A sad day

The meeting is over

We spoke the words God gave us

They were not received so well

We are at an impass

All they can offer is helping us with a board

They can help put us in touch with other para ministry people

We need more

Our ministry is not their responsibility

They will pace with people, but not ministry

They don't know what the church's role is in a member's life either

Our senior pastor didn't even bother to attend

Some lies were spoken

We were disappointed

We are sad

Our hearts are broken

We are with out a church home

We are seeking His face

We are excited to see what He has for us

But first we must grieve our loss

Five years of our life and almost all our relationships are there

But God will heal

God will provide

I am so thankful God is not man!!!

Full transparency.....

I have not posted anything about this because I am not sure if any family reads this. But the more I have prayed about it, the more I have felt compelled to blog because the issue I am facing faces so many women longing to adopt. So I decided if I am truly transparent about my life, especially about adoption in order to help others, I have to blog. So if there are any family members reading this, you might want to stop here! Or if you continue, do not be angry that we didn't share this info with you. Didn't want to concern or worry you if we didn't go through with anything.

I have blogged a couple of times about my longing for a newborn aa girl and how God has worked on me some in this area over the last few months. I just looked up the posts where I did that. You can read them here and here.

Well, I have had a very heavy heart about this for several weeks. I have journaled, I have prayed and I have searched situation pages. I have a friend here who is very involved in the AA community and has a ministry to help young moms with parenting skills and other issues. Last Sunday, the baby thing was on my heart so strongly I couldn't shake it. So when I was supposed to be praying for our church (I do that as part of a prayer team during one of our services, but I was the only one in there again!), I was praying for my baby. (I did pray for the church too, just not the whole time!) When I went upstairs to pick up Noah, I thought, "I need to talk to Jody (my friend with the ministry). So I walk next door to get Callie, and Jody is standing right in front of me. So I told her hastily as she was running late to a class, that I feel God calling us to a baby girl and if she knew of one needing a home to let me know. She said she actually had someone tell her about one. So I made contact with her later to find out about that... turned out to be a dead end. So in the mean time I found a situation with a drug exposed mother. I prayed, talked to John, prayed some more, asked lots of questions of the referral service, and started researching. With John's blessing, I started the process of updating our home study for a domestic placement. We went through the whole process (those of you who have had a home study will laugh.....I had to do a home visit on spur of the moment since time was of the essence! My kitchen floor was sticky, and as I opened the door to let my social worker in, I saw a pair or Toben's underwear under the dining room table! Have no idea how they go there, but those things will keep you humble for sure!). I started about Monday, and the girl was dilated to a 3, but had not delivered yet. We didn't know the sex of the baby at this time. I REALLY want a girl and a girl will fit in our bedroom situation as she would share with Ava instead of having to put 3 boys in one room. But as I felt called to this situation, I layed down my "wants" and told God I would be obedient and walk ahead even if it was a boy! So Friday morning I got an e-mail saying the baby was born and is a girl! My heart skipped a beat. We had everything we needed except John's criminal check. His expired Sept. 1. So I ran around like a crazy person trying to see if we could use that for now and then do an update once the new one came in.

I found out we could, so I moved ahead full force, getting more excited with each hour that passed. About mid afternoon, John just said, "I can't do this." I said, "Can't do what?" I knew what he was about to say, but we were also remodeling, so I was hoping it had to do with that! But it didn't, it was the baby. He just didn't think he could do a baby right now. There were many reasons that I won't go into here as those are our private matters, but we talked......I was disappointed beyond belief and began mourning the loss of the little girl I had already brought home to the nursery in my mind and heart.

This always leaves me perplexed. How can I hear God so clearly, yet John says it is not time? Who is wrong and who is right? As I struggled with that briefly, I was reminded that it doesn't matter who was wrong or right, I am to submit to my husband. If he didn't hear God say this is our baby, then my job is to rest in that. Does that mean I was wrong, I don't think so. But to push John when he isn't ready even if I think it is God or to make my husband feel inferior to me spiritually and say that I heard God and he didn't, would be wrong! That would not be respectful or submissive. As soon as those thoughts came to mind, and I rested in them, I was filled with peace. Do I still grieve that little girl? A little, but I know there is a little girl out there, and I know my good God will bring me one when John and I are both ready.

John said the next morning when he was praying that he didn't think we would have to "pay for" (I hate that term, but it is true) a baby. That we would find one just needing a home like we did with Noah. That means more waiting....I hate to wait! But we are home study ready now! :)

I share this with you all because I talk to women every day who struggle because they have a heart for adoption and their husband is not there. So don't stop praying! Keep that heart and ask God to soften your husband. I didn't say pound him or nag him as that will do no good! But pray, God can change his heart! John was done having children with Callie, and now we are looking at number 5 (and six if Sundayma comes to us also!). John, just ignore that last part! FOCUS on the baby! hee! hee!

Don't Waste Your Life

I started reading Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper a while back. I blogged some about it. Well, I picked it up again last night. It amazed me lately how God puts exactly the right material in my hand at exactly the right time! Here are some things that spoke to me....hope they encourage you!

"...the life of a Christian includes many deaths...(1 Cor 15:31, Luke 9:23)...Daily Christian living is daily Christian dying. The dying I have in mind is the dying of comfort and security and reputation and health and family and friends and wealth and home land. These may be taken from us at any time in the path of Christ-exalting obedience....In other words, the way we honor Christ in death is to treasure Jesus above the gift of life, and the way we honor Christ in life is to treasure Jesus above life's gifts."

"Untold number of professing Christians waste their lives trying to escape the cost of love. They do not see that it is always worth it. There is more of God's glory to be seen and savored through suffering than through self-serving escape."

"All who desire to live a godly life in Christ will be persecuted" (2 Tim 3:12) [emphasis mine]

"What a tragic waste when people turn away from the Calvary road of love and suffering. All the riches of the glory of God in Christ are on that road. All the sweetest fellowship of Jesus is there. All the treasures of assurance. All the ecstasies of joy. All the clearest sightings of eternity. All the noblest camaraderie. All the the humblest affections. All the most tender acts of forgiving kindness. All the deepest discoveries of God's Word. All the most earnest prayers. They are all on the Calvary road where Jesus walks with his people. Take up your cross and follow Jesus. On this road and this road alone, life is Christ and death is gain. Life on every other road is wasted."

Powerful words!

Prayers please!

If you are reading this before Sunday at 3:00 pm central time, please pray for John and I. We will be meeting with our church leadership over two major issues. One is a breach of confidentiality of my personal, intimate information (information meant only for my mentor) among staff members. The second is the church's stand on supporting ministries of members that don't fall into their "scope and sequence" of missions. Pray that God gives us wisdom and discernment. Pray that we are able to act righteously and Christ like in all responses and reactions. We are truly seeking God's face on this and want to do whatever He is calling us to do. We appreciate any prayers on our and the leadership of our church's behalf! They have a tough job too!

My Noah

There have been so many things lately that have reminded me of what I would have missed had fear of unknowns and fears of people's reactions kept us from taking in a little boy 7 years ago!

Callie has always been a VERY spiritually in tune little girl....very serious and deep! But Noah, "he is take is for what it is" man! He has made several comments lately that just make me know for sure why God says we should come to him with the faith of a child!

He played football for the first time this year! He loved it! On his last game there was a huge rainbow in the sky. When Noah got in the car after his game, he said to John's dad, "Granddad, do you know why that rainbow is there?" Granddad: "No, why?!" Noah: "Because God missed my first game, and he wasn't going to miss the last one!" How priceless is that? At 7 years old, he takes God so personally! There were 6 football games going on, but that rainbow was there for HIM! :) I pray he never loses that!

Then on Monday when I took Callie and Noah to school, we were talking about how this is the first year that they both go to school as believers. God gave me the verse for them for this year out of Matthew 5. I was loosely quoting it saying that God calls us to be a light on the hill for the world, to be salt and light so that the world can see our works and glorify God in heaven. This little voice from the back seat interrupts me and says, "Mom, Can I be the light?" Mom: "Well, God says we have to be both salt and light." Noah: "Thank you, Jesus, that I get to be light!"

Then last night we were coming home from a friend's house who has a Wii. Noah says he asked "him" for a Wii, xbox 360, and a few more things I didn't have a clue what were. I asked him who he asked for those...he said he asked Jesus to tell Santa! Maybe there is a little issue that he thinks God talks to Santa for some who don't "do" Santa, but just the fact that he would be asking Jesus for his desires makes my heart sing!

What a joy it is to watch my children grow in their love of the Lord and take Him at his Word! I learn so many spiritual truths from my children! I guess that is why I would love to have more! :) Hint, hint, John! hee! hee!

Thank you to my blog world!

I have never been so lonely as when the church attacks. So thank you to my blog world! Through a course of events today, I am left with out trust in my closest "real world" friends. But there are several of you whom I have met through blog world that are now dear friends as we have talked on the phone or shared our hearts in e-mails and blog posts. So to all of you, I say Thank You! And thank you, God, that you have provided a way for Christians literally across the world to be connected so that we can encourage and support each other when the local church fails. I still have a support system via the web if my "real world" fell apart today! ;)

Tell me what you think!

I am searching for wisdom here. So please let me know your thoughts!

As a Christ follower, I know what my role is at my church body. Every church makes it clear what you need to do for them, right?! As a Christian who has committed to a body of believers, I am to give of my time, talents and resources in order to further the kingdom and edify the body. So what about "the body"? What can I expect from my church? All of you long time blog readers know that I struggle with the lack of support of our ministry from our church. They have taken me to lunch to specifically tell me that they are not going to support our ministry because it is not with in their "scope and sequence". Not sure how adoption cannot be with in the "scope and sequence" of a church as it is the heart of God, but that is what we were repeatedly told.

We are making an appointment to meet with our Pastor as we try to decide if God is calling us to another body as our ministry seems to be exploding and we really need some spiritual support.

I am reading Acts, but the "churches'' of today are soooo different in every way, that I am having a hard time in my lack of wisdom of sorting through it all. Let me just get one topic off the boar right away...this is NOT about financial support! God has blessed our ministry with wonderful donors that have kept us a float beyond all we could have hoped or imagined. I don't need, and really don't want their money! I just want support...a place to go when I feel like I am attacked on every side. A platform to share my passion in the case that someone else may have the same passion and be looking for a place to serve...etc.

So what do you think? What can a believer expect from the body? From the church?

A great reminder.....

Wise counsel from John Piper’s, Brothers We Are Not Professionals:
Ministry is its own worst enemy. It is not destroyed by the big bad wolf of the world. It destroys itself. The top 3 obstacles to spiritual growth – busyness, lack of discipline & interruptions. The great threat to our prayer and meditation on the Word of God is good ministry activity. We must secure uninterrupted meditation or we will lose power. That is the point of Acts 6:2-4.
Without extended and consecrated prayer, the ministry of the Word withers up and bears no fruit. The 120 were devoting themselves to prayer when the Spirit fell and gave them utterance with 3000 converts. These converts were also devoting themselves to prayer when signs and wonders were done and people were added to the church daily. Peter and his friends were in prayer when the place was shaken and they were filled with the Spirit and spoke the Word boldly. Paul relied on prayer that he might be given utterance to open his mouth and proclaim the mystery of the gospel (Eph. 6:19).
Without extended, concentrated prayer, the ministry of the Word withers. And when the ministry of the Word declines, faith (Rom. 10:17; Gal. 3:2, 5) and holiness (John 17:17) decline. Activity may continue but life and fruitfulness fade away. Therefore whatever opposes prayer opposes the whole work of ministry.
Under the drain of ministry, we must “withdraw to desolate places and pray (Luke 6:12). For Jesus and the apostles the work of prayer demanded significant amounts of solitude: “In the morning, while it was still dark, He departed and went out to a desolate place, and there He prayed” (Mark 1:35).

I know this to be so true in my life! I have never heard God more clearly, or walked more intimatly with Him than I have over the past 3 months. The reason for that is that life circumstances caused me to cling to Him with all my might as He was all I had at times that didn't seem hopeless or harmful. There were many weeks that I spent an hour or more in the morning in the Word in prayer and then again at night before I went to bed. It was in there precious times that He would speak and that He directed me to the place I am now which is in complete peace despite the fact that chaos abounds around me! Just a great reminder by Mr. Piper of where real life change happens and that no "good works" is substitution for being in intimate relationship with the Jesus!

I LOVE IT!

My friend Kami sent me this! Couldn't help but share it!

Powerful Woman's Motto:

Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders & says...
'Oh hell....she's awake!!'

God's sense of humor!

I know there is some argument out there about whether God actually "talks" to us. Well, I don't care what anyone says, God talks to me! Not in a big booming voice, but in the small voice in my head that sounds like my voice, but the more I get to know Him the more I recognize the voice and distinquish it from my own. I used to tell our youth group that we led (as 'hearing' God was one of their biggest questions) when John and I were dating, he would have to say "this is John" when I answered the phone, but now that we have been married for 10 years, he no longer has to tell me that.

I digress....as I was sending an e-mail to some one this morning about an issue in my life, I stated that I am praying for one way in particular because it would be easier for us to do. As soon as I hit send, I heard the voice say, "And where would the glory be for Me if you could do it?" Oh so true!!!

First Day of School

Here we have it...the first day pictures! They both did great today and had a wonderful day! I did good, too! ;) I only teared up once when Noah kissed me goodbye. I wouldn't have done that, but I wasn't sure if he would kiss me in front of his friends, but he did! I waited for him to kiss me, and then I thought that there will not be many more years where he will probably do that! So here are pictures of my first grader and third grader!

....and my preschooler that just knew he was going to his class today too! This is us headed back home...back pack still on! He starts Children's Day Out next week!

As I prayed for my kids today, I couldn't help but think of all the kids in this world that would give anything to go to school! We take so much for granted in this country, and our education system is one of them. It is not perfect, but it is free, it is available to ALL children! That is more than so many countries offer their children!

Only Four

I was at a prayer time at church this morning for schools and afterwards we put together goody boxes for teachers to take to schools. I asked one of the ladies I was working with how many children she has. She said, "Only four." I wanted to hug her! I usually get the "oh my goodness, you must have your hands full!" when I say I have four children. So to hear someone say, "only four" just made my day!

A Look Back

This is the last day of summer vacation for my oldest two. So while the house naps, I thought I would post about or summer! I have been so busy that I haven't been able to keep up with it all on my blog. Last summer, I was so disapointed when summer ended because I had not spent the time with my kids that I wanted to. This summer I am disapointed that summer is ending because I have made more time for them, and I am not ready to lose them 8 hours a day! It will make getting work done easier, but I love my children and already see them growing up tooooo fast!

We took lots of little trips this year, and that was a blast! We went to Dallas for John's mom's family reunion. We had a good time with cousins. My kids do not have any first cousins (only grandkids on both sides....can you say s-p-o-i-l-e-d?!), so they love getting together with extended family and having cousins to play with! We went to a petting zoo, played with bubbles (Ava's all time favorite summmer activity) and went swimming at a public pool (yes, we drove 5 hours to go swimming even though we have a pool in our backyard! ha!ha!).

Toben is not too sure about that burrow...or the goat about to eat his food!

Can you tell who my animal lovers are?? After this, Noah declared that he was going to save his money to buy land to build a barn so he could put all his animals in it. I asked where we would live, and he said, "Ok, I will save enough to buy a mansion too!" Sounds good to me!
Chicken Beware!!!

A new definition of "boy in a bubble!"

On our way home, we went to the Dallas Aquarium. If you ever get the chance, go! It was well worth the money! Well, maybe not ALL the money, but it was a great place and the children loved it! A great place to see lots of animals with out having to walk a long distance. The kids had a blast and so did John and I!

I did not have a telephoto lense on my camera and did not use the zoom to take this picture! This is a sloth hanging in a tree that you can walk right up to! My lens was literally inches away from his face! Is that cool, or what?! A man fed him while we were standing there.....they really do move sooooo slowly! It was neat!
These were the indian dancers in the Mayan section. We had front row seats to see them. Toben wasn't too sure about getting close enough for a picture!
Sitting with sharks swimming all around us in a glass tunnel, too cool! This was Noah's favorite part!

We also stopped by the Gallaria mall on the way home. Callie has been wanting to go to the American girl doll store for over a year. So we took a side trip just for her. It was soooo fun! I have decided that my all time favorite part of being a mom is getting to see dreams fulfilled for my children! I think I was as as much a little girl in a doll store as Callie was as I watched her look at all the dolls and accesories! I was on cloud nine as we walked through looking at everything. I don't think I can say the same for John who was coralling the boys and Ava! But he was a good sport! Sarah (Callie's American Girl Doll) got a spa treatment! She had her hair done with matching ribbons, was cleaned up and even had sparkles on her nails. It was neat how they really treated the dolls like real people! Callie loved it!

Callie decided she wanted to buy a bitty baby. She didn't have enough to buy the doll and the "starter kit", so she got an advance on her birthday money (her January birthday no less) and was able to buy them both! And of course we had to buy the matching shirts for Callie and Sarah (her American Girl doll) for the Kit Kitridge Movie opening later in the summer. When the movie came out, Sarah, Callie, my mom and I went to the movie for a girls night out! It was a great movie!

We went to El Paso to meet our friends, the Buntyns. It was a refreshing trip! I wish we had longer to stay with them! They were PERFECT hosts! It was weird to feel so comfortable in a home with people you have never met, but that is what being a Christ follower in the body of Christ is all about! We had that common connection, a passion for orphans and for Africa, and it was jut the most perfect time of visiting and encouragement for John and I! And Irene is a fabolous cook! She made HOME MADE cream puffs! I didn't even know you could make those home made! Let's just say there was no progress on weight loss that weekend.
We didn't think to take pictures until David had already left for work, but we had a great time with ALL of them! My kids felt right at home which meant it was really noisy! Sorry Buntyns!


While in El Paso we also checked on my grandmother's grave site. It was neat to show my kids where she and my granpa are buried as they never met her. She was my best friend growing up! She went on all our family vacations and was like the sister I never had! She was by far my favorite grandparent and we just shared a special bond! We also drove by the houses where my mom and dad lived while in El Paso before they met.

On July 4th, the kids were in the annual 4th of July parade. They decorated Granddad's jeep and threw candy out the jeep as they rode. They love this and it has become a tradition! Toben rode this year, but as soon as Noah (and Granddad) saw us, they started yelling, "Get Toben!". He wasn't quite understanding the throwing candy bit and was "chunking" candy at the children! So he only rode half the parade. Because of the fire ban, we were not able to watch fireworks on the 4th. But my parents took us to the local minor league baseball game where they had fireworks. Evidently they have fireworks in Liberia because Toben knew what they were and was not scared. When I went to Liberia later in July, I asked and they said they have them on Christmas.

We went to the Nueces River in July. It was a blast! John grew up going there, but this was my first time. His aunt and uncle take their camper and stay a month. We slept at a hotel, but stayed at the camp during the days. We decided this needs to be an annual trip! Our kids loved it as they got to swim, jump off a tall spot and scare me to death, and fish! Toben now thinks that all water has little fish in it! We see any water (like in a fountain at a resturant) and he starts yelling, "fishy! fishy!"

There were many more things, but this is turning into the marathon post, so those will have to wait for another day!

Whewh! No wonder I am tired! I need a vacation to rest from my summer! But it was the best I can ever remember!

A first and hopefully a last!

I had a first today! I went to divorce court! John and I have walked with some good friends through a rocky time. We are the only ones who have talked with both the husband and wife through this time. Their court date got unexpectedly moved up yesterday from mid Sept to 1:30 today. We found out last night. This morning, I could not get them off my mind during my morning walk and spent my whole walk just crying out for them and their children. I knew God was telling me that John and I both neded to go to show our support for both of them and prove that we are not taking sides even though this looks like it is over. But I had just about talked myself out of going and had pretty well told God my day was TOO full to add one more thing to it when "Love Them Like Jesus" by Casting Crowns came on. So I ran home and told JOhn that we had to go to court with them even if we just sat in the hall while they walked past us just to show that we love them!

Well, we didn't sit in the hall, we were in the courtroom. It is by far one of the worst things I have sat through in my whole life. To watch two people you love so much in so much pain themselves and then hear the words "The marriage of ______ and ____ is herby dissolved!" I wanted to stand up and scream, "NO IT ISN'T!" Maybe by the state of TX, but not by God! But in the interest of not being arrested, I just sat there with tears streaming down my face. John and I walked out of the court room and I headed to the bathroom to get a kleenex and because I thought I really might throw up!

Anyone who is even thinking about divorce should be required to go to a divorce hearing! They had settled all issues. They have both been very civil during the whole thing...truly amazingly civil, really. So there was no fighting or arguing or any contesting. It was just presented and done...just like that! Ten years of marriage and a family destroyed just like that. As I held my friend afterwords and both of us cried, I just told her I loved her and would do whatever I needed to walk with her. And John did the same with the husband...well, not the crying part, but the other! Two lives and the lives of their children forever changed by one man's statement...is herby dissolved! I still can't really get my mind around it! THen when we were in the elevator going downstairs and the husbahds laywer said, "This is a happy day, huh?!" I thought I was going to punch him! We all just stared at him like he was an alien!

No matter what happens in our marriages, there is a choice...fight or throw in the towel! I have always been committed to fight for my marriage, but after today, that committment is set in solid cement! I know there are times when one party wants to fight and one throws in the towel, and I pray I am never a part of that scenario, but I know that I will fight tooth and nail wheneve the enemy is determined to even slit the doort open to the possiblity to divorce in my marriage! God forbid I ever have to walk another friend through what I did today! I pray that was my first and last time to ever be in divorce court for any reason!

Number five?

This little girl holding the Bible in the picture with me is Sundayma. She is a gorgeous young lady, now. But the first time I saw her was April 2007. She was a beautiful little girl! Something about her made her stand out in my mind from all the other children! I was told she was the middle sister of a sibling group of three, but I was told a lot of the children were siblings that ended up not being related at all! By the time they have been in a children's home for three years, every one is brother and sister!



She was one of the ones that haunted me when I came back...not necesarily in a bad way, but definitly one that stuck in my mind! I made the comment to John that if she ever became available for adoption, we would have to consider her. Why do I say silly things like that?? You know from my previous posts my feelings/fears about older child adoptions. I LOVE babies! I want to bring my babies home as babies...not 11 year olds!



When I went to Liberia this trip, I took three Bibles and necklaces. There were three children that God had placed heavy on my heart to disciple. Sundayma was one of them. I will share the other two with you later. I gave her the Bible and asked if she could read. She said no, so I told her that she could find someone who could and let them read to her. I wrote in the front of the Bible that even though she was not my daughter in my home, that God had placed a special love for her in my heart, and she is a daughter of my heart. I went on to tell her how precious she is in His sight and that each time I returned, I wanted to visit with her about what she had learned from the Bible! She was very shy, but I finally got a grin out of her. When I went to Liberia in January to get Toben, she clung to me the whole trip! She kept begging me to take her to America with me. She wanted to be mine. I cried with her and told her that just because she was not going to America didn't make her any less wonderful! That is one thing I have always hated about having adoptable and non-adoptable children in the same home.

This is her in January 2008 when we went to get Toben

So this time, I wanted to make sure she knew she was extra special to me...even if I couldn't bring her to America. I gave her a necklace with a cross cut out of a circle with the words "live the word" inscripted on it. I told her that anytime she was scared or just needed some extra help that she could touch that necklace and the Holy Spirit would bring her to my mind and I would pray for her. That sounds kind of "new ageish", I know, but I felt like it would bring some comfort, and I trust that the Holy Spirit will bring her to mind when I need to pray for her!



While I was there this time, I found out that she is the younger sister of one of the young men who lived at a church compound and is sponsored in a way by one of our adoptive families (a very good friend of mine!). He was at the home one day with us and told us he was her brother.



Fast forward two weeks. I get an e-mail from him a couple of days ago telling me that he has spoken to their father, and he wants Sundayma to be adopted! What?! For real?! Oh my goodness!!!!! Now this immediatly brings me to a panic! First, I want a baby, not an 11 year old! Second, this would disrupt birth order knocking Callie out of oldest which I have always said I would never do! Third, what would I do with an 11 year old girl who can't read??? I can't home school and run the agency (I know some of you do that, but you are way better than me! I just am not organized or energetic enough to do that!). Fourth, what would I do with an 11 year old who thinks she wants to come to America, but longs for the country she leaves behind?! She has been in the children's home for over four years. Will she really know how to be a part of a family. I know she will learn...and really all of this is just my personal fears coming forward!



I told John she might be coming available for adoption. He says, "Well, I guess we will have to pray about it." WHAT???!!! He is supposed to say, "NO! We are done, I am not having any more children, and we can't afford it, and we can't handle it, and......" Then it is his fault that we are not following God! But he says we will have to pray about it!



So I did! This morning during my quiet time, I laid it all out before God! I finally told Him that I know my life is not my own! That is he desired for this precious girl to be in our family, then I am totally open to that. Do I have fears still? Yes! Do I wonder if I am a selfless enough parent to be mommy to an older adopted child from a totally different culture? Yes! I haven't shared all my story of Toben with you...I will, I promise! But bonding to adopted children does not come easy for me! And the older they are, the harder it is! Maybe it is just a huge fault of mine, but it is just hard for me! I get there eventually! But the beginning is hard. I can't imagine what it would be like with an older girl....hormones...oh my! Plus could Callie handle sharing her room? She has always been one that loves to be in her room alone and play for hours by herself! Could she handle not having that alone time all the time? Could she handle having a sister who gets to drive before her?



So many questions! Time will tell what God's will is! I just know that I have to be open to whatever it is...even if it means bringing home an 11 year old girl! He will make known His path for me....so I will wait and listen! Pray for us if we come to mind! She is not available yet, so we have some time, but I don't want to miss God's will! I have learned more than ever over the past two months that being in the center of God's will brings peace amongst even the roughest of storms....and being outside God's will brings storms among the most peaceful of times!

Did you know.....

Did you know that a salamander will lose it's tail and the tail will keep moving?? I didn't...that is until a tiny salamander walked in my front door and I grabbed its tail to throw it back out. Much to my surprise the salamander kept going and so did the tail in my hand! eeeeewwwwww!!!!

More fuel for my fire!

So we checked the papers and the Deputy Minister of Ministry of Health and Social Welfare had not written any articles about us this time as he did last time, but evidently he did go on the radio saying our organization had taken children out of the country illegally. This was AFTER I sat in his office with our country director and an adoptive father and he said that he has no jurisdiction over our cases as they were done before he came into office and he had no problems with these kids leaving! He is up to his old tricks. And it is not just with our organization. He has made horrible accusations against another group as well causing 41 children to not receive education and care because of his lies.

Are we going to stand by and let our government fund this kind of action from top officials? I don't plan to! I will be posting the information for contacting the Senators later this week...so keep checking back!

Why I do it...

Why do I stay up till 2 am sending e-mails? Why do I get up at 4 am to read a child's rights bill? Why do I get so fired up when I read an article like I did in my last post or the report in my posts before that? Here is why!

The children in the home where our kids stay in Liberia wrote a song for me and surprised me with it when I was there! I will try to figure out how to get the video of them singing it on here, but for now, these are the words!

Mother HollyAnn she gave us freedom

She gave us equal opportunity

She put us in her arms

She shows us love that no one knows

The Mother of Greater Love

May her name continue on

May her love continue on

Her name is HollyAnn

the Mother of Greater Love

I have children counting on me....that is why I do it!

Oh no they are not!!

John found this article while I was in Liberia, but forgot about it until today. You can read it here. It is an article about a US bill being presented to the US Congress that would give the Liberian government $180 million for the fiscal 2009. This is just the first year of a five year plan. The article also says that since 2004, the US has sent $1 billion in aid to Liberia!

Folks, this is our tax dollars going to the government that refuses to follow its own laws! I am all for the US helping Liberia! BUT if it goes to the people in government that I have been dealing with it will only go to build them nicer homes and fund the education fo their children living over here in America! It will nto help one single orphan in Nimba county that will go to bed tonight hungry and lying in vomit because they are sick with malaria and have no medical attention!

Do you want your tax dollars going there? I don't! I would challenge you to write the congressman sponsoring this bill and ask them how they expect this money to improve Liberia when the current government is still corrupt and refuses to follow their own laws! As US citizens we have the right and RESPONSIBILITY to ask these types of questions!

Please, don't sit idly by! Be the good Samaritan and at least write a letter or make a phone call to help the children who really need this money! Ask the congressmen about their bill! Lets be educated on this issue!

I will get the contact information of the sponsoring congressmen and post that when I get it!

Fighting for them all.......

Can't get it off my mind....

So I have not had anything consume me like this in seven years! That would be when I stayed up all night researching adoption because God consumed me with adoption...that lasted for three months, then entered Noah! I have that same feeling right now for the suffering children in Liberia! I want to spend all my time researching the efforts going on in Liberia to see if there is anything we can use to fight this war with the government officials and their indifference to the children.

I still haven't really found anything on anyone "fighting" for the children. There are many organizations putting in a school here or sending money there. But to really find someone fighting, I don't see it! In my mind this is an epidemic much like that in Sudan! I know many would think I am exagerating, but am I? A whole people group that represents the majority of the country is being purposely surpressed and it is widely known by the general public! That is what amazed me! I talked to people that had NO IDEA what I was looking into or thinking and they repeated the same thing time and again! People in power that are from Monrovia do not want the people from the interior to prosper!

Ok, I am getting on my soap box again! So let me just let you read for yourself! This is an excerpt from the UNMIL (United Nations Missions in Liberia) report from May - October 2007 (less than one year ago!). The whole report can be found here. So read for yourself and let me know what you think about the governments work to protect and provide the basic human rights to the children of Liberia!


Human Rights Monitoring
Children’s Rights

6. Contrary to Section 18(7) of the Liberian Penal Law prohibiting the exposure of
children under the age of 16 years to obscene material, HROs found young
children watching pornographic films at DVD-clubs in Lofa County. Through a
letter addressed to the Superintendent of the County on 10 October, the Protection
Core Group in the County brought these concerns to his attention for action.
Right to education

7. The right to education and accessibility to free and compulsory primary education
are recognised under the Convention on the Rights of the Child (CRC).
Additionally, universal primary education has been identified by UN Member
States, as one of the Millennium Development Goals (MDGs). In keeping with
these undertakings, the government of Liberia has adopted the policy of free
primary education. However, the right can only become a reality and available to
all when government establishes schools and adequately funds and equips them.
Additionally, campaigns to raise the awareness of parents and communities about
the importance of educating their children need to be carried out.

8. The school in Diahn Town, Grand Gedeh County, was reportedly closed down in
March due to the very poor condition of the school building. According to a local
human rights organisation, efforts to rebuild the school failed because community
members preferred to send their children to work on their farms rather than attend
school. In May, during a visit to the public school in Hundonin, Lofa County,
HROs observed that three of the four teachers were seriously inebriated and
students also complained that they were subjected to manual labour on farms. On
27 August, the Principal of Bahn High School, Nimba County in an interview with
Radio Nimba publicly warned his teaching staff against using students to work on
their farms as a form of punishment and in violation of school guidelines.
9. In other Counties there have been high rates of school enrolment as a result of the
free education policy but there has not been a corresponding increment in the
number of well equipped schools or recruitment of qualified teachers. Visits to
Butaw District Junior High School in Sinoe County, Paynesville Community
School in Montserrado County and the only public school in a Garbaryoun Clan,
Neiporlorkollie Town, Fuamah District, Bong County revealed that classes were
overcrowded and there was no furniture in the classrooms. There were not enough
qualified teachers to serve the student population and in the case of the school in
Bong County, it lacked toilets and recreational facilities and there was also no safe
drinking water or electricity. On 29 and 30 October, students from public schools
in Konia, Zorzor district, Lofa County, demonstrated in protest of the absence of
teachers from classes for 2 weeks. The teachers, who were reportedly on strike
because they had not received their salaries for the past 2 months, are said to be
volunteers who were trained by the International Rescue Committee (IRC).
Violence against children

10. Reports of physical violence directed against children by family members were
recorded in several counties. This frequently took place in the context of
disciplining the child. In October, a 17 year old girl found at West Point police
station, Montserrado County had her hands tied by her father as a disciplinary
measure. In another case, a 10 year old boy found at Elwa Police Depot stated that
he had left home in search of his father because his aunt with whom he lived in
Bushrod Island constantly beat him. Similar cases of young children running away
from their homes as a result of ill treatment at the hands of their parents or
relatives were reported in Margibi and Grand Gedeh Counties. On 25 July, the
Maryland County Child Protection Network (CPN) visited the home of a 13 year
old girl who was being abused by her mother. The mother believed that the girl
was a witch in her previous life, accused her of stealing food and money, and
frequently beat her. In mid-July the girl was treated at Cavalla Clinic after her
mother accused her of stealing money and put pepper all over her body.

11. In other cases, such violence involved neglect of families meeting their children’s
physical and emotional needs. In Grand Bassa County, the Gender Officer had to
care for a 14 month old abandoned child whose parents could not agree on
custody arrangements. In May, a man was arrested by the LNP in Montserrado
County while selling his nine-year old son for L$3,000 (USD$502) allegedly to
buy food. The boy was placed into the custody of the Women and Children
Protection Section of the LNP. This was the third such case recorded this year.

12. HRPS is concerned that inadequate social structures and counselling facilities to
support families in distress may contribute to a growing social problem of family
violence. Additionally, most Counties do not have suitable facilities to care for
neglected or abused children. Indeed in several cases, authorities failed to properly
address reports of serious abuse. For instance, an 11-year old boy from Ganta,
Nimba County, was allegedly burnt with acid by his uncle on 24 July. Although,
the LNP County Commander had expressed intention to order the arrest of the
boy’s uncle, the LNP WCPS in Ganta stated that there were no grounds to arrest
the man. [Emphasis is mine! Can you believe this?! Intent to arrest??? No grounds???] In Maryland County, a woman who allegedly pushed her 14 year old
niece into a pot of hot water on 10 September was charged with aggravated assault
and released on bail by the Associate Magistrate on 11 September. The case was
transferred to the Circuit Court.

Human Rights and Orphanages
13. Due to the delay in the closure of the orphanages that failed to meet the Ministry
of Health and Social Welfare (MoHSW) Minimum Standards for Operating Child
Welfare Institutions, some unaccredited orphanages continued operating, putting
the children who live there at risk of neglect or exploitation. Two orphanages in
Nimba County, Francis Memorial and Mother Jacob Prayer Band Christian
Foundation were still operating in June even though both of them were not
accredited by the MoHSW. There is inadequate food for the children and living
conditions are very poor and possibly dangerous to the health and long-term
development of the children. Both establishments are run as a profit-making
venture. UNECO (UNIMIL, ECOMOG Children’s Organisation) Children’s
Home and Orphanage in Gardnersville, Montserrado County which is home to 62
children is also not accredited by the MoHSW. According to the owner, an official
from the MoHSW allegedly solicited L$3,000 (US$50) to accredit it. The amount
was paid but accreditation was never granted.
14. The Minimum Standards developed by the MoSHW to regulate all child care and
protection services in orphanages and other child welfare institutions are based on
the guiding principles of the CRC and provide that ‘all child welfare institutions
must be in safe and secure environment, must maintain clean and sanitary
environment, and must promote high hygiene standards for the growth and
development of the children.’ All orphanages in the country are required to
comply with these standards and non-compliance shall result in the immediate
revocation of accreditation and closure of the institution. HRPS monitors however
reported several instances where the minimum standards were not adhered to.
On 10 October and 17 October, HROs visited J. Roland Payne Center of Hope
orphanage and Rainbow Town orphanage in Bong County respectively. The
two orphanages were established 1994 and have both been accredited by the
MoHSW. Rainbow Town orphanage has 82 children which is beyond the
maximum recommended (50 children) by the Minimum Standards. Roland
Payne Center of Hope orphanage lacks electricity and adequate recreational
facilities. However, generally, it was observed that the environment in both
orphanages was clean and that the children are clean and healthy.
House of Hope orphanage in Ganta, Nimba County is an accredited orphanage
but it does not meet the minimum standards recommended by the MoHSW for
operating child welfare institutions. There are over 78 children in the
orphanage which lacks proper living conditions and health standards. HROs
approached the Bangladesh Battalion for support in provision of medical
services to the Orphanage. My Brother’s Keeper Orphanage in Careysburg,
Montserrado County is also accredited by the MOHSW, however it does not
have a health care facility and the conditions under which the children are kept
are unhygienic. There are 43 children (22 girls and 21 boys) in the orphanage,
some of whom have one surviving parent while others are mentally
challenged.

I would love to know your thoughts after reading that! Anyone ready to fight this battle with me?!

RLC: Check this out!

http://www.redletterscampaign.com/blog/2008/08/rlc-colorado-tour-inspired-by-passion-africa/

Whose fighting for the children?

I talked to my friend who is a lobbyist (very successful lobbyist!) for the persecuted church in Darfur and China. I asked her advice on starting a human rights campaign for the children of Liberia. Her suggestion for a first step was to Google human rights in Liberia and see what comes up. Well, so far, there is no one fighting for the children! I am shocked! The most helpless population of a country that has a grim future, and there is no organization fighting specifically for them....well, that is about to change!

There are many groups fighting for women, and this is needed also! But as far as children, there is nothing out there that I have found so far. There are a few organizations that touch on child soldier issues, but as we get further from the war time, those are not going to be children either, but adults as well.

I am shocked by what I read. I guess I never realized how grim Liberia is! I have only been in Sierra Leone and Liberia in Africa, and they are pretty much the same to me. I guess I thought all of Africa was like that...I really thought Liberia was pretty progressive for Africa. But their reports I read say the exact opposite! They paint a very bleak future for this country. Children are on the streets. No one is educated. There is not enough funding or man power to even touch the human rights issues among adults much less the thousands maybe millions of children starving on the streets of this country!

I don't know what the plan of action is, but I know God has told me I can't look the other way! Some one must fight for the children! I don't really know what that means at this point, but I am about to find out because God has asked me to fight, and I have agreed to walk in faith and obedience! So here we go!

Whewh!

Wow! The past two weeks have been a whirlwind, and I am still spinning! I am home, but my brain is still in flight, I think. I am exhausted after coming home from Liberia and then turning right around to go to Colorado for the benefit dinner for the orphanage project.

Both trips were amazing! God is showing up in ways I never dreamed! He truly is so faithful. I am learning how much easier life is when I don't stress, but trust and obey and leave the rest up to God! Not that I have that down to a science! It was much easier when I was in Liberia and was focused on only one thing. It is much harder now that I am home with a marriage to maintain, a house to clean, meals to cook and four children who have not seen their mommy in almost two weeks!

You know quite a bit about the Liberia trip. The ending was full of drama yet again! I will give details at a later date!

But I do want to share that the benefit dinner was HUGE success! They raised over $9,000 in one evening! We are still just in awe of how blessed we were that night! On top of that, Tom Davis spoke! He really charged the attendees to pay atention! He reminded them that now that they knew of the situation in Liberia, they can not just walk away! They have an obligation to act just like the Good Smaritan! I loved that analogy! I spoke with Tom quite a bit. We are two of a kind! We are both pretty outspoken...I know that is shocking news about me! hee!hee! I told him that God stirred something in me when I read about Swaziland in Red Letters! I told him when he went back to Swaziland I wanted to go with him and meet with officials and see what they thought about the possibility of adoption and us working in that country. It is in desperate need of help! Adoption is not the only answer, obviously! But it can help a few and the resources made from adoption can help many! What I am finding about adoption is that it is not my calling in and of itself. It is just the avenue God has called me to work in to make people aware of the suffering of the people in the countries where we work! Only a couple of our families have gone to Liberia and returned with their children making that the end of the road. Most of our families have come home and found a way to better lives in Liberia. One family drilled a well, several families have sponsored older boys so they can go to college, several send clothes, music and other gifts to boys they met while traveling to pick up their children. They are pouring back into the country that is the home land of their children! I love that! Adoption introduced them, but their desire to help the "least of these" keep them involved! That is what i want for Swaziland!

I could go on and on! Russ, Sam and Jamie from Red Letters Campaign were also there! What a neat group! Russ and I talked at length about how to motivate the body of Christ to overcome this orphanage issue. They just have such a heart to motivate people period! I am so excited to see how God uses these men and their wives to connect the body of Christ so that arms can find legs and eyes can find ears! Then the "body" will be functioning as a whole! Wow! What a day of rejoicing that will be! :)

I am exhausted and have to get up at 4 am to look over adoption laws and weigh in with my take on the bill! So I better hit the hay! I just wanted to get something on here so you would know I did make it home and am still alive and kicking! :O)

Good night!

On the plane!

They are on the plane and on the way home! I just talked to HollyAnn and 9 little African Liberians are on their way to America to their forever Christian homes!

Keep them in your prayers--it's a long journey home!!!! Several of them, including HollyAnn are supossed to fly through Houston tomorrow. We'll be tracking the tropical storm hoping that does not delay her return.

JP

They are on their way!

I just talked to HollyAnn. They are checked in, through immigration &customs, and are waiting to board the plane! Yahoo!!!!

I'll post a follow-up once they are on the plane--for some reason it is delayed. She said all of the passengers (not just us), are all waiting to board.

Thanks for all of your prayers--keep them coming!

JP

Still here!

Well, we didn't leave last night! But by faith we are leaving tonight! We are still waiting on a letter, but we are believing we will have it tonight! God has showed so many ways why we had to stay over one day that has NOTHING to do with a letter! He is so faithful! John reminded me this morning that very few people get to see the visible hand of God work in front of their faces and that it is a blessing to do so, and I have to agree! In the middle of it, it doesn't see like a blessing, but truly it is!

I also can't explain how awesome it is to see the BODY of Christ work! The families that are with me have all played a vital role in all that has occured this week! What a blessing to work with such people!

So keep praying! Our Country Director has just left, after being prayed over, to meet with officials! We have MANY people working in our favor right now! So he is headed to town to meet with them. Our specific prayer is that we get the letter by noon here (7am central time there) as we need to leave for the airport by 3.

May god only receive the glory for the work we are doing here! There will be more to come! If you are a part of Red Letters Campaign, and you need a place to "Bleed", we have it here! We have people we can support that are going to school and need a place to live, we have children in homes who need schooling.....the need is overwhelming! E-mail me for a list of needs (there are many that are NOT adoption related) and I will see that your funds get where you want them to go!

Hopefully you will see a post in a little bit that says we are headed to the airport!

A Government that Keeps the Children Poor!

It has become abundantly clear that there are government officials in high power in Liberia that do not want Liberian children to thrive. They do not want to see children educated, well at least not certain children! And for many children, they don't even want to see them fed evidently! One of the largest road blocks in adoptions right now is the Ministry of Health and Social Welfare. They change their minds every time they get a whim in order to slow the adoption process down. Yet the Deputy Minister from this ministery that put a hold on our kids' visas in January had to leave Liberia a month ago to go to his son's graduation in AMERICA!!! Yep, you read right. His wife and children are in America. It is ok for them to come to America, but not children from the interior of Liberia.

As I have walked around the city this trip, I have visited with many people just on the street. I love the people of this country...the common folk, that is! They always asks what brings me to Liberia and I tell them. They usually starts a discussion about adoption and government. I never hesitate to share the issues we are having with the government! On many occasions this week, the response has been, "we have people in our government that do not want us to be educated...they want to be the only ones with those priviledges...to send their kids to America and come back and take their place, but no one else should be able to do that." The other sentiment I have heard over and over is that everyone in Liberian government thinks they have the same power as the President. And that is what I am seeing. Every Minister in the different Ministeries thinks he/she has the power to usurp authority over any situation he/she sees fit and no one stops them from doing it! It is truly amazing!

I met with two people in the BIN (Bureau of Immigration and Naturalization) who were absolutely horrific to me! Rude does not even begin to describe it! I can't imagine why a government official talking to a law abiding NGO worker would be so rude! Why would a government official treat anyone who is trying to help his country like that? I just want to say, "Do you see the office you are in?! It isn't exactly nice!!! And your whole country is this way!!!! I wouldn't turn down assistance if I were you!"

So as I thought about all that I have hear and seen...I thought of the little children at the grass hut village where I bought my shrimp trap (which by the way, our Liberian social workers have teased me endlessly for carrying back....they keep asking me if I have water where I live to catch fish! They can't imagine carrying something like that with no use to me back in my suitcase!). I know many of you reading this have children from Liberia or are considering adopting from Liberia. So I have this to ask you.....if a government intentionally blocks adoption when their children are starving on the streets, does this become a human rights issue? Not the blocking of adoptions, but the inability to care for the children and not accepting help from families who are? When the allegations of child trafficking and adoption are made, not one example can be given of a case against any individual or agency that has trafficked children by the legal definition! Yet they impose these new regulations each week to slow the process!

I sat in a congressional hearing today at the Liberian capital and heard debate over a proposed bill for children. It was a crazy bill as none of what they proposed can their government enforce...such as mandatory education. Well before you say a child HAS to go to school, you have to have a school for them to go to! Liberia has NO government schools....no free schools! Save the Children was there, UNICEF was there.....all of them have been there for years yet by UNICEFS own report, there has been no change in the stats of Liberian children for as long as 16 years! Give me a break! I felt like I was sitting in a pit of evil! All these people in their finery talking about the starving children.....one of the congressmen helping us says that UNICEF takes 90% of donations for administrative costs! While my little organization doesn't even have an ofice in the US except the desk in my sunroom! Yet, I am the one they want to run out! It is just not fair! We need to pray for the people in Liberia that are truly fighting for their children and it is NOT Save the Children or Unicef! If that is all they can do, then they should accept help from ANY organization, including adoption service providers, who are agreeing to help in any way because they are sorely missing the mark!

So leave your comments....is this a human rights issue? They are stopping children from having the basic human rights of food and shelter! I believe it is! And if it is, then do we need to call attention to this to the US government who sends millions (maybe even billions) of dollars over there every year? What are they doing with it? They sure aren't making it better for their children!!!!!

Let me know your thoughts.......

Don't Stop!

It is 8:15 pm here...still no letter. God has given us favor with a wonderful man (I called him my angel!) in one department who is hand walking everything through for us. We called him late this evening and he had made contact with the last person who has to ok the letter. That person is supposed to meet him at the office in the morning. I am still not sure what will happen, but I am trusting God and believing it will occur! The families are breing great about it! I have wonderful families who will be leaving with me on Sunday...they are so calm...or they are faking it well! :) Seriously, they are two wonderful Godly families who have just trusted God this whole trip.

I haven't gotten to go to the children's home yet, so I am anxious to do that! I pray I get to do that tomorrow! My prayer is that the letter arrives in the morning first thing then we can spend the afternoon at the home playing with my motivation to keep fighting.....the children who are not adoptable and have to stay in this country! We must fight to make a better world for them!

More about that later! ;)

So please keep praying! I am trusting, but there is still enough flesh in me that I am nervous, too! I am at peace, but still have moments of anxiety that rise up in me! I appreciate all you prayer warriors. That is what is sustaining me!

If any one is checking.....

it is 2:00 here and still no letter. Now they want copies of all documents. So we are frantically making copies, hard to do in Liberia with SLOW copiers! Then we will take it and pray we get a letter by 5:00. So if you are checking this, keep praying!!!!

A HUGE praise!!! We have ALL VISAS FOR ALL THE CHILDREN! Thank you, God!! And to think that is what we used to worry about......

Prayer please!

Ok, this government is like working with toddlers! They change their minds on a whim and then you are just supposed to "know" what to do! I had two pretty heated meetings yesterday with officials in immigration. They are saying we have to have letters of clearance from all cases. I asked how we were supposed to know that since no one notified the lawyers or us. They said it was just our job to know....really?! I asked them to show me in the law where it is required, and she said, that was not her job.....really?!

So please pray that we have clearance letter for all our children and families to leave! We need those letters by close of business today as our plane leaves Sunday night. We have two congressmen as well as a couple of other people with connections working in our favor.....but most importanly we have God Almighty!

So last night, I got on my face and this is what happened:
I asked God, "How do I continue this program with constant changes? How do I help the children on Marchall road when I can't process adoptions? How do I send families over here to get children when we never know if they will be allowed on a plane or not?" and God responded with Psalm 18:39 (I had marked Psalm 18 and 27 as my verses for this trip about three months ago, I just felt God was telling me these were the places I should go in distress) "For I have girded you with strength for battle"

Me - but I am sooooo weary!

God - In Your weakness I am strong!

Me - So be strong tomorrow and get our letter, please!!!

God - Psalm 28:3 Though a host encamp against me, my heart will not fear; though war rise against me, in spite of this I shall be confident.
Psalm 28:14 Wait for the Lord; be string and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the Lord.
Psalm 141:10 Let the wicked fall into their own nets, while I pass by safely.....

....which is exactly what I plan to do on Sunday and walk right by immigration check points and get on a plane with all the children going home! For if God is for me, who can be against me?!

So pray for that with me, please! My armor is on and I am ready for battle!

Which is good because there is a House hearing today on a proposed bill that includes adoption law. Please pray that if I am able to speak at the hearing, God gives me the words to say! I am still amazed at how a little ol housewife from West Texas has ended up meeting with Liberian congressman, speaking at a House hearing and helping write adoptions laws! That folks, just has to be God because I am just so ordinary!

Thanks for all your prayers! I really do feel them! They sustained me the last two days as I had not gone to bed before 2 am since arriving as I had so much work to do. But last night, I didn't work and just took care of myself! I feel rejuvinated this morning and am ready for my day!

Love to you all from a country in desperate need of intervention!