5K, 40 and what God taught me!

That's me as I crossed the FINISH line!!! I did it!  If you know me, you now that the fact that I put my arms up as I ran by John when he snapped this picture tells you what was going on inside of me!  There were other people watching, and I would never have done that, but what was going on inside came bubbling out as I passed him and Journey and knew that self doubt for the journey of health and wellness were defeated forever!

It was AMAZING!  It will definitely go down as one of the biggies as a stone of remembrance in my spiritual walk.  In fact, literally every part of the 5K was a lesson!  God talked to me the entire time making spiritual comparisons to what was happening physically.  By the end of the race, I was just praying God would help me recall all he told me when I could sit down to write it all out.  Just before my last push to the end, God said to write it all down and be ready to share it! So if you have a women's event coming up and need a speaker, I would love to come share what God showed me about running the race of life through this journey! 

Can I just tell you that I would have quit so many times if not for making a big deal about it here and on my Facebook page?!  By the time the race got here that morning, I was scared to death!  I know it sounds silly and totally illogical, but aren't most of our fears and strongholds the enemy has us trapped in?!  I pushed through those only because I had accountability to those who had spoken words of confidence over me, and I was not going to let them or my family down by not going through with it.  They said go, I start jogging and about 10 yards in, I start feeling like my legs are lead, I need to go to the bathroom, and I think I will puke any second!  I am not even .10 miles into this thing!!  How will I ever finish and finish strong?!  But I keep going.  After that initial panic was over, I realized it is just like the enemy to give one last ditch effort to keep us from victory! I had ran almost .70 miles in training, but .1 into the race that would defeat the devil, he plays mind games with me to make me stop the race!  Wow! How many victories have I missed because the last leg of the journey was harder than I expected or the enemy simply psyched me out and I quit?!

I didn't run the whole thing..in fact, I didn't ever run as far at one time as I had in training.  But my goal was to finish, and not be last.  I met that goal..and actually had my best personal time!  I finished in 46 minutes and 30 something seconds!  But way more important than the time was finishing with freedom!  Seriously, for anyone who has not been in spiritual warfare or been on a journey to break a generational stronghold, this will sound crazy.  It won't be the first...and I am sure not the last..time I am called crazy!  I knew since deciding to do the 5K that when I crossed the finish line I would be doing something in the natural that would release the spiritual freedom I needed to finally walk in health and wellness.  The self-doubt and whatever else you call what kept me eating poorly and "settling" for this life would be done!  I was a weeping mess even before I got to the starting line!  Part of that was fear too! I had a friend encouraging me.  I laughed because she said, you have fought African governments for children, this race has nothing to scare you!  Funny isn't it, the things we let fear get a grip of in our life?! I knew I wanted to run (ok jog....as my FB friends know I don't really run!  Someone posted something that said my running looks like a herd of turtles running through peanut buttern and that's me!) across the finish line! I had a plan.  I had never taken the time to get good running music, so the night before I had downloaded Mandisa's knew album.  GREAT running music!  Maybe not the fastest tempo, but the words to two of her songs could not have been more appropriate! There was one song, Pres On, that I knew would push me over the finish line strong.  So I had a plan to switch my music to that song right as I start my sprint (ok, really fast walk/jog, but I can dream, can't I?!) to the end.  I turned the corner...I set my music, and I picked up the pace! And then, my phone does crazy stuff and switches songs every second or two! Ugh! NO!!!! So I go back to a walk, put it on Press On, and pick it up again.  Same thing! Ugh!!!!  Really, God?!  Now?!  I need this to get past that line up there!  I try one more time....same thing! Forget it!  I take off letting the crazy phone do it's thing! About 10 seconds later, I am smiling from ear to ear because it lands on Dance, Dance, Dance!  I knew it wasn' t a coincidence!  God had just given me the biggest hug possible!  You see, when that album came out YEARS ago, I would sing that song dreaming of being free from the bondage of weight and food addiction.  Mandisa wrote it on her journey through the same thing.  I would sing it as a prayer more than a celebration because I wasn't there yet!  But here, when I was walking out in the physical what I knew God was doing in the spiritual, my phone switches to this:
Maybe you don't understand why I gotta dance
There was something had me down but it's over now
I'm a throw my hands up
Wave 'em all in the air
'Cause all I wanna do is dance, dance, dance

They told me you ain't good enough
Don't look good enough
Don't sing good enough
Maybe you should give it up
And if I would've then I never could've received
None of the things that He planned for me
So I waited a little longer
Grew a little stronger and then
I realized something was happening
It's so incredible, it's unexplainable
You oughta try Him for yourself and see because

[Chorus]

Sometimes I think about
How it used to be, and can't help but
Remembering how it was never easy for me, no, no
But the way God works, it's so amazing
He never forgot me, I can't forget Him
That's enough for me to lift my hands and
I'm sorry if you don't understand

[Chorus]

All my tears (it's over now)
And all my pain (it's over now)
All my doubts (it's over now)
They went away (it's over now)
No more fear (it's over now)
And I'm glad (it's over now)
Yes, so glad
'Cause all I wanna do is dance

Wow! If I could have breathed enough, I would've literally danced across the finish line!  It was just confirmation of what I already knew!  I was now walking in freedom and VICTORY!!!!!  Friends, to borrow the words of Mandisa, you really oughta try him for yourself and see!!! If you don't know Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior, please e-mail (hollyann@addyshope.com) me! I would love to talk to you more about the freedom you can have!

Oh...and 40, well it's looking FABULOUS!

Already off the wagon - but not staying there!

Trained two days, then skipped three days! Ugh! I told you I was committed to the good, the bad, and the ugly on here!  That's ugly! 


It seemed everything worked against me this week...sick kids, extra work load...but that's just it.  In this season, there will not be a "convenient" time for getting healthy.  I am going to have to fight for the time to run/exercise.  I am going to have to carve out time to cook and shop healthy.  It has to take priority!  I can't have the "later" mentality....like, I'll run later today.  First thing in the morning before the rest of my world comes to life is going to have to be my time for exercise.  
I know the battle is still raging because at one point yesterday the despair of trying and failing so many times came back with overwhelming force! You know that, "You failed again, you might as well just quit" voice. Followed by "You'll never be anything other than what you are right now."  Well, that's just a lie!  The enemy wants to keep me in a state of despair and defeat!  
Part of maturing in my walk with Christ and in particularly in my awareness of the spiritual realm and what it means in my daily walk is recognizing attacks for what they are and fighting back with the weapons of warfare.  Second Corinthians 10 tell us that even though we walk in the flesh, we don't war with weapons of the flesh.  We have to fight with the weapons of spiritual warfare that are "divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses." We are not fighting things of this world.  So fighting with things we "see" will do no good.  This chapter continues to tell us, "We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God."  That's it! We are fighting against those things we have believed - like I am a failure at exercising and getting healthy!  A text came in yesterday that sent me in a tail spin toward depression.  It might as well have been signed, "love, Satan"!  It was directly from him to put another brick in the fortress of the stronghold of the lies he wants me to believe about my ability to handle all that is in my life right now.  But when I realize it was a fiery dart sent from the enemy, I can stop the spiral with the Truth!  Looking back at the circumstances surrounding the babies coming to live with us (something we never sought out, but God lit each step of the path...steps we didn't even know were there!)...how He orchestrated the move and blessed us in so many ways along that path, when I stop and look at those Truths along with Philippians 4:13 that promises I can do anything as long as it is God strengthening me to do it, I can know there is hope. And I know that I am on the path God has asked me to walk even if it seems crazy to most everyone else, and I do what 2 Corinthians 10 says we do with our weapons of warfare, "we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ!" 
As soon as I stopped, hit my knees, cried out, started repeating out loud (my kids are used to it now and only occasionally ask me if I've lost my mind) these Truths, the despair lifted! The hope returned.  Nothing about my circumstances changed one bit.  It was all fought and won in my mind!  
It's the same with any stronghold that has a grip on you and is keeping you from walking in complete freedom and victory in Christ!  First we have to ask if there is any sin that is allowing the enemy access to us in this area.  If there is, we have to stop, and repent.  That means turn and go the other way!  God's forgiveness is complete and total!  That sin is gone.  Now you have to replace the hole left by that sin in your mind with Truth!  The enemy will desperately try to keep you in bondage even after you have stopped sinning.  And sometimes, there is no sin.  It's just the words of another or a generational bondage that has been passed down through your family.  Whatever it is, the answer is the same.....use scripture to deflect the arrow of lies that the enemy uses to build the stronghold.  With every Truth you believe, a brick of the wall falls. 
I've known the tools for years, but I am just now learning how to recognize the battle immediately and put the tools to use!  It is energizing and brings so much hope!  When you realize the enemy truly has no power over you than what you give him, you start recognizing when you've given him power and you TAKE. IT. BACK!
So, today, I will run!  I will not buy the lie that I can't do it.  I will not buy the lie that this time will be the same as all times before.  And I will not buy the lie that my life is too much to handle! And I pray for anyone reading this who is battling lies keeping them in a stronghold that Holy Spirit will speak Truth over you that you can cling to and tear down your stronghold as well!  
For if the Son makes you free, you are free indeed! (John 8:36)

5K - It's more than a run!

So the kids brought this home on Monday.

In most stories where weight has been a life long battle, you hear of the "one defining moment" when that person who has not overcome the weight battle decides no matter what, it's done! I have always wondered if that moment would come for me.  I've battled it my entire life!  I would see a picture of myself and think, Wow! That's what I look like? But still didn't stick to a battle plan.  Pretty sure seeing this card that was delivered by my sweet Ava will go down in history as my defining moment.  When I looked down and saw the date.....December 14....something in me clicked! That's my 40th birthday.  I had determined on my birthday last year that I would not enter the next decade as unhealthy as I am now.  I would enter the new decade lighter and more able to carry out all my daily life requires of me.  Little did I know the demands of my daily life would just about double over this year between the move and that babies coming to live with us.  With all the added responsibility and time demands, I struggled to find time for any type of exercise.  And without the exercise, I know weight loss is not going to happen for me.  That would start a vicious cycle of not eating right because it wasn't worth it if I couldn't exercise.  Then there is just the fact of eating right takes planning ahead! All of it just seemed like an insurmountable mountain!

But when I stared at that date realizing it is just a little over a month away...and while I am a few pounds under where I was on December 14 of last year, I am nowhere near where I want to be!

But it's more than weight! It's more than being healthy! For me, this is a spiritual battle.  I am not saying this for everyone who struggles with weight, but for me, it is an area of bondage.  And frankly, I am sick of being in bondage to this! Jesus went to the cross to set me FREE! If I am in bondage, it's because I am believing the lies the enemy throws at me.  The only bondage I can be in is the one I willingly remain in.  Well, this prisoner is busting through the gates!

I am two days in.  I have run for two days, now. I didn't run this morning because Journey is sick and was up most of the night..so the enemy is already taunting me with failing.  Well, devil, the Day. Ain't. Over!  I will run tonight!

Even in my runs, I am finding freedom!  I put on praise music or sermons while I run/walk.  If anyone were to follow me, I am sure they would pretty much think I have lost my mind!  I pray out loud when I have enough air to do it.  I declare that victory is mine!  Each time my foot goes down on the cement..sometimes heavier than others when I am about to the end of my running time....I envision the enemy right there, under my foot!  With each step I take I am running farther and farther from my prison cell!  And it's exhilarating! Who needs drugs when you have Jesus?!

So I am taking you on this journey with me! I am making a promise to post the good, the bad and the ugly! Not because I am all excited about putting it out there, but because I know everyone that walks this earth is in bondage to something!  And for those of us who have areas that we have tried to break free from all our lives, the chains feel too heavy to carry much less break free from!  But because of tools I have been given by people wiser and further in their walk in Christ than me, I now have the tools to break the chains...no matter how thick!  I want EVERYONE to have these tools! The church of America has not taught these over the past many years!
And you see, my "prison" is literally worn on my body! I have felt at times like it is the scarlet "A" hanging around my neck!  I have a dream to one day stand before women as a motivational speaker/teacher or stand before adoptive parents to encourage them in the battles of loving children from abuse and neglect.  When I stand there, I want to stand in freedom!  Don't hear me say that I wouldn't do it right now at the weight I am, I would! But I want freedom in ALL areas!  I want ALL God has for me!  And I want to stand as a representation of freedom in Christ in all areas!  I want to reflect God in the best way I can! And I don't do that at the weigh I am right now.

So it's time to take back the temple! This time, I don't stop until I reach the goal.  For today, the goal is a 5K where I will cross the finish line at the fastest pace I can on the day I enter my 4th decade marking a new season in life where the enemy has no more power over me in this area!