So today was not a Hallmark movie day at the Petree house! In fact, more than once, I found myself at the end of my rope. I quit at least twice today! We are in a really rough phase with two of our kiddos from hard places. I heard at a conference last year the term "specialized parenting" to describe how you have to parent children with a history of abuse or trauma. I thought of that several times today and wondered if God realized He gave these precious ones in need of specialized parenting a pretty ordinary mother who was thinking she really can't supply all they need. So many times peole tell me, "I could never do what you do"....well, I have news for you, today, I couldn't do it either!
You see, the only way I do what I do is through total surrender! Maybe you aren't suppose to parent 9 children with four of them being 4 years apart in age. But if God asked you to do it, you could do it...through surrender! Because I can't do it either...without surrender!
Having just finished the Christmas season, there were many times the thought, "if....." came into my mind. "If we didn't have 8 children at home we could...." "If we didn't have four kids who are four and under we could..." If we didn't have so many children who require specialized parenting that wears. me. out we could..... Now I know these thoughts are from the enemy and on a good day, I take them captive and shut them down before they ever take root! But on a bad day, when things have been particularly rough, I venture down that rabbit trail just a bit in my mind.
The truth is, at any point that John and I said yes to any of the children in our home, both the adopted ones and "unplanned" biological ones, we could have said no. We could have said to God, taking in a fifth child will cost us too much. We are going to stay comfortable with our four and no more. We could have said losing two from failed adoption and death is enough, we will stay content with our three. We could have said our children have suffered enough over the past year, we are not adding a newborn and 11 month old to our family so that the healing scab is ripped off and the hemorrhaging starts again. We could have told God, I can't do that. And honestly, in a couple of instances, I did. However, He would continue to speak and ask me to surrender comfort, fears, expectations, my view of a "perfect life". And in a matter of time, I would come to a place of total surrender where my true desire was to do that which He was calling me to do!
You see, when we look at people and say, "I can't do that". Maybe what we are saying is, I couldn't surrender that much. Just minutes ago, friends of mine said goodbye to their baby boy. I look at their pictures and think, "I couldn't do that!" But that baby boy and his story reached 100,000 people in the month he was on this earth. His last post included the gospel with an invitation for those who don't know Jesus to meet Him! That my friends, is faith and trust! That is surrender!
What is God asking you to do that you look at and say, "I can't do that!" Is it staying in a loveless marriage? Is it adopting a teenager from the foster system? Is it leaving a lifelong career to follow a dream He gave you years ago? Is it walking away from a friendship that is toxic? If you're answer to a decision you are wrestling with is, "I can't do that!" Then perhaps you need to revisit it and ask, "What am I not willing to surrender to do that?" You see, God asks us to give it ALL to Him! That means my "right" to have a comfortable life because we worked hard to get here. That means my right to use the bathroon without fingers under the door or "MOM!" being yelled from three different places for the 45.6 seconds I am in there! Sure my life would be easier in so many ways with less children. But I also know that every one of these children were placed here by God! And I am thankful that I didn't stop to count the cost at the moment He asked me to accept them as mine....and I am even more thankful that He didn't stop to count the cost when He sent his very own Son to the cross for me! So what do you need to surrender to turn your "can't" into a "can"?
Showing posts with label growing in Christ. Show all posts
Showing posts with label growing in Christ. Show all posts
Sunday, January 4, 2015
Monday, April 8, 2013
Prophecy: A Nuclear Weapon
I am reading an amazing book right now called Spirit Wars by Kris Vallotton, a pastor at Bethel in Redding, CA. You have heard me mention this church before as it is playing a vital role in my spiritual growth in this season.
The past five weeks have been rough. I went from working 20-30 hours a week to working 60 hours a week. For the first time in my mom career, I am working full time plus. I started a new exercise program that has me at my workout at 5:30 which means getting up at 4. I confess, that 4 wake up only happened a couple of times, which meant my quiet times didn't happen. You don't maintain a relationship without feeding it! The longer I went without my extended quiet times, the more despair crept in! I could feel it, I went through my weapons of warfare, but couldn't shake it...until Sunday.
Kris says this:
"Prophecy is like a nuclear weapon in the hands of a believer. It is important that we embrace the kind of prophetic culture that calls out our destiny and reminds us of God's work in our lives. If we despise, reject or do not believe in prophecy, we play into the enemy's hands by laying down a vitally important weapon of our warfare."
Amen! My breakthrough came through a prophetic word delivered by our Pastor this weekend! I have never sat under a pastor like Jeremy, my current pastor. He is "pastor" in every sense of the word. He is not perfect as no one is perfect, but he is an anointed pastor and understands like no one I have ever met what it means to shepherd his flock! Several times since we started going to LifeHouse, Jeremy has come to us and said, when I was praying for you, God said..... This weekend was one of those times. He had been at a conference this week and had spent time praying for his flock. There were a couple of families whom God spoke to him about directly, and we were one of them. He called us up during church yesterday and spoke the Word over us and prayed for us.
If you have never seen someone operate in the prophetic, you may not fully understand what I am talking about here. Let me challenge you to find a church where the gifts are practiced and watch when the prophetic ministry occurs. Ask God to reveal the prophetic ministry to you. Romans 12, 1 Corinthians 12 and Ephesians 4 all talk about prophecy as a spiritual gift. Remember, I was not a believer in the spiritual gifts even five years ago. However, God placed me in battles that required all He had for me to fight with or I would have lost! Prophecy is one of those weapons! And this weekend it sliced through the doubt, the guilt, the frustration, the anger with God when no other weapon in my arsenal had seemed to make a dent.
The Word Jeremy spoke was exactly what John and I are facing. It was basically that we are carrying a "wide load" and that it is taking longer than we thought because we are having to take back roads, but if we keep moving forward and pressing on, there will be a great "payday" when we get there. That doesn't necessarily mean financial, but just that we must run the race as one who wants the price as Paul said it.
I wish I could describe what happened inside of me as Jeremy spoke. But I can't really put it to words other than to say it encouraged me! It showed me that God had heard my cries and had given someone with flesh and blood a way to encourage me in my state of confusion and frustration! It silenced the voices that even then I knew were the enemy taunting me.
Prophecy is such a vital tool in the life of anyone who is engaged in a life sold out for Christ! It is the encouragement to keep running the race because when people who know nothing about your circumstances speak exactly what is happening and then tell you the outcome, you have the strength, the courage and the authority to keep moving until you see that outcome to fruition! Read Joshua 1:6-9 and see how God encouraged Joshua for the road he was about to walk. That is how prophecy works in today's world.
I was reminded yesterday of what God told me when we were struggling with leaving our former church. Let me stop here and say I am in no way putting down or former church, in fact, without the teaching and training we received at that Body, I would not be in the place to receive what happened yesterday! I was a huge skeptic of all supernatural things when we fist started attending our former church. God used the amazing teachers there to bring me to the place where I could receive what my current church has to offer. Our former church had a man who was part of the church affiliation that Body belonged to. He would come a few times a year. It was amazing to see him operate in the prophetic. He was the first person I ever saw do that, and it was inspiring, encouraging, intriguing....I could go on and on. He (even though he was only there a few times a year and had no idea who I was!) was one of the reasons I wrestled with God over moving churches. God had placed it on our hearts to leave, but I kept wanting to return to what was comfortable. During one of my wrestling matches with God over leaving the church, I reminded him of this man who brought great encouragement to me (even though I never received a direct prophecy from him...ever!). God's answer was very straightforward: "Do you want a man who prophesies or a congregation who prophesies?" I thought of that yesterday and I had to laugh! Since attending Lifehouse, I have had numerous Words of encouragement and prophecy spoken over me. And they always came at the moment when I wasn't sure which direction to turn or when I wasn't sure I could last one more day in my current circumstances. Then the Word would come and put the circumstances in the perspective they belonged, and the joy returns!
If you are not familiar with prophecy, do some research! Dig into the Word! Ask God to reveal His Truth about it...and then find a church that allows the gifts to be used! If you have questions, I may not have the answer, but I will put you in touch with some amazing people who do or I can give you a list or resources that have been helpful to me as I wrestled through my traditional thinking that caused me to doubt what was fairly clear in scripture. And if you are in the Midland area, come check out Lifehouse Fellowship! It's not a perfect church, but it is a church where the Spirit moves and is allowed to dictate the order of the service! I will have to tell you more about the service yesterday another time! It was amazing! Or come check it out for yourself this Wednesday at 7 - come at 6:30 if you want pizza before service!
The past five weeks have been rough. I went from working 20-30 hours a week to working 60 hours a week. For the first time in my mom career, I am working full time plus. I started a new exercise program that has me at my workout at 5:30 which means getting up at 4. I confess, that 4 wake up only happened a couple of times, which meant my quiet times didn't happen. You don't maintain a relationship without feeding it! The longer I went without my extended quiet times, the more despair crept in! I could feel it, I went through my weapons of warfare, but couldn't shake it...until Sunday.
Kris says this:
"Prophecy is like a nuclear weapon in the hands of a believer. It is important that we embrace the kind of prophetic culture that calls out our destiny and reminds us of God's work in our lives. If we despise, reject or do not believe in prophecy, we play into the enemy's hands by laying down a vitally important weapon of our warfare."
Amen! My breakthrough came through a prophetic word delivered by our Pastor this weekend! I have never sat under a pastor like Jeremy, my current pastor. He is "pastor" in every sense of the word. He is not perfect as no one is perfect, but he is an anointed pastor and understands like no one I have ever met what it means to shepherd his flock! Several times since we started going to LifeHouse, Jeremy has come to us and said, when I was praying for you, God said..... This weekend was one of those times. He had been at a conference this week and had spent time praying for his flock. There were a couple of families whom God spoke to him about directly, and we were one of them. He called us up during church yesterday and spoke the Word over us and prayed for us.
If you have never seen someone operate in the prophetic, you may not fully understand what I am talking about here. Let me challenge you to find a church where the gifts are practiced and watch when the prophetic ministry occurs. Ask God to reveal the prophetic ministry to you. Romans 12, 1 Corinthians 12 and Ephesians 4 all talk about prophecy as a spiritual gift. Remember, I was not a believer in the spiritual gifts even five years ago. However, God placed me in battles that required all He had for me to fight with or I would have lost! Prophecy is one of those weapons! And this weekend it sliced through the doubt, the guilt, the frustration, the anger with God when no other weapon in my arsenal had seemed to make a dent.
The Word Jeremy spoke was exactly what John and I are facing. It was basically that we are carrying a "wide load" and that it is taking longer than we thought because we are having to take back roads, but if we keep moving forward and pressing on, there will be a great "payday" when we get there. That doesn't necessarily mean financial, but just that we must run the race as one who wants the price as Paul said it.
I wish I could describe what happened inside of me as Jeremy spoke. But I can't really put it to words other than to say it encouraged me! It showed me that God had heard my cries and had given someone with flesh and blood a way to encourage me in my state of confusion and frustration! It silenced the voices that even then I knew were the enemy taunting me.
Prophecy is such a vital tool in the life of anyone who is engaged in a life sold out for Christ! It is the encouragement to keep running the race because when people who know nothing about your circumstances speak exactly what is happening and then tell you the outcome, you have the strength, the courage and the authority to keep moving until you see that outcome to fruition! Read Joshua 1:6-9 and see how God encouraged Joshua for the road he was about to walk. That is how prophecy works in today's world.
I was reminded yesterday of what God told me when we were struggling with leaving our former church. Let me stop here and say I am in no way putting down or former church, in fact, without the teaching and training we received at that Body, I would not be in the place to receive what happened yesterday! I was a huge skeptic of all supernatural things when we fist started attending our former church. God used the amazing teachers there to bring me to the place where I could receive what my current church has to offer. Our former church had a man who was part of the church affiliation that Body belonged to. He would come a few times a year. It was amazing to see him operate in the prophetic. He was the first person I ever saw do that, and it was inspiring, encouraging, intriguing....I could go on and on. He (even though he was only there a few times a year and had no idea who I was!) was one of the reasons I wrestled with God over moving churches. God had placed it on our hearts to leave, but I kept wanting to return to what was comfortable. During one of my wrestling matches with God over leaving the church, I reminded him of this man who brought great encouragement to me (even though I never received a direct prophecy from him...ever!). God's answer was very straightforward: "Do you want a man who prophesies or a congregation who prophesies?" I thought of that yesterday and I had to laugh! Since attending Lifehouse, I have had numerous Words of encouragement and prophecy spoken over me. And they always came at the moment when I wasn't sure which direction to turn or when I wasn't sure I could last one more day in my current circumstances. Then the Word would come and put the circumstances in the perspective they belonged, and the joy returns!
If you are not familiar with prophecy, do some research! Dig into the Word! Ask God to reveal His Truth about it...and then find a church that allows the gifts to be used! If you have questions, I may not have the answer, but I will put you in touch with some amazing people who do or I can give you a list or resources that have been helpful to me as I wrestled through my traditional thinking that caused me to doubt what was fairly clear in scripture. And if you are in the Midland area, come check out Lifehouse Fellowship! It's not a perfect church, but it is a church where the Spirit moves and is allowed to dictate the order of the service! I will have to tell you more about the service yesterday another time! It was amazing! Or come check it out for yourself this Wednesday at 7 - come at 6:30 if you want pizza before service!
Friday, February 1, 2013
Is it worth the wedge?
So I am away from the family for the weekend! Not just a fun trip, although anytime my husband graciously takes over the healm and allows me to get away, it's fun...and relaxing...and a blessing! However, this is a trip with a mission! I am picking up writing the book I started earlier this year on the spiritual battle of adoption. I am in an amazing home thanks to our friends Susan and Arnold Nall who have an empty house this weekend! At this moment I am sitting on a fabulour orange "couch" - pretty sure that is NOT what you call it - while I type away. I feel so pampered!
I had a five hour drive to get here. That means five quiet, nobody screaming "mommy!", no fighting, no needs hours! I had my phone loaded with praise music and podcasts! It was a little piece of heaven on earth!
As I drove and worshiped and prayed, God brought up a sin that I have struggled with for years. I am a sinner, I know that full well! I don't want this to come off like this is my "only" sin. I know that I sin every day, but as a mature believer, I should not have deliberate sin. Meaning, I shouldn't start to do something, hear the voice of God tell me not to do it, or just know already it is wrong, and do it anyway. That is what I call deliberate, or willful sin. This sin that God brought to mind was a willful sin. But God didn't bring it up to condemn (there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, Romans 8:1). He brought it up to make me aware that the struggle over that sin is gone. It is a sin that was a stronghold. I had received deliverance before from the stronghold that resulted in this sin. But I slipped back into the sin....lots of reasons why that I am not going to go into here. But what God revealed to me today is that the sin is no longer a struggle becuase I know that when I took part in that action, it caused a separation between me and God (2 Corinthians 11:3, But I am afraid that as the serpent deceived Eve by his cunning, your thoughts will be led astray from a sincere and pure devotion to Christ). Not a separation where I lost my salvation! I don't earn my salvation, I can't lose it by sinning. Goodness, then we all would lose our salvation every day! That's not the separation I mean. It's a loss of intimacy with God. When John and I have a fight over something, there is a wedge between us. We are still married, but the conflict between us makes it difficult to express our feelings to each other. All analogies break down on some level, and I know God's love for us is constant and never changing, but when I am taking part in willful sin, I cannot have a sincere and pure devotion to Christ thus preventing the level of intimacy I can enjoy when I am walking in the light and not participting in deliberate sin! God showed me that the reason my struggle over this sin is gone is becuase the level of intimacy I have with God in this season of my life is not worth risking for the temporary gratification of the sin!
Now, you may be going, "duh?!" But here was the kicker for me. I realized in that moment that obvilously my relationship with God, from my perspective, before was worth sacrificing for the immediate gratification of the sin.
It left me with this very interesting question: If we are not affected by the wedge sin puts between us and God, then is our relationship with God as intimate as we might think it is?
Just some food for thought.....
I had a five hour drive to get here. That means five quiet, nobody screaming "mommy!", no fighting, no needs hours! I had my phone loaded with praise music and podcasts! It was a little piece of heaven on earth!
As I drove and worshiped and prayed, God brought up a sin that I have struggled with for years. I am a sinner, I know that full well! I don't want this to come off like this is my "only" sin. I know that I sin every day, but as a mature believer, I should not have deliberate sin. Meaning, I shouldn't start to do something, hear the voice of God tell me not to do it, or just know already it is wrong, and do it anyway. That is what I call deliberate, or willful sin. This sin that God brought to mind was a willful sin. But God didn't bring it up to condemn (there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, Romans 8:1). He brought it up to make me aware that the struggle over that sin is gone. It is a sin that was a stronghold. I had received deliverance before from the stronghold that resulted in this sin. But I slipped back into the sin....lots of reasons why that I am not going to go into here. But what God revealed to me today is that the sin is no longer a struggle becuase I know that when I took part in that action, it caused a separation between me and God (2 Corinthians 11:3, But I am afraid that as the serpent deceived Eve by his cunning, your thoughts will be led astray from a sincere and pure devotion to Christ). Not a separation where I lost my salvation! I don't earn my salvation, I can't lose it by sinning. Goodness, then we all would lose our salvation every day! That's not the separation I mean. It's a loss of intimacy with God. When John and I have a fight over something, there is a wedge between us. We are still married, but the conflict between us makes it difficult to express our feelings to each other. All analogies break down on some level, and I know God's love for us is constant and never changing, but when I am taking part in willful sin, I cannot have a sincere and pure devotion to Christ thus preventing the level of intimacy I can enjoy when I am walking in the light and not participting in deliberate sin! God showed me that the reason my struggle over this sin is gone is becuase the level of intimacy I have with God in this season of my life is not worth risking for the temporary gratification of the sin!
Now, you may be going, "duh?!" But here was the kicker for me. I realized in that moment that obvilously my relationship with God, from my perspective, before was worth sacrificing for the immediate gratification of the sin.
It left me with this very interesting question: If we are not affected by the wedge sin puts between us and God, then is our relationship with God as intimate as we might think it is?
Just some food for thought.....
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
I am one of "THEM"!
I haven't been much of a blogger lately. It has not been for lack of material to blog, just lack of time to blog it. But I am hoping to change that.
The last two years have been quite the season. I don't think I would go so far as to call it a dark night of the soul, but to say it has been a season of pruning and stretching doesn't quite pay homage to the depth of work God has done in my life. I hope you will see in the posts to come that God has radically change my life through the course of these past 18-24 months.
This quote by Bill Johnson in When Heaven Invades Earth probably best sums up my journey: "It's important to understand God's promise and purpose for the Church so that we might become dissatisfied - so that we will become desperate. Intercession from insatiable hunger moves the heart of God as nothing else can." Over the past 15 years, God has taken me to places that I was quite sure I was at the end of myself. However, if those places were the end of myself, then this past season left myself in the dust and took me to the end of a place I didn't even know existed! But in that place I became desperate for God in a way I have never been. And God was true to His word: when we seek Him we will find Him!
So often in this past season I found myself desperately clinging to the promises of the Bible while trying to line up my circumstances and reality with what the scriptures said. To put it bluntly, they didn't mesh! So my search began for why they didn't! What I found has changed me forever. What I found showed me that while I survived this season, I lived most days in defeat with bloody wounds where I had allowed the enemy access he should have never had. I did the best I could with that I knew then. I have some regrets, but I have no condemnation or "I shoulda's" because I truly lived this season on my face begging for wisdom, direction, mercy and grace. There are a few things I can look back on and wish I had handled a different way, but I also remember the despair and weariness of those times....words that demonstrate even more the defeat I lived in many days.
I am walking out of this season with revelations about God - not head knowledge about who God is said to be, but heart experience about who He is to me! There is a difference! We have a new kitchen which is a blog post for another time...part of that remodel is an amazing pantry, and on that pantry floor is Psalm:8, "Taste and see that the Lord is good." I don't know that I purposely set out to "taste" in this season, but walking out of it, I can testify that I have tasted, and indeed the Lord is good! Yes, my family was turned upside down and inside out. Yes, my ministry and calling on my life has been tested and attacked. Yes, I have a daughter who is not a part of my life right now. Yes, I have a grand baby who has no idea who MiMi is. Yes, I have another grand baby coming into this world in June who I may or may not get to hold in my arms. Yes, my identity has been turned upside down as defined by stay-at-home mom. But there is not a path that I have walked the past months that I would not walk again. Could I head down some of the paths if I knew what they would hold, no. That is why it's called faith! If it was sight, I would surely have turned around or fainted from fear at what was coming up. Do I wish some of the paths had taken different turns, absolutely! But the paths on this journey have brought me to a place of desperation for intimacy with God like no other time in my life. And for that, I am eternally thankful!
It will take awhile for me to get it all out here, but I will write as God leads. It's part of my instruction for 2013 - share what God has taught me and walk in obedience! But what you need to know about me is now I am one of "them"! I have been radically touched by a living God. I have experienced His presence like never before in my life...and once you have experienced Him, there is no turning back! Holy Roller, Charismatic, Jesus Freak, Radical, Weird, Over the top, what ever the title used to describe one who is totally and completely sold out to Jesus with no box to keep Him in and only the expectation of new revelation and a desire to bring honor and glory to God like never before, well that's me. We have a saying at our house right now, "The weirder, the better!" - not for "weird" sake, but for the purpose of experiencing God in life changing ways that allow us to then touch others in life changing ways.
Before you right me off and quit reading because I have left theology for "feelings", let me leave you with a couple of thoughts that when put together should challenge any American Christian - "Unless I do the works of the Father, do not believe me." John 10:37 NKJV And in the words of Bill Johnson, "Jesus gave people the right to disbelieve it all if there was no demonstration of power upon His ministry. I hunger for the day when the Church will make the same statement to the world. If we're not doing the miracles that Jesus did, you don't have to believe us." And before you discount him, let me leave you with this final word - "Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes in me will also do the works that I do; and greater works than these he will do, because I am going to the Father." John 14:12
Challenge: based on this standard, who would believe you? And if you are not using this standard, why not?
Check back! Let me share where I was....it was a long trip to this place! Don't discount it yet. Hear me out. All of us who have accepted Christ as our Savior have the authority and power to walk each day in victory here on earth....we don't have to wait until we die and go to heave...Your Kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven! And that's my prayer for each of you!
The last two years have been quite the season. I don't think I would go so far as to call it a dark night of the soul, but to say it has been a season of pruning and stretching doesn't quite pay homage to the depth of work God has done in my life. I hope you will see in the posts to come that God has radically change my life through the course of these past 18-24 months.
This quote by Bill Johnson in When Heaven Invades Earth probably best sums up my journey: "It's important to understand God's promise and purpose for the Church so that we might become dissatisfied - so that we will become desperate. Intercession from insatiable hunger moves the heart of God as nothing else can." Over the past 15 years, God has taken me to places that I was quite sure I was at the end of myself. However, if those places were the end of myself, then this past season left myself in the dust and took me to the end of a place I didn't even know existed! But in that place I became desperate for God in a way I have never been. And God was true to His word: when we seek Him we will find Him!
So often in this past season I found myself desperately clinging to the promises of the Bible while trying to line up my circumstances and reality with what the scriptures said. To put it bluntly, they didn't mesh! So my search began for why they didn't! What I found has changed me forever. What I found showed me that while I survived this season, I lived most days in defeat with bloody wounds where I had allowed the enemy access he should have never had. I did the best I could with that I knew then. I have some regrets, but I have no condemnation or "I shoulda's" because I truly lived this season on my face begging for wisdom, direction, mercy and grace. There are a few things I can look back on and wish I had handled a different way, but I also remember the despair and weariness of those times....words that demonstrate even more the defeat I lived in many days.
I am walking out of this season with revelations about God - not head knowledge about who God is said to be, but heart experience about who He is to me! There is a difference! We have a new kitchen which is a blog post for another time...part of that remodel is an amazing pantry, and on that pantry floor is Psalm:8, "Taste and see that the Lord is good." I don't know that I purposely set out to "taste" in this season, but walking out of it, I can testify that I have tasted, and indeed the Lord is good! Yes, my family was turned upside down and inside out. Yes, my ministry and calling on my life has been tested and attacked. Yes, I have a daughter who is not a part of my life right now. Yes, I have a grand baby who has no idea who MiMi is. Yes, I have another grand baby coming into this world in June who I may or may not get to hold in my arms. Yes, my identity has been turned upside down as defined by stay-at-home mom. But there is not a path that I have walked the past months that I would not walk again. Could I head down some of the paths if I knew what they would hold, no. That is why it's called faith! If it was sight, I would surely have turned around or fainted from fear at what was coming up. Do I wish some of the paths had taken different turns, absolutely! But the paths on this journey have brought me to a place of desperation for intimacy with God like no other time in my life. And for that, I am eternally thankful!
It will take awhile for me to get it all out here, but I will write as God leads. It's part of my instruction for 2013 - share what God has taught me and walk in obedience! But what you need to know about me is now I am one of "them"! I have been radically touched by a living God. I have experienced His presence like never before in my life...and once you have experienced Him, there is no turning back! Holy Roller, Charismatic, Jesus Freak, Radical, Weird, Over the top, what ever the title used to describe one who is totally and completely sold out to Jesus with no box to keep Him in and only the expectation of new revelation and a desire to bring honor and glory to God like never before, well that's me. We have a saying at our house right now, "The weirder, the better!" - not for "weird" sake, but for the purpose of experiencing God in life changing ways that allow us to then touch others in life changing ways.
Before you right me off and quit reading because I have left theology for "feelings", let me leave you with a couple of thoughts that when put together should challenge any American Christian - "Unless I do the works of the Father, do not believe me." John 10:37 NKJV And in the words of Bill Johnson, "Jesus gave people the right to disbelieve it all if there was no demonstration of power upon His ministry. I hunger for the day when the Church will make the same statement to the world. If we're not doing the miracles that Jesus did, you don't have to believe us." And before you discount him, let me leave you with this final word - "Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes in me will also do the works that I do; and greater works than these he will do, because I am going to the Father." John 14:12
Challenge: based on this standard, who would believe you? And if you are not using this standard, why not?
Check back! Let me share where I was....it was a long trip to this place! Don't discount it yet. Hear me out. All of us who have accepted Christ as our Savior have the authority and power to walk each day in victory here on earth....we don't have to wait until we die and go to heave...Your Kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven! And that's my prayer for each of you!
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Laying Down!
So my last post (well last one before the PINK news!) was about picking my life up. I made a conscious decision to lay it back down. This morning both of my devotions were on joy in the midst of trial. I am rejoicing as I read them because yesterday, I experienced that in a way I may never have, because I chose to lay my life down at the feet of my Savior!
Yesterday I dealt with some of the most difficult issues I have ever faced in my life while running a home with 7 children solo and meeting deadlines to get three home studies completed, two of which are on time lines that could mean life or death for the children. I don't say all that to toot my horn, believe me! If anything I have learned over the course of the last 10 years it is that I. AM. NOTHING. without Christ! The days I don't lay it down and let Him drive this car are they days I crash and burn.
But yesterday, I made a conscious decision to lay my life down several times during the day. Going back to scripture when I needed to in order to refocus, in order to not become overwhelmed by the circumstance and situations around me. And you know what? IT. WORKED.
I could read those devotions this morning praising God for the tough things in my life right now. I understand what James means when he writes, "consider it wholly joyful, my brethren, whenever you are enveloped in or encounter trials of any sort of fall into various temptations. Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience." James 1:2-3 AMP I used to read that and wonder what in the world that guy was smoking when he wrote that...and whatever it was, I wanted some!
Well, I've found what he was "smoking"! It was JESUS! And I got me some...and on the days I focus on that, I am able to walk in that same joy and peace...precious peace..regardless of what is swirling around me!
Oswald Chambers says it this way, "Paul says this is the reason we are more than conquerors in all these things, super-victors, with a joy we would not have but for the things which look as if they are going to overwhelm us...tribulation, distress, persecution, produce in us the super-joy; they are not things to fight. We are more than conquerors through Him in all these things, not in spite of them, but in the midst of them. The experiences of life, terrible or monotonous impotent to touch the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." ~Our Utmost for His Highest for March 7. And Sarah Young puts it beautifully in Jesus Calling on her entry for March 7 ~ "Let me help you through this day. The challenges you face are far too great for you to handle alone. You are keenly aware of your helplessness in the scheme of events you face. This awareness opens up a choice: to doggedly go it alone or to walk with Me in humble steps of dependence...So, consider it all joy whenever you are enveloped in various trials. These are gifts from Me, reminding you to rely on Me alone."
God, thank you for my trials! Thank you that they push me further into You and into the depths of who You are! Thank you for walking with me through them. Thank you Holy Spirit for whispering in my ear the words to say, the truths of situations that counteract what the enemy would have me believe. Thank you, oh thank you God, for your peace that passes all understanding so that while the waves are swirling around me, I can stand on top of the water, eyes focused on you and be calm and peaceful. Thank you for allowing me to walk this path. Forgive me for the times I don't see You in it or ask that this cup be taken from me. I ask for you to remind me today when I need to refocus so that what is around the bend ahead of me that only You can see doesn't take me off guard. Thank you for loving me enough to be an ever present God...not just a God of eternity, but a God right now! I love you and am honored to be your daughter! In Jesus name, AMEN!
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Trusting Obedience
Sunday during church, our pastor took us to Hebrews 5:7-8. I have started using my app on my phone for my Bible during church. It was set to The Message version. So when I looked up this scripture, this is what it said, " Though he was God's Son, he learned trusting-obedience by what he suffered, just as we do." Wow! God's own son had to suffer (this was talking about when He prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane for any other way to save us than for Him to go to the cross) in order to learn fully, trusting obedience! And then it goes on to say, we learn the same way! It was one of those times that you know God has just spoken directly to your heart over a struggle you have had for a LONG time! It is the answer to the past seven years! It is the answer to Eden not coming home, it is the answer to Liberia, it is the answer to a pregnant teen daughter. Through all these "sufferings" I have learned to trust God more (it may have taken me a few years to get there at times) and I have learned obedience...and when you put trusting obedience together, it means I have learned to obey when the picture doesn't look all warm and cozy as a result of that obedience.
Then this morning as I continue to meditate on this and what it means for my life, God encouraged me again with verse 9 in the NASB, "and having been made perfect, He became to all those who obey Him the source of eternal salvation." Because Jesus obeyed and went to the cross, he was made perfect - equipped - to be the eternal salvation God needed Him to be - that I needed Him to be! God reminded me that if I don't mature and grow, I will not be equipped for the work He has for me...and that will affect not only me but all those around me now and all those in my future that God intends for me to impact with my gifts and abilities...and the same is true for you!
I haven't blogged a lot about the Paizley's pregnancy because for one, I don't have much time to blog these days, but for another, my thoughts usually aren't bog worthy! I'm still sorting through all the emotions and flesh. But I have my God moments where I handle it in a mature way. And those moments are becoming more frequent...Praise God! Paizley and I had one of those moments this past week. We were both crying over what the pregnancy means for her...mourning the things that she has lost because of it. But even in our weeping and mourning, God gave me a realization and I shared it with Paizley. God spoke to John just a few days after we found out she was pregnant and told him that this baby would save her life. At the time my thought was, "it may save hers, but its gonna kill me!" Nice, warm cozy thought for a mom, huh?! Paizley was in a place before the pregnancy where she really wasn't open to a lot of things we were telling her. Much like many teens, but with her past, it magnified a lot of the "normal" teen struggles. The pregnancy has saved her life in a very real way. It has made her more open to the things we were trying to tell her about life. So as hard as this pregnancy is, I am thankful. And these scriptures sums up why I am thankful! I am thankful because I would rather be holding my pregnant teen daughter wondering how we will make it through this than waking up every morning not knowing where my daughter is and wondering if she is safe or lonely or hungry.
For me, this is trusting obedience, the kind that will equip me for the things God has ahead for me. It was trusting obedience that let me say yes to adopting a teen to begin with. And it is TRUSTING obedience that says we heard God correctly when we said yes to that adoption even thought the road is hard and not what we expected!
It is trusting obedience for Paizley that will get her through this tough time as well. It is teaching her to rely on God in ways she never had to before.
And it is trusting obedience that allows me to now thank God for this pregnancy (1 Thessalonians 5:18 - give thanks in all circumstances). If this is what it takes to mature Paizley in Christ...and me too!...then I will give thanks and I will continue to trust that God is using this to grow and equip us for the days to come...because one thing I know from the days past, I want to be equipped for what is to come!
Monday, October 25, 2010
God speaks, are we listening?
This past week has been a difficult and challenging one! Despite the much needed vacation the first part of the week! John and I were able to go on a retreat for his work without children for three days. It was a much needed mini-vacation!
We are still walking out this journey that I have been talking about. I get resolved that we are to continue, I even get excited about parts of it. Then something happens. My eyes look down - I lose focus of the Author and Perfecter of my faith - and I get scared! All the fears and doubts rush in and I become a basket case. All peace leaves. I stomp my foot on the ground and scream, "I'm not going to do it! I am not going to take on this task that has the potential to destroy me, my marriage, my family, etc, etc." (By the way, I don't really recommend stomping your foot at God and telling Him no! However, I do know that my God is big enough to handle it and likes it when I am real with Him...then He can deal with me!)
My struggle is internal. We had an AMAZING discussion last night at our small group about trust. We are doing a wonderful study at our church on trust. I will post the link for the pod casts. I highly recommend them if you want to go further with God. If you don't, then don't listen to them! There really should be a warning on them that says, "Warning: Will most likely rock your world if you listen and obey!"
Even though my struggle is internal, over the past week, I have externalized it. Let me explain. When something happened in my physical world that fed my doubts and fears, I would lash out at that thing/person. I will be apologizing to my family this evening for many times this past week that I was not kind! I am struggling with physical fatigue right now in a new and very frustrating way! How in the world will I do this thing God says to do when I am so tired now that I don't get the tasks completed that I need to today? He wants me to do more?!
Yes! He does! I realized in our small group discussion that this is once again a trust issue with me and God. I have been looking at it as I don't have the faith. We talked last night about the difference between faith and trust. We talked about that faith is the belief (Heb 11:1), but trust is the walking out of that belief! I prayed early on in this journey for God, the Author and Perfecter of my faith, to do some writing because I didn't have the faith to walk this road. He answered that prayer. He gave me the faith. So I said yes, and we continued. However, with each step in faith, I must trust more! There in lies the problem with externalizing my struggle! If I struggle with the people in my life feeling like they don't support me, then I am "trusting" in them to make this thing happen or work. If I struggle with the fatigue and how I will accomplish all that it will require, then I am trusting in my own physical strength. These are all misplaced trusts! God is calling me to trust Him and Him alone!
I thought I was past my trust issues. And I am...in some areas! Now God is stretching me further. He is asking me to trust Him even more! He is asking me to not look at circumstances, to not look at people, to not even look at myself except that I have willing heart, but to look at Him! To keep my eyes on the prize! Why is that so hard?!
Hebrews 11 has long been one of my favorite chapters in the Bible. God took me there this morning and then to chapter 12. I have thrown a fleece for this thing he has asked us to do. I have never thrown out a fleece in my life, but I felt I needed that much of a tangible to move on in this...when Gideon threw a fleece in Judges 6, it was because he lacked faith to believe what God was telling him. That was exactly where I was with God. God answered with affirmation that we were to move forward. So my faith was increased. I thought I was home free!
But as the day of fulfillment of this calling comes close and closer, I find it harder and harder to keep walking. That frustrates me with myself! But God is so gracious! I have prayed many times for him to confirm for me that his is what He wants us to do. Even after He answered the fleece throw! (Not exactly sure that is the right lingo for that!). But again this morning, my Heavenly Father, Abba, who loves me enough to take me to His word and confirm again this call He has given us, has greatly encouraged me. It is a crucial reminder that throughout this journey, I must keep my eyes on Him! I am so thankful that I serve a God who never gets tired of me asking for His confirmation as I take each step of this journey!
So for those reading this who wonder what in the world I mean when I say, "God speaks?" Let me explain with practical application to my conversation with God this morning.
I started by asking Him to encourage me in the walk before me today. I asked Him to confirm for me that the direction we are walking is His path. Then I started my Bible study that we are doing. This week it is on discipline, so there were a lot of references to Hebrews 12. After I finished the study, I felt I needed more of God's Word this morning...just Him...not a study that talked about the Word, but The Word itself speaking into me. So I went to Hebrews. I started in 11 because as I stated earlier, that has long been one of if not the favorite chapter!
As I read verse 6 - and without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder for hose who seek Him - God said, Stop. Listen. There was a stirring in my spirit as I read those words. I started thinking about the last part and realized that my old doubts about God's goodness that stem from Eden not coming home and a few other situations that made me doubt God's goodness have resurfaced and the enemy is using those to make me doubt this path God has me on. The enemy is sneaky! He gets in your head and places little bits of truth. Like - "yeah, God will walk with you, but will He make it easy?" And - "if it is too much, you can just tell God no - His grace will cover that". There are bits of truth in each of those statements, but there is also a big twist on that truth. As I read Hebrews 11:6, The Holy Spirit wrote it on my heart. He gave me peace as I read that God does reward those who seek Him. If I say yes, there will be a reward! That reward may not be here on earth, but there IS a reward! Get behind me satan!!!! One for the Heavenly Team!
Encouraged, I continue reading. As I read verses 15 & 16, again, I feel the Holy Spirit fill me with peace and a little bit of rebuke, so I stop. "And indeed if they had been thinking of that country from which they went out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God; for He has prepared a city for them." A question pops into my head - "are you looking back at the "city" you came from where you were enslaved to fear and doubts and mistrust of God? Don't you want to go to the city God has prepared for you - a better country?!" I had to answer, YES! But God didn't stop there! This is what makes me know that I know God is real! Words that were written 2000 years ago can speak to exactly where I am today! Out of all the pages and words in the Bible, God brought me right here, TODAY! As I asked for encouragement and confirmation! Only a Supernatural God could answer that request - maybe chance could make it happen once or twice in a lifetime, but this happens day after day after day as I spend time with God and dig into His word! I get to Hebrews 12:25 - See to it that you do not refuse Him who is speaking. - Doesn't get any plainer than that folks! I often say that I just wish God would send me a text or e-mail! Well, I think He did today! The text came via the service provider called The Holy Spirit and my "phone" was my Bible! It was as plain as if it were those letters were rolling across my phone screen! But He didn't' stop there! God knows I'm dense! He was going to make sure I didn't miss the point this morning! I finished out Hebrews and read chapter 13.
I have mentioned before in my posts about this path we are on right now that I have never felt more ill-equipped for anything He has called us to. I never felt equipped for the agency, but this is even bigger. The consequences of faliure far greater and much more personal. But once again, that is a trust issue...trusting in myself and not God. But does God get mad that I am not trusting? Not my loving Abba! Instead, he sent me another "text"! (Pun intended!) Hebrews 13:20-21 ~ "Now the God of Peace, who brought up from the dead the great Shepherd of the sheep through the blood of the eternal covenant, even Jesus our Lord, equip you in every good thing to do His will, working in us that which is pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ..." Oh how I love God's word and the fact that the Holy Spirit resides in me to teach me truth! God will equip me! I don't have to be equipped right now! The God of peace will equip me...I can rest in peace in that! The same God whose power raised Jesus from the dead will equip me! If he can raise the dead, is there anything could happen on this earth that He could not handle and help me get through? NO!!!! I will daily fight the battle in my mind that tells me I can't do this - You have said I can through You! I will daily battle the thoughts that satan places that make me doubt God's goodness in this situation. I will hourly defeat the fear that rises up in me as I think of the practical day to day life this new path will put us on! How will I do that? By hiding these Words He has given me in my heart! By telling myself over and over that He will equip me! He told me so (Heb 13:20)! By telling satan I will not go back to the city from which I came that was filled with doubt and fear and mistrust! I will press forward to the new county that God has for me - the one flowing with milk and honey - and I will trust Him to take me there no matter who or what circumstances threaten to block my path (Heb 11:15-16)! I will not walk in a way that makes God ashamed, but instead, I will walk the path that makes God look at Jesus, jab him in the side with His Holy elbow and say, "That's my daughter!" as he grins from ear to ear!
Praise You, Father! How I love you! Let's get to walking!
We are still walking out this journey that I have been talking about. I get resolved that we are to continue, I even get excited about parts of it. Then something happens. My eyes look down - I lose focus of the Author and Perfecter of my faith - and I get scared! All the fears and doubts rush in and I become a basket case. All peace leaves. I stomp my foot on the ground and scream, "I'm not going to do it! I am not going to take on this task that has the potential to destroy me, my marriage, my family, etc, etc." (By the way, I don't really recommend stomping your foot at God and telling Him no! However, I do know that my God is big enough to handle it and likes it when I am real with Him...then He can deal with me!)
My struggle is internal. We had an AMAZING discussion last night at our small group about trust. We are doing a wonderful study at our church on trust. I will post the link for the pod casts. I highly recommend them if you want to go further with God. If you don't, then don't listen to them! There really should be a warning on them that says, "Warning: Will most likely rock your world if you listen and obey!"
Even though my struggle is internal, over the past week, I have externalized it. Let me explain. When something happened in my physical world that fed my doubts and fears, I would lash out at that thing/person. I will be apologizing to my family this evening for many times this past week that I was not kind! I am struggling with physical fatigue right now in a new and very frustrating way! How in the world will I do this thing God says to do when I am so tired now that I don't get the tasks completed that I need to today? He wants me to do more?!
Yes! He does! I realized in our small group discussion that this is once again a trust issue with me and God. I have been looking at it as I don't have the faith. We talked last night about the difference between faith and trust. We talked about that faith is the belief (Heb 11:1), but trust is the walking out of that belief! I prayed early on in this journey for God, the Author and Perfecter of my faith, to do some writing because I didn't have the faith to walk this road. He answered that prayer. He gave me the faith. So I said yes, and we continued. However, with each step in faith, I must trust more! There in lies the problem with externalizing my struggle! If I struggle with the people in my life feeling like they don't support me, then I am "trusting" in them to make this thing happen or work. If I struggle with the fatigue and how I will accomplish all that it will require, then I am trusting in my own physical strength. These are all misplaced trusts! God is calling me to trust Him and Him alone!
I thought I was past my trust issues. And I am...in some areas! Now God is stretching me further. He is asking me to trust Him even more! He is asking me to not look at circumstances, to not look at people, to not even look at myself except that I have willing heart, but to look at Him! To keep my eyes on the prize! Why is that so hard?!
Hebrews 11 has long been one of my favorite chapters in the Bible. God took me there this morning and then to chapter 12. I have thrown a fleece for this thing he has asked us to do. I have never thrown out a fleece in my life, but I felt I needed that much of a tangible to move on in this...when Gideon threw a fleece in Judges 6, it was because he lacked faith to believe what God was telling him. That was exactly where I was with God. God answered with affirmation that we were to move forward. So my faith was increased. I thought I was home free!
But as the day of fulfillment of this calling comes close and closer, I find it harder and harder to keep walking. That frustrates me with myself! But God is so gracious! I have prayed many times for him to confirm for me that his is what He wants us to do. Even after He answered the fleece throw! (Not exactly sure that is the right lingo for that!). But again this morning, my Heavenly Father, Abba, who loves me enough to take me to His word and confirm again this call He has given us, has greatly encouraged me. It is a crucial reminder that throughout this journey, I must keep my eyes on Him! I am so thankful that I serve a God who never gets tired of me asking for His confirmation as I take each step of this journey!
So for those reading this who wonder what in the world I mean when I say, "God speaks?" Let me explain with practical application to my conversation with God this morning.
I started by asking Him to encourage me in the walk before me today. I asked Him to confirm for me that the direction we are walking is His path. Then I started my Bible study that we are doing. This week it is on discipline, so there were a lot of references to Hebrews 12. After I finished the study, I felt I needed more of God's Word this morning...just Him...not a study that talked about the Word, but The Word itself speaking into me. So I went to Hebrews. I started in 11 because as I stated earlier, that has long been one of if not the favorite chapter!
As I read verse 6 - and without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder for hose who seek Him - God said, Stop. Listen. There was a stirring in my spirit as I read those words. I started thinking about the last part and realized that my old doubts about God's goodness that stem from Eden not coming home and a few other situations that made me doubt God's goodness have resurfaced and the enemy is using those to make me doubt this path God has me on. The enemy is sneaky! He gets in your head and places little bits of truth. Like - "yeah, God will walk with you, but will He make it easy?" And - "if it is too much, you can just tell God no - His grace will cover that". There are bits of truth in each of those statements, but there is also a big twist on that truth. As I read Hebrews 11:6, The Holy Spirit wrote it on my heart. He gave me peace as I read that God does reward those who seek Him. If I say yes, there will be a reward! That reward may not be here on earth, but there IS a reward! Get behind me satan!!!! One for the Heavenly Team!
Encouraged, I continue reading. As I read verses 15 & 16, again, I feel the Holy Spirit fill me with peace and a little bit of rebuke, so I stop. "And indeed if they had been thinking of that country from which they went out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God; for He has prepared a city for them." A question pops into my head - "are you looking back at the "city" you came from where you were enslaved to fear and doubts and mistrust of God? Don't you want to go to the city God has prepared for you - a better country?!" I had to answer, YES! But God didn't stop there! This is what makes me know that I know God is real! Words that were written 2000 years ago can speak to exactly where I am today! Out of all the pages and words in the Bible, God brought me right here, TODAY! As I asked for encouragement and confirmation! Only a Supernatural God could answer that request - maybe chance could make it happen once or twice in a lifetime, but this happens day after day after day as I spend time with God and dig into His word! I get to Hebrews 12:25 - See to it that you do not refuse Him who is speaking. - Doesn't get any plainer than that folks! I often say that I just wish God would send me a text or e-mail! Well, I think He did today! The text came via the service provider called The Holy Spirit and my "phone" was my Bible! It was as plain as if it were those letters were rolling across my phone screen! But He didn't' stop there! God knows I'm dense! He was going to make sure I didn't miss the point this morning! I finished out Hebrews and read chapter 13.
I have mentioned before in my posts about this path we are on right now that I have never felt more ill-equipped for anything He has called us to. I never felt equipped for the agency, but this is even bigger. The consequences of faliure far greater and much more personal. But once again, that is a trust issue...trusting in myself and not God. But does God get mad that I am not trusting? Not my loving Abba! Instead, he sent me another "text"! (Pun intended!) Hebrews 13:20-21 ~ "Now the God of Peace, who brought up from the dead the great Shepherd of the sheep through the blood of the eternal covenant, even Jesus our Lord, equip you in every good thing to do His will, working in us that which is pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ..." Oh how I love God's word and the fact that the Holy Spirit resides in me to teach me truth! God will equip me! I don't have to be equipped right now! The God of peace will equip me...I can rest in peace in that! The same God whose power raised Jesus from the dead will equip me! If he can raise the dead, is there anything could happen on this earth that He could not handle and help me get through? NO!!!! I will daily fight the battle in my mind that tells me I can't do this - You have said I can through You! I will daily battle the thoughts that satan places that make me doubt God's goodness in this situation. I will hourly defeat the fear that rises up in me as I think of the practical day to day life this new path will put us on! How will I do that? By hiding these Words He has given me in my heart! By telling myself over and over that He will equip me! He told me so (Heb 13:20)! By telling satan I will not go back to the city from which I came that was filled with doubt and fear and mistrust! I will press forward to the new county that God has for me - the one flowing with milk and honey - and I will trust Him to take me there no matter who or what circumstances threaten to block my path (Heb 11:15-16)! I will not walk in a way that makes God ashamed, but instead, I will walk the path that makes God look at Jesus, jab him in the side with His Holy elbow and say, "That's my daughter!" as he grins from ear to ear!
Praise You, Father! How I love you! Let's get to walking!
Monday, July 12, 2010
Jehovah: I AM
I love it when truths wash over me and renew me from the inside out. God has been doing that a lot lately in me as I try to make peace with the past, live in the present and look to the future. This morning, that peace came through Isaiah 43:18-19: "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland". Praise God!
As I read that this morning in my study of names of God in Embraced by the Father by Susanne Scheppmann, I had to stop at "forget the former things." In my human perception of things and my tunnel vision view, I am having a very hard time letting go of my faith walks that didn't turn out like I had planned. But as I read these words this morning, it was God whispering them in my ear..."Forget those things, let go. Do not dwell on those things! I have them in control. Look at the new thing I am doing! It is springing up! Don't miss it for looking backwards trying to figure out what you will never understand this side of heaven!" All these thoughts have passed through my mind before, but this morning, it was as if the Holy Spirit was spraying my mind and spirit with a power washer to release my thoughts and emotions to all that tied me to the orphanage I had to let go and the baby girls I never got to hold and other personal dreams that I know are God-given, God-willed desires that have yet to come to pass and greatly effect the way I view God.
Jehova, Yaweh: I AM! Who is He? How easily I have let the Christians around me and the circumstances I find myself in redefine God for me. He never changes...He is the same yesterday, today and forever! But I can get so wrapped up in the things people say about me, the way people criticize me, the circumstances that effect my day to day life that I forget who He really is!
He reminded me today of who He is! He is I AM! He is the one who sees my past and asks me to forget it! He asks me to look at what He is doing now. He needs me to move past that past so that He can do a new thing! I'm ready for a new thing! A new thing in my calling for children and orphans, a new thing in my family, a new thing in my personal struggles with sin. For the first time in a long time, I am excited about today and looking forward to tomorrow! Stay tuned...God is doing a new thing! It is springing up and I will perceive it, in Jesus Name!
As I read that this morning in my study of names of God in Embraced by the Father by Susanne Scheppmann, I had to stop at "forget the former things." In my human perception of things and my tunnel vision view, I am having a very hard time letting go of my faith walks that didn't turn out like I had planned. But as I read these words this morning, it was God whispering them in my ear..."Forget those things, let go. Do not dwell on those things! I have them in control. Look at the new thing I am doing! It is springing up! Don't miss it for looking backwards trying to figure out what you will never understand this side of heaven!" All these thoughts have passed through my mind before, but this morning, it was as if the Holy Spirit was spraying my mind and spirit with a power washer to release my thoughts and emotions to all that tied me to the orphanage I had to let go and the baby girls I never got to hold and other personal dreams that I know are God-given, God-willed desires that have yet to come to pass and greatly effect the way I view God.
Jehova, Yaweh: I AM! Who is He? How easily I have let the Christians around me and the circumstances I find myself in redefine God for me. He never changes...He is the same yesterday, today and forever! But I can get so wrapped up in the things people say about me, the way people criticize me, the circumstances that effect my day to day life that I forget who He really is!
He reminded me today of who He is! He is I AM! He is the one who sees my past and asks me to forget it! He asks me to look at what He is doing now. He needs me to move past that past so that He can do a new thing! I'm ready for a new thing! A new thing in my calling for children and orphans, a new thing in my family, a new thing in my personal struggles with sin. For the first time in a long time, I am excited about today and looking forward to tomorrow! Stay tuned...God is doing a new thing! It is springing up and I will perceive it, in Jesus Name!
Monday, September 21, 2009
1/4 of the way there!
I posted this on June 20, 2008
When I lose my weight, I am going to pierce my nose! Why you ask? See post below! When I lose 100 pounds, it will mean that God has taken his rightful place on the throne of my heart....food will be forever overthrown! It will be an outward symbol of an inward commitment, a change from the inside out! Just like I wear my wedding ring to show I am committed to John, the nose stud will be to show that God owns my heart, I am fully committed to Him and have conquered my addiction to food! It will be extreme! :) I have been called a prude many times! So for me to show up with a nose piercing will be a shock to many (My parents being among the biggest, I am sure), but I can't wait to get it done! When it is done, I will know I have won the battle! God will be the ruler of my heart and food will be in submission! What a day that will be! :)
Over a year later, I am 1/4 of the way there! There has been a LOT of yo-yoing in that year, but I feel God breaking the grip food has on me, and I am excited! Actually, I am excited about a lot of things in life right now! I am finally learning to listen to that still small voice instead of all the other voices shouting at me in this world! And it is amazing the Wisdom in that still small voice! :)
When I lose my weight, I am going to pierce my nose! Why you ask? See post below! When I lose 100 pounds, it will mean that God has taken his rightful place on the throne of my heart....food will be forever overthrown! It will be an outward symbol of an inward commitment, a change from the inside out! Just like I wear my wedding ring to show I am committed to John, the nose stud will be to show that God owns my heart, I am fully committed to Him and have conquered my addiction to food! It will be extreme! :) I have been called a prude many times! So for me to show up with a nose piercing will be a shock to many (My parents being among the biggest, I am sure), but I can't wait to get it done! When it is done, I will know I have won the battle! God will be the ruler of my heart and food will be in submission! What a day that will be! :)
Over a year later, I am 1/4 of the way there! There has been a LOT of yo-yoing in that year, but I feel God breaking the grip food has on me, and I am excited! Actually, I am excited about a lot of things in life right now! I am finally learning to listen to that still small voice instead of all the other voices shouting at me in this world! And it is amazing the Wisdom in that still small voice! :)
Friday, July 10, 2009
"Boldly"
I have been studying Acts for a few weeks now. Our church is actually doing a series on Acts, but I was studying it even before then.
I am LOVING it! It always amazes me how I can read scripture that I know I have read tens if not hundreds of times before, but new things just pop out at me! Got to love that Holy Spirit who makes God's Word so fresh to us over 2000 years later!
Well, the apostles fascinate me! I feel like I can so relate to their work right now in what I am doing in adoption work. God has drawn so many comparisons for me. It has been such an encouragement, and also a charge to keep on keeping on. I don't even pretend to be anywhere near the maturity or calling of the Apostles, but God has used them to speak into my life in my little bitty corner of the world.
A word that occurs over and over when Acts describes the Apostles teaching is "boldly". This word stuck out to me because I usually speak boldly when I speak. I always have. It is a character trait that God gave me that frankly I am not so fond of. It definitely brings much ridicule and persecution...sometimes warranted ridicule if I am out of line or speaking boldly with the wrong heart, but many times I am speaking boldly at the charge of the Holy Spirit and feel as if I am stoned (with words and actions) just as Paul in Acts 14:19 (he was speaking boldly in vs 3 right before that!). I have been told that I am too bold and that I need to handle things with adoptions more softly and tenderly. Well, that goes totally against what God and the Holy Spirit is leading me in right now. There was a time when I spoke softly and walked gently with Liberian officials. We have been working in Liberia for almost 5 years. This is the first time I have gotten this "bold" in my words and actions. It is time! I love Acts 14:3 because it holds the key to this boldness thing...."with reliance upon the Lord." That is the part that was missing in my younger days that I am learning to seek in my maturing state.
Since I felt like this word "boldly" was a bright flashing light of instruction to my soul every time I read it, I decided to look it up. It is used 6 times in Acts, and 9 times in the New Testament (that means 2/3 of the time it is used is in Acts...hmmm). according to Strong's it means to speak freely, freedom of speech, confidence! Yes! I just LOVE that! Oh how that is what I have felt God screaming to my soul! Every time I contact a government official whether here or there, I second guess my boldness- I hear the voices of the critics who think they know exactly how I need to handle this process and ridicule the boldness that I have or that I ask them to take, and I just feel God screaming, "GO my daughter! It is time for boldness! It is time for my glory to be seen by those willing to see it! Speak my words! Please me, not man! If I am for you, who can be against you? Be bold, be daring. You are speaking for the people of Liberia who have no voice. I have made you bold for just a time as this!" That gets my blood to pumpin'!
I looked it up in Webster. I got even more excited! Webster defines "bold" as fearless before danger, showing or requiring a fearless daring spirit, assured, confident, adventurous, free, standing out prominently. That is what we are called to be for God! We are called to stand out for Him. We are called to show a fearless daring spirit in the face of danger or ridicule because man can do NOTHING to us spiritually speaking. Yes they can hurt our feelings, and in China and other places of persecution, they even hurt and torture our bodies, but God still calls us to be fearless or daring in spirit! Even if you are not involved in some "big" issue, you are called to be daring and fearless in spirit. Have you shared your testimony of God's goodness in your life with a stranger lately? In today's society, even that can be bold and daring in the face of danger. Speaking the name of God in front of many of today's society will get you a lecture you never wanted or ridiculed in a way you never imagined! But we are still called to do it- be bold!
I think when you are involved in a "big" issue, it is easy to neglect the times to be "bold" in the day to day. I have shared about my new friend at my office. He comes in everyday now and visits for 15 or 20 minutes at a time. I will share more about him as his life is such a testimony of our societies need for a savior! But I haven't asked him about his relationship with God yet. I want to be sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit, as timing is crucial in talking to someone about Christ, but if the Holy Spirit nudged me to bring Him up, would I? I can tell a government official how the cow at the cabbage, but would I share with a dieing soul the only thing that will bring him comfort and peace here and on the other side of life? I pray I would, and you better believe I will be looking for the opportunity to be daring in spirit to share my Jesus with this hurting soul!
And for today...I am just loving that God's word is so fresh and waiting for Him to reveal His glory in adoptions in Liberia! I know it's coming! I don't know what it will look like and it may not be packaged the way we all think it will be .....odds are, it won't be! But when He comes and shines His glory, I am going to be ready and until that time I will speak BOLDLY to anyone I can in order for ALL possible to see His glory and worship Him because of it!
Ready for my day! Go God! :)
I am LOVING it! It always amazes me how I can read scripture that I know I have read tens if not hundreds of times before, but new things just pop out at me! Got to love that Holy Spirit who makes God's Word so fresh to us over 2000 years later!
Well, the apostles fascinate me! I feel like I can so relate to their work right now in what I am doing in adoption work. God has drawn so many comparisons for me. It has been such an encouragement, and also a charge to keep on keeping on. I don't even pretend to be anywhere near the maturity or calling of the Apostles, but God has used them to speak into my life in my little bitty corner of the world.
A word that occurs over and over when Acts describes the Apostles teaching is "boldly". This word stuck out to me because I usually speak boldly when I speak. I always have. It is a character trait that God gave me that frankly I am not so fond of. It definitely brings much ridicule and persecution...sometimes warranted ridicule if I am out of line or speaking boldly with the wrong heart, but many times I am speaking boldly at the charge of the Holy Spirit and feel as if I am stoned (with words and actions) just as Paul in Acts 14:19 (he was speaking boldly in vs 3 right before that!). I have been told that I am too bold and that I need to handle things with adoptions more softly and tenderly. Well, that goes totally against what God and the Holy Spirit is leading me in right now. There was a time when I spoke softly and walked gently with Liberian officials. We have been working in Liberia for almost 5 years. This is the first time I have gotten this "bold" in my words and actions. It is time! I love Acts 14:3 because it holds the key to this boldness thing...."with reliance upon the Lord." That is the part that was missing in my younger days that I am learning to seek in my maturing state.
Since I felt like this word "boldly" was a bright flashing light of instruction to my soul every time I read it, I decided to look it up. It is used 6 times in Acts, and 9 times in the New Testament (that means 2/3 of the time it is used is in Acts...hmmm). according to Strong's it means to speak freely, freedom of speech, confidence! Yes! I just LOVE that! Oh how that is what I have felt God screaming to my soul! Every time I contact a government official whether here or there, I second guess my boldness- I hear the voices of the critics who think they know exactly how I need to handle this process and ridicule the boldness that I have or that I ask them to take, and I just feel God screaming, "GO my daughter! It is time for boldness! It is time for my glory to be seen by those willing to see it! Speak my words! Please me, not man! If I am for you, who can be against you? Be bold, be daring. You are speaking for the people of Liberia who have no voice. I have made you bold for just a time as this!" That gets my blood to pumpin'!
I looked it up in Webster. I got even more excited! Webster defines "bold" as fearless before danger, showing or requiring a fearless daring spirit, assured, confident, adventurous, free, standing out prominently. That is what we are called to be for God! We are called to stand out for Him. We are called to show a fearless daring spirit in the face of danger or ridicule because man can do NOTHING to us spiritually speaking. Yes they can hurt our feelings, and in China and other places of persecution, they even hurt and torture our bodies, but God still calls us to be fearless or daring in spirit! Even if you are not involved in some "big" issue, you are called to be daring and fearless in spirit. Have you shared your testimony of God's goodness in your life with a stranger lately? In today's society, even that can be bold and daring in the face of danger. Speaking the name of God in front of many of today's society will get you a lecture you never wanted or ridiculed in a way you never imagined! But we are still called to do it- be bold!
I think when you are involved in a "big" issue, it is easy to neglect the times to be "bold" in the day to day. I have shared about my new friend at my office. He comes in everyday now and visits for 15 or 20 minutes at a time. I will share more about him as his life is such a testimony of our societies need for a savior! But I haven't asked him about his relationship with God yet. I want to be sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit, as timing is crucial in talking to someone about Christ, but if the Holy Spirit nudged me to bring Him up, would I? I can tell a government official how the cow at the cabbage, but would I share with a dieing soul the only thing that will bring him comfort and peace here and on the other side of life? I pray I would, and you better believe I will be looking for the opportunity to be daring in spirit to share my Jesus with this hurting soul!
And for today...I am just loving that God's word is so fresh and waiting for Him to reveal His glory in adoptions in Liberia! I know it's coming! I don't know what it will look like and it may not be packaged the way we all think it will be .....odds are, it won't be! But when He comes and shines His glory, I am going to be ready and until that time I will speak BOLDLY to anyone I can in order for ALL possible to see His glory and worship Him because of it!
Ready for my day! Go God! :)
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
knowing = loving = believe & trust = obedience = abundant life
knowing = loving = believe & trust = obedience = abundant life
I love that equation! I can't say that I have always loved that equation, but the closer I get to the end of it, the more I love it!
Let me explain!
I am still in the Experiencing God study. As you can tell from my last post, this has been a bit of a dry season...as bit of rebellion maybe, or maybe not so sever as rebellion as much as doubting God. Not fully trusting in Who He is or what He knows!
This may turn into a multi part post as so many things are swimming in my head and blogging just helps me sort it all out...so thanks for enduring my rants! :)
I accepted Christ as my Savior when I was 10 years old. So I have known of Him for 25 years (i just had a birthday.....35! Can't believe it!). But my history, the way I was introduced to Jesus is very legalistic. You accept Christ, you better walk the straight line or He will zap you! That was pretty much my theology! Kept me out of a lot of trouble because on some level I truly believed a lightning bolt would come down from heaven and zap me!
As I went to college, I began seeking Him more. I knew I was missing something, but didn't go to any Bible studies or churches that really helped me understand what I was missing. I didn't fully understand the purpose/power of the Holy Spirit to guide and teach me, so I was searching but not really finding the answers. Enter my precious John!
John and his family were as far charismatic as my family was traditional. Made for some interesting first conversations! More on that maybe later! But this is when I understood that what I was missing from God was relationship! God didn't just want my obedience, He first wanted my heart...He wanted me to KNOW him!
So I began to study. God would move us to a church that at least allowed me to clap in response to my worship with Him. And frankly, that is about all I could handle then. I walked out of the first church service John took me to at his church! He was playing the piano, I tapped him on the shoulder and said, I will be in the parking lot when you are done! I would have left, but he had the car keys, and I had left my car at his house. He had said if I couldn't go to his church we were not going to date....I thought we were through because I was NOT going to that church! That is a post for another time too!
I digress! Then God would move us to a little farming town in the middle of the Texas panhandle. He would place us in the middle of legalism in a small, country, ALL Baptist church (had an interim pastor do an acrostic of "Baptist" one time and follow it by telling our youth that God did not want them to marry anyone who was not Baptist! Yes, I set them straight! Just told them that no where in my Bible did it say that! I was often seen as a rebel there...hmmmm...some things never change!) God would remove really all teaching from me. He would place John and I as the lei (SP?) youth leaders of that church. This is where God became my best friend. Our marriage stunk, our church was just about everything I was trying to run from, I was learning just how many "issues" I had from the way I was raised (I had a wonderful family! But I am learning that all people will have issues as they are raised by human parents who have their own issues...I am already saving for my children's therapy needs!!! ha!). The only place I had to turn was God! He took me away from everything. Why? So that I would get to know Him! Right before we left Odessa, I did a Beth Moore Bible study. I fell in love with her love for God. I saw something I wanted! Her style of Bible study fit me. So I called some bigger churches in surrounding towns and found some Beth Moore studies and started leading Bible studies for women at our church. I really stink at that! It is not my gifting! However, I needed them, so I led them so we would have them! God became real to me! He is who I ran to when I was hurt, He was who I ran to when I was lonely, He was who I ran to when I was excited. I KNEW Him! On a fairly surface level, but I knew Him! I began to understand, to know His voice! I used to tell my youth there this analogy: when John first started calling me, he would have to say, "Hi! This is John!" But after several months of dating, and then being married, he no longer had to say that when he called me. I recognized his voice. God is the same way! He has always spoken, but I didn't recognize His voice! Now, I do....at least most times...that is still one of my biggest struggles!
As I got to know Him, I fell deeply in love with Him! That brought the desire to obey...no longer because lighting was going to fall from heaven, but now because I loved Him! Just like a child wanting to please a parent, I wanted to please my heavenly Father! I wanted to hear, "Well done!" But I hit a wall. My first huge faith step after this new revelation was adopting Noah. That went great! No negatives! All positives! All the outcomes were more than I could ever hope or imagine! So I believed God more and trusted Him more! This made me want to obey more.
By January 2003, I had hit a wall. I was so dry. I needed more than what that little farming town had to offer! My marriage was still draining me, now I had two kids that I was trying to raise and felt like a total failure, I felt more like an alien than I had ever felt. My prayer became, "God take me from this place, or take me from this earth!" God answered that prayer and moved us back to West Texas.
I will have to continue later as I have to get to work...and there is a small voice coming from a room saying, "Mooooommmmmaaaa!" :) I love that!
I love that equation! I can't say that I have always loved that equation, but the closer I get to the end of it, the more I love it!
Let me explain!
I am still in the Experiencing God study. As you can tell from my last post, this has been a bit of a dry season...as bit of rebellion maybe, or maybe not so sever as rebellion as much as doubting God. Not fully trusting in Who He is or what He knows!
This may turn into a multi part post as so many things are swimming in my head and blogging just helps me sort it all out...so thanks for enduring my rants! :)
I accepted Christ as my Savior when I was 10 years old. So I have known of Him for 25 years (i just had a birthday.....35! Can't believe it!). But my history, the way I was introduced to Jesus is very legalistic. You accept Christ, you better walk the straight line or He will zap you! That was pretty much my theology! Kept me out of a lot of trouble because on some level I truly believed a lightning bolt would come down from heaven and zap me!
As I went to college, I began seeking Him more. I knew I was missing something, but didn't go to any Bible studies or churches that really helped me understand what I was missing. I didn't fully understand the purpose/power of the Holy Spirit to guide and teach me, so I was searching but not really finding the answers. Enter my precious John!
John and his family were as far charismatic as my family was traditional. Made for some interesting first conversations! More on that maybe later! But this is when I understood that what I was missing from God was relationship! God didn't just want my obedience, He first wanted my heart...He wanted me to KNOW him!
So I began to study. God would move us to a church that at least allowed me to clap in response to my worship with Him. And frankly, that is about all I could handle then. I walked out of the first church service John took me to at his church! He was playing the piano, I tapped him on the shoulder and said, I will be in the parking lot when you are done! I would have left, but he had the car keys, and I had left my car at his house. He had said if I couldn't go to his church we were not going to date....I thought we were through because I was NOT going to that church! That is a post for another time too!
I digress! Then God would move us to a little farming town in the middle of the Texas panhandle. He would place us in the middle of legalism in a small, country, ALL Baptist church (had an interim pastor do an acrostic of "Baptist" one time and follow it by telling our youth that God did not want them to marry anyone who was not Baptist! Yes, I set them straight! Just told them that no where in my Bible did it say that! I was often seen as a rebel there...hmmmm...some things never change!) God would remove really all teaching from me. He would place John and I as the lei (SP?) youth leaders of that church. This is where God became my best friend. Our marriage stunk, our church was just about everything I was trying to run from, I was learning just how many "issues" I had from the way I was raised (I had a wonderful family! But I am learning that all people will have issues as they are raised by human parents who have their own issues...I am already saving for my children's therapy needs!!! ha!). The only place I had to turn was God! He took me away from everything. Why? So that I would get to know Him! Right before we left Odessa, I did a Beth Moore Bible study. I fell in love with her love for God. I saw something I wanted! Her style of Bible study fit me. So I called some bigger churches in surrounding towns and found some Beth Moore studies and started leading Bible studies for women at our church. I really stink at that! It is not my gifting! However, I needed them, so I led them so we would have them! God became real to me! He is who I ran to when I was hurt, He was who I ran to when I was lonely, He was who I ran to when I was excited. I KNEW Him! On a fairly surface level, but I knew Him! I began to understand, to know His voice! I used to tell my youth there this analogy: when John first started calling me, he would have to say, "Hi! This is John!" But after several months of dating, and then being married, he no longer had to say that when he called me. I recognized his voice. God is the same way! He has always spoken, but I didn't recognize His voice! Now, I do....at least most times...that is still one of my biggest struggles!
As I got to know Him, I fell deeply in love with Him! That brought the desire to obey...no longer because lighting was going to fall from heaven, but now because I loved Him! Just like a child wanting to please a parent, I wanted to please my heavenly Father! I wanted to hear, "Well done!" But I hit a wall. My first huge faith step after this new revelation was adopting Noah. That went great! No negatives! All positives! All the outcomes were more than I could ever hope or imagine! So I believed God more and trusted Him more! This made me want to obey more.
By January 2003, I had hit a wall. I was so dry. I needed more than what that little farming town had to offer! My marriage was still draining me, now I had two kids that I was trying to raise and felt like a total failure, I felt more like an alien than I had ever felt. My prayer became, "God take me from this place, or take me from this earth!" God answered that prayer and moved us back to West Texas.
I will have to continue later as I have to get to work...and there is a small voice coming from a room saying, "Mooooommmmmaaaa!" :) I love that!
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