Dear Church, Families Need You

After 14 years of knowing I had a call on my life for adoption, my calling and my church are finally meeting! Crazy, but true! I am super excited to be teaming with other adoptive families in my church to provide support for families in all stages of fostering and adoption!

But as we talk to families, I am aware more and more of the need for the Church (with a Big "C") to educate herself! The stories of families are just heart breaking.  John and I experienced first hand the inability of the Church to deal with the mess that often comes with loving the least of these that He calls us to bring into our home.  When our teenage daughter who had lived with us less than a year became pregnant, the immediate reaction of the church was to kick her out of the youth group.  Church had been my resting place in a time when my home was a battle ground.  And now, my church was a battle ground as well as I fought to have my daughter stay where she would be spiritually fed and not experience the feeling of being an outcast yet again in her life.  Another family shared a story of their small group not wanting them to bring their kids back because they told each other to "shut up", and they didn't want that around the other kids in the small group.  How many of you loving kids from hard places know that some days we are so thankful that "shut up" is all our kids are saying to each other! Can I get an "amen?!" Then there is the single mom who was told that her Autistic son was too much of a "liability" for them to allow in the children's ministry.  So you have a woman who has stepped out in faith to walk in obedience ALONE only to have the Church isolate her even more!

I truly believe that none of the leaders in these churches desired to hurt or wound or cripple families loving on children.  However, whether that was the desire or not, that was the outcome! Church, foster and adoptive families need you! They have stepped out in obedience, they have climbed out of the boat onto the water and are about to experience a storm with waves like they have never known before!  And many are doing this in response to sermons preached by pastors on Orphan Sunday! But they need more than a sermon telling them to do it; they need the Body of Christ wrapping around them not shoving them under the water!

What is the answer? I believe it is in education!  I believe church leaders need to understand the needs of these families and educate themselves and the staff or volunteers working with these children about the special needs of a child with a history of abuse and trauma.  There are amazing resources out now.  Get on YouTube and watch anything with Dr. Karyn Purvis.  Read Adopted for Life by Dr. Moore.  Read Wounded Children Healing Homes by Schooler, Smalley and Callahan.  These will give you a feel for what the families you are charged by God with shepherding are experiencing in their day to day life of loving these children and trying desperately to show them the love of Christ!

And to those churches who are already doing this, THANK YOU! I know there are many who are building adoption ministries from the ground up and are ensuring the education and training are in place with staff and volunteers before preaching the sermon encouraging families to answer the call to bring God's children home! Keep up the good work!

Lastly, to families who were wounded by the Church because she didn't know how to respond to your needs or your children as you walk this crazy path of fostering/adopting, on behalf of the Church let me say, I am truly sorry! I know the wounds can run deep and the hurt can be unbearable.  Please allow God to apply His healing balm to your heart and find a Body of believers to connect with who will walk with you!  God never intended for us to do this alone! It is a heavy and exhausting work that you have taken on, and you need others to hold up your arms from time to time.  Orphan care ministries are popping up all over our great country as more and more people answer the call to adopt and understand the needs that go with that.  Try to find one....and if you can't, start one! Just maybe you are the answer your Body of believers needs in this area.....