First Family Swim

Today was our first family swim! (that translates into: today was the first day the water was warm enough for John and I to get in! ) It was also Baby Girl's first swim! It was a great day! My brother and sister-in-law were here from Indiana. My brother and Dad helped John fix our van. We all had lunch together and the ladies and kids swam while the guys worked on the car. Then later in the evening John came and swam with us. This is why I love summer! We get to spend time outside as a family!

I think I will finish the day with a little time scrapbooking! That will be the perfect end to a perfect day!

P.S. And now I have proof from the photo of Noah that when I say my children are climbing the walls, I mean it! :)

My prayer....

No one told me that in adoption work adoptive parents would be supportive until things went wrong, and those parents that sang your praises when things went right would be the first to slit your throat when things beyond your control went wrong. No one told me in ministry that the Christians would be the hardest to deal with. My only escape and comfort right now are in the words of David who had enemies pursuing him at times as well! So these are my prayers to God, just as David sent them up so many years ago!

Psalm 5
Prayer for Protection from the Wicked.

1Give ear to my words, O LORD,
Consider my groaning.
2Heed the sound of my cry for help, my King and my God,
For to You I pray.
3In the morning, O LORD, You will hear my voice;
In the morning I will order my prayer to You and eagerly watch.
4For You are not a God who takes pleasure in wickedness;
No evil dwells with You.
5The boastful shall not stand before Your eyes;
You hate all who do iniquity.
6You destroy those who speak falsehood;
The LORD abhors the man of bloodshed and deceit.
7But as for me, by Your abundant loving kindness I will enter Your house,
At Your holy temple I will bow in reverence for You.
8O LORD, lead me in Your righteousness because of my foes;
Make Your way straight before me.
9There is nothing reliable in what they say;
Their inward part is destruction itself
Their throat is an open grave;
They flatter with their tongue.
10Hold them guilty, O God;
By their own devices let them fall!
In the multitude of their transgressions thrust them out,
For they are rebellious against You.
11But let all who take refuge in You be glad,
Let them ever sing for joy;
And may You shelter them,
That those who love Your name may exult in You.
12For it is You who blesses the righteous man, O LORD,
You surround him with favor as with a shield.
Psalm 6
Prayer for Mercy in Time of Trouble.

1O LORD, do not rebuke me in Your anger,
Nor chasten me in Your wrath.
2Be gracious to me, O LORD, for I am pining away;
Heal me, O LORD, for my bones are dismayed.
3And my soul is greatly dismayed;
But You, O LORD--how long?
4Return, O LORD, rescue my soul;
Save me because of Your loving kindness.
5For there is no mention of You in death;
In Sheol who will give You thanks?
6I am weary with my sighing;
Every night I make my bed swim,
I dissolve my couch with my tears.
7My eye has wasted away with grief;
It has become old because of all my adversaries.
8Depart from me, all you who do iniquity,
For the LORD has heard the voice of my weeping.
9The LORD has heard my supplication,
The LORD receives my prayer.
10All my enemies will be ashamed and greatly dismayed;
They shall turn back, they will suddenly be ashamed.

Can I ask you to pray for my, my Liberian staff, my husband and our board as we seek God's way to deal with these issues? Pray for us that we would have the heart and mind of Christ as we deal with the false accusations that can have devastating effects on the children who remain in the home and need us to care for them. Pray that God would silence the mouths of the lying and wicked as it says in the Psalms. Pray that He would raise up warriors to fight for these children even against the falseness that is being spread here in the US.

If you don't think adoptions are of the heart of God, talk to someone who works in adoptions...listen to the stories of the attacks...even internal ones...they rarely come from the "world" in my experience. The enemy is determined to destroy adoptions. If we don't have warriors raising up to fight this battle on our knees, we will lose. Please pray with us!

Pretty in Pink

Oh how I wish I could show you this precious girl! She would steal you away with one smile! We lovingly refer to her as "Chunky Monkey"! We had a fun photo shoot with a sweet dress I splurged on....so here is what I can show of Baby Girl!

As I told someone the other day, we don't know what will happen in the future, but for today, we love her as if she is ours because for today she is....and today is really all we are gauranteed with any of our children!

Happy Birthday, Ava Claire!

Four years ago today joy was born into my heart again!
Many of our friends now did not know us four years ago. They didn't know us when we walked the journey preceding Ava. So I figured on her birthday, I would reflect a little on just what God did through Miss Ava!
I went to Sierra Leone, West African in June/July 2005. I went to complete the adoption of our surviving twin, Eden. I was there three weeks. I fell madly in love with a little girl that I had to leave behind...having her ripped off my neck the last time I saw her thinking I would return in three days to get her. That was almost five years ago, and is still the last image I have of her.
What that trip did to me was life changing. Not for the better at the beginning. But after wrestling with God that has left me with a limp, it changed me for the better. Mainly, it taught me to trust in God, not an outcome! My faith is not in outcomes, but in the God that provides the outcomes!
In the months following my return without Eden, hope was hard to find and joy was even more elusive! I read the scriptures that said God offered the abundant life, but I had just walked the most faith filled journey of my life only to have it end in what I viewed as total disaster. I truly was at the biggest crisis of faith I have had thus far. For the first time in my life I wasn't sure God even existed much less cared about little 'ol me!
Just two months after returning from Sierra Leone, John and I were arguing about who would go back to get Eden. I was determined that I would since she had already bonded with me. I don't even remember the reasons why he thought he should go. All I know is that we were still making plans for one of us to fly back and pick her up as soon as the Embassy had finished their field investigation and gave us the green light! Then I started feeling extremely exhausted! We were using preventative measures, so I couldn't really wrap my head around being pregnant...besides; we still had a four year old who was coming home any day now! I couldn't handle that many preschoolers and be pregnant!

I kept putting the signs off as stress. But one night, I decided to find out for sure. Hadn't even told John that I suspected anything. When that little line showed up, I was stunned! So I went into John about 2 or 3 in the morning and flipped on the light (I always seem to tell him about my pregnancies in the middle of the night!) and said, "Well, it looks like you win, you will be going to get Eden!", then showed him the test. He sat straight up in bed and said, "What?!" So I said it all again as it soaked in for him.
We were excited, but still shocked and not sure how we would do it financially, emotionally or physically! But as always, we saw today, God saw tomorrow.
Just two months after we found out that Ava was on her way, we would receive the devastating news that Eden would probably not come home, and in January 2006 we would receive the definite "no" to our visa request. Without living in Sierra Leone for 6 months, my baby girl who bonded from the start and called me momma and held on to me with all the might her weak little arms could muster that last time I would see her would not be coming home. I was quite sure that life would end. I wasn't sure how to go on....then I would remember the life growing inside of me. The life that we hadn't planned, but that God had placed there as a magnificent surprise. In those moments, all I could think was that I had a life inside of me to protect. Getting too upset or distraught would put that life at risk, at least in my mind. So I knew I had to put one foot in front of the other.
As the months went on and my belly grew, my emotions were a mess. We had waited over a year and a half for Eden, and now she would not be coming home. A friend who was adopting at the same time from Sierra Leone and I would say it was like being eternally pregnant! We kept expecting, but no birth! There was an irrational part of me that wondered if at the end of nine months I would really have a baby or if the doctors would say, “Oh, I’m sorry. We didn’t really mean May! Please fill out this other stack of papers and we will set a new date!” I still had the experience of my first pregnancy when we lost our baby that haunted me also. Being pregnant didn’t mean a baby at the end anymore than adoption did! I was scared to hope, scared to feel, but most of all scared to trust!
That morning as they prepped me for the c-section, I was so ready to meet my baby girl! But as they took me into the delivery room, anxious doesn’t even begin to describe how I felt. The longer it took that anesthesiologist to get my spinal finished, the less I could breath. They hadn’t let John come in with me while they were prepping me. I think I asked the nurse 10 times if they had gone to get him yet. When he finally was allowed in, I was a mess! My usually strong woman demeanor left and all I could say to him was don’t leave me! Stay right here (which meant that he couldn’t look over the sheet and give me a play by play of this birth as he had Callie…..but he had already been instructed not to do that even if I was not a mess….no woman needs to hear her husband say, “they just put your stomach on your chest!”) .
It seemed like it took forever for them to get her out. When they finally did, I heard a cry that was full of gurgle and not clear at all…but in that moment, I was filled with joy and peace! All fear was gone. It was as if her birth brought back the joy that had been taken from me with the past two years of losing Eden and Addy! Dr. Nabulsi quickly showed me a very blue little face and rushed off to the nursery. I didn’t really get to see her, but knew from the color, she needed to get to the nursery so just kissed what skin I could see and told them to go.
As I have shared this story over the years, I am always quick to point out that no child can replace another. Ava in no way “replaced” Eden or Addy. I still ache from time to time to hold Eden in my arms and wonder if God’s plan will someday include her living in our home as a physical part of our family (for she will always be my daughter whether I ever lay eyes on her again or not!) And Addy’s life was snuffed out way too quickly…yet I see the impact her life had on so many through Addy’s Hope. So while Ava could not replace them, she represented something priceless from a Heavenly Father who loves me more than I could ever love any of these girls or ever even comprehend! Ava was a promise that life would go on! I would not die from a broken heart. Her first cry brought a promise that joy would return and life would be full and abundant again! Even through the next 36 hours that required her to be under oxygen, I had no doubts. The moment she breathed her first breath of air on this earth, God touched me in a way He hadn’t before. I can’t say that my trust had been fully restored, as I still struggle through that with Him, but I knew He loved me and had not forgotten me as I had so often wondered over the past years!
Every time I look at Ava’s sweet smile, I am reminded that God knew when He ordered her to be knit in my womb that I would need her as a reminder over the next year that God loves me and intends for life to continue after heartache and devastation! She is a reminder that God holds the future in His hands and has perfect plans that I can never imagine!
So today, my precious Ava, I celebrate your life! A life that has taught me to love deeper and trust fuller! Happy Birthday, Baby A! Mommy loves you!