Saturday, June 30, 2012

We are not always serious!

Because my blog is usually about my getting to know God and lessons I learn on this journey, it tends to be pretty serious!  I really do have a fun side!  I realize as I read through my blog that doesn't come out too often!  So I thought I would share our "Welcome to Summer Party" John and I surprised the kids with on the last day of school! 




 Home schooling the two oldest meant they weren't surprised, but it was still fun!  And the biggest bummer was Paizley had to be at work so she didn't get to join in.  It was all ideas I got off Pinterest.  We had water balloon pinatas, water guns and as many water balloons as my fingers could tie!  I think I got the feeling back in my two fingers some time the next week!

Everyone stand back!  Madison has a bat!!!!!



Noah tackling the balloon didn't end up so well for him!  He ended up in the street, but we all got a good laugh, and as you can tell from his smile, he didn't mind either!


Toben didn't have much luck with the punching bag style of breaking the pinata!  I think he finally resorted to the bat like everyone else!



Success!  And the face says it all!
It was a ton of fun, and I am pretty sure this was our first annual party! 

A Successful Fiesta!

We had our first Hope's Promise event last night!  It was A.M.A.Z.I.N.G!  We hosted a casual dinner for a few couples in Joel and Brooke's backyard.  Brooke is one of the amazing team members working to get Hope's Promise up and running.  We called it "Nacho Average Fiesta"!  As I walked around the yard praying before everyone got there, I asked that God would bring exactly who needed to be there in order to accomplish His will for last night.  I also asked that those who came would be moved by the Spirit with what they heard to not just hear and walk away, but be doers to take action and own the crisis we have in teen pregnancies.  He answered every one of those prayers!

We didn't have a huge crowd...about half of what we expected....expecting less than half of who we invited. But the disappointment over numbers did not last long!  Brooke introduced me with an amazing devotion by Joyce Meyer about God using people to do His work.  The amazing thing is that devotion was true of every member or our team that put together last night!  I don't know that I have ever been a part of a group of people who stay so focused on the common goal and purpose in Christ that nothing stands in their way!  These ladies and Jon ROCK!!!  As I shared the statistics for teen pregnancies:

  • 79 percent of teenagers who become pregnant are unmarried. 
  • 80 percent of teenage pregnancies are unintended. 
  • Nearly four in ten teenage girls whose first intercourse experience happened at 13 or 14 report that the sex was unwanted or involuntary. 
  • The main rise in the teen pregnancy rate is among girls younger than 15*
  •  
  • The United State spends $7 billion each year due to the costs of teen pregnancy. 
  • Only one-third of teenage mothers complete high school and receive their diplomas 
  • By age 30, only 1.5 percent of women who had pregnancies as a teenager have a college degree. 
  • 80 percent of unmarried teen mothers end up on welfare 
  • Within the first year of becoming teen mothers, one-half of unmarried teen mothers go on welfare.* 
  • The daughters of teen mothers are 22 percent more likely than their peers to become teen mothers. 
  • Sons of teenaged mothers have a 13 percent greater chance of ending up in prison as compared to their peers.
The people were listening. I could see it in their eyes.  Then Jon and Sarah Stepan shared their experience with a maternity home and the difference it made in the life of the birth mother of their son.  It was moving!  I finished the evening by sharing our solution to the teen pregnancy crisis.  The national trend is that teen pregnancies are declining, but in Texas the rate of teen pregnancies is rising.  And in our little corner of Texas, there are 6 counties in the top 25 in Texas for teen pregnancy rates.  The issue is to the point that news media is picking it up sharing the fears of medical community and the schools as they fear their systems can't support the number of teen moms coming up.  We believe we have the solution!  And more government involvement is not it!  Not because I am taking a political side of whether or not government should or should not be involved but because I have a Bible that tells me I am to be Christ to the world.  I am to be the hands and feet of Jesus, and when Jesus walked this earth He was ministering and supplying the needs of the harlots, the tax collectors, the outcasts of society.  So I believe I need to do the same in the 21st century. In fact, the pastor we heard this past Wednesday said it this way, "If God is going to accomplish anything on this earth during this time, it will be through you and me."   Amen!  Those at the dinner got it!  There were tears over the heartbreak of my friend who was forced to have an abortion because her family said abort or get out and she had nowhere to go.  Only to discover about three months after the abortion that she had been pregnant with twins and they had only killed baby A.  Baby B was still alive.  So her middle class, Christian, church leader parents took her back to the clinic for a late term abortion to terminate the pregnancy of Baby B.  My friend is an amazing woman of God who has overcome these trials in her life, but her story is what God used to prompt me that N.O.W. is the time to do something!

We were giving $10,000 last night plus some checks that had been donated before the evening.  I am talking off my head and from memory, not the books here, but we are at about $10,800 toward the property.

That is very short of what I had asked God for last night.  I had a number that I had specifically prayed and it was big...impossible most would say, but I believed it was what God asked me to believe Him for.  It didn't come in last night, but I believe it is on its way!  The encouragement from those who were there last night was unbelievable!  They believe in what we are doing and are committed to walking with us and sharing our vision..and while we need the actual cash to buy the property, the belief of others in what you are doing is huge when you are walking in ministry!  It is an encouragement that keeps you going and keeps you believing in the next step to finish what God has asked you to do.  

Before the night began I promised God that despite the outcome, I would trust Him.  Can I tell you the peace in that?!  No I didn't get the number I prayed for....not yet.  But I totally trust that God brought exactly who He needed to the dinner last night to accomplish His purposes for last night.  I trust that those who heard it are going to share with whoever else needs to hear it and the money will come in.  The longer I walk with God the more I learn that I only have to do what He asks and the outcome is up to Him!  We put on the dinner, we planted the seeds.  Now He will water how and when He sees fit to bring about the harvest He desires. It is not mine to worry about or fret over or even be disappointed in.  

Next week we will be getting a Hope's Promise page up on the Addy's Hope website so you can watch the progress.  We are still praying about where and how to open the first home.  Obviously we can't do anything until we have the cash to pay for it.  But we can plan and keep walking in faith step by step as He gives us direction, and that is what we will do!

A HUGE thank you to the team of "doers" who made last night happen because if they were waiting on this visionary we would still be trying to decide on a font for the invitations!  Thank you Robin Nash, Brooke Holland, Jon and Sarah Stepan, Stormy Johnson, Brandie Harris, and Emmy Shepherd.  It is surreal that this blog post  less than three months ago sparked what is now a reality!  Let me just encourage all of you to walk in what God has asked you to do even if it is to "just" cast the vision!  He will send who and what you need to do it!  This project is walking proof of that!

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

One month from today!

Paizley is due one month from today!  I can't believe how fast time is going.  We finished our last birthing class last night.  I have to admit as much as I dreaded the classes, they are when I get the most excited about  the baby coming.  I am still extremely reserved as things are still not great in that situation, but after a couple of good days, I at least allow myself to think about the "what ifs" of her living with us.

And then the panic sets in!  That has been the hardest part of this entire ordeal  As John and I talk about the potential outcomes, we always come back to the fact that there is just not a "good" outcome that we can look at and say, yes!  We want that!  Obviously the best and the one we pray is that Paizley is able to find the healing and strength it will take to be the mother to this precious life!  That is always the goal we are working toward.  But even that has so many struggles and demands for me (and her) that I find myself shying away from that outcome also.  As I have said many times, this journey is just hard! Paizley and I have both talked about how we wish things had been different, but there is no turning back time.  Oh how I wish young people (some older people too) but particularly young people would understand the implications - life long consequences - of decisions that seem harmless...like who you hang out with in class or believing the adults in your life who send up warnings about people you are dating or friends you are keeping.  Add to that the complexities of Paizley and us all trying to still get to know each other and learn how to live as a family....like I said, its just hard!

I thought by now I would be ready to embrace the role of grandmother.  I am not.  I have prayed through this.  I don't know the total block I have with accepting that role, but it is there!  I know part of it is fear!  Fear of not being a good Mimi.  I feel like I am just now figuring out how to be a mother, I don't want to take on the role of grandmother yet.  I am not ready.  But God's Word assures me that perfect love casts out all fear.  I am submitting my emotions to that truth and asking God to prepare my heart and mind to be the best Mimi I can possibly be to that little girl.  It is also hard because John and I still have such a responsibility for that child.  We are not her parents, but because of the situation as it is right now, we have the role of parent to her in many ways - yet we are not her parents and really can't view her as our daughter or all kinds of relationships in our home will be messed up!  I truly can't even get my mind around what that role looks like in our situation!  But that would be worrying about tomorrow, and today definitely has enough trouble of its own...so I will just make it through today!

And part of  today is that the we received a call at Addy's Hope from what is our first potential birth mother!  The responsibility of walking another woman through this most difficult time and heart wrenching decision is heavy on my heart this morning!  Then add the legal responsibilities to make sure I have all the forms, give her all the information, etc.  I would become totally overwhelmed and throw my hands up except that I remember agencies do this all the time!  And if they can do it, with God's help, I can do it!  And then I thank God that He keeps me reliant on Him by putting me in absolutely impossible for me situations!  I have come to learn to love the place in life where I can't possibly make it without constant communication and second by second dependence on the One with all the answers. It's a good place to be, really!

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Obedience

I had a conversation the other day that left me perplexed and has caused me to think....a LOT!  It was someone who I am in an accountability/mentor group with.  The discussion was basically about when walking in obedience to God requires someone else's yes besides just yours...like a spouses or a business partner, etc.  The statement was made, "I would never _____ because it would stretch my marriage too much.  We wouldn't survive it."  That left me perplexed.  Mainly because John and I have been at that cross road before, but we didn't say, no, we said yes!  So it made me go back and analyze and pray through that to see if we made the right choice.  Not that we can change it now, but it could change how I talk to others in the same situation.

As I shared in a recent post here John only wanted one child.  Having a baby rocked both our worlds, but John's was really rocked and he was quite sure he didn't want his world to be rocked like that again.  At the time Callie was born, our marriage was not real solid.  We were committed which is why we are 14.5 years into this marriage journey, but it was not strong.  As anyone knows who has a baby, that baby just magnifies the cracks in a marriage and at times makes those little cracks look and feel like the Grand Canyon!  That was true of our marriage also.

So why would we say yes to another baby 18 months later?  I have thought about that so many times.  And not just Noah's adoption but almost all of them since.  If we looked only at the condition of our marriage and our family at the time, we would not have said "yes" to any of our adoptions!  We would not have been "ready"!  I don't know that any marriage or family counselor would have given us the thumbs up to proceed either.  And the fact is, some of those "reasons" were right on and did happen! All of our adoptions have pushed John and I personally and also our marriage to new heights of frustration and struggles.  If the adoption process itself didn't threaten to rip us apart, then the difficulties adjusting to another child in the family did.  Many would look at that and call us irresponsible.  In fact, many who we have walked in close relationship with us during these times have!  One of the most common criticisms we get is that we are addicted to adrenaline and create drama to keep that going.  Let me assure you, I hate drama more than any person on this planet!  Ask my kids!  If I think they are starting drama, it gets shut down immediately!

In every one of our adoptions and other life changing decisions that God called us to it comes down to a very simple thing....did God say to?  If He did, what will our response be?

"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."  ~2 Corinthians 4:18 I think that this is the best response to someone saying they will not ___ because of a relationship or a stress following God would cause.  If we waited for conditions (the seen) to be perfectly aligned to follow God's direction, we would never do it!  And I think many Christians are stuck there, frankly!

Did adopting put a strain on our already not perfect marriage?  Absolutely!  Has our saying yes to God put us in a place that nearly tore our marriage in two?  Absolutely!  Does that mean we missed it?  I don't think so!  I think it means God is way more concerned with eternal things than with us walking in a safe and comfortable life without challenge or conflict.

Before I am crucified, let me say that I am not talking about anything that goes against scripture!  I am also not talking about anything you are divided on in your marriage to begin with.  On any of our adoptions, one or the other of us brought it to the table and in every one of them, the other was not on board to begin with.  We would never move forward as long as we were not both on board!  We waited to move forward in these situations until we both knew without a doubt the direction was from God and we were in agreement that we should move forward.  Moving forward when you are not both in agreement is not at all what I am speaking of. I am talking about when you walk the path God has asked you to walk, in total agreement, and it stretches you beyond where you ever imagined you could go!

Here's the bottom line, we grow when we are stretched!  I am doing a bootcamp right now and I can barely sit here long enough to type this post because my back is all our of whack from all the changing my body is doing.  I am pushing my body to physical limits like I never have before!  And any physical fitness expert will tell you that is where the reshaping takes place.  Well the same is true of our spiritual muscles.  They are reshaped when God stretches us beyond where we ever thought we could walk!

If God is calling you to "stretch", say yes! The thing is, you can't see what is going to happen when you say yes!  You may see the struggles, but you don't see what has been set into motion in the spiritual realm that will change lives for God's purposes!  Each one of my children is a warrior for Christ.  Had we not said yes - even in the midst of an imperfect marriage by two often struggling Christ followers, they might not have been raised in God's ways - trained for the life He has for them!  Fix your eyes on the unseen!  Trust God to get you through whatever He calls you to!  It's the only way to truly learn Who He is! Trust me, I know! :0)



Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Just some updates

I don't have a ton of time to blog this morning, but there is lots going on for those of you following me on this crazy ride! And I didn't want to leave you hanging...especially those praying, I want you to KNOW that your prayers are effective and are moving heaven and earth to accomplish that which you are asking!  Thank you and PLEASE keep praying!  So here is my life in bullet points this morning....somehow it seems appropriate since that is how I feel like I live right now...in bullet points! :)


  • Addy's Hope is shoring up our foundation!  Made a payment of a little over $1200 yesterday thanks to some very generous donations from those who read my letter!  Thank you!  We are now down to a little over $8,000 needed for Project Firm Foundation.
  • We have a little over $200 for Hope's Promise, the maternity home.  We had another team meeting today. The ideas just fly around the table!  It is exciting. We have our official event on June 29 - please be praying for the people who will be attending that they will know "if" they are supposed to have a part and if they are, what part is it!
  • We have our first major fund raiser set for November 7 - a clay shoot!  We are VERY excited about this and the possibilities!  We have another fund raiser in the works for October...stay tuned!
  • We had another team meeting on the maternity home today and it is crazy the ideas and energy that this team has as things pop around the table in discussion....and then they get it done!!!  They are A.M.A.Z.I.N.G!
  • I survived my second birthing class this week! Only two more to go and then the real count down begins!
  • We are still looking for office space and trying to figure out what that looks like for the agency.  
  • I am still trying to juggle being a working mom and a stay at home mom all at the same time..especially during the summer.  But definitely enjoying my kids being around more!
I think that is all them major points!  Lots more posts rolling round in my head..hopefully I can stop and get them down soon!  I need a vacation! :)

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Hope's Promise Update

We looked at the $500,000 property yesterday that was a home with an office.  It could work.  It had some definite strikes against it, like the overwhelming stench of animal urine when you walked in the door!  And it was way over priced.  But the prayers of you warriors were answered with another lead of a property that sounds like it would be perfect that our amazing Realtor thought of as she heard us talking about plans for the home.  The property is not for sale right now, but has been in the past.  So she is checking on it for us.  Will you please continue to pray?  Pray that if this is the property God has for us the owner would be willing to consider selling.  From what our Realtor said, it might just be a needed change for the owners as well, so I am praying this would be a perfectly timed blessing for them as well.  It is a property that would most likely allow us to serve 10 plus girls immediately!

The plan would be to purchase this property with the long term goal remaining: to purchase the God Promised land and build a larger facility.  The exciting part about the long term plan is that then the home we are purchasing now (whatever that turns out to be) would be a transition home for the moms who choose to parent and need a place to get on their feet!  We can continue to speak into their lives, teach them about Jesus and teach them to be mommies!  Honestly, that gets me so excited, I can hardly sit still!

Please don't stop praying.  As I have prayed this week, time and again I feel assured by the Holy Spirit that this will happen and will happen quickly.  But I have also been assured that the opposition will come just as fast and just as strong!  The enemy is defeated when we pray and walk in obedience. He is defeated when my friend brings her birthday money from her husband to get her hair colored to my front door to pay for the home instead!  He is defeated when a 12 and 14 year old girl sit two days in the heat selling cold drinks and telling people they want to help other young girls who find themselves in a hard place with no where to go but wanting to chose life for their babies!  He is defeated when girls are told to abort their baby or leave and they have a place to go so they can choose life! So please don't stop praying!  I assure you your prayers are effective!  I have never seen anything like what is happening with this home!  The way people are working together across "church" lines!  Well, I guess maybe I have seen it...when we built the orphanage in Liberia!  But I was just a bystander to the amazing work of Jeremy and Kami!

I will be applying for a grant from a local business that is very generous with community organizations.  They have given organizations in the past more than what it would take for us to just purchase this property (or whatever property God leads us to) right away!  I am believing God for something just as crazy as that!  God is ready to show His glory!  And I know how ever this happens it will be in a way that no man can take credit because it would only be possible by a Might God who works miracles!

Here we go....

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

In the beginning.....

The reason you have so many blog posts tonight is I can't sleep!  I have spent my time with Jesus to make sure there are no issues to deal with causing my sleeplessness.  I don't want to work...so I'm blogging! But the fact is, 11 years ago right now, I was probably not sleeping either!  But instead of blogging, I was probably looking at photo listings of children in orphanages around the world and crying over each one as I read their circumstances.  Or I was reading posts on African American hair care because we were kicking around the idea of adopting from Haiti - not because we had sought that out, but it was the only thing we thought we could afford.

It was the beginning of a journey so much larger than I could ever have imagined back then!  If you would have told me then what the next 11 years would look like, I would have dropped right then of a hart attack!  It's why God doesn't let us see the future, I am quite certain!

As I have pondered that beginning over the past months, I realized I have never really told that story in my blog.  So here goes!

Around May of 2001, God put adoption on my heart in a way that literally consumed me in a way nothing had before or has since!  I literally could not eat or sleep for the need to learn more about adoption.  Callie was probably neglected (at least in my terms of the attention a 15-18 month old should receive) for that time.  John and I would talk.  I would share with him that I was certain God was asking us to do something, but I didn't know what!  We had talked about adoption almost from the first date, I think.  We both wanted to adopt at some point, but had planned to have our children we wanted biologically first and then adopt, you know, because at the ripe age of 27, I wasn't getting any younger and needed to birth babies while I was still young.  Ha!  God proved what he thought of that! But John was still trying to adjust to having Callie.  He truly didn't know if he ever wanted any more children - adopted or birthed.  God proved what he thought of that, too! :)

John would come home from work and I would be sobbing over photos.  He would look at me trying to understand, but really just thinking I had lost my mind and wondering if the professionals needed to be called in, I am sure!  I remember one conversation when he came home one day for lunch after I had been reading profile after profile of children needing homes.  I said something like how can you look at these faces and not know that we need to adopt?  I don't remember what he said, but my response was, "you mean everyone who looks at these pictures doesn't feel the way I do?" He assured me that he  they did not! I guess that was my first glance into adoption as a calling on my life...I just didn't know it yet!

We would pray about what we should do.  And we would decide we would have another baby then adopt after that.  Great! That's settled!  Then we would go to bed - and I would toss and turn and feel an uneasiness.  Let me interject here that at this point in my spiritual journey I was just beginning to understand that Christianity meant more than just accepting Jesus as Lord and knowing you would go to heaven when you died.  God was taking me on a journey of learning who He is - a journey into the joy of intimate relationship with Him!  A journey I am still taking!  But my ability to "hear" God was almost non-existent at the time.  It was more peace versus unrest that guided me through this process.

Through all the tossing and turning and hours and hours on the internet, I discovered much about adoption that now amazes people.  First of all, the cps system assured me no children under the age of 5 would be available because they hardly ever had cases before they went into school or they were in sibling groups with school aged kids.  So that was out since we had a one year old and were not going to disrupt birth order! And once again God would prove what he thought of that too!  Also, would this be a good time to mention that in my family planning, I would NEVER have a need of a double stroller because all my children would be at least three years apart.  Anything closer would be radically unfair to the children. You can stop laughing now!  

Another fact about adoption at the time is that you had to prove infertility with many adoption agencies to even apply for their adoption programs.  Yes, that was only 11 years ago!  We weren't infertile!  At least we didn't think we were....we hadn't tried!  We just felt a tug that God had a child we needed to find to bring into our family.  Through my calling and researching, God would take me on, in hindsight, an amazing journey of facts and information that perfectly prepared us for Noah!  I literally marvel even 11 years later at how he mapped out those events in those three months.

We had finally settled on adopting from Haiti so that we would start the process January 2002 in order to bring home a baby around the first of the year 2003 (yes, Callie would be three in January...remember - no double strollers, children at least three years apart!).  I had joined a yahoo group (do those even exist anymore?!) for families adopting from Haiti.  I was soaking in all that I could from these families who had walked the journey.  I was so excited.  Looking back, I don't really remember the struggle to get to where we were ok with adopting a black child.  I knew from early on I wanted children from every continent (sorry, I know that is offensive to many adoptive parents...I promise, I mean it with a most sincere heart!), so it really wasn't an issue for me.  We did know it would be a stretch for our families as well as for the very small, very West Texas farming community we lived in.  John was the principal and we were the volunteer youth leaders for a very traditional southern Baptist church. So I really talked to no one, literally not another human being except John about the whole thing....initially!  It was lonely and overwhelming!  That is why I have such a passion for walking with people through the adoption process!  I have not forgotten those early days of gathering information.  I was so tired of people telling me to read their pamphlet or look at their website.  I wanted a voice!  I wanted another human, flesh and blood being to flesh out what I was thinking and answer the questions that raced through my mind almost faster than I could get them out.  

Through the Haitian adoption yahoo group, I met a lady who probably never knew the impact she had on our journey.  She sent me an e-mail one day and said she had read a comment I made about how we were not interested in the typical Caucasian baby girl that so many were seeking since we could have biological children.  (I don't know if this is still true, but then, typically, baby boys waited longer in orphanages than girls because people requested girls almost 2 to 1 over boys).  She asked if we had considered adopting domestically since African American boys in Texas were the hardest to place babies.  Well, we hadn't really thought of it for a lot of reason.  First, we were scared of the horror stories of biological families coming back and gaining custody of children who had been adopted.  Second, we thought international adoptions were safer...go ahead, you say it this time..God proved what He thought of that!  But most importantly, we didn't have any money.  But her comment intrigued me.  I have no idea where she got her information, so don't quote this as gospel, but she told me that at that time, the majority of African American babies in America were being adopted in Canada because white families in America would not adopt them.  I was mortified!  Not that Canadians are bad, but the fact that Americans would not be willing to adopt these babies when so many people were wanting to adopt simply because of their skin color made me furious.  So I started researching domestic agencies.  I printed the list of adoption agencies in Texas to begin my phone calls, and I lost count of the pages that printed!  I was overwhelmed!  But I began a the top and started calling.  I quickly found that most agencies had reduced fees for African American or bi-racial children.  I can't even begin to tell you how even now that makes me angry.  An African American baby's life is just as valuable as any Caucasian!  And if you can process an African American adoption for that fee, you can process that Caucasian adoption for the same fee..stepping down off my soap box!  But even the reduced fees were more than we could possibly afford.  And one other major difference in adoptions then, no one loaned you money or raised money for adoptions!  At least not anyone in any of our circles!  

In all my calling there was one conversation in particular that was an annoyance at the time, but God would use in a mighty way later!  One lady I spoke with at one of the agencies started telling me her personal story.  I don't mean to be rude, but it didn't apply to me!  She had given me the information I needed about her agency, and I already knew for reasons I can't remember that it was not a good fit for us.  I just wanted to get off the phone so I could call the other million agencies on my list to be told to look at the website that I had already looked at and found to be totally useless for the information I was seeking!  But she kept talking.  She told me about the daughter they had adopted from the foster system who had been drug exposed and had withdraws for the first few weeks.  Let me stop here and say, we had our "list"!  And her story was totally irrelevant for three reasons on that list!  One, we weren't going through the foster system because we had been told you couldn't find babies to just adopt and I could never foster or adopt older children (yes, God would prove what He thought of that also....seeing a pattern here?!).  Two, she said drug exposure.  We were not doing drug or alcohol exposure.  Period.  Three, her baby had an unknown father! Nope! Too risky!  But she told me her story anyway, and I did have enough tack to not hang up on her, so I heard her out.  She made a statement that would later be a game changer.  She said, "do not let drugs scare you! If you remove a child from the environment where they were exposed to drugs and intervene, then drug exposure doesn't have to mean life long consequences."  Her daughter was two at the time of our phone conversation.

So back and forth we would continue to go with our "planning".  Still researching domestic adoption, but really not finding any realistic options with fees still being $20K plus even with it reduced for African American programs and many agencies requiring infertility...yet I didn't really have peace about Haiti either..and John still wasn't sure he wanted another baby period!

At some point in my insanity I did share my struggle with a dear friend, Debbie.  She was a widow left to raise 4 children when her husband who had been the pastor of the church there had died of brain cancer.  Her oldest daughter had become and to this day still is like a sister I never had!  They lived in what was once a Church of Christ church, and we live in the parsonage across the "parking lot"...remember I said a very small farming community! She was the only person I knew at that time that I knew wouldn't think I was certifiably in sane for starting a sentence with, "I think God is telling me...."  I'm not saying there were not other people in that community that believed in the power of the Holy Spirit to "speak" into your life, I am just saying I hadn't heard them talk about it! We had already caused some ripples because we played the music with the youth on Wednesday nights really loudly and we played contemporary music...I sure didn't want word to get out that I was hearing voices!  

to be continued.......

I survived!

There are a couple of defining moments in this journey of becoming a pre-mature mimi that I have dreaded since I got what has become known as "the nod that changed my world" (that would be the nod to the 'are you pregnant' question asked).  One of those moments was birthing class.  I don't know why I dreaded them.  I mean regardless of the circumstances surrounding the conception of a life, the birthing of a new baby is one of the most precious and miraculous events on this earth, and being there at the birth of my grand baby will truly be an honor no matter what lays on the other side of the birth.  But the dreading of the birthing class is just one of the myriad of emotions this journey has taken me through that I really can't explain or even understand...something very difficult for a woman who typically is in control of her emotions and knows why she feels how she feels and how she will "fix" the feeling if it needs fixin' (that's the southern way of saying that for those not from around here!).  That has't been the case the last 7 months.  It's different than the hormonal ups and downs of a pregnancy, it's deeper.  The emotions cut to the core and effect my every fiber.  That is one of the things that has made this journey so difficult.

But I digress....the closer the time drew to leave for the class, the more I wondered if I would truly survive!  No, it doesn't make sense!  Its just a class, I get it!  But for whatever reason, I nearly lost my breath thinking of having to sit through the class as her coach.

Got off to a rocky start because she had the wrong location.  So to make matters worse, not only was I the grandma in tow, we had to walk in after the class was started!  Honestly, I just prayed it would be obvious who was there for the class, and they wouldn't mistake me as a participant also! Seriously!

I glanced around the room and quickly realized this would be four Monday nights of me....and the dads!  Yep! There are teen classes, but Paizley waited too long to sign up and they were all full...need even more evidence of the need for a teen maternity home here?!  The teen birthing classes fill up faster than the traditional class!

But about half way through the class, I realized my nerves were gone...I thought back to the ride to class and realized Paizley and I had some very candid, authentic conversations....the most intimate conversations we have had in a while.  And I immediately knew why!   I have a group of friends who have committed to pray for me each day of a week, and then some friends who I know are prayer warriors in general.  I had sent these women a message letting them know my apprehension and asking them to pray! I know how cliche it is to say you "felt" prayers, but let me tell you, I felt the prayers!  I was able to lay aside the emotions that have been between my daughter and myself for the past weeks based on events out of my control.  I was able to be there for her in a way a mother always wants to be there for their children!  It was a good experience!  I didn't just have to endure it, but God made a way for it to be a bonding moment for me and my daughter in a very struggling relationship.

So now I am left to practice my back and neck massage techniques and my hee-hee-who breathing!  Very different being on this side of things from the birthing classes I took 12 1/2 years ago!  For all you bonding and attachment gurus out there from the adoption world, you will be glad to know this nurse said the first thing you do when you get your baby is rip off the blankets and the gown (yours and the baby's) and get skin to skin for at least the first hour and a half!  Love that lady! :)

But I did leave the class with one very unexpected emotion!  I think it would be amazing to be pregnant again........

ok...I couldn't just leave it there!  I tried!  I really started to post it with that cliff hanger....but if I came up pregnant, I would not want my mother thinking I planned it or she would disown me! :)  I sent a text to my group of friends during the class saying, "ok now you need to pray for John because I think I want another baby" to which my amazing mentor replies "if God answers you with a smoking tablet written on by His finger..... :/" But even then, I don't think John would go for it!  So relax Mom!  There are no plans for number 8! :)  But then again, there were no "plans" for number 3 or number 7 either......

Maternity Home update....

I know several of you are following this crazy ride God has put us on to open a maternity home!  I know many of you are faithfully praying, so I wanted to give you an update.  We have an appointment tomorrow to look at the property I talked about in my last post!  Moving forward in faith!  We already have our first donation toward that property (or the maternity home in general) that came to my front door today in a most humbling gesture!  A dear friend had an appointment to have her hair highlighted as her husband had given her money for her birthday to get that done.  But instead she drove to my house and gave the money toward the home!  God continues to amaze me with the people He has involved in this project in just the few short weeks it has been in process.  We have people who see the need who do not even know THE Reason (aka: JESUS) we are doing this jumping up and offering their talents and services for our fund raisers.  We are praying they meet Him along the way! 

The team of people he has surrounded me with during this time continues to blow me away!  We left the last meeting with a goal to get invitations...by the end of the next day these women (and one man...can't forget Jon!) already had the template and wording ready and the invitations were ordered just a few days later! I would still be trying to find a template that I liked....remember, I'm the visionary! :)

We have a clay shoot scheduled for November 2 as our first fundraiser and we are expecting big things!  

Thank you for all the prayers and e-mails of encouragement!  Please keep them coming!  This work can get heavy, but the encouragement and prayer of those supporting us keep us moving forward and refocusing us on Him whose yoke is light!  

OH....and we have a name....Hope's Promise Maternity Home!

Here we go.....

Monday, June 4, 2012

Got $500,000?!

I think I have found the perfect house for Addy's Hope!  The only problem, we are $500,000 short!  We just got approved for our state contract in order to place waiting children available for adoption in the Texas Foster System in permanent adoptive homes which means WE NEED AN OFFICE!!!!!  This house has a beautiful home up front that would allow us to immediately open the teen maternity home while we raise the money for the larger home (that would be just a block away) AND has an office in the back that we can use to house the Addy's Hope office...growing into the larger home when we have the money to support it!

Here is the deal!  We are $500,000 short (well, only $499,900 because Callie raised $100 on the drink stand she set up at our garage sale).  We don't have funds for the down payment or monthly payments right now because our programs are still being developed.  But Addy's Hope has never worked on a surplus! Only on faith!  So I am believing in faith...funny thing is, God asked me to step up the faith and quit doubting and confess my unbelief about this area just this weekend!  Then I drive by this house a board member told me about last week and I can't believe what I see!  The perfect set up for where we are NOW!

God has taken me to Philippians 4:19 time and again over the past few months as He has challenged me to believe Him for the things He tells me He will provide.  The office and maternity home are two of those things!  It says in the amplified version, "and my God will liberally supply (fill to the full) your every need according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus." (emphasis mine)  And in my world $500,000 in the time frame we need is LIBERALLY supplying our need!  And I am going to take Him at his Word!  Until this opportunity is gone, I am going to ask Him and believe Him to provide for this.  And if this isn't it, I will look for the next opportunity because I know without a doubt that He will provide for the office and the maternity home as He has already confirmed it in His word!

And when He does, it will be for His glory!  That is the part that is so amazing!!  Whenever He chooses to provide the needs, I know He will do it in a way that brings Him glory and lets his goodness go on display for the watching world to see!

He is already laying the ground work!  In the last week, our local news station, CBS 7, had a post on the rise of teen pregnancies in Odessa and another on the local college giving over $1,000,000 in a grant for teen moms!  The need is there, the money is there, an I am trusting God to bring us what we need at the exact time!

You might just be the contact that helps us!  Asking for money is totally out of my comfort zone, but I find myself doing it a lot lately.  If you know of anyone who might have a few thousand they could donate, a company looking for a place to donate for a tax write off, or someone with a heart for ministry to pregnant teens or adoption who has a big heart and a small budget and wants to send their $5.  God can do this a dollar at a time!  Please share this with on your FB page or anywhere you can to spread the word!

And thank you in advance!  I will keep you posted and we can all sit back and watch God do His thing! :)