The Journey: Introducing Paizley Ruth Petree

"God sets the lonely in families" ~Psalm 68:6

I am pleased to introduce to you our newest (legal) addition: Paizley Ruth Petree (standing with Judge Hatch who just ordered it to be so!)! We are official now!

We went to court today! I prayed that it would be a spiritual and loving experience, and my prayers were answered! I took the stand to testify to our intentions with Paizley. As the lawyer asked me if we understood what adopting her meant, I replied, "Yes, We want her forever." Paizley looked at me and grinned. Then in what had to be a diving move, he said, "You understand that adoption is just like if you had given birth to her by blood." These words were profound because Paizley's last foster placement had told her that "you" can't love other children like your blood. These words haunt her often. My heart smiled when the lawyer used these exact words! I sat a little taller, looked straight into Paizley's eyes across the room and choked out, "Yes, I understand and that is our desire." She smiled back through her own tears. I pray that those words and that moment in time are etched in her mind and heart forever, erasing previous words and settling in her heart forever that I love her the same as any child I gave birth to.

When it was over, Judge Hatch came down off the stand and mingled with all of us. It was just a sweet time! There really was a team of people that worked on this adoption. Even the judge commented on the thorough report done by the social worker for the case. Erin, her CPS worker was amazing! She is the reason that we could find her on TARE on October and have her in our home by the end of November! Our Buckner case worker drove all the way up to Lubbock to be there. And we are very thankful she did because she babysat all the other kids (Baby Girl being the one needing it most!) during the actual court proceedings! This is the team that worked so diligently to get us to this day!

It truly was a wonderful day! A time of refreshing and reminding me of why it is we do this thing we do, both as a family and as a professional! Yes the past six months have been hard, and we will have more hard times to come, but it - SHE is worth it! Today reminded me that placing a child in a family is worth whatever heart ache it takes to make it happen and make it last! Buckner gave us a ton of presents that all made me cry! One was a flip calendar on love. The one for today was so fitting as I read it out loud to her. It was about "choosing" love and getting rid of all escape routes in any relationship you have! Wow! Perfect timing....for her and me! And it is so true! Today was significant in that it solidified our desire to get rid of all escape routes! She is ours! Period!

Judge Hatch has a tradition of letting new adoptees pick a stuffed animal from his office. He told her he knew that she might not be as young as some, but offered it to her anyway, and of course she took him up on it! And this is what she chose! Just another reminder of the little girl who never got to be a little girl...until now! Sweet moment!

But God wasn't done with us yet! After court we went to the mall. A precious friend is doing a photo shoot with Paizley this Saturday for her sweet sixteen pictures, so she wanted to get a new outfit. Shopping is always a bit of a conflicting experience, so it was tense at times. But on our way out of the mall, I saw that the Heart Gallery (how we learned about her back in October) was set up. She had one more store she wanted to look in and while I was in there, I remembered that we hadn't received her heart gallery picture like we had been told we would. Just made a mental note to call Erin to see when we might could get that. I didn't know if she would want to look at the Heart Gallery pictures or not. Sometimes she can be very sensitive about these things and I wasn't sure what the temperature was today. I kind of headed that direction to look at just a few of them. She followed and got excited when she recognized a couple of the kids. She became sad when she showed me one young man who was in an adoptive placement in that foster home I mentioned earlier, but found out today that foster family (you know the one who told her they couldn't love another like blood) backed out on him. Her heart broke for him. If anyone is looking for a 13 year old boy who wants badly to be in a family, I have a little man for you! We continued around the pictures, and I hear her say, "It's me!" I thought she was joking! But sure enough, there she was! Her Heart Gallery picture was right there with her profile just like all the rest! Seeing my daughter's picture looking for a family was a little surreal! Then seeing her standing beside it and hearing her read the words that we read off a computer screen 7 months ago - our introduction to her - was, well, not really any words to describe it!

My favorite part? It's the little sign hanging on the top left corner - "Family Selected"! Yep, on the day we finalized, God gave me a perfect picture of His redemptive power! From a little girl smiling into a camera, dreaming - but never really believing - that someone would see that picture and choose her as their forever daughter to the beautiful young woman standing right beside it - no more piercings, I might add (a post for another day)- confident in her new found role as daughter! Just a perfect picture!

"I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you" ~John 14:18

Going to bed the blessed mom to 7 amazing children! Looking forward to the day Baby Girl's face doesn't have to be blurred and she too is legally ours! Thank you, God despite my doubts, my fears, my insecurities and my many failures as a mother, you have allowed me to call these mine! Thank you for today and the reminders of how blessed I am to be on this journey, as hard as it is, with this amazing young woman!

The Journey: SCORE!!!!

So one of the things that has been so tough with this journey for me with Paizley is that no matter what I do, it's not enough. I'm still the wicked step-mother type character. Well, yesterday I scored! We went to Lubbock to her track meet, so I had pictures from the meet. I bought a scrapbook (my first two kids have amazing scrapbooks, Toben has a few pages, Ava has a few pages, Baby Girl has a scrapbook and some pictures and...well, you get the idea!) for Paizley and put the track pictures in it. I put the scripture from 1 Corinthians about running the race as the one to gain the prize and journaled about how proud we were of her that she finished the race! Even though she didn't get first prize in the actual race, in our hearts she won first because she didn't quit! She worked hard, pressed through the tough spots and finished! Track is the first thing she can ever remember finishing when it got hard instead of quitting and running! So it was a way for me to tell her things I have a hard time expressing right now because of my own hurt and rejection in the relationship. I put it on her bed so she would find it when she got home. She came out with a huge grin on her face and gave me a big hug and told me thank you! She has never had an album before and was excited to have one of her very own.

Yes! Finally! I found at least one word in her love language! I'll take it!!!! And I'll be doing a litte more in her book today! :)

The Journey: "Mark it on the calendar!"

I shared in my last post about the struggle our latest adoption has been. Well, this weekend provided no relief, in fact it was pretty bad. To the point she said she wanted to call off the adoption. It was all drama, when we sat and talked she didn't really want to call it off, but hearing those words after all we are doing to try and reach her and love on her broke my heart and made me want to give up. But just like we told her, giving up isn't an option!

But even in the midst of the emotions of the weekend, God gave me a moment to cling to in hope! We were looking at the calendar as we turned a new month to see what all was on tap for this week and those coming. Paizley was in the kitchen where the family calendar is and she says, "Mom! Mark mother's day on the calendar! I haven't gotten to celebrate that in years because I have been in shelters the past few mother's days." That will bring tears even to a wounded momma's heart!

Makes me stop and remember what I am dealing with! I am not just dealing with a 15 year old, I am dealing with a 15 year old who has been deaply wounded. I am dealing with a 15 year old who has been tossed about time after time, discarded, rejected, the list goes on and on. I am also dealing with spiritual issues that I can't even begin to understand or explain!

As we start a new week, I am determined to focus on that one moment and put the other 100 behind me from this weekend! There is a little girl in there who wants a mother to love her and celebrate life with her! I just have to be diligent and patient to lovingly dig through the layers to connect with her!

God reminded me hour by hour how you love me and how you love her! Teach me to love her like you do! Show me how to love beyond my own hurts and forgive her as you forgive me. Show me how to model all these for her so that she too can be whole!

The Journey: The Date is Set

We have a date! Callie discovered Princess M on TARE the first of October. She came to live with us November 23, and on May 19, 2011, she will officially become Paizley Ruth Petree - in case you are follwing, YES, that is a new name! :) Naming a 15 year old has its challenges! She got tired of Isabella, so this is it! It is officially on the court papers!

Haven't blogged much about his journey lately. Haven't felt like I have much good to say, so I've done what my momma taught me and just kept quiet! It's hard! Much harder than I even thought. Harder for her, harder for me, harder for our family than what I anticipated! Just like the birth of your first child, no amount of reading, talking to people or research can really prepare you for taking in a teen that comes from a wounded past.

But one thing remains the same..I know God called us to her and her to us! I don't doubt that at all! It is what keeps me going on the good days and causes me to shake my finger at Him on the bad days. I morn my life before November 23 on many days. Things were so much simpler. I'm not sharing anything that Paizley and her dad and I haven't discussed together. There are many times she morns her life before us also. It was easier before someone had expectatons and cared she says. I can understand that on some level.

But as I tell her and we tell ourselves, God didn't call us to the easy life, He called us to the Holy and righteous life! He is refining all of us through this! I trust Him (most days) to bring beauty from these ashes....I trust on faith because sight truly just sees lots of ashes most days....and not just hers, but mine! Bringing her home has been the most fault magnifying thing I have ever done! But as a worship song says that we sing often at our church, I will beleive by faith I am who He says I am, and I will continue to try each day to learn how to be a mother to this life that God has entrusted to us!

And on May 19, it will be legal and official! Will be glad to have that day behind us and praying the impact of what it means will rock her to her core as someone has finally done what they said they would do!

The Journey: Good Bye Foster System!

I just can't seem to keep up on the blog! Sorry blog readers! But I eventually get around to posting! :)

We had an amazing Christmas! But the thing that was most amazing occurred on Christmas Eve. About 1:00 on Christmas Eve the doorbell rang with a surprise for Princess M, the 15 year old we are adopting. She was placed as foster because we wanted her here asap! That doorbell was the workers from CPS and Buckner coming to give her a great Christmas surprise! We signed papers that moved her from foster care to adoptive placement! It was just a few papers, but to her it was the world! It meant that she was no longer in the foster system! She has a home, a permanent home! We all cried!

We bought her a suitcase and left it with her when we met her so that she could have something to move her stuff here in. Little did we know it would have taken 15 suitcases to move all her stuff! But the suitcase was something God had told me to do when we first committed to her. After we signed papers, I told her to go get it. She looked at me funny and said she had things in it. I told her we would find new places for those things and to get it. While she went to get the suitcase, I went to get the utility knives. When she came back, we destroyed that suitcase! We wanted her to have a visual reminder that she is never moving again! At least not out of the family...maybe to college or her own place, but not because she has to! It was a pretty neat experience!

Princess M has said from the beginning that she wants to change her name. She doesn't just want a last name change, but a whole name change. We have let her take the lead in this as we were not opposed to her first or middle name, but kind of like the idea of changing them just as God changed many names in the Bible when they started a new life! We have had a few discussions about names since she came to us. God was gracious and provided a name that we could all agree on (it wasn't looking like that would happen for a while! A fifteen year old trying to name themselves for life can be challenging!) We had agreed on Isabella. We all like the sound of it, then when I looked up the meaning, I loved it even more! It means God's promise or God's oath! But we had yet to come up with a middle name. She had said I could pick a middle name, but I knew that was only partly true because if she didn't like it she would make that very clear! :) I had put some thought into it, but had not come up with anything. I was a little nervous the morning of the event knowing that she would want to start going by her new name, but I didn't have a middle name yet. But God, as always, provided, right no time! I was praying for her that morning and about the event that would take place. It is hugely significant for this young lady! It marks the beginning of the first day of the rest of her life. No, its not finalized, but it was huge for her that we were the first people to follow through with anything but fostering. It meant a ton to her that we would actually take that step, lose the financial benefits, etc to make her a part of our family and not just leave her as foster. It meant a ton to us because we understand the spiritual significance of adoption and what it means for her to truly be ours! As I prayed, God brought the name Ruth. I mean no offense to any Ruth's out there, but that has never been my favorite name. I like it, but its not one that I jump up and down for, you know. But I felt a definite urging that Ruth was to be her middle name. I have a name app on my phone since we are still picking baby names, so I looked it up. Immediately I knew Ruth was to be her name and I LOVED it! Wasn't sure how to convince her of it, but told God He would have to make her love it like I did! Through my tears, I read on my phone, "Ruth was the young moabite woman who said to her Hebrew mother-in-law Naomi "Where you go, there I shall go also; your people will be my people, your God, my God"." That was it! One of the biggest struggles we have had with adopting an older child is learning what she needs to pick up of us and what we need to let her keep of her old life. It has been a challenge at times for all of us! Even parts of her past she doesn't like, she wants to cling to because it is familiar and all she knows. Just like all of us! But we know without a doubt the main reason God has her in our home is because He has plans for her that require her to know our God! She needs to know the God who saves, the God who redeems, the God who loves her enough to rescue her not only from eternal damnation but from her worldly circumstances as well! My biggest fear and thus my biggest prayer since she has come is that we will not give her enough of this God in the three years we have until she can leave us to make her cling to "our God" the way she needs to in order to live her life for Him! So it was settled...her name would be Ruth, and my prayer would be that she will say as the Ruth of the Bible did - "My people are your people and my God your God!"

I just love that I serve a God who is not some big guy out there somewhere! He is so personal that He named my daughter! He is so personal that He speaks to us about any and everything, no matter how tiny we think it may be! Thank you, God!

Oh, and when I told her the story behing Ruth, she loved it just as much as I did and she has told all her friends where it came from! I love hearing her tell them! She lights up when she says it means she has a new beginning! She is so awesome!

We still can't show pictures, will be posting many in about 4 months when the adoption is consummated, but we can now use her name since it is changed! Our oldest daughter is Isabella Ruth Petree, Izzy to her friends! And she is even more beautiful and amazing than her name!

A Chance for Some Kids!

We are having our second annual Tour of Homes for Addy's Hope this Saturday. We are using the funds this year to provide foster family scholarships if they need a little extra $$ to get things like fire extinguishers, smoke detectors, etc. to finish the foster license process. We have an extreme shortage in our area of foster families. Right now 60% of our kids have to leave the region. That is just in sane! So we are doing this to try to help bring that number down.

One of the things we are doing this year since we are focusing on state kids is we will have the heart gallery in the homes. Each home will have a picture of a child who is available for adoption and waiting for a forever family! They delivered the pictures this afternoon! I haven't had a chance to look at all of them, but the few I have, well, they break my heart! I see Princess M in each one of them. The stories she has told, the way she thinks life is for everyone, NO CHILD SHOULD EVER FEEL THIS WAY! These kids need families!

This is the first time these kids' pictures have been viewed! They are brand new! It is so exciting!

Will you pray with me? Will you pray that these kids will find their forever families THIS WEEKEND?! God can do it! He can send whomever He has picked for them to the home their picture is at and let their eyes pierce the heart of the mom and dad that are supposed to bring them home!

I found a letter I had written Princess M the day I resolved that she was ours and there was no turning back....the day I trusted God with this journey and agreed to let go of my fears and walk in faith! Brings tears to my eyes every time I think about "what if" I hadn't done that? What if I had let my fears and doubts in my abilities and strength get the best of me? She has only been here a little over a week, and I can't imagine not having her here! She has my heart....all of it! Yes, there have been some hard spots. Yes, it is exhausting having a teen girl and all the emotions and drama that go with that...but SHE. IS. WORTH. EVERY. EXHAUSTING. SECOND!

Pray with me! I will get all the pictures out and list the names and ages of the kids. If I can find them on TARE, I will post the links so you can read about who you are praying for! I'm excited! And if you live in the are and need tickets to the tour, let me know! Saturday, Dec 4th from 6-9 - Eight homes! All sizes and shapes including Lofts on Main! Great way to spend a Saturday evening and you will be helping a great cause at the same time! And if you are local and have a blog, would you help us spread the word?! You can buy tickets at the houses, so no pre-purchase is necessary! Last minute tourers are welcome! :)

My Monday

Ok, I should be in bed, but, well, that is how my day has gone!

For my blog readers who aren't my friends on Facebook, let me just apologize for my lack of updates! Life has been quite insane at the P-tree house! Yes, we met Princess M! I described it like living in a Hallmark movie...all the way down to John asking her what she wanted for Christmas and her response being, "I already got it" and me in my not so stellar moment asking, "What?!" and her shy reply, "A family!" I did hold it together and not burst into tears right there at Olive Garden! But there were so many moments like that! I will cherish those first moments with her forever!

We did get the foster placement approved, so last Tuesday, Princess M came to live with us forever! Praise God! The last week has been a dream come true! I hopefully will have time to share more in detail later, but let me just say,

WE
ARE
BLESSED!!!!

She is an amazing young lady! After all she has been through, well, she just amazes me! Yes, I know, for those of you who have been there done this, we are in the "honeymoon" phase! But you know what, I am going to enjoy every second of it! And I will tuck each of these amazing moments in the back of my mind so IF the challenges come, I will remember this and keep walking with her! I am not going to ruin the good time looking for the bad! It never came with Toben! He never had the "other shoe fall" so to speak, so I am not going to look for it with her either. We are realistic. We know what we can be facing, and IF it comes, we will face it! We have already had a couple of hiccups, but they went amazingly well and God provided wisdom and comfort for all of us! I will trust Him to do the same with any future hiccups!

Now, back to my Monday!

Addy's Hope is doing a tour of homes to raise money for foster families. We have an amazing friend named Leigh-Anne who sets up our publicity for the event. We were in one paper Sunday and another this morning. Now, the stage is set!

So my Monday really began at 12:00 am...I was still up! I was rocking a baby who didn't want to go to sleep and talking to a teen who wanted to share her heart! After I got the baby down, the teen and I snuggled under a blanket on the couch enjoying some one on one time! It was an amazing time, but that meant I didn't get to bed until after 1 am...have I mentioned I am pregnant? The nausea this pregnancy has been almost debilitating! A mother of 7 really does not have time for nausea...and lack of sleep tends to aggravate it! But I wouldn't have missed my time with Princess M for anything, so I prayed that God would replace my sleep and set my alarm for a mere 4 and a half hours later. Didn't have to do that because before mentioned baby was awake again before the alarm was allowed to wake me!

That was the start.

So of course, I'm running late and working on less than full brain power! Have to be at a birth mom visit by 10 with a full day scheduled after that. The agency phone rings. I answer it. First mistake of many today!

The voice on the other end introduces himself as a pastor of a local church and proceeds to tell me he wants to visit with me about a quote in the paper. The article is not up on line yet, but here is the quote: “We have too many churches in Midland-Odessa to have kids living in orphanages,” HollyAnn Petree said. “I don’t think people know there’s a need and that it’s as drastic as it is.” He proceeds to tell me that he doesn't appreciate me saying that churches need to do more because they are already being asked to pay for hotel rooms and electric bills and all this takes money and parishioners are not giving more. I'm still not totally understanding where he is going, so I just proceed with my jolly attitude and tell him that he is in luck because that is the purpose of the tour of homes is to help offset the initial cost for foster families so that money is not an obstacle! He said he understood that but that he is tired of churches being asked by the government and everyone else to do more. I shared our testimony how we continued our work in Liberia after adoptions shut down for 18 months only because God supplied. I told him I would be more than happy to come talk to his congregation if he liked. I would issue them the challenge if he felt he had already asked them to give more than he should. He still wasn't happy. I then told him I would encourage him to go visit our local emergency shelter where 20-25 children under the age of five call "home" and look in their eyes and then we could continue this conversation. I don't remember all his comebacks. I just remember telling him that he must not read the same gospel I do because James 1:27 clearly states that we are to care for the orphans and widows in their distress and as long as 60% of our kids are having to be sent out of region and we have children in an emergency shelter, the local Body of Christ is not doing enough! He then talked about how they just couldn't do anymore and I should not be making such statements. I then told him I couldn't believe that a pastor of all people was attacking me for restating a challenge to the Body of Christ that was clear in scripture. He took great offense that I thought it was an attack (not sure what else you call it when he won't listen to anything I have to say!) He then went on to say that it was just not possible for the church to meet all these needs. I once again told him we must be studying different Bibles because mine says ALL things are possible for God....at that he said, I've had enough, good-bye and HUNG UP ON ME! My immediate reaction was anger, but very shortly it turned to heartbreak! Heartbreak that a man who calls himself a Christian and is LEADING a group of Christians would have such unBiblical character and thinking! I could go on and on about that...but I must get to the rest of my day!

I proceed to take Baby Girl to her visit with Princess M going with me as the plan was to register her for school this afternoon so she would be ready to start fresh tomorrow morning. The school she will go to wears uniforms, so we left today to finish getting what she needed for her uniform and school.

Then went to my parents for a short break before heading back to pick up Baby Girl. Was told when I picked her up that she had been put on one of the children's size picnic tables, left unattended and fell off head first. That would explain the bright red whelp on her forehead! I'll save my remarks about that for another day!

Went back to mom and dads to inhale a bite of lunch before heading off to my first "real" dr appointment of this pregnancy. They said it would take awhile, but I didn't know it would take ALL afternoon! I really didn't wait a long time for any part of it, they just put me through the ringer! I got there at 1:00 and left at 3:45. In that time frame, I had to decide what hospital to have the baby at, whether I would do a repeat c-section or try vaginal (although after two c-sections, they really don't give you much of an option - again a topic for another post!), what to do about some medication I am taking, and all without my husband! That alone nearly put me in tears...have I mentioned that it still has not sunk in that I am having a baby?! Really! I'm too busy to have a baby!

So if all that wasn't heavy enough, every other comment was about my "advanced maternal age"! By the time I left, I was thinking I needed to be rolled out in a wheelchair! It's nuts! I'm only four years older than that last time I gave birth, but you would think I am knocking on deaths door by the way they talk about you when you are 36 (but they go by 37 because that is how old I'll be when the baby arrives) and having a baby! I don't usually feel old, but today, well, call me Granny, I guess!

In the course of my appointment I find out that they are doing a glucose test (I am only 9 weeks, but due to my age and all :) they do one now AND later!). So I immediately know that I am not going to make it back to the house by 3 for the visit from our Buckner worker. I also worry if I will make it to the TV interview I am supposed to do at 4....did I mention I didn't know about the TV interview when I got ready this morning?????? Nough said!!! Just one more way God has reminded me that It. Is. Not. About. Me.

I would love to call these people to let them know, but Ava has played her counting game on my phone and it has died!

I realize that they are going to do a sono, so I go to the waiting room and get Princess M who I left in the waiting room happy as a lark with her new phone texting away! But thought she would want to see the baby...which she did. So she came back and I used her phone to call John to tell him to call all the other people.

Then we went into the sono room. As I told Princess M, if you didn't feel like family before, you should now! Nothing like bonding over a gyno exam! Geeze!!! Anyway, we finally got to the sono, and I was amazed! My last sono was only a little over two weeks ago. We saw two circles with a little flitter in one. When the image popped up this time, there was a baby waiving at me and kicking his two little legs as fast as he could! I gasped out loud! Needless to say, that was the highlight of my day! I couldn't believe it! There is a baby inside of me! I know that sounds crazy, but really, I don't sit and dwell on it like I did with the other two pregnancies! I don't have time! So to see that life, kicking and waving, well, there are no words!

I would love to share the picture of "Our Little It" as Princess M now lovingly refers to the baby, but as has been par for my day, the disc is presently no where to be found. Upon its recovery, I will share with you!

We finally leave the doctors appointment. I speed to my parents to pick up the babies and Ava who have caused all kinds of havoc for my parents whose house is on the tour this weekend. I'm apologizing and feel horrible that they had the kids for so long! We load up and head to McDonald's because Princess M is having a french fry craving...amazing how everyone but me is having cravings around here! SO we sit in the mall parking lot eating our french fries waiting for John to come switch cars and take these four children home to meet the other three who are pretty well angry that they had to walk home because I was thirty minutes away when they got out of school (we only live a few blocks from the school and Callie has a cell phone!). Oh, let me explain, we are sitting in the mall parking lot because the tv station that I am about to do the interview with is in the mall! Yes, I said "in the mall"! Only in West Texas does that happen!

So let's recap the day: get up late, don't wash my hair, do a "day 2 do", put on as little make up as possible to get out the door as fast as possible and haven't been home since. And now, right after a gyno appointment, I am interviewed for tv! Vanity has never been a huge issue for me, but today was even a little much for me! None the less, I did the interview and I pray that people will hear the message and buy tickets so that we can get more and more foster homes for these kids! And if the "Church" is doing too much Mr. Terry at Memorial Christian Church, then I guess the WORLD will have to take up the slack?! Give me a break!!!!

So that was my day! Oh, I did forget to mention that at the end of the doctor visit, they gave me the bill for our part of the baby! That caused a mild - ok, I'm fibbing, a major panic attack about the financial part of another baby!

So right now, at 1 am on this last day of November, I listen to one of my seven snoring like a freight train, another one cooing in her sleep, and know the others are resting peacefully. Across the house, my poor husband who I know is probably just as overwhelmed with it all as I am sleeps. I sit here. I know that each of these lives is a blessing. I know without a doubt that God has called us to each and everything that we are doing, but I feel totally and completely overwhelmed! Overwhelmed that He would trust me with this much. Overwhelmed with the battles that I know we will fight each and every day for the children under our roof and those God is calling us to be the voice for who don't have a roof! I feel totally and completely unqualified and honestly a complete failure at the majority of what He has called me to do.

But those are all feelings! I will go to sleep now. I will rest and pray that God replaces the sleep I have once again lost as I needed time to just process it all. I will wake up again in the morning and start my day by digging into the Word for the Truth! I will not walk based on feelings! I will walk by faith and not by sight! I will trust the One who already gave His Son for me! I will not look a Savior in the face who after being beaten and spit upon and called names that crushed him STILL went to the cross for me and say, "I've had enough. I quit." I will not do it! Mr. Pastor, I challenge you to the same! Whatever your church is doing, I challenge you to do more! I may have 7 children under my roof, but as long as there is a child who did not get tucked into bed tonight by her mommy or daddy, I. AM. NOT. DOING. ENOUGH! As long as there is a widow who is cold tonight because she has no heat, I. AM. NOT. DOING. ENOUGH! It was a command, not a suggestion! And God says that I can do greater things than even John the Baptist who was the greatest at that time! I may feel overwhelmed, but the truth: I have overcome by the Blood of the Lamb! Bring it on Tuesday! I'm ready for ya!!!!

Meeting Princess M!

Today is the day! I can't believe it! In just a few short hours I will get to give that sweet girl a big bear hug!

John keeps asking me if I am nervous. Not. At. All! How awesome is that? What a faithful God we serve! You know from my original posts that this whole journey was me sitting back on my hind legs like a mule trying to be led! But when I finally started walking with God, He replaced every fear and doubt I had with excitement and love! Only He can do that!

God has also planted little ideas in my head as the weeks have passed. Can you believe it has only been weeks since we started this?! Another God thing! We bought Princess M a necklace that is a heart and says, "I Chose You". It was important to me that I leave something tangible with her when we left her after the visit to remind her that she is coming to our family and that we are thinking about her constantly as we wait for her to come permanently! God also reminded me of a book I have. Actually this is why I started calling her Princess M on the public forums where I can't use her real name. I bought a book a couple of years ago called "His Princess: Love Letters from Your King". It is a book of scripture based "letters" that God might write to us as His precious daughters. I want her to read how precious she is! I want her to be able to hear that until I am with her again to tell her! She is a Christian! How cool is that? She already has a passion for God and His ways. But from what we have been told it is a very legalistic "God will get you" view of God. This is our first step in teaching her of her loving Heavenly Father that is NOTHING like her earthly fathers who have rejected her.

The final thing we have done is what I am most excited about! Totally a God planted idea as I would never have come up with this on my own! We bought a suitcase. She will use the suitcase to come visit us next week for Thanksgiving, then to move her stuff here permanently when we get the ok! THEN....we are going to have a demolishing party and destroy that sucker!!! She will not have a need for a suitcase anymore because there will be no more moving from this family! I can't wait for that party!!!!

We will meet her about 4:00 today. Less than 12 hours! We have amazing friends and family who are keeping our children while we go on this journey today. When you can farm out 6 kids, you know you have amazing support in your life and people who are walking with you!!! THANK YOU!!!!

I have had so many thoughts as I have played out that first meeting. Meeting a 15 year old child is definitely different than meeting your newborn or 3 year old child! I want to be cool and hip! :) I don't want her to immediately think, "Holy, Cow! What am I getting into?!" They have told me she is into fashion....great! What do I wear?! Especially since the pregnancy hips have set in and my pants are already not fitting!

How do we introduce ourselves? Seems a little awkward to say, "Hello! I am your mother and this is your daddy!" I think we will just introduce ourselves as John and HollyAnn and tell her she can call us John and HollyAnn, Mom and Dad, Mother and Daddy, whatever she feels comfortable calling us....but assure her I will be calling her daughter!

What will we do for the time we have her? Watch a movie??? Well, that doesn't allow time to get to know each other. We have to go shopping at least a little for something for her to wear for our family picture next weekend. Maybe some games....we will have the hotel room for tonight and tomorrow morning. Lubbock has nice parks, so if the weather is nice, we could go to the park. We will just have to play it by ear..all I know is I want to soak in everything about her in the time I am with her! I am already mourning the 15 years I haven't had her! But through all the conversations I have had with the people in her life right now, the hand of God in her life, preparing her to be a part of our specific family, is so evident! And for that I am eternally grateful!

Please pray for her as she prepares to meet us. Pray that she can do her best to let us in after all she has been through. Pray for us that we have the right words and actions that speak love and security to her! Also, please pray that the placement director approves her placement with us as a foster to adopt placement. This has changed after she expressed a desire last week to stay with us after Thanksgiving and not go back. There have been some other developments with her foster home, and everyone feels that would be best. She was originally going to be placed with us as an adoptive placement, but that means all the adoption paperwork has to be completed...which hasn't even been started, I don't think! This way, she will be with us while the paperwork is being done. A MUCH better plan in this momma's eyes! If not, we know God is in control and she will be here when He is ready for her to be! Total peace! Amazing peace! I've never had this sort of peace with any of our other adoptions. Maybe I've actually matured a bit over these years! (she says with a wink!) One thing I do know is that God is teaching me to trust again! I can't say I am totally there, but I am well on my way!

I'll let you know how it goes! Before I leave, let me just say, if you have ever considered adopting through the state, don't consider it anymore, DO IT! There are a few kids short of 6,000 in Texas who are ready for adoption right now! That is just Texas! That does not include the other 49 states! These kids need us....these kids need God! Come on Body of Christ! We must take action! As someone who struggled through saying yes, I can assure you, He will calm all your fears and replace them with joy unspeakable....IF you will let Him!

Here we go! Let the journey begin.....

Princess M

Just an update on the adoption process of Princess M, the 15 year old we are adopting from the Texas CPS system. I have no talked to her social worker several times, her CASA worker as well as her counselor. Each time I talk to another person in her life, God brings more peace and more excitement! We are so excited about November 19 when we will get to meet her for the first time! All my anxiety is gone, and I just can't wait to give her a great big bear hug!

We have already gotten to know her through these ladies just a bit! Like one shared that she was nervous when she first heard we had picked a meeting date because she was so afraid that after we met her, we would not want her. If that doesn't break your heart, you don't have one! We have sent pictures of us so that she can get an idea of who we are...it's really hard to pick 6 or 8 pictures that show all family members and give a representation of who you are! I am sure I way over analyzed it (I have a habit of doing that, you know), but I sent a good variety that showed us, our home and hopefully a little of our quirky personality!

God has already started giving me tangible things to prepare for her. I bought a necklace that says, "I Chose You" stamped over and over on a heart with a disk with her name on it attached to the necklace. I wanted to give her something to leave with her and be a constant reminder that we are praying for her and waiting anxiously for her to come live with us permanently! God also said to go buy a suitcase. We will give it to her when we meet so she can pack her things in it to come visit us the week of Thanksgiving, then again when she moves for good! After she moves for good, we will have a suitcase demolition since she will no longer need a suitcase to move her belongings! Just a symbol that she is here to stay, no matter what! We believe in that fully! We know we are in uncharted watter for us and that there will be some really big waves at times, but we believe with all we are that when God places a child in our family, they are here to stay. PERIOD. Disruption is like Divorce...NOT. AN. OPTION. I want her to know that in every way possible so that she can just enjoy having a family!

The more I have heard about her, the more I rest in the fact that God hand-selected her for our family. Like I tell all my kids, I don't know why they weren't all born from my womb! I don't understand why God chooses adoption to place some kid in families and some he chooses birth. I know it has a whole lot to do with the fact that we live in a fallen world and nothing is as God intended when He created it! I also know that God's ways are not my ways and there is really no reason to try to figure out the "why"!

The 19th is coming fast! It will be here before we know it! But even so, it can't get here fast enough! I am ready to meat my daughter!!!

Double Whamy!

When God moves, He moves! I have been talking about a journey John and I have been on. After telling our families, I can share it with all of you! God placed a 15 year old girl who is relinquished and ready for adoption, but remains in the foster system because there was no family on our hearts! Callie found her! Callie fell in love with her. Callie is 10. She doesn't make the decisions for our family, but part of this journey has been God showing me that when He says come to him as a little child, He means it. Callie didn't analyze bringing a 15 year old into our home like John and I did. She just knew a girl needed a familyand she wanted a big sister and therefore it made sense that we provide this child a family. God has showed me that the unquestioning love that Callie looked at this situation with with are the same eyes He wants me to look at this with....and trust! Trust Him!



Long story short (althought this process has FLOWN compared to most matched adoptions), John and I will go to where Princess M lives on Nov 19 to meet her. We will spend the night and Satuday with her. Then we will go get her on Tuesday and bring her back home with us to spend Thanksgiving week! If she thinks she can handle our crazy family, then she will come to live with us as a part of our family sometime between Thanksgiving and Christmas.



Although, as you know from my previous posts, I have had some struggles in this journey, I can say without a doubt that I know 100% that this is God's plan! And more than that, I am sooooo excited! God has spoken to me directly and given tangible, real life wisdom through this process like none before.



To say that I have no fears or concerns about parenting a 15 year old whom I will meet for the first time in three weeks would be a lie. But with each fear comes a new opportunity to trust God! And the fact of the matter is, Princess M is worth it! She is worth whatever trials we have in order to make her a part of our family! God has redeemed her situation and we are just the ones who are blessed to be the agents by which He is doing it!



But that is NOT all! I said when God move, He moves!



I went to the doctor this week because many of my symptoms from before that had me run many tests were back with a vengance. The fatigue and foggy thinking were worse and were interfering with life. Well, turns out here is a really good reason for them this time!

Yep! I'm pregnant! Just to save you the questions: NO!!!!! We were NOT trying! Yes, I was on birth control! This just confirms my belief that GOD and ONLY GOD ordains life! He says when it will be breathed into being! No pill or or any other "thing" will stop God when He wants a life to begin. I know that is a huge controversy, and I don't mean to stir it up here, but I LOVE that this life was planned and ordained by GOD and we can honestly way we had nothing to do with it...well, almost nothing! ;-)

Exciting times at the P-trees! Trusting God to take care of all He has called us to do! He is definitly stretching us, BUT he has already provided in miraculous ways just this weekend! So blessed to serve such a faithful and loving God!