This is a blog post that has been floating around for some time now in my head, but just can't seem to stop long enough to get anything down these days! But on this Thanksgiving eve, the house is quiet and I'm enjoying some time of reflection. So here ya go!
John works for a state agency in education. As such he has contact with many districts locally and many other people state wide. All that to say, he gets asked to apply for jobs fairly regularly. Anyone who knows John knows that is dangerous since he thrives on change (hince the 9 houses in 11 years of marriage and four jobs in his current place of employment in 5 years)! He has learned to not entertain these requests on a regular basis or I would go bonkers...I'm the not-so-fond of change one!
But I knew something was different when he came home a few weeks ago and said he had been asked to apply at a small district not too far from here. I could tell he was actually considering this one. It took me by surprise. But the more we talked about it, the more there seemed to be some valid reasons to consider it. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized I really do miss a lot about small town life and I REALLY miss living in the country where I can watch the sunrise and sunset as I connect with God in amazing ways in nature! I can just hear his voice so much clearer and feel His presence in a stronger way when I am away from the distractions of a city. There are a couple of our kids who would really thrive in the environment that this job offered for them in school. And then there was the obvious career benefit for John. It would give him some vital experience that he needs to take the next step in his career. So we continued to pray, and John started talking to the key people about the job. Not too long into the process we found out the house that was provided as part of the package (a common thing in small town schools in the middle of no where as an incentive to attract administrators to schools) was only 3 bedroom and two bath. We have to have at least four bedrooms. The two bath we could find a way to live with, but we would have to have a 4th bedroom. We initially thought this was a closed door. But the powers that be asked us to come look at the house because there were a couple of rooms that could be bedrooms. So we agreed. We weren't sure where those rooms were that could be bedrooms, but there was a garage that could easily be converted, and we decided we could make it work! If this is where God wanted us, we could and would make the house work. We would be in close quarters, but we also realize we are tremendously blessed with our current house. We were willing to do whatever necessary to be where God wanted us. I have failed to mention one of the biggest perks of this job. Taking this job would have put at least $4,000 into our monthly budget. Yes, I meant to put that many zero's! That meant we could easily pay off all debt in a year and still take a trip to Disney in the next year! John and I both started dreaming of what it would mean to be able to buy groceries without scrimping here and there. We could actually afford to just go get the boys tennis shoes when they needed them instead of having to wait until the next pay day and pray that no one else's toe would start sticking out of their shoe before the next pay day! It would mean more flexibility to help with the agency like being able to hire a house keeper or have a couple days a week where Journey and Madison were both in some kind of childcare so that I could work without interruption. The list goes on and on of what that kind of money in our monthly budget would do for us.
But no matter how many pro and con lists we made and no matter how much we wanted the financial freedom this would bring, we had no peace about taking the job. God finally just gave me an answer that was simply "stay" - followed by "trust Me". I knew God was calling me to live out Matthew 6 in a way I never have...and at a time when believing God for things has been a struggle, God was asking me to not worry about what I would wear or what I would eat, or even about John's career but to trust Him! He was asking me to seek Him and His righteousness first....and I believe everything else will be added to us!
After hearing how much the new tires cost on the suburban this morning and struggling to find the money to buy Christmas for the kids, I have at times questioned why we didn't just take the money and go! But I know that God is doing a new work...He is asking me to trust Him with our finances and with His provision for us! I am excited to see how God shows off in this area! Stay tuned......
Showing posts with label finances. Show all posts
Showing posts with label finances. Show all posts
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Thursday, December 23, 2010
God's Economy
Seems like I don't have time for reflecting on much of anything these days! But lately, God has really been speaking to me about His economy! I have always hated money. Seems like we never have enough and seems like it is a a barrier to so much that we long to do...even good stuff! But I have a friend who of mine talks often of God's economy. And this year, I have learned to live in God's economy and have found it is the highest drawing savings account that exists!
The end of the year is always a time of reflection as we bring one year to a close and look ahead to what the next year might bring. As I reflect over this year, the most obvious thing to turn to is the fact that we have added 4 children (and lost one as B-man went to live with a new foster family) in the course of this year. The only word for adding 4 children to your family in a year is UN-NATURAL! Ok, maybe another word would fit also - BLESSED!
But as many of you know, kids are not cheap! They have needs and expenses. Three of our kiddos came with some financial support. Fostering is not really that much of a financial burden as the state reimburses you through the daily stipend. So I can't say that we have felt a financial burden to a large degree even with adding three children. However, as we transfer from foster to adoption with two of them and look at paying for a baby delivery and adding that baby to the monthly bills, I have to confess I have had a few moments of intense anxiety!
That is what started the reflection!
Yes, we added three kids, and we also lost my salary! When we turned the orphanage over to LifeSong, I stopped taking any kind of salary from Addy's Hope because there were no funds to support the salary. I also wasn't working as much obviously since I wasn't having to pound the pavement looking for donations or trying to run an orphanage from half a world away.
God provided for us in a huge way during that transition by John receiving a huge promotion (he is now second in command at the service center) and my grandfather passed away leaving my parents his inheritance which they graciously shared a portion with my brother and I. We were able to use this lump sum to pay down our debt so that we had manageable monthly bills. I still look back at the timing of all that with awe! It all happened at exactly the right time. The exact month we stopped receiving my salary, John's kicked in! That has to be God!
But the miracles don't stop there! God's economy is like everything else God does, it doesn't make sense! You cannot look at it with earthly eyes and make any sense of it.
With the addition of our children, we found we needed a bigger car. John was (and still isn't) anywhere close to driving a 12 passenger van. Plus those suckers are EXPENSIVE!!!! At least the conversion ones that are safer than the church van style. We started praying about what to do as we were very torn with having to take two cars everywhere. That is not conducive for family life, or the gas budget! We drove by a Suburban parked in a lot for sale. I told John let's look at it! That in itself had to be the Holy Spirit because I HATE buying cars!!! We drove over to it and I couldn't believe when I looked in the windows...it had bench seats in the front and middle row, so it was a Suburban that seated nine!!!! We have been doing Dave Ramsey this year and really wanted to pay cash for our next car. We were no where even close to that, so should we buy it? Ramsey would say no. But John and I both felt God was saying it was the car He had for us. We did have to take out a loan to get it, but the car was in amazingly good condition for how old it is and was priced below value AND came with a transferable warranty so when anything breaks, we are not out any money to fix it! Doesn't get any better than that on a used car! We started praying about what to do with our Honda Odyssey. We had talked even months before that we would love to be able to give it to a family who needed a bigger car to foster. But now we have this car loan with a car payment that we haven't had in years! So we started looking at selling it to pay down the loan. God made it clear through the next weeks that we were to give it away, not sell it and made it clear who was to be the recipient. If you know John and I, you know that I am not saying this to toot our horn, and in fact, wasn't going to put it in this post at all, except it illustrates for us how God's economy DOES NOT operate like the world! The world says we should hang on to and sell for the top dollar whatever we need to provide security. God says, obey me and you will have security like nothing else will provide! We are seeing that played out before our very lives!
I do have a confession. I kind of thought since we gave the van away, maybe a check would arrive to pay off our suburban loan. That check didn't come! BUT, what has come are little (and even some substantial) financial blessings that have provided for needs and even wants at just the right time!
I think we are pretty modest in what we buy for our children and each other for Christmas. Yes, they have plenty! I'm not trying to say we "sacrifice" in any way, but we stay under $100 for each child. So when the oldest two asked for Ipod touches for Christmas, well, the answer was obviously NO! But even with that modest budget, and trying to save all year, we were having a hard time making ends meet for Christmas. Just this month, we had an amazing Christmas blessing from Buckner where all the kids received a new set of pajamas and several other more than generous gifts! The county in Odessa where Baby Girl's case is provided Christmas presents for her, so she is taken care of. My amazing friends gave Princess M a "teen shower" where they bought our bedding needed for the transition in the girls' room and showered Princess M with not only some necessities, but many extras just to show her love! We also had a friend offer to give us beds for the girls! The blessings just can't be measured as we have learned to walk in God's economy!
One of the first "big" blows us away blessings came the week we found out we were pregnant. John went outside to fin a Lowe's gift card on the front porch. It was from "The Body of Christ!" Blew us away! And allowed us to finish up some home repairs and projects that had been on hold due to financial restraints...and had been stressing John out!
But last week, topped them all! In the course of two days, we received two envelopes with substantial amounts of cash...both from single mothers (one newly married single mom)! These are not wealthy people by any means! They reminded me of the widow's might. Here we are, a married couple with a very nice income, and we are receiving cash gifts from these single moms! Blessed, yes, but more than that, HUMBLED! You see, one of the things we have had to learn in God's economy is how to receive! I never thought that was an issue. But was God has showered us with blessings, we have had to realize that we have to be willing to humbly receive the gifts he has for us...just like we had to learn to receive His most precious gift of salvation! They don't usually come how we expect them or even in the most "comfortable" way. But that is God's economy! He uses whomever is willing! This time it was two ladies who walked in obedience and sacrifice to God and taught this mother more than I am sure they will ever know! Because in my legalistic mind, God promises to provide our needs, not our wants! But God showed us this month, that even wants can be in His provision! As long as we walk in His economy and do well with the little things He entrusts to us, He will continue to provide!
Was thinking on those things this morning and couldn't sleep. You see, I don't think we have done so well with the "little" things and am amazed that God continues to bless us! But God reminded me that he desires obedience over sacrifice! So I got out of bed and spent my time with Him this morning paying bills! You see, even paying bills can be a worshipful experience when I remember where my money comes from and Who is my provider!
I can't say that I didn't have some moments of anxiety as we look at the coming months when we will have to make the payments for the baby's delivery and we look at losing the foster stipend for Baby Girl. But God quickly quieted my Spirit with the Holy Spirit's whisper, "Do not worry about tomorrow, for today has enough trouble of it's own. We will tackle tomorrow when tomorrow gets here. I am your Provider. Trust!"
And trust Him I do! He replaced my anxiety with anticipation! I can't wait to share more miracles of how God's economy works in our home and the homes of our friends who are on this journey with us! God has brought some of the most humble and generous people I have ever met into our lives at our new church home! I can't wait to see how God uses this portion of His body to impact the world as so many of my friends continue to reach out to the least of these...and I see God working miracle after miracle in each of our lives for us to "afford" it as we navigate the world's economy all the time relying on HIS economy!
The end of the year is always a time of reflection as we bring one year to a close and look ahead to what the next year might bring. As I reflect over this year, the most obvious thing to turn to is the fact that we have added 4 children (and lost one as B-man went to live with a new foster family) in the course of this year. The only word for adding 4 children to your family in a year is UN-NATURAL! Ok, maybe another word would fit also - BLESSED!
But as many of you know, kids are not cheap! They have needs and expenses. Three of our kiddos came with some financial support. Fostering is not really that much of a financial burden as the state reimburses you through the daily stipend. So I can't say that we have felt a financial burden to a large degree even with adding three children. However, as we transfer from foster to adoption with two of them and look at paying for a baby delivery and adding that baby to the monthly bills, I have to confess I have had a few moments of intense anxiety!
That is what started the reflection!
Yes, we added three kids, and we also lost my salary! When we turned the orphanage over to LifeSong, I stopped taking any kind of salary from Addy's Hope because there were no funds to support the salary. I also wasn't working as much obviously since I wasn't having to pound the pavement looking for donations or trying to run an orphanage from half a world away.
God provided for us in a huge way during that transition by John receiving a huge promotion (he is now second in command at the service center) and my grandfather passed away leaving my parents his inheritance which they graciously shared a portion with my brother and I. We were able to use this lump sum to pay down our debt so that we had manageable monthly bills. I still look back at the timing of all that with awe! It all happened at exactly the right time. The exact month we stopped receiving my salary, John's kicked in! That has to be God!
But the miracles don't stop there! God's economy is like everything else God does, it doesn't make sense! You cannot look at it with earthly eyes and make any sense of it.
With the addition of our children, we found we needed a bigger car. John was (and still isn't) anywhere close to driving a 12 passenger van. Plus those suckers are EXPENSIVE!!!! At least the conversion ones that are safer than the church van style. We started praying about what to do as we were very torn with having to take two cars everywhere. That is not conducive for family life, or the gas budget! We drove by a Suburban parked in a lot for sale. I told John let's look at it! That in itself had to be the Holy Spirit because I HATE buying cars!!! We drove over to it and I couldn't believe when I looked in the windows...it had bench seats in the front and middle row, so it was a Suburban that seated nine!!!! We have been doing Dave Ramsey this year and really wanted to pay cash for our next car. We were no where even close to that, so should we buy it? Ramsey would say no. But John and I both felt God was saying it was the car He had for us. We did have to take out a loan to get it, but the car was in amazingly good condition for how old it is and was priced below value AND came with a transferable warranty so when anything breaks, we are not out any money to fix it! Doesn't get any better than that on a used car! We started praying about what to do with our Honda Odyssey. We had talked even months before that we would love to be able to give it to a family who needed a bigger car to foster. But now we have this car loan with a car payment that we haven't had in years! So we started looking at selling it to pay down the loan. God made it clear through the next weeks that we were to give it away, not sell it and made it clear who was to be the recipient. If you know John and I, you know that I am not saying this to toot our horn, and in fact, wasn't going to put it in this post at all, except it illustrates for us how God's economy DOES NOT operate like the world! The world says we should hang on to and sell for the top dollar whatever we need to provide security. God says, obey me and you will have security like nothing else will provide! We are seeing that played out before our very lives!
I do have a confession. I kind of thought since we gave the van away, maybe a check would arrive to pay off our suburban loan. That check didn't come! BUT, what has come are little (and even some substantial) financial blessings that have provided for needs and even wants at just the right time!
I think we are pretty modest in what we buy for our children and each other for Christmas. Yes, they have plenty! I'm not trying to say we "sacrifice" in any way, but we stay under $100 for each child. So when the oldest two asked for Ipod touches for Christmas, well, the answer was obviously NO! But even with that modest budget, and trying to save all year, we were having a hard time making ends meet for Christmas. Just this month, we had an amazing Christmas blessing from Buckner where all the kids received a new set of pajamas and several other more than generous gifts! The county in Odessa where Baby Girl's case is provided Christmas presents for her, so she is taken care of. My amazing friends gave Princess M a "teen shower" where they bought our bedding needed for the transition in the girls' room and showered Princess M with not only some necessities, but many extras just to show her love! We also had a friend offer to give us beds for the girls! The blessings just can't be measured as we have learned to walk in God's economy!
One of the first "big" blows us away blessings came the week we found out we were pregnant. John went outside to fin a Lowe's gift card on the front porch. It was from "The Body of Christ!" Blew us away! And allowed us to finish up some home repairs and projects that had been on hold due to financial restraints...and had been stressing John out!
But last week, topped them all! In the course of two days, we received two envelopes with substantial amounts of cash...both from single mothers (one newly married single mom)! These are not wealthy people by any means! They reminded me of the widow's might. Here we are, a married couple with a very nice income, and we are receiving cash gifts from these single moms! Blessed, yes, but more than that, HUMBLED! You see, one of the things we have had to learn in God's economy is how to receive! I never thought that was an issue. But was God has showered us with blessings, we have had to realize that we have to be willing to humbly receive the gifts he has for us...just like we had to learn to receive His most precious gift of salvation! They don't usually come how we expect them or even in the most "comfortable" way. But that is God's economy! He uses whomever is willing! This time it was two ladies who walked in obedience and sacrifice to God and taught this mother more than I am sure they will ever know! Because in my legalistic mind, God promises to provide our needs, not our wants! But God showed us this month, that even wants can be in His provision! As long as we walk in His economy and do well with the little things He entrusts to us, He will continue to provide!
Was thinking on those things this morning and couldn't sleep. You see, I don't think we have done so well with the "little" things and am amazed that God continues to bless us! But God reminded me that he desires obedience over sacrifice! So I got out of bed and spent my time with Him this morning paying bills! You see, even paying bills can be a worshipful experience when I remember where my money comes from and Who is my provider!
I can't say that I didn't have some moments of anxiety as we look at the coming months when we will have to make the payments for the baby's delivery and we look at losing the foster stipend for Baby Girl. But God quickly quieted my Spirit with the Holy Spirit's whisper, "Do not worry about tomorrow, for today has enough trouble of it's own. We will tackle tomorrow when tomorrow gets here. I am your Provider. Trust!"
And trust Him I do! He replaced my anxiety with anticipation! I can't wait to share more miracles of how God's economy works in our home and the homes of our friends who are on this journey with us! God has brought some of the most humble and generous people I have ever met into our lives at our new church home! I can't wait to see how God uses this portion of His body to impact the world as so many of my friends continue to reach out to the least of these...and I see God working miracle after miracle in each of our lives for us to "afford" it as we navigate the world's economy all the time relying on HIS economy!
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Plastic Surgery
We did it! I have wanted plastic surgery for months now! I finally got the guts to do it, but John wasn't so excited about the idea. However, we started Financial Peace University last Sunday, and this time John didn't argue! So after lunch, I got out the scissors, told him to hand over his credit cards, got mine out and we had a big ceremony with the kids...chop, chop! No more credit cards! Woohoo!!!!
Financial Freedom, here we come!!!!
I am determined to see every little blessing that God brings as we walk this path to financial freedom. It is not just about paying off debt or not using credit cards. It is all about walking in obedience to God's word! It is about not being a slave to a lender (Proverbs is FULL of verses about this)! It is about living on what we make, not on what we think we are entitled to make or have. It is being thankful for what God has provided, not wanting more than He has given.
Last Sunday right after the plastic surgery (in case you haven't figured it 
out yet, the plastic surgery was the cutting up of the credit cards! :) ), I had to deliver a lamp that I had sold on Craigslist to the lady who bought it. She was working at a cupcake bakery right by our house. I was glad to take the lamp to her, but I had a little sadness that I was going to this really cool cupcake place, but I couldn't buy my kids a cupcake.
out yet, the plastic surgery was the cutting up of the credit cards! :) ), I had to deliver a lamp that I had sold on Craigslist to the lady who bought it. She was working at a cupcake bakery right by our house. I was glad to take the lamp to her, but I had a little sadness that I was going to this really cool cupcake place, but I couldn't buy my kids a cupcake. When I got there, they were about to close for the day. I gave the lady the lamp, and she gave me her money. Small blessing number one: she was going to give me $8 for the lamp, but handed me a $10 and told me she didn't want any change. You may say it is only $2, but to me it was God saying, "see, I am already blessing your efforts!" THEN (blessing number 2:), she asked Ava if she wanted a cupcake! Ava of course, said yes. But it didn't stop there, she asked me how many kids I had at home. I told here there were four total, and she handed me a BOX OF CUPCAKES so all my kids could have one!!!!! That may seem silly to some, but to me it said, "Daughter, I even care enough about your desires that I am providing your children whom I love more than you ever could with a special treat!" It isn't about the cupcakes! It is about God showing me that He was thrilled with my steps of obedience and His encouragement to me that this wasn't going to be a horrible journey of denial and misery....instead it is going to be a journey of seeing God provide for us when there is a need...and even sometimes when there is a totally frivolous want....like cupcakes!
Monday, March 9, 2009
Our kids
Check out our kids! John put together this video in order for us to raise funds to cover expenses over the next few months while adoptions are on hold! If God stirs your heart as you look into the faces of the chidlren in our care (59 total...33 have families committed, the rest are being cared for totally on donations by people God has stirred to help), you can e-mail me for donation information. Thanks for looking at our kids! I think they are the cutest in the world! But I might be just a tad prejudice! :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCuHOUqCPfk
I am sure there is a way to post this directly to my blog, but you know me...technology is not my thing!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCuHOUqCPfk
I am sure there is a way to post this directly to my blog, but you know me...technology is not my thing!
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Re-Entry
Re-Entry - that is the term I use for coming home. When you travel to a third world country, there is a re-entry phase you have to go through when you come back into our society of plenty! The first time I was in Africa and then returned home, I had to leave Wal-Mart the first time I was in there because I was just angry at the injustice of it all. Here we are with all we need and most of what we want while half way around the world there are people starving and dying.
I always thought that re-entry would get easier the more trips I took. But I am finding the exact opposite to be true. It seems that each return from Liberia makes it harder and harder to reconcile the two worlds. This time has been really difficult.
Partly because of the battle I am fighting and the waiting for people in a country with starving children to move so I can help their children. That is frustrating! But God reminds me daily that He is still on the throne, and in HIS timing all will be in place for me to do what He is calling me to. I am just not very good at waiting....and I know the financial demands of running a children's home with 59 children and 14 staff...and I know our bank account balance! That brings a little fear to me...but God reminds me to trust Him, so I have to turn that over to him pretty much on an hourly basis right now!
But I digress! I have really struggled this time. I think in part because I saw more devastation this time. I went to places that are more remote. And then a big part of God's movement on this trip was meeting a man who works in a county (Liberia's word for "state") that is a two day drive from Monrovia. He showed me pictures of the village he has been working in. No one wears clothes! It is that remote and poverty stricken. They don't walk around unclothed because they don't know any better, they walk around unclothed because they don't have the resources to clothe themselves! There is more to this story, and I will be sharing it with all of you later. But for now, this is the part that has me stricken.
In my quiet time today, God took me to James. I only got through the first chapter. It was a great reminder about why God doesn't work on our time table. The first few verses are the wonderful words, "consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." Endurance...not something that is really a product of our society! You want something to eat, go to a fast food place or pop something in the microwave. If it takes more than an hour to prepare and cook, I usually skip it! Having trouble in your marriage, get a divorce. Don't like how your boss is treating you, quit and get a new job. And in the adoption world, I see more and more, the child doesn't "fit" your family, disrupt! We are a society of quick fixes and escape routes.
So this concept of endurance is foreign! I struggle with it on a daily basis. I know God is working in Liberia...and of course in my heart! But I want the tangible solutions NOW! Actually, I want them yesterday! I want adoptions moving so families can be united, finances are not a struggle, the work that God has called us to in Liberia outside adoptions can continue, etc, etc. But God is saying, wait and trust! I don't understand it! It makes no sense to me that God wouldn't allow us the resources to do the things He has called us to. It makes no sense to me that we have 33 children in an orphanage with parents, families, waiting to love them and hold them. But that is why God is God and not me! He sees the whole picture, and I just see one piece. So I must wait.
So there is the endurance part of it. But I have come to learn that waiting in the Christian walk is not a passive word, it is an active word. The wait is when God transforms me, then the outcome is just that much sweeter because I see His glory revealed.
As I continued to read James 1, the last verse pierced my heart. It is probably the most commonly quoted scripture in adoption circles: "Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress." But there is more to that verse! As I read it, God pierced my heart. The last part is, "and to keep oneself unstained by the world." Wow! The word in the Greek for unstained means "spotless, without". I am to be without the world! The world is not to have its mark on me! Oh how I miss that mark!
I am learning something about myself....I am an all or nothing kind of gall. That might sound like a good trait, but it makes my life really difficult. It makes finding balance all but impossible! It means I have a hard time going to work when the family needs me, and it means having a hard time shutting work off when I come home. Especially the work I do since it is a ministry that involves people's children, hearts and even souls. I know any of you in ministry can relate!
This all or nothing trait really complicates re-entry! When I am in Liberia, I am looking at all the needs. I see so many that $50 will give them tuition for this year to graduate high school. Just $50, that is just a portion of my clothes budget for my family that already has full closets! But these people don't even have money to eat, much less $50 for school. That is just one example of a multitude! So when I am there, I am going through our budget in my mind...cutting back in all areas so that we can give more to people who really are in need. I am motivated. I am in that world, all in!
BUT....then I return home! I am overwhelmed by the needs I left behind. I start hearing the little voice in my head that says, "The needs are too many. You will never make a dent in them." Then I turn to my world, all in! My conviction to send our clothes budget to people needing tuition melts away when I see the perfect Easter dress for Ava even though she already has a pretty dress that would work just fine.
I am supposed to be unstained by this world. I know there are many ways that we can be "stained" by the world, but finances are a tough one for me and John! We buy into the world's lies that we have to have it all, and as Americans, we feel we deserve it all.
I am not saying we should sell all our possessions and live as paupers. God placed us here, in America, in this society, and it is ok to live here. But there is balance! While I believe God is ok with us having a nice home, cars that run, nice clothes to so we look presentable, I believe He is saddened by our excess. I believe He wishes we would look to others more.
This morning, He was convicting me. Don't put your American head in the sand and pretend like you didn't see what you saw! Do the work. It will be hard, but look at your budget. Examine your heart. See where you can sacrifice the desires to give someone a need! I am a long way from having this part of my life under God's authority! But this morning, He reminded me again that while He wants me to care for orphans and widows, He is just as concerned that I remain unstained by this world....and that includes in the game of keeping up with the Jones!
I always thought that re-entry would get easier the more trips I took. But I am finding the exact opposite to be true. It seems that each return from Liberia makes it harder and harder to reconcile the two worlds. This time has been really difficult.
Partly because of the battle I am fighting and the waiting for people in a country with starving children to move so I can help their children. That is frustrating! But God reminds me daily that He is still on the throne, and in HIS timing all will be in place for me to do what He is calling me to. I am just not very good at waiting....and I know the financial demands of running a children's home with 59 children and 14 staff...and I know our bank account balance! That brings a little fear to me...but God reminds me to trust Him, so I have to turn that over to him pretty much on an hourly basis right now!
But I digress! I have really struggled this time. I think in part because I saw more devastation this time. I went to places that are more remote. And then a big part of God's movement on this trip was meeting a man who works in a county (Liberia's word for "state") that is a two day drive from Monrovia. He showed me pictures of the village he has been working in. No one wears clothes! It is that remote and poverty stricken. They don't walk around unclothed because they don't know any better, they walk around unclothed because they don't have the resources to clothe themselves! There is more to this story, and I will be sharing it with all of you later. But for now, this is the part that has me stricken.
In my quiet time today, God took me to James. I only got through the first chapter. It was a great reminder about why God doesn't work on our time table. The first few verses are the wonderful words, "consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." Endurance...not something that is really a product of our society! You want something to eat, go to a fast food place or pop something in the microwave. If it takes more than an hour to prepare and cook, I usually skip it! Having trouble in your marriage, get a divorce. Don't like how your boss is treating you, quit and get a new job. And in the adoption world, I see more and more, the child doesn't "fit" your family, disrupt! We are a society of quick fixes and escape routes.
So this concept of endurance is foreign! I struggle with it on a daily basis. I know God is working in Liberia...and of course in my heart! But I want the tangible solutions NOW! Actually, I want them yesterday! I want adoptions moving so families can be united, finances are not a struggle, the work that God has called us to in Liberia outside adoptions can continue, etc, etc. But God is saying, wait and trust! I don't understand it! It makes no sense to me that God wouldn't allow us the resources to do the things He has called us to. It makes no sense to me that we have 33 children in an orphanage with parents, families, waiting to love them and hold them. But that is why God is God and not me! He sees the whole picture, and I just see one piece. So I must wait.
So there is the endurance part of it. But I have come to learn that waiting in the Christian walk is not a passive word, it is an active word. The wait is when God transforms me, then the outcome is just that much sweeter because I see His glory revealed.
As I continued to read James 1, the last verse pierced my heart. It is probably the most commonly quoted scripture in adoption circles: "Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress." But there is more to that verse! As I read it, God pierced my heart. The last part is, "and to keep oneself unstained by the world." Wow! The word in the Greek for unstained means "spotless, without". I am to be without the world! The world is not to have its mark on me! Oh how I miss that mark!
I am learning something about myself....I am an all or nothing kind of gall. That might sound like a good trait, but it makes my life really difficult. It makes finding balance all but impossible! It means I have a hard time going to work when the family needs me, and it means having a hard time shutting work off when I come home. Especially the work I do since it is a ministry that involves people's children, hearts and even souls. I know any of you in ministry can relate!
This all or nothing trait really complicates re-entry! When I am in Liberia, I am looking at all the needs. I see so many that $50 will give them tuition for this year to graduate high school. Just $50, that is just a portion of my clothes budget for my family that already has full closets! But these people don't even have money to eat, much less $50 for school. That is just one example of a multitude! So when I am there, I am going through our budget in my mind...cutting back in all areas so that we can give more to people who really are in need. I am motivated. I am in that world, all in!
BUT....then I return home! I am overwhelmed by the needs I left behind. I start hearing the little voice in my head that says, "The needs are too many. You will never make a dent in them." Then I turn to my world, all in! My conviction to send our clothes budget to people needing tuition melts away when I see the perfect Easter dress for Ava even though she already has a pretty dress that would work just fine.
I am supposed to be unstained by this world. I know there are many ways that we can be "stained" by the world, but finances are a tough one for me and John! We buy into the world's lies that we have to have it all, and as Americans, we feel we deserve it all.
I am not saying we should sell all our possessions and live as paupers. God placed us here, in America, in this society, and it is ok to live here. But there is balance! While I believe God is ok with us having a nice home, cars that run, nice clothes to so we look presentable, I believe He is saddened by our excess. I believe He wishes we would look to others more.
This morning, He was convicting me. Don't put your American head in the sand and pretend like you didn't see what you saw! Do the work. It will be hard, but look at your budget. Examine your heart. See where you can sacrifice the desires to give someone a need! I am a long way from having this part of my life under God's authority! But this morning, He reminded me again that while He wants me to care for orphans and widows, He is just as concerned that I remain unstained by this world....and that includes in the game of keeping up with the Jones!
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Money...ugh!!!
I HATE money! Absolutely hate it! The Bible says it is the root of all evil. I say it is also the root of all frustration! John and I started our marriage debt free except for a house mortgage and one car loan. We were blessed! We just didn't realize or appreciate that and soon racked up credit card debt. We have been debt free twice since then! The last time was when we committed to the girls. We put their adoption on a credit card. I don't really recommend that...I think God wants to provide other ways for adoption fees, but I wasn't involved in the adoption world like I am now and didn't know all the outlets available. Then when the adoption failed, John and I both were angry and pretty well "spent" our frustrations since it left us in debt and broken.
Now we are even more in debt! It seems no matter how hard we try, the more in debt we get! For the past year or so, we haven't made progress because we were in denial of how much debt we had! But I was convicted several months ago about our debt and have been tracking everything and trying with all my might to come up with ways to pay it off! I was so excited and ready to climb this mountain....then the extra kids came. God blessed us beyond measure with donations of food, and even some monetary donations that have helped with the expenses, but it still wasn't enough to cover the extra cost. I don't regret one penny that we spent, and I would do it all again in a heart beat (they are with their new family now...haven't had time to post about that....and I miss them, but am sooooo excited for them and their new family!). However, it took the wind our of the sail of my resolve to get this thing done!
I am praying about getting a second job on weekends....maybe Starbucks. I think it would be a break from every day life, and maybe give us the extra umph we need to get over this mountain! But it will mean time away from my family and added stress I am sure to an already stressed life.....but we HAVE to get over this hump and get this debt paid off! Having any credit card debt just makes it too easy to add to it! We need to cut up the credit cards, but we have to have one for John's work. It is the only one we use, but it gets used for other things. It has been removed from my wallet! No chargin....period! Not even Christmas, and that may mean some people get IOU's for Christmas.
I have analyzed our spending this month....there is no extravagance! In fact, it stuck to the bare necessities...didn't even use the clothes budget for clothes as every one's closet is full (except Toben who needs more jeans, but for now I will just have to wash a load of jeans mid week to make it last!). And we are broke with the next payday 15 days away!
I know my cyber world is full of friends who are debt free and live much more admirable financial lives than we do! So post away! Tell me your secrets! How did you get out of debt? What sacrifices did you make? How do you stretch your dollars to make it work? I am ready to eat rice and beans and beans and rice if I have to. My family is probably another story, but they may just have to get over it! Tell me your secrets! I need them today!!!
Now we are even more in debt! It seems no matter how hard we try, the more in debt we get! For the past year or so, we haven't made progress because we were in denial of how much debt we had! But I was convicted several months ago about our debt and have been tracking everything and trying with all my might to come up with ways to pay it off! I was so excited and ready to climb this mountain....then the extra kids came. God blessed us beyond measure with donations of food, and even some monetary donations that have helped with the expenses, but it still wasn't enough to cover the extra cost. I don't regret one penny that we spent, and I would do it all again in a heart beat (they are with their new family now...haven't had time to post about that....and I miss them, but am sooooo excited for them and their new family!). However, it took the wind our of the sail of my resolve to get this thing done!
I am praying about getting a second job on weekends....maybe Starbucks. I think it would be a break from every day life, and maybe give us the extra umph we need to get over this mountain! But it will mean time away from my family and added stress I am sure to an already stressed life.....but we HAVE to get over this hump and get this debt paid off! Having any credit card debt just makes it too easy to add to it! We need to cut up the credit cards, but we have to have one for John's work. It is the only one we use, but it gets used for other things. It has been removed from my wallet! No chargin....period! Not even Christmas, and that may mean some people get IOU's for Christmas.
I have analyzed our spending this month....there is no extravagance! In fact, it stuck to the bare necessities...didn't even use the clothes budget for clothes as every one's closet is full (except Toben who needs more jeans, but for now I will just have to wash a load of jeans mid week to make it last!). And we are broke with the next payday 15 days away!
I know my cyber world is full of friends who are debt free and live much more admirable financial lives than we do! So post away! Tell me your secrets! How did you get out of debt? What sacrifices did you make? How do you stretch your dollars to make it work? I am ready to eat rice and beans and beans and rice if I have to. My family is probably another story, but they may just have to get over it! Tell me your secrets! I need them today!!!
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