I am one of "THEM"!

I haven't been much of a blogger lately.  It has not been for lack of material to blog, just lack of time to blog it.  But I am hoping to change that.

The last two years have been quite the season.  I don't think I would go so far as to call it a dark night of the soul, but to say it has been a season of pruning and stretching doesn't quite pay homage to the depth of work God has done in my life.  I hope you will see in the posts to come that God has radically change my life through the course of these past 18-24 months.

This quote by Bill Johnson in When Heaven Invades Earth probably best sums up my journey: "It's important to understand God's promise and purpose for the Church so that we might become dissatisfied - so that we will become desperate. Intercession from insatiable hunger moves the heart of God as nothing else can." Over the past 15 years, God has taken me to places that I was quite sure I was at the end of myself.  However, if those places were the end of myself, then this past season left myself in the dust and took me to the end of a place I didn't even know existed!  But in that place I became desperate for God in a way I have never been.  And God was true to His word: when we seek Him we will find Him!

So often in this past season I found myself desperately clinging to the promises of the Bible while trying to line up my circumstances and reality with what the scriptures said.  To put it bluntly, they didn't mesh!  So my search began for why they didn't!  What I found has changed me forever.  What I found showed me that while I survived this season, I lived most days in defeat with bloody wounds where I had allowed the enemy access he should have never had.  I did the best I could with that I knew then.  I have some regrets, but I have no condemnation or "I shoulda's" because I truly lived this season on my face begging for wisdom, direction, mercy and grace.  There are a few things I can look back on and wish I had handled a different way, but I also remember the despair and weariness of those times....words that demonstrate even more the defeat I lived in many days.

I am walking out of this season with revelations about God - not head knowledge about who God is said to be, but heart experience about who He is to me!  There is a difference!  We have a new kitchen which is a blog post for another time...part of that remodel is an amazing pantry, and on that pantry floor is Psalm:8, "Taste and see that the Lord is good." I don't know that I purposely set out to "taste" in this season, but walking out of it, I can testify that I have tasted, and indeed the Lord is good!   Yes, my family was turned upside down and inside out.  Yes, my ministry and calling on my life has been tested and attacked.  Yes, I have a daughter who is not a part of my life right now.  Yes, I have a grand baby who has no idea who MiMi is.  Yes, I have another grand baby coming into this world in June who I may or may not get to hold in my arms.  Yes, my identity has been turned upside down as defined by stay-at-home mom.  But there is not a path that I have walked the past months that I would not walk again.  Could I head down some of the paths if I knew what they would hold, no.  That is why it's called faith! If it was sight, I would surely have turned around or fainted from fear at what was coming up.  Do I wish some of the paths had taken different turns, absolutely!  But the paths on this journey have brought me to a place of desperation for intimacy with God like no other time in my life.  And for that, I am eternally thankful!

It will take awhile for me to get it all out here, but I will write as God leads.  It's part of my instruction for 2013 - share what God has taught me and walk in obedience!  But what you  need to know about me is now I am one of "them"!  I have been radically touched by a living God.  I have experienced His presence like never before in my life...and once you have experienced Him, there is no turning back!  Holy Roller, Charismatic, Jesus Freak, Radical, Weird, Over the top, what ever the title used to describe one who is totally and completely sold out to Jesus with no box to keep Him in and only the expectation of new revelation and a desire to bring honor and glory to God like never before, well that's me.  We have a saying at our house right now, "The weirder, the better!" - not for "weird" sake, but for the purpose of experiencing God in life changing ways that allow us to then touch others in life changing ways.  

Before you right me off and quit reading because I have left theology for "feelings", let me leave you with a couple of thoughts that when put together should challenge any American Christian - "Unless I do the works of the Father, do not believe me." John 10:37 NKJV And in the words of Bill Johnson, "Jesus gave people the right to disbelieve it all if there was no demonstration of power upon His ministry.  I hunger for the day when the Church will make the same statement to the world. If we're not doing the miracles that Jesus did, you don't have to believe us." And before you discount him, let me leave you with this final word - "Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes in me will also do the works that I do; and greater works than these he will do, because I am going to the Father." John 14:12

Challenge: based on this standard, who would believe you?  And if you are not using this standard, why not?  

Check back!  Let me share where I was....it was a long trip to this place!  Don't discount it yet.  Hear me out.  All of us who have accepted Christ as our Savior have the authority and power to walk each day in victory here on earth....we don't have to wait until we die and go to heave...Your Kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven! And that's my prayer for each of you!

My least favorite day of the year!

I am always so thankful for November 1! It means that I have one whole year before I have to deal with Halloween again.

I know that Halloween had "religious" beginnings, but it is my firm belief that those have been altered by the world. I had some misgivings about Halloween early on in my life. But it wasn't until I was in college that my convictions became solidified to the point that I stand firm in my belief that for us, this is not a holiday to be acknowledged.

I was working with a youth group at my home church when I was attending college. One Halloween for the youth meeting, the your minister invited the local Police Chief to our meeting to share about what he sees at Halloween. What he shared made an impact on me that even 15 years later stands firm in my mind. I didn't live in the best part of my college town, but I had a wonderful little house and even better neighbors that watched out for me. But just three blocks from me, by a park was an abandoned office building. What the Police Chief shared was that on Halloween every year, there were blood sacrifices performed by the Satan worshipers. The place where the sacrifice was performed was marked with the blood to show what had occured there. That building had a sacrifice in it the year before....it was marked with human blood! This means that a person was killed there as a sacrifice to the enemy.

God used that testimony to show me that I don't understand all that happens in the spiritual realm, but that there is a battle that is not of flesh and blood but between the spiritual forces of evil in this dark world and the Angels sent to fight on our behalf from the Heavenly places. For someone who grew up in a very traditional home where spiritual warfare wasn't ever a topic of conversation, this was a pretty amazing realization.

I went home after that meeting and threw away all my Halloween decorations. I had never had anything scary anyway...just cute little ghosts and witches that I thought were harmless. They probably were, but for something so real, I didn't want to even leave a crack in the door for the enemy to enter my home.

This conviction carried over to my children. I have never allowed them to participate in Halloween. When John was a principal, they would dress up and go to the fall festivals, but even now I regret that. My kids don't understand. They think I am a horrible mom for denying them this "right" to dress up and trick or treat. But this is just the beginning of me having to takea stand with my kids that might not be popular. And frankly, being popular is not what God has called me to as a parent. As they get older, they have a little more understanding of my belief and conviction, but it is still a battle every year of why I don't let them dress up and get candy. It seems so innocent to them.

So just one more ways that I am a Jesus Freak! I think responses from people on this are very interesting...I do not sit in judgement of people who participate in Halloween...I just wish I could get the same from them. This is a personal conviction that God laid on my heart. I don't pass that long to anyone else, but for me to not abstain would be in direct disobedience to God. I don't make a big deal of it, and in fact don't say anything unless someone asks what we are doing for Halloween or what my kids are going to be. Then I just say, we don't participate in Halloween. That is when the attacks usually come! Sometimes, I do wonder, are they attacking me because there is some truth that rings in their Spirit that brings conviction that they don't want to hear??? But regardless, once again, this year, there are no costumes or candy at the Petree house! We will be going ot our church for a petting zoo, chili cookoff and hot dog party! I am excited about that! Every other year, we have gone to Toys R Us and made our Christmas lists for family! (great idea if you need something to do tonight! There is NO ONE at Toys R Us on Halloween night!).

Less than 24 hours now until this will be behind me for one more year! Then there will just be something else for people to judge me on because of my radical convictions! :)

I want to see the miracles!

I have felt since June that God has me on the top of a snowy hill sitting in a sled toppling back and forth, but not yet racing full speed ahead down the hill with all the thrill and anticipation and even a little fear that it would bring. You know, like the Grinch when he is on the hill about to race down to Whoville?

I have no idea what the "thing" is that will push me over the edge! But I think it is close! We have had friends in the past say that we are addrenaline junkies and go from one crisis to the next to avoid our issues. At first, I embraced that and tried to make sure we stopped. But lately, I am realizing that we are not adrenaline junikes, we are God junkies! And for that, I will not be ashamed!

I had the most intimate time with God I have ever had this past summer! I have seen more miracles in the past 6 months and seen the visible hand of God more than I have in my entire life....and I love it! I have tasted and seen that He is good, and I can't get enough! You see, those crisis as our friends saw them were the risks God called us to take in order to walk by faith. Can you walk by faith and not be on the edge? Isn't that what faith is? Being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you cannot see?! Yes we adopted a baby boy when our marriage was on the rocks....that was 7 years ago and we are still married! What if we had let our marriage issues keep us from adopting him because things weren't "just right" for us to do it? We would have missed out on more than I can even imagine! What if we had not bought a house that hadn't been lived in for over 8 years in a town with NO resale value? We wouldn't have started the adoption of the girls had we not moved because our current house was too small..we wouldn't have had the money to move here when we needed if we hadn't had the huge blessing of an unbelievable profit in that town with NO resale value, what if I had quit the agency when things were so tuff they took the very life out of me and my family instead of pesevering and "shoring up the stakes"? I would have missed a trip to Liberia that saw God move in mighty ways across a government that had been allowed to stop adoptions! No it is not adrenaline I seek, but a life fully sold out, no reservations for God!

I realized that this week as I heard God call us to the next faith walk! It is big! I am not ready to share it here yet, but stay tuned! As I got up from my quiet times this weekend, I was energized in a way I haven't been before...and through maturity of the last few years, I was energized not just for the "big thing", but for the daily tasks that need to happen to make sure my family is cared for, my home is running smoothly, etc while I wait for the "thing" that pushes us over the edge of that hill to run full speed ahead after God.

See, I firmly believe that the end time is drawing near. I am no Biblical scholar, and I have no real "proof" to base that on. It is just something I feel in my Spirit. We have to do more....people are dieing to know the hope that we have! I believe God is seeking people who will worship in Spirit and in truth...not just on Sunday when the music is playing, but Monday through Saturday too when life is rolling. I believe He wants to show His glory! I believe He is looking for people willing to walk outside the box, take the risks, let the faith walk take them over the hill so that He can show miracle after miracle! I believe that the dead can still be raised! Have I seen it, no! But God says in His Word that He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow! Yesterday He did it, so that means He can to it today and tomorrow also!

As I sit with people and talk, really listen more than talk, I am realzing that I am more and more of a Jesus Freak with each passing day! My mind has truly been transformed. Ifind that people around me don't understand me, and I really don't understand them. I see the things that people around me are chasing after, and I have no interest in them. I am not saying that I am above them, please do not hear me say that! I am just different. I find the most difference to be among "Christians". I really don't 'get' most of them. God has done a work in me that has taken me to a place that I never dreamed or imagined. I still have my worldly battles..food, wanting a bigger/nicer house (even though the one He has blessed me with is more than I ever truly believed I would have), wanting to be able to buy the latest fashions for me and the kids, wanted sculptured nails to look like everyone else, etc, etc... But for the most part, I am finding I want to seek God more than I want to chase after these things and I am just trying to find the balance. But for me to not share with the people who are seeking in some way the knowledge I have and the hope that I have would be the biggest mistake and the biggest waste of my experiences I can think of!

So I have stopped worrying about being different and gladly wear the title Jesus Freak! Yes, it causes much frustration at times...many times...because people do not understand me! But that is ok! One day, every knee will bow and every tongue will confess...and I want to be on the front row!

So stay tuned....I believe in miracles, and I expect big ones in my life over the next months! I believe there is a movement in the body for just this thing! I have many friends across the cyber world who understand what I am saying exactly...so if you are in the same place, leave a comment with your blog address! Tell us about your miracles or the journey God has you on that you know will end in a miracle! Let's encourage one another in this walk we are on! I can't wait to see what God has in store, can you?

Me, the Freak!

I remember a time when I thought the song "Jesus Freak" was just hard rock. But now, it seems to be my theme song. I have written before about how I feel like an alien in this place we call home. Yet even more today than when I wrote that, I feel like a freak because of my beliefs.

We have been at a family reunion this weekend. It was interesting to say the least. One cousin I had not seen since our wedding almost 11 years ago. She walked up and I instantly saw a beautiful young woman. Now I know that doesn't sound like s strange statement, but she was not what I would normally think of as beautiful. She had long earrings that looked somewhat like chains and hung down to her shoulders. She was in sort of "earthy" clothing and had a tattoo on the top of her foot...along with one on her arm. But as I visited with this cousin, I realized why I found her beautiful, she loves the Lord with her whole heart! She has a countenance about her that makes her beautiful! That tattoo on the top of her foot is the same scripture I named my blog after. So that got me to thinking why someone that the old me would have seen as a little freaky is now so beautiful. And I didn't have to go far to figure it out.

You see, I feel much like her in many ways. I have found myself listening more and more to the "edgy" music. I don't know that it is because I "enjoy" it more, but it seems that not only is the music edgy, but the lyrics reflect lives that are lived on the edge. The lyrics aren't just about a wonderful God that makes our lives warm and cozy (while He can do that, and I love the songs that speak of His wonderful attributes), but they are about a life that is gut wrenching, that takes you to your breaking point just because you follow God in a way that people, even Christians, just don't understand.

So how did "Miss Prim and Proper in the Church Every Time the Doors are Open" become a punk rocker? Well, I think this is how.....

My faith that calls me to adopt children who don't look like me is my green hair.

My obedience to a God that asks me to go to Africa and meet a daughter I didn't get to bring home, but in the end still know I followed God in pursuing is my Mohawk.

My expectation of myself to live a life above reproach (even if that means offending even family members who choose a different life style) is the ring in my nose.

My four children whom I can't afford but have because God told us to bring home number four is the tattoo on my right arm.

My resolve to move to a small West Texas town because I know God has kingdom work for us is the ring making great big holes in my ear lobes.

My hearing God say to buy a house that has set empty for eight years and looks condemned in a tiny town that has NO real estate value is my black lip stick.

My obedience to put my dream home on the market after living in it for less than a year because God says it is time to move is the bar piercing my tongue.

My walk of faith to open an adoption ministry when I know nothing about how to do that is my combat boots.

My love that requires me to confront a friend walking in open rebellion to God is my chain around my hip.

You see, I may still look like Miss "Prim and Proper in the Church Every Time the Doors are Open" on the outside, but I am finding that as people get to know me, they look at me with the same horror because of my convictions as they would someone walking down the street with the physical attributes I described. I am just as much a freak to my family and my friends, who profess to be Christians, as someone who dresses in such a way. But the difference between the old me and the new me is that I am no longer apologizing for being the punk rocker! There is a dying world out there! There are too many hurting people who need Who I have to play the churchy games! Radical times mean radical measures! God is calling me more and more to the lost world! I hear the cries of lost people grow louder and louder. I can't ignore them! I must be more like Jesus every day so that these people crying out in agony because they are lost can see Him in me! I must look more like Him tomorrow than I did today and that means looking less like the world...even the world that goes to church! I want to be used radically by God to reach the lost and dying world! I have a feeling that there will be less and less of Miss Prim and Proper! God is calling me more and more to a place where I have to make a choice: His way or the world's way? Will I follow Him no matter the cost, will I follow Him into more isolation, will I follow Him when no ones "gets" it, or will I walk away? I have to choose to follow Him! There are people counting on me to be Jesus to them! God help me if I choose to be prim and proper over getting into the messy lives of people in need of a Savior! My view of beauty is changing! God is piercing my heart for a lost world......and maybe my nose along with it!