Can anyone out there relate to weariness? I know weary in this season like I have never known weary before. I thought I knew weary, but this is weary at a whole new level! John and I were talking the other day. I know the joy of the Lord is my strength. I know we are supposed to have abundant life, and I don't believe that life is one that finds us grumbling all the time and ....weary. Yet, that is exactly where I find myself most days.
I am doing all I know to do. I am in the Word daily, praying almost hourly, crying out to God - often even out loud - through out the day as I have feelings of being overwhelmed and feel like the water is most definitely going over my head. So then the voices start accusing me of not having joy on top of all the other accusations that they have hurled at me throughout the day!
I shared with John that right now life feels like I get up, fail at being a good mother, fail at being a good wife, leave work with a bigger to-do list than I started with despite working my tail off all day, fail at health, fail at our finances....you get the picture. Then I go to bed defeated, wake up - sometimes with a fresh outlook sometimes with just enough strength to get out of bed - and do it all over again. There are moments of joy when a baby laughs and it makes me smile, or Journey has a new word he uses in the wrong context, or I see one of the older ones nurturing a relationship with a younger sibling, or John schedules me a massage....there are moments of joy, but overall, life is just extremely weary.
So as I look at school starting and entering the fall season where our schedule becomes double and triple booked most evenings, I almost faint with fear. I have been trying to gear up. Yet, it seems God's presence has been just beyond reach the past week. So today, I just sat down and cried out for a fresh Word from Him. I just sat in my chair with my coffee...just got still before Him and asked Him to speak.
I opened my Bible, and there was a book mark that took me to Judges. And plain as day I heard in my head "Judges 6". So I turn there and start reading. God promises when we seek Him we will find Him! And today I can testify that is true!
As I began to read Judges 6, I realized it is a very familiar story. One I had actually read not that long ago after hearing a teaching on Gideon and wanting to do more study on the back story. There is a part of Gideon's story that I can so relate with! In Judges 6:13, Gideon asks the angel of the Lord, "if the Lord is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all his wonders that our fathers told us about when they said, 'Did not the Lord bring us up out of Egypt?' But now the Lord has abandoned us and put us into the hand of Midian." I have rants like that to God, John and sometimes poor intimate friends who catch me on a bad day! But God, where are the finances to provide for these children you asked me to care for? But God, if you are with us, why am I having to fight so hard to keep placing waiting children in homes? But God where is the money to pay for the adoption of these two babies? But God, where is the time to love and parent 8 children and run a ministry and fight for children? Where are all the promises you have given to me when we walked by faith?
Let me stop there and just say....every huge faith step that John and I have taken in the past almost 17 years have failed. Yes, failed. At least that is how it appears when looking at outcomes. If it didn't completely fail, then the outcome looked nothing like what we had thought it would when we stepped off that mountain into a free-fall of trust and faith into it! I can remember a few years ago when we were once again looking into the face of a huge faith journey. I just sat and cried asking God why all my "stones of remembrance" were ones of Him failing me? But as the years have passed, and as I have gotten to know my God more intimately, I no longer look back at those stones of remembrance the same way. It's true Eden and Addy didn't come home. It's true adoptions in Liberia did not open back up. It's true I am not currently in a relationship with the daughter God gave me a mother's heart for. It's true the contract that I worked three years to complete is in jeopardy after only placing 5 waiting children in forever homes. But with mature eyes, I can see that in each and every one of those circumstances, I grew closer to God. He taught me a little each time about faith and trust. He showed me a new dimension of Himself in each journey we took. And really, I think that was His goal when He asked us to take the step of faith...not the outcome we sought!
So today as I sat and reflected on my weariness and all of the promises God has given over the past couple of years that seem to be empty, I cried out for a new Word of encouragement from the One I have grown to trust and love...and truly believe is good no matter what the circumstances of my life might say.
And just like Him, in His very personal, loving and intimate nature, He answered. After Gideon's rant about "where are you", God answers him with a sentence I know I have read multiple times but never saw before this morning. The Holy Spirit highlighted it as I read this morning. It says, "Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian's hand. Am I not sending you?" In the strength you have - soothing balm to my weary soul! God knows I am tired. God knows I end each day with just enough energy - physically, emotionally and often spiritually - to climb in bed and lay down my head. And this morning He let me know, that's enough! Whatever you have, do what I have asked with what you have....it will be enough!
What are you facing today that seems overwhelming? Are you weary or defeated? Can I encourage you to face today with what you have? Do it tired. Do it afraid. Do it broke. Do it depressed. Whatever God is asking you to do this morning, do it with what you have, and at the end of the day, it will be enough if You are trusting in Him!
Showing posts with label direction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label direction. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Thursday, August 1, 2013
The Move: A Few More Pieces
It's fun to now be able to take you guys on this journey with me! Moving has so many details that need to align just right in order for it to work out! This week God has shown again that He will meet our every need and faithfully provide the next step when it's time to take it.
The offer on our house in Ft. Worth was accepted and all parties have signed. We had received a contingency offer on our house in Midland. Midland has a crazy housing market right now...like houses sell in days, not weeks, and often for more than they were asking. We have a severe housing shortage. So many times, contingency offers are not accepted. We have always had to make contingency offers, but in a market like this, people usually want offers that are ready to move on it. So when we got the contingency offer, we were not sure what to do. We didn't mind taking it at all...the price offered was great, but the timing of having a contingency would mean we wouldn't be there in time for school to start for the kids. We had already asked if we can rent the house for whatever time needed to be there from the time school starts until we close...still waiting to get our "Yes!" on that one. So there was already sort of a plan in place for a little later closing. Our Realtor was not crazy about a contingency because she knows the market and felt we could get a non-contingent offer. John and I both went to prayer. The thing about walking through this move is that we have not made any decision until God spoke! We had clear direction before we did anything on this journey. So when it came to accepting or declining the offer, we really couldn't settle for gut feelings, the advice of others, or what the market says, we wanted to hear God's voice! Two days we prayed, listened, asked....I even sat for an extended time one of those mornings just sitting....waiting....listening so God could answer. Nothing. But not only was there not an answer, there was no anxiety! Can I get a hallelujah a "I might have actually matured a little in the "trust Me" category" - hallelujah?! On the morning of the day our Realtor had told the family with the offer on our house we would give them an answer, God answered. Right on time. Never early, never late, right on His time! During my quiet time when I was simply praying..not necessarily about the house, just having my morning coffee with God, I heard, "move forward". One of the frustrations with having to show the house has been not being able to pack because there is nowhere to put boxes if we are going to keep things neat and tidy! Accepting the offer means our house will show very little if at all, and we can start packing boxes! It means the buyers will move forward as if their house will sell getting things done such as appraisals, inspections, etc that can hold up a closing. It would all be moving forward if we accepted the contingency. I didn't share any of this with John. We had zero showings that day. You know, you kind of have to show the house to sell the house! On his way home from work right before we were to meet our Realtor to discuss options, John was feeling a bit anxious about not having any showings. Then God stepped in and showed Him the answer too! "Why do you need showings? Your house is sold." Once again God was so faithful to tell us both separately what the next step is! But He wasn't just telling us...we sat down to meet with our Realtor. She had told us the day before that taking the contingency in this market really was not advisable. But one of the things we love about our Realtor - who is also a dear friend - is that she is a Godly woman! We sat down to talk and she shares that in her time that morning, she had thought, "Taking this offer makes no sense, but this is the Petrees and nothing they do makes sense!" Ha! I love it! And it's so true! She went on to say that she felt maybe this family was supposed to get our house...we have been praying that our house would be a blessing to whomever was to buy it. So she just confirmed what God had already spoken to both John and I, so we accepted the offer! Now we are waiting to hear of the sell of their house! That did bring a bit of anxiety to me when I thought of that right after God said to accept the offer. God responded to that anxiety with a statement something like this, "Have you really not learned that I can take care of things like that by now?!" To which I responded, "Yes, Sir!"
But the pieces don't stop there! I may just have to stand on my rooftop literally and shout how faithful and good my God is before this is all done! The Word God gave me back in April 2012 about the new job said that it would allow John to be the husband and father he needed to be instead of making him choose and competing for those roles. When they offered John the job, one of the things that we loved immediately were the hours. He will get home an hour earlier than he does now! Scheduling the drop off and pick up of kids from school while working around babies I don't want to wake and naps, etc has been one of my biggest struggles! The time right after school when everyone is home, needing help with homework and I am trying to get dinner on the table is extremely stressful! Well, no more! We got on-line to look at the kids' schools! Their schedules fit perfectly with John's! The elementary starts at 7:45 and releases at 2:45. So I can drop them off while leaving the babies asleep because the big kids will still be home...they don't start school until 9:20! By then babies will be awake, and it will be no big deal to get them in the car to take the big kids! I will pick up the elementary kids and have their home work done before the big kids come home! And John will get off just in time to get to the middle school to pick up the big kids, so I only have to get out once in the afternoon! Anyone who says God isn't into the details hasn't lived a life with 8 kids! He cares about it all!
There are still some things to be worked out, like renting the house to be there when school starts, all the inspections, etc that have to be done on both houses, the sell of our buyer's house, etc, etc. But God has it! I'm not anxious....just waiting with great anticipation to see how He answers each one of these! Because He will!
The offer on our house in Ft. Worth was accepted and all parties have signed. We had received a contingency offer on our house in Midland. Midland has a crazy housing market right now...like houses sell in days, not weeks, and often for more than they were asking. We have a severe housing shortage. So many times, contingency offers are not accepted. We have always had to make contingency offers, but in a market like this, people usually want offers that are ready to move on it. So when we got the contingency offer, we were not sure what to do. We didn't mind taking it at all...the price offered was great, but the timing of having a contingency would mean we wouldn't be there in time for school to start for the kids. We had already asked if we can rent the house for whatever time needed to be there from the time school starts until we close...still waiting to get our "Yes!" on that one. So there was already sort of a plan in place for a little later closing. Our Realtor was not crazy about a contingency because she knows the market and felt we could get a non-contingent offer. John and I both went to prayer. The thing about walking through this move is that we have not made any decision until God spoke! We had clear direction before we did anything on this journey. So when it came to accepting or declining the offer, we really couldn't settle for gut feelings, the advice of others, or what the market says, we wanted to hear God's voice! Two days we prayed, listened, asked....I even sat for an extended time one of those mornings just sitting....waiting....listening so God could answer. Nothing. But not only was there not an answer, there was no anxiety! Can I get a hallelujah a "I might have actually matured a little in the "trust Me" category" - hallelujah?! On the morning of the day our Realtor had told the family with the offer on our house we would give them an answer, God answered. Right on time. Never early, never late, right on His time! During my quiet time when I was simply praying..not necessarily about the house, just having my morning coffee with God, I heard, "move forward". One of the frustrations with having to show the house has been not being able to pack because there is nowhere to put boxes if we are going to keep things neat and tidy! Accepting the offer means our house will show very little if at all, and we can start packing boxes! It means the buyers will move forward as if their house will sell getting things done such as appraisals, inspections, etc that can hold up a closing. It would all be moving forward if we accepted the contingency. I didn't share any of this with John. We had zero showings that day. You know, you kind of have to show the house to sell the house! On his way home from work right before we were to meet our Realtor to discuss options, John was feeling a bit anxious about not having any showings. Then God stepped in and showed Him the answer too! "Why do you need showings? Your house is sold." Once again God was so faithful to tell us both separately what the next step is! But He wasn't just telling us...we sat down to meet with our Realtor. She had told us the day before that taking the contingency in this market really was not advisable. But one of the things we love about our Realtor - who is also a dear friend - is that she is a Godly woman! We sat down to talk and she shares that in her time that morning, she had thought, "Taking this offer makes no sense, but this is the Petrees and nothing they do makes sense!" Ha! I love it! And it's so true! She went on to say that she felt maybe this family was supposed to get our house...we have been praying that our house would be a blessing to whomever was to buy it. So she just confirmed what God had already spoken to both John and I, so we accepted the offer! Now we are waiting to hear of the sell of their house! That did bring a bit of anxiety to me when I thought of that right after God said to accept the offer. God responded to that anxiety with a statement something like this, "Have you really not learned that I can take care of things like that by now?!" To which I responded, "Yes, Sir!"
But the pieces don't stop there! I may just have to stand on my rooftop literally and shout how faithful and good my God is before this is all done! The Word God gave me back in April 2012 about the new job said that it would allow John to be the husband and father he needed to be instead of making him choose and competing for those roles. When they offered John the job, one of the things that we loved immediately were the hours. He will get home an hour earlier than he does now! Scheduling the drop off and pick up of kids from school while working around babies I don't want to wake and naps, etc has been one of my biggest struggles! The time right after school when everyone is home, needing help with homework and I am trying to get dinner on the table is extremely stressful! Well, no more! We got on-line to look at the kids' schools! Their schedules fit perfectly with John's! The elementary starts at 7:45 and releases at 2:45. So I can drop them off while leaving the babies asleep because the big kids will still be home...they don't start school until 9:20! By then babies will be awake, and it will be no big deal to get them in the car to take the big kids! I will pick up the elementary kids and have their home work done before the big kids come home! And John will get off just in time to get to the middle school to pick up the big kids, so I only have to get out once in the afternoon! Anyone who says God isn't into the details hasn't lived a life with 8 kids! He cares about it all!
There are still some things to be worked out, like renting the house to be there when school starts, all the inspections, etc that have to be done on both houses, the sell of our buyer's house, etc, etc. But God has it! I'm not anxious....just waiting with great anticipation to see how He answers each one of these! Because He will!
Monday, July 9, 2012
Knowing God's Will
I have often said when contemplating a decision that needs to be made or looking for which direction to go in life that I wish I could receive an e-mail from God with the directions spelled out. I don't say that anymore. Not because at times I still wish it was that simple and clear cut. I still with at times I could write Him my questions, like a tech support, and He sends back the answers. Yes, that would be A.M.A.Z.I.N.G! But I have also come to learn that the reason God doesn't do that is because it requires no relationship! When I have a question about a program that isn't working or a website I can't find the answer on, I look for the "contact us" button and send a request for information. I then get an instant message or an e-mail with the information I need - I never have to engage with the person on the other end of the computer! I don't even know their name most of the time. If I have learned anything over the past 15 years of trying to walk in relationship and not just legalism with my Lord it is that He values my relationship with Him above all else!
So when I ask Him for direction, He is not going to send an e-mail from His tech support! He is going to draw me into Him. He is going to ask me to spend a little more time with Him than I do for daily maintenance. He is going to ask me to sit a little quieter and listen a little closer to His still small voice. Romans 12:2 states it this way, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will." That's pretty plain! God is telling us, if you want to know the answer, spend time with me and in my Word! I am not making this a mystery! But I am not going to send an e-mail or write it in the sky with an airplane, either! He wants us in His word transforming our minds. That is the only way we can test and approve His will! But if we do that, we can know His will. No secrets.
I was reminded of this again recently as we heard God ask us to walk in a new direction in an area of our life. I can't share details right now, but will soon. Basically we were like Abraham....God said pack up your stuff and walk. That was it. No direction for where the end of the journey was. Just walk. Now the logical, mathematical me doesn't really even know how its possible to take off in any direction when you don't know the destination. But Isaiah 55:8 quickly reminds me that my ways are not His! Can I get an Amen to that?! If I said in the midst of being asked to walk with no direction to walk I was not completely frustrated, I would be lying. If I said I wanted to turn back and go to where we just came from just to be in a familiar place, I would not be truthful. And if I said it didn't make me question if I had heard God at all in this area, I would be leading you astray. John and I both prayed relentlessly in this area and both felt God telling us the same thing - W.A.L.K. But it wasn't until we finally decided in our minds and committed to walking, with out turning back, that God gave clear direction. It is just like Joshua 3 when the Israelites are crossing the Jordan into the promised land. God required the priests to step into the water before He stopped the water from flowing. The last time He stopped water from flowing for the Israelites, Moses only had to stretch out his hand. This time God required a step of faith, a step of obedience before He made the path clear. As soon as John and I determined to walk in obedience, not turn back to what was familiar or give up for lack of direction, but trust and obey, God provided the rest of the answer for where we were to walk! It was just like a door opened as soon as we agreed to obey! I had to smile when I realized what had happened.
So many times when we are asked by God to wait for an answer for whatever reason, we start to doubt our ability to hear Him or get clear direction from Him. The enemy loves to put those doubts in our minds. However, the scripture is very clear. 1 Corinthians 2:16 tells us in plain language - we have the mind of Christ! We don't need an e-mail from God! We have His mind already! We only need to sit still long enough and spend enough time in His word to know without a doubt what His good and perfect will is!
I love that about God. He truly is not into guessing games! If I don't have a clear answer or direction, it means I need to sit longer with Him. It may mean I have some sin in my life I need to deal with in order to hear God's voice or it may mean I have to open to what the answer is...even if its no. Or it may just mean He wants to spend a little more time with us, preparing us for the answer. But it never means He doesn't want to give us the answer. The answer is on its way!
So when I ask Him for direction, He is not going to send an e-mail from His tech support! He is going to draw me into Him. He is going to ask me to spend a little more time with Him than I do for daily maintenance. He is going to ask me to sit a little quieter and listen a little closer to His still small voice. Romans 12:2 states it this way, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will." That's pretty plain! God is telling us, if you want to know the answer, spend time with me and in my Word! I am not making this a mystery! But I am not going to send an e-mail or write it in the sky with an airplane, either! He wants us in His word transforming our minds. That is the only way we can test and approve His will! But if we do that, we can know His will. No secrets.
I was reminded of this again recently as we heard God ask us to walk in a new direction in an area of our life. I can't share details right now, but will soon. Basically we were like Abraham....God said pack up your stuff and walk. That was it. No direction for where the end of the journey was. Just walk. Now the logical, mathematical me doesn't really even know how its possible to take off in any direction when you don't know the destination. But Isaiah 55:8 quickly reminds me that my ways are not His! Can I get an Amen to that?! If I said in the midst of being asked to walk with no direction to walk I was not completely frustrated, I would be lying. If I said I wanted to turn back and go to where we just came from just to be in a familiar place, I would not be truthful. And if I said it didn't make me question if I had heard God at all in this area, I would be leading you astray. John and I both prayed relentlessly in this area and both felt God telling us the same thing - W.A.L.K. But it wasn't until we finally decided in our minds and committed to walking, with out turning back, that God gave clear direction. It is just like Joshua 3 when the Israelites are crossing the Jordan into the promised land. God required the priests to step into the water before He stopped the water from flowing. The last time He stopped water from flowing for the Israelites, Moses only had to stretch out his hand. This time God required a step of faith, a step of obedience before He made the path clear. As soon as John and I determined to walk in obedience, not turn back to what was familiar or give up for lack of direction, but trust and obey, God provided the rest of the answer for where we were to walk! It was just like a door opened as soon as we agreed to obey! I had to smile when I realized what had happened.
So many times when we are asked by God to wait for an answer for whatever reason, we start to doubt our ability to hear Him or get clear direction from Him. The enemy loves to put those doubts in our minds. However, the scripture is very clear. 1 Corinthians 2:16 tells us in plain language - we have the mind of Christ! We don't need an e-mail from God! We have His mind already! We only need to sit still long enough and spend enough time in His word to know without a doubt what His good and perfect will is!
I love that about God. He truly is not into guessing games! If I don't have a clear answer or direction, it means I need to sit longer with Him. It may mean I have some sin in my life I need to deal with in order to hear God's voice or it may mean I have to open to what the answer is...even if its no. Or it may just mean He wants to spend a little more time with us, preparing us for the answer. But it never means He doesn't want to give us the answer. The answer is on its way!
Friday, February 4, 2011
Hiding from God
I realize this title is an oxymoron, or close to it, I think. There is no way to hide from an Omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent God. But when I choose to not spend time with Him, I am at least blocking Him out...as much as the Holy Spirit will allow before chasing me down, anyway!
I have hidden from God way too much the past two months. Different reasons, but all of them are rebellious at the heart of the matter. Rebellion doesn't look good on me! Definitely NOT flattering! So why do I "wear" it? Sometimes I know God just shakes his head at me...just like I do my kids when they are being less than smart!
A lot of the time I have deliberately not had my quiet times over the past couple of months. It has been because the battle of spirit versus flesh have been very present in my household. Battles with kids and how they see other kids act or being treated by their parents, battles with other family members over my stance on spiritual absolutes and what we allow or don't allow in our family, and inward battles with what I believe God is saying and my complete lack of desire to do it!
Most recently, my battle is the latter! Over the past few weeks, I have been considering a possible situation that has been placed before us. A situation that John and I have agreed would be an impossibility and as such have informed those asking us that we would not be doing it. I was very comfortable with that decision! I can give you a thousand reasons why we are justified in our response to say no to this situation. In fact, there are very few people that wouldn't want to call in the men in white coats if we walked forward in this situation! We have received very good feedback from everyone when responding with a resounding "NO!!!!!" to this situation. Very good feedback from almost everyone...and the only One who really matters, doesn't seem all that thrilled with my no!
It started with a little whisper that said, "Did you ask Me about this situation? Did you ask Me what My plan is here?" To which I quickly responded, well God of course You don't want me to do this! It would stretch me beyond what any human is capable of! It would put stress on every area of our lives! There is no way You would want us to do this. To which I hear again, "Have you asked Me what I want in this situation? Have you asked Me what I can do in this situation? Have you looked at what matters to Me?"
We had a guest couple at our church for a marriage seminar and then they spoke again on Sunday morning. Their testimony and much of their walk in their marriage, mirrors a lot of John and mine. It was very encouraging to hear them! But God also used them to speak to me about this situation. In my quiet time before hearing them speak, God stirred it in me, then as they spoke, He solidified what I believed Him to be saying.
I believe He has said that we are to say "yes" to this situation. I don't even know that the "yes" will actually require anything of us. I don't know that the actual event will occur. But I know God wants me to be willing and ready to say "yes" to whatever He calls me to. And I know that God has spoken to my heart that I am limiting Him with my human perspective. I am telling Him where His boundaries are in my life and that is pretty much like the pot saying to the potter what it will be!
So I have spent the last week sleeping in and hiding from God. I don't know that I have ever consciously avoided Him because of what I think He will tell me before. But this week I can definitely say that I have. I'm tired of being stretched! I'm tired, period! I feel like I am literally on the brink of impossibility and God just seems to be saying, not only are you going to do all that I have commanded (even the things you aren't doing yet because you are being slow to obey Me), but add this to your list!
So tonight is the first time in a week or more that I feel like I have really engaged with God. Why? Because all my other attempts this week, feeble attempts, have failed. Why? Because I had rebellion in my heart and disobedience on my mind! I was coming to God saying, "I don't want to know what you want from me....I just want you to fix this, and this, and this...THEN maybe I will consider listening to you!" God reacts to that about how I would to one of my children telling me that!
But tonight, I come before Him ready to obey. Ready to lay down my agendas, my fears, my limitations and say yes to God. Whatever He asks of me in this situation, I'm ready to walk in obedience trusting Him with the rest! Hang on folks! This is going to be one crazy ride! ...oh, and pray for John! This may just send him over the edge! :) I have already told him I think God has spoken a "yes" in this situation, and He looked at me like I was a mad woman! He had no clue what he was getting himself into 13 years ago when he watched me walk down the aisle and took me as his life partner! But I wouldn't want to be on this journey with anyone else!
I have hidden from God way too much the past two months. Different reasons, but all of them are rebellious at the heart of the matter. Rebellion doesn't look good on me! Definitely NOT flattering! So why do I "wear" it? Sometimes I know God just shakes his head at me...just like I do my kids when they are being less than smart!
A lot of the time I have deliberately not had my quiet times over the past couple of months. It has been because the battle of spirit versus flesh have been very present in my household. Battles with kids and how they see other kids act or being treated by their parents, battles with other family members over my stance on spiritual absolutes and what we allow or don't allow in our family, and inward battles with what I believe God is saying and my complete lack of desire to do it!
Most recently, my battle is the latter! Over the past few weeks, I have been considering a possible situation that has been placed before us. A situation that John and I have agreed would be an impossibility and as such have informed those asking us that we would not be doing it. I was very comfortable with that decision! I can give you a thousand reasons why we are justified in our response to say no to this situation. In fact, there are very few people that wouldn't want to call in the men in white coats if we walked forward in this situation! We have received very good feedback from everyone when responding with a resounding "NO!!!!!" to this situation. Very good feedback from almost everyone...and the only One who really matters, doesn't seem all that thrilled with my no!
It started with a little whisper that said, "Did you ask Me about this situation? Did you ask Me what My plan is here?" To which I quickly responded, well God of course You don't want me to do this! It would stretch me beyond what any human is capable of! It would put stress on every area of our lives! There is no way You would want us to do this. To which I hear again, "Have you asked Me what I want in this situation? Have you asked Me what I can do in this situation? Have you looked at what matters to Me?"
We had a guest couple at our church for a marriage seminar and then they spoke again on Sunday morning. Their testimony and much of their walk in their marriage, mirrors a lot of John and mine. It was very encouraging to hear them! But God also used them to speak to me about this situation. In my quiet time before hearing them speak, God stirred it in me, then as they spoke, He solidified what I believed Him to be saying.
I believe He has said that we are to say "yes" to this situation. I don't even know that the "yes" will actually require anything of us. I don't know that the actual event will occur. But I know God wants me to be willing and ready to say "yes" to whatever He calls me to. And I know that God has spoken to my heart that I am limiting Him with my human perspective. I am telling Him where His boundaries are in my life and that is pretty much like the pot saying to the potter what it will be!
So I have spent the last week sleeping in and hiding from God. I don't know that I have ever consciously avoided Him because of what I think He will tell me before. But this week I can definitely say that I have. I'm tired of being stretched! I'm tired, period! I feel like I am literally on the brink of impossibility and God just seems to be saying, not only are you going to do all that I have commanded (even the things you aren't doing yet because you are being slow to obey Me), but add this to your list!
So tonight is the first time in a week or more that I feel like I have really engaged with God. Why? Because all my other attempts this week, feeble attempts, have failed. Why? Because I had rebellion in my heart and disobedience on my mind! I was coming to God saying, "I don't want to know what you want from me....I just want you to fix this, and this, and this...THEN maybe I will consider listening to you!" God reacts to that about how I would to one of my children telling me that!
But tonight, I come before Him ready to obey. Ready to lay down my agendas, my fears, my limitations and say yes to God. Whatever He asks of me in this situation, I'm ready to walk in obedience trusting Him with the rest! Hang on folks! This is going to be one crazy ride! ...oh, and pray for John! This may just send him over the edge! :) I have already told him I think God has spoken a "yes" in this situation, and He looked at me like I was a mad woman! He had no clue what he was getting himself into 13 years ago when he watched me walk down the aisle and took me as his life partner! But I wouldn't want to be on this journey with anyone else!
Sunday, October 4, 2009
I'm a slow learner....
Ever have one of those times that you have a general feeling that God is calling you to do something. It's something that you wouldn't mind doing, but the timing stinks! In fact, the timing is so bad that you really have to doubt if it is God. I mean really, now? He couldn't be telling me now! That would put me in WAY over my head, God!
I am having one of those times! Every day this "thing" pops up in one way or another! Last night it was in a book that I was reading about Mother Teresa. Today, it was in a conversation with one of the other vendors in the craft show I was in.
But the timing can't be worse. If John and I talked to any of our friends about this, I am sure they would agree. But yet, every time we run, or think there is no way this is the path for us, "it" comes back! If I think about Bible stories, I have no way to weasel out of this "thing" with any of the issues in our lives right now. I have a feeling this is going to come down to an Abraham/Isaac experience: Am I going to lay my life in the alter like Abraham did Isaac and obey God trusting Him in faith to work it all out, or am I going to run the other direction and believe what the world, and even a lot of Christians would say: God wouldn't ask you to do that right now with all you have going on.
Time will tell! God knows my heart's desire is to obey Him and glorify Him in my life. So John and I will keep praying and seeking wisdom for this area! Stay tuned...... :)
I am having one of those times! Every day this "thing" pops up in one way or another! Last night it was in a book that I was reading about Mother Teresa. Today, it was in a conversation with one of the other vendors in the craft show I was in.
But the timing can't be worse. If John and I talked to any of our friends about this, I am sure they would agree. But yet, every time we run, or think there is no way this is the path for us, "it" comes back! If I think about Bible stories, I have no way to weasel out of this "thing" with any of the issues in our lives right now. I have a feeling this is going to come down to an Abraham/Isaac experience: Am I going to lay my life in the alter like Abraham did Isaac and obey God trusting Him in faith to work it all out, or am I going to run the other direction and believe what the world, and even a lot of Christians would say: God wouldn't ask you to do that right now with all you have going on.
Time will tell! God knows my heart's desire is to obey Him and glorify Him in my life. So John and I will keep praying and seeking wisdom for this area! Stay tuned...... :)
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