Freedom from Food: Tools for the Journey

I haven't blogged much about the freedom from food lately because there hasn't been much to blog...except frustration. The pounds haven't fallen off, there a few more added instead. I have prayed and believed and begged and God has been faithful to provide not only answers, but help!

I still believe He has freed me from food. I don't have the addiction or the tendency to run to food for my comfort that I did have. However, I do have habits. I do have set ways that have to be broken. The freedom is here, but now He has to teach me how to walk in it.

I had posted on Facebook a few weeks ago asking my health conscious friends for one or two things they would do if they were wanting to start feeding their families in a more healthy way. One friend sent me a text with a number for a friend who is a CHRISTIAN, a nutritionist and personal trainer. I made the call and she sent me her information on what she offers. I was excited. Then I wasn't. First, obviously she doesn't do this for free. Money is tight. The things I thought we could afford and would be helpful for the entire family, John wasn't really very excited about. So I kind of dropped it.

But as the weight hasn't fallen off and the jeans got a little tighter, I became very discouraged. My freedom from food is tied to many things for me! It is a complicated issue. Losing the weight represents so many things in my spiritual life for me. So when it seems to be just out of my reach, the enemy has a field day with it and convinces me I will never be free in this are or any other and then proceeds to convince me that God doesn't mean anything He says. And that snowball just keep rolling down the hill getting bigger and bigger and faster and faster until it just about takes me over!

Then God shows up! I am not even sure I was praying about it at the time, but a thought dropped into my mind a couple weeks ago. When I lost all my weight in college, I did it with the help of a food journal and a dietitian. She held me accountable with the food log and gave me menu and food ideas for the week ahead. The fog about what I needed to do to walk out of this prison cell of food bondage lifted immediately and what I knew I needed came so easily. I needed accountability and a plan! God spoke to my heart that my struggles with food right now are not in rebellion or from a misplaced worship or loyalty. The struggles are from old habits that I have to break and truly not having a plan for healthy eating. God has told me from the beginning that "programs" are not for me right now because I need to make sure I deal with the spiritual issues. I have even had a family member offer to pay for my hcg shots to do the hcg diet! That was an interesting conversation! :) But God has said a very clear NO to anything like that. But at the same time, doing this alone hasn't worked so well the past 12 years!

With my new clarity, I sat down and wrote a fairly lengthy e-mail to the nutritionist I had talked with previously. I kindly explained that I had looked over her programs and there were not any that I really felt fit what I needed and spelled out what I had heard God tell me I needed. She took awhile to respond as it was during the busy holiday season, but when I got her response, I was overjoyed! Not only was she excited about helping, but the fee she put with the assistance was totally doable even on our tight budget!!!

So January 6, we have our first meeting, and we will meet every other week. I can't wait! I can't wait to be equipped to walk in the freedom that I know is already mine! I will have a plan for each meal and each snack so that old habits or lack of time do not take over and force me to grab the nearest, quickest and usually unhealthy food available as I run out the door or move on to the next kiddo needing my attention! And my entire family will benefit. They don't know it yet, and probably are not going to be entirely thrilled about it, but it will be good for them too!

Our Little Elf Turns 6 Months!

Our Little Elf is six months today! I can't believe it! The time has gone too fast! He is already sitting up, trying to scoot around on his belly and has two teeth with the third one just breaking through yesterday!

He was about as unplanned as a baby gets, but we can't imagine life without him and know that God sent him to us as a precious gift we didn't know we needed or even wanted.

We love you, Journey Josiah! You have given us joy that has sustained us the past 6 months! Happy 1/2 year birthday!

Peek-A-Boo!!!!
Our Happy Elf!!

The "other side" of adoption

I just finished reading a dear friend's adoption story...not the kind of adoption story most of my friends have. Most of my friends are adoptive parents. This friend is a birth mother!

God started teaching me the "other side" of adoption from the very beginning of our adoption journeys with Noah. We only learned of Noah three weeks before he was born. The situation was scary at best since I knew little or nothing about the truth of adoption and just the scary side of all the circumstances that surrounded this situation. We met Noah's birth mother for dinner on July 12. I walked into that Olive Garden a very arrogant woman. I left repentant and humbled. I had some very pre-conceived notions about the woman who would now hold a place in my family forever. But during the course of a three hour meal, God taught me that I can never judge or think about the life of another person without first considering their experiences and place in life. I could not force my way of seeing this situation on this mother who was raised on the streets by a drug addicted mother while I enjoyed the American dream with two wonderful and loving Christian parents. I understood that this woman who sat before me loved the life inside of her even if her actions didn't "show" it according to the way those in my circle viewed loving a child!

God continued to show me the birth family side even as I traveled to Sierra Leone to complete Eden's adoption and stand at the grave of Addy. There were three families traveling to Sierra Leone. The other two families had birth families who were distant or in one case a bit crazy. But Eden and Addy's dad was amazing. Eden brushed her teeth and washed her face while her father, standing on his only remaining leg, washed his face by her side. You could tell she had been loved and taught to do what she could with what they had. I will never forget the first night I had her. She was sitting on my lap in the living room of the place we stayed, and we were watching TV. I looked up to see her dad standing in the doorway looking at us with a tear sliding down his cheek. I have worked in adoptions in Africa now as an agency. There are many reasons some families give children for adoption to Americans. But this daddy had buried one daughter and didn't ever want to bury another! He loved this little girl and was trying to give her a life he couldn't and the safety he longed for her to have. He had already been in and out of hospitals struggling for his own life because of the infections in his legs and he didn't want to leave his daughter an orphan! The way he handled our entire trip and the bond that little girl and I shared was what made her failed adoption the hardest thing in my life to overcome.

Then with my work in Liberia, I came to respect many birth families, and despise others. I saw families who were left with no choice but to watch their children die of starvation or beg and plead for a better life for them. I watched others who thought adoption was a free ticket to America some day (and those are the ones I refused to deal with if I could be sure of their motives!). We worked very hard to ensure only children who desperately needed new homes were placed for adoption.

God stretched me even further with Madison's adoption. It is no secret that I am not a fan of fully open adoption where both families have constant communication and contact. I have many reasons for this belief and totally understand it is the politically incorrect view of adoption. But I also believe the openness of an adoption is a personal choice that must be made between the adoptive family and the birth family and the only absolute I stand by is that the best interest of the child and not either family should be the number one driving factor in any decision about openness!

With that said, you can understand even more why Madison's situation is so amazing. Madison was placed in our home because my parents knew her birth mother. Madison was placed with us as "fictive kin" before we were licensed foster parents. When we became involved with Madison, it was because I was working with her mother to try to get to a place where the state would let her have Madison back. I actually took her mom to her first visit with Madison after she had been taken into CPS custody. We did not have a clue at that time what God's plan was for us in this family's life and we were totally open to whatever it was...we didn't know if we were there to serve the birth mother, the baby or both! I continued my efforts with Madison's mother even after Madison came to live with us. I would offer to go pick her up and drive her to get job applications or to turn them in. I would call her with places I knew were hiring as getting a job was one of the biggest goals to regaining custody of Madison. Obviously, ultimately Madison ended up with us permanently. However, we didn't just gain Madison, we gained an entire extended family. We have what I never thought I could handle...we have an open relationship with part of Madison's biological family. Madison's maternal grandmother is raising her other half siblings and we consider them our extended family. We text regularly, exchange pictures often and even visit from time to time. It has stretched me for sure, but I am able to do it because Madison's grandmother is very respectful of us as a family and is safe to have in Madison's life.

But now, as we walk out Paizley's unplanned pregnancy, I find myself truly on the "other side". Whether Paizley parents or places the baby is truly her decision. But just because it is her decision doesn't mean that it impacts the rest of us who love her...and the baby... any less.

I have talked to Paizley, I have talked to John, and I have talked to friends. As I read my friend's story about placing her baby for adoption, all those conversations and the questions that lurk in my heart came back.

What if? What if Paizley decides she isn't able to parent this baby right now and wants to place him or her for adoption? Wants to place my grandbaby for adoption? Many have asked if we would take him or her to raise? We have told Paizley we will not do this...that is what I've always said in hypothetical discussions. This isn't hypothetical. This is real. This is a child, my grandchild, my baby's baby. Please understand this is my transparent, raw emotion here. I know the decision is hers, and I know there are many emotions for her in this. I'm not overlooking those, but as I was talking with some other parents recently, we discussed how sometimes we act like parents check all emotions and feelings at the door when we become parents. Obviously we can't act on our emotions and feelings all the time, but that doesn't mean they are not here.

My life's calling is to take in children...to provide families for children who need a family. How would I ever let one go? One thing we know is that we will not raise the child as grandparents. Either Paizley will be mom, committed to raising the child, and we will be grandparents; she will place the baby with another couple to be parents or we will be the parents. I am not sure how you raise a grandchild as a child and not have some confusion in the family...for that child as well as other young children in the family. But I also don't know how 18 or more years from now I answer a young man or woman who might ask, "You took in all these children, but there was no room for me?"

So what if reality is Paizley decides adoption is the best option for her and her baby? Will I really be able to let the baby go? Despite my anger when I first found out and despite the still very real struggles of the day to day reality of what this pregnancy means for Paizley and our family, I already find myself loving the baby...it has a face now...it has fingers and toes...is has a heart...and it has my heart! John says we can't raise it. I don't know if I could let it go. It's her baby. It's my grand baby. It's her decision. It's my heart.

God has a plan....and I pray daily for Paizley, me and John to have the faith, strength and courage to walk whatever path He has!

Christmas Pictures!

To get 9 people together for a picture shoot....4 of whom are under 6 and under takes more patience than I usually have! And with all the additions to our family lately, we have had MANY family pics in the past few months. It also gets tight on the pocket book paying for these family portrait sessions! I have a sweet friend who takes creative pictures even though is not a professional photographer. She and her husband were so generous to come and take pictures for our Christmas cards! It was really fun! And the results were even more fun! So here is our family this Christmas!

A little preparation goes a long way!

Seems like I don't have many "good" parenting moments lately. More of just survival! However, I am trying to take life back instead of letting life take me down! For those who know my nature, you know this is difficult for me. I'm prone to not plan, procrastinate and even when I do plan, not follow it because something or in most cases someone comes up to interrupt the plan!But last night was different! And it worked!

Going out to eat with my crew takes half a months wages..ok, not quite half, but more than we can afford very often. So we rarely go to "nice" restaurants. However, we want our children to know how to behave somewhere besides Taco Villa, and we want them to have experiences in the restaurants others talk about. So once in awhile we splurge. The fact that these trips are rare and that we are spending a small fortune to have the experience means I get very upset when one of the kids ruins it with a fit or attitude. We have one child in particular who routinely ruins our restaurant experiences. He/she usually throws the first tantrum when it comes time to order drinks. He/she stalls on purpose, for what reason we haven't quite figured out, which usually ends in us telling the waiter that he/she will take water since he/she can't make up his/her mind. Then the pouting and taking anger out on whatever unlucky sibling is in the vicinity begins.

Last night we had a big surprise for our kids planned. It started with dinner at a nice, sit down restaurant. I was determined that said child would not ruin our entire evening...once the pouting starts, it's all down hill and behaviors worsen exponentially until we get home. So with what I know had to be a Holy Spirit idea, I had a pro-active discussion with this child.

Last time we went out to eat, we had one of these meltdowns and I had told this lovely of mine that the next time he/she threw one of these fits, he/she would not go with us to eat the next time and would be left at home with a baby sitter at his/her expense. So right before we left, I took this child aside and reminded him/her of my promise from the last time the fit was thrown. But I also made a plan for if something happened. This is a child who has a very difficult time expressing any emotion in a constructive and appropriate way. Something we actually deal with a ton in our family because of the background of most of our kiddos. I told this child that I wanted him/her to know that I was willing to listen to any argument he/she had about anything he/she felt was unfair during the course of the evening, but I would not have that discussion until we got home. So I asked him/her to come up with a code word so that if he/she felt something had been unfair or he/she was getting angry, he/she could use the code word and know we would talk about it later instead of holding it inside and getting angry or lashing out at the nearest sibling. He/she got to choose the code word which was "meep - meep" - like the road runner says! Wouldn't have been my choice, especially since I had to use it if I saw behavior I needed to stop, but it was his/her choice, so "meep-meep" it was! He/she thought that was really cool and we set out for our evening with a plan!

The coolest part? Well, we didn't have to use that code word, not one time! I truly think taking that time before we left made that child feel significant enough and also gave him/her a feeling that no matter what happened there was a way to be heard that there was no acting out!

God used this to remind me that parenting must be intentional! And that when I stop to prepare for behaviors instead of constantly just reacting to them, our world turns much smoother! And since this is so contrary to my nature, I often wonder why God gave me a) so many children and b) children from hard places to parent! Maybe its because regardless of how many times I fail as a mom, I love these babies! I may not discipline the right way, I may not provide all the experiences I wish I could or that they may want, but I couldn't love them anymore than I do!

But from now on, we will have that little conversation before every trip to eat out! It was such a nice evening!

We are growing again....

I've drug my feet writing this post. Mainly because I don't really like dealing with the reality of what I'm about to share. But also because I really don't want to know what others think right now. Having enough trouble dealing with my own thoughts on the matter and walking my entire family through this without the comments of those who don't really know us or our hearts.


I want you to know that my last post about Paizley and her one year anniversary of being with us was written with the full knowledge of what I am sharing....and I meant every word! So this is what I knew....Paizley is pregnant. Our family will be growing again in a way I never hoped. While as a parent I have always said I'm not prideful or naive enough to think we wouldn't have to deal with a pregnant teen, I never thought I would be doing it this soon. But here we are.

As I have shared with our close friends and family the most difficult part of this is learning how to deal with the entire issue and balance the fact that a sin created this life, but the life is not a sin. We are so sorrowful and at times angry about the choices that were made that got us to this point, but we can't be angry at an innocent life now growing inside my daughter. We have to celebrate this life as we would any because God has ordained it just as He does all lives He creates! (Psalm 139).

I'm sure many will judge us on many levels as we walk this journey. Each step we did what we believed was best for Paizley and our entire family. The irony of this is that she was being home schooled (what I think many times is seen as the ultimate protection from "the world") when this happened. One thing I've learned is that short of locking them in a room with no windows and only a little air to breath, your children will make their own choices and whether you agree with them or not, you all have to deal with the consequences.

Many have asked if we are encouraging her to place the baby for adoption. And most are shocked to learn that at this time we are not encouraging that. Obviously we are very pro-adoption! We fully believe adoption is a great option for unplanned pregnancies. However, we have always believed and still believe that this should be the last resort (other than abortion of course which is not even an option in our minds) for the biological family. Let me try to explain.

God gave this baby to Paizley. One thing I will never understand is why so many loving families struggle with infertility while so many babies are having babies and so many women who truly don't want their children are becoming pregnant multiple times. I don't understand it. I didn't understand it when we miscarried and the pain was very personal, and I don't understand it now when my daughter is one of those teens that is making it difficult for others who struggle with infertility. All I know is God's ways and thoughts are not mine! And I, the clay, do not say to the potter do this or that! And that is where I have to leave those thoughts and feelings.

But I know this. God does not give us more than we can handle IN HIM! That is a vital part of that scripture that we often leave out. I also know God does not give babies to women for them to give to someone else. Let me add here that there are extenuating circumstances of course. There are young women who have no support system who truly can't take on the financial or emotional strain of a baby and the most selfless thing they can do is place the baby. Those women are my heroes! I've always wondered how they have the strength to do it and sitting where I am now, I wonder even more! I can't even imagine what it takes to look at your baby, kiss it good bye and hand it to another person all because you love him or her so much that you want what you can't give! Truly, if you are reading this and have walked that path, I am in awe! You are amazing!!! But in general, I hold to the belief that if God has placed a life in you, He will equip you and walk with you in order to parent that baby. However, that means you have to be willing to make the choices and put forth the effort to grow and mature into the parent God intends you to be.

And that is what we are telling our daughter. First and foremost, the decision is hers. This is her baby! But at this point, we are encouraging her to put forth the effort to become the mother this baby needs. We have a lot of hard work ahead of us these next few months in all areas. But I believe Paizley can be an amazing mother to this child, and I would never encourage any woman to place her baby for adoption if she is willing to put in the work to mother him or her!

My mommy heart aches for Paizley. I keep willing time to stand still so this baby won't come until she gets to have the childhood that had already been robbed of her. The childhood we were trying so desperately to give back to her. But no matter how much I long for the time to stop....it keeps going and the baby inside of her is growing every day...and now, she has to be a woman....a mom. I struggle with what role this puts her and me and all the other children in. I feel like my home has been turned upside down and inside out.

Fear for what the future holds could overcome all of us at any moment. But as I've said over and over these last few weeks, this we know: this is no surprise to God, He still sits on His throne, and we will get through this...One. Day. At. A. Time....because He promises that He will never leave us or forsake us! And the other thing I know without a doubt is that I am more thankful than ever that God gave me Paizley. The hurt and pain and anger and frustration and the 1,000 + 1 other emotions I have had are all worth it because a life has been redeemed...there is hope that Paizley can still have an amazing life and so can this child. Paizley has a support system now that she didn't have just 14 months ago...and that support system is called a family! It's been the hardest year of my life, and this next one might knock this year off that title....but even still, she is my daughter, and I would not change that. I find myself falling to my knees often these days, but I'm just thankful there is a place to fall!

We covet your prayers. The prayers of our friends and family who know have kept our noses just above drowning level these past few weeks. We covet your prayers for our other children. They have to deal with this also. And we covet your prayers for Paizley.

Seek First the Kingdom

This is a blog post that has been floating around for some time now in my head, but just can't seem to stop long enough to get anything down these days! But on this Thanksgiving eve, the house is quiet and I'm enjoying some time of reflection. So here ya go!

John works for a state agency in education. As such he has contact with many districts locally and many other people state wide. All that to say, he gets asked to apply for jobs fairly regularly. Anyone who knows John knows that is dangerous since he thrives on change (hince the 9 houses in 11 years of marriage and four jobs in his current place of employment in 5 years)! He has learned to not entertain these requests on a regular basis or I would go bonkers...I'm the not-so-fond of change one!

But I knew something was different when he came home a few weeks ago and said he had been asked to apply at a small district not too far from here. I could tell he was actually considering this one. It took me by surprise. But the more we talked about it, the more there seemed to be some valid reasons to consider it. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized I really do miss a lot about small town life and I REALLY miss living in the country where I can watch the sunrise and sunset as I connect with God in amazing ways in nature! I can just hear his voice so much clearer and feel His presence in a stronger way when I am away from the distractions of a city. There are a couple of our kids who would really thrive in the environment that this job offered for them in school. And then there was the obvious career benefit for John. It would give him some vital experience that he needs to take the next step in his career. So we continued to pray, and John started talking to the key people about the job. Not too long into the process we found out the house that was provided as part of the package (a common thing in small town schools in the middle of no where as an incentive to attract administrators to schools) was only 3 bedroom and two bath. We have to have at least four bedrooms. The two bath we could find a way to live with, but we would have to have a 4th bedroom. We initially thought this was a closed door. But the powers that be asked us to come look at the house because there were a couple of rooms that could be bedrooms. So we agreed. We weren't sure where those rooms were that could be bedrooms, but there was a garage that could easily be converted, and we decided we could make it work! If this is where God wanted us, we could and would make the house work. We would be in close quarters, but we also realize we are tremendously blessed with our current house. We were willing to do whatever necessary to be where God wanted us. I have failed to mention one of the biggest perks of this job. Taking this job would have put at least $4,000 into our monthly budget. Yes, I meant to put that many zero's! That meant we could easily pay off all debt in a year and still take a trip to Disney in the next year! John and I both started dreaming of what it would mean to be able to buy groceries without scrimping here and there. We could actually afford to just go get the boys tennis shoes when they needed them instead of having to wait until the next pay day and pray that no one else's toe would start sticking out of their shoe before the next pay day! It would mean more flexibility to help with the agency like being able to hire a house keeper or have a couple days a week where Journey and Madison were both in some kind of childcare so that I could work without interruption. The list goes on and on of what that kind of money in our monthly budget would do for us.

But no matter how many pro and con lists we made and no matter how much we wanted the financial freedom this would bring, we had no peace about taking the job. God finally just gave me an answer that was simply "stay" - followed by "trust Me". I knew God was calling me to live out Matthew 6 in a way I never have...and at a time when believing God for things has been a struggle, God was asking me to not worry about what I would wear or what I would eat, or even about John's career but to trust Him! He was asking me to seek Him and His righteousness first....and I believe everything else will be added to us!

After hearing how much the new tires cost on the suburban this morning and struggling to find the money to buy Christmas for the kids, I have at times questioned why we didn't just take the money and go! But I know that God is doing a new work...He is asking me to trust Him with our finances and with His provision for us! I am excited to see how God shows off in this area! Stay tuned......

One year ago today

Our first ever mother/daughter picture!

One year ago today, Paizley came to live with us....forever. This year has been one of the hardest of my life. I just finished "Wait No More" a book by a family who adopted from CPS and she now works for Focus on the Family in CO. There is a quote in there that goes something like adopting teenagers is like pouring gasoline on the fire of your own sins. I can testify to that! While we have had our struggles trying to mesh our two worlds and become a family, the majority of my hard times this year have been seeing my own flaws and struggles magnified and having to deal with them.

We still have our things to work through. Some of them pretty major. But as I sat and talked to Paizley today, I shared that even with all the heartache and struggles of the past year, I would do it again. She wanted to know why and through my own tears I told her because she is worth it. I watched as the tears fell from her eyes as she heard me say that she needed a mother and God wanted me to be in that role for her. And just on that fact alone, it is all worth it and I would do it all again. If someone had said to me, this is exactly what the next year will bring and this is how you will feel and these are the trials this decision will bring, I would not have said yes! But that is why it's called faith! And that is why I am thankful God calls us to what I've come to refer to as blind obedience! I was as educated on the issues of adopting an older child from CPS as anyone can be, but nothing could have prepared me for this past year. But God has carried me through it and I have learned more about Him in the past year than any other year of my life!

So on this eve of Thanksgiving, I am thankful that one year ago today I didn't know what the year in front of me would hold and I opened my door and my heart to an amazing young woman who needed a mother and a father and brothers and sisters...and even more than all that, she needed to know He Savior in an intimate way. I am thankful that God has allowed us to walk this journey. And I am trusting Him with the year we are entering now!

Freedom from Food: 40 Days

There are so many blog posts rattling around in my head...but no time to sit and get them out here! This is a rare moment when babies are asleep, Paizley is at work and the rest of the kids are at a movie with John's parents. And thanks to the help of my amazing friend Elizabeth, my house is clean, so I'm going to get this post out of my head and down here in print!

Several weeks ago, God told me to fast from meat and sweets. I started several times only to talk myself out of it when it got hard. I really don't understand fasting except to know that it is a spiritual discipline that we are expected to partake in when told to do so. And that with each fast I do, I learn a little more about what it does for me and my relationship with God....especially in the battle with food addiction. I wasn't talking myself out of the fast because I didn't want to obey, but I couldn't really get my mind around why I would be fasting from just meat and sweets or what purpose this fast was serving. I'm one of those children who needs to know "why"! I am mature enough to realize God doesn't have to answer the "why", and I'm still accountable to walk in obedience, but this time, He was gracious enough to know my unspoken request to know why and gave it to me!

40 days ago, I was reading the two devotions that I get every day: Proverbs 31 and David Wilkerson. The two were on nothing similar, but God took both of them and lead me right where I needed to be! The Proverbs 31 was on discipline and the David Wilkerson was on unbelief. David talked about how unbelief is the underlying sin of most sin and disobedience. He hit the nail on the head with me! I had just spent some time wrestling with God over some issues of unbelief. But then the Proverbs 31 was on discipline and took me to Hebrews 12: 11-13.

For the time being no discipline brings joy, but seems grievous and painful; but afterwards it yields a peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it [a harvest of fruit which consists in righteousness--in conformity to God's will in purpose, thought, and action, resulting in right living and right standing with God]. So then, brace up and reinvigorate and set right your slackened and weakened and drooping hands and strengthen your feeble and palsied and tottering knees, and cut through and make firm and plain and smooth, straight paths for your feet [yes, make them safe and upright and happy paths that go in the right direction], so that the lame and halting [limbs] may not be put out of joint, but rather may be cured. (Amplified version)

God immediately spoke that the fast from sweets and meat was discipline. It was God correcting in me the idolatry of food in my life. He was putting me straight! I thought a fast should be warm and fuzzy and bring me these feelings of closeness to God. But God was showing me that this fast would not be warm and fuzzy because it was discipline. In fact, it will be grievous and painful at times. One version even said sorrowful to mind and body. BUT....in the end, when I had been trained by it, I would yield fruit of righteousness....a harvest of fruit which will bring me into conformity to God's will in purpose, thought, and action resulting in right living and right standing with God! Praise Jesus!!!! That is exactly where I want to be! And my love of food has blocked that so many times in my life! I immediately had not only a purpose for the fast, but a hope like I haven't had in a long time of breaking the bondage of addiction to food!

This is what David Wilkerson then had to say about unbelief:
"Unbelief today is as destructive as it ever was. We may not turn into a pillar of salt, but we do become stiff-necked and bitter! The ground does not open up to swallow us, but we are swallowed by troubles, stress and family problems. Fire does not come down and consume us, but our spiritual life is destroyed."
How could this man whom I have never met have just described perfectly the condition of my life?
But God didn't even stop there! He went on! I love Beth Moore's Praying God's Word and use it often. God reminded me of her section on Unbelief and prompted me to once again read her narrative before the scripture prayers. I've read this tens of times over the years, but it was like reading it for the first time as God used this to speak directly to me about the 40 day fast! Here is the deal. I had sat down the night God showed me all this to ask Him where He was in two major times in my life that I felt He had let me down. I was wrestling with moving forward in belief and faith in any are of my life with these two doubts looming over my head! As I asked God for answers to those times, he took me to unbelief. These two events had left me with so much doubt about God. They left me with so many fears that walking in faith would always end badly. I wanted to believe, but every time I would try to move forward, the enemy would bring up these two particular events. As I read what Beth Moore had to say, it all became clear! God was asking me to fast these 40 days from meat and sweets because He was not only disciplining me, but He was breaking loose all the bondage food had on me, but even greater than that, He wanted to free me from unbelief! Beth Moore says, "Believing God is never more critical than when we have strongholds that need to be demolished. Believing God is also rarely more challenging...But you can't just believe in Him to be free from your stronghold. You must believe Him. Believe He can do what He says He can do. Believe you can do what He says you can do. Believe He is who He says He is. And believe you are who He says you are." Wow! That's what I needed right there! I didn't believe any of those statements, and God wanted to seal this deal for ever!

I began journaling based on the words from Hebrews 12 and then Beth's commentary on unbelief. This is what I journaled that night 40 days ago:

"During the 40 days I will be taking a new grip with my tired hands, strengthening my knees (what I use to walk where God shows) and will have a clear path - boundaries for my feet so on my bad days (when I am weak) I will not fall (fail - turn to food again, because there are no boundaries since food, unlike alcohol or drugs is necessary for life). Then the limb which is lame - my unbelief - will be healed."

I was so excited! I was nearly dancing around the sunroom in praise! Then I heard God's voice and I wrote:

"At the end of 40 days, you will be healed, delivered, free! The 100 lbs will come off - you will hit your goal of (He gave me a number which even in my transparency am not comfortable sharing with the world! LOL!)." Then I heard as clearly as I have ever heard God....almost audible
NEVER DOUBT ME AGAIN

And so the 40 day journey began.

The spiritual battles and the weariness of the last 40 days have been insane, but I have not wavered in my belief. The fast is complete at midnight tonight...and I am expecting big things! I know my chains of addiction to food are going to fall off, and my unbelief will be behind me! There are really no words to describe the journey of the past 40 days or the excitement or thankfulness I have for what God has shown me during this fast. God has taken me through scripture after scripture in the Bible where He did something so someone would believe or would have faith. I know that what I will witness in the days and weeks to come will be a stone of remembrance in my life as a time when my belief and faith were increased beyond what they have ever been before!

They Wait Wednesday

It's Wednesday again! Funny, but many Tuesdays are hard days in our family! I would be lying if I said that it didn't make me wonder about putting up kids that need to be adopted on Wednesday! Adopting children from the state system is not for cowards...and you should only do it if you are interested in parenting a child...not in rescuing a child and not in doing a good deed! It. Is. Hard.

However, I know for us, God said do it. So we were left with a choice. Do we walk in obedience or disobedience. Period. Has the journey been easy? Nope! Would I do it again? Yes! I have two amazing children who came to me from the state system. And even on the "bad" days, God uses them to teach me so much about being His daughter! He uses them to make me more compassionate and merciful. He uses them to stretch me beyond myself which means I grow in Him because without Him, I. Could. Not. Do. This!

I kind of laugh with some of my fellow adoptive parents that the introductions to waiting children should read something like: Do you want to be totally undone? Do you want to have your life turned totally upside down? Then bring these children home!

You won't see introductions like that because that doesn't exactly give you warm fuzzies and make you want to ask where to sign up, does it? But maybe it should! God says who ever loses his life for Him will find it! He says to take up your cross daily and folllow Him. God says to visit the orphan and widow in their distress (not just throw money at them). If God is laying it on your heart to love one or more of His children, would you consider these precious girls?

Nyah and Ayanna are 8 and 9 years old. They love to be active. You can read more about them on their TARE page here. And as always, even if you are not called to adopt, will you print out their pictures or put their names on a sticky note somewhere that you will see it and commit to pray for them for the next week? God has a family out there for them! Let's pray them together!

Well Behaved Women....Callie's not one of them!

Just to update you on the hair bow battle, Callie met with her principal yesterday. At the beginning of the meeting, the principal asked Callie if she was nervous talking to her, and Callie smiled and said, "Nope!" That's my girl!!!!! Seems to be a bit of attempt to intimidate going on....glad it didn't work on her anymore than it did no me!

The petition she started has been approved. The principal put all kinds of stipulations on how and when it can be signed and made Callie initial signature pages, etc. Kind of silly, but we will play by her rules. I am just so proud of Callie for standing up and continuing even when it got hard and could have been intimidating! The petition will be in two locations at three different times during the school day. I am praying and asking my friends to pray that this experience is a good one for Callie and accomplishes all God intends for it to do in her life. And as a momma bear whose watched her cub be attacked, I'm praying for hundreds of signatures for Callie to have when she sits with the principal next week to discuss the petition!

I'll keep you posted! Could not be more proud of my daughter! Makes me wonder what plans God has for her and makes me excited to see just what those will be!

Well behaved women rarely make history

"Well behaved women rarely make history" is a quote by Laural Thatcher Ulrich (I've also seen it attributed to Marylin Monroe) that Callie saw one time and brought to my attention. It was when I was fighting the battle in Liberia to have adoptions opened back up. She said, "Mom, this is you!" She even made it my screen saver on my phone at one time. I wasn't sure how to take that, but I've come to enjoy at as one of the biggest compliments she could give me.

It is no hidden secret that I have a strong personality. And I am well aware that in my earlier years that personality was wild, abrasive and unmerciful. I've heard many sermons over the years about the balance of grace and truth, and I most certainly needed more of the grace! But as I have fought hard battles over the years: adoptions in Liberia, fighting to bring Eden home, fighting the enemy's grip on my family at different times, I have learned to fight as God's daughter. I have come to understand that my strong personality is a gift. It was given to me for the purposes God has for me while here on this earth and He intends for me to use it for good. That means I have to stay in the Word and go to Him in prayer whenever the blood in me starts boiling over a matter. I have learned to fight no battle until God says I can. The battles are His. I don't move until He tells me He needs me to be hand and feet and to go forward.

Which brings me to my current battle. It is over bows and earrings. Yes, that's right. Bows. And. Earrings. Crazy? Yes! But as I have played a meeting I had yesterday over this issue back in my head time and time again, I think I see the battle I'm fighting....and it has nothing to do with bows and earrings!

Our local school district started a new way of serving the children identified as gifted and talented this year. I hate those terms. As a parent of an identified gifted and talented child and a special education child, let me just make it clear that all of my children are gifted and talented and need special education! So please understand I am only using the labels as the education system has them in place. There is definitely some arrogance at times in this circle of gifted and talented in education, but we have always been quick to remind Callie she has been gifted as God needs her to be for His work. And so has every other child placed on this planet! No need to get a big head! Since 2nd grade, Callie has attended a two day a week program where she was bussed to a different school and attended classes with children from other schools in the district. The classes were designed to challenge and stretch these children in ways they wouldn't be in their home school classroom. Last year, the district announced that they would be changing the system and the children would be attending this school every day. They would no longer be divided between two schools. Callie is in 6th grade which in our system is the last year of elementary school. We deliberated long and hard, prayed, talked to Callie countless hours before making the decision for Callie to attend this school. Then they announced that they were wearing uniforms and we revisited it all over again. Callie, as a very fashion conscious 11 year old, was very concerned about wearing uniforms. We assured her she would survive and encouraged her to make her decision on whether or not to attend Carver on something a little more substantial than the clothes she would have to wear. But we ultimately left the decision up to her. She chose to go.

As we went shopping for clothes for the coming school year, Callie was pretty bummed that all could buy were blue, gold and white polos and khaki pants. So in her creativity and out of the box thinking (remember, the thing they are supposed to be promoting at this school), she decided that she could express her fashion style in her bows and jewelry. Nothing outlandish, just a little zebra with the gold or lime green with the white. We pulled out the standard attire policy and combed through it to make sure she wasn't violating any rules before she spent her money. It really became quite interesting to watch how she spent her money and the ways she came up with to express her own individuality.

Fast forward to the second week of school. There was a meeting with some teachers and the students about the uniforms. The students were told that they could not wear bows or jewelry that were not in standard attire colors. Callie was ready to quit the school. I explained to her we were not going to quit the school after we had made a decision and commitment to our year there, but that we could discuss this issue with the principal. I made a phone call and was quite shocked at the response I received. After having the phone slammed in my ear, I had plans to call the administrative offices. I was explaining to Callie about my phone conversation and she asked me to wait to call. She wanted to try to fight this battle herself. She asked if she could create a petition to get signatures. Wow! I'm not sure exactly where she learned about a petition, but I was ready to support her. She wrote the petition herself. I helped edit a few grammar mistakes, but she wrote it. She asked me to wait to do anything else until she could present the petition to the principal, and I proudly agreed.

One of the teachers got wind of the petition and told Callie she wanted to take it to the principal. A week later, the teacher told her she couldn't do the petition without the approval of the principal. We looked up the policy, and that is not what it states at all, but the principal assured me the school district attorney says a petition has to be approved. I told her I totally disagreed with that, but it wasn't a big deal for Callie to bring the petition to her. Callie didn't want to do it alone as she was scared of retaliation by this principal. When the principal talked to me about the petition, she also asked to meet with me again. I told her I had no problem meeting with her, but that if it was going to be a conversation that was anything like our previous phone call, I was not interested in waisting my time. She assured me it would not be. Three weeks later, we finally met (long story in and of itself!).

When I walked into the conference room of what I though was going to be a meeting with me and her, there were two other women in the room. It quickly became apparent that the conversation wasn't going to be much different than the phone conversation. In fact, it was worse. At one point during the meeting, the principal left to get a copy of the standard attire policy. At that time, the teacher who was in the room said, "I want to talk to you as a mother. I have four grown children and you don't need to fight this battle. You need to teach your daughter that no means no. You've asked. She has said no. And that needs to be the end of it." Of course this was right after the principal told me I couldn't contact any other parents who shared my concerns with the lack of communication over the particulars for the dress code. I am reading "Lioness Arising" by Lisa Bevere, and let me just say, when the woman sitting beside me told me I didn't need to be fighting this for my daughter and needed to teach her that no means no, the lioness arose! I politely explained to her that I was not a mother who wanted her children to bow down to unjust or irrational authority. I explained that I was very proud of Callie for taking this cause on and fighting in the proper manner to have her voice and the voice of those around her who were too scared to speak for themselves heard. I further explained that I thought it was absolutely ludicrous that she was telling me I needed to teach my daughter that she can never question a decision that she feels is unjust or unfair. I told her that is probably what is wrong with our country right now is such a complacent attitude. I told her that I am teaching her that a no that is unfair or unjust is not a no until you get to the top. I further explained to her that when Callie wanted to present the petition to the superintendent when he visited their school a few weeks ago, I would not allow her to do that. I explained that you could not jump to the top with your concerns but that you needed to go through the proper channels. We had also told Callie and she has gladly followed the interpretation of the code as it stands now. We will not allow her to be rebellious or disrespectful of the principal as an authority...but to tell her we won't question through the proper channels? Really?! No daughter or son of mine will be taught to lay down and play dead!

Having said that, let me also say that I have wanted to lay this thing down many times over the past two months. Are bows really worth my time? No. But God keeps saying, you can't stop. I've been asking why, and I think that teacher who was trying to get me to stop gave me my answer. I'm raising an Esther! I don't know what God has planned for Callie, but whatever it is, I believe with all my heart it will be fighting for those without a voice in some way. I see Him doing way too many things in her life to not believe that. So God tells me to press on because she is watching. These stakes are low. Not getting to wear a bow that is lime green is not the end of the world. But what she will be fighting for later just might be for those on whose behalf she fights.

My meeting yesterday and the response of that teacher was just a reminder that bucking the system doesn't make you popular. Refusing to stay in the status quo can bring criticism. But even as I read the current chapter of Lioness Awakening, God reminded me why it is vital for His people to take up battles from time to time. Lisa Bevere actually uses the quote I started this post with in the chapter I am reading. She says about it: "In light of this charge, God does not need a band of domesticated daughters who spend their days baking and behaving well. Nothing wrong with baking, but if that is all we do, God won't use us to change history. I know this quote may challenge some of you. It challenged me when I first read it. This is not an admonition to be naughty but to realize that change often comes with the challenge of the status quo." Amen!!!

Lisa goes on to give examples like Rosa Parks. If she had not challenged the "no" of sitting in the white section of the bus, America as we know it today might look different. There is a whole list of women in the Bible who challenged the status quo. One of my favorites is Esther. If she had not taken a risk and gone to the king with her request to save her people...even without being summoned first, the Jews would have perished.

As I drove home from the meeting yesterday I kept asking God why. While I have a strong personality, and injustice makes my blood boil, I don't enjoy battles and I would rather walk away than fight. But God immediately brought to mind the puzzle that He so often uses with me. He shows me a great big puzzle with one missing piece. I am the missing piece. God uses that to remind me that when He asks me to do something, like fight for what appears to be a worthless cause like hair bows, there is a bigger picture I can't see. I have no idea what that bigger picture is, I only see my little piece. If it is just Callie learning to stand up for injustice while the stakes are low or if there is a larger reason, I must do my part or the bigger picture isn't complete. The more I interact in this situation, the more concerns I have. But I know if God has told me to continue the battle, I want to obey. I want my daughter to know its ok to stand up even when people are screaming at you to lay down. I want Callie to know there are battles worth being unpopular to fight. I want her to see Esther as her hero not as a problem causer.

As Lisa says, "when you are awakened, you can't help but respond." May I nor any of my children ever sleep through God's alarm awakening them to a change that needs to be made!

As far as the hair bow controversy, Callie has submitted her petition for approval. It has not been returned as of yet, but should be Monday and she still wants to present it and take it as far as we need to for her side to be heard. I could not be more proud of her! And I can't wait to see where God uses her...bows today, lives tomorrow...and I think I might just keep in touch with that teacher from the meeting yesterday so when Callie is changing the world I can remind her that in her opinion, I should have taught me daughter that no is no.

They Wait Wednesday

No, I haven't totally dropped the ball on "They Wait Wednesday". Sorry I have been MIA...we had some family issues that have kept pretty busy...but hopefully I'm back! I've missed introducing you to a child or two every Wednesday that needs a home!

I have viewed this sibling group many times! They just seem like so much fun! As the adoptive mother of a teen, I can tell you it is difficult, but when is raising ANY teen not? But it is also one of the most rewarding things I have ever done. These sibling group consists of Danny, 15,

Deshan, 14,

and Kalija, 12.
TARE does not have as much information as they used to, but click here to read what they say about themselves! I don't have any other connection to these kids than noticing them on TARE, but if you are interested, please let me know and I will try my best to find their adoption worker and get more information!

I am going to make a separate blog post about this, but I think it is a great reference for They Wait Wednesday as well! Yes, I want all children to be adopted....and I believe God is asking people who call themselves Christians to step up and adopt, BUT I do not believe everyone is called to adopt and further believe that if you are not CALLED to adopt, you should not! Dr. Moore says it way better than I can....so read here! If you have not read his book Adopted for Life, it is a MUST for any Christian family looking to adopt!

My Rights

"Never discard a conviction. If it is important enough for the Spirit of God to have brought it to your mind, it is that thing He is detecting. You were looking for a great thing to give up. God is telling you of some tiny thing; but at the back of it there lies the central citadel of obstinacy; I will not give up my right to myself - the thing God intends you to give up if ever you are going to be a disciple of Jesus Christ." ~Oswald Chambers

I am finding more and more that my "rights" are getting in the way of what God is calling me to do. We Amercians have a real problem with our "rights" when it comes to our Christian walk. We are kind of born feeling entitled just because we are Americans and that is what Americans are..entitled. In the political realm that is a good thing. It makes us fight for what we feel is important to our way of live...freedom. But in the Christian walk, it is deadly.

It has been a rough week at our house. So many obstacles. After one too many screams yesterday, I had to walk out the door and go for a little walk...John took over for me in my absence. I cried out to God on that walk that He would deliver me from my circumstances. I was overwhelmed. But what I was really asking Him for was to have my "normal" life back. Times like yesterday I really want to go back to the American dream of 2.5 kids and a white picket fence. On good days, I realize I have gone above and beyond that dream with my 7 kids. But on bad days, it feels like those 4.5 extra kids will send me to an early if not immediate grave.

Those are the times I take my eyes of the One who has blessed me with these children and this life. It is hard. It is overwhelming most days right now. But He has called me. He has asked me to take up my cross and follow Him...every day. He has promised when I do that, He will never leave me nor forsake me and that He will not give me more than I can handle IN HIM!

I read the quote I started with this morning in my devotion and it made me reflect on yesterday in a different light. I did not "discard a conviction" - I had once again taken up my "rights" to what I thought my life should look like.

God brought this to my attention in a big way a couple of weeks ago. Older children in CPS care have to sign a paper that states they understand their "rights". I know whey they do it...it is a protection against adults coming in and taking what should be the child's or bullying them into giving them something they shouldn't. But when that child then becomes a member of a family, the "rights" mentality is still there. And in a family, that doesn't work very well.

We were discussing this with Paizley over a certain issue. She was asking some questions, and John made a profound statement. He said, "When you came into this family, you lost all your rights as an individual. Now you are part of the family and the only right you have is to belong." Immediately I heard the Holy Spirit say, "And so it is in My family!" You see, when I accepted Christ as not only my Savior, by my Lord also, I laid down all my rights! I don't have a right to anything anymore....accept to belong! John went on to tell Paizley that belonging to a family has great advantages over being alone. You have the protection of a roof over your head, a place at a table to eat, the love of a family who only wants what is best for you.....and again the Holy Spirit, "And so it is with My family!" We don't have any "rights" as a follower of Christ, but we have so many blessings! We are heir to an entire kingdom! We are promised peace beyond what the human brain can comprehend (and this week that alone is reason to belong!!!!), a powerful King to always go to battle for us, a Savior who sits at the Right Hand of God Almighty and intercedes for us day and night.

When I look at it from that perspective, I will gladly lay down any "right" I have to an American dream and take hold of the blessings that are mine as a member of God's family....a daughter of the King of Kings!

Freedom from Food: Turning the Day Around

How are you FFF (Freedom from Food) ladies doing today? I know there are a handful of you at least walking this with me! Thank you!!!! As I told one of you this morning, just think, this time next year, we will not need Spanx or tummy flatteners because we will be walking in freedom from food and will have the bodies to show it!

So Monday went great! I had little to no temptation to eat what I shouldn't. Tuesday and Wednesday...well...not so much! The battle was on! I failed pretty miserably both days. John was out of town, so I had all 7 by myself along with some other issues I was struggling to deal with. So I walked back to what I'm used to comforting myself with..food!

Last night I had an amazing time with God and received some amazing teaching on authority and battling. So I was ready for the day! Hence my breakfast:

The way I check my eating right now is: is this nourishing your body or feeding your emotions? Food like chocolate, cake, coke, etc are not ever going to nourish my body, so that keeps me from eating those. So breakfast was an English Muffin with natural peanut butter, honey and banana. Yum!

But shortly after breakfast, my day turned south. An old wound reared its ugly head with new hurt. I immediately found myself roaming the kitchen. But determined to stay on track, I pulled out The Word and started slicing the enemy in half! I didn't eat anything, and I feel totally satisfied! Thank you, Jesus! So if you are struggling to turn your day around, get into The Word! Have your scripture cards ready....I have post it notes on the pantry to which Toben asks, "Mom why are there letters on our doors?" Perfect opportunity for my son to know his mom is not perfect but she is battling her way to victory!

Funny side note about victory....I got on the scale this morning (try to only do that once a week or so) and thought God was doing a MIGHTY work right there! It said I had lost 20 pounds this week! I was ready to give Him all the glory....then I looked down and realized the corner of the scale was on the carpet....moved the scale, re-weighed and got the real picture! No gain, but no loss either. Laughed at myself and told God that was good, I liked seeing those numbers on the scale and assured Him and me that they would be back again real soon....for real this time!

If your week hasn't gone perfect. If you've eaten when you shouldn't have or made a choice you wished you would've done better, its ok! There is NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. The next time you have to make a choice, choose obedience! Let the past be the past and move on! But DO. NOT. QUIT! I won't let you! And you can't let me either!

Freedom from Food: Some Practical Steps

Practical Step number 1: This is NOT a diet! I am not signing up for Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig or any other "program". I have nothing against any of those programs, and in fact have used Weight Watchers in the past and may again before all is said and done. But for me, right now, this is truly a spiritual issue! I must put God back on the throne of my heart where He instead of food belongs! When I'm stressed, I need to turn to Him, when I'm happy, I need to turn to Him, when I'm tired, I need to turn to Him - NOT food!

Before I say this next part, let me say it again: This is NOT a diet! But when you have an addiction to drugs or alcohol, you measure your success one day at a time by the number of days you are clean or sober. That is how you celebrate your victory. This is where food addiction gets tricky! I can't stop eating...well, I could, but I wouldn't last long! And this isn't about not eating! It's about putting food in its proper place....for nourishing my body, not my emotions. So how do we measure success and victory in overcoming a food addiction? When I've asked God this for myself (I won't say this is ALWAYS true and if you are battling food addiction would challenge you to ask God for yourself also), He clearly has given me the answer that when I'm not eating more than my body needs, I will lose weight. The extra weight is from the food I eat to feed my emotions and not my body.

I believe I experienced freedom from food when I was pregnant with Journey. It was amazing! Food did not have the hold on me it does now. I didn't think of eating every time I was overwhelmed or sad or angry or depressed. But somehow in the past 11 weeks, I've walked back into that prison cell, shut the door and hid the key! I know I was freed because I only gained 21 pounds during my pregnancy (as opposed to the 50 and 35 I gained with my other pregnancies), and I lost 30 pounds in three weeks after Journey's birth (as opposed to STILL carrying the baby weight from Both girls - for a total of 85 pounds of "baby weight"- who are now 11 and 5!) Can I tell you how good it felt to be 30 pounds lighter? Amazingly good! But over the past three weeks, the scale is creeping back up....that is a red flag in my life. And as I saw the pounds start to go back on, I analyzed my spiritual life. I started noticing that when I was overwhelmed, I opened the refrigerator or pantry and was looking for comfort. So for me the scale is what God has said I am to use as my "days clean" of addiction. It will be my pounds of victory! I don't have a magic number of pounds (although I will post soon about a goal). I just know that as I walk in victory in this area spiritually, my physical body will be transformed. I am a tangible person...I need a tangible thing to encourage me and to show me if I am successful or not. God has given me the pounds to do that in my freedom walk from food.

Practical Step Number 2: One thing that Beth Moore said on Saturday that was so encouraging was this: Can you do one day? Looking at losing a certain number of pounds, looking at overcoming an addiction just seems too overwhelming to even start. So I don't. But can you, can I, do just ONE day? Yes! I can do ONE day! I can make healthy choices and avoid stress eating for ONE day. I can put God first for ONE day! This is such a scriptural, "duh!" concept! Matthew 6:34 says it like this, "So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today." (NLT) Therefore practical step number 2 is: Just do it for TODAY!


Practical Step Number 3: Because this is not a diet, I'm not doing the programs for weight loss. But you better believe I better have a game plan! Weight Watchers and such have game plans for weight loss. Well, I have a game plan for freedom! The enemy doesn't want me to succeed at this! He is seeking to devour me. He comes that he might steal, kill and destroy. So you better believe without a game plan, I will fail.

Ephesians 6:13 says that we must "take up the full armor of God so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything to stand firm." So step number 3 is put on the full armor of God! The thing about the armor is that there is only one offensive piece...the sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God. So let's take up our swords! Get sticky notes and put scriptures that you can use when temptation comes to read out loud or speak out loud if you have it memorized so that the enemy has no choice but to RUN! Here are the ones that I am going to write out TODAY and put on my pantry door! If you have scriptures that you are using, please share!! We will build our arsenal together! You're going down satan!

Romans 12:1 "Present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship." (NASB)

Paslm 63:2,5 "I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory...I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods." (NIV)

Praying for all of you who have already posted here or on Facebook and shared that you are on this journey too! Never too late to join us!!!

Freedom from Food: The Beginning

The beginning is a very good place to start! I guess the true beginning is somewhere back in my childhood as early as 10 or 11. But this is a NEW beginning! Praise God He grants those as many times as we need them! I went to a Beth Moore Live event this weekend. It was a simulcast, so many of you may have "been" there too! Every nugget of truth I took from Beth said, God would apply to this issue in my life.

I am a food addict.

Took me years to figure that out and a few more years to admit it to anyone else! But here's the deal, God wants to heal me. He wants to free me from this addiction. He doesn't want me to walk in bondage to food any longer. Being addicted to food is no different than being addicted to alcohol, drugs, porn or any of the other "big" sins (let me clarify here - I know there is no "big" sin....just talking about how society views sin in levels....NOT God!). Food addiction just won't get you arrested and you can't stop cold turkey ~ and you wear food addiction for the world to see like a big scarlet A hanging around your neck.

Food addiction keeps me in just as much spiritual bondage, shame and sin as any of those other addictions would. Food has a place in my heart that belongs to God. I have been set free from my food addiction a couple of times in my life, I truly believe. Food lost its draw. But just like a prison cell door that has been opened, you have to walk through it and out of the prison to be free! And to remain in freedom, you can't turn around and walk right back into that cell because it was what you knew or maybe even more comfortable. I think of my dogs and how they want in their kennel at night when its time to go to bed. They are actually asking to be locked up...why? Because it feels safe to them. And so it is with us many times with the prison cells we have been locked in for years.

But we are deceived! Being in the clutches of the enemy is never safe! The only safety can be found in walking in obedience and relationship with Jesus!

So why blog about this? Well, I asked myself the same question when I was sitting in the seat in the auditorium and felt God saying to get serious and take others with me via my blog. Really, God? Blog about this? Blog about something I don't want to admit to myself, much less all the people who read my blog? And God's answer, why wouldn't you? I quickly reminded him of all the hurtful comments I have gotten over the years on my blog about issues way less personal to me than this one! But God knew in my heart of hearts that my life's desire is to help women to be in close relationship with God and see them mature spiritually. I really have nothing to offer...I'm no Beth Moore! I don't have the amazing knowledge of the Bible that she does..I have a hard time memorizing a single scripture. But I do have a story. I have a story of how God is telling me to get free. I have a story of how many times I have failed to do that. I have a story that is tattered with the wounds brought on by this particular battle in my life. I have a story filled with fear that my story won't have a different ending this time! And God said, share your story!

And that is why I'm sharing! I'm hoping God is asking me to do that because someone else is struggling with this same issue or a similar one, and you need someone to walk with you or to just read words that let you know you're not alone! I'll tell you, my biggest fear with sharing this is I have never really welcomed accountability in this area of my life. I kind of like to handle it on my own so if it doesn't work out I can just pretend I never tried, never heard God say anything about it. Well, the cat's out of the bag! And now, I have just a few accountability partners out there who will be watching me...even if I quit blogging, it wont be hard to SEE if I'm walking in freedom or bondage!

If you are struggling with an addiction - any addiction - and are ready to walk in freedom, let's go! Slip on some boots (I'm from Texas, remember!), and let's start walking! I've got my arm bent with my elbow out ready to link up with you - let's walk out of these prison cells ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!!

I will label all of my posts about this struggle with "Freedom from Food" so you can always find them if you click on that label on the side of my blog. If you are going to walk with me, please comment! You don't have to share what your addiction is, but I would love to know someone has linked arms with me and is walking this way too? If you are my Facebook friend, will you comment on the blog instead of Facebook so that those who are not on Facebook can know you are walking with them too? If you don't have a blog and Facebook is the only way you can comment, then go for it! At least I'll know I'm not walking this alone!

Let's go gals! As we say in Texas, these boots were made for walking!!!

They Wait Wednesday

I was not at my computer long enough yesterday to make a post, so I'm a day late for "They Wait Wednesday"! But here is a young man who needs a forever home! This is Cody and he is 12.

They have redone TARE and there is not much information on any of the kids now. His says, "I love to spend time with family and work hard to be the best." You can see his entire profile here.

Cody has a special connection to our family as he was in the foster home with Paizley that she live in before moving here. Cody needs a special family that will love him no matter what, forever and always! He has had some disappointments in adoption and needs a family that is fully committed to being there for him...forever!

If you think you might be that family, please e-mail me! He has the same adoption worker as Paizley did and she is AMAZING! If you are interested, we can get more information. And I'm sure Paizley would be happy to share. She has told me he is a really sweet boy who really wants a family. Could you be that dream come true for him?

There are plenty more waiting...check out the TARE website or AdoptUsKids for more who need homes!

They Wait Wednesday

This week, I am featuring a handsome boy by the name of Will. He is 14 and you can read more about him here. The TARE website has been redone and there is less information than before, but you can get a glimpse into Will to see if he would be a fit for your family. His profile says he likes to attend church!

If you are interested in Will, please fill out the form at the top of his page on TARE. If you don't receive a response in a week or so, let me know and I will see if I can track down his worker and get more information. These kiddos need a home and to quote Karyn Purvis, "no child has been hurt to the point they can't be made whole!" And if adoption isn't something you feel called to do, would you pray for Will and his family...pray that God would get them together quickly! Let me know if I can help!

Being a Bulldog

There is a woman I greatly admire who told me one morning at coffee that she saw me as a bulldog - when I get a hold of something, I latch on and don't let go. She meant it in a good way....meaning when a fight comes along for my family or my faith, I don't give up. The funny part is when she told me that, I felt much more like a weenie dog! I had lost all desire to "fight" and all faith that fighting would even get me anywhere but worn out.

Funny the things God uses to bring you out of pits! Those words that she probably didn't think mattered much have played over and over again in my head as I have clawed my way out of the pit I was in! If someone who doesn't even know me that well can see the fighter in me, then why would I lay down and let the enemy have me, my future and most importantly, my family?! This bulldog had let her guard down and was snoozing with the drool coming out her jowls while the enemy was having a field day with my family! And that's all it takes....just falling asleep. Satan doesn't have to actively pursue us or get in our business. If we fall asleep on our watch, especially us women who are charged with keeping our home and building up our husbands, then satan just sits back and watches as we and our families destroy ourselves.

We are by nature sinful (Psalm 51:5, 58:3; Ephesians 2:3). If left to our natural desires, we will destroy ourselves, and so will our husbands, and so will our children. God has reminded me of this so many times over the past few weeks! He has shown me again and again the fight that is ensuing for my family. I can't make the decisions for my children or my husband, but I CAN war for them! I can get on my knees and pray that God would protect them, that He would remove temptations, that He would strengthen their faith, etc, etc before they even get out of bed in the morning. And when I don't do that, I have fallen asleep on my watch!

Well, this bulldog has woken up, shaken off the drool and latched on to the things trying to destroy my family! And I'm not only latched on, I'm shaking my head! When I finally let go of these things, they are going to know not to mess with me or my family again! This bulldog is back on guard and no one goes down on my watch! Come on all you moms and wives! Get your bulldog on! Latch on and shake with me! Together we will take back what is already ours!

They Wait Wednesday

As you know if you are a blog follower, God has turned our hearts to home! I am passionate about finding homes for the children who wait in our foster system simply because they do not have a family who has stepped up to adopt them. This is a travesty! John and I visited a local emergency shelter this time last year, and I was forever changed. The need was overwhelming and right in my own back yard. We changed the direction of not only our own personal lives, but the agenda of Addy's Hope as well. We do not have our CPS contract with Addy's Hope yet, but that doesn't mean I can't start advocating for these children! It only takes thinking of where my Paizley would be had we not found her on TARE to know that these children need exposure to families who might hear God's call to rescue an orphan! And 8 months in, I can say that it is both the hardest and most rewarding thing I have ever done to take in a teenager! So every Wednesday, I will feature a new child or sibling group that is ready to be adopted..simply waiting for a family. Not everyone is called to adopt, but everyone can stop and say a prayer for these children and for the family that God has already ordained for them. Please pray that their family finds them quickly and that they are surrounded with an amazing foster family and people who love them in the mean time. A good foster family is vital for these children and their upcoming adoption.....we can testify to that from our own experience! These children are relinquished and legally ready for immediate adoption. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO FOSTER TO ADOPT THESE CHILDREN.

This Wednesday's sibling group has a special place in our hearts! You can read about them here.

When we started the foster licensing process a little over two years ago now, I found this group (at that time it was a group of 6 as the two older brothers were still part of the group). We pursued the adoption of the group of 6 for several months. We even had contractors coming out to see if we could add on to our house to have plenty of room! But God shut the doors. A couple months ago I was browsing the TARE website and saw they had put them back on the photo listing without the two oldest brothers! You can read their profile and tell that they are really great kids! If you don't think they are for you, then please pray for them and their family and that they would be united very soon! You can ask for more information on the website. If you don't get a response, let me know and I will be happy to pursue the information for you through the social workers! Together, we can empty the foster system of waiting children...one child at a time!