He Gives & Takes Away...even children

I started this blog several weeks ago. Like many posts I  begin in this season of live, it went unfinished. However, God has called me back to this one several times...I think because it is truly a stone of remembrance for me & a point of healing and encouragement for this journey...that I may need to reread down the road. But maybe you needed to hear this too! So here it is!


Sunday was a hard emotional day. John and I both have found that church is where the emotions of what we are walking with Ava tend to bubble to the surface and refuse to be squelched. Something about being in the presence of God surrounded by other believers that make it safe to feel. It's a good thing. It's a healthy thing.

But this Sunday was especially emotional! The worship team played two blast from the past songs that we had not heard in years! One of them was Blessed Be Your Name. This song holds a special place in my story - I was on stage with the worship choir at Stonegate the Sunday after Addy died. It had only been 4 days since we had received the call that would forever change my life - she had contracted cholera from dirty water and died. As that song played that Sunday, and I sang "You give and take away, my heart will choose to say Lord Blessed Be Your Name! When the darkness closes in, still I'm gonna say blessed be your Name!" I remember standing that Sunday, hands raised to the air, tears running down my face in obedience - in faith. That Sunday I didn't really believe the words I sang. I wanted to believe them. I wanted my heart to be able to say with confidence, with sincerity even in my current circumstance of pain, confusion, and suffering - my heart will choose to say Lord Blessed be Your Name. But I could only do the motions hoping my heart, mind, and soul would follow. But in reality, I was angry, confused, wanted to know "why", and was so hurt.

That was 13 years ago! As the song played this past Sunday I did the same thing. I stood - a mom facing another good bye of a child, heart hurting. I stood again hands stretched to she sky, tears streaming down my face my voice singing "you give and take away, still my heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be Your Name!" But this time, a smile was on my face - my heart meant the words my mouth sang. In that moment, I was taken back to that stage 13 years prior when my heart ached over my other daughter - my soul wrestled with how a good God could let this happen. My heart wondered how to trust a faithful God that allowed a baby girl to die right before she knew she has a mom. But this time, this Sunday, there was no wrestling. There was no questioning. I stood singing as loudly as I could through the tears and cracking voice that "blessed be your Name when I'm found in the desert place, though I walk through the wilderness, BLESSED BE YOUR NAME!" And this time, I MEANT IT! 

Pslam 56: 8 & 9 says

Record my misery;
    list my tears on your scroll—
    are they not in your record?
 Then my enemies will turn back
    when I call for help.
    By this I will know that God is for me.

In that moment this past Sunday, I knew in my mind, my spirit, and my heart that God is for ME!All the tears I have cried over earthly circumstances the past 13 years, all the wrestling with how can God be faithful, good, true, loving, when my circumstances say he left, he failed, he doesn't care - all those tears have been recorded - and the song they have written has left me with a confidence in my God being good, true, loving, and faithful! As I sang this Sunday facing similar circumstances - 13 years later - many hard roads later - there was no wrestling. There was no questioning. There was only adoration, thankfulness, and peace - oh sweet peace as I gave my Savior the praise I have come to know He deserves! There is something wonderful about getting older - it's maturity. It's living life enough for scripture to move from head knowledge to heart knowledge! I don't just "believe" the scripture now.  Now the scripture actually defines me! And because of that circumstances no longer define my view of God!

The second blast from the past song was "You Said". We sang that song over and over when we were leading the youth group 18 years ago in Cotton Center! These kids are now adults with families of their own. But we stood in that little country church declaring week after week that whatever we needed, God would provide because He said! We declared that we were asking for the souls of that small town to be turned to God - it's amazing how many of the kids who stood singing those songs with us now walk with the Lord and are teaching their children about Him! Makes my heart smile.

As I was reminiscing on those things, Ava turns and wraps her arms around me to the point that I have to turn to face her so that we are in a full bear hug. She pulls her head back, looks up at me and says, "This is so comfy and safe." I tell her I am so glad through the lump forming in my throat. She lays her head back on my chest and we sway for a few more measures of the song before she pulls her head back again and says, "This is what heaven is like!"

The dam broke. I stood with tears rolling down my cheeks falling into her hair as we held each other swaying to the rest of the song. I wondered just what God was whispering to her - but it felt too sacred to ask. I stood praising Him for encouraging her with His presence and taking away all the fear she may have about her future, and at the same time I stood in awe that He once again was using Ava herself to bring me comfort and peace for the journey. She had nothing but pure joy, peace, excitement on her face as she thought about her home where she will be sooner than any of us had anticipated. There was no fear. No anxiety. No worry. That my friends is the work of an almighty, trustworthy, dependable, faithful, loving, amazing Heavenly Father!

I am quite certain Ava in that moment was living out what Paul describes to us in 2 Corinthians 5:

We are convinced that even if these bodies we live in are folded up at death like tents, we will still have a God-built home that no human hands have built, which will last forever in the heavenly realm.  We inwardly sigh^[a] as we live in these physical “tents,” longing to put on a new body for our life in heaven, … So, while living in this “tent,” we groan under its burden, not because we want to die but because we want these new bodies. We crave for all that is mortal to be swallowed up by eternal life. And this is no empty hope, for God himself is the one who has prepared us for this wonderful destiny. And to confirm this promise, he has given us the Holy Spirit, like an engagement ring, as a guarantee.

That’s why we’re always full of courage. Even while we’re at home in the body, we’re homesick to be with the Master— for we live by faith, not by what we see with our eyes.  We live with a joyful confidence, yet at the same time we take delight in the thought of leaving our bodies behind to be at home with the Lord.  So whether we live or die^] we make it our life’s passion to live our lives pleasing to him.

I am one of "THEM"!

I haven't been much of a blogger lately.  It has not been for lack of material to blog, just lack of time to blog it.  But I am hoping to change that.

The last two years have been quite the season.  I don't think I would go so far as to call it a dark night of the soul, but to say it has been a season of pruning and stretching doesn't quite pay homage to the depth of work God has done in my life.  I hope you will see in the posts to come that God has radically change my life through the course of these past 18-24 months.

This quote by Bill Johnson in When Heaven Invades Earth probably best sums up my journey: "It's important to understand God's promise and purpose for the Church so that we might become dissatisfied - so that we will become desperate. Intercession from insatiable hunger moves the heart of God as nothing else can." Over the past 15 years, God has taken me to places that I was quite sure I was at the end of myself.  However, if those places were the end of myself, then this past season left myself in the dust and took me to the end of a place I didn't even know existed!  But in that place I became desperate for God in a way I have never been.  And God was true to His word: when we seek Him we will find Him!

So often in this past season I found myself desperately clinging to the promises of the Bible while trying to line up my circumstances and reality with what the scriptures said.  To put it bluntly, they didn't mesh!  So my search began for why they didn't!  What I found has changed me forever.  What I found showed me that while I survived this season, I lived most days in defeat with bloody wounds where I had allowed the enemy access he should have never had.  I did the best I could with that I knew then.  I have some regrets, but I have no condemnation or "I shoulda's" because I truly lived this season on my face begging for wisdom, direction, mercy and grace.  There are a few things I can look back on and wish I had handled a different way, but I also remember the despair and weariness of those times....words that demonstrate even more the defeat I lived in many days.

I am walking out of this season with revelations about God - not head knowledge about who God is said to be, but heart experience about who He is to me!  There is a difference!  We have a new kitchen which is a blog post for another time...part of that remodel is an amazing pantry, and on that pantry floor is Psalm:8, "Taste and see that the Lord is good." I don't know that I purposely set out to "taste" in this season, but walking out of it, I can testify that I have tasted, and indeed the Lord is good!   Yes, my family was turned upside down and inside out.  Yes, my ministry and calling on my life has been tested and attacked.  Yes, I have a daughter who is not a part of my life right now.  Yes, I have a grand baby who has no idea who MiMi is.  Yes, I have another grand baby coming into this world in June who I may or may not get to hold in my arms.  Yes, my identity has been turned upside down as defined by stay-at-home mom.  But there is not a path that I have walked the past months that I would not walk again.  Could I head down some of the paths if I knew what they would hold, no.  That is why it's called faith! If it was sight, I would surely have turned around or fainted from fear at what was coming up.  Do I wish some of the paths had taken different turns, absolutely!  But the paths on this journey have brought me to a place of desperation for intimacy with God like no other time in my life.  And for that, I am eternally thankful!

It will take awhile for me to get it all out here, but I will write as God leads.  It's part of my instruction for 2013 - share what God has taught me and walk in obedience!  But what you  need to know about me is now I am one of "them"!  I have been radically touched by a living God.  I have experienced His presence like never before in my life...and once you have experienced Him, there is no turning back!  Holy Roller, Charismatic, Jesus Freak, Radical, Weird, Over the top, what ever the title used to describe one who is totally and completely sold out to Jesus with no box to keep Him in and only the expectation of new revelation and a desire to bring honor and glory to God like never before, well that's me.  We have a saying at our house right now, "The weirder, the better!" - not for "weird" sake, but for the purpose of experiencing God in life changing ways that allow us to then touch others in life changing ways.  

Before you right me off and quit reading because I have left theology for "feelings", let me leave you with a couple of thoughts that when put together should challenge any American Christian - "Unless I do the works of the Father, do not believe me." John 10:37 NKJV And in the words of Bill Johnson, "Jesus gave people the right to disbelieve it all if there was no demonstration of power upon His ministry.  I hunger for the day when the Church will make the same statement to the world. If we're not doing the miracles that Jesus did, you don't have to believe us." And before you discount him, let me leave you with this final word - "Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes in me will also do the works that I do; and greater works than these he will do, because I am going to the Father." John 14:12

Challenge: based on this standard, who would believe you?  And if you are not using this standard, why not?  

Check back!  Let me share where I was....it was a long trip to this place!  Don't discount it yet.  Hear me out.  All of us who have accepted Christ as our Savior have the authority and power to walk each day in victory here on earth....we don't have to wait until we die and go to heave...Your Kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven! And that's my prayer for each of you!

More of You, No Matter the Cost!

I've really got to stop writing posts like the last one!  Seems that every time I do, I'm challenged on the truth I put into words.  Later the same day that I had written the post, I received a letter in the mail that opened a firestorm of events in my life.  Events that would bring a first for me.  You know when you say on a phone call, "get this fixed or you will be speaking to my attorney?"  Well, I had to make good on that for the first time in my life yesterday!  Someday I will share details - but right now, please pray for me.  I am up against a system in our society that I have learned this week is known for it's retaliation and blackballing of people who whistle blow.  And anyone who knows me knows that nothing gets my blood boiling like injustice....and this system works with underprivileged people all the time!  If they are doing this to me, I cannot even imagine what they are doing to those who do not have an understanding of the system or have the means to fight this giant!  It is on their behalf that I will fight this!  I wear a bracelet that says, "Be the Change!"  Putting feet to that in this situation.

Then we get news about a family member that sent us to our knees in fear as well as concern and overwhelming sadness.  The battle with the social system had me once again wanting to walk away from the work that I do.  I know the enemy is out to get my ministry.  It is evident.  As I was in between phone calls on Monday dealing with the current issue, my phone rings and it is a reporter from the New Yorker calling to fact find on the piece I gave information for over a year ago (that honestly I thought had already gone to print and I just missed seeing it) about the corruption in adoption in Liberia when we worked there.  I am going to have to find the post of when we brought Toben home and re-post...not even sure I ever really posted about it because it was such a traumatic event at the time.  Google my name.  You will find a news article that says I trafficked children.  That was what we found when we got on US soil with our precious Toben after a 10 day fight!  Working internationally and accused of child trafficking.  Working domestically, and now this.  It was as if God was sending me a message with the call from the New Yorker..."Remember what happened when the enemy did this?  You spent a couple of weeks worrying if the FBI was going to show up on your doorstep and arrest you.  Nothing came of that!  You almost laugh at it now.  You will do the same of this situation!"  It was in that moment that God solidified once again the call He has on my life.  I'm not special!  He has a call on all our lives...you have one on yours too!  And then He reminded me of the week I went to Austin and had some life transforming moments with Him.

I listened to Bill Johnson podcasts all the way to Austin that week.  He spoke right to my soul!  He taught on some things that God has used to literally transform my life, my thinking.  The podcast that challenged me the most was "Being the Sacrifice Fire Falls On".  Google it and listen to it, but beware!  It is life changing!  God reminded me yesterday that I had prayed the same prayer Bill Johnson prayed....more of you, God, no matter the cost!  When Bill Johnson prayed that, he woke up paralyzed three nights in a row.  It's an amazing testimony!

Within weeks of coming home from that trip where I prayed with all my being to experience more of God and to know Him at a different level than I ever have, a child left our family, my house was torn apart by a remodel, my marriage hit some bumps and my ministry is threatened!  Every area of my identity has been rocked!  The small voice came back, "Do you still mean it?  Do you really mean  whatever the cost?"  And in the face of all the conflict, especially the threatening of my ministry, and in a moment that I truly believe God was saying, "You can walk away!", I knew I really did mean it!  More of God, less of me, whatever the cost! Bill Johnson says it best:

"Doesn't matter what it costs.  I died to that a long time ago.  I'm not in this because of what I get, I'm in it because it's what I was born for.  I was summoned.  I was called by The Only One who has a right to rule my life. I was summoned, I was called by name.  I would be a fool to say no to that summons, that call, that invitation. [I have a desire] to be the offering, that which attracts God."

Don't hear me say that God puts us through trials for kicks or for His own pompous need for us to need Him.  Nothing could be further from the truth!  He allows trials in our lives for our own need of Him.  In our weakness is when He is strong. It is in our raw need that we see Him the most.  It is in our desperate times that we learn to lean on Him...when we literally have nothing or no one else. And that is where these events have left me!  Raw, vulnerable and totally open to the presence of God because He is the only One who can bring peace.  I have learned to find contentment in any and all circumstances.  I have learned to not be led by emotions.  I have learned to trust Him and fight the enemy not believing the lies the enemy tries to throw at me.  I have learned to live by faith - being sure of what I hope for and certain of what I do not see - in a way I never have.  I have been challenged to believe that without faith it is impossible to please God and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him!  To believe any of that, I had to believe what I read in the Bible is truth and "reality" and not my circumstances!

And in the face of it all, I say, if I get a more intimate knowledge of God and relationship with God in the exchange, I say, YES!

When you have done all else....STAND

We are one week and 6 days into life without our oldest daughter.  Honestly, I'm not sure even still what life should look like.  John and I talked about it last night.  We have to face the heart wrenching possibility that she will never reconcile to our family.  We only had her a year and a half.  She may decide to find her "family" somewhere else.  Circumstances right now would say that is the case.  Where she has chosen to place herself is a toxic environment - physically, emotionally and most of all spiritually.  Family and friends ask us, "What now?"

God has given me Ephesians 6:13 twice in the last few days "and, having done all [the crisis demands], to stand [firmly in your place]."  That's what now!  We have just begun attending a new church - a post for a later time - and our new pastor's wife, Tonya, handed me a piece of paper with a couple of scriptures on it Sunday.  This was one of them.  And with it, she had written the Greek for withstand - "anthistemi - to cause to stand; suggests vigorously opposing, bravely resisting, standing face-to-face against an adversary, standing our ground...with the authority and spiritual weapons granted us we can withstand evil forces."  That is what now!  I will stand against the devil himself for my daughter!  I will fight for her until my last breath!  It's what a mother does!

Now before you put me on some sort of spiritual pedestal, understand that the last few days have not been all that great.  In fact, last night, I lost it and sobbed shaking the bed enough to wake the dead - aka John when he sleeps!  I haven't been able to spend as much time in the Word with school starting, so the lies of the enemy began creeping in.  My thoughts wondered to places that had me focusing on circumstances and not Truth.  I have had my moments of despair where I wondered if my heart could ever forgive someone who walked out on me and made the accusations she has made that caused us - and our other children - to walk through circumstances I would never in a million years have dreamed I would find myself.  But as God tends to do in my mothering of all my children, He keeps bringing the correlation between my daughter and myself to my God and me.

I meet with an amazing woman of God each week.  The Truth and wisdom she has been imparting to me over the last year is honestly the only reason I can stand under the weight of what is going on in my family right now at all.  She has taught me the Truth of the Secret Place in Psalm 91 and of how we soar on wings like eagles without growing weary or fainting.  She has taught me how to be hidden with Christ!  I am so thankful.  We started  a new book this week.  And it came with a disclaimer from Becky.  She warned us that we are entering enemy territory because we are about to upset his apple-cart with what we will learn in this book.  My answer....BRING IT ON!!!!  I couldn't even get past the intro without having to stop and process.  It is good stuff!  And it has made me reflect on the past year and a half with Paizley.

The book is Shattering Your Strongholds by Liberty Savard.  Here is one of the nuggets that got me to thinking: "The problem is this: even scripturally correct truth cannot always penetrate a soul that is filled with stronghold thinking....He does not change, bypass, or override our memories and beliefs; He just keeps offering His love and truth until we finally become willing to exchange our old beliefs and old ideas for them." Wow!  I don't think I could sum up the past year and a half with any better words.  In my weakness I take the rejection personally, but when I am standing in faith and trust in God, I see that this whole thing has little to do with me and a LOT to do with a battle over a soul!

God gave me some scriptures for Paizley over a year ago.  If I reacted the way my old self would have - like my old self of about 10 months ago - I would be shaking my finger at God and asking why?! But I am walking in a new lever of trust, faith and understanding of the character of my God!  I know that the path my daughter has chosen is not the path God would have chosen for her.  Just like I walk on paths at times that God would not choose for me.  The fact is, when we do that, we are outside God's perfect will.  His Word is clear that He will not force Himself nor His will on anyone!  We are free to choose!  Liberty Savard says it this way, "This partial verse [1 John 3:8 The reason the Son of God was made manifest (visible) was to undo (destroy, loosen, and dissolve) the works the devil has done] tells us that the reason the Son of God appeared on Earth was to destroy the devil's works - to loosen and dissolve them - and He will provide what we need to do the same thing. This is God's will, but your will has to make a choice to call your life on Earth into alignment and agreement with God's will in Heaven.  God will not force you to do so, but He will help you." (emphasis mine)

So many times Christians become disheartened, and I have done the same thing, because something God gave us to pray for didn't happen.  For me, this has always in the past put me on a downward spiral to doubt and unbelief.  But now I understand many times when the outcome is not favorable, it is because a free will was exerted.  It is important of me, and I think all of us, to understand this so that I don't become disappointed or disheartened with God over the outcomes of circumstances and situations that involve humans!

Now, God doesn't teach me lessons like this to sit in judgement!  He teaches me lessons like this to put the magnifying glass on myself!  You don't watch a child walk away from your family without lots of self-reflection!  At least, I don't see how you could.  As I watch my daughter walk away, I am challenged to ask what I have walked away from?  What has God wanted to teach me that I have turned a deaf ear and blind eye to?  What plan has God had for me that I let circumstances or feelings dictate the path I took instead of standing on Truth!

There are a couple of circumstances in my life right now that are threatened by feelings and sight to cause me to give up.  No one in their right mind would advise me to push forward if I laid out the pro/con list or spelled out the details.  But here's the deal, when we live according to Biblical prinicples, we are not in our "right mind" - we are in the "Mind of Christ"!  And that operates according to rules and order that we don't understand here on earth!  Doubt me?  Jesus was born to a virgin.  Jesus raised Lazerath from the dead and then raised himself from the dead.  Jesus fed 5,000+ with a few loaves and fish.  When society gave up on a woman, he went to the well to meet her one-on-one and spoke life.  Peter walked on water - at least until he took his eyes off Jesus.  Jonah was swallowed by a big fish and spit back up.  And I lived through a child walking out my door with my granddaughter!

So if you are facing a circumstance that seems insurmountable or God has called you to what appears to be the impossible, let me encourage you!  Another scripture that has come up multiple times in different ways this week is Matthew 17   "Then the disciples came to Jesus and asked privately, Why could we not drive it out? ²⁰ He said to them, Because of the littleness of your faith [that is, your lack of ^[h]firmly relying trust]. For truly I say to you, if you have faith [^[i]that is living] like a grain of mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, Move from here to yonder place, and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you."  NOTHING! That word does not leave room for argument - with faith, no thing is impossible for you!  And when you've done all else, stand!  Then watch the enemy run!  James 4:7  I pray you see your mountain start to shake today as you stand in faith and say to it MOVE!  I'm watching mine do the same!  

The Journey: Some processing and a FAITHFUL God

Yesterday was  quite the day.  Spent all morning at the police station.  When a situation is so bad that John considers getting politically involved to change the process, you KNOW it's serious!  I want to change all injustice, so not such a big deal when I want to do that!  Well, after dealing with the Midland Police Department for the last year, John wants to get politically active!  You really can't make this stuff up - the stories we have about what the police have done and said!  It's crazy!

I was able to see and talk to Paizley for the first time since she left.  I assured her nothing she has done or can do will ever change the fact that she is my daughter.  I was able to look her in the eyes and tell her that I still have hope!  I was able to speak the truth of God for what could be one last time - even reminding her of the Words God has given her through other people as late as last Wednesday warning her about such a time as this.  I was able to kiss Peighton.  I cried.  I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest or just explode all together as I watched my girls walk away.  I cried out to God many times...right there in the detective's conference room..and out loud!  I am not playing around with spiritual battles!  I will take all that is mine through the authority I have in Christ.  I will leave nothing on the battle field for lack of walking in authority.  We had the favor of God in many instances.  We walked into a very hostile environment and walked out with the detective sympathizing with us and even telling Paizley no one will ever care for her or love her like we do - adopted or not.

But probably the brightest moment of today actually happened Sunday, I just didn't understand the significance until yesterday.  Sunday during church, one of our pastors stood up and talked about gifts and how we are called by God to use our gifts for His kingdom and purposes.  I kind of dismissed it because I totally get that and believe I am in a place where I am truly doing that in work and am getting involved in church.  But at some point during the talk, as clear as if God was sitting beside me, the Holy Spirit spoke.  "The enemy will use what is happening to steal what you are doing with adoption and children in state custody.  He will not prevail because I have uniquely designed and gifted you for exactly this work.  Your experiences and knowledge in the things of this work are invaluable to what I want to do."  When I heard it, I kind of was startled.  When we have struggled with Paizley at times in the past, I have cried out to God asking how I could ever ask other families to adopt children from the foster system knowing what might be about to happen to their family.  I have questioned if I really believe in what I am doing with the state adoption program.  But the training I took in San Antonio - sitting with other professionals in this area - really solidified for me that I am doing exactly what I need to be doing.  Because of my experience both professionally and personally, I can train and equip families for this process like few others who are doing it professionally can.  And also, I have an amazing daughter who I still believe will go mighty things for the kingdom some day because of waiting child adoption from the state!  So the thought that I would let even Paizley running away keep me from pursuing this work came as a shock to me.  But I took what God said and started analyzing how I felt asking God to reveal any hidden regrets or fears or doubt I had that would cause him to encourage me in that way.

Sitting in the detective's office yesterday, we learned some things about the process because of Paizley's misrepresentation of us and the events that surrounded her leaving.  The initial news of some of what will take place as the process plays out were potentially devastating and could have had me worrying about even being able to keep the agency open at all!  The detective stepped out for a minute and John and I talked some about what had been said so far.  I broke down.  Fear started to creep up.  Then God brought the words He had whispered into my ear on Sunday back to my remembrance, and I literally laughed out loud!  My God, my Faithful Father had already spoken peace and encouragement and victory over a situation that He knew was about to happen and had the potential to shake me up.  But because my hope is in Him, because He is my firm foundation, because He is my Deliverer and my Defender, I was not moved!  Fear left.  Worry stopped. Doubt fled.  Peace flooded me.

See that is the faithful God I serve!  My amazing spiritual mentor, Becky, often reminds us of a quote that one of her past pastors said, "You prepare for battle in times of peace so that in times of war you are prepared."  God has been teaching me, equipping me, loving me, drawing me closer to Him over the past two 15 years, but in God boot camp for the past two.  I am in His Word and alone with Him almost daily without fail.  I have to be.  He is literally my very breath most days.

But let me tell you, being equipped, gaining knowledge, just storing up arsenal of a spiritual fight is not my motivation for getting in the Word and spending time with God.  He is my motivation!  The more I learn about Him, the more time I spend with Him.  It's just like friends we have in the natural.  When you meet someone, you might not make time to go have coffee or lunch.  But as you get to know someone and learn that when you are around them you feel alive and free for some reason.  When you leave them you feel refreshed, encouraged.  We all have friends like that, and when they call and say, "we need to do coffee", we find a time!  It's the same with God.  The more I get to know Him, the more I make time for Him because I want to know Him more!  I want to know more about who He is, about how He operates, about what He wants for me.

We live in a society and a culture that can be scary.  I know more than I ever wanted to know about a lot of our society and the true condition of what my children are growing up in over the past year.  I realize now that I lived in a glass bubble concerning the world that we truly live in.  Part of that is where we live.  And part of it was just the mere fact that I don't have opportunity to get outside our little world much into the culture that exists outside my home and our church.  But I have been thrown full force into it this year and much of it has even touched my very home through some decisions of my daughter.  It's has never been normal at our house for police to show up on your door step at 10 at night!  At times I have despaired over the condition of the world and wondered what my children will face.  But the closer I have drawn to God, the more excited I get.  You see the darker the world is, the brighter the light of Christ will shine!  If you have a flashlight on in the middle of the day, it doesn't really do much.  But you turn that same flashlight on at midnight, and you completely change your environment!  It's midnight people!  Our lights should be changing our environment!!!!  What a blessed time we live in!  What a time for God's people to offer hope to a country that needs it!  Yes, my kids will have battles I never did, but God is also equipping them for the time they live in!  My daughter sees angels - has seen them many times.  She has spiritual awareness that I long for and has had since she could speak...and probably before, she just couldn't tell us!  I can't wait to see the impact for the kingdom my children have on this dark world!  I don't fear for them, I am excited for them!  Side note - because of the world I know they will grow up in, I know I have a bigger responsibility than probably any generation before me to equip them with the Word and knowledge and wisdom of God's ways in order for them to fulfill their kingdom purpose - and if you are a Christian, you do to!

God took me to Haggai 2 about four months ago (you don't get to Haggai on accident!).  It says this, "In a little while I will once more shake the heavens and the earth, the sea and the dry land.I will shake all nations."  As Becky says, we are living in a time when everything that can be shaken is being and will be shaken so that those things which can't be shaken - the things of God - will remain!  Praise God!  

I have never been more excited to know my God and be a Christ follower!  I know Him in a way I never have and I am madly in love!  Yes, I am in what has probably been the most devastating circumstances of my life - I am walking out something that I could never fathom - and frankly even in the middle of it can't quite get my head around it if I try to really think about it.  But here is the absolute truth, because I serve an all-powerful, totally sovereign, absolutely loving and so faithful Father, I will not be moved.  I will rise above my circumstances.  I will sore on wings like an eagle.  I will walk and not grow weary.  I will remain hidden in His secret place, protected, loved, peaceful.  I will remain stable and fixed with my eyes set on Him watching, waiting, listening for His voice telling me, "This is the way, walk in it!"

Oh!!! If I could just come through this screen and sit with any of you reading this and beg you to know Him!    Don't just know of Him, KNOW Him!  Don't just go to church on Sunday and call yourself a Christian.  Yes, if you have given your life to Christ, you are a Christian....but that is not the end...it is just the beginning!

He has great and wonderful things for you.....they are hidden in Him!  And as you peel back layer, by layer of His wonderful character, you will stand amazed!  And when life wants to beat you up, you will stand strong saying, bringing it on!  I know the truth!  We win in the end!  Thank you, God!

God speaks, are we listening?

This past week has been a difficult and challenging one! Despite the much needed vacation the first part of the week! John and I were able to go on a retreat for his work without children for three days. It was a much needed mini-vacation!



We are still walking out this journey that I have been talking about. I get resolved that we are to continue, I even get excited about parts of it. Then something happens. My eyes look down - I lose focus of the Author and Perfecter of my faith - and I get scared! All the fears and doubts rush in and I become a basket case. All peace leaves. I stomp my foot on the ground and scream, "I'm not going to do it! I am not going to take on this task that has the potential to destroy me, my marriage, my family, etc, etc." (By the way, I don't really recommend stomping your foot at God and telling Him no! However, I do know that my God is big enough to handle it and likes it when I am real with Him...then He can deal with me!)



My struggle is internal. We had an AMAZING discussion last night at our small group about trust. We are doing a wonderful study at our church on trust. I will post the link for the pod casts. I highly recommend them if you want to go further with God. If you don't, then don't listen to them! There really should be a warning on them that says, "Warning: Will most likely rock your world if you listen and obey!"



Even though my struggle is internal, over the past week, I have externalized it. Let me explain. When something happened in my physical world that fed my doubts and fears, I would lash out at that thing/person. I will be apologizing to my family this evening for many times this past week that I was not kind! I am struggling with physical fatigue right now in a new and very frustrating way! How in the world will I do this thing God says to do when I am so tired now that I don't get the tasks completed that I need to today? He wants me to do more?!



Yes! He does! I realized in our small group discussion that this is once again a trust issue with me and God. I have been looking at it as I don't have the faith. We talked last night about the difference between faith and trust. We talked about that faith is the belief (Heb 11:1), but trust is the walking out of that belief! I prayed early on in this journey for God, the Author and Perfecter of my faith, to do some writing because I didn't have the faith to walk this road. He answered that prayer. He gave me the faith. So I said yes, and we continued. However, with each step in faith, I must trust more! There in lies the problem with externalizing my struggle! If I struggle with the people in my life feeling like they don't support me, then I am "trusting" in them to make this thing happen or work. If I struggle with the fatigue and how I will accomplish all that it will require, then I am trusting in my own physical strength. These are all misplaced trusts! God is calling me to trust Him and Him alone!



I thought I was past my trust issues. And I am...in some areas! Now God is stretching me further. He is asking me to trust Him even more! He is asking me to not look at circumstances, to not look at people, to not even look at myself except that I have willing heart, but to look at Him! To keep my eyes on the prize! Why is that so hard?!



Hebrews 11 has long been one of my favorite chapters in the Bible. God took me there this morning and then to chapter 12. I have thrown a fleece for this thing he has asked us to do. I have never thrown out a fleece in my life, but I felt I needed that much of a tangible to move on in this...when Gideon threw a fleece in Judges 6, it was because he lacked faith to believe what God was telling him. That was exactly where I was with God. God answered with affirmation that we were to move forward. So my faith was increased. I thought I was home free!



But as the day of fulfillment of this calling comes close and closer, I find it harder and harder to keep walking. That frustrates me with myself! But God is so gracious! I have prayed many times for him to confirm for me that his is what He wants us to do. Even after He answered the fleece throw! (Not exactly sure that is the right lingo for that!). But again this morning, my Heavenly Father, Abba, who loves me enough to take me to His word and confirm again this call He has given us, has greatly encouraged me. It is a crucial reminder that throughout this journey, I must keep my eyes on Him! I am so thankful that I serve a God who never gets tired of me asking for His confirmation as I take each step of this journey!



So for those reading this who wonder what in the world I mean when I say, "God speaks?" Let me explain with practical application to my conversation with God this morning.



I started by asking Him to encourage me in the walk before me today. I asked Him to confirm for me that the direction we are walking is His path. Then I started my Bible study that we are doing. This week it is on discipline, so there were a lot of references to Hebrews 12. After I finished the study, I felt I needed more of God's Word this morning...just Him...not a study that talked about the Word, but The Word itself speaking into me. So I went to Hebrews. I started in 11 because as I stated earlier, that has long been one of if not the favorite chapter!



As I read verse 6 - and without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder for hose who seek Him - God said, Stop. Listen. There was a stirring in my spirit as I read those words. I started thinking about the last part and realized that my old doubts about God's goodness that stem from Eden not coming home and a few other situations that made me doubt God's goodness have resurfaced and the enemy is using those to make me doubt this path God has me on. The enemy is sneaky! He gets in your head and places little bits of truth. Like - "yeah, God will walk with you, but will He make it easy?" And - "if it is too much, you can just tell God no - His grace will cover that". There are bits of truth in each of those statements, but there is also a big twist on that truth. As I read Hebrews 11:6, The Holy Spirit wrote it on my heart. He gave me peace as I read that God does reward those who seek Him. If I say yes, there will be a reward! That reward may not be here on earth, but there IS a reward! Get behind me satan!!!! One for the Heavenly Team!



Encouraged, I continue reading. As I read verses 15 & 16, again, I feel the Holy Spirit fill me with peace and a little bit of rebuke, so I stop. "And indeed if they had been thinking of that country from which they went out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God; for He has prepared a city for them." A question pops into my head - "are you looking back at the "city" you came from where you were enslaved to fear and doubts and mistrust of God? Don't you want to go to the city God has prepared for you - a better country?!" I had to answer, YES! But God didn't stop there! This is what makes me know that I know God is real! Words that were written 2000 years ago can speak to exactly where I am today! Out of all the pages and words in the Bible, God brought me right here, TODAY! As I asked for encouragement and confirmation! Only a Supernatural God could answer that request - maybe chance could make it happen once or twice in a lifetime, but this happens day after day after day as I spend time with God and dig into His word! I get to Hebrews 12:25 - See to it that you do not refuse Him who is speaking. - Doesn't get any plainer than that folks! I often say that I just wish God would send me a text or e-mail! Well, I think He did today! The text came via the service provider called The Holy Spirit and my "phone" was my Bible! It was as plain as if it were those letters were rolling across my phone screen! But He didn't' stop there! God knows I'm dense! He was going to make sure I didn't miss the point this morning! I finished out Hebrews and read chapter 13.



I have mentioned before in my posts about this path we are on right now that I have never felt more ill-equipped for anything He has called us to. I never felt equipped for the agency, but this is even bigger. The consequences of faliure far greater and much more personal. But once again, that is a trust issue...trusting in myself and not God. But does God get mad that I am not trusting? Not my loving Abba! Instead, he sent me another "text"! (Pun intended!) Hebrews 13:20-21 ~ "Now the God of Peace, who brought up from the dead the great Shepherd of the sheep through the blood of the eternal covenant, even Jesus our Lord, equip you in every good thing to do His will, working in us that which is pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ..." Oh how I love God's word and the fact that the Holy Spirit resides in me to teach me truth! God will equip me! I don't have to be equipped right now! The God of peace will equip me...I can rest in peace in that! The same God whose power raised Jesus from the dead will equip me! If he can raise the dead, is there anything could happen on this earth that He could not handle and help me get through? NO!!!! I will daily fight the battle in my mind that tells me I can't do this - You have said I can through You! I will daily battle the thoughts that satan places that make me doubt God's goodness in this situation. I will hourly defeat the fear that rises up in me as I think of the practical day to day life this new path will put us on! How will I do that? By hiding these Words He has given me in my heart! By telling myself over and over that He will equip me! He told me so (Heb 13:20)! By telling satan I will not go back to the city from which I came that was filled with doubt and fear and mistrust! I will press forward to the new county that God has for me - the one flowing with milk and honey - and I will trust Him to take me there no matter who or what circumstances threaten to block my path (Heb 11:15-16)! I will not walk in a way that makes God ashamed, but instead, I will walk the path that makes God look at Jesus, jab him in the side with His Holy elbow and say, "That's my daughter!" as he grins from ear to ear!

Praise You, Father! How I love you! Let's get to walking!

It may be an all-nighter!

There is a really important meeting in Liberia this week regarding adoptions! It is "our" chance - the pro side of adoption to be heard. There is a new Justice Minister that has been named. She is looking over many issues that have been dealt with in Liberia - and lucky for us, adoption is one of them. She knows there are things that haven't gone as they were supposed to - like us paying money directly to the Ministry of Health - which is not supposed to be done according to government protocol. Eva Morgan has already been removed from her post at the Justice Ministry - Praise God!! She is the one who said, "This is not America. They don't need to eat three times a day." And in a meeting I was in and heard for myself, she said, "Poverty is no reason for placing a child for adoption. Why do we have so many adoptions? Do we need more support for families?" Duh!!!!!!

But even with her gone, we still have the people in charge at the Ministry of Health who are totally corrupt. We need to be heard at this meeting. We will be dining with the enemies...but that's ok because Psalm 23:5 says that even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. God guides and protects me, and He has prepared a table before my enemies. My cup overflows! Praise God!

I believe this is what we have been waiting for! President Sirleaf was warned by me as well as other key people that listening to those on the Presidential Adoption Committee would cause her great embarrassment. She has been listening to lies of the corrupt. And as Psalm 10 promises: "You [God] have seen it, for You have beheld mischief and vexation to take it into Your hand
The unfortunate commits himself to You; You have been the helper of the orphan. Break the arm of the wicked and the evildoer, seek out his wickedness until You find none. The LORD is King forever and ever; nations have perished from His land. O LORD, You have heard the desire of the humble; You will strengthen their heart, You will incline Your ear to vindicate the orphan and the oppressed, so that man who is of the earth will no longer cause terror." Hallelujah!

So please pray! Pray that the truth will be told and heard. Pray that those in attendance of the meeting will be open to hearing the side of the adoption service providers that has been silenced by those in power. Pray that God will open the doors wide for the children of Liberia to be helped through adoption.

I will be fasting and praying July 16 for the meeting and all those in attendance. There are some adoptive parents who have flown over there to attend the meeting. We have one family, but there are some from other agencies as well. Pray that they are heard. We also have one of our older boys going to speak. Pray for him, his name is Prince. Pray that He would speak the heart of God and be bold for all the orphans he represents! He is an amazing young man!

I'm excited! For the first time since the turn over of the orphanage, God has shown me a glimpse of what all the letters I have written and the battles I have fought might be about to help accomplish. The coolest thing? Maria Luiken of WACSN, who is Liberian, is responsible for this meeting! I have always wanted the Liberians to lead the charge. Maria is an amazing women! She is very much responsible for my son being home. She has been under great warfare as she has battled for the children. We may not agree on everything, Maria and I, but the two things we very much see eye to eye on is: 1) we work and fight for children! We do this because we are called of God and love the children of Liberia and 2) we don't care anything about who getting the credit for the battles, we just want the victory! We just want the band lifted and the corruption stopped so safe adoptions for children can pursue! May it be, in Jesus Name!

Will you fast and pray with me? We need warriors! Pass this along, please! We all know that truly, these people in power are not who we are fighting for they only have the power God allows them to have! Our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the powerful forces of evil in this dark world! We need warriors praying to send these evil forces back to the abyss!

Can you tell I'm excited! :) God is bringing a new thing....a stream in the desert! That is the first thing I thought of when Maria called and we talked and I knew that this meeting really is crucial. So this may be an all-nighter! I have five years of documentation to go through and send to her to get to the Minister for review before the meeting! But Praise God I have documentation of letters written and letters received! The truth is in them! The path of deception and corruption can be found weaved in them....and it's time for it to be told! Praise God!

For the "professional" version of the meeting prayer request :) go to our Addy's Hope News Blog.

Dear Non-Public Profile Commentors,

Ever wonder why Christians aren't transparent? Take a look at the comments to many of my posts! I am transparent because I want other Christians to know I am not perfect like so many pretend to be. You know, put on the happy face and pretend you have it all together while the rest of us who are just honest aren't stable enough to pursue what God has for me.

Lovindaisies, I don't know who you are, and you don't know me. In fact, your profile isn't even available for me to have a remote idea of how you found my blog. If you are going to criticize you should at least put your identity out there. You don't have to agree with me. And if you knew me and was in the intimate details of my life and were one of the people whom I ask to speak truth into my life, then I would gladly receive it. But since none of those are true, let me ask you a question....why can't I hear God as clearly as Abraham? Do you not know that I serve the same God that Abraham served? Do you know that according to Matthew 11:11, there is no one (even Abraham) born of women who is greater than John the Baptist, yet the one who is least in the kingdom (so even if you think I am least because you see me as emotionally unstable) of heaven is greater than he! That means me...and you if you are a Christ Follower! So, yeah, I can hear God the same as Abraham! In fact, I have something Abraham didn't...I have the Holy Spirit who is my Counselor sent to abide with me and each of us who ask Jesus to be Lord of our lives! So in fact, I have a more intimate relationship with God than Abraham did! Because of the sacrifice Jesus made for me, and you, on the cross, I can go to the Father anytime I want through Jesus who sits at God's right hand in order to say "Not Guilty" at the attacks the enemy hurls at me in God's presence. Abraham had to wait for God to come to him or a Priest to take his prayer at the appointed time into the Holy of Holies. If you would like all the scripture references for the truths I just cited to check my theology, let me know. I will gladly look them up for you.

Or are you among the Christians who believe that God quit speaking when the Bible was finished? If so, then I can see where you have issue with the way I choose to live my life as none of it would make a bit of sense to you. You are looking at it through the limitations of a God who no longer performs miracles or calls us to do things beyond ourselves. Now, as I said, I don't know you, so I won't make those assumptions about you because that would be doing to you what you did to me. But regardless of what you believe, I believe that God is looking back and forth about this earth for people who will worship Him in spirit and in truth. I believe when He sees me, He sees an honest soul that wants her life changed by His power and wants to take a whole bunch of people with her on the journey instead of sitting silently in fear of judgement of people like you.

Am I emotionally stable? Well, considering all the Holy Spirit has whispered to me as I wrote this, I would say I am more than stable! My feet are planted on the Rock! As long as I choose the path He has for me, seek the counsel of those who know me and I trust because they share my belief in a God who is looking for a people group who want to see His miracles instead of putting Him constantly in a box, then yes, I am more than stable enough! My foundation is built on a Rock, not sinking sand! If I let the advice of those like you who don't know me derail the plans God has for me, that Lovindaisies would make me unstable!

To those who read my blog and like Lovindaisies may feel the need to comment because you think I am off in left field and without your comment that is from your hidden profile I will not have any truth spoken into my life, all sarcasm aside now, let me assure you that I make a practice to surround myself with people who I trust to be Godly and wise people to speak truth into my life. I make sure they are people just as strong as me that will not be intimidated by a strong personality and will flat out tell me when I am way out there! I seek those people out in accountability. In fact, I am meeting with one weekly right now. So don't feel the need to leave comments thinking if you don't, no one will speak truth to me. I'm trying to give you all doing that the benefit of the doubt here. And since you have never met the partner God gave me for this life, he has no problem standing up and telling me where I am wrong either! So all of you hidden profile commentors that don't know me can rest easy that truth will be spoken into my life if you don't...and since you don't really know me, maybe you shouldn't!

To quote a previous blog post of mine...probably one that made Lovindaisies think I was unstable ~ hee!hee! ~ I think this is a most appropriate time for this quote:


"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." Hallelujah! As Beth Moore's daughter, Melissa, said in one of Beth's recent podcasts, "Bring it on! Bring it on!" The fire will bring refining! Through the insults, hardtimes and difficulties, Christ's power will dwell in me!

Bring it on! Bring it on! This scripture just came to life for me as I responded to the comment on my lost post! For Christ's sake I delight in insults, in persecutions...I'm feeling stronger than I have in a long time! Confidence is back! The enemy will defeat me no more because I know Whose I am and to Whom I belong and Who calls me to care for His children. Stable? Yep! Rock Solid!

In Good Company!

When it comes to attacks and hardships, any of us experienceing conflict because of our beliefs or taking a stand...we are in good company! Listen to this!

"I have worked much harder, been in prison more frequently, been flogged more severely, and been exposed to death again and again. 24Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. 25Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea, 26I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my own countrymen, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false brothers. 27I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked. 28Besides everything else, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches. 29Who is weak, and I do not feel weak? Who is led into sin, and I do not inwardly burn?" ~2 Corinthians 11:23b-29

And then my favorite part. Paul is sharing about the thorn in his flesh that keeps him humble. I never really realized that is the context with which he then states: "8Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." Hallelujah! As Beth Moore's daughter, Melissa, said in one of Beth's recent podcasts, "Bring it on! Bring it on!" The fire will bring refining! Through the insults, hardtimes and difficulties, Christ's power will dwell in me!

Oh how I love my God, my Heavenly Daddy who takes me straight to a scripture like this at 4 in the morning after the week I have had full of so many conflicts! His word is alive and active! He loves me so much that He brought me right to the scripture that He knew would remind me why the fires come....He is completing my perfection until the day of Christ's coming! Is it hard? YES! Do I whine a lot? YES! But do I love that my God is working on me? YES!!!!!

Refine me Lord! The fire is hot, and I am excited! For when I walk out on the other side, I will look more like You than I do today and that is what will bring You glory...my whole purpose for being on this earth! Praise You!

And now, I am going to try and get some sleep! Good night! ;0)

I love it when He does that!

I love it when God encourages and speaks to me in my morning time with Him in such a real and tangible way! It is like he is sitting right next to me drinking His cup of coffee and looking over my shoulder saying, "That one right there! That is the verse you need to apply to that situation! That is what I have to say about that! Go back, read that again!" What a personal Savior we serve! Do you know Him? Have you walked away from Him? Go back!!!! No matter where you are in life, He wants to sit and have coffee with you! Not to criticize or to point out your sin, but to love and encourage you just like He did me this morning!

As I mentioned in my last post, there are some, the number seems to be growing, who are literally out to destroy me - Addy's Hope as an organization and me personally. Two years ago, they would be successful in their attempts that they have done, but today, I know where my identity is, and it is NOT in them! :)

But even more than just "sticks and stones may break my bones" thinking, God showed me in His word this morning what He thinks about what these people are doing who call themselves His children. See the work I am doing with Addy's Hope is NOT mine! It is God's! I am just the fortunate vessel that gets to be used to see God's hand at work! So when they attack, they attack God, not me.

Whether they call licensing, whether someone accuses me of child trafficking (that was from January 2008 and nearly did destroy me!), whether they question my motives, whether they look at our finances, whatever they want to call attention to, God showed me this morning what He thinks of that.

John 3: 20 "For everyone who does evil hates the Light, and does not come to the Light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But he who practices the truth comes to the Light, so that his deeds may be manifested as having been wrought in God."

If you investigate our past, my past (whether that applies to personal life or Addy's Hope) you will find mistakes! You will find things that should have been done differently. I am not perfect! This is especially true in the early years of Addy's Hope. Did we do anything illegal, no. Did we do things perfectly, no! I have always said we are a perfect example of God taking the totally ignorant and equipping them! When we started Addy's Hope 5 years ago, we didn't have a clue what we were doing! Not a clue! All we knew was God said, "GO!" and we said, "YES!" We were totally reliant on God for each step of the way. Sometimes we took a wrong turn and didn't do things the best way. But we have always sought to do things God's way! And that is what this verse is about!

Those who want to hurl accusations and attacks, bring it on! Because according to John 3:21, when you practice truth, your deeds will be manifested as having been wrought in God! I LOVE IT! We have always walked in truth! So come investigate! Tear our work apart! I have no fear of light, exposure, investigations (John 3:20) because I have NO fear of my deeds being exposed because I have always done my best to walk according to the Light! You will find mistakes as we are not perfect, but you will find no deeds deserving of the attacks these are launching.

I understand these people are bitter because they didn't get their child! I understand those feelings! Been there! Done that! Got the scars! Got the debt (that is a post for another time!)! But when we lost Eden due to true negligence and deceit we were very careful to walk in the Light then as well! We didn't publicly in anyway demoralize the organization and especially not the person! When asked about our adoption, we told the truth! We looked into what could be done to hold the agency accountable (not much!) and did those things. When asked what agency we used, we told. But we were very careful to handle it in the way we felt God would be honored and approve. So I know that even in the pain felt by these people hurling the insults, there is a higher road to take! I've walked it!

I know God has done a great work in my heart! When Eden's adoption failed 4 years ago, I had to work at not being bitter and forgiving those who caused me the pain. But today, well, I don't have to work at it. Is there anger, a little, at times. Mainly when I am already down and satan uses that as a jab! (which goes along with John 3:19 that says these works are evil....satan uses evil works to discourage the work of Jesus among His people...plus the main ones right now are doing everything "anonymously" which is NOT walkign in the Light! In the Light, all is exposed, most certainly your identity) But more than any other feeling is sorrow. Sorrow that people who claim to walk according to the Light would participate in such dark actions. People who claim to be children of God would act in such a manner only shows that they have no clue about the cross and the Savior they say they accepted as Lord. Sorrow that they walk in such bitterness instead of the joy that is supposed to be ours as Christ Followers.

So today as I go to work...a job that will not bring a paycheck this month because Addy's Hope is broke...I thank God that my work in Addy's Hope...even in the criticisms...has brought Proverbs 4:13-15 to life for me: "How blessed is the man who finds wisdom and the man who gains understanding. For her profit is better than the profit of silver and her gain better than fine gold. She is more precious than jewels; and nothing you desire compares with her."

We haven't gotten rich off Addy's Hope. In fact, just recently we have gone into debt a great deal because of it. But I have gained more wisdom and understanding of God's word and His truths than I could have ever imagined! And that my friends is a jewel that nothing I desire compares with!

Praying you have a day full of God's Light and Truth that encourages you to keep walking in Him as it has me today! Be blessed!

A Call to Die - Day 14

Today's title was "Too Full to Eat?" Wasn't sure what type of lesson that would be! Had me a little perplexed, but within the first paragraph, I knew that this lesson was just for me right now!

What Nasser is getting at is that we have two tables to which we can pull up our chair and feast: God's and the world. If we fill up on the world before coming to God's table, then we are too full to eat the good "food" that God provides. And likewise, if we fill up at God's table, then we are too full to eat the junk offered by the world.

Anyone who has known me for any amount of time knows that I openly share my food addiction. My early years were filled with excuses as to why I am overweight. I would blame a medical condition or that I "just can't lose weight". But the truth of the matter is, I eat more than I consume or I wouldn't be overweight. But even with that realization and facing that truth head on for the past five or so years, I still battle my food addiction.

That is why during this 40 days of A Call to Die, I am doing the modified Daniel Fast. I need to break the hold food has on me. I need to learn to eat at the banquet table of God first!

I LOVE how God teaches so many spiritual truths to me in my physical world so I can really understand what He wants from me. As I read today's lesson, I knew that so many times I fill up on the "world" and that leaves me empty, but not hungry. Leaves me dissatisfied, but full so that I don't look to God for the water that will make me never thirst again or the food that will fill me so I will never be hungry.

I related it to the fast...since I am fasting from sugar, my taste buds have changed. Where grapes of an apple usually just seem like a healthy snack, now they meet the need of a sweet tooth! They taste so much sweeter now than when my mouth is used to eating all that sugar. Sugar waters down the natural sweetness of the fruit. Yesterday I made a cake to take to our small group. I had a really bad sweet tooth yesterday. But instead of taking in all the sugar in a cake or brownie, I picked up an oat bar that had only fruit and cane juice to sweeten it. Was it as sweet as the cake would have been? No where close! In fact, the kids don't like it at all because it tastes bland to them! But to me who is 20 days into no sugar, (yes I'm on day 14, but day 20 of the fast as I didn't do some lessons on the days I was sick...so numbers will be off!) that oat bar satisfied.

The same is true of God's Word! When I eat the junk of the world, it waters down the sweetness of God. Yes, food really does provide for me an immediate comfort, an immediate satisfaction. That is true. However, as soon as that last bite leaves my mouth, I want more and feel emptier than when I first ate! But God's Truth leaves me satisfied for the long haul! It may not provide an immediate satisfaction as I have to ponder it, memorize it, meditate on it, and often even sit and listen time and time again before God reveals to me all He wants to about a morsel from His Word. But in the long run, in the bigger pictures, it is so much more satisfying that anything this world has to offer me!

Yet, I still find myself "elbowing" as Nasser says my way into the world to make sure I get my "share" of what it has to offer instead of walking right past that table to sit with my Heavenly Father at His feast and drinking in all He is and wants for me. I plan to change that practice! I want God's food! I don't want the junk this world has to offer. The few times in my life that I have chosen to bypass the world to sit with God at His table, I have found that I am viewed as a "radical", a "Jesus Freak". That would make me pull back and reevaluate myself. Not that I mind being a "Jesus Freak" or a "radical", but these comments when made by other Christians have made me think I was going too far in my views. But what God is teaching me is that in this world, a world that has feasted way to long on the food the enemy pours into us, even most Christians don't know the sweetness of His RADICAL Truth! Therefore, the only voice I must listen to is HIS! If He is well-pleased, then no one else matters! And when I surround myself with mature, wise Christians whom I have given permission to speak truth in love to keep me on track, then the other voices can fall by the wayside. I don't need to entertain every criticism that comes my way!

Oh what freedom comes in eating at God's table! Will you pull up a chair and eat with me? What junk have you been eating that makes God's banquet of pure and holy food look undesirable? Don't let it lead to guilt...that is from the enemy...he wants to keep you at his table! Instead, confess it, let God take it away and pull up a chair at His table! He will fill you!

Experiencing God

I am always amazed (not sure why when I think about who God is?!) that God places exactly the right words at exactly the right time to speak into my life whether through friends, Bible Study or what I am reading. There could not have been a better lesson for today than where I am in Experiencing God. So here are the highlights!

God is interested in the World's coming to know Him. The only way people will know what God is like is to see Him at work in their world. They will know His nature when they see it expressed in His activity. Whenever God involves you in His activity, the assignment will have Godlike dimensions to it....When people see something happen only God can do, they come to know God.

What our world often witnesses today is a devoted, committed Christian or church serving God. But they are not seeing God. They don't see anything happening that can be explained only in terms of God's activity. Why? Because we are not attempting anything that only God can do.

The reason much of the world is not being attracted to Christ and to His church is that God's people lack the faith to attempt things only God can do.....If people in your community are not responding to God the way they did in the New Testament, one possible reason is that they are not recognizing God in what you are doing as a church. God is far more concerned with your walking with Him than He is interested in getting a job done for Him.

~Experiencing God by Henry & Richard Blackaby: Unit 5, Day 3

If you have never done this study, I HIGHLY recommend it! But only if you want to be challenged in your faith and obedience to a God sized God!

Which is a great segway to THE CONTAINER FOR THE ORPHANAGE PROJECT SHIPS TODAY! Yes, the President put a hold on all adoptions on Monday & yes, adoptions fund the care of the orphans that will go in the building that is in the container & yes, adoptions and donations will fund the school that will be built with the materials in the container.....so what does that mean.....THIS IS A GOD-SIZED event! Can't wait to see what He does and pray that He draws those closer to Him that are watching it all unfold!

Some words to carry on.....

Just another nugget of Truth from a Heavenly Father who wants to meet us right where we are! This morning, I needed to be reminded of this!
Psalm 27:13-14
"I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage, yes, wait for the Lord."

I am so glad we get to see His goodness in the land of the living! I am do thankful that we don't have to wait for heaven to taste and see that He is good! But I do have to wait until He decides to move the mountains or turn the hearts...and that part is the hardest part for me! But hope of seeing His goodness, the anticipation of seeing the miracles allows me to be strong and take courage and I will wait for the Lord!