saying goodbye..

Today I said goodbye to my home.  It wasn't a house.  It was a home!  We have lived there 6 years as of last month.  Prior to that, John and I had lived in 8 houses in 9 years of marriage!  Don't ask...and it was not my idea! But yesterday I said goodbye to this place

When we moved in, we had three children: Callie 6, Noah 5 and Ava 1.  While living here, we would bring home five children and then two grand children!  The amount of life we did in this house could never have been dreamed when we walked through that front door 6 years ago!

I have spent many hours sitting at this spot, looking out these windows, studying God's Word and then praying it back to Him.  I have pleaded for children to come home, pleaded for children to stay home, pleaded for the safe arrival of my unborn child and pleaded for the return of my wayward child while looking out these windows.  I have watched the hand prints move up as little ones have become young people only to have the little hands replaced by those coming behind them. I paced back and forth in front of these windows asking God why children were stuck in Liberia and then listening for the directions of my part in the fight to free them.

This table in this room has been the place of too many celebrations to count~ birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, the list goes on!  It was at this table that Paizley left the foster system forever as we signed her adoptive placement papers on Christmas Eve.  This table was where I worked our budget over and over to find the formula that would provide within the blessings God had provided us.  It's where the Addy's Hope board met many times to plan and dream and pull off all that they have accomplished over the past 6 years! One of my most favorite memories in this room is right after Toben came home we had a joint birthday for him and Callie.  We were saying the prayer before we ate, and I looked down to see Toben's and Ava's tiny fingers intertwined during the prayer.  My dream had come true!  There before me were the white and black fingers of my children, together!

As I opened these blinds one last time, I was taken back to the early days when we moved in.  I was fighting the grips of postpartum depression.  I would hold my baby girl in her beautiful nursery with the words "A baby is God's promise that life will go on" written above the windows as I opened each blind.  As the light of the day flooded the room, I would say, "Hello world!  Today the light of Jesus will flood this darkness in me just like the light of these windows flood this room!"  Years later, these walls would welcome our dear Madison.  Though we thought it might just be temporary, now she is forever ours!  

And the kitchen!  It was proof of God's love! Now I leave it.  If I am honest, I will tell you I struggle with that.  I am not sure of that piece of the puzzle yet.  But I choose to believe He wouldn't remove the token of His love for me without providing something amazing in it's place!  But really, isn't it beautiful!  Truly a dream come true...a provision for then and for now as it will allow us to make more than before on the sale of our house.  A work of heart for John.  The hours, sweat, and even probably some tears that went into making it what it is now are forever written on my heart.

And the pool!  The hours of time spent bonding as a family in this place made a pool a must in our new house!  The laughs and incredible moments we have spent as a family here are too numerous to even count!  It's what we all love!  It's what a large family ranging in age from 18-0 can afford to do and all enjoy.  The times John and I sat on the porch and struggled through the reality of some of the seasons in this home.  The late night swims to just relax after kids went to bed.....yes, we've lived a lot of life in this place!

This story is still being written.  We don't have a buyer for our house.  We are moving forward in faith trusting God to provide!  We had to split our family to move.  As I am typing I am sitting in a hotel room while the other four are at school for their first day (I think dropping four kids off at a new school is worse than the first day of kinder!), John is home - see, I typed it without even thinking, he is home- watching the movers load all our possessions into a truck.  He has the four babies with him.  Yes, he is an amazing man! Four babies three and under!  We will not be reunited until Thursday when once again my entire family....minus one of course, another story still being written... will be under one roof, a new roof.  And we will begin a new chapter.  A new chapter that promises to restore what has been taken in some areas of these past years. A chapter that has all of us excited about what is next.  Hopefully not 5 more children, your're welcome John, but full of God's blessings to provide, train and grow the children we have.  We are so thankful!  Thankful for what we have to leave behind and thankful for the hope we have for what we are leaving to!

Just a little update on the move....

We are 4 days away from leaving the house we've called home for 6 years! The past two weeks have been rough! The reality of leaving friends that have been family for the past years.  John and I do not have a lot of "social" friends as we have led kind of a secluded life the past few years with all the kids coming home, but we have tons of friends who we "do life" with! Friends who will help us out in a pinch, be a shoulder to cry on when we are hurting, put us back in line when we fall out!  Each day brings a new good-bye.  That has been extremely difficult.

Then there's the whole house situation.  Our buyers did not get a buyer for their house, so as of yesterday, our house is back on market as active and no longer under contract.  We have prayed, asked friends to pray - we even went to the open house at our buyer's house and prayer walked the place asking God to provide a buyer and releasing His favor of the house and the entire situation.  Still no buyer.

I don't understand it.  I have been frustrated about it, angry with God about it, discouraged at times about it.  However, there is still that faith inside of me that believes in the end it will all work for our good.  I find the scriptures God has given me for the journey popping up in my mind at the times when all hope seems lost, and the flicker returns.  It has been hard.  I have had my moments of wishing we had never started the journey and were back the comfortable flow of life before this faith walk began.  But then I read my journal and remember the promises of God.  I remember why He said we started the journey in the first place.  And the flicker grows a little.

Yesterday should have been a pretty rough day, and honestly, I was dreading it.  The days before I had to really struggle to not let my thoughts and my emotions get the best of me.  But yesterday despite the news that there was no buyer and the contract would end, I had a feeling of excitement inside.  I wasn't discouraged, a little frustrated, definitely wondering why God couldn't have let that work, but not down.  I found myself saying things like, "Let's see what God will do now!  It's an opportunity for Him to work an even bigger miracle!"  I remembered the versus that started this journey..faith is being sure of what I hope for and certain of what I do not see!  Once again, the circumstances look pretty bleak!  However, my faith says God is still on His throne and God's word promises in Hebrews 11:6 that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him.  We've done the, "what if" game!  "What if we hadn't taken that contract?  What if we hadn't decided to lease the other house?"  But then we remember that we haven't taken a single step in this journey without waiting on a clear and direct answer from Him.  So that means, there will be reward!  His Word promises it!  So I am standing on those truths, excitedly expectant for what will happen!

In the mean time, we are trying to move out the boxes to get the house ready for that first showing!  Packing like crazy people while trying to tie up lose ends like doctor's appointments, etc.  We have leased the house we are moving to, but it will not be ready until the 29th! So the oldest four and I are going to leave Monday and stay in a hotel so they can start school on the first day.  Not how I had things planned, and definitely not how I wanted things to go, but trusting that God is good and He has a plan that is for my good!  Even in the chaos there are provisions...like John has enough hotel points to pay for our hotel for all three nights.  My parents are traveling up with us to help us move in and are bringing the two dogs with them.  Is it how I would do it all?  No! I would have the movie moment where we all stand in the front yard, shut the front door for the last time and drive off into our future.  But since God holds my future, I'm ok doing it His way without the movie ending because His Word promises His way is more than I could have ever hoped or imagined and I am counting on that!

The Struggle and the Lie

God always challenges me to share my journeys openly...all of my journey! He reminds me that I don't need to just share the great moments of seeing how it all fits together, but also the wrestling and the struggles that get me to the moments of revelation.  So in true transparency, I will share my journey over the past few days with you. 

There is a phrase I often hear when people talk about the challenges they face when saying "yes" to God in any area.  You will often hear people talk of "new level, new devil".  I too have said this in my ignorance of spiritual warfare and the reality of our enemy.  I heard it again just a few days ago, and the hair on the back of my neck came up!  That phrase indicates that the devil has the ability to grow or to gain new insight into us.  That is simply a lie from the pit of hell!  The devil has no new schemes other than those used from the beginning of time. And the truth is when we grow and mature in our relationship with Christ, the enemy loses power!  Now am I saying that when we say yes to a step of obedience in answer to a call of God that the enemy doesn't try to overtake us or discourage us to the point of giving up, absolutely not!  He in fact does just that.  And that's where my journey the past few days has been.

For about a week, I could feel the cloud moving in.  It started with the phrase "you have too many kids" playing over and over in my head.  This is what had been used in court when we were seeking custody of our grandkids.  The enemy has used that phrase to attempt to reek havoc on my confidence and abilities to do what I know without a doubt God called and ordained!  As is his character, the enemy was very sneaky with the attacks at first.  We have started packing for the move.  I used to be an avid scrapbooker!  Callie has four books for her first two years, and Noah has three.  That's where it stops...no one else even has a baby book!  As I was packing my scrapbook supplies, the voices started in: "You will never record all the memories of your kids, you have too many kids!"  "You will never get to do anything you enjoy ever again." "A good mother would have baby books for all of their kids, you obviously have too many."  For whatever reason, I didn't immediately recognize the thoughts for what they were - attacks from the enemy - and I entertained a couple of those thoughts a little too long.  They had taken root.  Over the next few days, I became increasingly discouraged, overwhelmed and increasingly hopeless. I looked at circumstances and felt like I couldn't possibly handle all that was on my plate.  Then I started eating everything in sight!  I might not even be hungry or want anything, but I would find myself eating anyway!  That is truly what woke me up to what was happening!  I remembered a teaching on spiritual warfare that said something to the effect of when you find yourself doing things that  you feel like you can't control, it's a good indicator that you are under attack! That is how the enemy works, he makes us feel like we don't have a say in what we are doing! I started having three and four nightmares a night.  I can't even tell you the last time I had a nightmare before this week!  I knew the enemy had moved in, so I grabbed some tools, one of which was  Spirit Wars by Kris Vallatton. I didn't read more than a page before I had what I needed to combat the enemy!  Kris writes:

"The devil and his demons no longer have the right to torment believers.  But they are lawless criminals of the spiritual realm.  They will break God's laws whenever and wherever they see a lack of authority.  Like the city of New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina, where thousands of looters ravaged people's homes in the absence of officers policing the streets, demonic spirits will illegally ravage the lives of people in the vacuum of true spiritual authority.  Ignorant Christians create powerless cultures, resulting in the world experiencing an unrestrained devil."

Wow! It was exactly what I had done...I had let the demonic ravage my thoughts!  In the state of physical exhaustion and mental fatigue, I had not been in the Word every day like normal.  The enemy had seen his opening and rushed in!  In essence, I had an unrestrained devil in my mind! However, I am no longer an ignorant Christian!  I immediately put the book down and asked God to reveal what had given the enemy access to my mind and my actions in such a powerful way.  There is usually an area of sin that the enemy enters in through...not always, but I knew there had to be more than just random thoughts for me to find myself as deep in oppression as I felt.  God revealed where the door had been opened. I immediately repented, and served the devil his eviction notice!  He no longer had any power or authority over me and he had to leave...immediately!

In the few days since I evicted him, the thoughts have come back...but I am aware, recognize them for what they are, and dismiss them! I don't entertain them.  I remind myself of truths like I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength or the power that raised Christ from the grave is the same power I possess with in me. I reminded myself when I resist the devil, he will flee!  The lies of the enemy can't hold up to the Truth of the Word, and the lies flee! That's why the "New level, new devil" statement is such a lie!  The enemy wants us to believe it!  If we know we are walking into a battle, we are much less likely to walk! The enemy had me in a place where I was even discouraged about our move.  I was dreading everything about it! If I could've backed out of it, I would have!  If I had continued to entertain his thoughts, I could see myself saying no to many things like the babies or Addy's Hope simply because I don't want a battle.  But all it took to end the battle was replacing lies with the Truth!  It wasn't a one time thing...it's a daily, sometimes hourly, sometimes minute by minute deal!  But all it takes is replacing lies with the truth!  There's no new devil!  Just the same old, non-inventive lying, stealing, cheating devil!  The "new" is my awareness of him and my ability to shut him up!  I am no longer ignorant of his schemes!  I recognize them and shut them down before he has the ability to change my course!

There is a new level...a new level of maturity and awareness that allows me to defeat the enemy and crush him under my feet where he belongs! The enemy never gains power in a believer's life who is growing in relationship with God!  The closer we grow to God the more the enemy is exposed for the lying and cheating thief that he is! So if you are starting a new adventure or taking a step of obedience and begin to feel the attacks, do not accept them as "normal" or what just happens when you live for God! Take the enemy down at the knees, and put him under your foot where he belongs! We Christians need to live in the authority that is ours to shut him up and quit accepting battles because we "expect" them!  Yes, the battles will come.  But you have all power and authority over this earth to stop the battles....USE IT! And I will do the same!

The Move: A Few More Pieces

It's fun to now be able to take you guys on this journey with me!  Moving has so many details that need to align just right in order for it to work out! This week God has shown again that He will meet our every need and faithfully provide the next step when it's time to take it.

The offer on our house in Ft. Worth was accepted and all parties have signed.  We had received a contingency offer on our house in Midland.  Midland has a crazy housing market right now...like houses sell in days, not weeks, and often for more than they were asking.  We have a severe housing shortage.  So many times, contingency offers are not accepted.  We have always had to make contingency offers, but in a market like this, people usually want offers that are ready to move on it.  So when we got the contingency offer, we were not sure what to do.  We didn't mind taking it at all...the price offered was great, but the timing of having a contingency would mean we wouldn't be there in time for school to start for the kids.  We had already asked if we can rent the house for whatever time needed to be there from the time school starts until we close...still waiting to get our "Yes!" on that one. So there was already sort of a plan in place for a little later closing.  Our Realtor was not crazy about a contingency because she knows the market and felt we could get a non-contingent offer.  John and I both went to prayer.  The thing about walking through this move is that we have not made any decision until God spoke! We had clear direction before we did anything on this journey.  So when it came to accepting or declining the offer, we really couldn't settle for gut feelings, the advice of others, or what the market says, we wanted to hear God's voice!  Two days we prayed, listened, asked....I even sat for an extended time one of those mornings just sitting....waiting....listening so God could answer. Nothing.  But not only was there not an answer, there was no anxiety!  Can I get a hallelujah a "I might have actually matured a little in the "trust Me" category" - hallelujah?! On the morning of the day our Realtor had told the family with the offer on our house we would give them an answer, God answered.  Right on time.  Never early, never late, right on His time! During my quiet time when I was simply praying..not necessarily about the house, just having my morning coffee with God, I heard, "move forward".  One of the frustrations with having to show the house has been not being able to pack because there is nowhere to put boxes if we are going to keep things neat and tidy!  Accepting the offer means our house will show very little if at all, and we can start packing boxes!  It means the buyers will move forward as if their house will sell getting things done such as appraisals, inspections, etc that can hold up a closing.  It would all be moving forward if we accepted the contingency.  I didn't share any of this with John.  We had zero showings that day.  You know, you kind of have to show the house to sell the house!  On his way home from work right before we were to meet our Realtor to discuss options, John was feeling a bit anxious about not having any showings.  Then God stepped in and showed Him the answer too!  "Why do you need showings? Your house is sold."  Once again God was so faithful to tell us both separately what the next step is! But He wasn't just telling us...we sat down to meet with our Realtor.  She had told us the day before that taking the contingency in this market really was not advisable.  But one of the things we love about our Realtor - who is also a dear friend - is that she is a Godly woman!  We sat down to talk and she shares that in her time that morning, she had thought, "Taking this offer makes no sense, but this is the Petrees and nothing they do makes sense!"  Ha! I love it!  And it's so true! She went on to say that she felt maybe this family was supposed to get our house...we have been praying that our house would be a blessing to whomever was to buy it.  So she just confirmed what God had already spoken to both John and I, so we accepted the offer!  Now we are waiting to hear of the sell of their house!  That did bring a bit of anxiety to me when I thought of that right after God said to accept the offer.  God responded to that anxiety with a statement something like this, "Have you really not learned that I can take care of things like that by now?!"  To which I responded, "Yes, Sir!"

But the pieces don't stop there!  I may just have to stand on my rooftop literally and shout how faithful and good my God is before this is all done!  The Word God gave me back in April 2012 about the new job said that it would allow John to be the husband and father he needed to be instead of making him choose and competing for those roles.  When they offered John the job, one of the things that we loved immediately were the hours.  He will get home an hour earlier than he does now!  Scheduling the drop off and pick up of kids from school while working around babies I don't want to wake and naps, etc has been one of my biggest struggles!  The time right after school when everyone is home, needing help with homework and I am trying to get dinner on the table is extremely stressful!  Well, no more!  We got on-line to look at the kids' schools!  Their schedules fit perfectly with John's! The elementary starts at 7:45 and releases at 2:45.  So I can drop them off while leaving the babies asleep because the big kids will still be home...they don't start school until 9:20! By then babies will be awake, and it will be no big deal to get them in the car to take the big kids!  I will pick up the elementary kids and have their home work done before the big kids come home!  And John will get off just in time to get to the middle school to pick up the big kids, so I only have to get out once in the afternoon!  Anyone who says God isn't into the details hasn't lived a life with 8 kids! He cares about it all!

There are still some things to be worked out, like renting the house to be there when school starts, all the inspections, etc that have to be done on both houses, the sell of our buyer's house, etc, etc.  But God has it! I'm not anxious....just waiting with great anticipation to see how He answers each one of these!  Because He will!