Children are a heritage from the Lord,
offspring a reward from him.
4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are children born in one’s youth.
5 Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them. ~Psalm 127: 3-5
As a girl who always knew she wanted nothing more than to be a wife and mother, this scripture always intrigued me! I got the "children are a heritage from the Lord, a reward from him" part...but arrows in the hands of a warrior...and a quiver full? What is that all about? Can I be honest and say that I truly had no idea until just a couple of years ago! I am sure there are amazing teachings out there on this scripture that would have led me out of my ignorance long before now...but I never heard them.
It wasn't until I started watching my own children worship God, watching them develop their own relationship with God that I began to understand. It has been through watching my children grow in their own giftings that the light bulb went on...like arrows in the hands of a warrior....you see, my children are not mine. My children born of my body and my children born of my heart, none of them are mine. They are God's. They are His children that He has entrusted me to nurture and train for His Kingdom. I learned that lesson early in my mothering as I grieved the death of our baby we never got to hold! I learned through that sorrow that my children were given by God. They all have a kingdom purpose. My job as a mother is to guide them into that purpose.
I have failed miserably on most days. There are so many ways that I could have done a better job with that. But as my children become older, and I begin to see the Kingdom purposes unfolding in their lives, I know why God describes them as arrows in the hands of warriors. It is because we as "warriors" are training them up, lining them up with their "target" and then we "shoot them out" into the world to complete the Kingdom purpose God has had for them since the beginning of time!
I was reminded of that again today as we were worshiping in service this morning. The church we go to right now does not open their childcare until about 15 minutes into the service. We have just recently started attending this church, and I can honestly say this one fact alone nearly made me run screaming from this one! I have asked God more than once, "Are you sure this is it?", just based on this one issue. (Yes, I attend church functions for childcare...well, maybe not really, but it is a plus!) But today, I decided maybe it's not such a bad thing. I was holding Peighton as the worship service started. I open my eyes to see her with her hands lifted as high as she can get them! I look around to see who she is mimicking, not a person in my range of sight has their hands raised. But it didn't stop there! Off and on through the first song, she would clap and raise her hands. Then they started singing a song that talks about the Holy Spirit as a fire that burns deep inside of us, and they say "burn" over and over. With paci in mouth, she starts almost yelling, "BURN! BURN! BURN!" I had goosebumps all over me! Then she starts moving her hand in an outward motion in front of her in very deliberate, strong motions. And I knew....I have another arrow that I am to equip, mold, nurture, train and grow up while she is in my quiver so that at the right time, I can send her out into the world, ready and able to hit her target in God's Kingdom! I have no idea what that target is right now, but I know from what I saw today and what God spoke into my spirit that this little girl is mine because God has a specific plan and purpose for her, and He needs me to equip her for it...as is the case for all 7 other arrows still in my quiver!
I can't explain the events of the last three years. I don't know why so many things had to happen that happened! I would have written this story so much differently, and in my story, I would not be raising these two babies that are supposed to call me Mimi and not Mommy. But this I know. God has brought 9 children into our lives. He brought them here to be trained as warriors in His Kingdom. There will come a time when they will have to choose for themselves whether or not they want to fulfill the plans that God has for them or whether they want to walk away. As much as I wish I could choose for them. I can't. But I can speak Truth over and to them. I can pray God's Word over them while they sleep, as they wake and when we go about our day. I can do battle for and with them when the storms seem to be taking them over. And at the right time, I can let them go, shot out from our "bow" and watch them as they minister to a lost and lonely world who desperately needs to know the Savior that they know!
"Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them......."
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Sunday, May 4, 2014
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Raising World Changers: The Reality
There was a quote going around a few years ago that I can't find now, but it was about raising world changers. There have been a couple of events the past week that have reminded me that raising world changers isn't just some catchy phrase, it is a reality. And often that reality isn't what I had pictured as being a "good mom"!
I put my 13 year old daughter on a plane this week to head half way across the country to my brother and sister-in-law for a couple of weeks. She was traveling alone. This trip would require her to change not only planes, but terminals in a large airport. Our little local airport only has 4 gates...and that's what she is accustomed to. Not to mention the fact that we rarely ever fly anywhere! She was equipped with her boarding passes, her map of the airport she would be landing at and her cell phone. The plan was for me to get a pass to go through security with her here and wait for her plane with her. When we get to the ticket counter, I realize I left my driver's license in the car in the envelope with the money I had just gotten from the bank. My heart sank! A voice started in, "What kind of mom are you? You can't even make sure you have what you need to help your daughter!" This is a voice I hear often! I silenced it long enough to finish checking Callie in and get her ready to go. I told Callie I would text her dad who was driving around waiting for me to be done since we knew they wouldn't let both of us back and ask him to come by with my license so I could go back with her. She said, "no, I can do it." Then the voice starts in again. We get to the security line and I go over everything with Callie again - this is where your gate is, this is the time you need to be at your gate, this is your seat number, take off your shoes, put them in the tub with your liquids and purse, etc, etc. Then I watch as my amazing daughter bravely walks through security....alone. On the other side, she has struck up a conversation with an older lady and they are both smiling from ear to ear. She goes blurry as my eyes well up with tears and my heart swells with pride! Even in her own nervousness she has found the ability to connect to someone from a totally different generation and bring joy. I holler one last "Good-bye!" and "I love you!" As she walks out of view, I hear another voice say, "When raising world changers, you can't always hold their hands. Sometimes you just have to talk them through and pray as they try out their wings! And good moms know when to hold hands and when to watch them fly!"
And my Heavenly Father knew I needed to hear that in that moment! So many times through this journey of fostering and adoption, the enemy has tormented me with thoughts of failing my children. I have shared before that there is no way to parent 7 children the way I parented 2. I can't be the "everywhere, doing everything mom" that I wanted to be when I pictured myself as a mom. I struggle with that more at some times than others. Probably the hardest time was when we adopted from the foster system. I was in a Bible study at the time where the talk often turned to protecting our children. I believe in protecting my children. What the other moms said made sense. Many put their children in private schools or home schooled them to protect them from what they would be exposed to in school. We talked about shows that we would or would not allow our children to watch. It all sounded great. There was only one problem...while these moms were protecting their children from the influences of the world, I had just invited the "world" into my home through a child who had never been protected. She in-turn, at no fault of her own, would expose my children to the very things my friends were diligently working to protect their children from. I would go home and cry after many of these discussions...tormented by what I had done, but knowing full well God had called us to do this. I just couldn't reconcile the "good mom" role with what God was asking me to do.
The problem was that my "good mom" role was based on an Americanized view of parenting that says children should never hurt and should never be exposed to anything that might hurt them or even cause discomfort. Don't confuse what I am saying with putting your child in harms way physically or staying in an abusive relationship because it is building character. That is not what I am saying at all! But what God showed me as I watched my daughter walk by herself toward the gate to board a plane is that all she has gone through and all she is doing now is to prepare and equip her for the path God has for her! She is a world changer! And world changers put themselves at risk! World changers know how to be hurt and forgive! World changers have to know how to handle disappointment! World changers have to know how to look a big task in the face and do it anyway! World changers have to face fears head on and walk through them!
Back in the car, headed home, I get a text..."I am at my gate!" I respond, "Sorry again that I didn't have my license to go back with you." And the confirmation of what God had already spoken, "It's ok. Doing it by myself gave me the confidence I needed." And with that I knew my World Changer had SOARED on this test flight! And I also knew God wasn't just equipping her...he was equipping me....you see I have five more World Changers coming up right behind her!
I put my 13 year old daughter on a plane this week to head half way across the country to my brother and sister-in-law for a couple of weeks. She was traveling alone. This trip would require her to change not only planes, but terminals in a large airport. Our little local airport only has 4 gates...and that's what she is accustomed to. Not to mention the fact that we rarely ever fly anywhere! She was equipped with her boarding passes, her map of the airport she would be landing at and her cell phone. The plan was for me to get a pass to go through security with her here and wait for her plane with her. When we get to the ticket counter, I realize I left my driver's license in the car in the envelope with the money I had just gotten from the bank. My heart sank! A voice started in, "What kind of mom are you? You can't even make sure you have what you need to help your daughter!" This is a voice I hear often! I silenced it long enough to finish checking Callie in and get her ready to go. I told Callie I would text her dad who was driving around waiting for me to be done since we knew they wouldn't let both of us back and ask him to come by with my license so I could go back with her. She said, "no, I can do it." Then the voice starts in again. We get to the security line and I go over everything with Callie again - this is where your gate is, this is the time you need to be at your gate, this is your seat number, take off your shoes, put them in the tub with your liquids and purse, etc, etc. Then I watch as my amazing daughter bravely walks through security....alone. On the other side, she has struck up a conversation with an older lady and they are both smiling from ear to ear. She goes blurry as my eyes well up with tears and my heart swells with pride! Even in her own nervousness she has found the ability to connect to someone from a totally different generation and bring joy. I holler one last "Good-bye!" and "I love you!" As she walks out of view, I hear another voice say, "When raising world changers, you can't always hold their hands. Sometimes you just have to talk them through and pray as they try out their wings! And good moms know when to hold hands and when to watch them fly!"
And my Heavenly Father knew I needed to hear that in that moment! So many times through this journey of fostering and adoption, the enemy has tormented me with thoughts of failing my children. I have shared before that there is no way to parent 7 children the way I parented 2. I can't be the "everywhere, doing everything mom" that I wanted to be when I pictured myself as a mom. I struggle with that more at some times than others. Probably the hardest time was when we adopted from the foster system. I was in a Bible study at the time where the talk often turned to protecting our children. I believe in protecting my children. What the other moms said made sense. Many put their children in private schools or home schooled them to protect them from what they would be exposed to in school. We talked about shows that we would or would not allow our children to watch. It all sounded great. There was only one problem...while these moms were protecting their children from the influences of the world, I had just invited the "world" into my home through a child who had never been protected. She in-turn, at no fault of her own, would expose my children to the very things my friends were diligently working to protect their children from. I would go home and cry after many of these discussions...tormented by what I had done, but knowing full well God had called us to do this. I just couldn't reconcile the "good mom" role with what God was asking me to do.
The problem was that my "good mom" role was based on an Americanized view of parenting that says children should never hurt and should never be exposed to anything that might hurt them or even cause discomfort. Don't confuse what I am saying with putting your child in harms way physically or staying in an abusive relationship because it is building character. That is not what I am saying at all! But what God showed me as I watched my daughter walk by herself toward the gate to board a plane is that all she has gone through and all she is doing now is to prepare and equip her for the path God has for her! She is a world changer! And world changers put themselves at risk! World changers know how to be hurt and forgive! World changers have to know how to handle disappointment! World changers have to know how to look a big task in the face and do it anyway! World changers have to face fears head on and walk through them!
Back in the car, headed home, I get a text..."I am at my gate!" I respond, "Sorry again that I didn't have my license to go back with you." And the confirmation of what God had already spoken, "It's ok. Doing it by myself gave me the confidence I needed." And with that I knew my World Changer had SOARED on this test flight! And I also knew God wasn't just equipping her...he was equipping me....you see I have five more World Changers coming up right behind her!
Friday, March 16, 2012
Love Notes from God for my Girls
For my daily quiet times, God has me in Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. If you have not read this or seen it, GET IT! It is amazing! It speaks to me in my hard season every morning. It is truly like a breath of fresh air.
There is no secret this is a hard season for me, but not just for me, for everyone in my home. The other day as I was thanking God for giving me this devotion that literally breaths fresh breath into me so I can go another day, He reminded me that my girls need this too! This world bombards them with SO many lies so many times a day! They both have the ability to hear God, they come up with some extremely profound ideas from time to time. We require everyone to have at least 15 minutes with God every morning, so I know they are in the Word at least once a day. But I have so enjoyed the "personal" messages in Jesus Calling. They are all based on scripture, but they are written in first person...as if Jesus is literally sending a personal letter to me that morning!
So God asked me to be still now and then during my time and listen for a Word for my girls and be obedient to write that note to them for Him. He wants them to know that He is personal. He needs them to hear His truths in a way that will drown out the lies of this world so their foundation is strong enough to handle whatever comes at them in the days, weeks, months and years to come.
This is our first morning of love notes from God! I don't know how often He will give me a Word for them, but I am committed to asking for one, listening for an answer and writing it out so they will find it on their mirror when they get up in the morning! Excited to see their reaction!
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
A little preparation goes a long way!
Seems like I don't have many "good" parenting moments lately. More of just survival! However, I am trying to take life back instead of letting life take me down! For those who know my nature, you know this is difficult for me. I'm prone to not plan, procrastinate and even when I do plan, not follow it because something or in most cases someone comes up to interrupt the plan!But last night was different! And it worked!
Going out to eat with my crew takes half a months wages..ok, not quite half, but more than we can afford very often. So we rarely go to "nice" restaurants. However, we want our children to know how to behave somewhere besides Taco Villa, and we want them to have experiences in the restaurants others talk about. So once in awhile we splurge. The fact that these trips are rare and that we are spending a small fortune to have the experience means I get very upset when one of the kids ruins it with a fit or attitude. We have one child in particular who routinely ruins our restaurant experiences. He/she usually throws the first tantrum when it comes time to order drinks. He/she stalls on purpose, for what reason we haven't quite figured out, which usually ends in us telling the waiter that he/she will take water since he/she can't make up his/her mind. Then the pouting and taking anger out on whatever unlucky sibling is in the vicinity begins.
Last night we had a big surprise for our kids planned. It started with dinner at a nice, sit down restaurant. I was determined that said child would not ruin our entire evening...once the pouting starts, it's all down hill and behaviors worsen exponentially until we get home. So with what I know had to be a Holy Spirit idea, I had a pro-active discussion with this child.
Last time we went out to eat, we had one of these meltdowns and I had told this lovely of mine that the next time he/she threw one of these fits, he/she would not go with us to eat the next time and would be left at home with a baby sitter at his/her expense. So right before we left, I took this child aside and reminded him/her of my promise from the last time the fit was thrown. But I also made a plan for if something happened. This is a child who has a very difficult time expressing any emotion in a constructive and appropriate way. Something we actually deal with a ton in our family because of the background of most of our kiddos. I told this child that I wanted him/her to know that I was willing to listen to any argument he/she had about anything he/she felt was unfair during the course of the evening, but I would not have that discussion until we got home. So I asked him/her to come up with a code word so that if he/she felt something had been unfair or he/she was getting angry, he/she could use the code word and know we would talk about it later instead of holding it inside and getting angry or lashing out at the nearest sibling. He/she got to choose the code word which was "meep - meep" - like the road runner says! Wouldn't have been my choice, especially since I had to use it if I saw behavior I needed to stop, but it was his/her choice, so "meep-meep" it was! He/she thought that was really cool and we set out for our evening with a plan!
The coolest part? Well, we didn't have to use that code word, not one time! I truly think taking that time before we left made that child feel significant enough and also gave him/her a feeling that no matter what happened there was a way to be heard that there was no acting out!
God used this to remind me that parenting must be intentional! And that when I stop to prepare for behaviors instead of constantly just reacting to them, our world turns much smoother! And since this is so contrary to my nature, I often wonder why God gave me a) so many children and b) children from hard places to parent! Maybe its because regardless of how many times I fail as a mom, I love these babies! I may not discipline the right way, I may not provide all the experiences I wish I could or that they may want, but I couldn't love them anymore than I do!
But from now on, we will have that little conversation before every trip to eat out! It was such a nice evening!
Going out to eat with my crew takes half a months wages..ok, not quite half, but more than we can afford very often. So we rarely go to "nice" restaurants. However, we want our children to know how to behave somewhere besides Taco Villa, and we want them to have experiences in the restaurants others talk about. So once in awhile we splurge. The fact that these trips are rare and that we are spending a small fortune to have the experience means I get very upset when one of the kids ruins it with a fit or attitude. We have one child in particular who routinely ruins our restaurant experiences. He/she usually throws the first tantrum when it comes time to order drinks. He/she stalls on purpose, for what reason we haven't quite figured out, which usually ends in us telling the waiter that he/she will take water since he/she can't make up his/her mind. Then the pouting and taking anger out on whatever unlucky sibling is in the vicinity begins.
Last night we had a big surprise for our kids planned. It started with dinner at a nice, sit down restaurant. I was determined that said child would not ruin our entire evening...once the pouting starts, it's all down hill and behaviors worsen exponentially until we get home. So with what I know had to be a Holy Spirit idea, I had a pro-active discussion with this child.
Last time we went out to eat, we had one of these meltdowns and I had told this lovely of mine that the next time he/she threw one of these fits, he/she would not go with us to eat the next time and would be left at home with a baby sitter at his/her expense. So right before we left, I took this child aside and reminded him/her of my promise from the last time the fit was thrown. But I also made a plan for if something happened. This is a child who has a very difficult time expressing any emotion in a constructive and appropriate way. Something we actually deal with a ton in our family because of the background of most of our kiddos. I told this child that I wanted him/her to know that I was willing to listen to any argument he/she had about anything he/she felt was unfair during the course of the evening, but I would not have that discussion until we got home. So I asked him/her to come up with a code word so that if he/she felt something had been unfair or he/she was getting angry, he/she could use the code word and know we would talk about it later instead of holding it inside and getting angry or lashing out at the nearest sibling. He/she got to choose the code word which was "meep - meep" - like the road runner says! Wouldn't have been my choice, especially since I had to use it if I saw behavior I needed to stop, but it was his/her choice, so "meep-meep" it was! He/she thought that was really cool and we set out for our evening with a plan!
The coolest part? Well, we didn't have to use that code word, not one time! I truly think taking that time before we left made that child feel significant enough and also gave him/her a feeling that no matter what happened there was a way to be heard that there was no acting out!
God used this to remind me that parenting must be intentional! And that when I stop to prepare for behaviors instead of constantly just reacting to them, our world turns much smoother! And since this is so contrary to my nature, I often wonder why God gave me a) so many children and b) children from hard places to parent! Maybe its because regardless of how many times I fail as a mom, I love these babies! I may not discipline the right way, I may not provide all the experiences I wish I could or that they may want, but I couldn't love them anymore than I do!
But from now on, we will have that little conversation before every trip to eat out! It was such a nice evening!
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
We are growing again....
I've drug my feet writing this post. Mainly because I don't really like dealing with the reality of what I'm about to share. But also because I really don't want to know what others think right now. Having enough trouble dealing with my own thoughts on the matter and walking my entire family through this without the comments of those who don't really know us or our hearts.
I want you to know that my last post about Paizley and her one year anniversary of being with us was written with the full knowledge of what I am sharing....and I meant every word! So this is what I knew....Paizley is pregnant. Our family will be growing again in a way I never hoped. While as a parent I have always said I'm not prideful or naive enough to think we wouldn't have to deal with a pregnant teen, I never thought I would be doing it this soon. But here we are.
As I have shared with our close friends and family the most difficult part of this is learning how to deal with the entire issue and balance the fact that a sin created this life, but the life is not a sin. We are so sorrowful and at times angry about the choices that were made that got us to this point, but we can't be angry at an innocent life now growing inside my daughter. We have to celebrate this life as we would any because God has ordained it just as He does all lives He creates! (Psalm 139).
I'm sure many will judge us on many levels as we walk this journey. Each step we did what we believed was best for Paizley and our entire family. The irony of this is that she was being home schooled (what I think many times is seen as the ultimate protection from "the world") when this happened. One thing I've learned is that short of locking them in a room with no windows and only a little air to breath, your children will make their own choices and whether you agree with them or not, you all have to deal with the consequences.
Many have asked if we are encouraging her to place the baby for adoption. And most are shocked to learn that at this time we are not encouraging that. Obviously we are very pro-adoption! We fully believe adoption is a great option for unplanned pregnancies. However, we have always believed and still believe that this should be the last resort (other than abortion of course which is not even an option in our minds) for the biological family. Let me try to explain.
God gave this baby to Paizley. One thing I will never understand is why so many loving families struggle with infertility while so many babies are having babies and so many women who truly don't want their children are becoming pregnant multiple times. I don't understand it. I didn't understand it when we miscarried and the pain was very personal, and I don't understand it now when my daughter is one of those teens that is making it difficult for others who struggle with infertility. All I know is God's ways and thoughts are not mine! And I, the clay, do not say to the potter do this or that! And that is where I have to leave those thoughts and feelings.
But I know this. God does not give us more than we can handle IN HIM! That is a vital part of that scripture that we often leave out. I also know God does not give babies to women for them to give to someone else. Let me add here that there are extenuating circumstances of course. There are young women who have no support system who truly can't take on the financial or emotional strain of a baby and the most selfless thing they can do is place the baby. Those women are my heroes! I've always wondered how they have the strength to do it and sitting where I am now, I wonder even more! I can't even imagine what it takes to look at your baby, kiss it good bye and hand it to another person all because you love him or her so much that you want what you can't give! Truly, if you are reading this and have walked that path, I am in awe! You are amazing!!! But in general, I hold to the belief that if God has placed a life in you, He will equip you and walk with you in order to parent that baby. However, that means you have to be willing to make the choices and put forth the effort to grow and mature into the parent God intends you to be.
And that is what we are telling our daughter. First and foremost, the decision is hers. This is her baby! But at this point, we are encouraging her to put forth the effort to become the mother this baby needs. We have a lot of hard work ahead of us these next few months in all areas. But I believe Paizley can be an amazing mother to this child, and I would never encourage any woman to place her baby for adoption if she is willing to put in the work to mother him or her!
My mommy heart aches for Paizley. I keep willing time to stand still so this baby won't come until she gets to have the childhood that had already been robbed of her. The childhood we were trying so desperately to give back to her. But no matter how much I long for the time to stop....it keeps going and the baby inside of her is growing every day...and now, she has to be a woman....a mom. I struggle with what role this puts her and me and all the other children in. I feel like my home has been turned upside down and inside out.
Fear for what the future holds could overcome all of us at any moment. But as I've said over and over these last few weeks, this we know: this is no surprise to God, He still sits on His throne, and we will get through this...One. Day. At. A. Time....because He promises that He will never leave us or forsake us! And the other thing I know without a doubt is that I am more thankful than ever that God gave me Paizley. The hurt and pain and anger and frustration and the 1,000 + 1 other emotions I have had are all worth it because a life has been redeemed...there is hope that Paizley can still have an amazing life and so can this child. Paizley has a support system now that she didn't have just 14 months ago...and that support system is called a family! It's been the hardest year of my life, and this next one might knock this year off that title....but even still, she is my daughter, and I would not change that. I find myself falling to my knees often these days, but I'm just thankful there is a place to fall!
We covet your prayers. The prayers of our friends and family who know have kept our noses just above drowning level these past few weeks. We covet your prayers for our other children. They have to deal with this also. And we covet your prayers for Paizley.
I want you to know that my last post about Paizley and her one year anniversary of being with us was written with the full knowledge of what I am sharing....and I meant every word! So this is what I knew....Paizley is pregnant. Our family will be growing again in a way I never hoped. While as a parent I have always said I'm not prideful or naive enough to think we wouldn't have to deal with a pregnant teen, I never thought I would be doing it this soon. But here we are.
As I have shared with our close friends and family the most difficult part of this is learning how to deal with the entire issue and balance the fact that a sin created this life, but the life is not a sin. We are so sorrowful and at times angry about the choices that were made that got us to this point, but we can't be angry at an innocent life now growing inside my daughter. We have to celebrate this life as we would any because God has ordained it just as He does all lives He creates! (Psalm 139).
I'm sure many will judge us on many levels as we walk this journey. Each step we did what we believed was best for Paizley and our entire family. The irony of this is that she was being home schooled (what I think many times is seen as the ultimate protection from "the world") when this happened. One thing I've learned is that short of locking them in a room with no windows and only a little air to breath, your children will make their own choices and whether you agree with them or not, you all have to deal with the consequences.
Many have asked if we are encouraging her to place the baby for adoption. And most are shocked to learn that at this time we are not encouraging that. Obviously we are very pro-adoption! We fully believe adoption is a great option for unplanned pregnancies. However, we have always believed and still believe that this should be the last resort (other than abortion of course which is not even an option in our minds) for the biological family. Let me try to explain.
God gave this baby to Paizley. One thing I will never understand is why so many loving families struggle with infertility while so many babies are having babies and so many women who truly don't want their children are becoming pregnant multiple times. I don't understand it. I didn't understand it when we miscarried and the pain was very personal, and I don't understand it now when my daughter is one of those teens that is making it difficult for others who struggle with infertility. All I know is God's ways and thoughts are not mine! And I, the clay, do not say to the potter do this or that! And that is where I have to leave those thoughts and feelings.
But I know this. God does not give us more than we can handle IN HIM! That is a vital part of that scripture that we often leave out. I also know God does not give babies to women for them to give to someone else. Let me add here that there are extenuating circumstances of course. There are young women who have no support system who truly can't take on the financial or emotional strain of a baby and the most selfless thing they can do is place the baby. Those women are my heroes! I've always wondered how they have the strength to do it and sitting where I am now, I wonder even more! I can't even imagine what it takes to look at your baby, kiss it good bye and hand it to another person all because you love him or her so much that you want what you can't give! Truly, if you are reading this and have walked that path, I am in awe! You are amazing!!! But in general, I hold to the belief that if God has placed a life in you, He will equip you and walk with you in order to parent that baby. However, that means you have to be willing to make the choices and put forth the effort to grow and mature into the parent God intends you to be.
And that is what we are telling our daughter. First and foremost, the decision is hers. This is her baby! But at this point, we are encouraging her to put forth the effort to become the mother this baby needs. We have a lot of hard work ahead of us these next few months in all areas. But I believe Paizley can be an amazing mother to this child, and I would never encourage any woman to place her baby for adoption if she is willing to put in the work to mother him or her!
My mommy heart aches for Paizley. I keep willing time to stand still so this baby won't come until she gets to have the childhood that had already been robbed of her. The childhood we were trying so desperately to give back to her. But no matter how much I long for the time to stop....it keeps going and the baby inside of her is growing every day...and now, she has to be a woman....a mom. I struggle with what role this puts her and me and all the other children in. I feel like my home has been turned upside down and inside out.
Fear for what the future holds could overcome all of us at any moment. But as I've said over and over these last few weeks, this we know: this is no surprise to God, He still sits on His throne, and we will get through this...One. Day. At. A. Time....because He promises that He will never leave us or forsake us! And the other thing I know without a doubt is that I am more thankful than ever that God gave me Paizley. The hurt and pain and anger and frustration and the 1,000 + 1 other emotions I have had are all worth it because a life has been redeemed...there is hope that Paizley can still have an amazing life and so can this child. Paizley has a support system now that she didn't have just 14 months ago...and that support system is called a family! It's been the hardest year of my life, and this next one might knock this year off that title....but even still, she is my daughter, and I would not change that. I find myself falling to my knees often these days, but I'm just thankful there is a place to fall!
We covet your prayers. The prayers of our friends and family who know have kept our noses just above drowning level these past few weeks. We covet your prayers for our other children. They have to deal with this also. And we covet your prayers for Paizley.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Family Come to Jesus Meeting Results
So the Come to Jesus Meeting went well! Can't say it was great, had a few tense moments, but at least now I'm not the only one that will be miserable around here! Ok, Just kidding..but really, the responsibilities have been spread and I feel much less emotionally involved as I know there are things I can do with the kids that takes the burden off me to constantly remind them to do their chores! Plus, my bathroom cabinets were wiped down, the toilet bases were scrubbed and both cars will be cleaned out when we have a warm day...
One of the things we came up with was the "Irresponsibility Can". If I have to do a chore for them, then they have to do a chore for me. If they backtalk or do anything that would drain my energy (a Love and Logic term) then they have to go to the Irresponsibility Can and pick a chore. In said can are the chores that John and I don't like to do. You know, things like scrub the toilets, clean mini-blinds, pick up the dog poop, etc! They are all in the can and the children draw their ch0re anytime they are being irresponsible. So far so good....we will see how it goes as the week goes on!
One of the things we came up with was the "Irresponsibility Can". If I have to do a chore for them, then they have to do a chore for me. If they backtalk or do anything that would drain my energy (a Love and Logic term) then they have to go to the Irresponsibility Can and pick a chore. In said can are the chores that John and I don't like to do. You know, things like scrub the toilets, clean mini-blinds, pick up the dog poop, etc! They are all in the can and the children draw their ch0re anytime they are being irresponsible. So far so good....we will see how it goes as the week goes on!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Confessions of a Large Family Mom
I hear all the time, "how do you do it?" Well, frankly, this week, I haven't! I haven't done "it" at all! I've managed to keep the house picked up and that's about it! I haven' t done all that needs to be done for my job...just bare minimums, I haven't discipled my children at all, and frankly, I haven't even really been all that nice. I'm tired and grumpy! Kind of already knew that, but was confirmed when Isabella told me early this week that she went to the counselor at school and asked her if it was normal for pregnant women to be grumpy and mean. Not exactly one of my prouder moments!
So I have tried to do some major self-reflection to see what is going on! I feel the depression creeping back and I am determined to not fall into that pit again!
Anyone who has been a Christian long knows that Bible study and prayer are key when you are trying to battle through anything! But I haven't been very good at that lately. Not because of time....yes, time is a valuable commodity around here, but you make time for what you think is important! I make the time when I'm not in my funk, so time can't be an excuse! The bottom line is, I don't want to. I'm throwing a tantrum for God...real mature, huh?!
Two reasons for not wanting to get in the Word. One, I'm afraid of what He will tell me. I'm not ready to be stretched anymore right now. And there is one particular direction I'm pretty sure God is telling me to go that I flat don't want to. The other is, I don't feel like I have the power or energy to change anything else right now. Of course no of those are true, but in the funk I'm in, they feel true. And being in the funk I'm in, the "feelings" control me instead of truth! Bad place to be!
Maybe there is a third reason....I'm tired of battle! Part of me thinks if I quit chasing after God so hard, maybe the enemy will leave me alone for awhile. Truth? He probably will....but then God will be after me, and rightly so! So all that brings me to where I am this morning...what am I going to do between This Rock and this hard place?
Well, I'm going to fight my way back to standing on The Rock and get out of the hard place! I have had two words spoken over me and God has shown scripture that shows exactly what He wants for me right now and it is victory! I have joined the Beth Moore Scripture Memory challenge for this year thanks to the challenge of a friend of mine. So I am memorizing two scriptures a month. This month, I am memorizing some from Joel 2 which was the Word spoken over me for this year. Verse 25 says, "Then I will make up to you for the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the creeping locust, the stripping locust and the gnawing locust, My great army which I sent among you." John and I have been married for 13 years. I would say the majority of that 13 years has been stolen by locust of one kind or another in one of us. Time and again, God has shown us that 2011 is the year to reclaim those years and see the fruit! That makes the enemy nervous and angry, and he is in full force.
I KNOW the truth! That is what frustrates me so badly! I KNOW that the enemy has no power over me that I don't hand to him! I KNOW that I am an over comer by the words of my testimony and the blood of the Lamb! But knowing it and walking in it seem to be two totally different things! So today has been a reflection of how to get that knowledge to my feet in order to walk!
I have a lot I need to get in order, but I see that the enemy uses our family size many times to drain me! And that is what God has been revealing today and even the weeks before today when I have found myself exhausted and snapping by 5:00 every day.
John and I love Parenting with Love and Logic. There are some areas of it that we have to tweek, especially parenting children from hard places, but the concepts are fabulous! I have noticed over the past few weeks, that we have slipped back into very bad old habits! Our kids have to be told EVERYTHING to do...including brush their hair in the case of the boys! We have been threatening to shave their heads (or at least cut it very short) if they don't start taking care of it. But have we followed through? NO! Instead, every morning, I find myself saying, "Have you brushed your hair?" numerous times and then waiting in the car while one of them runs back into the bathroom to brush his hair! Even the older girls have to be told EVERYTHING they are supposed to do. We have chore charts. No one looks at them! They just wait for John or I to tell them what to do! Well, by the end of the day when I have told 6 people plus myself what to do for every little step of their day, I am worn out! That's nuts!
I have said on her before that I am not an organized person. It really does not come naturally to me. I have begged with God recently to make me more organized and asked him why in the world He didn't give me more organization genes since He knew He was going to give me all these children. But the fact of the matter is, even the systems we have in place, we are not using! We are letting our children run our home and then we are all snappy and grippy!
So today, after school and homework, when John gets home, we are having a family Come to Jesus Meeting! It will start with John and I confessing the areas we have not been good parents. I think it is important to model proper failure (if there is such a thing) for your children! It is important for them to understand that even when you are not being successful you can stop, repent, and turn it around! And then we are laying down some hard and fast ground rules for chores and responsibilities around here. Mom and dad are done being drill sergeants! Its time for the responsibility for themselves to go back on the children where it belongs! And if they refuse to take the responsibility, well, then their life will become a little more miserable as they suffer natural consequences of not being able to handle responsibility. I'm doing being miserable because they can't handle responsibility!
Wish me luck...or better yet, say a prayer for us! And I will let you know how it goes! I'm off to write down some of the issues and brain storm from natural consequences!
So I have tried to do some major self-reflection to see what is going on! I feel the depression creeping back and I am determined to not fall into that pit again!
Anyone who has been a Christian long knows that Bible study and prayer are key when you are trying to battle through anything! But I haven't been very good at that lately. Not because of time....yes, time is a valuable commodity around here, but you make time for what you think is important! I make the time when I'm not in my funk, so time can't be an excuse! The bottom line is, I don't want to. I'm throwing a tantrum for God...real mature, huh?!
Two reasons for not wanting to get in the Word. One, I'm afraid of what He will tell me. I'm not ready to be stretched anymore right now. And there is one particular direction I'm pretty sure God is telling me to go that I flat don't want to. The other is, I don't feel like I have the power or energy to change anything else right now. Of course no of those are true, but in the funk I'm in, they feel true. And being in the funk I'm in, the "feelings" control me instead of truth! Bad place to be!
Maybe there is a third reason....I'm tired of battle! Part of me thinks if I quit chasing after God so hard, maybe the enemy will leave me alone for awhile. Truth? He probably will....but then God will be after me, and rightly so! So all that brings me to where I am this morning...what am I going to do between This Rock and this hard place?
Well, I'm going to fight my way back to standing on The Rock and get out of the hard place! I have had two words spoken over me and God has shown scripture that shows exactly what He wants for me right now and it is victory! I have joined the Beth Moore Scripture Memory challenge for this year thanks to the challenge of a friend of mine. So I am memorizing two scriptures a month. This month, I am memorizing some from Joel 2 which was the Word spoken over me for this year. Verse 25 says, "Then I will make up to you for the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the creeping locust, the stripping locust and the gnawing locust, My great army which I sent among you." John and I have been married for 13 years. I would say the majority of that 13 years has been stolen by locust of one kind or another in one of us. Time and again, God has shown us that 2011 is the year to reclaim those years and see the fruit! That makes the enemy nervous and angry, and he is in full force.
I KNOW the truth! That is what frustrates me so badly! I KNOW that the enemy has no power over me that I don't hand to him! I KNOW that I am an over comer by the words of my testimony and the blood of the Lamb! But knowing it and walking in it seem to be two totally different things! So today has been a reflection of how to get that knowledge to my feet in order to walk!
I have a lot I need to get in order, but I see that the enemy uses our family size many times to drain me! And that is what God has been revealing today and even the weeks before today when I have found myself exhausted and snapping by 5:00 every day.
John and I love Parenting with Love and Logic. There are some areas of it that we have to tweek, especially parenting children from hard places, but the concepts are fabulous! I have noticed over the past few weeks, that we have slipped back into very bad old habits! Our kids have to be told EVERYTHING to do...including brush their hair in the case of the boys! We have been threatening to shave their heads (or at least cut it very short) if they don't start taking care of it. But have we followed through? NO! Instead, every morning, I find myself saying, "Have you brushed your hair?" numerous times and then waiting in the car while one of them runs back into the bathroom to brush his hair! Even the older girls have to be told EVERYTHING they are supposed to do. We have chore charts. No one looks at them! They just wait for John or I to tell them what to do! Well, by the end of the day when I have told 6 people plus myself what to do for every little step of their day, I am worn out! That's nuts!
I have said on her before that I am not an organized person. It really does not come naturally to me. I have begged with God recently to make me more organized and asked him why in the world He didn't give me more organization genes since He knew He was going to give me all these children. But the fact of the matter is, even the systems we have in place, we are not using! We are letting our children run our home and then we are all snappy and grippy!
So today, after school and homework, when John gets home, we are having a family Come to Jesus Meeting! It will start with John and I confessing the areas we have not been good parents. I think it is important to model proper failure (if there is such a thing) for your children! It is important for them to understand that even when you are not being successful you can stop, repent, and turn it around! And then we are laying down some hard and fast ground rules for chores and responsibilities around here. Mom and dad are done being drill sergeants! Its time for the responsibility for themselves to go back on the children where it belongs! And if they refuse to take the responsibility, well, then their life will become a little more miserable as they suffer natural consequences of not being able to handle responsibility. I'm doing being miserable because they can't handle responsibility!
Wish me luck...or better yet, say a prayer for us! And I will let you know how it goes! I'm off to write down some of the issues and brain storm from natural consequences!
Friday, January 21, 2011
IN it but not OF it: Part 1
I have always struggled with the true meaning of John 17. In case you haven't figured it out by now, I am an analyzer! Sometimes I over analyze things, and this may be one of those times. However, this scripture has come to mind several times lately as I have struggled through different areas.
"I am no longer in the world; and yet they themselves are in the world...and the world has hated them, because they are not of this word, even as I am not of the world." John 11,14
Over the years, my struggle with the "in but not of it" truth has evolved. In my early years, especially in my legalistic thinking, it was a statement of arrogance. "I'm not one of them" I am among them because I have to be, but I am not "of " them! Reading it in full context, that is most definitely NOT what Jesus is talking about! He is talking about love, NOT pride!
Then my struggle evolved to the riches part of the world. This was particularly a struggle when we first started working in Africa. I felt guilty for having a home with running water and electricity. I felt guilty for having food on my table and a steady income. I have to live in this world because Jesus left us here, but I am not to be "of" it. What exactly does "of" it mean?! Does it mean I shouldn't embrace any of its luxuries or benefits? Does it mean I can't have fun? Does it mean I sit in solemn studious stature and meditate on The Word? As I've learned more of The Word and more of God's character, I can definitely say no to those as well! As far as enjoying the luxuries the world has to offer, well, I still struggle with that! I know the answer is in balance. But where is that balance?
I am finding my struggle with the "in" it but not "of" it has intensified the last few weeks. It has become quite an internal struggle as well, in myself, but also in my family, meaning with me, John and the kids. If you want to know how much of a bubble you have been in, bring in an older child who has seen, heard and experienced things that no child should! While I hear my friends talk about how much they are shielding their children from "the world", I realize I have brought "the world" in to live in my home. Please don't misunderstand that statement. I know without a shadow of a doubt that Isabella is meant to be in our home, and I am so thankful every day that God delivered me from fear so that I could take this journey and say yes to adding her to our family. She is AMAZING! Truly, amazing!
But by no fault of her own, she has not only been in the world, but she has been all about the world! What motivates her, what makes her happy, her interaction with friends and others, it is all wrapped in the lies of this world. It is all based on the lies spewed by the Father of Lies who rules this earth. It is based on the things that will kill, steal and destroy! But he is a master liar! He makes it all look so good. I am finding it so difficult to "argue" with what satan makes look so appealing.
I know the Truth! I know where the low road will lead and where the high road will lead. But I also know that I can't make the decision to take the high road for any of my children! Oh that I could!
I can "make" my children obey my rules! I can take away all privileges until they get the picture that it is my way or they highway! I am not a parent who will ever say as many did to me when I was teaching 6th grade, "I've tried everything and nothing seems to work." I know how to get their attention. However, I don't want to just get their attention, I want to transform their heart!
You see, I can make them act the way I want them to, but that truly is not my goal! My goal is to build warriors for God's kingdom. That means they have to understand the cost and choose to do it anyway. That means that somewhere in side of themselves, they have to value the ways of God over the ways of this world. Somewhere inside of them they have to understand that what looks like denying themselves pleasure or what looks like hard right now, in the end will bring more pleasure than anything this world has to offer and will make life easier!
But how to do I get them there, especially one who has been soaked in the world for 15 years, and I have a short 3 to totally turn it around? It makes my head and heart hurt!
As I sit down to spend time with God today, that is my question for Him. What now? Honeymoon is over, and real life is here. What boundaries do I put in place to keep my children safe even if they don't understand, and what freedoms do I give because too many boundaries will only produce rebellion. I love Karyn Purvis' analogy of the horse. You pull back on the reigns slightly and they stop. You pull back a little harder and they back up. You pull back even harder and they buck! I need some stopping and some backing up, but bucking is not proving to be beneficial!
God, I'm here again with the same question for different reasons! How do I teach my children to have a heart for you? When the world is so tempting, how do I keep their eyes on you? How do I take my daughter who has been taught all the wrong ways and show her the right ways without crushing her? How hard do I push? When do I back off? God, I ask forgiveness for avoiding You myself and backing up from You because I didn't want the internal struggle of flesh verses Holy! But as I told one of my children last night, I would rather be lame and Holy than worldly and popular. Help me be a strong example to my children, especially to my girls of how You want Your daughters to look and act. Stoke my heart's fire for you so that my love for You is evident in my every word, action and thought towards my children. Protect my children from the enemy! Bind him from our home. We belong to You and we will have children who love You and live for Your kingdom purposes! Thank you for your promise that Your Word never returns void. Thank you for the assurance that even as my daughters study Your word in the morning and by afternoon seem to have forgotten it, I know the Truth that You will use those seeds in their lives! Holy Spirit, speak to me words of wisdom as I deal with each of these situations with my children. Give me words of love and discipline that lead them to You and not push them away from me and You. In Jesus Name ~Amen!
Honestly, how do people parent without the wisdom of the Holy Spirit? So thankful for my relationship with God as we walk this journey called parenting! Can't imagine how badly I would mess it up without Him!
"I am no longer in the world; and yet they themselves are in the world...and the world has hated them, because they are not of this word, even as I am not of the world." John 11,14
Over the years, my struggle with the "in but not of it" truth has evolved. In my early years, especially in my legalistic thinking, it was a statement of arrogance. "I'm not one of them" I am among them because I have to be, but I am not "of " them! Reading it in full context, that is most definitely NOT what Jesus is talking about! He is talking about love, NOT pride!
Then my struggle evolved to the riches part of the world. This was particularly a struggle when we first started working in Africa. I felt guilty for having a home with running water and electricity. I felt guilty for having food on my table and a steady income. I have to live in this world because Jesus left us here, but I am not to be "of" it. What exactly does "of" it mean?! Does it mean I shouldn't embrace any of its luxuries or benefits? Does it mean I can't have fun? Does it mean I sit in solemn studious stature and meditate on The Word? As I've learned more of The Word and more of God's character, I can definitely say no to those as well! As far as enjoying the luxuries the world has to offer, well, I still struggle with that! I know the answer is in balance. But where is that balance?
I am finding my struggle with the "in" it but not "of" it has intensified the last few weeks. It has become quite an internal struggle as well, in myself, but also in my family, meaning with me, John and the kids. If you want to know how much of a bubble you have been in, bring in an older child who has seen, heard and experienced things that no child should! While I hear my friends talk about how much they are shielding their children from "the world", I realize I have brought "the world" in to live in my home. Please don't misunderstand that statement. I know without a shadow of a doubt that Isabella is meant to be in our home, and I am so thankful every day that God delivered me from fear so that I could take this journey and say yes to adding her to our family. She is AMAZING! Truly, amazing!
But by no fault of her own, she has not only been in the world, but she has been all about the world! What motivates her, what makes her happy, her interaction with friends and others, it is all wrapped in the lies of this world. It is all based on the lies spewed by the Father of Lies who rules this earth. It is based on the things that will kill, steal and destroy! But he is a master liar! He makes it all look so good. I am finding it so difficult to "argue" with what satan makes look so appealing.
I know the Truth! I know where the low road will lead and where the high road will lead. But I also know that I can't make the decision to take the high road for any of my children! Oh that I could!
I can "make" my children obey my rules! I can take away all privileges until they get the picture that it is my way or they highway! I am not a parent who will ever say as many did to me when I was teaching 6th grade, "I've tried everything and nothing seems to work." I know how to get their attention. However, I don't want to just get their attention, I want to transform their heart!
You see, I can make them act the way I want them to, but that truly is not my goal! My goal is to build warriors for God's kingdom. That means they have to understand the cost and choose to do it anyway. That means that somewhere in side of themselves, they have to value the ways of God over the ways of this world. Somewhere inside of them they have to understand that what looks like denying themselves pleasure or what looks like hard right now, in the end will bring more pleasure than anything this world has to offer and will make life easier!
But how to do I get them there, especially one who has been soaked in the world for 15 years, and I have a short 3 to totally turn it around? It makes my head and heart hurt!
As I sit down to spend time with God today, that is my question for Him. What now? Honeymoon is over, and real life is here. What boundaries do I put in place to keep my children safe even if they don't understand, and what freedoms do I give because too many boundaries will only produce rebellion. I love Karyn Purvis' analogy of the horse. You pull back on the reigns slightly and they stop. You pull back a little harder and they back up. You pull back even harder and they buck! I need some stopping and some backing up, but bucking is not proving to be beneficial!
God, I'm here again with the same question for different reasons! How do I teach my children to have a heart for you? When the world is so tempting, how do I keep their eyes on you? How do I take my daughter who has been taught all the wrong ways and show her the right ways without crushing her? How hard do I push? When do I back off? God, I ask forgiveness for avoiding You myself and backing up from You because I didn't want the internal struggle of flesh verses Holy! But as I told one of my children last night, I would rather be lame and Holy than worldly and popular. Help me be a strong example to my children, especially to my girls of how You want Your daughters to look and act. Stoke my heart's fire for you so that my love for You is evident in my every word, action and thought towards my children. Protect my children from the enemy! Bind him from our home. We belong to You and we will have children who love You and live for Your kingdom purposes! Thank you for your promise that Your Word never returns void. Thank you for the assurance that even as my daughters study Your word in the morning and by afternoon seem to have forgotten it, I know the Truth that You will use those seeds in their lives! Holy Spirit, speak to me words of wisdom as I deal with each of these situations with my children. Give me words of love and discipline that lead them to You and not push them away from me and You. In Jesus Name ~Amen!
Honestly, how do people parent without the wisdom of the Holy Spirit? So thankful for my relationship with God as we walk this journey called parenting! Can't imagine how badly I would mess it up without Him!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
