For Such a Time as This

The past few weeks have been a bit of a whirlwind as I have found myself once again in the middle of a battle with government and bureaucracy for the welfare of children.  Only this time, it's local!

It took almost two years to secure our contract with DFPS to place waiting children in adoptive homes.  When I first started the process, even the DFPS contract managers told me it would be a difficult and life-draining process.  They were right.  But we knew God had revealed to us the orphan crisis in our own backyard for us to make a difference....not to just walk away and pretend like we didn't know.  So I pressed on.  We placed our first waiting children in an adoptive home in December, and they finalized last month.  If all that work was done for just those two kids...it would be worth it...because every child deserves a home! But there are 13,000+ still waiting.

That's why when I was made aware of a sibling group of four kids who have had parent rights terminated for over a year with NOTHING done according to policy of CPS to try to find an adoptive home, I jumped to action.  Initially just because we had an adoptive home that was open to looking at the possibility of adopting them.  There is so much more to their story and the travesty of it, but that will have to be a post for another time! My efforts to find them a home were met with a huge brick wall!  Texas is undergoing a foster care redesign and evidently sometime between February when I was told adoption wasn't part of it and June when I am trying to find a home for children whom the system has failed for a year now, adoption became part of it.  The details are appalling and make it obvious that the issue is money and not welfare of children, but that too is a post for another day also.

I spent the better part of the next two days on the phone with officials trying to explain the issue that would severely limit the availability of adoptive homes for the 13,000+ children who are waiting.  On July 3, I found myself on a phone call with a foster care redesign attorney with DFPS and a couple of other people.  It became obvious that this was not going to be an issue easily fixed.  I was defeated.  I was left wondering where God was in all of it! I knew He had called me to this work with waiting children of Texas.  It's my passion, it's become the focus of my life's calling to care for the orphan.  But I truly didn't think I could fight not one more battle in the war for these kids.  I was emotionally, physically and spiritually spent with the demands of that battle, the cases I still had to work with Addy's Hope, and the job to be wife to John and mom to 9.  I leaned over my kitchen counter and just sobbed!

"What do you want from me, GOD?!" I screamed from the deepest part of my soul!  I have fought this battle before in Liberia. I had to walk away from that one without success leaving children and families broken in the wake of those events.  What are you asking me to do now?  What more do you want from me?

I knew I had to have a break at the very least.  So I determined to not work for the 4th of July weekend and take that time to enjoy my family.  I spent most of that weekend trying to figure out how to shut Addy's Hope down.  I truly didn't know how I could continue to work passionately for children to keep hitting government bureaucracy that stood between them and forever families.  It was one thing to deal with that in a third world country half way around the world, but to once again be face to face with this monster in my own country, in my own state in a "civilized" society was more then I felt I could continue to battle. But come Monday morning, God was waiting for me when I got still and started my quiet time with Him.

I had heard a couple of teachings on the dry bones coming to life in Ezekiel 37.  I had turned there that morning.  I started in verse 36 to try and get a little intro to what was happening in 37.  As I read, I felt the despair and hopelessness of the situation melt away.  The Spirit of the Lord spoke to Gideon telling him that what he saw with his eyes was not reality.  He told him to tell the bones to get up...then piece by piece, the bones became an army that could fight for him!  As I read, I knew God was reminding me that what I was being told by those I was talking with was the physical world, but God was telling me to speak life into the situation!  He was reminding me that the true reality of what was happening was in what He had planned.  He brought to mind several Words that had been shared with my be key people in my life.  He showed me how they were for this time and this exact situation.  Then He did something I don't know that I can ever remember Him doing in my walk with Him.  He gave me a choice.

We always have a choice.  I know that.  We can choose life, or we can choose death.  We can choose obedience, or we can choose sin.  But this time was not like that.  This time He spoke to me like I would one of my children who were contemplating a decision.  He assured me that He knew the sacrifice this battle would take.  He told me it would be hard,  it will take all you have to fight it. Then He assured me that I could walk away from it.  It wasn't a "you can walk away, but you will be walking in disobedience" rebuke.  It was truly a choice.  I felt like what I think Jesus must have felt in the Garden of Gethsemane.  Obviously not nearly to the extent of sacrifice that Jesus had to make or the agony he felt, but a similar scenario.  God was telling me this is truly a choice.  However, there were some "buts" to that choice.  It was a choice, "but" all the work I had done in Liberia with the government there was for such a time as this.  It was a choice, "but" the working of the CPS contract and having an agency doing only adoptive placements of waiting children was for this time and place.  So much of the heart ache and the walking through the valleys was for this moment.  It truly felt like God was saying, "This is the moment I created you for!  But I know it will cost you, and you can walk away from it.  Just know that all you have suffered in walking out your faith, beliefs and passion has prepared you for this battle. Now what are you going to do?"  He assured me the battle would be won.  He had already declared it in the heavenlies.  However, He also made clear that pulling that victory down from heaven to earth would require going to battle.  In my work with Addy's Hope, I have always felt inferior.  Inferior as a professional, inferior as a tiny agency, inferior in just about every way possible.  Can I tell you something? God knows our insecurities!  And that morning He spoke directly to mine when He said, "Do not be ashamed or timid because you are a small agency - you are David and I will give you the stones of Truth and wisdom to sleigh Goliath."  (And to confirm that one of my amazing families made a reference to David and Goliath just a few days later!)

And with that, I had a decision to make.....

10 years ago....

Ten years ago today, heaven gained a precious angel!  Our Addy went home to be with Jesus.  I remember the phone call like it was yesterday.  We had just gotten home from watching the Watoto Children's Choir perform in Midland.  Callie and Noah were so excited because it was the first time they really had a reference for who their new sisters were going to be! We were full of joy and hope as we talked about their new sisters, our daughters who would be coming home in a few months.

When we got home, there was a message from our adoption agency.  That in and of itself was a red flag.  They rarely returned phone calls or e-mails, so a call out of the clear blue telling us to call her was a sure thing something was wrong.  You know how your mind immediately starts playing through the scenarios of what it could be....she couldn't find our documents we mailed her?...there was a mistake in some of the paperwork?...there were going to be more fees?...I was still very naive about adoption, especially international adoption. I knew by the tone of her voice it was probably more serious than paperwork, but nothing prepared me for the news that was about to be delivered.  John made the phone call.  John always paces when he talks on the phone...but this time I followed him trying to make sense of the one side of the conversation I was hearing.  I wasn't getting much from "aha" and "yes" and "ok".  Then he goes out the backdoor and puts his foot on it so that I couldn't come out.  Then I knew something serious was happening.  I am sure it wasn't more than 5 or maybe 10 minutes...but it seemed like an eternity.  I watched him through the glass door.  Finally he took the phone from his ear and turned toward me.  When our eyes met, I knew whatever it was, it was serious.

He walked in the door and said, "Addy died."  I am not sure how long I stood there.  I heard the words, but I couldn't make sense of them in my mind.  I asked him to say it again.  The details were still sketchy, but from what we could piece together, she had contracted cholera from contaminated drinking water.  She had died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital.  I was numb.  I needed answers.  I went to my computer and looked up Cholera.  The words I read just brought anger! I had no idea what Cholera was...all she needed was an iv and an antibiotic.  That's it.  The lack of availability of those two simple medical provisions that I always took for granite was all that stood between life and death of my little girl.

I know it may seem impossible to be that emotionally invested or tied to a child you have only seen in a picture.  And maybe it should be.  But for anyone who has adopted, you know that the picture comes to life when God says, "She's yours, go get her!"  I have not lost a child to death who has lived in my home, but I can tell you my mamma heart broke that day.  First in grief and then in anger.  I was mad at God.  Why would you introduce us to them only months earlier, call me to be her mamma and then take her from me?  Why are children dying of the denial of things that are common place in my country?  How are children dying from contaminated water in this day and age? My heart broke for Eden who had just lost her twin...her only sibling from a mother who had died (or so we were told)!

It was her death and the sorting through it over the coming weeks that God would use to call John and I to found Addy's Hope Adoption Agency!  We had no idea what we were doing, and truly, that is a huge understatement!  We honestly just said, "Yes!"  God has done the rest.  We are truly an example of God using a "yes" because that was really all we had to offer in this area.  I didn't know the slightest thing about running any business, much less a ministry.  I sure didn't know the legal ins and outs of processing an adoption.  But we said, "Yes!"

We could have never known what that yes would mean, and how God would use the life and death of one precious little girl to impact lives in a ripple that still has not stopped.  There are 39 children, including our own son, who are no longer orphans in Liberian and Guatemala, but are in loving, Christian homes learning about the Savior who offers them eternal life!  There are two children who are no longer orphans in the foster system, and three more about to be placed in their forever home with two other families waiting for the 5 children combined that they hope to adopt...and 5 more families who are in different parts of the training process in order to bring even more of God's children home!

I still feel most days like I am ill equipped and unable to do all that this ministry demands.  And the fact is, outside of the anointing and direction of the Holy Spirit, I am! But today as I reflect on a life that seemed to be snuffed out way to quickly, there are some things that I know.  While the remembrance still brings tears, I have learned that God is faithful even when He seems to be absent.  I have learned that trusting that I hear Him and trusting that He is leading me will take me to places I could have never gone on my own.  I have learned that there are times when following God will bring heart ache beyond what I could ever imagine, but even in the heart ache, He is there.  He is faithful.  He is worthy.

So today as I remember a little girl I never held in my arms, but will forever hold in my heart and who lives on in the lives of every child touched through Addy's Hope Adoption Agency, I choose to not just morn her death, but celebrate her life! Addy Girl, you inspired me to follow God on a journey that has been far beyond all I could have hoped or imagined!  You stand as a reminder that we, the Body of Christ, have an obligation to those who are less fortunate.  You remind me that only by the grace of God was I born in a country where clean drinking water and medical care is available to all.  You remind me that the battle for children is worth it!  Baby girl, I can't wait to hold you in heaven...until then keep dancing with Jesus!

Totally Undone

We went. We saw. We left. I fell apart. I am still not back together.

No words will ever be able to describe what happened to me...and John on August 12, 2010. I thought after 9 years in the adoption ministry, being to two African countries, numerous orphanages that shock and whatever it was that happened yesterday wouldn't happen again. I was wrong!

*****WARNING: Totally transparent post to follow! You are reading the words of a broken heart, a mother bear, who is still processing what she saw and what she is supposed to do about it. These are not thoughts that have been processed or neatly wrapped in a pretty package. These are raw emotions/thoughts that I am sharing in true transparency so those walking this journey of adoption/fostering with me or thinking about it can know that if this happens to them, they are not alone! If you think you might be offended by reading raw thoughts on an American orphanage...please don't read or if you do, don't judge, please!******

I am NEVER early! Yesterday, I was 10 minutes early to the group home. The kids and I drove around a bit then we went to the main office to wait for John. He arrived and we walked to the home. There are several homes beside the group home forming a horseshoe. The first one was the one we were told to go to. The head caretaker met us at the door and welcomed us in. She was very nice. The home was clean and you can tell an attempt was made to make it homey...but a house is not a home as we all know. It still felt sterile. It was dark. There were itty children everywhere! The caretaker looked at me and said, "Which one is he?" My eyes scanned the moving sea of children. I started to point then turned to her and said, "I don't want to pick because if I pick the wrong one, I will be embarrassed!" She laughed and said, "You were pointing at him." This little guy toddling in front of me with a Spiderman shirt and braids was Little Guy! His eyes were stunning...leery, but stunning. I bent down to talk to him and he took off running for the nearest big person he knew as familiar! I backed off and just talked to him and started talking to the other children. My brain and heart were trying to take in all I was seeing. About that time, the oldest boy in the home...maybe 7 or 8 walks up to me and says, "Are these new kids here?" referring to my children. My mommy heart wanted to wrap my arms around all my kids and scream, NO! And just as quickly my heart broke for that little boy who didn't have a mommy to feel the same about him. That was the first crack of many in my heart that would come in a flood in the next hour.

I had told John when we were talking about visiting that I wondered if we were supposed to visit because Little Guy might not be who we were supposed to take, but some other person there might be. Frankly, (remember I warned you that this is a truly raw and transparent post!) my first impression of Little Guy was not one of love at first sight.

I am convinced that Toben needs someone who looks like him in our family. Little Guy is bi-racial and very light skin toned. So that immediately made me question. Then there were the braids. When you foster, you can't cut their hair unless birth parents give you permission. And I think a lot of times, birth parents won't allow it because it is one of the only things they can control in a situation like that. All I could think of was what my mom and dad would say when they saw him! They are already very concerned and not thrilled about the idea of us adding to our family, his image definitely would not help that at all. My heart was almost shut immediately. But then we stayed.

I went and sat down on the floor and the kids stated coming over to me. Eventually, he got close enough that I could talk to him. I looked down and had the not-so-bright idea to give him one of my bracelets...remember I said there were itties EVERYWHERE! And each one wanted one of my bracelets. God was gracious and the rest seemed to melt away and it was just me and him. I would put it on my arm then put it on his and his eyes would light up and he would laugh. I gave him another and he put on on each arm. We were almost friends after that. John on the other hand was still sitting on the other side of the room because if he got anywhere close, Little Guy became *very* anxious.

They lined the kids up to go outside. As they were lining up, this little girl who had immediately caught my (and Callie's) eye came and put her arm around my shoulders (I was still sitting on the floor). She was gorgeous! She was bi-racial, but darker than Little Guy. When we walked in to the room, she was getting her hair done by one of the workers. It was puffy and beautiful! Her eye lashes were long and her eyes were stunning...much like Little Guy's. In fact, as I looked at them there together, I had to ask! "Are they related?" I had been told that Little Guy had three older siblings, but they were being placed in other places. I had gotten the impression that they were much older, so it really hadn't occurred to me until that moment that this might be his sister. But she was in fact Little Guy's sister! My heart stopped! Then I remembered my conversation with Buckner. Little Guy's sister had a home she was going to, but it would not be ready until mid August. I breathed again...a little disappointed actually to recall that fact. So I said, "but she has a home that she is going to, right?" The answer, "She did, but it fell through." What? Took a moment for my brain to process what I was hearing.

Then all the little ones were going outside, so I got up and we went out with them. There was a small back yard with several ride-on toys and a little playhouse. Ava went right out there like she owned the place and started playing in the play house. I heard a scream from the corner and it was the sister...someone had taken the bike she wanted. She spent most of the time outside sitting right in that place with a frown on her face! The rest of the time she spent in Callie's arms.

We talked more to the workers and asked some questions about Little Guy and sister. How are they together? Are they having visits? How do they interact with the other kids? Are there any major concerns that they see? Nothing alarming came out. But as I looked at the sea of children and as child after child came up to me with smiles, my heart just kept breaking.

Honestly, I couldn't process what I was seeing. My head knew that these children *lived* here. This was not a daycare. No parents were coming to pick them up in a few hours to take them home for a nice hot meal and tuck them in tonight with prayers and kisses. In fact, I found out that no one lives at the house. They are all only caretakers. I thought this group home had house parents, but not even that. Don't get me wrong, the workers were very nice and seemed to genuinely care about the kids, but they are not a mom and dad.

The kids went back inside and were seated in the dining room at a large table for dinner. Workers started bringing out white paper plates with half a sandwich, chips and pretzels on each one. They said a prayer and the children started eating. We took that as our cue to leave. I said bye to all the kids and went over to Little Guy and kissed his cheek. Not knowing if I was kissing my soon to be son bye or kissing a little boy I would never see again. My head was reeling from all I had just witnessed.

We walked out the door. We were only a few steps from the door when Ava says, "Can we keep the baby boy?" I kind of laughed and said, "He's not a puppy." To which she replied, "So can we take him home?" I was already fighting back tears and tried to squeak out, "We will have to see." We started the walk to our cars and about half way there, I lost it. Sobs...not just tears, but sobs from the core of my being! I was trying to hold it together in front of my kids, but the reality of what I just left hit me like a brick wall.

I.
Will.
Never.
Be.
The.
Same.

I had just seen my first American orphanage. They call it a group home. I don't care what words you call it, It. Is. An. Orphanage!

It's not like I haven't stayed in an orphanage before, much less visited numerous ones. I am still puzzled by my (and John's) reaction to the place. And don't get me wrong, the organization running the home is doing a great job at what it is. The home was clean, it was decorated to some extent, the children were all clean and well-dressed. The workers were nice and seemed to truly care for the children. But, it was not a home! There were no parents to kiss away hurts or say bed-time prayers or love these children with the love of a mommy and/or daddy!

We call ourselves a civilized society. Places like Liberia, well, we expect to see orphanages for children in need. Not. In. America! And specifically, Not. In. My. Backyard!

In about 15 minutes I went from devastated, to overwhelmed, to angry, to heartbroken, and then numb. Talk about sticking your head in the sand....I wanted to do just that! I wanted to take my family to eat, then go home and erase all I had seen. I wanted to pretend like I never heard of Little Guy or his sister and just go on with life with my five children in my happy, comfortable home and car.

But before the numbness hit, I made a phone call to Buckner to ask about the sister and tell them we were going to need some time to process before we could give an answer! I asked about becoming a group home so that we could take more than 6 kids (sister would put us up to seven). I didn't really have a clue what I was saying, all I knew was that if she didn't have a home, we were not taking him and leaving her behind! I could take her and leave him behind easier than I could leave her, but that really isn't going to happen either, I don't think. (remember....raw, transparency here!)

It wasn't until we stopped to eat and John and I were talking that he reminded me that neither of our cars will hold 7 kids and me! I couldn't even take the kids to school...forget going anywhere as a family in one car! My heart sank. That reality hit me like a ton of bricks.

Pretty well all night last night, I couldn't really think about what we needed to do. I couldn't really wrap my head around it. I tried to keep pushing it to the back...and had just about succeeded in forgetting for a moment as we had taken the kids to family night at the museum...there were all kinds of lizards, snakes, iguanas, fish, etc. It was a ton of fun! Ava even pet a hissing cockroach....grossed me out! In all that excitement two little people with frizzy hair were just about out of my mind when I turned a corner and there he was...Little Guy and his friends from the home were right in front of me! I went over and took him from his worker...he protested until he saw John then he clung to me for life. Not sure how that is really going to work if he comes to live with us....but with time, it will be ok. And the fact of the matter is as John and I talked this morning, he will be that way with anyone that he goes to live with! So someone has to say YES to this little man!

Even as we came home and I knew I had to start thinking about what we were going to decide for a placement, I couldn't find any peace or even any clarity of thought to even process it all. I finally just had to tell God that He was going to have to give me some rest and then provide clear answers in the morning.

As I woke this morning with a little on in bed with me (Ava snuck in some time during the night!), James 4:17 was running through my head: "Anyone who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins." Well, that is pretty plain, isn't it. The problem at this moment is that I don't know the good I ought to do. I am still waiting for some answers.

But we are ready! We are ready to take them both. We just need a car. We don't have money for a car. But as our pastor preached last Sunday, God can super naturally rescue these two little kids. He can provide a car for us that will hold our family. I have already posted on my facebook that I will be calling dealerships today to find out if any are interested in donating a 12 passenger van. Ironically, well, I take that back, God isn't into irony, only divine planning! James 4, earlier in the chapter, holds another verse that God brought to mind this morning. Verse 2 says, "You do not have because you do not ask God."

So I am asking. I am asking God to provide a car so we can call Buckner and say, "get us approved as a group home!" We are taking them both! I am asking God and then I am going to make some calls to dealerships in faith asking them if they would donate a car or a portion of the price for a 12 passenger van. I am going to ask believing that God is a God of miracles and He cares enough about these two precious children to provide a miracle, a super natural rescue, for two little children who have stolen my heart and marked my life forever.

And those bracelets I talked about earlier? They were still on Little Guy's arms when I left...he kept my bracelets and a piece of my heart that I know will never be the same as long as I walk this earth!

From the Addy's Hope News Blog

I am cross-posting this from the Addy's Hope News Blog...thank you faithful prayer warriors! I believe we are seeing the first mortar fall from the wall we have been marching around for a year and a half now! I hear the sound of cracking brick and we will soon march over the ruins of wickedness and corruption that have kept us from heping the chidren! Praise God!!!


The meeting with the new Minister of Justice and other parties involved in the persecution of adoption it set for tomorrow morning. I have been in continual prayer for this meeting. I believe it was no irony that yesterday's sermon at my church was on spiritual warfare. But even before the message was delivered, during the worship time, I felt a strong sense of needing to pray for the battle waging for the children of Liberia. As such, I began praying for them. Immediately a peace flooded me. I believe this matter is settled. We will see great victory come from this meeting. Of course, my time is not God's time. I don't know that this victory will be evident immediately. My request to God is that we see immediate results, but I don't know that it will happen. I believe God was encouraging me to hang tight and not lose hope or question the outcome if immediate results are not evident. He will bring about that which has been settled in His timing...which is rarely the same as mine! Can anyone relate?!

This morning as I prayed again about the meeting, God took me to Psalm 33 and 34. I ask you to join me in proclaiming the Word over this meeting and the situation with adoption and children in Liberia. Let me remind everyone that this is much bigger than just adoption. We are talking about leaders in the Ministry of Health who have taken, from the last report I heard, over $300,000 (US, not Liberian dollars) from children who are in orphanages that have nothing to do with adoptions. This is the money the government was supposed to be giving those who care for the children to feed them. This money was literally stolen out of the mouths of the children by the very people set in authority by President Sirleaf and her people to care for the "health and social welfare" of these children. Anyone else see a serious problem?

So my prayer is not that adoptions open. Yes, that is part of it, but I am asking you to pray that these people be brought to justice and removed from their seats of authority so that Godly men and women can be put in authority and the well-being of the Liberian children can once again be at the forefront of what the Ministry of Health and Social Welfare is doing.

Here is what God brought me to and I am asking you to agree with me in prayer:
Psalm 34:
7 ~ The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and rescues them.
8-10 ~ O taste and see that the Lord is good; how blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him: O fear the Lord, You His saints; for to those who fear Him there is no want. The young lions do lack and suffer hunger; but they who seek the Lord shall not be in want of any good thing.
15-22 ~ The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous and His ears are open to their cry. The face of the Lord is against evildoers, to cut off the memory of them from the earth. The righteous cry, and the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones, not one of them is broken, evil shall slay the wicked, and those who hate the righteous will be condemned. The Lord redeems the soul of His servants, and none of those who take refuge in Him will be condemned.

Psalm 37
7-15
Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him; do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, Because of the man who carries out wicked schemes. Cease from anger and forsake wrath; do not fret; it leads only to evildoing. For evildoers will be cut off, but those who wait for the Lord, they will inherit the land. Yet a little while and the wicked man will be no more; and you will look carefully for his place and he will not be there. But the humble will inherit the land and will delight themselves in abundant prosperity. The wicked plots against the righteous and gnashes at him with his teeth. The Lord laugh ts at him, for He sees his day is coming. The wicked have drawn the sword and bent their bow to cast down the afflicted and the needy [orphans and those who care for them], to slay those who are upright in conduct [those of us who have spoken out publicly against the corruption in the Ministry of Health]. Their sword will enter their own heart, and their bows will be broken.

34~ Wait for the Lord and keep His way, and He will exalt you to inherit the land; when the wicked are cut off, you will see it.

I am dancing for joy at the truths in those verses! The authority is all God's! He will deal harshly with those who plot against His people and especially against His children! Praise Him! To Him be all the glory from the outcomes of this meeting!

Concerning what I believe to be God speaking victory over the wicked in power over the care of children and the battle waging for these children:
Psalm 33:9-12 ~ For He spoke, and it was done; He commanded, and it stood fast. The Lord nullifies the counsel of the nations; He frustrates the plans of the peoples. The counsel of the Lord stands forever. The plans of His heart from generation to generation. Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord, the people whom He has chosen for His own inheritance.

Thank you for journeying with us and praying for the children of Liberia. I look forward to reporting to all of you prayer warriors the victories we will see in the days, weeks, months and years to come. I have always believed that God has big plans for Liberia and intends to make Liberia a power house nation....much like American. But He must have righteous leaders before that can happen. Your prayers are working to bring that about. Just one more time we as Christians are called to a very small part of a much larger picture! Thank you for your faithfulness and dedication. Words can't express the gratitude I have for those of you praying with us!

For the oppressed,
HollyAnn

It happens EVERY DAY!

This is Aletha, T-girl and Samuel who live at Addy's Hope Home right now. They are the faces of children in Liberia who need more...more food, more love, more education!












You hear so much about the orphans of Haiti right now. You hear people wanting to know how to adopt those children left behind or suffering. That is awesome! I have read some wonderful dialogues on facebook where people are asking great questions. But the fact is, disasters leave orphans EVERY DAY in many countries in the world today! The only difference is the media doesn't cover it!

AIDS will orphan 40 million children this week. Hunger and starvation will orphan probably more than that or kill ones who have already been orphaned. Lack of clean water will do the same! If you have been moved to inquire about the children of Haiti, can I challenge you to not stop with Haiti? More than likely adoptions in Haiti will stall as children unmatched with families from the earthquake will have to be verified as orphans which can take months if not years in a crisis like this. But there are children all over the world...and right here in America who are just as in need of homes.

My friend Alicia challenged her facebook friends to start right now to obtain a homestudy to be ready in a moments notice to adopt a child in need! I think that is an amazing challenge for Christians who take seriously the charge to care for orphans!

And if you don't feel called to adopt, find someone who is and support them! Or find a place like Addy's Hope that is committed to caring for children even when adoptions have been closed for 12 months, but the money is gone. Our children are the ones who suffer the most! We need more money to give more food and make sure the children, God's children, are cared for not just to the point of survival, but to thriving! We could use your help right now!

Don't stop with Haiti, please! They need your help, yes! Do what you can there, but then do more!

For Debbie and Karen

Debbie posted a comment on my last post. It was a very honest and straightforward post. I like that. The only problem, Debbie, is that you don't know me. You make many assumptions in your comments that are not true, but part of being transparent on a public forum like a blog is that criticism such as yours from people who don't really understand/know your heart come.

I assure you that I am not just sitting back and saying God doesn't exist. If that were so, I would not be feeding 51 children with my own personal money as well as the many other things I am doing.

However, in Job that you quoted, Job does question! So I don't believe as you alluded that it is wrong to question at all! What would be wrong is to stay there. This is why I am fasting and praying...in order to not stay there.

Any Christian I know who has stretched themselves beyond themselves have had the same questions I have had. One of the reasons I share is because I don't believe enough Christians share their struggles. Most Christians in the churches I have been in put on their masks and tell everyone they are "fine" when they are really dying on the inside. I believe if more of us would be honest, and walk through these crisis of faith with each other in love without criticism and blame, more Christians would take more risks. But when you take a risk and find yourself in unknown water, there usually is not another brother or sister to walk with you because that would mean they would have to admit they had a weakness too...not many are willing to do that.

If one person can relate to what I have written and continue on in a walk with God because they know they are not alone in their struggles, then putting myself out there to be criticized is worth it.

And, Debbie, you hit the nail on the head with one of your comments....you alluded to people being the ones to not do things. To that I say, AMEN! If more "Christians" were doing more, we wouldn't have orphans, or poverty or many other things...at least not nearly to the extent that the world does right now! So if you are reading this and haven't done something to help someone less fortunate than yourself in the last month, I challenge you to do something...serve at a soup kitchen, donate food to a food bank (and not just the stuff that you won't eat..have your family skip a meal and donate that meal to the food bank!), donate to an organization that feeds orphans (I could put you in touch with a really good one! hint!hint!), or just take a sack of groceries to the door step of a family that you know is in need. If we would all do just a little bit....we would impact the world for Christ....

and despite what my latest posts have said, that is truly the heartbeat of my life, and those who truly know me and know the struggles that are in my life right now, know that...I am just being stretched right now....and being stretched is always painful and difficult!

Karen, thank you for understanding, relating and being willing to put yourself out there too (Crissy too!). You ladies are dear to me! And Karen, YES, let's do it together! Burdens are always lighter when divided among friends...and this is why I love the Body of Christ!

What a quote!

I have been looking for blogs on foster care, so I checked out my friend Amy's from an adoptive mom yahoo group I belong to. They have just been through a trying foster ordeal! But since John and I are praying about it, I wanted to read more about it. I process things so differently than John, and it makes times like this very stressful at our house!

When Amy's blog came up, I looked at her title bar and saw this quote. It has haunted me ever since:

"Sometimes I'd like to ask God why He allows poverty, famine, and injustice in the world when He could do something about it...but I'm afraid God might ask me the same question." -Anonymous

wow! That says it all!

Go check out Building the Blocks, you will be blessed!

Our kids

Check out our kids! John put together this video in order for us to raise funds to cover expenses over the next few months while adoptions are on hold! If God stirs your heart as you look into the faces of the chidlren in our care (59 total...33 have families committed, the rest are being cared for totally on donations by people God has stirred to help), you can e-mail me for donation information. Thanks for looking at our kids! I think they are the cutest in the world! But I might be just a tad prejudice! :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCuHOUqCPfk

I am sure there is a way to post this directly to my blog, but you know me...technology is not my thing!

The past week

Once again, I find myself with much to post, but not much time. So here is a run down of my last week:
~My computer crashed, so I am having to work on the kids' old, slow computer! Another reason for not many posts this week! Luckily it had two drives, and I had saved almost everything on the D drive, so I have all my pictures and most of the data. Thank you God!
~ Started the Daniel Fast. It is going well. I am really missing meat today! I have lost 10 pounds in 4 days! That is in sane! Of course, I know some will come back, but can you say, "Reality Check" on weightloss and what I thought I was doing!
~ We got to see our very good friends the Buntyns last night when they came through town after a track meet! They just brought home their two beautiful girls from Liberia..it is always a little surreal when I see the kiddos I helped bring home playing with my kids in my home! I LOVE it!
~ I spoke at a 55 and older group at a church in a neighboring town. It is my parents church, and I just went to share with them what we are doing...no expectations! Just their weekly "program" for that week. Well, turns out, they were extremely touched by our work and are considering supporting us as one of their missions! Go figure! Just goes to show that God will provide even when your home church won't!
~ We are visiting a new church this morning. Finding a new church just stinks! I hate it! I don't know what to judge a church on, I don't know what to consider. There is no perfect church. So what things do we compromise and what things do we not? The longer we are away from our old church the more I see how blinded we were to so many things. I don't want to be that way again! I want to be where God is moving and people are serving OTHERS..not just themselves! I want to go where there is action and not just talk because faith without works is dead! But I also want to make sure we agree on theology as my kids will be taught there! Yet, do I really know what my theology is as it changes the more maturity I get! Things I thought were in scripture, I learn were just inbred traditions...so when God reveals His word to me, I realize what I thought was theology really wasn't! Yet the churches I went to taught it as theology. Totally confused? me too!

Well, time for church! Here we go! God, give us Your eyes to see and Your discernment to know if this is our home!

Orphan defined!

My friend Jody put the definition for orphan on her blog. It is: "a person or thing bereft of protection or position." That hit me right between the eyes! If you take this as the definition, is is "just" the children who have no mother or father? I have so many people ask me where Toben's parents are? Why would they give him up? But its funny how no one asks me that about Noah....why is that? Is it because we in America think so highly of ourselves that we have the right to do whatever is comfortable for us (ie: place a child for adoption), but people in Africa should only do that if they are dead?

If you see an orphan as a person or thing bereft of protection or position, then the statistics are all wrong! I would venture to say there are MANY more orphans in the world than UNICEF or anyone else will ever know!