Can anyone out there relate to weariness? I know weary in this season like I have never known weary before. I thought I knew weary, but this is weary at a whole new level! John and I were talking the other day. I know the joy of the Lord is my strength. I know we are supposed to have abundant life, and I don't believe that life is one that finds us grumbling all the time and ....weary. Yet, that is exactly where I find myself most days.
I am doing all I know to do. I am in the Word daily, praying almost hourly, crying out to God - often even out loud - through out the day as I have feelings of being overwhelmed and feel like the water is most definitely going over my head. So then the voices start accusing me of not having joy on top of all the other accusations that they have hurled at me throughout the day!
I shared with John that right now life feels like I get up, fail at being a good mother, fail at being a good wife, leave work with a bigger to-do list than I started with despite working my tail off all day, fail at health, fail at our finances....you get the picture. Then I go to bed defeated, wake up - sometimes with a fresh outlook sometimes with just enough strength to get out of bed - and do it all over again. There are moments of joy when a baby laughs and it makes me smile, or Journey has a new word he uses in the wrong context, or I see one of the older ones nurturing a relationship with a younger sibling, or John schedules me a massage....there are moments of joy, but overall, life is just extremely weary.
So as I look at school starting and entering the fall season where our schedule becomes double and triple booked most evenings, I almost faint with fear. I have been trying to gear up. Yet, it seems God's presence has been just beyond reach the past week. So today, I just sat down and cried out for a fresh Word from Him. I just sat in my chair with my coffee...just got still before Him and asked Him to speak.
I opened my Bible, and there was a book mark that took me to Judges. And plain as day I heard in my head "Judges 6". So I turn there and start reading. God promises when we seek Him we will find Him! And today I can testify that is true!
As I began to read Judges 6, I realized it is a very familiar story. One I had actually read not that long ago after hearing a teaching on Gideon and wanting to do more study on the back story. There is a part of Gideon's story that I can so relate with! In Judges 6:13, Gideon asks the angel of the Lord, "if the Lord is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all his wonders that our fathers told us about when they said, 'Did not the Lord bring us up out of Egypt?' But now the Lord has abandoned us and put us into the hand of Midian." I have rants like that to God, John and sometimes poor intimate friends who catch me on a bad day! But God, where are the finances to provide for these children you asked me to care for? But God, if you are with us, why am I having to fight so hard to keep placing waiting children in homes? But God where is the money to pay for the adoption of these two babies? But God, where is the time to love and parent 8 children and run a ministry and fight for children? Where are all the promises you have given to me when we walked by faith?
Let me stop there and just say....every huge faith step that John and I have taken in the past almost 17 years have failed. Yes, failed. At least that is how it appears when looking at outcomes. If it didn't completely fail, then the outcome looked nothing like what we had thought it would when we stepped off that mountain into a free-fall of trust and faith into it! I can remember a few years ago when we were once again looking into the face of a huge faith journey. I just sat and cried asking God why all my "stones of remembrance" were ones of Him failing me? But as the years have passed, and as I have gotten to know my God more intimately, I no longer look back at those stones of remembrance the same way. It's true Eden and Addy didn't come home. It's true adoptions in Liberia did not open back up. It's true I am not currently in a relationship with the daughter God gave me a mother's heart for. It's true the contract that I worked three years to complete is in jeopardy after only placing 5 waiting children in forever homes. But with mature eyes, I can see that in each and every one of those circumstances, I grew closer to God. He taught me a little each time about faith and trust. He showed me a new dimension of Himself in each journey we took. And really, I think that was His goal when He asked us to take the step of faith...not the outcome we sought!
So today as I sat and reflected on my weariness and all of the promises God has given over the past couple of years that seem to be empty, I cried out for a new Word of encouragement from the One I have grown to trust and love...and truly believe is good no matter what the circumstances of my life might say.
And just like Him, in His very personal, loving and intimate nature, He answered. After Gideon's rant about "where are you", God answers him with a sentence I know I have read multiple times but never saw before this morning. The Holy Spirit highlighted it as I read this morning. It says, "Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian's hand. Am I not sending you?" In the strength you have - soothing balm to my weary soul! God knows I am tired. God knows I end each day with just enough energy - physically, emotionally and often spiritually - to climb in bed and lay down my head. And this morning He let me know, that's enough! Whatever you have, do what I have asked with what you have....it will be enough!
What are you facing today that seems overwhelming? Are you weary or defeated? Can I encourage you to face today with what you have? Do it tired. Do it afraid. Do it broke. Do it depressed. Whatever God is asking you to do this morning, do it with what you have, and at the end of the day, it will be enough if You are trusting in Him!
Showing posts with label weakness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label weakness. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
The Journey: How do you do "it"?
For those of you counting, the referral we turned down would make number 6. Are we crazy? Probably. Why would we do it? Because we are called. And the question I always get, "How do you do it?"
I have thought a lot about that lately. Especially with the consideration of adding one more. When people ask me how I do it, I truly don't know how to answer that. I guess the only answer I can come up with is, "How do you not do it?" God gave me five children. I know without a doubt each child was hand picked by God to be in my home. Each child has his or her own unique finger prints of God all over his or her story. I don't doubt whether any of my children were meant to be here. Knowing that, what else do I do but "it"?
With each child after Ava, I've wondered if we were "done". I was content...especially after Toben. I had my four: two boys and two girls. Perfect! Well, that was when I was judging by the world's standards! God has a plan for my family. A plan that He reveals to me one step at a time. People who have known us for a while usually look at John and say, "when is she going to stop?" The answer to that, when God stops!
With each child, I think I can't do anymore! I'm overwhelmed at first with another little person needing my attention. But once we get in a groove, and God starts whispering to me about the next one, I see that one more would work!
I am not super woman! I am not some special mother who was given a great measure of anything. I am just a simple old housewife who loves the Lord and has a heart for orphans. In fact, frankly, I am probably one of the least likely to have a large family - I have a very difficult time staying organized and schedules pretty well elude me. The larger the family gets, the more crucial these things are!
As I think about how I do "it", there is truly only one answer! I came across it again this morning expressed in Acts 1:8, "you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you." If you look up power in Strong's, it says, miraculous power, might or strength. It is derived from the word meaning, "to be able - to have power." That's it! That's how I do it! It is through miraculous power, might and strength. It is truly not by my might but by His that I am able to parent five children and think of adding another one. When God first started preparing me for the idea of another one, I was pretty overwhelmed, and frankly, scared! But as our loving God does, in my times with Him as I have prayed over this, He has shown me in His Word just how "We" will do it! He's not asking me to do it on my own. He will empower and equip me. If I try to do it on my own like I do so many times in life, I will fail. But if I press into Him and let Him equip me, then one more is totally doable! A week or so ago, I was feeling overwhelmed with just five and John! But God took me to 2 Corinthians 12:9-10. "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness."...for when I am weak, then I am strong."
I have learned that when I can do life by myself, I do! I don't press into God. I coast along taking care of business. But when life is more than I can handle, that is when I spend life on my knees, pressing into God, and only then can God truly be seen in my life!
Do I want to add one more? Some days yes, some days, no! Does it scare me? YES! Most days I feel like I fail miserably in just about every area of being a mother and wife. My house isn't clean enough, I didn't spent enough time with my kids, they watched too much tv, I didn't fix a balanced enough meal, the laundry is piling up, the refrigerator has unrecognizable items in it....the list goes on and on.
But here is the bottom line. God commands us to care for the orphans. Many believe orphan is defined by a child whose parents have died. That is such a narrow definition, and one that I think is totally inaccurate! The children entering our child welfare systems in the US and around the world are orphans! Maybe they are temporary orphans, but orphans all the same. They are in need of a family - a home - a mommy and daddy to love them unconditionally. Some of them make this harder than others. But all children have a right to a home, family and mommy! So whether I have it all together or not, children are in need. As our social worker left yesterday and I asked about children coming in, she actually used the word "epidemic proportions"! We have a crisis...an epidemic! The answer: The Body of Christ! We must step up and care for these children!
Will it make you popular? Nope! Will you be told you are crazy, stupid or a myriad of other things? Yep! But what is God saying? Is he saying that 2.5 children is not the normal family in His kingdom? Is he asking you to be His hands and feet so that He can be a Father to the Fatherless?
Yes, we passed up a referral. No we can't save them all. But we can take in the ones God has for us. When I was changing Madison's diaper last week, I had weird thing happen. I saw a picture in my mind of Baby Girl playing with a little baby that had an afro. It was clear the child was African American and a little boy. I immediately was overwhelmed with the sense that it was a baby that we will have. I don't know it if is a baby we will get to keep or just one that we will foster and return to his family. I still had my heart set on a little girl so I could do those braids! :0) That has been my dream since we lost Eden. So I am sure God gave me this little picture to open my heart to the possibility of a little boy. This has left John and I with a choice: believe those around us who say we have done more than our share and 5 is enough, or believe God who sent His only son to die for us and keep following Him as He asks us to stretch ourselves one more time!
We will see what happens! We are praying for wisdom to know when the child that God has for us crosses our path. In the mean time, I will keep asking you to consider it...will you be a foster parent? The epidemic will not go away if we ignore it...in fact it will just get exponentially worse as these children being raised in the system have children who statistics say will end up in the system also. Let's show the World the love of Christ and power of the Holy Spirit by caring for the least of these!
**If you enjoyed this post, check out my friends' posts about similar things at Building the Blocks and Bonkland.**
I have thought a lot about that lately. Especially with the consideration of adding one more. When people ask me how I do it, I truly don't know how to answer that. I guess the only answer I can come up with is, "How do you not do it?" God gave me five children. I know without a doubt each child was hand picked by God to be in my home. Each child has his or her own unique finger prints of God all over his or her story. I don't doubt whether any of my children were meant to be here. Knowing that, what else do I do but "it"?
With each child after Ava, I've wondered if we were "done". I was content...especially after Toben. I had my four: two boys and two girls. Perfect! Well, that was when I was judging by the world's standards! God has a plan for my family. A plan that He reveals to me one step at a time. People who have known us for a while usually look at John and say, "when is she going to stop?" The answer to that, when God stops!
With each child, I think I can't do anymore! I'm overwhelmed at first with another little person needing my attention. But once we get in a groove, and God starts whispering to me about the next one, I see that one more would work!
I am not super woman! I am not some special mother who was given a great measure of anything. I am just a simple old housewife who loves the Lord and has a heart for orphans. In fact, frankly, I am probably one of the least likely to have a large family - I have a very difficult time staying organized and schedules pretty well elude me. The larger the family gets, the more crucial these things are!
As I think about how I do "it", there is truly only one answer! I came across it again this morning expressed in Acts 1:8, "you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you." If you look up power in Strong's, it says, miraculous power, might or strength. It is derived from the word meaning, "to be able - to have power." That's it! That's how I do it! It is through miraculous power, might and strength. It is truly not by my might but by His that I am able to parent five children and think of adding another one. When God first started preparing me for the idea of another one, I was pretty overwhelmed, and frankly, scared! But as our loving God does, in my times with Him as I have prayed over this, He has shown me in His Word just how "We" will do it! He's not asking me to do it on my own. He will empower and equip me. If I try to do it on my own like I do so many times in life, I will fail. But if I press into Him and let Him equip me, then one more is totally doable! A week or so ago, I was feeling overwhelmed with just five and John! But God took me to 2 Corinthians 12:9-10. "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness."...for when I am weak, then I am strong."
I have learned that when I can do life by myself, I do! I don't press into God. I coast along taking care of business. But when life is more than I can handle, that is when I spend life on my knees, pressing into God, and only then can God truly be seen in my life!
Do I want to add one more? Some days yes, some days, no! Does it scare me? YES! Most days I feel like I fail miserably in just about every area of being a mother and wife. My house isn't clean enough, I didn't spent enough time with my kids, they watched too much tv, I didn't fix a balanced enough meal, the laundry is piling up, the refrigerator has unrecognizable items in it....the list goes on and on.
But here is the bottom line. God commands us to care for the orphans. Many believe orphan is defined by a child whose parents have died. That is such a narrow definition, and one that I think is totally inaccurate! The children entering our child welfare systems in the US and around the world are orphans! Maybe they are temporary orphans, but orphans all the same. They are in need of a family - a home - a mommy and daddy to love them unconditionally. Some of them make this harder than others. But all children have a right to a home, family and mommy! So whether I have it all together or not, children are in need. As our social worker left yesterday and I asked about children coming in, she actually used the word "epidemic proportions"! We have a crisis...an epidemic! The answer: The Body of Christ! We must step up and care for these children!
Will it make you popular? Nope! Will you be told you are crazy, stupid or a myriad of other things? Yep! But what is God saying? Is he saying that 2.5 children is not the normal family in His kingdom? Is he asking you to be His hands and feet so that He can be a Father to the Fatherless?
Yes, we passed up a referral. No we can't save them all. But we can take in the ones God has for us. When I was changing Madison's diaper last week, I had weird thing happen. I saw a picture in my mind of Baby Girl playing with a little baby that had an afro. It was clear the child was African American and a little boy. I immediately was overwhelmed with the sense that it was a baby that we will have. I don't know it if is a baby we will get to keep or just one that we will foster and return to his family. I still had my heart set on a little girl so I could do those braids! :0) That has been my dream since we lost Eden. So I am sure God gave me this little picture to open my heart to the possibility of a little boy. This has left John and I with a choice: believe those around us who say we have done more than our share and 5 is enough, or believe God who sent His only son to die for us and keep following Him as He asks us to stretch ourselves one more time!
We will see what happens! We are praying for wisdom to know when the child that God has for us crosses our path. In the mean time, I will keep asking you to consider it...will you be a foster parent? The epidemic will not go away if we ignore it...in fact it will just get exponentially worse as these children being raised in the system have children who statistics say will end up in the system also. Let's show the World the love of Christ and power of the Holy Spirit by caring for the least of these!
**If you enjoyed this post, check out my friends' posts about similar things at Building the Blocks and Bonkland.**
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