Already off the wagon - but not staying there!

Trained two days, then skipped three days! Ugh! I told you I was committed to the good, the bad, and the ugly on here!  That's ugly! 


It seemed everything worked against me this week...sick kids, extra work load...but that's just it.  In this season, there will not be a "convenient" time for getting healthy.  I am going to have to fight for the time to run/exercise.  I am going to have to carve out time to cook and shop healthy.  It has to take priority!  I can't have the "later" mentality....like, I'll run later today.  First thing in the morning before the rest of my world comes to life is going to have to be my time for exercise.  
I know the battle is still raging because at one point yesterday the despair of trying and failing so many times came back with overwhelming force! You know that, "You failed again, you might as well just quit" voice. Followed by "You'll never be anything other than what you are right now."  Well, that's just a lie!  The enemy wants to keep me in a state of despair and defeat!  
Part of maturing in my walk with Christ and in particularly in my awareness of the spiritual realm and what it means in my daily walk is recognizing attacks for what they are and fighting back with the weapons of warfare.  Second Corinthians 10 tell us that even though we walk in the flesh, we don't war with weapons of the flesh.  We have to fight with the weapons of spiritual warfare that are "divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses." We are not fighting things of this world.  So fighting with things we "see" will do no good.  This chapter continues to tell us, "We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God."  That's it! We are fighting against those things we have believed - like I am a failure at exercising and getting healthy!  A text came in yesterday that sent me in a tail spin toward depression.  It might as well have been signed, "love, Satan"!  It was directly from him to put another brick in the fortress of the stronghold of the lies he wants me to believe about my ability to handle all that is in my life right now.  But when I realize it was a fiery dart sent from the enemy, I can stop the spiral with the Truth!  Looking back at the circumstances surrounding the babies coming to live with us (something we never sought out, but God lit each step of the path...steps we didn't even know were there!)...how He orchestrated the move and blessed us in so many ways along that path, when I stop and look at those Truths along with Philippians 4:13 that promises I can do anything as long as it is God strengthening me to do it, I can know there is hope. And I know that I am on the path God has asked me to walk even if it seems crazy to most everyone else, and I do what 2 Corinthians 10 says we do with our weapons of warfare, "we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ!" 
As soon as I stopped, hit my knees, cried out, started repeating out loud (my kids are used to it now and only occasionally ask me if I've lost my mind) these Truths, the despair lifted! The hope returned.  Nothing about my circumstances changed one bit.  It was all fought and won in my mind!  
It's the same with any stronghold that has a grip on you and is keeping you from walking in complete freedom and victory in Christ!  First we have to ask if there is any sin that is allowing the enemy access to us in this area.  If there is, we have to stop, and repent.  That means turn and go the other way!  God's forgiveness is complete and total!  That sin is gone.  Now you have to replace the hole left by that sin in your mind with Truth!  The enemy will desperately try to keep you in bondage even after you have stopped sinning.  And sometimes, there is no sin.  It's just the words of another or a generational bondage that has been passed down through your family.  Whatever it is, the answer is the same.....use scripture to deflect the arrow of lies that the enemy uses to build the stronghold.  With every Truth you believe, a brick of the wall falls. 
I've known the tools for years, but I am just now learning how to recognize the battle immediately and put the tools to use!  It is energizing and brings so much hope!  When you realize the enemy truly has no power over you than what you give him, you start recognizing when you've given him power and you TAKE. IT. BACK!
So, today, I will run!  I will not buy the lie that I can't do it.  I will not buy the lie that this time will be the same as all times before.  And I will not buy the lie that my life is too much to handle! And I pray for anyone reading this who is battling lies keeping them in a stronghold that Holy Spirit will speak Truth over you that you can cling to and tear down your stronghold as well!  
For if the Son makes you free, you are free indeed! (John 8:36)

5K - It's more than a run!

So the kids brought this home on Monday.

In most stories where weight has been a life long battle, you hear of the "one defining moment" when that person who has not overcome the weight battle decides no matter what, it's done! I have always wondered if that moment would come for me.  I've battled it my entire life!  I would see a picture of myself and think, Wow! That's what I look like? But still didn't stick to a battle plan.  Pretty sure seeing this card that was delivered by my sweet Ava will go down in history as my defining moment.  When I looked down and saw the date.....December 14....something in me clicked! That's my 40th birthday.  I had determined on my birthday last year that I would not enter the next decade as unhealthy as I am now.  I would enter the new decade lighter and more able to carry out all my daily life requires of me.  Little did I know the demands of my daily life would just about double over this year between the move and that babies coming to live with us.  With all the added responsibility and time demands, I struggled to find time for any type of exercise.  And without the exercise, I know weight loss is not going to happen for me.  That would start a vicious cycle of not eating right because it wasn't worth it if I couldn't exercise.  Then there is just the fact of eating right takes planning ahead! All of it just seemed like an insurmountable mountain!

But when I stared at that date realizing it is just a little over a month away...and while I am a few pounds under where I was on December 14 of last year, I am nowhere near where I want to be!

But it's more than weight! It's more than being healthy! For me, this is a spiritual battle.  I am not saying this for everyone who struggles with weight, but for me, it is an area of bondage.  And frankly, I am sick of being in bondage to this! Jesus went to the cross to set me FREE! If I am in bondage, it's because I am believing the lies the enemy throws at me.  The only bondage I can be in is the one I willingly remain in.  Well, this prisoner is busting through the gates!

I am two days in.  I have run for two days, now. I didn't run this morning because Journey is sick and was up most of the night..so the enemy is already taunting me with failing.  Well, devil, the Day. Ain't. Over!  I will run tonight!

Even in my runs, I am finding freedom!  I put on praise music or sermons while I run/walk.  If anyone were to follow me, I am sure they would pretty much think I have lost my mind!  I pray out loud when I have enough air to do it.  I declare that victory is mine!  Each time my foot goes down on the cement..sometimes heavier than others when I am about to the end of my running time....I envision the enemy right there, under my foot!  With each step I take I am running farther and farther from my prison cell!  And it's exhilarating! Who needs drugs when you have Jesus?!

So I am taking you on this journey with me! I am making a promise to post the good, the bad and the ugly! Not because I am all excited about putting it out there, but because I know everyone that walks this earth is in bondage to something!  And for those of us who have areas that we have tried to break free from all our lives, the chains feel too heavy to carry much less break free from!  But because of tools I have been given by people wiser and further in their walk in Christ than me, I now have the tools to break the chains...no matter how thick!  I want EVERYONE to have these tools! The church of America has not taught these over the past many years!
And you see, my "prison" is literally worn on my body! I have felt at times like it is the scarlet "A" hanging around my neck!  I have a dream to one day stand before women as a motivational speaker/teacher or stand before adoptive parents to encourage them in the battles of loving children from abuse and neglect.  When I stand there, I want to stand in freedom!  Don't hear me say that I wouldn't do it right now at the weight I am, I would! But I want freedom in ALL areas!  I want ALL God has for me!  And I want to stand as a representation of freedom in Christ in all areas!  I want to reflect God in the best way I can! And I don't do that at the weigh I am right now.

So it's time to take back the temple! This time, I don't stop until I reach the goal.  For today, the goal is a 5K where I will cross the finish line at the fastest pace I can on the day I enter my 4th decade marking a new season in life where the enemy has no more power over me in this area!