my lap. I pulled her a little closer to me and the tears began to fall. The release had come! God had spoken. "Stop making yourself pay for what you had no control over. You obeyed when others would have ran. You obeyed when others told you to run. Stop forcing a cloud over every family event. Enter this glorious season of thankfulness and of celebrating My Gift to you with a full heart." Wow! I didn't know! I didn't realize until that moment I felt I had to have an element of sadness to every family event we did - family pictures, carving pumpkins, watching a movie as a family. I felt like I had to almost verbally acknowledge the missing piece before we could go on with our event. But God released me from that! I can enjoy the holiday traditions we have as a family without having a moment of silence that someone is missing. My other children deserve a mom who is all in...not holding back because there needs to be a cloud over all we do.
There will be times of sadness, I know. There will be genuine mourning in the coming holiday season. But I am released, free to celebrate our family traditions, free to dance with my children, free to relish making Christmas cookies, and free to be Thankful for the blessed life I have as we gather around a table in a few weeks! Free to fully feel joy and peace despite a missing piece!
And that my friends, is the peace that passes all understanding that only a God who knows the pain of losing His own Son for MY sins can bring! I owe Him my life!
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Introducing Peighton Hope
Saturday, March 10, 2012
This World
As I start day 2 in the penthouse having my coffee with God once again on the lanai overlooking Avenue of the Stars in Beverly Hills, I am overcome with the truth that this world has NOTHING to offer me! I am in the height of what the world would say is paradise. I am surrounded by money and fame! My morning walk took me by the Fox recording lot. I could see through the gates to the back lot of the recording studio where many of there movies are filmed. From where I sit, I can see the streets we drove down last time we were here on a tour that showed us the homes of the stars. I can see just a few blocks away the Beverly Hills Hilton where only a few weeks ago Whitney Houston lost her life. These surroundings no longer leave me star struck as they did in my years as a youth. Instead they lead me to thanksgiving and praise. I am so thankful that God has taken me down journeys in this life that have opened my eyes to the reality that this world has NOTHING, not one thing, to offer me! Sure there are things that I need to do God's work like a house, this computer for example, etc. But I don't desire wealth for wealth's sake any longer. If I desire more, it is simply in order to be able to more effectively serve in the ministries God has called John and I to serve. Yes, I still long for a larger kitchen because it would make raising my family that is about to include another baby easier. But I don't long for a new kitchen just to have a fancy kitchen like I used to.
I think of Whitney Houston. She had all this world would count as success - hit songs, hit movies, fame on many continents, fortunes to do whatever she wanted, but it wasn't enough. Whitney grew up in the church with roots in the faith. Yet at some point the lure of what this world had to offer over took what she knew of the Gospel. I am not judging her salvation...eternal salvation is not even what I am talking about. I am talking about what do I..what do you...pursue here on earth? Are we truly pursuing the things of God or do we go to church on Sunday and count that as our cost for the gospel while still pursuing the career, the bigger house, the nicer car, etc Monday through Saturday?
Several years ago I had a family member who would say, "I've worked too hard to struggle." I think this sums up how most Americans see our lives...even Christ following Americans. Have we really "worked too hard to struggle"? What do you think Christ would say to that comment in the shadow of the cross? Might His response to us be the same? I've worked too hard for you to struggle...accept my gifts of peace and freedom and riches that are yours for the taken when you FIRST seek Me and My kingdom!
Just some food for thought.....
Friday, March 9, 2012
Abundantly More
What is this you ask? Well, it is the a Penthouse suite at the Hyatt Regency Century Plaza in Beverly Hills. Why is it on my blog you ask? Because it is my home for the next few days and nights! How did that happen you ask? Well, according to Ephesians 3:20 God is able and will do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine. John travels enough that he earns points so every now and then I can fly with him. He has a conference for one of the units he oversees in LA this week, so I came with him. I had set this time aside to start writing a book that God has asked me to write. I've started two other books God asked me to write, but I wasn't obedient to finish them, and now the words don't come easily. So I am determined to obey this time and see this one to completion! So I set this time of uninterrupted, quiet time aside for that. I was so looking forward to a hotel room with a desk or just a chair for me to sit and be alone with God to write. But when we checked in late last night, they had sold out and did not have our room available even though we had a reservation, so they asked if the Penthouse suite would be ok? After much thought....NOT!....we said sure!
And this was our view last night overlooking Avenue of the Stars in Beverly Hills!
I had my coffee with God on that lanai this morning, and He and I had some great laughs and conversations about this whole Penthouse thing! But as I texted my mentor to share with her where I was having my quiet time, Ephesians 3:20 is what she sent back to me and I just felt the love of God wash over me! He has told me time and again that 2012 will be the year I understand His goodness and His love for me. The root behind that is a post for another time. But this morning as I sit in my Penthouse, I am reminded that God has more than I could ever hope or dream for me in EVERY are of my life! I never even dreamed to desire a penthouse for my days of writing, but God did..and not only did her dream it, He gifted it to me! So instead of a chair or desk to write at, I can go to the couch, the executive desk, the chair in the bedroom, or either of the two lanais! And this morning I am excited...not about a penthouse, but about the "penthouses" he has for the areas of my thirsty soul! He has ABUNDANTLY more than I could ever even dream of asking Him for waiting for me....and I don't want to miss it! All I have to do is press into Him and stay in His presence following His voice!
So thankful for that reminder today!
Thursday, December 23, 2010
God's Economy
Seems like I don't have time for reflecting on much of anything these days! But lately, God has really been speaking to me about His economy! I have always hated money. Seems like we never have enough and seems like it is a a barrier to so much that we long to do...even good stuff! But I have a friend who of mine talks often of God's economy. And this year, I have learned to live in God's economy and have found it is the highest drawing savings account that exists!
The end of the year is always a time of reflection as we bring one year to a close and look ahead to what the next year might bring. As I reflect over this year, the most obvious thing to turn to is the fact that we have added 4 children (and lost one as B-man went to live with a new foster family) in the course of this year. The only word for adding 4 children to your family in a year is UN-NATURAL! Ok, maybe another word would fit also - BLESSED!
But as many of you know, kids are not cheap! They have needs and expenses. Three of our kiddos came with some financial support. Fostering is not really that much of a financial burden as the state reimburses you through the daily stipend. So I can't say that we have felt a financial burden to a large degree even with adding three children. However, as we transfer from foster to adoption with two of them and look at paying for a baby delivery and adding that baby to the monthly bills, I have to confess I have had a few moments of intense anxiety!
That is what started the reflection!
Yes, we added three kids, and we also lost my salary! When we turned the orphanage over to LifeSong, I stopped taking any kind of salary from Addy's Hope because there were no funds to support the salary. I also wasn't working as much obviously since I wasn't having to pound the pavement looking for donations or trying to run an orphanage from half a world away.
God provided for us in a huge way during that transition by John receiving a huge promotion (he is now second in command at the service center) and my grandfather passed away leaving my parents his inheritance which they graciously shared a portion with my brother and I. We were able to use this lump sum to pay down our debt so that we had manageable monthly bills. I still look back at the timing of all that with awe! It all happened at exactly the right time. The exact month we stopped receiving my salary, John's kicked in! That has to be God!
But the miracles don't stop there! God's economy is like everything else God does, it doesn't make sense! You cannot look at it with earthly eyes and make any sense of it.
With the addition of our children, we found we needed a bigger car. John was (and still isn't) anywhere close to driving a 12 passenger van. Plus those suckers are EXPENSIVE!!!! At least the conversion ones that are safer than the church van style. We started praying about what to do as we were very torn with having to take two cars everywhere. That is not conducive for family life, or the gas budget! We drove by a Suburban parked in a lot for sale. I told John let's look at it! That in itself had to be the Holy Spirit because I HATE buying cars!!! We drove over to it and I couldn't believe when I looked in the windows...it had bench seats in the front and middle row, so it was a Suburban that seated nine!!!! We have been doing Dave Ramsey this year and really wanted to pay cash for our next car. We were no where even close to that, so should we buy it? Ramsey would say no. But John and I both felt God was saying it was the car He had for us. We did have to take out a loan to get it, but the car was in amazingly good condition for how old it is and was priced below value AND came with a transferable warranty so when anything breaks, we are not out any money to fix it! Doesn't get any better than that on a used car! We started praying about what to do with our Honda Odyssey. We had talked even months before that we would love to be able to give it to a family who needed a bigger car to foster. But now we have this car loan with a car payment that we haven't had in years! So we started looking at selling it to pay down the loan. God made it clear through the next weeks that we were to give it away, not sell it and made it clear who was to be the recipient. If you know John and I, you know that I am not saying this to toot our horn, and in fact, wasn't going to put it in this post at all, except it illustrates for us how God's economy DOES NOT operate like the world! The world says we should hang on to and sell for the top dollar whatever we need to provide security. God says, obey me and you will have security like nothing else will provide! We are seeing that played out before our very lives!
I do have a confession. I kind of thought since we gave the van away, maybe a check would arrive to pay off our suburban loan. That check didn't come! BUT, what has come are little (and even some substantial) financial blessings that have provided for needs and even wants at just the right time!
I think we are pretty modest in what we buy for our children and each other for Christmas. Yes, they have plenty! I'm not trying to say we "sacrifice" in any way, but we stay under $100 for each child. So when the oldest two asked for Ipod touches for Christmas, well, the answer was obviously NO! But even with that modest budget, and trying to save all year, we were having a hard time making ends meet for Christmas. Just this month, we had an amazing Christmas blessing from Buckner where all the kids received a new set of pajamas and several other more than generous gifts! The county in Odessa where Baby Girl's case is provided Christmas presents for her, so she is taken care of. My amazing friends gave Princess M a "teen shower" where they bought our bedding needed for the transition in the girls' room and showered Princess M with not only some necessities, but many extras just to show her love! We also had a friend offer to give us beds for the girls! The blessings just can't be measured as we have learned to walk in God's economy!
One of the first "big" blows us away blessings came the week we found out we were pregnant. John went outside to fin a Lowe's gift card on the front porch. It was from "The Body of Christ!" Blew us away! And allowed us to finish up some home repairs and projects that had been on hold due to financial restraints...and had been stressing John out!
But last week, topped them all! In the course of two days, we received two envelopes with substantial amounts of cash...both from single mothers (one newly married single mom)! These are not wealthy people by any means! They reminded me of the widow's might. Here we are, a married couple with a very nice income, and we are receiving cash gifts from these single moms! Blessed, yes, but more than that, HUMBLED! You see, one of the things we have had to learn in God's economy is how to receive! I never thought that was an issue. But was God has showered us with blessings, we have had to realize that we have to be willing to humbly receive the gifts he has for us...just like we had to learn to receive His most precious gift of salvation! They don't usually come how we expect them or even in the most "comfortable" way. But that is God's economy! He uses whomever is willing! This time it was two ladies who walked in obedience and sacrifice to God and taught this mother more than I am sure they will ever know! Because in my legalistic mind, God promises to provide our needs, not our wants! But God showed us this month, that even wants can be in His provision! As long as we walk in His economy and do well with the little things He entrusts to us, He will continue to provide!
Was thinking on those things this morning and couldn't sleep. You see, I don't think we have done so well with the "little" things and am amazed that God continues to bless us! But God reminded me that he desires obedience over sacrifice! So I got out of bed and spent my time with Him this morning paying bills! You see, even paying bills can be a worshipful experience when I remember where my money comes from and Who is my provider!
I can't say that I didn't have some moments of anxiety as we look at the coming months when we will have to make the payments for the baby's delivery and we look at losing the foster stipend for Baby Girl. But God quickly quieted my Spirit with the Holy Spirit's whisper, "Do not worry about tomorrow, for today has enough trouble of it's own. We will tackle tomorrow when tomorrow gets here. I am your Provider. Trust!"
And trust Him I do! He replaced my anxiety with anticipation! I can't wait to share more miracles of how God's economy works in our home and the homes of our friends who are on this journey with us! God has brought some of the most humble and generous people I have ever met into our lives at our new church home! I can't wait to see how God uses this portion of His body to impact the world as so many of my friends continue to reach out to the least of these...and I see God working miracle after miracle in each of our lives for us to "afford" it as we navigate the world's economy all the time relying on HIS economy!
The end of the year is always a time of reflection as we bring one year to a close and look ahead to what the next year might bring. As I reflect over this year, the most obvious thing to turn to is the fact that we have added 4 children (and lost one as B-man went to live with a new foster family) in the course of this year. The only word for adding 4 children to your family in a year is UN-NATURAL! Ok, maybe another word would fit also - BLESSED!
But as many of you know, kids are not cheap! They have needs and expenses. Three of our kiddos came with some financial support. Fostering is not really that much of a financial burden as the state reimburses you through the daily stipend. So I can't say that we have felt a financial burden to a large degree even with adding three children. However, as we transfer from foster to adoption with two of them and look at paying for a baby delivery and adding that baby to the monthly bills, I have to confess I have had a few moments of intense anxiety!
That is what started the reflection!
Yes, we added three kids, and we also lost my salary! When we turned the orphanage over to LifeSong, I stopped taking any kind of salary from Addy's Hope because there were no funds to support the salary. I also wasn't working as much obviously since I wasn't having to pound the pavement looking for donations or trying to run an orphanage from half a world away.
God provided for us in a huge way during that transition by John receiving a huge promotion (he is now second in command at the service center) and my grandfather passed away leaving my parents his inheritance which they graciously shared a portion with my brother and I. We were able to use this lump sum to pay down our debt so that we had manageable monthly bills. I still look back at the timing of all that with awe! It all happened at exactly the right time. The exact month we stopped receiving my salary, John's kicked in! That has to be God!
But the miracles don't stop there! God's economy is like everything else God does, it doesn't make sense! You cannot look at it with earthly eyes and make any sense of it.
With the addition of our children, we found we needed a bigger car. John was (and still isn't) anywhere close to driving a 12 passenger van. Plus those suckers are EXPENSIVE!!!! At least the conversion ones that are safer than the church van style. We started praying about what to do as we were very torn with having to take two cars everywhere. That is not conducive for family life, or the gas budget! We drove by a Suburban parked in a lot for sale. I told John let's look at it! That in itself had to be the Holy Spirit because I HATE buying cars!!! We drove over to it and I couldn't believe when I looked in the windows...it had bench seats in the front and middle row, so it was a Suburban that seated nine!!!! We have been doing Dave Ramsey this year and really wanted to pay cash for our next car. We were no where even close to that, so should we buy it? Ramsey would say no. But John and I both felt God was saying it was the car He had for us. We did have to take out a loan to get it, but the car was in amazingly good condition for how old it is and was priced below value AND came with a transferable warranty so when anything breaks, we are not out any money to fix it! Doesn't get any better than that on a used car! We started praying about what to do with our Honda Odyssey. We had talked even months before that we would love to be able to give it to a family who needed a bigger car to foster. But now we have this car loan with a car payment that we haven't had in years! So we started looking at selling it to pay down the loan. God made it clear through the next weeks that we were to give it away, not sell it and made it clear who was to be the recipient. If you know John and I, you know that I am not saying this to toot our horn, and in fact, wasn't going to put it in this post at all, except it illustrates for us how God's economy DOES NOT operate like the world! The world says we should hang on to and sell for the top dollar whatever we need to provide security. God says, obey me and you will have security like nothing else will provide! We are seeing that played out before our very lives!
I do have a confession. I kind of thought since we gave the van away, maybe a check would arrive to pay off our suburban loan. That check didn't come! BUT, what has come are little (and even some substantial) financial blessings that have provided for needs and even wants at just the right time!
I think we are pretty modest in what we buy for our children and each other for Christmas. Yes, they have plenty! I'm not trying to say we "sacrifice" in any way, but we stay under $100 for each child. So when the oldest two asked for Ipod touches for Christmas, well, the answer was obviously NO! But even with that modest budget, and trying to save all year, we were having a hard time making ends meet for Christmas. Just this month, we had an amazing Christmas blessing from Buckner where all the kids received a new set of pajamas and several other more than generous gifts! The county in Odessa where Baby Girl's case is provided Christmas presents for her, so she is taken care of. My amazing friends gave Princess M a "teen shower" where they bought our bedding needed for the transition in the girls' room and showered Princess M with not only some necessities, but many extras just to show her love! We also had a friend offer to give us beds for the girls! The blessings just can't be measured as we have learned to walk in God's economy!
One of the first "big" blows us away blessings came the week we found out we were pregnant. John went outside to fin a Lowe's gift card on the front porch. It was from "The Body of Christ!" Blew us away! And allowed us to finish up some home repairs and projects that had been on hold due to financial restraints...and had been stressing John out!
But last week, topped them all! In the course of two days, we received two envelopes with substantial amounts of cash...both from single mothers (one newly married single mom)! These are not wealthy people by any means! They reminded me of the widow's might. Here we are, a married couple with a very nice income, and we are receiving cash gifts from these single moms! Blessed, yes, but more than that, HUMBLED! You see, one of the things we have had to learn in God's economy is how to receive! I never thought that was an issue. But was God has showered us with blessings, we have had to realize that we have to be willing to humbly receive the gifts he has for us...just like we had to learn to receive His most precious gift of salvation! They don't usually come how we expect them or even in the most "comfortable" way. But that is God's economy! He uses whomever is willing! This time it was two ladies who walked in obedience and sacrifice to God and taught this mother more than I am sure they will ever know! Because in my legalistic mind, God promises to provide our needs, not our wants! But God showed us this month, that even wants can be in His provision! As long as we walk in His economy and do well with the little things He entrusts to us, He will continue to provide!
Was thinking on those things this morning and couldn't sleep. You see, I don't think we have done so well with the "little" things and am amazed that God continues to bless us! But God reminded me that he desires obedience over sacrifice! So I got out of bed and spent my time with Him this morning paying bills! You see, even paying bills can be a worshipful experience when I remember where my money comes from and Who is my provider!
I can't say that I didn't have some moments of anxiety as we look at the coming months when we will have to make the payments for the baby's delivery and we look at losing the foster stipend for Baby Girl. But God quickly quieted my Spirit with the Holy Spirit's whisper, "Do not worry about tomorrow, for today has enough trouble of it's own. We will tackle tomorrow when tomorrow gets here. I am your Provider. Trust!"
And trust Him I do! He replaced my anxiety with anticipation! I can't wait to share more miracles of how God's economy works in our home and the homes of our friends who are on this journey with us! God has brought some of the most humble and generous people I have ever met into our lives at our new church home! I can't wait to see how God uses this portion of His body to impact the world as so many of my friends continue to reach out to the least of these...and I see God working miracle after miracle in each of our lives for us to "afford" it as we navigate the world's economy all the time relying on HIS economy!
Friday, April 9, 2010
I want to be like them when I grow up!
I just have to brag on my parents! I seriously could not have survived the last at least year without them! Life has been really tough. Tough in almost every way. But my parents have been there for me....in every way!
We have not always seen eye to eye! Mom and I had a great relationship growing up. It is because of her that I was so determined to be a stay at home mom, and even though God has called me into the ministries of adoption and humanitarian aid, it is the example of a mother that Mom gave me that keeps my priorities straight. My family will come first! I saw my mom be the mother to so many of my friends who had working moms. When they forgot their lunch or homework, it was my mom they called! When they wanted to know the details of sex, it was my mom they talked to. I can remember thinking at a pretty young age, I will not work because I never want my kids to have to find "another" mother! I want to be the mom like my mom is!
But even with that great relationship, we hit a bump when I was a teenager. I didn't sow any wild oats, but I am sure I wasn't always the most respectful teen either (at least that is how she tells the story! lol!). Dad got tired of being referee and we did end up in family counseling my senior year, and a decision was made that I would go to Tech the first year of college instead of living at home and going to a junior college. It was time for me to be on my own, and my wise parents recognized that and encouraged me in that way. There were rocky times after that, but through it, Mom and I always talked and tried to understand one another and make changes in the way we treated and talked to or with each other in order to preserve the relationship.
I have always been a "Daddy's Girl"! I had the best daddy a girl could dream of. He told me almost daily that I was beautiful and special! I knew that my daddy loved me unconditionally. I still know that even at 36 years old. When I would sit on my floor and cry for hours because I was overweight or because I didn't have a boyfriend, he would come sit with me, rub my back and tell me how beautiful I am. When I would tell him that he was just saying that because he was my daddy and he had to, he would always have some come back that would make me laugh and start to lift the cloud hanging over me! As I got older, he stayed the strong silent one as I faced the challenges of growing up with strong morals in what was becoming a moraless world (nothing like it is today or will be when my kids are teens!).
But even though I had an amazing childhood, we have had our differences as adults. We have had conflicting views in religion and faith. Sometimes they put a pretty big wedge between us. Mom and Dad have not always understood or even agreed with the things J0hn and I have done in our lives. Sometimes they (well Mom) was more vocal than I had wished she had been. Sometimes it caused us to have some pretty heated fights. But even in those times, we always came back and talked through it or came to a mutual agreement to agree to disagree. And I always knew the reason for any comments she made, even the ones I disagreed with, were made out of her concern for me and my well being.
Two of the things that my parents have struggled with understanding are our adoption of the children and our work in adoption that brings lots of hard ache, takes me half way around the world from my family frequently, and requires a lot of my time and energy. And most recently, my parents have wanted to commit me to the funny farm for taking on Baby Girl and all that goes with her!
BUT despite these difference and not really understanding why we do what we do and probably not even agreeing with it, they have been an invaluable help and support through the last year! I can honestly say that without them, I don't know that my family would have made it and surely would not have been able to do all God has called us to this past year!
Let me just tell you a little of what they have done. They volunteer on a regular basis at the office and send out all of my donor receipts. They spend hours making sure they have everything exactly right and have a good record of the receipts they send. Daddy has even started a donor data base for me. They are both PTA members at the kids' school. Last week, they drove teachers around to deliver pizzas for a fund raiser from 4:30 to 8:30! They were the only grandparents there! Sometimes I take for granted what they do until something like this and it hits me how unique they are in their involvement with my family!
When we had our garage sale to raise the money for our emergency fund, they came and worked. They worked for almost a week! They helped us set it up, they donated items for us to make money, mom made lunch every day we had the garage sale, mom cleaned house and did laundry during the down times of the garage sale, Daddy played taxi taking Toben to a birthday party, Daddy even took a crying Baby Girl and rocked her to sleep...that is a HUGE task for just about anyone but me (she is a momma's girl!)
They took me and the kids to the sandhills for Spring Break! Dad even bought the kids a sand disc...I had to tease him because he would NEVER have done that for Keith and I! They made all the plans, took the dinner...all the kids and I had to do was show up and enjoy the trip! It was amazing and has gone down in my kids' books as one of their favorite "vacations"...it is only a fifty mile drive and we were only gone a few house, but they still call it a vacation! Maybe we need to get out of town more often! :)
I really can't even begin to name all that they do and have done! This past week as I reflected on the involvement of my parents in my life, I was overcome with gratitude! I do not tell them enough how much I appreciate them! Have we always gotten along or seen eye to eye, NO! But through those times, we have fought for the relationship to stay in tact. And through those times, I think we have come to a mutual respect and probably have the best relationship we have ever had!
Most importantly, my parents gave me the firm foundation on which my faith has been built! They instilled in me a love and fear of God that has brought me to the place I am today. I never had "wild days" because of the foundation they laid for me. Were my parents perfect? Are they perfect? No! None of us parents are! John and I joke all the time that we better start saving now for the therapy our children will need to recover from our parenting. I believe that we as parents all do the best we can. We all give what we have to our children and sometimes that includes our baggage. My parents did their best. I was just blessed beyond measure to have won the jackpot in getting the parents I did!
I am blessed! I would not trade my parents for anyone else's! My children are blessed to have them as grandparents!
So Mom and Daddy, THANK YOU! Thank you for setting an example for me to follow of how I want to be to my children, not just as they are little, but for a lifetime. And thank you for always fighting for our relationship even during the tough times! I am so thankful we never let our differences divide us to the point of losing our relationships! I love you! God gave me the greatest gift I could have ever needed when he gave me you!
Monday, March 1, 2010
The Journey: Guess what......
First let me apologize for not reporting Friday's results sooner! But hopefully you will understand! :) THANK YOU for all the prayers! I was very nervous (and I am NOT a nervous person) right before everyone started arriving.
Long story short, thanks to the amazing CPS lawyer and the lawyer for Baby Girl as well as Baby Girl's grandmother's diligence, we were awarded placement of Baby Girl Friday at about 3:30. She arrived that night about 8. We have been in heaven ever since! We can't post pictures of her face, and I tried to get a picture of her in the outfit from the last post, but I am not good at taking pictures with the heads cut off...well at least not when I *want* the head cut off! ;)
She is amazing! She is a wonderful baby! She is a blessing!
I have so much to share! So much that God has taught me through this journey already!
I hope to get some of it on here, but it may be a bit as I adjust to newborn world again as well as being mom to FIVE! Crazy!!!!
But I do want to say....if you have EVER thought of fostering? DON'T THINK ANYMORE....JUST DO IT!!!! Take the classes....you are not committed just because you take classes! Take them & see where God takes you!!! We need good Christian families taking care of our country's children in crisis!!!!
Long story short, thanks to the amazing CPS lawyer and the lawyer for Baby Girl as well as Baby Girl's grandmother's diligence, we were awarded placement of Baby Girl Friday at about 3:30. She arrived that night about 8. We have been in heaven ever since! We can't post pictures of her face, and I tried to get a picture of her in the outfit from the last post, but I am not good at taking pictures with the heads cut off...well at least not when I *want* the head cut off! ;)
She is amazing! She is a wonderful baby! She is a blessing!
I have so much to share! So much that God has taught me through this journey already!
I hope to get some of it on here, but it may be a bit as I adjust to newborn world again as well as being mom to FIVE! Crazy!!!!
But I do want to say....if you have EVER thought of fostering? DON'T THINK ANYMORE....JUST DO IT!!!! Take the classes....you are not committed just because you take classes! Take them & see where God takes you!!! We need good Christian families taking care of our country's children in crisis!!!!
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
PRAISE GOD!!!!
I want to thank every one for their prayers! Received the news today that Ava's MRI results were normal! Praise God! We are waiting to hear what the next step is! We think this is the end of tests, and she will be diagnosed as having mild muscular dystrophy...but shhhhh!!! Don't tell Ava! Those of you who know me, know how much I HATE labels! She will be whoever God made her to be...we don't need any labels to add or distract from that! Nothing we can do as far as treatment for the illness goes, so we just go on as if no one ever told us! :)
With that, I will try (blogger and I don't do videos very well!) to leave you with a video of our little ballerina! (I'm not such a great videographer, so it will turn upright here in just a minute!)
With that, I will try (blogger and I don't do videos very well!) to leave you with a video of our little ballerina! (I'm not such a great videographer, so it will turn upright here in just a minute!)
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Blessings
Callie and I are headed to Liberia! We don't have the full amount....about $4,000 short, but John and I both believe I need to be there, so we booked the flight and are waiting and trusting God for the rest!
We didn't book until Wednesday, so that kind of sent me in a scurry thinking of leaving...with Callie...in a week! So on Friday we went to Goodwill to look for some skirts and cool shirts...especially for Callie since she mainly has knit and denim capris that would be really hot!
Well, we ran into an old friend from Garden City at Goodwill. We had a basket full of stuff as we ran across tons of kids chapter books in series (like Babysitters Club, Goosebumps, etc). I sale those on Ebay and make good money back, so we bought them to sale to help make money for the trip. We start talking to our friend Renee and end up in line behind her. When the lady tells her the total for her purchase, Renee tells her to keep ringing us up! I was floored! She paid for all of our purchase as well as giving us some cash for "airport snacks". It was such a blessing and encouragement on a day that had been filled with battles starting at 5:00 am with a phone call from Liberia! God gave me a shot of encouragement just when I needed it and it was such a promise that He will provide! It was amazing!
So thank you, Renee, for blessing our socks off! And thank you God for perfect timing that encourages and restores!
We didn't book until Wednesday, so that kind of sent me in a scurry thinking of leaving...with Callie...in a week! So on Friday we went to Goodwill to look for some skirts and cool shirts...especially for Callie since she mainly has knit and denim capris that would be really hot!
Well, we ran into an old friend from Garden City at Goodwill. We had a basket full of stuff as we ran across tons of kids chapter books in series (like Babysitters Club, Goosebumps, etc). I sale those on Ebay and make good money back, so we bought them to sale to help make money for the trip. We start talking to our friend Renee and end up in line behind her. When the lady tells her the total for her purchase, Renee tells her to keep ringing us up! I was floored! She paid for all of our purchase as well as giving us some cash for "airport snacks". It was such a blessing and encouragement on a day that had been filled with battles starting at 5:00 am with a phone call from Liberia! God gave me a shot of encouragement just when I needed it and it was such a promise that He will provide! It was amazing!
So thank you, Renee, for blessing our socks off! And thank you God for perfect timing that encourages and restores!
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