I have had several people lately mention in conversation that John and I chose this life. I don't know if it's arrogance wanting credit for all that we do in our home that few people understand or know, or if it's my frustration that more people are not "choosing" it, but the comment always rubs me the wrong way. So much so that the last time someone mentioned it, I actually stopped them and corrected them.
If by "choose" you mean we said yes when God asked us to jump, then I can agree we chose this life! But as a Christ follower who believes we have a different reality and set of rules than those who are not Christ followers, I've never really considered obedience to God a choice! I mean I have had my struggles where I didn't follow Him - I am a sinner in need of his grace DAILY if not HOURLY! But I have always been extremely convicted even when I didn't understand at all kingdom living on earth that doing what God asked me to do was the best choice for me. Galatians 5:13 puts it like this, "You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh ; rather, serve one another humbly in love." (NIV)
However, the way our "choice" usually comes up in conversation is when someone is talking about the stress we endure or the chaos we manage. That is the definition of choice that makes me want to scream from a rooftop - I DID NOT CHOOSE THIS LIFE!
John most recently said it best. When we took on the responsibility of being parents to 9 individual children-10 now if you count the 17 year old living with us this year - we did choose to take on the spiritual responsibility, the financial responsibility, the demands of raising these humans to adulthood and supporting them until death. However, when we said yes to a number of our children, we had NO IDEA what the future looked like!
Let me stop here and be very clear, this is not a post of regret about saying yes to ANY of my children! I love each and every one of them! I know God placed them in my home, and I am honored and blessed to be their mom! There are no regrets to saying yes! This is not a post to get sympathy or 'at-a-boys' from anyone. It's simply a post of awareness for those of us raising kids who have struggles we didn't know they would have. It's a post of education to what NOT to say to families who are struggling with behaviors rooted in what happened to children BEFORE they came into the family. It's a post to ask if this is a choice, then why are more not choosing it who say Jesus is their Lord?
Back to saying yes - I have a biological daughter who many would say I "chose" to birth - because many would have ended her life in utero due to her genetic malformation. Did I choose to give her life? You bet I did! Would I choose to do it again? One THOUSAND times INFINITY I would! Would I choose for my daughter to have a special needs child? NO!
Many of my kids came to me as babies - newborns. Just like with Ava, there was no way to know the future. I held perfect little babies! They met all their milestones, they grew and loved and attached and were just my babies. Did I choose to adopt a healthy baby who might have some learning disabilities because of choices their birth mothers made during pregnancy? Yes! Did I choose to have mental hospital stays? Did I choose to have daily trips to the school to calm a child wrecked by anxiety and unable to manage it well? Did I choose to bare scars from meltdowns that resulted in scratches? Did I choose to hear "you're not my mom" multiple times as children process their own loss and grief? NO!
Raising children with trauma, saying yes when God asked us, does not mean we chose the life you see us live today! It does mean that we are committed to parenting our children for a lifetime! It does mean that we trust God knew our today when we said yes yesterday - and we trust Him to hold our tomorrow! It does mean that we have to daily rely on Him to fill us up in order to just pour into our family - with the hope of one day being able to minister outside our family more.
So please, before you look at a family like ours - or anyone in a situation that may be more than they said "yes" to - and think we chose this, please reconsider! And while you are at it, would you consider a yes to a life that may be more than you bargained for? There are nearly 7,000 children in Texas who need someone to say yes to them for forever - and many more who need a temporary yes while their parents get their feet back on the ground! I can promise you it will be more than you thought you said yes to - but not all that "more" is a bad thing! We have more love, more grace, more laughing, and more compassion than I ever could have imagined raising in the family we would have had if we had not said yes!
Showing posts with label raising grandkids. Show all posts
Showing posts with label raising grandkids. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 28, 2018
Friday, July 3, 2015
Trust Without Borders: When You Start to Sink
There is an amazing song by Hillsong that has been popular now for a year or more. It goes like this:
You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand
And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine
Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
We heard Him call us out upon the waters! Two years ago today, we received a phone call that would forever change the course of our family. Our daughter was leaving our grandchildren, then 3 weeks and 11 months old, with John's parents and returning to an abusive relationship. CPS would be taking the children into custody the following Monday (it was a Wednesday & everything was shutting down for the July 4th holiday). John and I had just talked the night before about "what ifs". We both agreed that bringing these two babies into our home would require drastic sacrifice for our other 6 children. Children who had already sacrificed much over the last two years as we had navigated life while adding three children and two grand-babies to our family! I already felt maxed out in every way - physically, emotionally and spiritually - & I knew they felt much the same. How in the world would I parent two more infants? How would we pay for two more children in diapers and still on formula?
But as soon as the call came in, God began to speak. He illuminated every single step we were to take! We learned we had legal rights that we had no idea we had...in fact had previously been told we did not have. We heard God say, "Come to Me! Trust Me! Get out of the boat and walk this with me!" So we stepped out of the boat....onto the waters.
On July 5, a judge granted us temporary custody of our grand babies and we went from 6 children at home to 8! The ages were 13, almost 12, 8, 7, 3, just turned 2, 11 months, and 3 weeks! It really wasn't the "8" that was the problem. It was the 3, 2, 11 months and 3 weeks that was a struggle!
You know when you take a huge leap of faith, there is a period of exhilaration that fuels you! Kind of like the adrenaline rush. We had heard God and obeyed! It was fun trying to navigate our new life. The older kids were excited about having the babies and helped out tremendously! We would keep sippee cup and diaper counts for each day just for fun....it was a ridiculous number for both! Life seemed very surreal! Friends brought donations by the car load...literally! We were blessed beyond anything we could have hoped or imagined. We were walking on water.
When we agreed to pursue custody, we never intended for it to be long term. We fully believed that we would have them 6 months probably, a year at the maximum and they would go back to our daughter. We believed it would be a wake-up call, and things would improve so that there was a safe environment for the children to return.
But days turned to weeks, and weeks turned to months. God would call us to keep expanding our trust borders even more and move 5 hours away from all support systems just one month after the babies moved in. We had not been part of Ella's life for the first year, so she had no idea who we were. The trauma in her life was extensive. She pretty well screamed the majority of the time she was awake. Most of the time she was inconsolable. She would cry when you picked her up. She would cry when you put her down. The first sell of our house would fall through, but we moved anyway because John had a start date and the school year was beginning. So we moved with all the expenses that come with that (and in education, you don't get moving expenses), and we had to maintain two house payments for a couple of months. John went to work, the older kids went to school, and I was left in a new house full of unpacked boxes, not knowing a single living soul, with four kids ages three and under. Did you know you can't even go to the grocery store with that many small children as there is no where to put them all?!
It would begin what has become one of the darkest seasons of my life. As I heard Oceans by Hillsong, the other day, I was struck by the lyrics as I reflected on the last two years. God called me out up on the great unknown. He asked us to trust Him, and we did.
So, what happened?!
Just like Peter, in those moments where we sank, I had taken my eyes off my Savior! The enemy had successfully stolen my joy and my abundant life making me angry and bitter with God for asking us to do something that was so hard, that literally took all I had every. single. day. All I could think of was what my life would be like if we had not said yes to getting out of that boat.
You see, we had said yes to a life that required God's super on our natural to make it from morning to night. And then, along the way, we had believed enough lies of the enemy that we began walking in the flesh. We started looking around at the waves instead of focusing on the One who calms the storm. We started letting circumstances be our guide instead of the faith that is sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see...the faith that it required to get out of the boat in the first place.
You can't say yes in faith and then remove your eyes from the Author and Perfector of your faith! You. Will. Sink.
What do you do then? You refocus. You reclaim. You recommit. Some days, I still go under water. But those are usually the days that I hit snooze instead of getting out of bed and getting in the Word!
When you start to sink, you also remember. You remember that this is a season! As we went to our small community's 4th of July celebration yesterday, we laughed. We haven't done that as a family much the last few years. We recalled last year's celebration when there were screams through most of it. Which was pretty well our norm. But this year, there were less screams and more giggles. And next year, there will be even fewer screams and even more giggles...because this is a season! And because healing is occurring...for all of us!
As I start to find myself keeping my head above the water more and more, I think we will live again. I am taking back the joy that is mine in Christ...even with a life that requires more than I think I have to give most days. And on the days when I think it's "unfair" that He called me to this life, He gently reminds me that He gave his life for me, what then could be too much of him to ask? And He reminds me that my treasures are in heaven and not here on earth. And I start to look around and see all that I have to be thankful for even in the midst of the chaos! I celebrate the small victories...like all of the kids were dressed in actual 4th of July clothes! As silly as that sounds, it is a sign to me that I am beginning to be able to do the things that bring me joy in my life! Those little things have been beyond reach the last two years with all that just the daily tasks of life demanded.
Despite nearly drowning many times over the past two years, I am so thankfully when that call came in, we stepped out of the boat! It has forever changed me....and the little people that I call mine!
You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand
And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine
Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
 |
| The big girl in this picture, well she is amazing! |
But as soon as the call came in, God began to speak. He illuminated every single step we were to take! We learned we had legal rights that we had no idea we had...in fact had previously been told we did not have. We heard God say, "Come to Me! Trust Me! Get out of the boat and walk this with me!" So we stepped out of the boat....onto the waters.
On July 5, a judge granted us temporary custody of our grand babies and we went from 6 children at home to 8! The ages were 13, almost 12, 8, 7, 3, just turned 2, 11 months, and 3 weeks! It really wasn't the "8" that was the problem. It was the 3, 2, 11 months and 3 weeks that was a struggle!
 |
| The big boy in this picture, well he is amazing! |
When we agreed to pursue custody, we never intended for it to be long term. We fully believed that we would have them 6 months probably, a year at the maximum and they would go back to our daughter. We believed it would be a wake-up call, and things would improve so that there was a safe environment for the children to return.
But days turned to weeks, and weeks turned to months. God would call us to keep expanding our trust borders even more and move 5 hours away from all support systems just one month after the babies moved in. We had not been part of Ella's life for the first year, so she had no idea who we were. The trauma in her life was extensive. She pretty well screamed the majority of the time she was awake. Most of the time she was inconsolable. She would cry when you picked her up. She would cry when you put her down. The first sell of our house would fall through, but we moved anyway because John had a start date and the school year was beginning. So we moved with all the expenses that come with that (and in education, you don't get moving expenses), and we had to maintain two house payments for a couple of months. John went to work, the older kids went to school, and I was left in a new house full of unpacked boxes, not knowing a single living soul, with four kids ages three and under. Did you know you can't even go to the grocery store with that many small children as there is no where to put them all?!
It would begin what has become one of the darkest seasons of my life. As I heard Oceans by Hillsong, the other day, I was struck by the lyrics as I reflected on the last two years. God called me out up on the great unknown. He asked us to trust Him, and we did.
So, what happened?!
Just like Peter, in those moments where we sank, I had taken my eyes off my Savior! The enemy had successfully stolen my joy and my abundant life making me angry and bitter with God for asking us to do something that was so hard, that literally took all I had every. single. day. All I could think of was what my life would be like if we had not said yes to getting out of that boat.
You see, we had said yes to a life that required God's super on our natural to make it from morning to night. And then, along the way, we had believed enough lies of the enemy that we began walking in the flesh. We started looking around at the waves instead of focusing on the One who calms the storm. We started letting circumstances be our guide instead of the faith that is sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see...the faith that it required to get out of the boat in the first place.
You can't say yes in faith and then remove your eyes from the Author and Perfector of your faith! You. Will. Sink.
What do you do then? You refocus. You reclaim. You recommit. Some days, I still go under water. But those are usually the days that I hit snooze instead of getting out of bed and getting in the Word!
 |
| Last y ear! |
 |
| This year~ (The Sun was bright! :) ) |
Despite nearly drowning many times over the past two years, I am so thankfully when that call came in, we stepped out of the boat! It has forever changed me....and the little people that I call mine!
 |
| Just because she is so beautiful! |
 |
| Just because he is so handsome! |
Monday, June 8, 2015
From Mimi to Mommy
It is here. The day that I will officially go from Mimi to Mommy. I have been in the role of mommy for some months now, but today it will be a legal, final title.
As John and I sat and talked about it, we both agreed that there are no words for the emotions. This is our 5th time to go before officials and declare our desire to make a child not born to us our legal child as if they were. There has always been such an excitement and grand anticipation of this day before. But this time is different. This time, that declaration carries with it such a heavy burden.
My road from Mimi to Mommy is a long and twisty one. The road started with a simple nod.
"So, are you pregnant?" And then the head nod that would turn my world upside down.
It took time, but we worked through it. We accepted that the daughter we had just taken in as our daughter, was now going to be a mother. And we were going to be grandparents...at 38 years young! The months ahead were spent trying to prepare a young girl how to be a woman and mother. I am sure we made many mistakes! But I know we did the best we could with what we knew and what we had to offer. And I know above all else, that we went to God with every decision we had to make and every questions we had about what was next over those weeks and months! He has been so faithful! I held my daughter's hand as she gave birth to her daughter on July 18, 2012. It was an emotional day for all of us! No matter what our past was, a new life had been born! A life God created with a purpose and a plan, a hope and future that was good! And a Mimi was born!
I would only get to love on my sweet girl for 5 weeks before she would leave our home when her mother ran away with her. It was one of the darkest and most confusing times of my life. Again, I am sure we made many mistakes, but we did the best we could with what we had and what we knew at that time. I would kiss her sweet face as she slept in a car seat that her mother carried as she walked out of the police station a few days later not knowing when or if I would ever see them again. I had to turn her totally and completely over to God! I would have worried myself into complete dysfunction if I had not just rolled her safety and well being over to God and left it with Him. Some days seemed unbearable. Others just left me in a heap of tears with aching arms to hold my daughter and my grandbaby.
We would only see her three or four times for just minutes at a time over the next 10 months. When we did see her, we were strangers. The joy of getting to see her was always met with the reality and heartbreak that she had no clue who we were! It was an agonizing pain like none I had ever known. And I was powerless to do anything about it. During those months we heard through the grapevine that we were going to be grandparents again.
On June 11, 2013 I once again stood in a delivery room as a baby boy would enter this world! He didn't want to breathe at first. I stood over him while he was in the warmer speaking life and praying complete health over him as nursery nurses were called up in case he became distressed. After what seemed like an eternity, they allowed us to hold him and felt confident he was going to be just fine.
We spent the next three weeks trying to build a relationship with our daughter and her new family. God would use this time to bring truth to light in a way that can only be accredited to Him! And on July 3 we received a phone call that we never dreamed we would receive. Our grandbabies had been left with John's parents. CPS would be coming to get them after the holiday to determine where they would be placed. The next hours were a blur as God literally lit each and every step for us to take! We learned things in minutes that I had never heard in years of a career with children! And on July 5, a judge granted us full custody of our two grandbabies. We now had 8 children in our home ages 13, 12, 8, 7, 3, 23 months, 11 months, and 3 weeks.
We intervened only to keep them safe. Our plan was for our daughter to get settled and the children return to her. From the time we found out she was pregnant, we had made it our goal to support and equip her to be a mother to her children. God would orchestrate a move half way across Texas just weeks after we gained custody of the babies. So we left all our support system and moved with 8 children, four of whom were 3 and under. It was the hardest year of my life! John and I looked at each other on more than one occasion and said, "We can't do this!" But when we would stop to pray about it, God would always take us back to how they came to be with us. There was No. Way. that could have happened outside of God orchestrating all the events just as He did. And what option did we have? If there had been any other way to keep them safe, we would have done it. But God made it clear, their place was with us. The enemy tried in so many ways to convince us we couldn't or shouldn't do it. But God was faithful to always bring us back to how they came to us, and remind us that He has a plan and a purpose for them...and that is ultimately whey they are with us. We are to raise them to be His children for His kingdom purposes!
We would learn that a third grandbaby was on his way into the world. After much prayer and consideration, we agreed that the two babies needed to stay with us in order to secure a permanent, stable home. And again, God made a way where we saw No. Way. In March 2014, relinquishment papers were signed allowing us to be free and clear to legally adopt the children ensuring that they will stay with us. And just like that my role changed from Mimi to Mommy.
It sounds so cut and dry. And I guess on legal papers, it is. But in my heart, it is anything but easy or cut and dry. I should be excited about tomorrow! And on some level I am. I am excited that legally, there will be nothing that can take these two precious ones out of my home. I am excited that there will be legal paperwork to support what I already know in my heart...they are mine. But it also is a death of a dream. A dream of getting to be Mimi to two precious children while I watched their mother, my daughter, raise them. It means realizing that they will have to wrestle one day with how and why their Mimi had to become their Mommy. There will be hard questions. There will be brokenness that will have to be healed. I always said when we started fostering that the emotions I had during the process were just unnatural. I did not know what to do with the emotions as there are no files in my brain to put them in because they are just not natural feelings. In a perfect world, there would be no need for adoption! There would be no orphans. This process has been much like that. There are just no files to sort out the emotions that come. There will be deep mourning over my daughter losing her role as mother for her children. And that breaks my heart in ways I never even knew it could break.
But as I think about last night when Ella (formerly Peighton) played on the stairs at the restaurant where we were eating, I get excited about tomorrow! Why? Because while playing on the stairs, she did a free fall about three steps up for Callie to catch her! No bid deal, you think? It is a HUGE. DEAL. It showed trust! The little girl who came to live with us was scared, confused, slept for three days straight, and cried just about non stop! But before me stood a confident, trusting, giggling little girl who just gets to be a little girl! And that makes me happy. And that makes all the sacrifices worth it!
And DJ, well you can ask anyone who knows him! He has a light in him that shines bright! And his smile can melt a heart in an instant! He is my boy!
Even as I sat down to really process things before we head to court, God showed up! I was going to look up the scriptures He had given me for Ella last year about this time. I knew they were in Isaiah but would have to do some looking to find exactly where. But as I opened my Bible to look, it opened to the exact page with the scriptures marked with her name! It was just one more encouragement from God that we are doing the right thing for them.
Today, the third time that we have scheduled court, we are FINALLY going to make this official! This Mimi is becoming their Mommy! And because EVERY adoption should be celebrated, I am going to do my best to lay aside why we are at this place and celebrate the fact that I have two more arrows in my quiver who are a blessing from God in order for me to train and equip them for their Kingdom purposes! The road has not been an easy one, but today, I lay it all down and embrace the title of Mommy with thanksgiving, excitement and joy!
As John and I sat and talked about it, we both agreed that there are no words for the emotions. This is our 5th time to go before officials and declare our desire to make a child not born to us our legal child as if they were. There has always been such an excitement and grand anticipation of this day before. But this time is different. This time, that declaration carries with it such a heavy burden.
My road from Mimi to Mommy is a long and twisty one. The road started with a simple nod.
"So, are you pregnant?" And then the head nod that would turn my world upside down.
It took time, but we worked through it. We accepted that the daughter we had just taken in as our daughter, was now going to be a mother. And we were going to be grandparents...at 38 years young! The months ahead were spent trying to prepare a young girl how to be a woman and mother. I am sure we made many mistakes! But I know we did the best we could with what we knew and what we had to offer. And I know above all else, that we went to God with every decision we had to make and every questions we had about what was next over those weeks and months! He has been so faithful! I held my daughter's hand as she gave birth to her daughter on July 18, 2012. It was an emotional day for all of us! No matter what our past was, a new life had been born! A life God created with a purpose and a plan, a hope and future that was good! And a Mimi was born!
I would only get to love on my sweet girl for 5 weeks before she would leave our home when her mother ran away with her. It was one of the darkest and most confusing times of my life. Again, I am sure we made many mistakes, but we did the best we could with what we had and what we knew at that time. I would kiss her sweet face as she slept in a car seat that her mother carried as she walked out of the police station a few days later not knowing when or if I would ever see them again. I had to turn her totally and completely over to God! I would have worried myself into complete dysfunction if I had not just rolled her safety and well being over to God and left it with Him. Some days seemed unbearable. Others just left me in a heap of tears with aching arms to hold my daughter and my grandbaby.
We would only see her three or four times for just minutes at a time over the next 10 months. When we did see her, we were strangers. The joy of getting to see her was always met with the reality and heartbreak that she had no clue who we were! It was an agonizing pain like none I had ever known. And I was powerless to do anything about it. During those months we heard through the grapevine that we were going to be grandparents again.
On June 11, 2013 I once again stood in a delivery room as a baby boy would enter this world! He didn't want to breathe at first. I stood over him while he was in the warmer speaking life and praying complete health over him as nursery nurses were called up in case he became distressed. After what seemed like an eternity, they allowed us to hold him and felt confident he was going to be just fine.
We spent the next three weeks trying to build a relationship with our daughter and her new family. God would use this time to bring truth to light in a way that can only be accredited to Him! And on July 3 we received a phone call that we never dreamed we would receive. Our grandbabies had been left with John's parents. CPS would be coming to get them after the holiday to determine where they would be placed. The next hours were a blur as God literally lit each and every step for us to take! We learned things in minutes that I had never heard in years of a career with children! And on July 5, a judge granted us full custody of our two grandbabies. We now had 8 children in our home ages 13, 12, 8, 7, 3, 23 months, 11 months, and 3 weeks.
We intervened only to keep them safe. Our plan was for our daughter to get settled and the children return to her. From the time we found out she was pregnant, we had made it our goal to support and equip her to be a mother to her children. God would orchestrate a move half way across Texas just weeks after we gained custody of the babies. So we left all our support system and moved with 8 children, four of whom were 3 and under. It was the hardest year of my life! John and I looked at each other on more than one occasion and said, "We can't do this!" But when we would stop to pray about it, God would always take us back to how they came to be with us. There was No. Way. that could have happened outside of God orchestrating all the events just as He did. And what option did we have? If there had been any other way to keep them safe, we would have done it. But God made it clear, their place was with us. The enemy tried in so many ways to convince us we couldn't or shouldn't do it. But God was faithful to always bring us back to how they came to us, and remind us that He has a plan and a purpose for them...and that is ultimately whey they are with us. We are to raise them to be His children for His kingdom purposes!
We would learn that a third grandbaby was on his way into the world. After much prayer and consideration, we agreed that the two babies needed to stay with us in order to secure a permanent, stable home. And again, God made a way where we saw No. Way. In March 2014, relinquishment papers were signed allowing us to be free and clear to legally adopt the children ensuring that they will stay with us. And just like that my role changed from Mimi to Mommy.
It sounds so cut and dry. And I guess on legal papers, it is. But in my heart, it is anything but easy or cut and dry. I should be excited about tomorrow! And on some level I am. I am excited that legally, there will be nothing that can take these two precious ones out of my home. I am excited that there will be legal paperwork to support what I already know in my heart...they are mine. But it also is a death of a dream. A dream of getting to be Mimi to two precious children while I watched their mother, my daughter, raise them. It means realizing that they will have to wrestle one day with how and why their Mimi had to become their Mommy. There will be hard questions. There will be brokenness that will have to be healed. I always said when we started fostering that the emotions I had during the process were just unnatural. I did not know what to do with the emotions as there are no files in my brain to put them in because they are just not natural feelings. In a perfect world, there would be no need for adoption! There would be no orphans. This process has been much like that. There are just no files to sort out the emotions that come. There will be deep mourning over my daughter losing her role as mother for her children. And that breaks my heart in ways I never even knew it could break.
But as I think about last night when Ella (formerly Peighton) played on the stairs at the restaurant where we were eating, I get excited about tomorrow! Why? Because while playing on the stairs, she did a free fall about three steps up for Callie to catch her! No bid deal, you think? It is a HUGE. DEAL. It showed trust! The little girl who came to live with us was scared, confused, slept for three days straight, and cried just about non stop! But before me stood a confident, trusting, giggling little girl who just gets to be a little girl! And that makes me happy. And that makes all the sacrifices worth it!
And DJ, well you can ask anyone who knows him! He has a light in him that shines bright! And his smile can melt a heart in an instant! He is my boy!
Even as I sat down to really process things before we head to court, God showed up! I was going to look up the scriptures He had given me for Ella last year about this time. I knew they were in Isaiah but would have to do some looking to find exactly where. But as I opened my Bible to look, it opened to the exact page with the scriptures marked with her name! It was just one more encouragement from God that we are doing the right thing for them.
Today, the third time that we have scheduled court, we are FINALLY going to make this official! This Mimi is becoming their Mommy! And because EVERY adoption should be celebrated, I am going to do my best to lay aside why we are at this place and celebrate the fact that I have two more arrows in my quiver who are a blessing from God in order for me to train and equip them for their Kingdom purposes! The road has not been an easy one, but today, I lay it all down and embrace the title of Mommy with thanksgiving, excitement and joy!
Thursday, July 3, 2014
The Call that Changed our lives...one year ago
One year ago John answered a call from his dad that would set in motion a course of events that would forever change our lives. Rewind to a little less than 48 hours before the call....
We had been walking in relationship with Paizley since a few weeks before DJ was born. We were trying to preserve relationship. We still didn't agree with most of what was happening in her life, but we were trying desperately to keep relationship over anything. We had even welcomed the boyfriend who had snuck our daughter out of her window numerous times to take her from our home, the boyfriend who had been arrested for going at John physically. We knew he was a lost soul. We knew he was doing what he had known to do. We made a decision to embrace them as a family for the sake of being in our daughter and our grandchildren's lives. After receiving a phone call that had confirmed my worst fears about the actual truth of the life my daughter and thus my grandchildren were living, I had gone to meet with her. We had come to some agreements. One of which was that if the man ever laid a hand on her again, she would call me and would make a plan for a life without him in order to protect herself and her children from any further abuse.
It wasn't even 48 hours later, 3:00 am, and my phone rings. It is the boyfriend. They are in a fight. He is telling me to come get her and the children. She wouldn't leave. I do my best to insure she and the kids were safe until I could make phone calls in the morning. If it's one thing I have learned over the past 3 and a half years it's that you can only help those who are willing and ready to help themselves. After a year of communicating my concerns of the safety of my granddaughter and then my grandson also to CPS, we finally had a meeting with all parties in one room where the lies were revealed. Truly the events of those few days could never have happened if not orchestrated by God. We watched as literally the curtain was pulled back and truth was revealed in a way that even CPS could not pretend to ignore it anymore.
It has been our goal since we found out Paizley was pregnant with Peighton to equip and empower her to parent her child. We firmly believe Peighton was given to Paizley as a gift from God to grow and nurture in His ways. However, we also knew in order for that to happen there were some decision and sacrifices that had to be made on her part. There was also much emotional healing that had to occur. We prayed daily and sometimes hourly for those things to happen.
As we sat in the meeting and CPS told Paizley she could keep her babies or she could keep the man, we knew she had no where to go without the man. John left the room to make phone calls. We called two local missions. One doesn't take teens, but was willing to talk to us because of the relationship we had with the founders and the volunteers. It was decided by all that really it was not equipped to handle what Paizley needed. The other mission was well equipped and would be an amazing opportunity for learning how to be a mom, how to earn and keep a job and for healing that would be necessary to be the mom she needed to be. This is a mission that usually has a waiting list! But as God would orchestrate, they had a bed open! However, with the holiday, they would not be able to approve an application for a few days. Which ended up being a mute point because after the rules became known, she decided that wasn't the place for her. So John's parents graciously agreed to allow Paizley and the two babies to move in with them until we could find a permanent place. And in all honesty, they were contemplating allowing her to remain there long term if needed.
But then the call came. Even with everything we had been through in the last two and a half years, I never expected this call. Still, to this day, I cannot wrap my head around the news we received in the call. John's dad called to tell us that Paizley had called CPS and told them to get the babies because she was going back. She was leaving her babies to return to the man who was abusing her. Truly, I couldn't understand. I cried, I screamed, I shook my fist at God, and I begged Him for wisdom and guidance on what next. John got on the phone to CPS, had to threaten to go to the media with what we knew of the case before we could talk to the person making the decisions, but when he finally spoke to her, she informed us CPS would be seeking custody of our grandchildren as soon as they and courts opened back up after the holidays because there was no one there to do anything at 4:30 pm on July 3. She informed us that we, as grandparents, could hire an attorney and petition the court for custody. We had already been told by the original CPS worker that she would not place the grand babies in our home because we had "too many kids" and instead would place them in the home they had been in for most of the past year where they would be in no less harm than they had been the entire time....with a caretaker whom we had been told couldn't watch Peighton for three hours a day for Paizley to go to school but would now be full time care giver for a not yet 11 month and a 3 week infants.
Rewind to the night before. It was the first time since the events had happened that John and I had been alone and could really digest what the future might hold. Neither one of us could really wrap our heads around what life would look like with a 3, 2,1 and newborn along with our other 4 kids. We talked about how our family had already been hemorrhaging over all the events of the past 2 years, and had just felt like we had just now stopped the bleeding. This would most likely start the hemorrhaging again. Surely that can't be what we are to do?! We couldn't fathom the financial responsibility of two more children along with the legal fees they would bring. And on the other hand, I couldn't come close to settling in my heart that my grand children would enter the system I knew was so broken and very ill equipped to ensure their care and protection. I kept going back to the times when Paizley was pregnant, and I stood in her room saying, "This baby will not grow up the way you did. There are two ways for that to happen. You raise her in a new life or someone else raises her. Let's work toward you raising her in a new life!" I said I would never raise my grand children. I wasn't ready to be a Mimi, but I didn't want to raise them as mine either. I wanted my daughter to raise them. I wanted to invite them over for sleep overs so my daughter could have break. But that decision was out of my hands.
John hangs up the phone and tells me the news. What do we want to do? We agree to call an attorney to find out what we can do. We find one who will agree to work the 4th to draft papers to petition the court on Friday the 5th for custody. We agreed this was what God was asking us to do. We had no answers. We didn't know how it would all work. We didn't know where the $6,000 we had just been told we would need to get this done would come from. All we knew was God said, go get your babies. And we did.
My father-in-law in great wisdom talks to my daughter for the hour drive back to the abusive boyfriend. He stops before getting to the spot where she wants to be left with him. He once again asks if this is what she wants even if it means she may lose her babies. She nods and he starts up again.
An army of people stepped in at this point to provide for two children now abandoned. My in-laws spent 48 hours charged with the safety and responsibility of these two babies until we could get court papers. We went and spent the day to help them, another angel friend came over and stayed to help when we weren't there. Our friends started collecting baby items as we had gotten rid of everything feeling pretty certain we were done with babies. And on July 5, we were awarded custody by a court due to evidence of abuse and neglect. We received a very wounded not yet 11 month old and a starving 3 week old. He ate every three hours around the clock and gained much needed weight to get him back up to and beyond his birth weight. Peighton had spent her entire life in the arms of her mother. Now she didn't have her. She didn't want to be consoled. She didn't know how to be consoled. She would sit and rock with her blanket back and forth. She would scream, but wouldn't let us console. She would pull away when we tried to pick her up.
I look back on the past year, and truly, I am amazed we survived. I look back and while I know my other children had to sacrifice, I know they are better people for having walked the path. I look at them now with Peighton and DJ and see the love and nurture they give them..and are starting to get back in return and I know they understand caring for the hurt and the least of these. We have a long way to go to healing - for all of us. There are days I think we will never make it. But when I look at where we were a year ago, I can't help but be encouraged. It is in these times I have to not look at where we have yet to go, but look at where we have come from! And when I see the progress we have made, when I see the God that has carried us, I know by faith that we can make it.
So today I choose to not let it be a day of defeat. As we come up on one year of caring for 8 children in our home with four being toddlers and under...as I look at my 2 one year olds (you should NEVER be able to day that by the way :) ), I choose to keep my eyes on Him. I choose to believe that what the enemy has tried to steal from my family God will redeem! I know that we are redeeming a generation! I will not let the enemy steal what God has given to me to restore.
And as we celebrate Independence Day this year with our now 8 children, I will celebrate freedom on many levels! I thank God that Truth sets us free and when that happens, we are free indeed!
We had been walking in relationship with Paizley since a few weeks before DJ was born. We were trying to preserve relationship. We still didn't agree with most of what was happening in her life, but we were trying desperately to keep relationship over anything. We had even welcomed the boyfriend who had snuck our daughter out of her window numerous times to take her from our home, the boyfriend who had been arrested for going at John physically. We knew he was a lost soul. We knew he was doing what he had known to do. We made a decision to embrace them as a family for the sake of being in our daughter and our grandchildren's lives. After receiving a phone call that had confirmed my worst fears about the actual truth of the life my daughter and thus my grandchildren were living, I had gone to meet with her. We had come to some agreements. One of which was that if the man ever laid a hand on her again, she would call me and would make a plan for a life without him in order to protect herself and her children from any further abuse.
It wasn't even 48 hours later, 3:00 am, and my phone rings. It is the boyfriend. They are in a fight. He is telling me to come get her and the children. She wouldn't leave. I do my best to insure she and the kids were safe until I could make phone calls in the morning. If it's one thing I have learned over the past 3 and a half years it's that you can only help those who are willing and ready to help themselves. After a year of communicating my concerns of the safety of my granddaughter and then my grandson also to CPS, we finally had a meeting with all parties in one room where the lies were revealed. Truly the events of those few days could never have happened if not orchestrated by God. We watched as literally the curtain was pulled back and truth was revealed in a way that even CPS could not pretend to ignore it anymore.
It has been our goal since we found out Paizley was pregnant with Peighton to equip and empower her to parent her child. We firmly believe Peighton was given to Paizley as a gift from God to grow and nurture in His ways. However, we also knew in order for that to happen there were some decision and sacrifices that had to be made on her part. There was also much emotional healing that had to occur. We prayed daily and sometimes hourly for those things to happen.
As we sat in the meeting and CPS told Paizley she could keep her babies or she could keep the man, we knew she had no where to go without the man. John left the room to make phone calls. We called two local missions. One doesn't take teens, but was willing to talk to us because of the relationship we had with the founders and the volunteers. It was decided by all that really it was not equipped to handle what Paizley needed. The other mission was well equipped and would be an amazing opportunity for learning how to be a mom, how to earn and keep a job and for healing that would be necessary to be the mom she needed to be. This is a mission that usually has a waiting list! But as God would orchestrate, they had a bed open! However, with the holiday, they would not be able to approve an application for a few days. Which ended up being a mute point because after the rules became known, she decided that wasn't the place for her. So John's parents graciously agreed to allow Paizley and the two babies to move in with them until we could find a permanent place. And in all honesty, they were contemplating allowing her to remain there long term if needed.
But then the call came. Even with everything we had been through in the last two and a half years, I never expected this call. Still, to this day, I cannot wrap my head around the news we received in the call. John's dad called to tell us that Paizley had called CPS and told them to get the babies because she was going back. She was leaving her babies to return to the man who was abusing her. Truly, I couldn't understand. I cried, I screamed, I shook my fist at God, and I begged Him for wisdom and guidance on what next. John got on the phone to CPS, had to threaten to go to the media with what we knew of the case before we could talk to the person making the decisions, but when he finally spoke to her, she informed us CPS would be seeking custody of our grandchildren as soon as they and courts opened back up after the holidays because there was no one there to do anything at 4:30 pm on July 3. She informed us that we, as grandparents, could hire an attorney and petition the court for custody. We had already been told by the original CPS worker that she would not place the grand babies in our home because we had "too many kids" and instead would place them in the home they had been in for most of the past year where they would be in no less harm than they had been the entire time....with a caretaker whom we had been told couldn't watch Peighton for three hours a day for Paizley to go to school but would now be full time care giver for a not yet 11 month and a 3 week infants.
Rewind to the night before. It was the first time since the events had happened that John and I had been alone and could really digest what the future might hold. Neither one of us could really wrap our heads around what life would look like with a 3, 2,1 and newborn along with our other 4 kids. We talked about how our family had already been hemorrhaging over all the events of the past 2 years, and had just felt like we had just now stopped the bleeding. This would most likely start the hemorrhaging again. Surely that can't be what we are to do?! We couldn't fathom the financial responsibility of two more children along with the legal fees they would bring. And on the other hand, I couldn't come close to settling in my heart that my grand children would enter the system I knew was so broken and very ill equipped to ensure their care and protection. I kept going back to the times when Paizley was pregnant, and I stood in her room saying, "This baby will not grow up the way you did. There are two ways for that to happen. You raise her in a new life or someone else raises her. Let's work toward you raising her in a new life!" I said I would never raise my grand children. I wasn't ready to be a Mimi, but I didn't want to raise them as mine either. I wanted my daughter to raise them. I wanted to invite them over for sleep overs so my daughter could have break. But that decision was out of my hands.
John hangs up the phone and tells me the news. What do we want to do? We agree to call an attorney to find out what we can do. We find one who will agree to work the 4th to draft papers to petition the court on Friday the 5th for custody. We agreed this was what God was asking us to do. We had no answers. We didn't know how it would all work. We didn't know where the $6,000 we had just been told we would need to get this done would come from. All we knew was God said, go get your babies. And we did.
My father-in-law in great wisdom talks to my daughter for the hour drive back to the abusive boyfriend. He stops before getting to the spot where she wants to be left with him. He once again asks if this is what she wants even if it means she may lose her babies. She nods and he starts up again.
An army of people stepped in at this point to provide for two children now abandoned. My in-laws spent 48 hours charged with the safety and responsibility of these two babies until we could get court papers. We went and spent the day to help them, another angel friend came over and stayed to help when we weren't there. Our friends started collecting baby items as we had gotten rid of everything feeling pretty certain we were done with babies. And on July 5, we were awarded custody by a court due to evidence of abuse and neglect. We received a very wounded not yet 11 month old and a starving 3 week old. He ate every three hours around the clock and gained much needed weight to get him back up to and beyond his birth weight. Peighton had spent her entire life in the arms of her mother. Now she didn't have her. She didn't want to be consoled. She didn't know how to be consoled. She would sit and rock with her blanket back and forth. She would scream, but wouldn't let us console. She would pull away when we tried to pick her up.
I look back on the past year, and truly, I am amazed we survived. I look back and while I know my other children had to sacrifice, I know they are better people for having walked the path. I look at them now with Peighton and DJ and see the love and nurture they give them..and are starting to get back in return and I know they understand caring for the hurt and the least of these. We have a long way to go to healing - for all of us. There are days I think we will never make it. But when I look at where we were a year ago, I can't help but be encouraged. It is in these times I have to not look at where we have yet to go, but look at where we have come from! And when I see the progress we have made, when I see the God that has carried us, I know by faith that we can make it.
So today I choose to not let it be a day of defeat. As we come up on one year of caring for 8 children in our home with four being toddlers and under...as I look at my 2 one year olds (you should NEVER be able to day that by the way :) ), I choose to keep my eyes on Him. I choose to believe that what the enemy has tried to steal from my family God will redeem! I know that we are redeeming a generation! I will not let the enemy steal what God has given to me to restore.
And as we celebrate Independence Day this year with our now 8 children, I will celebrate freedom on many levels! I thank God that Truth sets us free and when that happens, we are free indeed!
Friday, May 23, 2014
Blessings of a Large Family
I am writing reports today for adoptions. The writing of reports is not my favorite thing I do in my job...and when I am writing for court and have to report all that brought a child into care to begin with, it gets a bit heavy. So I am taking a break and sharing some reflections on my larger-than-normal family built in some part because others before me wrote such reports!
Let me start with a confession: mothering 9 children can be overwhelming. Shocker, I know! The laundry never ends. I have to use breathing exercises while I wait for the total at Sam's reminding myself the entire time that God is my provider and He promises we will not go hungry (and we have NEVER gone hungry!). Sometimes by 5:00, my brain literally hurts from concentrating on conversations with children from 2 to 14 many of which have the word "um" in them 1,895 times. I have usually changed 4 poopy diapers by 10 am. I could go on, but you get the picture. I am not always thankful for my blessings, aka: children.
But then there are days like this. It started out as an escape from insanity! Since we have moved and I work from home, I rarely leave my four walls except to grocery shop, transport kids to/from school and go to church. That's it. On this day, I was going a little crazy, so I had the bright idea of loading the youngest four into the wagon and taking a walk to pick up the elementary school kids from school.
It was a great idea....for about 1/2 a mile. Then I remembered why I had never done this before. We finally made it...even if we were a few minutes late. But it was on the way home that the reminder came....
Let me start with a confession: mothering 9 children can be overwhelming. Shocker, I know! The laundry never ends. I have to use breathing exercises while I wait for the total at Sam's reminding myself the entire time that God is my provider and He promises we will not go hungry (and we have NEVER gone hungry!). Sometimes by 5:00, my brain literally hurts from concentrating on conversations with children from 2 to 14 many of which have the word "um" in them 1,895 times. I have usually changed 4 poopy diapers by 10 am. I could go on, but you get the picture. I am not always thankful for my blessings, aka: children.
But then there are days like this. It started out as an escape from insanity! Since we have moved and I work from home, I rarely leave my four walls except to grocery shop, transport kids to/from school and go to church. That's it. On this day, I was going a little crazy, so I had the bright idea of loading the youngest four into the wagon and taking a walk to pick up the elementary school kids from school.
It was a great idea....for about 1/2 a mile. Then I remembered why I had never done this before. We finally made it...even if we were a few minutes late. But it was on the way home that the reminder came....
I look up to see this! I had not asked her to hold his hand. She has offered it to him! He didn't have to be forced to hold her hand. He took it willingly! Because of our family size, our bigger kids have to do things their friends do not...and a lot of times that involves a younger sibling! And in all the grumbling and complaining that sometimes accompanies those tasks, a bond forms that results in moments like this! He offered to pull the wagon. He waited patiently about 28 times while one child or another decided they wanted to switch from walker to rider and back again.
And these are the moments that make my heart sing and remind my why having a large family truly is a BLESSING!
And when I look at this grin, well, even the fact that I am starting over....again...at 40....is a BLESSING! And just in case your wondering, a certain almost one year old who wants to climb out of the wagon, will be content to ride in the cargo hole of said wagon...and will even play peek-a-boo over the cargo hole door!
Sunday, May 4, 2014
A Quiver Full
Children are a heritage from the Lord,
offspring a reward from him.
4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are children born in one’s youth.
5 Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them. ~Psalm 127: 3-5
As a girl who always knew she wanted nothing more than to be a wife and mother, this scripture always intrigued me! I got the "children are a heritage from the Lord, a reward from him" part...but arrows in the hands of a warrior...and a quiver full? What is that all about? Can I be honest and say that I truly had no idea until just a couple of years ago! I am sure there are amazing teachings out there on this scripture that would have led me out of my ignorance long before now...but I never heard them.
It wasn't until I started watching my own children worship God, watching them develop their own relationship with God that I began to understand. It has been through watching my children grow in their own giftings that the light bulb went on...like arrows in the hands of a warrior....you see, my children are not mine. My children born of my body and my children born of my heart, none of them are mine. They are God's. They are His children that He has entrusted me to nurture and train for His Kingdom. I learned that lesson early in my mothering as I grieved the death of our baby we never got to hold! I learned through that sorrow that my children were given by God. They all have a kingdom purpose. My job as a mother is to guide them into that purpose.
I have failed miserably on most days. There are so many ways that I could have done a better job with that. But as my children become older, and I begin to see the Kingdom purposes unfolding in their lives, I know why God describes them as arrows in the hands of warriors. It is because we as "warriors" are training them up, lining them up with their "target" and then we "shoot them out" into the world to complete the Kingdom purpose God has had for them since the beginning of time!
I was reminded of that again today as we were worshiping in service this morning. The church we go to right now does not open their childcare until about 15 minutes into the service. We have just recently started attending this church, and I can honestly say this one fact alone nearly made me run screaming from this one! I have asked God more than once, "Are you sure this is it?", just based on this one issue. (Yes, I attend church functions for childcare...well, maybe not really, but it is a plus!) But today, I decided maybe it's not such a bad thing. I was holding Peighton as the worship service started. I open my eyes to see her with her hands lifted as high as she can get them! I look around to see who she is mimicking, not a person in my range of sight has their hands raised. But it didn't stop there! Off and on through the first song, she would clap and raise her hands. Then they started singing a song that talks about the Holy Spirit as a fire that burns deep inside of us, and they say "burn" over and over. With paci in mouth, she starts almost yelling, "BURN! BURN! BURN!" I had goosebumps all over me! Then she starts moving her hand in an outward motion in front of her in very deliberate, strong motions. And I knew....I have another arrow that I am to equip, mold, nurture, train and grow up while she is in my quiver so that at the right time, I can send her out into the world, ready and able to hit her target in God's Kingdom! I have no idea what that target is right now, but I know from what I saw today and what God spoke into my spirit that this little girl is mine because God has a specific plan and purpose for her, and He needs me to equip her for it...as is the case for all 7 other arrows still in my quiver!
I can't explain the events of the last three years. I don't know why so many things had to happen that happened! I would have written this story so much differently, and in my story, I would not be raising these two babies that are supposed to call me Mimi and not Mommy. But this I know. God has brought 9 children into our lives. He brought them here to be trained as warriors in His Kingdom. There will come a time when they will have to choose for themselves whether or not they want to fulfill the plans that God has for them or whether they want to walk away. As much as I wish I could choose for them. I can't. But I can speak Truth over and to them. I can pray God's Word over them while they sleep, as they wake and when we go about our day. I can do battle for and with them when the storms seem to be taking them over. And at the right time, I can let them go, shot out from our "bow" and watch them as they minister to a lost and lonely world who desperately needs to know the Savior that they know!
"Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them......."
offspring a reward from him.
4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are children born in one’s youth.
5 Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them. ~Psalm 127: 3-5
As a girl who always knew she wanted nothing more than to be a wife and mother, this scripture always intrigued me! I got the "children are a heritage from the Lord, a reward from him" part...but arrows in the hands of a warrior...and a quiver full? What is that all about? Can I be honest and say that I truly had no idea until just a couple of years ago! I am sure there are amazing teachings out there on this scripture that would have led me out of my ignorance long before now...but I never heard them.
It wasn't until I started watching my own children worship God, watching them develop their own relationship with God that I began to understand. It has been through watching my children grow in their own giftings that the light bulb went on...like arrows in the hands of a warrior....you see, my children are not mine. My children born of my body and my children born of my heart, none of them are mine. They are God's. They are His children that He has entrusted me to nurture and train for His Kingdom. I learned that lesson early in my mothering as I grieved the death of our baby we never got to hold! I learned through that sorrow that my children were given by God. They all have a kingdom purpose. My job as a mother is to guide them into that purpose.
I have failed miserably on most days. There are so many ways that I could have done a better job with that. But as my children become older, and I begin to see the Kingdom purposes unfolding in their lives, I know why God describes them as arrows in the hands of warriors. It is because we as "warriors" are training them up, lining them up with their "target" and then we "shoot them out" into the world to complete the Kingdom purpose God has had for them since the beginning of time!
I was reminded of that again today as we were worshiping in service this morning. The church we go to right now does not open their childcare until about 15 minutes into the service. We have just recently started attending this church, and I can honestly say this one fact alone nearly made me run screaming from this one! I have asked God more than once, "Are you sure this is it?", just based on this one issue. (Yes, I attend church functions for childcare...well, maybe not really, but it is a plus!) But today, I decided maybe it's not such a bad thing. I was holding Peighton as the worship service started. I open my eyes to see her with her hands lifted as high as she can get them! I look around to see who she is mimicking, not a person in my range of sight has their hands raised. But it didn't stop there! Off and on through the first song, she would clap and raise her hands. Then they started singing a song that talks about the Holy Spirit as a fire that burns deep inside of us, and they say "burn" over and over. With paci in mouth, she starts almost yelling, "BURN! BURN! BURN!" I had goosebumps all over me! Then she starts moving her hand in an outward motion in front of her in very deliberate, strong motions. And I knew....I have another arrow that I am to equip, mold, nurture, train and grow up while she is in my quiver so that at the right time, I can send her out into the world, ready and able to hit her target in God's Kingdom! I have no idea what that target is right now, but I know from what I saw today and what God spoke into my spirit that this little girl is mine because God has a specific plan and purpose for her, and He needs me to equip her for it...as is the case for all 7 other arrows still in my quiver!
I can't explain the events of the last three years. I don't know why so many things had to happen that happened! I would have written this story so much differently, and in my story, I would not be raising these two babies that are supposed to call me Mimi and not Mommy. But this I know. God has brought 9 children into our lives. He brought them here to be trained as warriors in His Kingdom. There will come a time when they will have to choose for themselves whether or not they want to fulfill the plans that God has for them or whether they want to walk away. As much as I wish I could choose for them. I can't. But I can speak Truth over and to them. I can pray God's Word over them while they sleep, as they wake and when we go about our day. I can do battle for and with them when the storms seem to be taking them over. And at the right time, I can let them go, shot out from our "bow" and watch them as they minister to a lost and lonely world who desperately needs to know the Savior that they know!
"Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them......."
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