We are "The Family"

I saw a post on one of the foster/adoption support groups lately that made me stop and think.  Someone was asking about an attorney because they were a foster family who had a child in their home for almost a year and some family members were now being considered for placement as termination was either already done or was expected to take place soon.

This family was wanting to fight for their foster child to stay in their home.  I get it!  Really, I do!  I was that foster parent! I never fought against family, but I have had  many cases either of my own or with friends who I felt strongly a child should not be returned to family.  I would have been the first one to claim staying with that foster family is best for the child, and who in the world would ever consider moving him?! I would have been the first to cry foul over that!

But as I read that post, I realized, we are now "The Family".  CPS was involved with our grandbabies before we stepped in and took custody.  And I have been pretty vocal on many fronts that we jumped in to save them from CPS as much as the current situation they were in!  But had we not felt called to jump in or had not headed that call for whatever reason, CPS would have acted.  They were set to remove the kids, and they would have placed them with someone other than us. I had been way too vocal and active in the case for the past few months for them to place them with us.  Let's just say the worker was not a fan of mine.  We would have challenged it in court...maybe we would have won, maybe we would not...but regardless of where they were placed at removal, even the not-a-fan-of-mine worker agreed if termination ultimately occurred we would be given the option of adoption since we were "The Family".

So what does that mean?  That means that we would have had two grandbabies who didn't know us except maybe for visits once a week.  And let me just say that visits once a week provide no more opportunity for bonding and attachment for that baby than the person who keeps your kids for church on Sunday morning! But that is a rant for another time! If the circumstances had been different and we had not taken custody of the babies when we did, I most definitely would have wanted to be considered for adoption if termination had occurred!

Does that make me evil? Does that mean I was not looking out for the best interest of my grandchildren since I would be removing them from people they had known their whole life in order to bring them into a home where they would not really know anyone? Before I sat on this side of the fence, I probably would have answered these questions with a "yes"! But perspective matters! And what I now know is that "The Family" is not always given the opportunity to take custody even if they "would".  My old question of "Well, where was that aunt, grandparent, sister, etc, etc when they were removed?" really doesn't hold water anymore.  Perhaps they just didn't know!  And that might not have been because of any fault of their own.  Or maybe they knew and were denied access because they had held the parents to a standard so the parents refused to allow CPS to place the kids there upon removal.  There are a million reasons that I now understand why "The Family" might not show up until the end of the process.

Please don't hear me say that all family is safe and should be given first opportunity for placement! But at the same time, I am saying, not all family is evil and don't care about the kids.   I am saying, you might hold off judgement until you meet them.  You might hold off opinions until you know all the circumstances.  And I am saying that children being raised by family who is safe is a good thing!  Something we as adoptive parents fail to think of in the beginning is that adopted kids are adopted their whole lives!  Some are ok with that, and some really struggle to overcome the rejection of that!  Any child being raised by family has a little less rejection to face!

And on a selfish note, I want to know where my grandkids are!  I want to be able to be a part of their lives since it wasn't my choices that put them where they are!  We may have more grandchildren whose future is unclear.  I will always want to have any opportunity I can to be a part of their lives.  I am so thankful now we were open to letting Madison's grandmother and siblings be a part of her life! Anyone who knows me knows I am not a huge proponent of open adoptions.  I know, I am not politically correct in that....and oh so many other things as well!  But we knew Madison's grandmother was safe for her and we are thankful Madison has that connection to her biological family!  And now that I am "The Family" I understand even more the sacrifice it was for her grandmother to agree to let us adopt her! I admire her greatly and am forever indebted to her for allowing us to be Madison's parents!

So I guess my message through all the garble of my emotions here is that if you are a foster parent, stay open.  Don't jump to conclusions.  Try to not let your emotions lead every decision.  Try to think long term and not just in the now.  And don't automatically view any biological relative of your foster child as the enemy!  I know if we ever foster again, I will do it with a whole different perspective than I did the first time!

The Enemy Doesn't Just Fall on the Sword

I was talking with someone yesterday about spiritual battles.  In the midst of that conversation God gave me an analogy.  It was one of those times that after I said it, I thought, "Man, that was GOOD!"  Which means it wasn't my thought! It was God helping me help her.

I know if more than two people are reading this, then someone is in a spiritual battle and might need to hear this also!

The battlefield is truly in the mind! My heart grieved for this person as I heard words coming out of her mouth that I have said myself so many times.  I knew the enemy was doing a number on her.  She was believing the lies..God is the enemy...He hasn't done anything to fight for me...Scripture won't work, I've already tried that.  Yet when I asked what scriptures she had memorized, she hadn't.

I pointed to the ground and said, if I am in a battle and my sword is laying on the ground, how much good is it going to do me?  Is the enemy going to pick up my sword and kill themselves?  God has given us the Sword!  But we have to pick it up and at least hold it in front of us in order to do battle! We have to use the Word when the lies come in order to combat them.  And the lies probably are not going to come when I am sitting with the Bible in my hand reading it.  Therefore, I have to have His Word hidden in my heart in order for the Spirit to bring it to the forefront of my mind in order for me to fight off the lies the enemy uses to defeat me!

So if you are in battle today, don't leave your sword on the nightstand!  It will not do you any good there! If you are in battle, you need to pick up your Sword and start swinging! Then watch the enemy flee!  That Word promises it....so you can stand on it!

You are not reaching your full potential if you are not in church!

You are not reaching your full potential if you are not in church.  Stick with me! I know that is a bold and controversial statement!

Let me make two points very clear before I continue. 1) I LOVE the Body of Christ! I love how He set it up to operate.  I love how, when it operates as He intended, there is nothing more powerful, more loving, or more genuine, than the Body of Christ!  2) I have been hurt deeply by the "church".  More than once, I have pleaded with God to show me a way other than having to find a new "church" to be part of His Body.  Joining a new church felt a little like leading myself to the guillotine at times! And maybe a third point 3) I don't define "church" as a building.  I believe any group of people who meet for the purpose of worship, teaching, encouraging and equipping followers of Christ are a "church" and a Body of Christ.

We had been attending and prayerfully seeking God's direction for us in a Body since moving.  But recently, felt God asking us to move to a new body for several reasons.  So we set out to find where God wanted us to be.  We didn't miss a single week of church.  My awesome husband even took our 8 plus two extra teens on a week that I was out of town for work.  But can I tell you that in those four weeks that we were "homeless", I was reminded that I will never reach my full potential if I am not in fellowship regularly with other believers.

I understand.  That pastor betrayed your trust, your respect.  That church leader was completely insensitive and maybe even inappropriate in the way they handled your life crisis.  There are probably very few church issues that bring pain that you could throw my way that John and I haven't walked through ourselves at some point. But we understand these leaders, pastors, teachers, other church members are human...just like us! I have hurt people's feelings....people in my church.  I have had to go apologize and ask forgiveness for hurting feelings.  The bottom line is, there is no perfect church because it is made up of humans like me.

But, there is a perfect church for my family....and for you and your family!  God never intended for us to do life alone! Romans 12 and 1 Corinthians 12 both talk of how we are just part of a body. "For the body does not consist of one member but of many" You alone, are NOT the Body of Christ! And if you are not in a Body of Christ, that Body is missing a part..a toe, an arm, a head even maybe! Do you realize without you, some Body of Christ that you are called to is quite possibly having to operate without a vital part?

And without that Body  in your life, you are not all you can be! I don't care how mature you think you are.  I don't care how much tv church you watch.  Without a Body of believers that you know and who know you, you are not able to do all you can do.  I know there are circumstances with health where you can't get out of the house, and for those I am so thankful for technology that can bring church to a home!  But for those who just use that as the checklist for church or to ease your mind about going to church, it's not the same! Look at Jesus himself! He met regularly with his 12, then even more intimately with three.  And he met often with a crowd!  If Jesus needed a Body to reach His potential, what makes us think we are different? If He didn't have the maturity to do it alone, how can we even begin to think we can?

God couldn't have made it any clearer, "do not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another - and all the more as you see the Day approaching." Hebrews 10:25.  During those four weeks, I was trying to do my individual study with God every morning.  I was using online worship services during the week to keep myself encouraged.  But even still, the depression started setting in.  You see just like a big cat after its prey, when the enemy can isolate us from the herd, we are so much easier to take down! As we sat in a different church each week where we felt like strangers, because we were, I realized that I would never reach my full potential if we did not find a body where I could plug in.  Be a part of what God was doing in a Body of believers.  Being part of something bigger than ourselves keeps us encouraged and moving forward! It keeps the focus off of us! One of the biggest weapons the enemy has it to get me focused on me! When I am not part of a church, it is so much easier to become focused inward!

So let me encourage you to allow God to heal the wounds you may have from "church people".  No pastor is infallible!  But God is! Don't trust a church, trust God! Trust that He can bring healing from your past hurts and any future hurts.  Then ask Him to show you where He wants you! He has a place He needs you to plug in because He has called and gifted you to be a part of a body! And that body needs you...and you need that body!