5K, 40 and what God taught me!

That's me as I crossed the FINISH line!!! I did it!  If you know me, you now that the fact that I put my arms up as I ran by John when he snapped this picture tells you what was going on inside of me!  There were other people watching, and I would never have done that, but what was going on inside came bubbling out as I passed him and Journey and knew that self doubt for the journey of health and wellness were defeated forever!

It was AMAZING!  It will definitely go down as one of the biggies as a stone of remembrance in my spiritual walk.  In fact, literally every part of the 5K was a lesson!  God talked to me the entire time making spiritual comparisons to what was happening physically.  By the end of the race, I was just praying God would help me recall all he told me when I could sit down to write it all out.  Just before my last push to the end, God said to write it all down and be ready to share it! So if you have a women's event coming up and need a speaker, I would love to come share what God showed me about running the race of life through this journey! 

Can I just tell you that I would have quit so many times if not for making a big deal about it here and on my Facebook page?!  By the time the race got here that morning, I was scared to death!  I know it sounds silly and totally illogical, but aren't most of our fears and strongholds the enemy has us trapped in?!  I pushed through those only because I had accountability to those who had spoken words of confidence over me, and I was not going to let them or my family down by not going through with it.  They said go, I start jogging and about 10 yards in, I start feeling like my legs are lead, I need to go to the bathroom, and I think I will puke any second!  I am not even .10 miles into this thing!!  How will I ever finish and finish strong?!  But I keep going.  After that initial panic was over, I realized it is just like the enemy to give one last ditch effort to keep us from victory! I had ran almost .70 miles in training, but .1 into the race that would defeat the devil, he plays mind games with me to make me stop the race!  Wow! How many victories have I missed because the last leg of the journey was harder than I expected or the enemy simply psyched me out and I quit?!

I didn't run the whole thing..in fact, I didn't ever run as far at one time as I had in training.  But my goal was to finish, and not be last.  I met that goal..and actually had my best personal time!  I finished in 46 minutes and 30 something seconds!  But way more important than the time was finishing with freedom!  Seriously, for anyone who has not been in spiritual warfare or been on a journey to break a generational stronghold, this will sound crazy.  It won't be the first...and I am sure not the last..time I am called crazy!  I knew since deciding to do the 5K that when I crossed the finish line I would be doing something in the natural that would release the spiritual freedom I needed to finally walk in health and wellness.  The self-doubt and whatever else you call what kept me eating poorly and "settling" for this life would be done!  I was a weeping mess even before I got to the starting line!  Part of that was fear too! I had a friend encouraging me.  I laughed because she said, you have fought African governments for children, this race has nothing to scare you!  Funny isn't it, the things we let fear get a grip of in our life?! I knew I wanted to run (ok jog....as my FB friends know I don't really run!  Someone posted something that said my running looks like a herd of turtles running through peanut buttern and that's me!) across the finish line! I had a plan.  I had never taken the time to get good running music, so the night before I had downloaded Mandisa's knew album.  GREAT running music!  Maybe not the fastest tempo, but the words to two of her songs could not have been more appropriate! There was one song, Pres On, that I knew would push me over the finish line strong.  So I had a plan to switch my music to that song right as I start my sprint (ok, really fast walk/jog, but I can dream, can't I?!) to the end.  I turned the corner...I set my music, and I picked up the pace! And then, my phone does crazy stuff and switches songs every second or two! Ugh! NO!!!! So I go back to a walk, put it on Press On, and pick it up again.  Same thing! Ugh!!!!  Really, God?!  Now?!  I need this to get past that line up there!  I try one more time....same thing! Forget it!  I take off letting the crazy phone do it's thing! About 10 seconds later, I am smiling from ear to ear because it lands on Dance, Dance, Dance!  I knew it wasn' t a coincidence!  God had just given me the biggest hug possible!  You see, when that album came out YEARS ago, I would sing that song dreaming of being free from the bondage of weight and food addiction.  Mandisa wrote it on her journey through the same thing.  I would sing it as a prayer more than a celebration because I wasn't there yet!  But here, when I was walking out in the physical what I knew God was doing in the spiritual, my phone switches to this:
Maybe you don't understand why I gotta dance
There was something had me down but it's over now
I'm a throw my hands up
Wave 'em all in the air
'Cause all I wanna do is dance, dance, dance

They told me you ain't good enough
Don't look good enough
Don't sing good enough
Maybe you should give it up
And if I would've then I never could've received
None of the things that He planned for me
So I waited a little longer
Grew a little stronger and then
I realized something was happening
It's so incredible, it's unexplainable
You oughta try Him for yourself and see because

[Chorus]

Sometimes I think about
How it used to be, and can't help but
Remembering how it was never easy for me, no, no
But the way God works, it's so amazing
He never forgot me, I can't forget Him
That's enough for me to lift my hands and
I'm sorry if you don't understand

[Chorus]

All my tears (it's over now)
And all my pain (it's over now)
All my doubts (it's over now)
They went away (it's over now)
No more fear (it's over now)
And I'm glad (it's over now)
Yes, so glad
'Cause all I wanna do is dance

Wow! If I could have breathed enough, I would've literally danced across the finish line!  It was just confirmation of what I already knew!  I was now walking in freedom and VICTORY!!!!!  Friends, to borrow the words of Mandisa, you really oughta try him for yourself and see!!! If you don't know Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior, please e-mail (hollyann@addyshope.com) me! I would love to talk to you more about the freedom you can have!

Oh...and 40, well it's looking FABULOUS!

Already off the wagon - but not staying there!

Trained two days, then skipped three days! Ugh! I told you I was committed to the good, the bad, and the ugly on here!  That's ugly! 


It seemed everything worked against me this week...sick kids, extra work load...but that's just it.  In this season, there will not be a "convenient" time for getting healthy.  I am going to have to fight for the time to run/exercise.  I am going to have to carve out time to cook and shop healthy.  It has to take priority!  I can't have the "later" mentality....like, I'll run later today.  First thing in the morning before the rest of my world comes to life is going to have to be my time for exercise.  
I know the battle is still raging because at one point yesterday the despair of trying and failing so many times came back with overwhelming force! You know that, "You failed again, you might as well just quit" voice. Followed by "You'll never be anything other than what you are right now."  Well, that's just a lie!  The enemy wants to keep me in a state of despair and defeat!  
Part of maturing in my walk with Christ and in particularly in my awareness of the spiritual realm and what it means in my daily walk is recognizing attacks for what they are and fighting back with the weapons of warfare.  Second Corinthians 10 tell us that even though we walk in the flesh, we don't war with weapons of the flesh.  We have to fight with the weapons of spiritual warfare that are "divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses." We are not fighting things of this world.  So fighting with things we "see" will do no good.  This chapter continues to tell us, "We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God."  That's it! We are fighting against those things we have believed - like I am a failure at exercising and getting healthy!  A text came in yesterday that sent me in a tail spin toward depression.  It might as well have been signed, "love, Satan"!  It was directly from him to put another brick in the fortress of the stronghold of the lies he wants me to believe about my ability to handle all that is in my life right now.  But when I realize it was a fiery dart sent from the enemy, I can stop the spiral with the Truth!  Looking back at the circumstances surrounding the babies coming to live with us (something we never sought out, but God lit each step of the path...steps we didn't even know were there!)...how He orchestrated the move and blessed us in so many ways along that path, when I stop and look at those Truths along with Philippians 4:13 that promises I can do anything as long as it is God strengthening me to do it, I can know there is hope. And I know that I am on the path God has asked me to walk even if it seems crazy to most everyone else, and I do what 2 Corinthians 10 says we do with our weapons of warfare, "we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ!" 
As soon as I stopped, hit my knees, cried out, started repeating out loud (my kids are used to it now and only occasionally ask me if I've lost my mind) these Truths, the despair lifted! The hope returned.  Nothing about my circumstances changed one bit.  It was all fought and won in my mind!  
It's the same with any stronghold that has a grip on you and is keeping you from walking in complete freedom and victory in Christ!  First we have to ask if there is any sin that is allowing the enemy access to us in this area.  If there is, we have to stop, and repent.  That means turn and go the other way!  God's forgiveness is complete and total!  That sin is gone.  Now you have to replace the hole left by that sin in your mind with Truth!  The enemy will desperately try to keep you in bondage even after you have stopped sinning.  And sometimes, there is no sin.  It's just the words of another or a generational bondage that has been passed down through your family.  Whatever it is, the answer is the same.....use scripture to deflect the arrow of lies that the enemy uses to build the stronghold.  With every Truth you believe, a brick of the wall falls. 
I've known the tools for years, but I am just now learning how to recognize the battle immediately and put the tools to use!  It is energizing and brings so much hope!  When you realize the enemy truly has no power over you than what you give him, you start recognizing when you've given him power and you TAKE. IT. BACK!
So, today, I will run!  I will not buy the lie that I can't do it.  I will not buy the lie that this time will be the same as all times before.  And I will not buy the lie that my life is too much to handle! And I pray for anyone reading this who is battling lies keeping them in a stronghold that Holy Spirit will speak Truth over you that you can cling to and tear down your stronghold as well!  
For if the Son makes you free, you are free indeed! (John 8:36)

5K - It's more than a run!

So the kids brought this home on Monday.

In most stories where weight has been a life long battle, you hear of the "one defining moment" when that person who has not overcome the weight battle decides no matter what, it's done! I have always wondered if that moment would come for me.  I've battled it my entire life!  I would see a picture of myself and think, Wow! That's what I look like? But still didn't stick to a battle plan.  Pretty sure seeing this card that was delivered by my sweet Ava will go down in history as my defining moment.  When I looked down and saw the date.....December 14....something in me clicked! That's my 40th birthday.  I had determined on my birthday last year that I would not enter the next decade as unhealthy as I am now.  I would enter the new decade lighter and more able to carry out all my daily life requires of me.  Little did I know the demands of my daily life would just about double over this year between the move and that babies coming to live with us.  With all the added responsibility and time demands, I struggled to find time for any type of exercise.  And without the exercise, I know weight loss is not going to happen for me.  That would start a vicious cycle of not eating right because it wasn't worth it if I couldn't exercise.  Then there is just the fact of eating right takes planning ahead! All of it just seemed like an insurmountable mountain!

But when I stared at that date realizing it is just a little over a month away...and while I am a few pounds under where I was on December 14 of last year, I am nowhere near where I want to be!

But it's more than weight! It's more than being healthy! For me, this is a spiritual battle.  I am not saying this for everyone who struggles with weight, but for me, it is an area of bondage.  And frankly, I am sick of being in bondage to this! Jesus went to the cross to set me FREE! If I am in bondage, it's because I am believing the lies the enemy throws at me.  The only bondage I can be in is the one I willingly remain in.  Well, this prisoner is busting through the gates!

I am two days in.  I have run for two days, now. I didn't run this morning because Journey is sick and was up most of the night..so the enemy is already taunting me with failing.  Well, devil, the Day. Ain't. Over!  I will run tonight!

Even in my runs, I am finding freedom!  I put on praise music or sermons while I run/walk.  If anyone were to follow me, I am sure they would pretty much think I have lost my mind!  I pray out loud when I have enough air to do it.  I declare that victory is mine!  Each time my foot goes down on the cement..sometimes heavier than others when I am about to the end of my running time....I envision the enemy right there, under my foot!  With each step I take I am running farther and farther from my prison cell!  And it's exhilarating! Who needs drugs when you have Jesus?!

So I am taking you on this journey with me! I am making a promise to post the good, the bad and the ugly! Not because I am all excited about putting it out there, but because I know everyone that walks this earth is in bondage to something!  And for those of us who have areas that we have tried to break free from all our lives, the chains feel too heavy to carry much less break free from!  But because of tools I have been given by people wiser and further in their walk in Christ than me, I now have the tools to break the chains...no matter how thick!  I want EVERYONE to have these tools! The church of America has not taught these over the past many years!
And you see, my "prison" is literally worn on my body! I have felt at times like it is the scarlet "A" hanging around my neck!  I have a dream to one day stand before women as a motivational speaker/teacher or stand before adoptive parents to encourage them in the battles of loving children from abuse and neglect.  When I stand there, I want to stand in freedom!  Don't hear me say that I wouldn't do it right now at the weight I am, I would! But I want freedom in ALL areas!  I want ALL God has for me!  And I want to stand as a representation of freedom in Christ in all areas!  I want to reflect God in the best way I can! And I don't do that at the weigh I am right now.

So it's time to take back the temple! This time, I don't stop until I reach the goal.  For today, the goal is a 5K where I will cross the finish line at the fastest pace I can on the day I enter my 4th decade marking a new season in life where the enemy has no more power over me in this area!

Freedom from Food: Tools for the Journey

I haven't blogged much about the freedom from food lately because there hasn't been much to blog...except frustration. The pounds haven't fallen off, there a few more added instead. I have prayed and believed and begged and God has been faithful to provide not only answers, but help!

I still believe He has freed me from food. I don't have the addiction or the tendency to run to food for my comfort that I did have. However, I do have habits. I do have set ways that have to be broken. The freedom is here, but now He has to teach me how to walk in it.

I had posted on Facebook a few weeks ago asking my health conscious friends for one or two things they would do if they were wanting to start feeding their families in a more healthy way. One friend sent me a text with a number for a friend who is a CHRISTIAN, a nutritionist and personal trainer. I made the call and she sent me her information on what she offers. I was excited. Then I wasn't. First, obviously she doesn't do this for free. Money is tight. The things I thought we could afford and would be helpful for the entire family, John wasn't really very excited about. So I kind of dropped it.

But as the weight hasn't fallen off and the jeans got a little tighter, I became very discouraged. My freedom from food is tied to many things for me! It is a complicated issue. Losing the weight represents so many things in my spiritual life for me. So when it seems to be just out of my reach, the enemy has a field day with it and convinces me I will never be free in this are or any other and then proceeds to convince me that God doesn't mean anything He says. And that snowball just keep rolling down the hill getting bigger and bigger and faster and faster until it just about takes me over!

Then God shows up! I am not even sure I was praying about it at the time, but a thought dropped into my mind a couple weeks ago. When I lost all my weight in college, I did it with the help of a food journal and a dietitian. She held me accountable with the food log and gave me menu and food ideas for the week ahead. The fog about what I needed to do to walk out of this prison cell of food bondage lifted immediately and what I knew I needed came so easily. I needed accountability and a plan! God spoke to my heart that my struggles with food right now are not in rebellion or from a misplaced worship or loyalty. The struggles are from old habits that I have to break and truly not having a plan for healthy eating. God has told me from the beginning that "programs" are not for me right now because I need to make sure I deal with the spiritual issues. I have even had a family member offer to pay for my hcg shots to do the hcg diet! That was an interesting conversation! :) But God has said a very clear NO to anything like that. But at the same time, doing this alone hasn't worked so well the past 12 years!

With my new clarity, I sat down and wrote a fairly lengthy e-mail to the nutritionist I had talked with previously. I kindly explained that I had looked over her programs and there were not any that I really felt fit what I needed and spelled out what I had heard God tell me I needed. She took awhile to respond as it was during the busy holiday season, but when I got her response, I was overjoyed! Not only was she excited about helping, but the fee she put with the assistance was totally doable even on our tight budget!!!

So January 6, we have our first meeting, and we will meet every other week. I can't wait! I can't wait to be equipped to walk in the freedom that I know is already mine! I will have a plan for each meal and each snack so that old habits or lack of time do not take over and force me to grab the nearest, quickest and usually unhealthy food available as I run out the door or move on to the next kiddo needing my attention! And my entire family will benefit. They don't know it yet, and probably are not going to be entirely thrilled about it, but it will be good for them too!

Freedom from Food: 40 Days

There are so many blog posts rattling around in my head...but no time to sit and get them out here! This is a rare moment when babies are asleep, Paizley is at work and the rest of the kids are at a movie with John's parents. And thanks to the help of my amazing friend Elizabeth, my house is clean, so I'm going to get this post out of my head and down here in print!

Several weeks ago, God told me to fast from meat and sweets. I started several times only to talk myself out of it when it got hard. I really don't understand fasting except to know that it is a spiritual discipline that we are expected to partake in when told to do so. And that with each fast I do, I learn a little more about what it does for me and my relationship with God....especially in the battle with food addiction. I wasn't talking myself out of the fast because I didn't want to obey, but I couldn't really get my mind around why I would be fasting from just meat and sweets or what purpose this fast was serving. I'm one of those children who needs to know "why"! I am mature enough to realize God doesn't have to answer the "why", and I'm still accountable to walk in obedience, but this time, He was gracious enough to know my unspoken request to know why and gave it to me!

40 days ago, I was reading the two devotions that I get every day: Proverbs 31 and David Wilkerson. The two were on nothing similar, but God took both of them and lead me right where I needed to be! The Proverbs 31 was on discipline and the David Wilkerson was on unbelief. David talked about how unbelief is the underlying sin of most sin and disobedience. He hit the nail on the head with me! I had just spent some time wrestling with God over some issues of unbelief. But then the Proverbs 31 was on discipline and took me to Hebrews 12: 11-13.

For the time being no discipline brings joy, but seems grievous and painful; but afterwards it yields a peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it [a harvest of fruit which consists in righteousness--in conformity to God's will in purpose, thought, and action, resulting in right living and right standing with God]. So then, brace up and reinvigorate and set right your slackened and weakened and drooping hands and strengthen your feeble and palsied and tottering knees, and cut through and make firm and plain and smooth, straight paths for your feet [yes, make them safe and upright and happy paths that go in the right direction], so that the lame and halting [limbs] may not be put out of joint, but rather may be cured. (Amplified version)

God immediately spoke that the fast from sweets and meat was discipline. It was God correcting in me the idolatry of food in my life. He was putting me straight! I thought a fast should be warm and fuzzy and bring me these feelings of closeness to God. But God was showing me that this fast would not be warm and fuzzy because it was discipline. In fact, it will be grievous and painful at times. One version even said sorrowful to mind and body. BUT....in the end, when I had been trained by it, I would yield fruit of righteousness....a harvest of fruit which will bring me into conformity to God's will in purpose, thought, and action resulting in right living and right standing with God! Praise Jesus!!!! That is exactly where I want to be! And my love of food has blocked that so many times in my life! I immediately had not only a purpose for the fast, but a hope like I haven't had in a long time of breaking the bondage of addiction to food!

This is what David Wilkerson then had to say about unbelief:
"Unbelief today is as destructive as it ever was. We may not turn into a pillar of salt, but we do become stiff-necked and bitter! The ground does not open up to swallow us, but we are swallowed by troubles, stress and family problems. Fire does not come down and consume us, but our spiritual life is destroyed."
How could this man whom I have never met have just described perfectly the condition of my life?
But God didn't even stop there! He went on! I love Beth Moore's Praying God's Word and use it often. God reminded me of her section on Unbelief and prompted me to once again read her narrative before the scripture prayers. I've read this tens of times over the years, but it was like reading it for the first time as God used this to speak directly to me about the 40 day fast! Here is the deal. I had sat down the night God showed me all this to ask Him where He was in two major times in my life that I felt He had let me down. I was wrestling with moving forward in belief and faith in any are of my life with these two doubts looming over my head! As I asked God for answers to those times, he took me to unbelief. These two events had left me with so much doubt about God. They left me with so many fears that walking in faith would always end badly. I wanted to believe, but every time I would try to move forward, the enemy would bring up these two particular events. As I read what Beth Moore had to say, it all became clear! God was asking me to fast these 40 days from meat and sweets because He was not only disciplining me, but He was breaking loose all the bondage food had on me, but even greater than that, He wanted to free me from unbelief! Beth Moore says, "Believing God is never more critical than when we have strongholds that need to be demolished. Believing God is also rarely more challenging...But you can't just believe in Him to be free from your stronghold. You must believe Him. Believe He can do what He says He can do. Believe you can do what He says you can do. Believe He is who He says He is. And believe you are who He says you are." Wow! That's what I needed right there! I didn't believe any of those statements, and God wanted to seal this deal for ever!

I began journaling based on the words from Hebrews 12 and then Beth's commentary on unbelief. This is what I journaled that night 40 days ago:

"During the 40 days I will be taking a new grip with my tired hands, strengthening my knees (what I use to walk where God shows) and will have a clear path - boundaries for my feet so on my bad days (when I am weak) I will not fall (fail - turn to food again, because there are no boundaries since food, unlike alcohol or drugs is necessary for life). Then the limb which is lame - my unbelief - will be healed."

I was so excited! I was nearly dancing around the sunroom in praise! Then I heard God's voice and I wrote:

"At the end of 40 days, you will be healed, delivered, free! The 100 lbs will come off - you will hit your goal of (He gave me a number which even in my transparency am not comfortable sharing with the world! LOL!)." Then I heard as clearly as I have ever heard God....almost audible
NEVER DOUBT ME AGAIN

And so the 40 day journey began.

The spiritual battles and the weariness of the last 40 days have been insane, but I have not wavered in my belief. The fast is complete at midnight tonight...and I am expecting big things! I know my chains of addiction to food are going to fall off, and my unbelief will be behind me! There are really no words to describe the journey of the past 40 days or the excitement or thankfulness I have for what God has shown me during this fast. God has taken me through scripture after scripture in the Bible where He did something so someone would believe or would have faith. I know that what I will witness in the days and weeks to come will be a stone of remembrance in my life as a time when my belief and faith were increased beyond what they have ever been before!

Freedom from Food: Turning the Day Around

How are you FFF (Freedom from Food) ladies doing today? I know there are a handful of you at least walking this with me! Thank you!!!! As I told one of you this morning, just think, this time next year, we will not need Spanx or tummy flatteners because we will be walking in freedom from food and will have the bodies to show it!

So Monday went great! I had little to no temptation to eat what I shouldn't. Tuesday and Wednesday...well...not so much! The battle was on! I failed pretty miserably both days. John was out of town, so I had all 7 by myself along with some other issues I was struggling to deal with. So I walked back to what I'm used to comforting myself with..food!

Last night I had an amazing time with God and received some amazing teaching on authority and battling. So I was ready for the day! Hence my breakfast:

The way I check my eating right now is: is this nourishing your body or feeding your emotions? Food like chocolate, cake, coke, etc are not ever going to nourish my body, so that keeps me from eating those. So breakfast was an English Muffin with natural peanut butter, honey and banana. Yum!

But shortly after breakfast, my day turned south. An old wound reared its ugly head with new hurt. I immediately found myself roaming the kitchen. But determined to stay on track, I pulled out The Word and started slicing the enemy in half! I didn't eat anything, and I feel totally satisfied! Thank you, Jesus! So if you are struggling to turn your day around, get into The Word! Have your scripture cards ready....I have post it notes on the pantry to which Toben asks, "Mom why are there letters on our doors?" Perfect opportunity for my son to know his mom is not perfect but she is battling her way to victory!

Funny side note about victory....I got on the scale this morning (try to only do that once a week or so) and thought God was doing a MIGHTY work right there! It said I had lost 20 pounds this week! I was ready to give Him all the glory....then I looked down and realized the corner of the scale was on the carpet....moved the scale, re-weighed and got the real picture! No gain, but no loss either. Laughed at myself and told God that was good, I liked seeing those numbers on the scale and assured Him and me that they would be back again real soon....for real this time!

If your week hasn't gone perfect. If you've eaten when you shouldn't have or made a choice you wished you would've done better, its ok! There is NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. The next time you have to make a choice, choose obedience! Let the past be the past and move on! But DO. NOT. QUIT! I won't let you! And you can't let me either!

Freedom from Food: Some Practical Steps

Practical Step number 1: This is NOT a diet! I am not signing up for Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig or any other "program". I have nothing against any of those programs, and in fact have used Weight Watchers in the past and may again before all is said and done. But for me, right now, this is truly a spiritual issue! I must put God back on the throne of my heart where He instead of food belongs! When I'm stressed, I need to turn to Him, when I'm happy, I need to turn to Him, when I'm tired, I need to turn to Him - NOT food!

Before I say this next part, let me say it again: This is NOT a diet! But when you have an addiction to drugs or alcohol, you measure your success one day at a time by the number of days you are clean or sober. That is how you celebrate your victory. This is where food addiction gets tricky! I can't stop eating...well, I could, but I wouldn't last long! And this isn't about not eating! It's about putting food in its proper place....for nourishing my body, not my emotions. So how do we measure success and victory in overcoming a food addiction? When I've asked God this for myself (I won't say this is ALWAYS true and if you are battling food addiction would challenge you to ask God for yourself also), He clearly has given me the answer that when I'm not eating more than my body needs, I will lose weight. The extra weight is from the food I eat to feed my emotions and not my body.

I believe I experienced freedom from food when I was pregnant with Journey. It was amazing! Food did not have the hold on me it does now. I didn't think of eating every time I was overwhelmed or sad or angry or depressed. But somehow in the past 11 weeks, I've walked back into that prison cell, shut the door and hid the key! I know I was freed because I only gained 21 pounds during my pregnancy (as opposed to the 50 and 35 I gained with my other pregnancies), and I lost 30 pounds in three weeks after Journey's birth (as opposed to STILL carrying the baby weight from Both girls - for a total of 85 pounds of "baby weight"- who are now 11 and 5!) Can I tell you how good it felt to be 30 pounds lighter? Amazingly good! But over the past three weeks, the scale is creeping back up....that is a red flag in my life. And as I saw the pounds start to go back on, I analyzed my spiritual life. I started noticing that when I was overwhelmed, I opened the refrigerator or pantry and was looking for comfort. So for me the scale is what God has said I am to use as my "days clean" of addiction. It will be my pounds of victory! I don't have a magic number of pounds (although I will post soon about a goal). I just know that as I walk in victory in this area spiritually, my physical body will be transformed. I am a tangible person...I need a tangible thing to encourage me and to show me if I am successful or not. God has given me the pounds to do that in my freedom walk from food.

Practical Step Number 2: One thing that Beth Moore said on Saturday that was so encouraging was this: Can you do one day? Looking at losing a certain number of pounds, looking at overcoming an addiction just seems too overwhelming to even start. So I don't. But can you, can I, do just ONE day? Yes! I can do ONE day! I can make healthy choices and avoid stress eating for ONE day. I can put God first for ONE day! This is such a scriptural, "duh!" concept! Matthew 6:34 says it like this, "So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today." (NLT) Therefore practical step number 2 is: Just do it for TODAY!


Practical Step Number 3: Because this is not a diet, I'm not doing the programs for weight loss. But you better believe I better have a game plan! Weight Watchers and such have game plans for weight loss. Well, I have a game plan for freedom! The enemy doesn't want me to succeed at this! He is seeking to devour me. He comes that he might steal, kill and destroy. So you better believe without a game plan, I will fail.

Ephesians 6:13 says that we must "take up the full armor of God so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything to stand firm." So step number 3 is put on the full armor of God! The thing about the armor is that there is only one offensive piece...the sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God. So let's take up our swords! Get sticky notes and put scriptures that you can use when temptation comes to read out loud or speak out loud if you have it memorized so that the enemy has no choice but to RUN! Here are the ones that I am going to write out TODAY and put on my pantry door! If you have scriptures that you are using, please share!! We will build our arsenal together! You're going down satan!

Romans 12:1 "Present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship." (NASB)

Paslm 63:2,5 "I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory...I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods." (NIV)

Praying for all of you who have already posted here or on Facebook and shared that you are on this journey too! Never too late to join us!!!

Freedom from Food: The Beginning

The beginning is a very good place to start! I guess the true beginning is somewhere back in my childhood as early as 10 or 11. But this is a NEW beginning! Praise God He grants those as many times as we need them! I went to a Beth Moore Live event this weekend. It was a simulcast, so many of you may have "been" there too! Every nugget of truth I took from Beth said, God would apply to this issue in my life.

I am a food addict.

Took me years to figure that out and a few more years to admit it to anyone else! But here's the deal, God wants to heal me. He wants to free me from this addiction. He doesn't want me to walk in bondage to food any longer. Being addicted to food is no different than being addicted to alcohol, drugs, porn or any of the other "big" sins (let me clarify here - I know there is no "big" sin....just talking about how society views sin in levels....NOT God!). Food addiction just won't get you arrested and you can't stop cold turkey ~ and you wear food addiction for the world to see like a big scarlet A hanging around your neck.

Food addiction keeps me in just as much spiritual bondage, shame and sin as any of those other addictions would. Food has a place in my heart that belongs to God. I have been set free from my food addiction a couple of times in my life, I truly believe. Food lost its draw. But just like a prison cell door that has been opened, you have to walk through it and out of the prison to be free! And to remain in freedom, you can't turn around and walk right back into that cell because it was what you knew or maybe even more comfortable. I think of my dogs and how they want in their kennel at night when its time to go to bed. They are actually asking to be locked up...why? Because it feels safe to them. And so it is with us many times with the prison cells we have been locked in for years.

But we are deceived! Being in the clutches of the enemy is never safe! The only safety can be found in walking in obedience and relationship with Jesus!

So why blog about this? Well, I asked myself the same question when I was sitting in the seat in the auditorium and felt God saying to get serious and take others with me via my blog. Really, God? Blog about this? Blog about something I don't want to admit to myself, much less all the people who read my blog? And God's answer, why wouldn't you? I quickly reminded him of all the hurtful comments I have gotten over the years on my blog about issues way less personal to me than this one! But God knew in my heart of hearts that my life's desire is to help women to be in close relationship with God and see them mature spiritually. I really have nothing to offer...I'm no Beth Moore! I don't have the amazing knowledge of the Bible that she does..I have a hard time memorizing a single scripture. But I do have a story. I have a story of how God is telling me to get free. I have a story of how many times I have failed to do that. I have a story that is tattered with the wounds brought on by this particular battle in my life. I have a story filled with fear that my story won't have a different ending this time! And God said, share your story!

And that is why I'm sharing! I'm hoping God is asking me to do that because someone else is struggling with this same issue or a similar one, and you need someone to walk with you or to just read words that let you know you're not alone! I'll tell you, my biggest fear with sharing this is I have never really welcomed accountability in this area of my life. I kind of like to handle it on my own so if it doesn't work out I can just pretend I never tried, never heard God say anything about it. Well, the cat's out of the bag! And now, I have just a few accountability partners out there who will be watching me...even if I quit blogging, it wont be hard to SEE if I'm walking in freedom or bondage!

If you are struggling with an addiction - any addiction - and are ready to walk in freedom, let's go! Slip on some boots (I'm from Texas, remember!), and let's start walking! I've got my arm bent with my elbow out ready to link up with you - let's walk out of these prison cells ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!!

I will label all of my posts about this struggle with "Freedom from Food" so you can always find them if you click on that label on the side of my blog. If you are going to walk with me, please comment! You don't have to share what your addiction is, but I would love to know someone has linked arms with me and is walking this way too? If you are my Facebook friend, will you comment on the blog instead of Facebook so that those who are not on Facebook can know you are walking with them too? If you don't have a blog and Facebook is the only way you can comment, then go for it! At least I'll know I'm not walking this alone!

Let's go gals! As we say in Texas, these boots were made for walking!!!