God's Perspective of Pain and Death

Thank you for all the encouraging comments and e-mails about the struggles with my family on our adoption! It really helps just to know others understand! I wish it wasn't so common a problem, but it is.

I had a great time with God this morning on just this issue. I am doing a Bible study that has a lot of self-reflection in it....YUCK! But it is good to dig up my issues and deal with them! This Bible study talks a lot about life and death..not literally, but more emotionally and physically. Death being the things that we see in our lives that cause pain and life being the things in our lives that bring happiness and joy. Of course, our human nature is to avoid all things that bring pain! But as I read in Romans this morning (a scripture I have read many times), I saw that God has such a different perspective of pain and death than I do! Melissa Haas says, "Love may be the universal language, but pain is the universal motivator.....Pain can be a good teacher and a tool in the Redeemer's hands for our good."

Let me make a distinction here. There are two kinds of pain and death as a Christian. One is a pain and death that I experience when I sin. When I turn my back to God and walk in a way that is not pleasing to him, then I will experience pain. The Bible clearly states that sin is death. The pain I experience in these times is a result of something I have done and is meant to turn me around and walk the other way....towards God. This is the same concept I use to discipline my children. If they do not follow my directions, there is a consequence that I hope is painful (not necessarily physically!) enough to keep them from doing that action again. But there is another pain in my Christian walk. There is a pain that God allows to refine who I am. To teach me to lean on Him more and more. It is the result of no negligence or ill doing of my own. This type of pain is the most difficult for me. Coming from a legalistic background, I have a core belief (a false belief by the way) that all pain is a result of my negligence in some way or another. If I am hurting it is because I did something that God disagreed with. If I am happy, then I must be right in the middle of God's will. Romans 6:14 dispels this false belief: "for you are not under the law but under grace."

As I have gone through life over the past 10 years, I have tried to avoid pain/death at all costs..natural, right? Yet not possible in the life of a Christ follower seeking to grow. God makes it clear in Romans 6 that death/pain brought about in the pursuit of God is in fact LIFE! .....therefore we have been buried...in order that as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, so we might walk in newness of life.....if we become united with Him in death, certainly we will also be in the likeness of His resurrection....if we have died with Christ, we believe that we should also live with him.... so to there is no way to avoid pain altogether. The only pain/death I should purposely avoid is that caused by sin.

My problem with that is my core belief that pain means I have done something wrong. So when I decide to adopt a little boy from Africa and my family and even some friends make it clear they believe this is a irresponsible, plain stupid thing to do, I immediately question my own motives and start thinking I must be doing something wrong! But according to those scriptures in Romans, I am just experiencing death with Christ in order to share in His life! The life that this world will NEVER understand....they can't! I must realize at these times that the pain is not from my own actions, but from God refining me and run to Him to hide under His wings and to cling to Him just like my kids cling to me when they are scared! To align myself with Him...to find my security, satisfaction, joy in Him.

Boy that is so easy to see and to type, but oh so hard to do! When my parents react the way they do to me leaving my three to go get the one, I immediately feel like a worthless parent, I questions all my motives and fear raises up in me that the three will have to suffer way too much for the one. But the truth is that Matthew 18:12 says that a good shepherd will leave the 99 on the hill to go find the ONE that wandered off. And the truth is I would leave any number of my children to go find whichever ONE needs me! And that is what makes a good parent.

So this has to mean that the pain of my parent's/friends reactions is a pain that God is using to motivate me to draw closer to Him, to know Him more, to find rest, peace and joy in HIM! More of Him and less of me!

So my prayer this morning is that God would give me HIS perspective on pain and death! That I would willingly be crucified so that I can be raised with Him. That he would give me the wisdom to know when pain is a result of sin and when pain is just a result of Him growing me.