Just when we wondered if it would ever happen, it did! We had one offer on the table, but the buyer had to sell their house. They had not even put it on the market yet, and had backed out twice on putting it on the market...so we were not totally sure they would go through with it. So we scheduled an open house. We have been told by numerous real estate agents that open houses don't work. But we had asked God if there was anything we needed to do in our wait, and we both felt having an open house was His answer. Within two hours of the end of the open house we had an above asking price offer that was not contingent and gave us a week lease back at no cost! Truly, a gift from God! God has spoken to me at the beginning of the process that we would know His love by the sell of our house. In my desires, I had assumed that meant a fast sell! But as we sat down to sign the contracts, I was overwhelmed with God's love as I looked at how He has truly blessed us with a stress free contract! And the couple has been AMAZING to work with! We had the inspection and easily agreed up on what needed to be fixed and how it would be fixed, It has truly been the most stress free contract we have ever had on a house! That's God's love...extravagant and peaceful! And abundant...literally while we were signing the contract that night to send back to their agent, John received a text from one of the other people who had put an offer on it a few weeks back. They were wanting to put an offer on it again...abundance! Such a great picture of God's love for a gal who is very legalistically wired and has a hard time believing God just gives good gifts because He loves us and is a good Father who just wants to lavish great things on his children!
But I have to tell you, the journey is almost comical as we look back at it. I mean like you could write a pretty hysterical cartoon about our trip to that point. Once God spoke to us that we were not to battle for the sell of our house, but instead were to rest so that He could give it to us as a demonstration of his love, it took us a couple of trips around the mountain. I had a very wise mentor that would say God takes us around the mountain until we learn the lesson sometimes. I would definitely say that is the case here.
We had so much interest over the course of the 44 days it took to sell our house. It seemed like it was constantly a game of "this offer is on the table" then "they backed out and we are back to square one". It was an emotional roller coaster of excitement that our house was possibly sold and disappointment when it fell apart. But after God spoke that it was not a war to fight, but a time to rest in His love, I tried to stay focused on that. John and I both had our moments where we could just rest in that and circumstances did not make us waiver, but we also both had moments where the circumstances over came us and despair, fatigue and frustration set in! But here is the cool thing! About two days before the open house, I felt God say, "Trust me!" I had this sense of wanting to just free fall into God's love. I literally pictured myself falling off a ledge and bouncing up into the air again as I hit his "love" as if I hit a trampoline (in case you don't know by now, I am very visual! ;) ) I was honest and told God that I was scared to let myself fall because I wasn't sure how I would survive if he let me hit the ground instead of catching me! Typing that, I understand how ridiculous it sounds that God would drop me, but in my heart, that was my fear. I only heard one word in return -JUMP! So I did!
The next day we got discouraging news about the family who was putting their house on the market to buy ours (this was before our open house). As soon as John told me, I had a very brief moment of panic, and then the familiar voice - "I've got you! Keep falling!" And I did! I did not waiver one bit in my resolve to trust God and keep falling into His love! And so did John! For the first time in all the roller coaster ride, John and I both at the same time did not let circumstances dictate our emotions. We did not let circumstances dictate our mood. We stood on what God had said and resolved to wait until His time to make circumstances line up with what He had already spoken! We had finally walked around the mountain enough times - we had the lesson not just in our head as knowledge, but in our heart and had changed how we operated! And the next day, we received the amazing contract! I can't say that I have ever "felt" God's love more than I did in that moment. The free fall didn't end in me shattered at the bottom, but instead wrapped in the arms of my loving Heavenly Father smiling down at me!
And even the timing has been perfect despite my begging God to give us a contract sooner....we will be able to stay in our house one week which puts us needing to live somewhere just as my in-laws are headed on vacation leaving their house empty! We will move in the new house the week after school starts, (the first week we will be close enough for the kids to start school, just not in our house) so no sitting at a new house with no friends making the kids more anxious about life in a new city....so many things that show God's extravagant love and provision for us! Truly thankful for the lessons we have learned on this journey! In nearly 19 years of marriage and all the "adventures" John and I have taken, I would say that this one by far has exceeded any in teaching us spiritual truths as individuals but most of all as a couple! Some day we will share our entire testimony....but for now I am resting in the fact that we have walked together closer spiritually through this than ever before! And can I tell you, the enemy hates that! Which will have to be a post for another time! :)
Thank you for those who have taken this journey with us! It has been amazing to hear all the stories of those who have shared. Many of you are still journeying (as are we....this journey isn't just about a house but about our family entering a spiritual promised land that we are still fighting to retake!)...please know that I am believing with you for God's extravagant, loving and best for you ending to your journey as well! Don't give up! He has amazing things for you!
Showing posts with label God's love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God's love. Show all posts
Thursday, July 21, 2016
Tuesday, June 28, 2016
The Next Faith Journey: Learning to rest in my identity
Well the journey continues! And as seems to be the case for the Petrees, it is a crazy ride! Last week we had three OFFERS in one day! We were so pumped and felt sure this was the reason for the delay! Three offers would mean a higher sales price. Well, you would think so! I think we may be the only people in history that can have three offers in one day and end up with no contract! We had one offer negotiated and were just waiting on the signed contract with the new conditions to be sent to us. Instead, 12 hours later, they decided to reduce their offer by $20,000! We had things going on that left even the buyers' realtors stunned! This all started last weekend...and the last of the three offers left the table of negotiation Friday.
There are all kinds of emotions and thoughts that go through your heart and head during a week like that! Most of them not good! However, the one that kept coming up and took me totally by surprise was fear. I mean like knots in your stomach, heart racing, fast breathing fear. Fear is not something I have ever really struggled with. I was a worrier in high school, but God really worked in me even with that at a pretty young age. You don't take two families to an African nation you have never been to yourself and navigate their legal system and the US immigration system for the first time to bring home 5 children with fear as a companion! Relying on God in circumstances like that had come even at a pretty low level of spiritual maturity for me....because it had to in order to do what God had called me to. So this feeling that would come over me several times a day had me puzzled! And looking for the cause and solution because I didn't like it!
Friday afternoon after John had let me know the last offer wasn't going to pan out either, I just cried out to God and asked if we were still supposed to move? I had been holding tight to promises and moving forward in faith crashing anything that threatened to stand in the way! But after last week, I was left thinking maybe I was crashing through so hard that I was missing God's redirection. I never want circumstances to dictate what God is telling me or allow them to be "signs" as to whether or not God is calling me to something, but at the same time, if God was putting up road blocks to keep us from a mistake, I wanted to back down and regroup. God didn't necessarily answer that cry with new words, but He did remind me of the promises of the move..and he reminded me of sermons and different bits of information that he had provided throughout the process at times of discouragement. It was like he was reminding me that every time we faced doubt or discouragement on this journey, he had provided some little nugget that kept us moving in the right direction...kind of like the breadcrumbs left on a trail to lead us to the end! And with that I put doubt to rest. But the fact still remained we cannot move until our house sells....and our timeline for being able to move before school starts in order to have the kids in their new school at the beginning of the year is getting really tight! So why is our house not selling?!
John sent me a text not long after I had cried out to God and put doubt to rest. He was doing some things around the house, and God had spoken to him that we would have been settling. It had been very clear that the last offer would have been very difficult to deal with, and probably not where we wanted to be on price. So God just asked John, "Why do you want to settle? Why do you not want all that I have for you?" Well, that's a great question! Bottom line, we don't....but we do still have to sell our house. So we went into the weekend somewhat encouraged and looking forward to showings being booked. And yet, we had not a single showing on Saturday or Sunday....but that was ok because God had given me a revelation Saturday morning.
I listen to the sermons out of Bethel in Redding on a regular basis. I listened to a teaching Bill Johnson gave at their Kingdom Come Conference this past week. As Bill spoke, I felt like he was talking directly to me from God! More faithfully than any other time we have stood on a promise of God that was delayed in coming, this time John and I have put into practice the weapons of warfare and contended and activated faith! We have prayed as individuals and as a couple (something we struggle to do if we are totally transparent with you!). We have written scriptures down and declared them. We have literally walked around the outside of our house and prayed for the walls blocking the sale of it to fall...we have done all the spiritual disciplines in the physical to bring breakthrough in the natural. And yet, we still do not have a buyer for our house. Bill's teaching was on exactly this. He said sometimes when breakthrough doesn't come in the warring, it is because he is not trying to show you your authority, instead he is trying to show you your IDENTITY! Sometimes God wants us to just be still and let him bring the breakthrough to us as a showing of his love and a demonstration of our identity as sons and daughters of God! Talk about mind blown......
See God has told me over and over that the sell of our house would be a demonstration of his love. Without going into all my baggage of faith journeys (that would have to be a series on its own), this journey had seemed to be lining up exactly with what I felt about God's love for me....it goes something like "you will do it for others but not me", "standing on your promises brings disappointment and frustration", "walking by faith brings maturity, but I am not sure I want to be more mature anymore". But I know those are not the Truths of scripture, and I want desperately for the Truths of scripture to be my response no matter what the circumstances. I want a different thought when someone mentions God's love to cross my mind.
Operating in authority is not a problem for me. God gave me a bold personality that definitely needed sanctifying! Through the years as he has called me to speak up for children and advocate on all levels, I have learned to operate in authority from him. So when we started this journey, I had no problem praying, declaring Truths, yielding the weapons of warfare to bring about breakthrough in authority! But what Bill was talking about was a new thing! Receiving the breakthrough simply because I am God's daughter and He loves me? (He based the teaching on Jesus telling us to come to him and receive the kingdom as little children!) Now that is something I struggle with!
As I have unpacked this over the last few days, I have realized recognizing and receiving God's love is a real struggle for me. For many, that would seem odd as I had an amazing childhood. I had a wonderful father who was an amazing (and still is!) example of a father's love for his daughter! I am still a Daddy's Girl through and through. I had a mother who was involved in everything I did and made it her life's work to raise her children. However, I was teased all through school. I learned at a very young age that my value according to the world's standards was next to nothing. I struggled to feel like I had worth. That's why I graduated third in my class in high school and was first chair flute most of my high school career. I found the things I was good at and worked hard to prove my worth in those. As that little girl and emerging young woman, I had my parents there telling me every time I broke down how much I was loved and valued. They reminded me that my worth was not in my looks. I had those constant reminders of what really mattered in life! But my adult life has been a bit of a different story.
I have spent most of my adult life fighting feelings of worthlessness and feeling like I will never measure up to ________ (so many things could fill that blank!). Please understand I am not sharing this for pity or pats on the back! I am sharing because I don't think I am the only one who struggles with this in Christian circles...especially Christian women circles! And I believe God is wanting to show us something new! We have been asked to leave churches because of our ministry that God called us to. I have been unable to serve in places I felt called to serve because I was not friends with the minister's wife or the elder's wives. Struggles in marriage, failures as a parent, the list goes on and on of how the enemy has tried desperately to steal my identity and my value as a daughter of God! And honestly, he's done a darn good job of it! The thought that God would just hand me a buyer for the house and an amazing new home without me "earning" it or proving myself or fighting a battle for it is truly a foreign concept....which I am sure is why he is asking me to do it! He is doing a new thing in me!
But can I share something?! I am almost like a giddy school girl on Christmas morning as I just sit and wait to see how he lavishes His love on me through this journey! I am totally unworthy of it, and know the depths of how undeserving I am....but that's the greatest thing! Despite all of that, he wants to do it anyway!!! I know he has tilled my heart over the last few months and probably years to be ready for this lesson! It is bringing some junk to the surfaces that is not fun, but also needs to be dealt with if I am going to walk in this new identity in freedom! Can I tell you how amazing it is to just rest?! This weekend was packed! I have no idea how we would have stopped, picked up the house and left for an hour at any moment on Saturday or Sunday! When fear would start to creep in that without showings our house will not sell, I would hear this little whisper say, "But I love you! Watch what I will do!" And fear would leave, and I would find myself actually saying a prayer of thanks that we did not have a showing! I don't have this all figured out! I am still chewing on all it means and all God is showing me, but if you have been warring for breakthrough and have not seen it, can I challenge you to go to bethel.tv, buy the Salt and Light conference, and listen to this teaching! Perhaps, like me, God is not wanting you to yield your authority, but instead is wanting you to rest in your identity! He loves us! And he is wanting desperately to show us just how much!
There are all kinds of emotions and thoughts that go through your heart and head during a week like that! Most of them not good! However, the one that kept coming up and took me totally by surprise was fear. I mean like knots in your stomach, heart racing, fast breathing fear. Fear is not something I have ever really struggled with. I was a worrier in high school, but God really worked in me even with that at a pretty young age. You don't take two families to an African nation you have never been to yourself and navigate their legal system and the US immigration system for the first time to bring home 5 children with fear as a companion! Relying on God in circumstances like that had come even at a pretty low level of spiritual maturity for me....because it had to in order to do what God had called me to. So this feeling that would come over me several times a day had me puzzled! And looking for the cause and solution because I didn't like it!
Friday afternoon after John had let me know the last offer wasn't going to pan out either, I just cried out to God and asked if we were still supposed to move? I had been holding tight to promises and moving forward in faith crashing anything that threatened to stand in the way! But after last week, I was left thinking maybe I was crashing through so hard that I was missing God's redirection. I never want circumstances to dictate what God is telling me or allow them to be "signs" as to whether or not God is calling me to something, but at the same time, if God was putting up road blocks to keep us from a mistake, I wanted to back down and regroup. God didn't necessarily answer that cry with new words, but He did remind me of the promises of the move..and he reminded me of sermons and different bits of information that he had provided throughout the process at times of discouragement. It was like he was reminding me that every time we faced doubt or discouragement on this journey, he had provided some little nugget that kept us moving in the right direction...kind of like the breadcrumbs left on a trail to lead us to the end! And with that I put doubt to rest. But the fact still remained we cannot move until our house sells....and our timeline for being able to move before school starts in order to have the kids in their new school at the beginning of the year is getting really tight! So why is our house not selling?!
John sent me a text not long after I had cried out to God and put doubt to rest. He was doing some things around the house, and God had spoken to him that we would have been settling. It had been very clear that the last offer would have been very difficult to deal with, and probably not where we wanted to be on price. So God just asked John, "Why do you want to settle? Why do you not want all that I have for you?" Well, that's a great question! Bottom line, we don't....but we do still have to sell our house. So we went into the weekend somewhat encouraged and looking forward to showings being booked. And yet, we had not a single showing on Saturday or Sunday....but that was ok because God had given me a revelation Saturday morning.
I listen to the sermons out of Bethel in Redding on a regular basis. I listened to a teaching Bill Johnson gave at their Kingdom Come Conference this past week. As Bill spoke, I felt like he was talking directly to me from God! More faithfully than any other time we have stood on a promise of God that was delayed in coming, this time John and I have put into practice the weapons of warfare and contended and activated faith! We have prayed as individuals and as a couple (something we struggle to do if we are totally transparent with you!). We have written scriptures down and declared them. We have literally walked around the outside of our house and prayed for the walls blocking the sale of it to fall...we have done all the spiritual disciplines in the physical to bring breakthrough in the natural. And yet, we still do not have a buyer for our house. Bill's teaching was on exactly this. He said sometimes when breakthrough doesn't come in the warring, it is because he is not trying to show you your authority, instead he is trying to show you your IDENTITY! Sometimes God wants us to just be still and let him bring the breakthrough to us as a showing of his love and a demonstration of our identity as sons and daughters of God! Talk about mind blown......
See God has told me over and over that the sell of our house would be a demonstration of his love. Without going into all my baggage of faith journeys (that would have to be a series on its own), this journey had seemed to be lining up exactly with what I felt about God's love for me....it goes something like "you will do it for others but not me", "standing on your promises brings disappointment and frustration", "walking by faith brings maturity, but I am not sure I want to be more mature anymore". But I know those are not the Truths of scripture, and I want desperately for the Truths of scripture to be my response no matter what the circumstances. I want a different thought when someone mentions God's love to cross my mind.
Operating in authority is not a problem for me. God gave me a bold personality that definitely needed sanctifying! Through the years as he has called me to speak up for children and advocate on all levels, I have learned to operate in authority from him. So when we started this journey, I had no problem praying, declaring Truths, yielding the weapons of warfare to bring about breakthrough in authority! But what Bill was talking about was a new thing! Receiving the breakthrough simply because I am God's daughter and He loves me? (He based the teaching on Jesus telling us to come to him and receive the kingdom as little children!) Now that is something I struggle with!
As I have unpacked this over the last few days, I have realized recognizing and receiving God's love is a real struggle for me. For many, that would seem odd as I had an amazing childhood. I had a wonderful father who was an amazing (and still is!) example of a father's love for his daughter! I am still a Daddy's Girl through and through. I had a mother who was involved in everything I did and made it her life's work to raise her children. However, I was teased all through school. I learned at a very young age that my value according to the world's standards was next to nothing. I struggled to feel like I had worth. That's why I graduated third in my class in high school and was first chair flute most of my high school career. I found the things I was good at and worked hard to prove my worth in those. As that little girl and emerging young woman, I had my parents there telling me every time I broke down how much I was loved and valued. They reminded me that my worth was not in my looks. I had those constant reminders of what really mattered in life! But my adult life has been a bit of a different story.
I have spent most of my adult life fighting feelings of worthlessness and feeling like I will never measure up to ________ (so many things could fill that blank!). Please understand I am not sharing this for pity or pats on the back! I am sharing because I don't think I am the only one who struggles with this in Christian circles...especially Christian women circles! And I believe God is wanting to show us something new! We have been asked to leave churches because of our ministry that God called us to. I have been unable to serve in places I felt called to serve because I was not friends with the minister's wife or the elder's wives. Struggles in marriage, failures as a parent, the list goes on and on of how the enemy has tried desperately to steal my identity and my value as a daughter of God! And honestly, he's done a darn good job of it! The thought that God would just hand me a buyer for the house and an amazing new home without me "earning" it or proving myself or fighting a battle for it is truly a foreign concept....which I am sure is why he is asking me to do it! He is doing a new thing in me!
But can I share something?! I am almost like a giddy school girl on Christmas morning as I just sit and wait to see how he lavishes His love on me through this journey! I am totally unworthy of it, and know the depths of how undeserving I am....but that's the greatest thing! Despite all of that, he wants to do it anyway!!! I know he has tilled my heart over the last few months and probably years to be ready for this lesson! It is bringing some junk to the surfaces that is not fun, but also needs to be dealt with if I am going to walk in this new identity in freedom! Can I tell you how amazing it is to just rest?! This weekend was packed! I have no idea how we would have stopped, picked up the house and left for an hour at any moment on Saturday or Sunday! When fear would start to creep in that without showings our house will not sell, I would hear this little whisper say, "But I love you! Watch what I will do!" And fear would leave, and I would find myself actually saying a prayer of thanks that we did not have a showing! I don't have this all figured out! I am still chewing on all it means and all God is showing me, but if you have been warring for breakthrough and have not seen it, can I challenge you to go to bethel.tv, buy the Salt and Light conference, and listen to this teaching! Perhaps, like me, God is not wanting you to yield your authority, but instead is wanting you to rest in your identity! He loves us! And he is wanting desperately to show us just how much!
Thursday, March 10, 2016
Carrying my Cross
I love how personal God is! I love how many chances He gives me! I love that even when I mess up, He takes me right back! There are a couple of really hard things going on with adoptions in Texas right now. I know without a doubt this is a battle God has called me to. I have tried to walk away - you know "the Lord will fight for you, you keep still" {Exodus 14:14}, but He brings it right back to my door step time and time again. I have finally accepted that this is part of my "for such a time as this" and a way to use so much of our personal as well as professional story that is full of heart ache for good!
But if I am honest with myself, while I have agreed this is my cross to bear, I have not carried it well. I have most definitely not counted it all joy when I have faced trials of many kinds. I have not persevered in order to produce proven character and most certainly did not have hope on many days. In fact, many days, I sat staring at a wall begging for a way out. It. is. hard.
As God would have it, we took communion together as a Body the Sunday after one of these particularly hard weeks. As I contemplated the cross, the load I had been asked to carry obviously waned in a big way! I dropped to my seat in sorrow and remorse that I had been such a complainer that week. Yes, I had been obedient, but I had not been a willing vessel. I had gone kicking and screaming...and kicking some more....and screaming some more!
But as I sat there asking God to forgive me for what the enemy was trying to make me feel like was a huge failure, the visual image of the movies we see with a crucifixion scene came to mind. You know the one where they lay the cross on Jesus' back, he takes two steps and falls to the ground from the weight of the cross and the exhaustion/pain of all he had endured previously and the huge wooden cross tumbles to the ground? That is the image that came to mind! Then that still small voice said, "Why are you being so hard on yourself? Even I had to have someone carry my own cross at some point!" You see the gospels of Mark, Luke and Matthew all state that another man had to carry Jesus' cross up the hill.
Wow! If Jesus struggled to carry his literal cross, why would I not think I would struggle at times to carry mine?! And you know what, the Holly Spirit assured me that day in that pew that He is ok with that! He was pleased that I was still waking the hill, dragging the cross. I hadn't laid it down and walked of, and I hadn't stop altogether! As long as I was continuing in my yes, He could and would continue to use my obedience!
What cross are you struggling to carry? Can I encourage you? It's OK to struggle! Just don't quit! Just don't let the enemy wind the mind games he plays! Keep on keeping on...even when you can't do it with "all joy", just do it! Because God can use even our whiny, limping, complaining, barely making it YES!
But if I am honest with myself, while I have agreed this is my cross to bear, I have not carried it well. I have most definitely not counted it all joy when I have faced trials of many kinds. I have not persevered in order to produce proven character and most certainly did not have hope on many days. In fact, many days, I sat staring at a wall begging for a way out. It. is. hard.
As God would have it, we took communion together as a Body the Sunday after one of these particularly hard weeks. As I contemplated the cross, the load I had been asked to carry obviously waned in a big way! I dropped to my seat in sorrow and remorse that I had been such a complainer that week. Yes, I had been obedient, but I had not been a willing vessel. I had gone kicking and screaming...and kicking some more....and screaming some more!
But as I sat there asking God to forgive me for what the enemy was trying to make me feel like was a huge failure, the visual image of the movies we see with a crucifixion scene came to mind. You know the one where they lay the cross on Jesus' back, he takes two steps and falls to the ground from the weight of the cross and the exhaustion/pain of all he had endured previously and the huge wooden cross tumbles to the ground? That is the image that came to mind! Then that still small voice said, "Why are you being so hard on yourself? Even I had to have someone carry my own cross at some point!" You see the gospels of Mark, Luke and Matthew all state that another man had to carry Jesus' cross up the hill.
Wow! If Jesus struggled to carry his literal cross, why would I not think I would struggle at times to carry mine?! And you know what, the Holly Spirit assured me that day in that pew that He is ok with that! He was pleased that I was still waking the hill, dragging the cross. I hadn't laid it down and walked of, and I hadn't stop altogether! As long as I was continuing in my yes, He could and would continue to use my obedience!
What cross are you struggling to carry? Can I encourage you? It's OK to struggle! Just don't quit! Just don't let the enemy wind the mind games he plays! Keep on keeping on...even when you can't do it with "all joy", just do it! Because God can use even our whiny, limping, complaining, barely making it YES!
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Was it God?
I have heard many comments lately that have raised the proverbial hair on the back of my neck. It it's one thing I have wrestled with through our failed adoptions and some personal struggles it is free will versus God's will and handling disappointments. There was a time that spans many years where I could not tell you a personal story of victory and happy ending after a leap of faith. We had taken some pretty big ones, and they all had endings far from what I had hoped. Disappointment. There are posts on this blog during those times. Even if I don't come right out and say it...you can read the disappointment between the lines.
My immediate reaction to those disappointments was much the same as what I see in other people as they struggle through disappointments in their lives...God, where are you?! Those of us who have been in church most of our lives can easily quote Deuteronomy 31:6 " Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you" But the truth is during those times of disappointment early in my walk in relationship with God, I didn't believe it! I would cry out to God with that same verse asking where He was. I wanted so badly to believe He was beside me, but honestly, I felt alone and abandoned. I had head knowledge....I wanted to believe what God's Word said, but my circumstances just didn't speak to that. My experience was not lining up with truth.
When that happens, our immediate human nature response is to throw out "truth"! Our experiences must be what is accurate in our human, world-based mind, so we come to the conclusion that the "truth" has to be wrong. And that is the biggest lie from the pit of hell! It is exactly what the enemy wants us to believe. Because when we begin to believe that our experience trumps truth, we start to doubt God. If satan can start us on the path of doubting God, he can unravel just about any part of our faith and our testimony.
When we face disappointments, and view them through our flesh, through our experience, through our circumstance we are left with three conclusions:
My immediate reaction to those disappointments was much the same as what I see in other people as they struggle through disappointments in their lives...God, where are you?! Those of us who have been in church most of our lives can easily quote Deuteronomy 31:6 " Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you" But the truth is during those times of disappointment early in my walk in relationship with God, I didn't believe it! I would cry out to God with that same verse asking where He was. I wanted so badly to believe He was beside me, but honestly, I felt alone and abandoned. I had head knowledge....I wanted to believe what God's Word said, but my circumstances just didn't speak to that. My experience was not lining up with truth.
When that happens, our immediate human nature response is to throw out "truth"! Our experiences must be what is accurate in our human, world-based mind, so we come to the conclusion that the "truth" has to be wrong. And that is the biggest lie from the pit of hell! It is exactly what the enemy wants us to believe. Because when we begin to believe that our experience trumps truth, we start to doubt God. If satan can start us on the path of doubting God, he can unravel just about any part of our faith and our testimony.
When we face disappointments, and view them through our flesh, through our experience, through our circumstance we are left with three conclusions:
- I didn't hear God right in the first place
- God is not trust worthy
- God doesn't really exist
Can I be honest? I have entertained all three of those conclusions at times of disappointment in my life. After I came home from Sierra Leone without Eden, number 3 was my conclusion. I was ready to walk away from God. I was so close to the line of denouncing God and going about my days living life for what felt good and right to the senses, to doing what made me "happy"! But that is why God says we are to live by faith and not by sight! I praise God that in that exact time, I was reading Captivating. I had amazing people in my life to speak truth during that time right after I returned without my daughter. But I wouldn't talk to them. I knew what they would say, and frankly, I didn't want to hear it! But for some reason, I kept reading this book which is evidence that God will use whatever He can to reach us in our time of despair and need! In Captivating, the author speaks of a woman who is so at ease with herself because she finds her strength and identity in the Lord that women are at ease with themselves in her presence. I don't remember the exact wording, but it spoke of being able to "breath" in this woman's presence because there was room to breath based on her ability to rest in God. I didn't know about all the God parts of that woman, but I knew deep down, throwing out all morals, all laws, all boundaries, the thing I wanted more than anything else in life was to be that woman! As soon as that thought came over me, a still small voice said, "And how do you think you will be that woman without me?" And that began my journey back to God.
The next steps of faith were harder to take as I didn't want to experience disappointment. I struggled for almost a decade with how to handle when walking by faith didn't produce anything I thought I would see! But God was so faithful to continue to write and perfect my faith through calling me to acts that would test my ability to trust Him. To be able to handle disappointment and not turn all the emotions of that disappointment into disappointment in God.
I was watching the Bethel sermon from last Sunday, March 17, 2013. If you are struggling through any disappointments, I would highly encourage you to watch it! And Bill Johnson said, "God's ability to redeem hellish situations is so profound, the Church has jumped to conclusions assuming God designed the hellish situation....We must distinguish between what God approved, what he ordained, and what the enemy meant for evil." That is profound people! Until we can do that, we will never fully trust God. Until we can do this, the enemy will always taunt us with questions of whether God is truly good or whether we can truly trust God. Until you have walked through horrible situations and can say without a doubt God is good and can be trusted, the enemy will call those truths into question in your mind. Bill goes on to say that death, loss and destruction are the enemy's fingerprints. God can absolutely, and he does in amazing ways, use those circumstances to draw people to Him or to transform His people, but they are not from him!
One of the statements that made the hair stand up on the back of my neck this past week was about adoptions situations and when they don't go as we plan. The statement pretty well said just accept it. It was God's will. I just wanted to scream, "NO! IT'S NOT!" God is a God of restoration, healing, life! Anything that is death, destruction and loss is from the enemy! Does God allow those things, yes! Will I ever understand why He allows them? Not fully...His ways are not mine...or yours! But when we fall into the thinking that those events, those circumstances that bring death, loss and destruction were His ordained will, we have created god who is not to be trusted. We create a god who is not love. We create a god who is not faithful. And that is not the God I serve!
It has taken me nearly 10 years to be able to write this post with confidence and absolute belief! Meaning, I know in my core, I have experienced in my inner being that even when things don't go as planned, God is good! God is trustworthy! God is faithful! I could quote the scripture before, but it was just empty words....now those words are supported with belief and "knowing"! It took "losing" another daughter to get to that point.
To be continued.....
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Saying Yes
I really should be getting on the road as I return home to my family today, but I know the opportunity to share my experience this weekend and most recently this morning will escape me once the business of life takes over. And I hope this story will encourage any of you who may be standing on the edge of a call and are trying to decide if you want to take that step of faith or turn around and run a different direction.
I came to our friends house this weekend to write the book on spiritual warfare in adoption. When I left home Friday, there was really no question of "if" I would write it. God has told me to, and my very act of making the time and arrangements and getting away this weekend was out of obedience to what God told me to do. Period.
But once I started writing, the reason for the location so far from home and the time away became clear! I spent most of yesterday in tears. As I would write, the voices would taunt me with how controversial this topic will be. I thought back to my years working in Liberia where I stood for ethics and would not pay bribes or work in shady ways to bring children home. My reputation, my character, my ministry, my family, my sanity...it was all drug through the mud in that season of life. Not exactly a place I want to return. This past season has been a difficult one, but at lease it was a private season of refining. We got to pick and choose who was in the know about our battles. Liberia was not just out there, but even in the media at one point! The flashbacks made me reconsider writing the book. I found myself deleting entire lines and trying to rewrite them in a more politically correct or potentially less controversial way.
For a few hours, I really couldn't figure out what was happening. At first I thought it was just the emotion of reliving part of the past few years, but I really didn't think that was eliciting the emotions I was feeling. I wondered if this is what they call "writer's block". But I finally realized what this weekend was about! Yes, I was able to make progress on the book. I have written parts of five different chapters and over 6,000 words this weekend. But this was not just about writing, it was about solidifying my acceptance of the task God has asked me to complete. It was about God seeking an answer from me about the task and me accepting the task knowing exactly what it could mean. It was me saying YES in spite of all that could be on the path. Ironically, it was me doing with this book what I am writing about families doing in their adoption journey! Gotta love God's sense of humor!
At one point, Saturday afternoon, I started to delete all I had written and go home. I was done and didn't want to continue writing or even consider making a finished product that would be published for others to read and scrutinize. But on the way up here, I listened to a podcast about Christian writing. One of the things that the podcast talked about was the reason for you to write. One of those reasons was to change the world. Now, I don't think my book will change the world, but my motivation for writing is that adoptive families need this information and it is not out there right now.
I have amazing prayer warriors as friends. Twice on Saturday when I didn't think I could continue, I received text messages at just the right time encouraging me in what I am doing. Those friends were the voices that silenced the other voices telling me to quit.
This morning I went for a walk. This is the path I was walking on
I love going for walks as I walk and talk to God. Not usually out loud but sometimes I even talk out loud! I have always been able to hear God better and just feel closer to Him out in nature. But this path wasn't all that inspiring, honestly. Then I turned a corner and looked up....
This is what I saw! It was as if God said, "walk into my sanctuary and sit a minute!" I walked under that tree into the grassy area just past the fence and a cool breeze blew as if the breath of God had just blown over me. I probably should have removed my sneakers. That was how holy this ground felt as I walked into it! I looked up and there was this rock - and God said, "Sit awhile."
I looked up and this was my view - the cool breeze still hanging around me.
I don't know that I have ever felt the tangible presence of God in my life as I did in that moment. I wasn't sure what to do. Talking didn't seem appropriate. I was afraid if I just sat, my mind would wonder and I would lose the moment. So I did what I thought I should do in the presence of God, I wanted to sing a praise song. I started to sing and the song that came to mind was from way back ...O God, You are my God, and I will ever praise you! O God You are my God and I will ever praise You! I will seek You in the morning, and I will learn to walk in Your ways..O God you are my God and I will ever praise You! As I sang, God brought to mind the thoughts I had faced this weekend about the book. He told me to look at the covering of the trees in this place, to feel the cool air. This path is learning to walk in His ways. I know God gave me this moment to cling to if battles come over the content of the book. He reminded me that He promises to be my protector, that He hides me in the shadow of His wings just like I was hidden in this place in the middle of dead grass and cleared land for new construction. He reminded me that just last night John called me to tell me about a letter we received in the mail that ended a month long battle over a totally different issue but that had the potential to completely alter my life. But God has promised me on that journey to be my protector and defender as well. The timing of that letter is not lost on me. He reminded me that when I get still, He will meet me. He reminded me that obedience rarely happens without sacrifice on some level. He asked me for a commitment to see this project through but reminded me with my commitment to see it through came His promise to never leave me or forsake me.
We serve a faithful, personal God! I don't know what if any trials will come because of this book. I know I now have specific prays for my prayer warriors about not just my writing of this book but about the reception of and the impact on the audience I am writing for. But God so tenderly reminded me this morning that the outcome of the book is His to determine. It's His job! My job is simply to write the book in obedience. My job is to say Yes to His call!
I came to our friends house this weekend to write the book on spiritual warfare in adoption. When I left home Friday, there was really no question of "if" I would write it. God has told me to, and my very act of making the time and arrangements and getting away this weekend was out of obedience to what God told me to do. Period.
But once I started writing, the reason for the location so far from home and the time away became clear! I spent most of yesterday in tears. As I would write, the voices would taunt me with how controversial this topic will be. I thought back to my years working in Liberia where I stood for ethics and would not pay bribes or work in shady ways to bring children home. My reputation, my character, my ministry, my family, my sanity...it was all drug through the mud in that season of life. Not exactly a place I want to return. This past season has been a difficult one, but at lease it was a private season of refining. We got to pick and choose who was in the know about our battles. Liberia was not just out there, but even in the media at one point! The flashbacks made me reconsider writing the book. I found myself deleting entire lines and trying to rewrite them in a more politically correct or potentially less controversial way.
For a few hours, I really couldn't figure out what was happening. At first I thought it was just the emotion of reliving part of the past few years, but I really didn't think that was eliciting the emotions I was feeling. I wondered if this is what they call "writer's block". But I finally realized what this weekend was about! Yes, I was able to make progress on the book. I have written parts of five different chapters and over 6,000 words this weekend. But this was not just about writing, it was about solidifying my acceptance of the task God has asked me to complete. It was about God seeking an answer from me about the task and me accepting the task knowing exactly what it could mean. It was me saying YES in spite of all that could be on the path. Ironically, it was me doing with this book what I am writing about families doing in their adoption journey! Gotta love God's sense of humor!
At one point, Saturday afternoon, I started to delete all I had written and go home. I was done and didn't want to continue writing or even consider making a finished product that would be published for others to read and scrutinize. But on the way up here, I listened to a podcast about Christian writing. One of the things that the podcast talked about was the reason for you to write. One of those reasons was to change the world. Now, I don't think my book will change the world, but my motivation for writing is that adoptive families need this information and it is not out there right now.
I have amazing prayer warriors as friends. Twice on Saturday when I didn't think I could continue, I received text messages at just the right time encouraging me in what I am doing. Those friends were the voices that silenced the other voices telling me to quit.
This morning I went for a walk. This is the path I was walking on
I don't know that I have ever felt the tangible presence of God in my life as I did in that moment. I wasn't sure what to do. Talking didn't seem appropriate. I was afraid if I just sat, my mind would wonder and I would lose the moment. So I did what I thought I should do in the presence of God, I wanted to sing a praise song. I started to sing and the song that came to mind was from way back ...O God, You are my God, and I will ever praise you! O God You are my God and I will ever praise You! I will seek You in the morning, and I will learn to walk in Your ways..O God you are my God and I will ever praise You! As I sang, God brought to mind the thoughts I had faced this weekend about the book. He told me to look at the covering of the trees in this place, to feel the cool air. This path is learning to walk in His ways. I know God gave me this moment to cling to if battles come over the content of the book. He reminded me that He promises to be my protector, that He hides me in the shadow of His wings just like I was hidden in this place in the middle of dead grass and cleared land for new construction. He reminded me that just last night John called me to tell me about a letter we received in the mail that ended a month long battle over a totally different issue but that had the potential to completely alter my life. But God has promised me on that journey to be my protector and defender as well. The timing of that letter is not lost on me. He reminded me that when I get still, He will meet me. He reminded me that obedience rarely happens without sacrifice on some level. He asked me for a commitment to see this project through but reminded me with my commitment to see it through came His promise to never leave me or forsake me.
We serve a faithful, personal God! I don't know what if any trials will come because of this book. I know I now have specific prays for my prayer warriors about not just my writing of this book but about the reception of and the impact on the audience I am writing for. But God so tenderly reminded me this morning that the outcome of the book is His to determine. It's His job! My job is simply to write the book in obedience. My job is to say Yes to His call!
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Released
There is no manual for how to act when you have a wayward child. There is also no manual for how to act when a friend has a wayward child. I'm thinking me and a couple of friends could write one of those! We have some crazy stories! But God brought some direction...some instructions yesterday through the blessing of a dear friend! Oddly enough, that same friend joked with me that she needed more blog posts to keep up with me...so Tracey, this is for you! You have no idea how you blessed me yesterday! THANK YOU!!!!
I had the pleasure of spending some time with my dear friend Tracey yesterday. Tracey and I met in high school, but became kindred spirits when we were in the same Sunday School class after graduating college. We have been through marriages, a miscarriage, births, all our adoptions - those that failed and those that brought a new life to our home...over 20 years of life together! Through numerous moves on behalf of both of us, we have remained friends and stayed in touch. And she is not even on Facebook! So it's like a real, old timey relationship! Tracey has always been one of my biggest cheerleaders! Every time we get together, whether it has been weeks, months, or years, we pick up right where we left off. I have learned over the years that is the mark of true friendship! Every time we meet, Tracey never fails to tell me how much she admires me. That always blows my mind because Tracey is one of about three people on this earth who know ALL of my scoop! I don't think there is anything in my closet that Tracey doesn't know! And the fact that she is even still my friend knowing all she knows is pretty amazing..much less has such lofty things to say.
Yesterday Tracey invited me to come to an event at her parents' church (the church where we rekindled our friendship all those years ago) where she was the featured guest bringing the program. The theme verse for the event was 2 Corinthians 9:8 "And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." It was on the wall behind where Tracey stood to sing and speak. I love holidays! This is absolutely my favorite time of year! So being at the event where everything is festive would normally be a thrill for me. But as I walked around the room looking at the themed tables and greeting long time friends that I hadn't seen in years, something was off. There was a fog, a heaviness.
Tracey got up to sing. She sang lots of oldy moldies as she said from our youth! I'm not particularly fond of thinking of songs from my era as oldy moldies, but I guess I am getting to "that" age. Tracey challenged all of us to put aside the stressed of the day, the week and just concentrate on the blessings in our life. As I did that, there was this voice that popped up and said, "when you are thinking about the blessings, don't forget the pain of the one not with you!" The fog was back. Immediately, I heard that still small voice that has become my comfort and my strength over the past few years say, "That's not me! That has never been me." I realized in that moment that since Paizley left our home while we were out of town that day, I have felt a need to be sad. I have felt like being happy or being fully joyful was wrong. I have never lost a child who live in my home to death. We lost Addy, and that was very painful, but it was different than losing a child you have held, poured into day in and day out. John and I have talked often that having a child who walks away from your family is much like a death in the family. There is obviously still the hope of reconciliation someday that you don't have with a death. And I don't mean to lessen the pain of my dear friends who have lost children to death. But as I sat there yesterday, I thought of stories I have heard of moms who have lost children to death and how they weren't sure how to be happy again. I felt that tug of war in my soul yesterday. The pain of the past few months, not just missing my daughter and granddaughter, but the false accusations, the total rejection of who we are, has been more painful than I could have ever imagined. But God's word says that joy comes in the morning! The problem was, the enemy had me convinced that the morning couldn't come until my daughter was fully reconciled to me. The problem with that is...that reconciliation is not my choice. So my "joy" was dependent an event that I couldn't control. One of the adoptive parents I am doing a home study for has hit some of the bumps we all face in the adoption process. We have talked quite a bit about the spiritual side of adoption. She had sent me a message earlier that day. God as setting the stage for me! I love it when He does this! Reminds me again of just how much He loves me (and YOU by the way!), and how personal He is! The message was from My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers. It was on obedience. John 14:15 - If you love me, you will obey my commandments. It talked about how obedience is a choice. God will not force us to do what He asks, He is a gentleman. Two years ago, we obeyed. That obedience is what God uses to show Himself to us and to others. The outcome of the obedience isn't what I had hoped and definitely not what I had dreamed, but the obedience - doing what God asked me to do - and the continued obedience in this situation, is what God is asking of me. In that moment yesterday when Tracey asked us to count our blessings, 6 faces popped into my head as the breath of one of those blessings brushed my neck as I held her in my lap. I pulled her a little closer to me and the tears began to fall. The release had come! God had spoken. "Stop making yourself pay for what you had no control over. You obeyed when others would have ran. You obeyed when others told you to run. Stop forcing a cloud over every family event. Enter this glorious season of thankfulness and of celebrating My Gift to you with a full heart." Wow! I didn't know! I didn't realize until that moment I felt I had to have an element of sadness to every family event we did - family pictures, carving pumpkins, watching a movie as a family. I felt like I had to almost verbally acknowledge the missing piece before we could go on with our event. But God released me from that! I can enjoy the holiday traditions we have as a family without having a moment of silence that someone is missing. My other children deserve a mom who is all in...not holding back because there needs to be a cloud over all we do.
There will be times of sadness, I know. There will be genuine mourning in the coming holiday season. But I am released, free to celebrate our family traditions, free to dance with my children, free to relish making Christmas cookies, and free to be Thankful for the blessed life I have as we gather around a table in a few weeks! Free to fully feel joy and peace despite a missing piece!
And that my friends, is the peace that passes all understanding that only a God who knows the pain of losing His own Son for MY sins can bring! I owe Him my life!
I had the pleasure of spending some time with my dear friend Tracey yesterday. Tracey and I met in high school, but became kindred spirits when we were in the same Sunday School class after graduating college. We have been through marriages, a miscarriage, births, all our adoptions - those that failed and those that brought a new life to our home...over 20 years of life together! Through numerous moves on behalf of both of us, we have remained friends and stayed in touch. And she is not even on Facebook! So it's like a real, old timey relationship! Tracey has always been one of my biggest cheerleaders! Every time we get together, whether it has been weeks, months, or years, we pick up right where we left off. I have learned over the years that is the mark of true friendship! Every time we meet, Tracey never fails to tell me how much she admires me. That always blows my mind because Tracey is one of about three people on this earth who know ALL of my scoop! I don't think there is anything in my closet that Tracey doesn't know! And the fact that she is even still my friend knowing all she knows is pretty amazing..much less has such lofty things to say.
Yesterday Tracey invited me to come to an event at her parents' church (the church where we rekindled our friendship all those years ago) where she was the featured guest bringing the program. The theme verse for the event was 2 Corinthians 9:8 "And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." It was on the wall behind where Tracey stood to sing and speak. I love holidays! This is absolutely my favorite time of year! So being at the event where everything is festive would normally be a thrill for me. But as I walked around the room looking at the themed tables and greeting long time friends that I hadn't seen in years, something was off. There was a fog, a heaviness.
Tracey got up to sing. She sang lots of oldy moldies as she said from our youth! I'm not particularly fond of thinking of songs from my era as oldy moldies, but I guess I am getting to "that" age. Tracey challenged all of us to put aside the stressed of the day, the week and just concentrate on the blessings in our life. As I did that, there was this voice that popped up and said, "when you are thinking about the blessings, don't forget the pain of the one not with you!" The fog was back. Immediately, I heard that still small voice that has become my comfort and my strength over the past few years say, "That's not me! That has never been me." I realized in that moment that since Paizley left our home while we were out of town that day, I have felt a need to be sad. I have felt like being happy or being fully joyful was wrong. I have never lost a child who live in my home to death. We lost Addy, and that was very painful, but it was different than losing a child you have held, poured into day in and day out. John and I have talked often that having a child who walks away from your family is much like a death in the family. There is obviously still the hope of reconciliation someday that you don't have with a death. And I don't mean to lessen the pain of my dear friends who have lost children to death. But as I sat there yesterday, I thought of stories I have heard of moms who have lost children to death and how they weren't sure how to be happy again. I felt that tug of war in my soul yesterday. The pain of the past few months, not just missing my daughter and granddaughter, but the false accusations, the total rejection of who we are, has been more painful than I could have ever imagined. But God's word says that joy comes in the morning! The problem was, the enemy had me convinced that the morning couldn't come until my daughter was fully reconciled to me. The problem with that is...that reconciliation is not my choice. So my "joy" was dependent an event that I couldn't control. One of the adoptive parents I am doing a home study for has hit some of the bumps we all face in the adoption process. We have talked quite a bit about the spiritual side of adoption. She had sent me a message earlier that day. God as setting the stage for me! I love it when He does this! Reminds me again of just how much He loves me (and YOU by the way!), and how personal He is! The message was from My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers. It was on obedience. John 14:15 - If you love me, you will obey my commandments. It talked about how obedience is a choice. God will not force us to do what He asks, He is a gentleman. Two years ago, we obeyed. That obedience is what God uses to show Himself to us and to others. The outcome of the obedience isn't what I had hoped and definitely not what I had dreamed, but the obedience - doing what God asked me to do - and the continued obedience in this situation, is what God is asking of me. In that moment yesterday when Tracey asked us to count our blessings, 6 faces popped into my head as the breath of one of those blessings brushed my neck as I held her in my lap. I pulled her a little closer to me and the tears began to fall. The release had come! God had spoken. "Stop making yourself pay for what you had no control over. You obeyed when others would have ran. You obeyed when others told you to run. Stop forcing a cloud over every family event. Enter this glorious season of thankfulness and of celebrating My Gift to you with a full heart." Wow! I didn't know! I didn't realize until that moment I felt I had to have an element of sadness to every family event we did - family pictures, carving pumpkins, watching a movie as a family. I felt like I had to almost verbally acknowledge the missing piece before we could go on with our event. But God released me from that! I can enjoy the holiday traditions we have as a family without having a moment of silence that someone is missing. My other children deserve a mom who is all in...not holding back because there needs to be a cloud over all we do.
There will be times of sadness, I know. There will be genuine mourning in the coming holiday season. But I am released, free to celebrate our family traditions, free to dance with my children, free to relish making Christmas cookies, and free to be Thankful for the blessed life I have as we gather around a table in a few weeks! Free to fully feel joy and peace despite a missing piece!
And that my friends, is the peace that passes all understanding that only a God who knows the pain of losing His own Son for MY sins can bring! I owe Him my life!
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Sermons From a 19 Month Old
I love when God uses little moments with my children to teach me! I had just changed Baby Girl's diaper and was playing with her on her floor. We were exchanging hugs and she ran to the other side of the room. I threw my arms open, and she ran as fast as she could back to me and jumped in my arms. We repeated this over and over. As I was watching her I felt God impress on me, "You are just like her". I watched her as she ran back across the room, then I noticed that when she turned back around to face me, she didn't take off running for my arms until she saw that they were open, ready for her. Then she ran with all her might as if something was after her yet smiling from ear to ear as she did it!
As I sat and watched that same event over and over, I knew what God was telling me. I want so badly to run into his open arms. But like Baby Girl, I hesitate. I don't have a visible God sitting on the floor for me to physically run into his physical arms. I have to do it by faith. I have to believe by faith that His arms are open and ready for me to take that leap. That when I run with all my might to Him, He is going to be there with open arms ready to hold me and to heal any wound I acquired on my trip across the room to get to His open arms. That's hard for me these days. Past wounds and disappointments keep me from believing His arms are open. I know He was trying to tell me that just like I am sitting there waiting for her to run to me, so He is for me! And that the same joy and laughter I have when Baby Girl nearly knocks me over when she throws her arms around my neck is the same joy He has when I do the same with Him!
So today, I'm taking that as a love letter from God and I'm choosing to believe He will catch me and hold me close....and I'm running with all my might into His open arms!
As I sat and watched that same event over and over, I knew what God was telling me. I want so badly to run into his open arms. But like Baby Girl, I hesitate. I don't have a visible God sitting on the floor for me to physically run into his physical arms. I have to do it by faith. I have to believe by faith that His arms are open and ready for me to take that leap. That when I run with all my might to Him, He is going to be there with open arms ready to hold me and to heal any wound I acquired on my trip across the room to get to His open arms. That's hard for me these days. Past wounds and disappointments keep me from believing His arms are open. I know He was trying to tell me that just like I am sitting there waiting for her to run to me, so He is for me! And that the same joy and laughter I have when Baby Girl nearly knocks me over when she throws her arms around my neck is the same joy He has when I do the same with Him!
So today, I'm taking that as a love letter from God and I'm choosing to believe He will catch me and hold me close....and I'm running with all my might into His open arms!
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