For those who were not happy about my "to be continued" to In the Beginning, I am sorry! I didn't intend to make you wait this long, but time just isn't my friend in this season, so this morning was my first time to really have time to sit down and finish the story! And what a perfect day to finish it as it happened 11 years ago today!
Eleven years ago today I would hear words that would change my life forever! It is one of the few snap shot memories I have in my life, but I can picture the room and see everything in it like it was yesterday. We had just finished leading the youth and had our car loaded up ready to head back home to Odessa to spend the week with my parents before we jumped on a plane for a week long vacation on the beach between Galveston and Houston. This was a vacation we had planned back in November. This is a crucial detail of God's timing and sovereignty that even 11 years later makes me smile! Debbie, my friend I described in part 1, always kept Callie while we did youth events. It was her service to us. It was a huge blessing and became a huge lesson in my life of how to allow others to serve you as you serve in your role or capacity. I had protested at first when she offered because it was too big of an inconvenience. She finally sat me down one day and explained that I was keeping her from a blessing by not allowing her to do what God asked of her to help us in our ministry. She didn't say it, but God did...pride was keeping me from accepting her help. That lesson has been invaluable to me in the years since. Especially now when life is so chaotic that at times I would not make it without the assistance of my amazing friends who step in to watch a child while I go to a meeting or while John and I escape for a weekend! Back to the story.....
We were done with youth and were picking up Callie from Debbie's in order to jump in the car and leave for our three week vacation. When I walked in, Debbie was sitting in her rocking chair rocking Callie. She smiled at me and asked, "how is the adoption going?" My response was less than energetic! I explained my frustration with such a strong feeling that we needed to do something but at the same time having no direction. She smiled and spoke words that would change my life forever! She said, "I know of a little black boy who is due July 21 and needs a family!" I just laughed. It was the only response I had. Then John walked into the room. I asked Debbie to tell John what she just told me to which she declined! Debbie was a teacher, and John was her principal. Debbie knew John wasn't exactly thrilled with the idea of adopting right now. She wasn't going to be the one to deliver the news! It still makes me laugh thinking about her response! But we did fill John in on the secret and he just kind of shook his head.
We got in the car and headed out for the little over two hour drive to my parents. On the way there, we talked about the possibility. We really didn't have much information. We decided we wanted to find out more and agreed that it would be good to talk to Debbie's sister who was the person who told Debbie about the baby. Debbie's sister worked at a mission. Noah's mom was going to the mission for services. When we look back over the story, we both marvel at the fact that calling Debbie's sister is the only conscious decision we made. Everything else just "happened" as we walked in obedience taking one step after another until we were walking out of a hospital with a beautiful baby boy!
We discovered from Debbie's sister that the baby had been exposed to drugs throughout the entire pregnancy. She also shared that the birth father was unknown for sure. There were several possibilities, but the mother was pretty sure the father was African American. However as we learned more about the story, we knew there as no way she knew who the father was. That was even more evident when Noah was born! We also learned that the birth mother was bi-racial. Her mother was Caucasian and her father was African American. If the father was also African American, we knew we would be introducing our families to their first member with dark skin! We didn't figure they would be thrilled about this idea.
I don't remember having lots of doubts. We prayed about every step! We didn't tell my parents because I knew it would be a battle with lots of questions and frustrations on both sides. I wanted to avoid that if it turned out the situation didn't work out. We were told there was possibly one other family considering adopting the baby. It was not a for sure thing.....as we all know no adoption is, but this was our first experience and we were very naive about a lot of it! We would find an excuse to leave the house and make phone calls to the mission director to gain a little more information. During these conversations we learned that she was hesitant let a white family adopt her baby. Her mother had raised her, but according to what we had been told, she didn't feel like her mother had accepted her African American side. She was afraid a white family would do the same for her baby. I have to say that made me really angry. Here was a woman who was doing drugs while she was pregnant, and she didn't know if I was good enough to be a mother to her baby because I was white?! Don't worry, before this story ends, God would get a hold of me for my arrogance! We spent that week trying to discover what we needed to do in order to pursue the adoption of this baby. We talked to an attorney who explained the process of a private adoption to us.
As God would have it, we were set to fly into an airport that following Friday that was only an hours drive from the birth mother's town. The mission director agreed to drive her to us, and we made arrangements to meet for dinner. With what we had heard throughout the week, I was very nervous to meet her. In fact, I told John, "I am not going to say much or we will never adopt this baby!" I was really angry about some of the things I had heard. I didn't want that anger at the birth mom to come across as we talked. We walked into Olive Garden. We found the mission director who said the birth mom was in the bathroom. When she walked out, my heart sank. She was beautiful, but the effects of her difficult life were all over her face. She was a small woman with a precious baby belly! A belly carrying what was possibly my son. But when I introduced myself to her and shook her hand, it was shaking. This young woman was scared to death. Immediately all my judgement of her washed away! Before me stood a woman who was in a place in life I could not even imagine standing. Yes, some of it was because of her own choices, but those choices were made primarily because of the life she had lived as the child of a drug addict living on the streets. God would speak to me then and many more times throughout the evening about my view of this situation. He kept reminding me that I looked at all this very differently through my middle class raised, educated eyes. If I had lived her life, I would see things in a much different way....they way she was seeing them. And then the lesson that has repeated itself through all my ministry, but by the grace of God would it be me in her shoes too! I did nothing to deserve being born into a middle class, Christian family who loved me and provided me with all the opportunities I could possibly want! We all sat down and began with awkward small talk. But over the course of the next two hours, we would learn much about her life. This was her 6th pregnancy and she was only 26. She had placed two others for adoption, but the other babies were not so lucky. She had 3 abortions. We would later learn that she had planned to abort this baby as well, but her mother had just accepted Christ and talked her out of it. My gratitude for that can't be put into words! After a couple of hours, John just came out and said, "We would really like to adopt your baby if you are ok with that." She agreed that after meeting us, she felt we were the right family for her baby boy. She also shared that she had dropped and was beginning to have contractions. This put us in a pretty weird place! If she delivered the baby that week, we would get off the plane when my parents picked me up with one more child than we had left with! And they knew nothing about any of this at this point.
I made a decision to call them and let them know all that was happening......
More to come! I promise before long!
Showing posts with label My walk. Show all posts
Showing posts with label My walk. Show all posts
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Unbelief is Paralyzing
The funk I've been in can be boiled down to one word - "unbelief". I can relate to Beth Moore in Praying God's Word when she answers the Lord's command to believe with, "Of course I believe in you. I've believed in You all my life." And I can relate to the Lord's response to her just as much, "I didn't ask you to believe in me, I asked you to believe me." I don't remember a time when I didn't believe in God! However, believing Him, believing He can and will do what He says He will do, well, that's something I've struggled with my entire adult life. I have made great strides in my belief, and even thought I had come to a place of utter belief of God: Who He is, What He is, What He can do! But I can once again relate to Beth when she says, "I have a feeling this is one theme I probably will run into again and again in the course of my journey. Why? because without faith it is impossible to please Him...you and I will be challenged to believe Him from one season to the next, all of our days. And if we have even half a heart for God, He's likely to shake our perimeters and stir up a little excitement." I say it all the time...our home is a lot of things, but boring is definitely NOT one of them! And God is doing it again! Stirring us up...I'm finding that He lets us sit less and less in the place we are in as He challenges us to grow in Him.
In fact, I haven't even overcome my last unbelief...not in God, but in myself. For the next step of faith God is calling us to, He is asking me to believe I can do much what I had to believe I could do to bring Isabella into our home. I overcame that unbelief and welcomed her. But we are definitely still walking out that belief in a day to day basis...and frankly, most days I feel much more like a failure than a success! So as I contemplate this next step of faith while still wrestling with fleshing out the last one, I once again hear my thoughts ringing in Beth Moore's words:
"The enemy taunts us with whispers like, 'You'll never be free. You've tried a hundred times. You go back every time. You're hopeless. You're weak. You're a failure. You don't have what it takes.'...You do have what it takes. You have Jesus - the Way, the Truth and the Life. But you can't just believe in him to be free from your stronghold. You must believe Him. Believe He can do what He says He can do. Believe you can do what He says you can do. Believe He is who He says He is. And believe you are who He says you are."
There it is. The crust of my funk - I don't believe...I believe He is who He says He is. I believe He can do what ever He wants! I struggle with believing He will do what He says He will do and I just flat have lots of unbelief in the area of believing I can do what He says I can do!
But once again, my God whom I love dearly and is so personal, met me right here...in my unbelief! Beth's words have ministered to my soul. They have encouraged and inspired me through the Holy Spirit! I sat and spoke out loud the areas I am struggling in personally. The areas I feel like a failure. The areas that I don't believe I can do because of my human limitations. I sat and spoke out loud, "I believe I can _______" and filled in the blank with all the things the enemy has told me I can't do over the past few weeks. It's amazing the perspective change that gives me! I see my children as blessings and not burdens. I see tasks before me as adventures not challenges. I am amazed at just how much differently life looks with my focus on Jesus, His ways, His power, His strength; and not on me or the world!
I am refueled and ready today! I am able! Whatever comes my way today, I am able! I'm ready for a great start to a great week! I will not just survive this week, I will LIVE it!
In fact, I haven't even overcome my last unbelief...not in God, but in myself. For the next step of faith God is calling us to, He is asking me to believe I can do much what I had to believe I could do to bring Isabella into our home. I overcame that unbelief and welcomed her. But we are definitely still walking out that belief in a day to day basis...and frankly, most days I feel much more like a failure than a success! So as I contemplate this next step of faith while still wrestling with fleshing out the last one, I once again hear my thoughts ringing in Beth Moore's words:
"The enemy taunts us with whispers like, 'You'll never be free. You've tried a hundred times. You go back every time. You're hopeless. You're weak. You're a failure. You don't have what it takes.'...You do have what it takes. You have Jesus - the Way, the Truth and the Life. But you can't just believe in him to be free from your stronghold. You must believe Him. Believe He can do what He says He can do. Believe you can do what He says you can do. Believe He is who He says He is. And believe you are who He says you are."
There it is. The crust of my funk - I don't believe...I believe He is who He says He is. I believe He can do what ever He wants! I struggle with believing He will do what He says He will do and I just flat have lots of unbelief in the area of believing I can do what He says I can do!
But once again, my God whom I love dearly and is so personal, met me right here...in my unbelief! Beth's words have ministered to my soul. They have encouraged and inspired me through the Holy Spirit! I sat and spoke out loud the areas I am struggling in personally. The areas I feel like a failure. The areas that I don't believe I can do because of my human limitations. I sat and spoke out loud, "I believe I can _______" and filled in the blank with all the things the enemy has told me I can't do over the past few weeks. It's amazing the perspective change that gives me! I see my children as blessings and not burdens. I see tasks before me as adventures not challenges. I am amazed at just how much differently life looks with my focus on Jesus, His ways, His power, His strength; and not on me or the world!
I am refueled and ready today! I am able! Whatever comes my way today, I am able! I'm ready for a great start to a great week! I will not just survive this week, I will LIVE it!
Friday, February 4, 2011
Hiding from God
I realize this title is an oxymoron, or close to it, I think. There is no way to hide from an Omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent God. But when I choose to not spend time with Him, I am at least blocking Him out...as much as the Holy Spirit will allow before chasing me down, anyway!
I have hidden from God way too much the past two months. Different reasons, but all of them are rebellious at the heart of the matter. Rebellion doesn't look good on me! Definitely NOT flattering! So why do I "wear" it? Sometimes I know God just shakes his head at me...just like I do my kids when they are being less than smart!
A lot of the time I have deliberately not had my quiet times over the past couple of months. It has been because the battle of spirit versus flesh have been very present in my household. Battles with kids and how they see other kids act or being treated by their parents, battles with other family members over my stance on spiritual absolutes and what we allow or don't allow in our family, and inward battles with what I believe God is saying and my complete lack of desire to do it!
Most recently, my battle is the latter! Over the past few weeks, I have been considering a possible situation that has been placed before us. A situation that John and I have agreed would be an impossibility and as such have informed those asking us that we would not be doing it. I was very comfortable with that decision! I can give you a thousand reasons why we are justified in our response to say no to this situation. In fact, there are very few people that wouldn't want to call in the men in white coats if we walked forward in this situation! We have received very good feedback from everyone when responding with a resounding "NO!!!!!" to this situation. Very good feedback from almost everyone...and the only One who really matters, doesn't seem all that thrilled with my no!
It started with a little whisper that said, "Did you ask Me about this situation? Did you ask Me what My plan is here?" To which I quickly responded, well God of course You don't want me to do this! It would stretch me beyond what any human is capable of! It would put stress on every area of our lives! There is no way You would want us to do this. To which I hear again, "Have you asked Me what I want in this situation? Have you asked Me what I can do in this situation? Have you looked at what matters to Me?"
We had a guest couple at our church for a marriage seminar and then they spoke again on Sunday morning. Their testimony and much of their walk in their marriage, mirrors a lot of John and mine. It was very encouraging to hear them! But God also used them to speak to me about this situation. In my quiet time before hearing them speak, God stirred it in me, then as they spoke, He solidified what I believed Him to be saying.
I believe He has said that we are to say "yes" to this situation. I don't even know that the "yes" will actually require anything of us. I don't know that the actual event will occur. But I know God wants me to be willing and ready to say "yes" to whatever He calls me to. And I know that God has spoken to my heart that I am limiting Him with my human perspective. I am telling Him where His boundaries are in my life and that is pretty much like the pot saying to the potter what it will be!
So I have spent the last week sleeping in and hiding from God. I don't know that I have ever consciously avoided Him because of what I think He will tell me before. But this week I can definitely say that I have. I'm tired of being stretched! I'm tired, period! I feel like I am literally on the brink of impossibility and God just seems to be saying, not only are you going to do all that I have commanded (even the things you aren't doing yet because you are being slow to obey Me), but add this to your list!
So tonight is the first time in a week or more that I feel like I have really engaged with God. Why? Because all my other attempts this week, feeble attempts, have failed. Why? Because I had rebellion in my heart and disobedience on my mind! I was coming to God saying, "I don't want to know what you want from me....I just want you to fix this, and this, and this...THEN maybe I will consider listening to you!" God reacts to that about how I would to one of my children telling me that!
But tonight, I come before Him ready to obey. Ready to lay down my agendas, my fears, my limitations and say yes to God. Whatever He asks of me in this situation, I'm ready to walk in obedience trusting Him with the rest! Hang on folks! This is going to be one crazy ride! ...oh, and pray for John! This may just send him over the edge! :) I have already told him I think God has spoken a "yes" in this situation, and He looked at me like I was a mad woman! He had no clue what he was getting himself into 13 years ago when he watched me walk down the aisle and took me as his life partner! But I wouldn't want to be on this journey with anyone else!
I have hidden from God way too much the past two months. Different reasons, but all of them are rebellious at the heart of the matter. Rebellion doesn't look good on me! Definitely NOT flattering! So why do I "wear" it? Sometimes I know God just shakes his head at me...just like I do my kids when they are being less than smart!
A lot of the time I have deliberately not had my quiet times over the past couple of months. It has been because the battle of spirit versus flesh have been very present in my household. Battles with kids and how they see other kids act or being treated by their parents, battles with other family members over my stance on spiritual absolutes and what we allow or don't allow in our family, and inward battles with what I believe God is saying and my complete lack of desire to do it!
Most recently, my battle is the latter! Over the past few weeks, I have been considering a possible situation that has been placed before us. A situation that John and I have agreed would be an impossibility and as such have informed those asking us that we would not be doing it. I was very comfortable with that decision! I can give you a thousand reasons why we are justified in our response to say no to this situation. In fact, there are very few people that wouldn't want to call in the men in white coats if we walked forward in this situation! We have received very good feedback from everyone when responding with a resounding "NO!!!!!" to this situation. Very good feedback from almost everyone...and the only One who really matters, doesn't seem all that thrilled with my no!
It started with a little whisper that said, "Did you ask Me about this situation? Did you ask Me what My plan is here?" To which I quickly responded, well God of course You don't want me to do this! It would stretch me beyond what any human is capable of! It would put stress on every area of our lives! There is no way You would want us to do this. To which I hear again, "Have you asked Me what I want in this situation? Have you asked Me what I can do in this situation? Have you looked at what matters to Me?"
We had a guest couple at our church for a marriage seminar and then they spoke again on Sunday morning. Their testimony and much of their walk in their marriage, mirrors a lot of John and mine. It was very encouraging to hear them! But God also used them to speak to me about this situation. In my quiet time before hearing them speak, God stirred it in me, then as they spoke, He solidified what I believed Him to be saying.
I believe He has said that we are to say "yes" to this situation. I don't even know that the "yes" will actually require anything of us. I don't know that the actual event will occur. But I know God wants me to be willing and ready to say "yes" to whatever He calls me to. And I know that God has spoken to my heart that I am limiting Him with my human perspective. I am telling Him where His boundaries are in my life and that is pretty much like the pot saying to the potter what it will be!
So I have spent the last week sleeping in and hiding from God. I don't know that I have ever consciously avoided Him because of what I think He will tell me before. But this week I can definitely say that I have. I'm tired of being stretched! I'm tired, period! I feel like I am literally on the brink of impossibility and God just seems to be saying, not only are you going to do all that I have commanded (even the things you aren't doing yet because you are being slow to obey Me), but add this to your list!
So tonight is the first time in a week or more that I feel like I have really engaged with God. Why? Because all my other attempts this week, feeble attempts, have failed. Why? Because I had rebellion in my heart and disobedience on my mind! I was coming to God saying, "I don't want to know what you want from me....I just want you to fix this, and this, and this...THEN maybe I will consider listening to you!" God reacts to that about how I would to one of my children telling me that!
But tonight, I come before Him ready to obey. Ready to lay down my agendas, my fears, my limitations and say yes to God. Whatever He asks of me in this situation, I'm ready to walk in obedience trusting Him with the rest! Hang on folks! This is going to be one crazy ride! ...oh, and pray for John! This may just send him over the edge! :) I have already told him I think God has spoken a "yes" in this situation, and He looked at me like I was a mad woman! He had no clue what he was getting himself into 13 years ago when he watched me walk down the aisle and took me as his life partner! But I wouldn't want to be on this journey with anyone else!
Friday, July 10, 2009
"Boldly"
I have been studying Acts for a few weeks now. Our church is actually doing a series on Acts, but I was studying it even before then.
I am LOVING it! It always amazes me how I can read scripture that I know I have read tens if not hundreds of times before, but new things just pop out at me! Got to love that Holy Spirit who makes God's Word so fresh to us over 2000 years later!
Well, the apostles fascinate me! I feel like I can so relate to their work right now in what I am doing in adoption work. God has drawn so many comparisons for me. It has been such an encouragement, and also a charge to keep on keeping on. I don't even pretend to be anywhere near the maturity or calling of the Apostles, but God has used them to speak into my life in my little bitty corner of the world.
A word that occurs over and over when Acts describes the Apostles teaching is "boldly". This word stuck out to me because I usually speak boldly when I speak. I always have. It is a character trait that God gave me that frankly I am not so fond of. It definitely brings much ridicule and persecution...sometimes warranted ridicule if I am out of line or speaking boldly with the wrong heart, but many times I am speaking boldly at the charge of the Holy Spirit and feel as if I am stoned (with words and actions) just as Paul in Acts 14:19 (he was speaking boldly in vs 3 right before that!). I have been told that I am too bold and that I need to handle things with adoptions more softly and tenderly. Well, that goes totally against what God and the Holy Spirit is leading me in right now. There was a time when I spoke softly and walked gently with Liberian officials. We have been working in Liberia for almost 5 years. This is the first time I have gotten this "bold" in my words and actions. It is time! I love Acts 14:3 because it holds the key to this boldness thing...."with reliance upon the Lord." That is the part that was missing in my younger days that I am learning to seek in my maturing state.
Since I felt like this word "boldly" was a bright flashing light of instruction to my soul every time I read it, I decided to look it up. It is used 6 times in Acts, and 9 times in the New Testament (that means 2/3 of the time it is used is in Acts...hmmm). according to Strong's it means to speak freely, freedom of speech, confidence! Yes! I just LOVE that! Oh how that is what I have felt God screaming to my soul! Every time I contact a government official whether here or there, I second guess my boldness- I hear the voices of the critics who think they know exactly how I need to handle this process and ridicule the boldness that I have or that I ask them to take, and I just feel God screaming, "GO my daughter! It is time for boldness! It is time for my glory to be seen by those willing to see it! Speak my words! Please me, not man! If I am for you, who can be against you? Be bold, be daring. You are speaking for the people of Liberia who have no voice. I have made you bold for just a time as this!" That gets my blood to pumpin'!
I looked it up in Webster. I got even more excited! Webster defines "bold" as fearless before danger, showing or requiring a fearless daring spirit, assured, confident, adventurous, free, standing out prominently. That is what we are called to be for God! We are called to stand out for Him. We are called to show a fearless daring spirit in the face of danger or ridicule because man can do NOTHING to us spiritually speaking. Yes they can hurt our feelings, and in China and other places of persecution, they even hurt and torture our bodies, but God still calls us to be fearless or daring in spirit! Even if you are not involved in some "big" issue, you are called to be daring and fearless in spirit. Have you shared your testimony of God's goodness in your life with a stranger lately? In today's society, even that can be bold and daring in the face of danger. Speaking the name of God in front of many of today's society will get you a lecture you never wanted or ridiculed in a way you never imagined! But we are still called to do it- be bold!
I think when you are involved in a "big" issue, it is easy to neglect the times to be "bold" in the day to day. I have shared about my new friend at my office. He comes in everyday now and visits for 15 or 20 minutes at a time. I will share more about him as his life is such a testimony of our societies need for a savior! But I haven't asked him about his relationship with God yet. I want to be sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit, as timing is crucial in talking to someone about Christ, but if the Holy Spirit nudged me to bring Him up, would I? I can tell a government official how the cow at the cabbage, but would I share with a dieing soul the only thing that will bring him comfort and peace here and on the other side of life? I pray I would, and you better believe I will be looking for the opportunity to be daring in spirit to share my Jesus with this hurting soul!
And for today...I am just loving that God's word is so fresh and waiting for Him to reveal His glory in adoptions in Liberia! I know it's coming! I don't know what it will look like and it may not be packaged the way we all think it will be .....odds are, it won't be! But when He comes and shines His glory, I am going to be ready and until that time I will speak BOLDLY to anyone I can in order for ALL possible to see His glory and worship Him because of it!
Ready for my day! Go God! :)
I am LOVING it! It always amazes me how I can read scripture that I know I have read tens if not hundreds of times before, but new things just pop out at me! Got to love that Holy Spirit who makes God's Word so fresh to us over 2000 years later!
Well, the apostles fascinate me! I feel like I can so relate to their work right now in what I am doing in adoption work. God has drawn so many comparisons for me. It has been such an encouragement, and also a charge to keep on keeping on. I don't even pretend to be anywhere near the maturity or calling of the Apostles, but God has used them to speak into my life in my little bitty corner of the world.
A word that occurs over and over when Acts describes the Apostles teaching is "boldly". This word stuck out to me because I usually speak boldly when I speak. I always have. It is a character trait that God gave me that frankly I am not so fond of. It definitely brings much ridicule and persecution...sometimes warranted ridicule if I am out of line or speaking boldly with the wrong heart, but many times I am speaking boldly at the charge of the Holy Spirit and feel as if I am stoned (with words and actions) just as Paul in Acts 14:19 (he was speaking boldly in vs 3 right before that!). I have been told that I am too bold and that I need to handle things with adoptions more softly and tenderly. Well, that goes totally against what God and the Holy Spirit is leading me in right now. There was a time when I spoke softly and walked gently with Liberian officials. We have been working in Liberia for almost 5 years. This is the first time I have gotten this "bold" in my words and actions. It is time! I love Acts 14:3 because it holds the key to this boldness thing...."with reliance upon the Lord." That is the part that was missing in my younger days that I am learning to seek in my maturing state.
Since I felt like this word "boldly" was a bright flashing light of instruction to my soul every time I read it, I decided to look it up. It is used 6 times in Acts, and 9 times in the New Testament (that means 2/3 of the time it is used is in Acts...hmmm). according to Strong's it means to speak freely, freedom of speech, confidence! Yes! I just LOVE that! Oh how that is what I have felt God screaming to my soul! Every time I contact a government official whether here or there, I second guess my boldness- I hear the voices of the critics who think they know exactly how I need to handle this process and ridicule the boldness that I have or that I ask them to take, and I just feel God screaming, "GO my daughter! It is time for boldness! It is time for my glory to be seen by those willing to see it! Speak my words! Please me, not man! If I am for you, who can be against you? Be bold, be daring. You are speaking for the people of Liberia who have no voice. I have made you bold for just a time as this!" That gets my blood to pumpin'!
I looked it up in Webster. I got even more excited! Webster defines "bold" as fearless before danger, showing or requiring a fearless daring spirit, assured, confident, adventurous, free, standing out prominently. That is what we are called to be for God! We are called to stand out for Him. We are called to show a fearless daring spirit in the face of danger or ridicule because man can do NOTHING to us spiritually speaking. Yes they can hurt our feelings, and in China and other places of persecution, they even hurt and torture our bodies, but God still calls us to be fearless or daring in spirit! Even if you are not involved in some "big" issue, you are called to be daring and fearless in spirit. Have you shared your testimony of God's goodness in your life with a stranger lately? In today's society, even that can be bold and daring in the face of danger. Speaking the name of God in front of many of today's society will get you a lecture you never wanted or ridiculed in a way you never imagined! But we are still called to do it- be bold!
I think when you are involved in a "big" issue, it is easy to neglect the times to be "bold" in the day to day. I have shared about my new friend at my office. He comes in everyday now and visits for 15 or 20 minutes at a time. I will share more about him as his life is such a testimony of our societies need for a savior! But I haven't asked him about his relationship with God yet. I want to be sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit, as timing is crucial in talking to someone about Christ, but if the Holy Spirit nudged me to bring Him up, would I? I can tell a government official how the cow at the cabbage, but would I share with a dieing soul the only thing that will bring him comfort and peace here and on the other side of life? I pray I would, and you better believe I will be looking for the opportunity to be daring in spirit to share my Jesus with this hurting soul!
And for today...I am just loving that God's word is so fresh and waiting for Him to reveal His glory in adoptions in Liberia! I know it's coming! I don't know what it will look like and it may not be packaged the way we all think it will be .....odds are, it won't be! But when He comes and shines His glory, I am going to be ready and until that time I will speak BOLDLY to anyone I can in order for ALL possible to see His glory and worship Him because of it!
Ready for my day! Go God! :)
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
We are people too!
WARNING: If you are an adoptive parent, you may not want to read any further. If you do read further, please take what I say as tongue-in-cheek...well, most of it! ;) It is very sarcastic, so anyone who doesn't get my sarcasm, probably shouldn't read this either! ;) If you just flat don't like sarcasm, you are weird! Ok, sorry! That was uncalled for...what do you expect at 1:45 am when I can't sleep?! You guys are getting to see a rare side of me! Now you can all feel very sorry for John! :)
Dear adoption people,
I am writing to let you know that we adoption professionals are people too. I understand that many adoption "professionals" seem to have steel hearts. That is because they have dealt with so much heart ache they have to put on the strong face to deal with even more. While this is maybe not the most effective way to handle communications with adoptive parents, at times it becomes necessary in order to deal with all the raw emotions adoptive parents are spewing at the adoption professional. I use the term "professional" loosely here as I am well aware that there are MANY (unfortunately) people working in adoptions who are anything but professional. I have worked with some of those both as an adoptive parent as an adoption professional. It isn't fun to work with those people regardless of your position! When you care about the children, any unprofessional adoption worker drives you mad!
But we are people too...we hurt when adoptions shut down, we cry when children die, we are devastated when a parent changes his/her mind about placing a child, we struggle when adoptive parents with children home struggle with their children...I assure you we are not in this for our health! In fact, most of us have health problems brought on by stress. But we do love the children, and we do want to walk with families through one of the most heart-wrenching journeys I have ever taken and I think that is true for many adoptive families.
I digress....Please understand as you call your adoption worker that they have probably talked to 10 other adoptive parents before you who think that their case should take priority over yours. It is humanly impossible to make each case the top priority. Those of us in this for the children do our best to put the most pressing needs to move the most cases forward at the top of the priority list. Those of us who are in this because God has called us to it, spend the first moments of our day asking God to order our steps as at the end of each day the "to do" list has gotten longer and not shorter. If your task didn't make God's list, we apologize and will gladly give you His "number" for you to take it up with Him.
For those of you fortunate enough to have adoption workers who really care for the children, please understand that they are just as emotionally invested in this....probably even more so...than you are! You feel the tug on your heart and the raw emotions of the one, two, or three children you are waiting to bring home. They feel that same thing multiplied times however many children and adoptive families are in their care. When you call to tell them everything they are doing wrong, please remember all the things they have done and all the battles they have fought for you and your child. It is never wrong to question an adoption professional if you believe something fishy is going on, but when they have continually fought for you, kept you informed, etc, give them the benefit of the doubt as you question...it will go a long way! Remember that we are people too..while questioning them is not wrong, think how you feel when you are questioned despite the fact that you have given something all of your heart and most of your time. Your adoption professional is probably going to be a little defensive...this is a natural human reaction to being told you are sorry at your job. And remember that they are entitled to a private life just like you! They will have days when the burden seems too much to bear. If they communicate that to you, don't panic, reassure them as I am sure they have you many times. Don't read their blogs if you don't want to know their feelings...you post your frustrations and anger with them on your blog, they have a right to vent on their blog also! If they call you by name, sue them (well - considering what the Bible says about suing our brothers and sisters, maybe that isn't great advice...but you get my drift!), but if they are doing a general vent, don't hold it against them or don't read their blog if it bothers you!
Most importantly, please understand that no matter how well your adoption professional communicates with you, it is impossible for them to give you every little detail of every little thing! Therefore, remember that when they ask you not to do something specific, or when they tell you that something you want to do is a bad idea (especially if it might interfere with the adoption process or cause an international incident) it is wise to listen to them....they know more about the adoption process than you do. That is why they are where they are! Know that they have an understanding of the system that more than likely you don't. Heed their advice...at least give it a good long thought before you toss it to the wind and do what you want to do anyway.
If you are one of those adoption people who are fortunate enough to have a real caring adoption worker, e-mail them today and tell them how much you appreciate the way they handle themselves in this crazy adoption world! I am betting they haven't heard that from an adoptive parent in a long time...if ever! (If you are one of my adoptive parents and were brave enough to read this, I am not fishing for compliments here! :) If you know my heart for adoption, I can almost guarantee I already know that you appreciate Addy's Hope because you have already told me by the way you handle yourself in this long journey through Liberian adoptions that started at 5 months and are now up to...well, it's too depressing to write the number!)
Lastly, for those of you who think what I am saying is all just stupid and I am a whiner....open your own adoption agency! If you can process adoptions and serve adoptive families and children in need without any of these issues, then we desperately need you in the adoption community!
With warmest regards,
A Weary Adoption Worker Who Feels Much Better After Venting to the World
:)
P.S. I am weary, yes, but stay tuned tomorrow to hear an amazing story of how God graciously and lovingly refueled and confirmed my call today! Ministry is just tough and messy! But it doesn't give me a right to quit when God has called me to this work!
Dear adoption people,
I am writing to let you know that we adoption professionals are people too. I understand that many adoption "professionals" seem to have steel hearts. That is because they have dealt with so much heart ache they have to put on the strong face to deal with even more. While this is maybe not the most effective way to handle communications with adoptive parents, at times it becomes necessary in order to deal with all the raw emotions adoptive parents are spewing at the adoption professional. I use the term "professional" loosely here as I am well aware that there are MANY (unfortunately) people working in adoptions who are anything but professional. I have worked with some of those both as an adoptive parent as an adoption professional. It isn't fun to work with those people regardless of your position! When you care about the children, any unprofessional adoption worker drives you mad!
But we are people too...we hurt when adoptions shut down, we cry when children die, we are devastated when a parent changes his/her mind about placing a child, we struggle when adoptive parents with children home struggle with their children...I assure you we are not in this for our health! In fact, most of us have health problems brought on by stress. But we do love the children, and we do want to walk with families through one of the most heart-wrenching journeys I have ever taken and I think that is true for many adoptive families.
I digress....Please understand as you call your adoption worker that they have probably talked to 10 other adoptive parents before you who think that their case should take priority over yours. It is humanly impossible to make each case the top priority. Those of us in this for the children do our best to put the most pressing needs to move the most cases forward at the top of the priority list. Those of us who are in this because God has called us to it, spend the first moments of our day asking God to order our steps as at the end of each day the "to do" list has gotten longer and not shorter. If your task didn't make God's list, we apologize and will gladly give you His "number" for you to take it up with Him.
For those of you fortunate enough to have adoption workers who really care for the children, please understand that they are just as emotionally invested in this....probably even more so...than you are! You feel the tug on your heart and the raw emotions of the one, two, or three children you are waiting to bring home. They feel that same thing multiplied times however many children and adoptive families are in their care. When you call to tell them everything they are doing wrong, please remember all the things they have done and all the battles they have fought for you and your child. It is never wrong to question an adoption professional if you believe something fishy is going on, but when they have continually fought for you, kept you informed, etc, give them the benefit of the doubt as you question...it will go a long way! Remember that we are people too..while questioning them is not wrong, think how you feel when you are questioned despite the fact that you have given something all of your heart and most of your time. Your adoption professional is probably going to be a little defensive...this is a natural human reaction to being told you are sorry at your job. And remember that they are entitled to a private life just like you! They will have days when the burden seems too much to bear. If they communicate that to you, don't panic, reassure them as I am sure they have you many times. Don't read their blogs if you don't want to know their feelings...you post your frustrations and anger with them on your blog, they have a right to vent on their blog also! If they call you by name, sue them (well - considering what the Bible says about suing our brothers and sisters, maybe that isn't great advice...but you get my drift!), but if they are doing a general vent, don't hold it against them or don't read their blog if it bothers you!
Most importantly, please understand that no matter how well your adoption professional communicates with you, it is impossible for them to give you every little detail of every little thing! Therefore, remember that when they ask you not to do something specific, or when they tell you that something you want to do is a bad idea (especially if it might interfere with the adoption process or cause an international incident) it is wise to listen to them....they know more about the adoption process than you do. That is why they are where they are! Know that they have an understanding of the system that more than likely you don't. Heed their advice...at least give it a good long thought before you toss it to the wind and do what you want to do anyway.
If you are one of those adoption people who are fortunate enough to have a real caring adoption worker, e-mail them today and tell them how much you appreciate the way they handle themselves in this crazy adoption world! I am betting they haven't heard that from an adoptive parent in a long time...if ever! (If you are one of my adoptive parents and were brave enough to read this, I am not fishing for compliments here! :) If you know my heart for adoption, I can almost guarantee I already know that you appreciate Addy's Hope because you have already told me by the way you handle yourself in this long journey through Liberian adoptions that started at 5 months and are now up to...well, it's too depressing to write the number!)
Lastly, for those of you who think what I am saying is all just stupid and I am a whiner....open your own adoption agency! If you can process adoptions and serve adoptive families and children in need without any of these issues, then we desperately need you in the adoption community!
With warmest regards,
A Weary Adoption Worker Who Feels Much Better After Venting to the World
:)
P.S. I am weary, yes, but stay tuned tomorrow to hear an amazing story of how God graciously and lovingly refueled and confirmed my call today! Ministry is just tough and messy! But it doesn't give me a right to quit when God has called me to this work!
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Always getting ahead
One of my biggest faults is that I am always trying to get ahead of God. He gives me a vision or a direction, and I run with it! However, many times, I run with it on my time table with my plan...and no, that isn't working too well for me!
As I walk this crazy life trying to figure out how to determine God's will and timing instead of my own, I picked up a book by Stormie OMartian called Just Enough Light fr the Step I'm On. It has been a really good book. I mentioned it in the post about the peace with Ava's medical tests. If you have read any of Stormie's writing, you know she is pretty blunt! She doesn't really sugar coat anything. There are a few things that I don't know that I agree with on a theological level...or maybe just more of a disagreement on where she places emphasis, but she has some really good and amazing points! Here are a few that have really spoken to me!
As I walk this crazy life trying to figure out how to determine God's will and timing instead of my own, I picked up a book by Stormie OMartian called Just Enough Light fr the Step I'm On. It has been a really good book. I mentioned it in the post about the peace with Ava's medical tests. If you have read any of Stormie's writing, you know she is pretty blunt! She doesn't really sugar coat anything. There are a few things that I don't know that I agree with on a theological level...or maybe just more of a disagreement on where she places emphasis, but she has some really good and amazing points! Here are a few that have really spoken to me!
- "The wilderness is where God takes us when He wants to get Egypt out f our hearts. He wants t separate us from all that we crave, s that all we crave is Him. Just as God wanted to get the taste of Egypt out of the Israelites' mouths, He wants to get the lust fr certain comforts our of our appetites, too. It's not that He doesn't want us to ever be comfortable. It's just that He doesn't want us to depend on the comfortable. He wants us to depend on Him. He doesn't want us to love the comforts more than we love Him. When God aims us in a new direction, we have to let go of what we've known, be willing to embrace the unfamiliar, and trust that He will sustain us on the journey."
- "God wants us to surrender our dreams because we can't be led by Him if we are chasing after a dream of our own making....The dream has to be realized His way."
- "Where there is no vision, the people parish" Prov 29:18 - reminds me of the general public of Liberia! We've got to change that!
- From the chapter, "Expecting a Call": "I've seen many people who were too busy, too drugged out, too tired, to preoccupied, or to in pursuit of riches and fame to hear God calling them. Others were afraid they might be called to insignificance and s they didn't want to know about it. I've known others still who clearly heard the call of God and ran away from it. The direct line from heaven was ringing and they turned up the volume on their lives so they wouldn't have to hear Gd and answer. I've also known people with such a low opinion of themselves that they didn't believe God had them destined for anything great. So when the call came, they thought it must be fr somebody else and didn't respond.
- "The only reason it appears that some people are "more called" by God then others is that they were expecting the call and answered it."
Pretty powerful stuff if I can just apply it! :)
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Trust & Obedience
Trust & Obedience: two words that seem to be coming up consistently in my life. Two words that I am not necessarily fond of, two words I know are for my own good, two words that mean I am being stretched beyond where I have been stretched before even though I thought I would break that time.
On my face tonight. Begging God to show Himself to me, and once again two words....the widow says (could be HollyAnn says these days) in 1 Kings 17:12 "As the Lord your God lives, I have no bread, only a handful of flour in the bowl and a little oil in the jar; and behold, I am gathering a few sticks that I may go in and prepare for me and my son, that we may eat it and die." Obviously she has not heard the scripture about taking thoughts captive...oh yeah, that is in the New Testament...hadn't been written yet! So I guess she is off the hook, I however, am not! Drats!
So here is Elijah's response: "Do not fear, go, do as you have said, but make me a little bread cake from it FIRST and bring it out to me, and AFTERWARD you may make one for yourself and for you son." (emphasis mine). So I had to write in my margin: "trust & obedience first" There's those two words again.......
On my face tonight. Begging God to show Himself to me, and once again two words....the widow says (could be HollyAnn says these days) in 1 Kings 17:12 "As the Lord your God lives, I have no bread, only a handful of flour in the bowl and a little oil in the jar; and behold, I am gathering a few sticks that I may go in and prepare for me and my son, that we may eat it and die." Obviously she has not heard the scripture about taking thoughts captive...oh yeah, that is in the New Testament...hadn't been written yet! So I guess she is off the hook, I however, am not! Drats!
So here is Elijah's response: "Do not fear, go, do as you have said, but make me a little bread cake from it FIRST and bring it out to me, and AFTERWARD you may make one for yourself and for you son." (emphasis mine). So I had to write in my margin: "trust & obedience first" There's those two words again.......
Monday, November 24, 2008
How do you take Hope?
How do you take Hope to a third world country?
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As I prepare to leave again for my second home (aka: Liberia), I have been asking God what I need to focus on. There are so many things...way more than I will be able to accomplish while I am there...I need about a year, I will have about a week! But one of the things that haunts me are the pictures I brought back of the village across the street from the land that we were looking to purchase.
Do those dark brown eyes know Jesus? Do they know the One who is The Way? Evangelism has never been my "gifting", and ashamedly, I have used that as an excuse to not share in a bold way my Savior with other people.
I really have no fear of walking up and telling them about Jesus. My fear is doing a poor job of representing Him! I don't want to be the white woman who comes and brings gifts and talks of a man!
As I think through how to be Jesus to them, I ask do I bring rice? Do I bring Bibles? They can't read, so that would be silly! Is there something I can take with the Bible on it in audio that someone with no electricity, no batteries, etc can play? I am sure there is, but I don't know what it is and don't have time to research it! People do this all the time, why am I making it so hard?
Yet, as I look at the people around me, I see what a poor job I do of representing Hope to the people in my daily life! I have family members who don't know Him well or don't trust Him with their lives even if they say they know Him. If I can't share the Hope and Life with them that I have found when they see me daily and see what He is doing in my life, how in the world will I take Hope to a people I see for a mere hour or two once a quarter?
When your hungry, is rice Hope? When you are thirsty, is water Hope? If I take it will they see it from me or from Him? Should I send it with my staff who are Liberia?
God, see my heart! Guide me! Put me right in the middle of what you are doing so that You can shine through! Get me totally out of the way! John says I should have been black, and I kind of wish I was for this mission! My white skin, kind of makes me stick out and associate me with wealth and prosperity when what I really want to be associated with is Jesus! Have your way with me! Show me what Hope is to these hopeless people!
Thursday, August 28, 2008
A great reminder.....
Wise counsel from John Piper’s, Brothers We Are Not Professionals:
Ministry is its own worst enemy. It is not destroyed by the big bad wolf of the world. It destroys itself. The top 3 obstacles to spiritual growth – busyness, lack of discipline & interruptions. The great threat to our prayer and meditation on the Word of God is good ministry activity. We must secure uninterrupted meditation or we will lose power. That is the point of Acts 6:2-4.
Without extended and consecrated prayer, the ministry of the Word withers up and bears no fruit. The 120 were devoting themselves to prayer when the Spirit fell and gave them utterance with 3000 converts. These converts were also devoting themselves to prayer when signs and wonders were done and people were added to the church daily. Peter and his friends were in prayer when the place was shaken and they were filled with the Spirit and spoke the Word boldly. Paul relied on prayer that he might be given utterance to open his mouth and proclaim the mystery of the gospel (Eph. 6:19).
Without extended, concentrated prayer, the ministry of the Word withers. And when the ministry of the Word declines, faith (Rom. 10:17; Gal. 3:2, 5) and holiness (John 17:17) decline. Activity may continue but life and fruitfulness fade away. Therefore whatever opposes prayer opposes the whole work of ministry.
Under the drain of ministry, we must “withdraw to desolate places and pray (Luke 6:12). For Jesus and the apostles the work of prayer demanded significant amounts of solitude: “In the morning, while it was still dark, He departed and went out to a desolate place, and there He prayed” (Mark 1:35).
I know this to be so true in my life! I have never heard God more clearly, or walked more intimatly with Him than I have over the past 3 months. The reason for that is that life circumstances caused me to cling to Him with all my might as He was all I had at times that didn't seem hopeless or harmful. There were many weeks that I spent an hour or more in the morning in the Word in prayer and then again at night before I went to bed. It was in there precious times that He would speak and that He directed me to the place I am now which is in complete peace despite the fact that chaos abounds around me! Just a great reminder by Mr. Piper of where real life change happens and that no "good works" is substitution for being in intimate relationship with the Jesus!
Ministry is its own worst enemy. It is not destroyed by the big bad wolf of the world. It destroys itself. The top 3 obstacles to spiritual growth – busyness, lack of discipline & interruptions. The great threat to our prayer and meditation on the Word of God is good ministry activity. We must secure uninterrupted meditation or we will lose power. That is the point of Acts 6:2-4.
Without extended and consecrated prayer, the ministry of the Word withers up and bears no fruit. The 120 were devoting themselves to prayer when the Spirit fell and gave them utterance with 3000 converts. These converts were also devoting themselves to prayer when signs and wonders were done and people were added to the church daily. Peter and his friends were in prayer when the place was shaken and they were filled with the Spirit and spoke the Word boldly. Paul relied on prayer that he might be given utterance to open his mouth and proclaim the mystery of the gospel (Eph. 6:19).
Without extended, concentrated prayer, the ministry of the Word withers. And when the ministry of the Word declines, faith (Rom. 10:17; Gal. 3:2, 5) and holiness (John 17:17) decline. Activity may continue but life and fruitfulness fade away. Therefore whatever opposes prayer opposes the whole work of ministry.
Under the drain of ministry, we must “withdraw to desolate places and pray (Luke 6:12). For Jesus and the apostles the work of prayer demanded significant amounts of solitude: “In the morning, while it was still dark, He departed and went out to a desolate place, and there He prayed” (Mark 1:35).
I know this to be so true in my life! I have never heard God more clearly, or walked more intimatly with Him than I have over the past 3 months. The reason for that is that life circumstances caused me to cling to Him with all my might as He was all I had at times that didn't seem hopeless or harmful. There were many weeks that I spent an hour or more in the morning in the Word in prayer and then again at night before I went to bed. It was in there precious times that He would speak and that He directed me to the place I am now which is in complete peace despite the fact that chaos abounds around me! Just a great reminder by Mr. Piper of where real life change happens and that no "good works" is substitution for being in intimate relationship with the Jesus!
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
God's sense of humor!
I know there is some argument out there about whether God actually "talks" to us. Well, I don't care what anyone says, God talks to me! Not in a big booming voice, but in the small voice in my head that sounds like my voice, but the more I get to know Him the more I recognize the voice and distinquish it from my own. I used to tell our youth group that we led (as 'hearing' God was one of their biggest questions) when John and I were dating, he would have to say "this is John" when I answered the phone, but now that we have been married for 10 years, he no longer has to tell me that.
I digress....as I was sending an e-mail to some one this morning about an issue in my life, I stated that I am praying for one way in particular because it would be easier for us to do. As soon as I hit send, I heard the voice say, "And where would the glory be for Me if you could do it?" Oh so true!!!
I digress....as I was sending an e-mail to some one this morning about an issue in my life, I stated that I am praying for one way in particular because it would be easier for us to do. As soon as I hit send, I heard the voice say, "And where would the glory be for Me if you could do it?" Oh so true!!!
Sunday, July 13, 2008
With much sorrow....
With much sorrow, I present my nails. Yes, they are fake! There is a post forming in my mind that will hopefully be published in the near future which will help explain, but for now I will leave it at, I thought I deserved them! Ouch! That hurt to write! I have been justifying why I can keep them. I won't go through the list of justifications as it will only increase my sorrow. (I use sorrow because of a teaching my Pastor does on sin that is phenominal..as Chrsitians, we are not guilty, but we have Godly sorrow for things we do that we shouldn't, for sin - don't crucify me here...I am not saying fake nails are a sin! I am saying when we put our desires before God's commands we are sinning....this is my conviction and I am not pushing it on anyone else, just sharing!)
What brought this on? Well, I started reading Red Letters by Tom Davis. I have heard much about it and have even added my blog to the Red Letters Campaign adoption blogs, but I haven't actually read the book, so I picked it up. I am devouring everything I can right now on walking closely with God, and everything I have read says this will change me forever. I am also reading The Shack. That is amazing as well! There is another reason I am reading Red Letters. There is a pretty good chance that I will be meeting the author of this book the first part of August. It would probably be best for me to have read his work before I have a conversation with him! :) There is another cool thing about Tom Davis's rightings that I will share another time. I swear if this world gets any smaller, I will no longer fit in it!
So I read a little tonight (or this morning..whatever you want to call 12:45 am!). He talks about hoarders, people who keep what they have "safe" for fear they will not have enough. John and I have never been hoarders, shoot, we can't even save the "Dave Ramsey Emergency Savings Amount", but we are not what I would consider generous people with our resources either. We have recently met a couple that has really challeneged us by their generosity and we are being convicted. As I read Tom's explanation of the usual "if you give up your Starbucks for one day you could...." analogy, I felt a pain go through my heart! That was the Holy Spirit hitting me right on target with His arrow! I don't buy Starbucks but once every other month or so, so that little analogy usually lets me wipe my brow and say, "whew! I am safe there! No conviction needed for that! We are doing the best we can...." Well, not this time! That little arrow had a note attached to it. It read, "For what you have spent on nails this month, you could have sponsored two children in your very own orphanage!" Yikes! So needles to say, the nails will be coming off! I can grow nails for free! Fake nails are silly for me! Ok, so growing nails requires not biting mine, which is a digusting habbit anyway, right, so what is the problem? Well, we'll leave that challenge for another day! For now I know that the two girls that God has laid on my hear to disciple every time I go to Liberia will be receiving monthly support instead of my fingers getting fake nails! I will live my faith in the hopes of ending poverty in at least two lives that I know I can impact for Christ! What a privelege to walk this life with Christ! Nails are silly, but the closer I get to him, the more all the sacrifices I have made seem silly in comparison to the knowledge of knowing Him more!
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Me, the Freak!
I remember a time when I thought the song "Jesus Freak" was just hard rock. But now, it seems to be my theme song. I have written before about how I feel like an alien in this place we call home. Yet even more today than when I wrote that, I feel like a freak because of my beliefs.
We have been at a family reunion this weekend. It was interesting to say the least. One cousin I had not seen since our wedding almost 11 years ago. She walked up and I instantly saw a beautiful young woman. Now I know that doesn't sound like s strange statement, but she was not what I would normally think of as beautiful. She had long earrings that looked somewhat like chains and hung down to her shoulders. She was in sort of "earthy" clothing and had a tattoo on the top of her foot...along with one on her arm. But as I visited with this cousin, I realized why I found her beautiful, she loves the Lord with her whole heart! She has a countenance about her that makes her beautiful! That tattoo on the top of her foot is the same scripture I named my blog after. So that got me to thinking why someone that the old me would have seen as a little freaky is now so beautiful. And I didn't have to go far to figure it out.
You see, I feel much like her in many ways. I have found myself listening more and more to the "edgy" music. I don't know that it is because I "enjoy" it more, but it seems that not only is the music edgy, but the lyrics reflect lives that are lived on the edge. The lyrics aren't just about a wonderful God that makes our lives warm and cozy (while He can do that, and I love the songs that speak of His wonderful attributes), but they are about a life that is gut wrenching, that takes you to your breaking point just because you follow God in a way that people, even Christians, just don't understand.
So how did "Miss Prim and Proper in the Church Every Time the Doors are Open" become a punk rocker? Well, I think this is how.....
My faith that calls me to adopt children who don't look like me is my green hair.
My obedience to a God that asks me to go to Africa and meet a daughter I didn't get to bring home, but in the end still know I followed God in pursuing is my Mohawk.
My expectation of myself to live a life above reproach (even if that means offending even family members who choose a different life style) is the ring in my nose.
My four children whom I can't afford but have because God told us to bring home number four is the tattoo on my right arm.
My resolve to move to a small West Texas town because I know God has kingdom work for us is the ring making great big holes in my ear lobes.
My hearing God say to buy a house that has set empty for eight years and looks condemned in a tiny town that has NO real estate value is my black lip stick.
My obedience to put my dream home on the market after living in it for less than a year because God says it is time to move is the bar piercing my tongue.
My walk of faith to open an adoption ministry when I know nothing about how to do that is my combat boots.
My love that requires me to confront a friend walking in open rebellion to God is my chain around my hip.
You see, I may still look like Miss "Prim and Proper in the Church Every Time the Doors are Open" on the outside, but I am finding that as people get to know me, they look at me with the same horror because of my convictions as they would someone walking down the street with the physical attributes I described. I am just as much a freak to my family and my friends, who profess to be Christians, as someone who dresses in such a way. But the difference between the old me and the new me is that I am no longer apologizing for being the punk rocker! There is a dying world out there! There are too many hurting people who need Who I have to play the churchy games! Radical times mean radical measures! God is calling me more and more to the lost world! I hear the cries of lost people grow louder and louder. I can't ignore them! I must be more like Jesus every day so that these people crying out in agony because they are lost can see Him in me! I must look more like Him tomorrow than I did today and that means looking less like the world...even the world that goes to church! I want to be used radically by God to reach the lost and dying world! I have a feeling that there will be less and less of Miss Prim and Proper! God is calling me more and more to a place where I have to make a choice: His way or the world's way? Will I follow Him no matter the cost, will I follow Him into more isolation, will I follow Him when no ones "gets" it, or will I walk away? I have to choose to follow Him! There are people counting on me to be Jesus to them! God help me if I choose to be prim and proper over getting into the messy lives of people in need of a Savior! My view of beauty is changing! God is piercing my heart for a lost world......and maybe my nose along with it!
Thursday, May 22, 2008
What do you want from me, God?
I know scripture says that I have the mind of Christ, but many times I think my brain is short circuting if that is the case! This morning is one of those times that I want to get on my roof and shout at the heavans, "What do you want from me, God?!"
I got an e-mail last week from Sheku, the contact that informs us about Eden and has sent pictures from time to time. I just kind of read it and pretended like I hadn't. I tend to deal with stuff right now by ignoring it and pretending it doesn't exist! But with my friend waiting on her investigation outcome in SL and all our adoptive families waiting to hear about court decrees, my mind goes frequently to my little girl in SL. My heart almost can't handle thinking of her. I wonder if God is preparing a way for her to come home to us after all these years....but then I wonder if I can really handle child number 5 being a 6 year old from another culture who doesn't speak my language! Can my current children handle that disruption also? I know if God says "do it", those other questions don't matter, He will supply all our needs! But is he saying "do it" or is this one of those doors that just because it is open doesn't mean we need to go through it?
It has always been very important to us that she attend school as we know that is the key to a better life for her and her future family! So we asked him to send us her tuition bill so that we can send money for he tuition to make sure she remains in school. Past that, I don't know what our role is in her life except to cover her and prayer and be open at any time for God to say, "I promised you she would come home, and NOW is the time!" But if I am honest, I have to say that I didn't sign up for a SIX year old little girl! I would have to say I don't "want" that for my life right now, but I have to be open! And I know if that is what God wants, he will change my heart, and it will be my desire too. Until that time, we wait, pray and seek wisdom to know what to do, and look at pictures of my holding a little girl that still holds a special place in my heart whether she ever has a bed under my roof or not!
I got an e-mail last week from Sheku, the contact that informs us about Eden and has sent pictures from time to time. I just kind of read it and pretended like I hadn't. I tend to deal with stuff right now by ignoring it and pretending it doesn't exist! But with my friend waiting on her investigation outcome in SL and all our adoptive families waiting to hear about court decrees, my mind goes frequently to my little girl in SL. My heart almost can't handle thinking of her. I wonder if God is preparing a way for her to come home to us after all these years....but then I wonder if I can really handle child number 5 being a 6 year old from another culture who doesn't speak my language! Can my current children handle that disruption also? I know if God says "do it", those other questions don't matter, He will supply all our needs! But is he saying "do it" or is this one of those doors that just because it is open doesn't mean we need to go through it?
It has always been very important to us that she attend school as we know that is the key to a better life for her and her future family! So we asked him to send us her tuition bill so that we can send money for he tuition to make sure she remains in school. Past that, I don't know what our role is in her life except to cover her and prayer and be open at any time for God to say, "I promised you she would come home, and NOW is the time!" But if I am honest, I have to say that I didn't sign up for a SIX year old little girl! I would have to say I don't "want" that for my life right now, but I have to be open! And I know if that is what God wants, he will change my heart, and it will be my desire too. Until that time, we wait, pray and seek wisdom to know what to do, and look at pictures of my holding a little girl that still holds a special place in my heart whether she ever has a bed under my roof or not!
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Pure joy.....getting there Part Two
"In all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" ~Romans 8:28
"The will of God does not entertain defeat. God doesn't waste any experience in our lives....Every defeat contains a treasure." ~Mary Southerland
When I read Romans 8:28 now, I realize that my definition of "good" has changed! Used to, "good" meant it worked out MY way.
After returning from Sierra Leone while struggling through my desire to just walk away from God and all He wanted from me, there was one person whom I had been corresponding with and had told me to call her to talk about what I was facing right then. I of course put off the phone call because I really didn't want to hear what she had to say. But then, after knowing I couldn't be that "beautiful woman" with out God, I decided to call her and just see what she said. This of course was also a part of my legalism. If I *did* all the right things, then I would have griping rights for being miserable. When I called her, she told me two stories. One of them I can't remember, but I do remember thinking in my head, "ya, ya, I know that! Doesn't really help me because I really don't care!" But the other one made me stop and think! She told a story of how a friend of hers felt called to go to Russia to be missionaries. This friend and her husband believed with all that was with in them that God was calling them to Russia. They were in their retirement years, so money was not readily available. They spent over a year trying to drum up support so that they could follow God's call. After a year of support letters, speaking engagements and much prayer, they still didn't have enough to go. This friend went into a depression over not being able to go to Russia. She just knew God had called them to Russia and didn't understand why He hadn't followed through with *His* plan. My friend said she asked her friend what her goal was in going to Russia. Her friend answered that she wanted to follow God, to bring Him glory, to make much of Him. Debbie asked her, then why are you so down about this situation? Did you follow God? Did you do all you could do to walk the path you heard him call you down? To which the friend answered "yes". Then Debbie asked her, then where was your hope? Where was your trust? Basically, what is your problem? Then she said something that transformed me: If you wanted to glorify God, then you did that. He is still here. He has not gone anywhere or changed just because you didn't go to Russia. He was glorified in your obedience. He is much more concerned about what is happening on the inside of you than in working out all circumstances to your liking.
That was profound for me. It made me stop in my tracks of legalistic thinking! If my goal was to glorify God in Eden's adoption, then why was I so disappointed? At some point in the journey, my goal had gone from glorifying God to just wanting Eden home. God's "good" in this journey was to transform me from the inside out. While Eden or Addy neither one came home, I was a new person! I had learned about perseverance, I had learned about the sustaining grace of God, and I had learned the US immigration law as it applied to adoption that allowed me to work in Liberia and bring home 19 children so far. Working "it" out for good according to God's purpose was to make me a new person, a person more open to hearing his voice, a person who desired His will over my own, a person who understood that He cares so much about who I am on the inside that He would take me and all those around me on a nearly two year journey that would end in what the world would call disappointment. But as my definition of good was tranformed, I knew that God truly had worked it all for good according to His purpose because He made me new!
"The will of God does not entertain defeat. God doesn't waste any experience in our lives....Every defeat contains a treasure." ~Mary Southerland
When I read Romans 8:28 now, I realize that my definition of "good" has changed! Used to, "good" meant it worked out MY way.
After returning from Sierra Leone while struggling through my desire to just walk away from God and all He wanted from me, there was one person whom I had been corresponding with and had told me to call her to talk about what I was facing right then. I of course put off the phone call because I really didn't want to hear what she had to say. But then, after knowing I couldn't be that "beautiful woman" with out God, I decided to call her and just see what she said. This of course was also a part of my legalism. If I *did* all the right things, then I would have griping rights for being miserable. When I called her, she told me two stories. One of them I can't remember, but I do remember thinking in my head, "ya, ya, I know that! Doesn't really help me because I really don't care!" But the other one made me stop and think! She told a story of how a friend of hers felt called to go to Russia to be missionaries. This friend and her husband believed with all that was with in them that God was calling them to Russia. They were in their retirement years, so money was not readily available. They spent over a year trying to drum up support so that they could follow God's call. After a year of support letters, speaking engagements and much prayer, they still didn't have enough to go. This friend went into a depression over not being able to go to Russia. She just knew God had called them to Russia and didn't understand why He hadn't followed through with *His* plan. My friend said she asked her friend what her goal was in going to Russia. Her friend answered that she wanted to follow God, to bring Him glory, to make much of Him. Debbie asked her, then why are you so down about this situation? Did you follow God? Did you do all you could do to walk the path you heard him call you down? To which the friend answered "yes". Then Debbie asked her, then where was your hope? Where was your trust? Basically, what is your problem? Then she said something that transformed me: If you wanted to glorify God, then you did that. He is still here. He has not gone anywhere or changed just because you didn't go to Russia. He was glorified in your obedience. He is much more concerned about what is happening on the inside of you than in working out all circumstances to your liking.
That was profound for me. It made me stop in my tracks of legalistic thinking! If my goal was to glorify God in Eden's adoption, then why was I so disappointed? At some point in the journey, my goal had gone from glorifying God to just wanting Eden home. God's "good" in this journey was to transform me from the inside out. While Eden or Addy neither one came home, I was a new person! I had learned about perseverance, I had learned about the sustaining grace of God, and I had learned the US immigration law as it applied to adoption that allowed me to work in Liberia and bring home 19 children so far. Working "it" out for good according to God's purpose was to make me a new person, a person more open to hearing his voice, a person who desired His will over my own, a person who understood that He cares so much about who I am on the inside that He would take me and all those around me on a nearly two year journey that would end in what the world would call disappointment. But as my definition of good was tranformed, I knew that God truly had worked it all for good according to His purpose because He made me new!
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Pure joy.....getting there
Ok, I posted a few days ago (if I was really good, I would link it here, but I haven't totally figured all that out yet!) about the pure joy scripture. "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance" -James 1:1-2 That post described my inability to see my current struggle, which you now know is depression, as a joy.
But over the past week, God has met me in the pit! This morning, I can say that this struggle is pure joy! Not because I love being depressed but because at the end of myself, in the bottom of the pit, there is no where to go but to the arms of my Savior, my Best Friend, my Redeemer, my Strong Tower. I am totally out of the way, and He can speak more clearly. He can whisper, and I hear Him. I am forced to be still, cease striving, sit quietly, stop spinning around, and know Him...know He is God!
One of the most profound understandings I have learned from my current pastor is the difference between knowledge and wisdom. I have known for some time that knowledge "puffs you up" (1 Cor 8:1), but wisdom is the beginning of the fear of the Lord; yet I was never really sure what was the difference. Patrick always describes it as head knowledge (knowledge) and heart knowledge (wisdom). In order for a truth to become real, to pass from your head knowledge to heart knowledge where it takes root in the inner being of your soul, where it transforms us, we must experience that truth in life. As I have walked through the past four to five months (or really the last 3 years), much of my head knowledge has become heart knowledge!
So many things that I wrestled with about walking this earth as a Christ Follower and the character of God has been revealed to me in this time in "the pit". I will try to share some of these with you over the next few days.
The first one is the understanding of "salvation".
After Eden's adoption, trust of God was my biggest issue. I had stepped out in faith. I had heard his still small voice, sacrificed "my" desires for His, and "all it got me was heartache". My husband blamed me for the financial state we were in since our $15,000 adoption of two children (which with the tax credit would eventually be free) had turned into a $30,000+ non-adoption with no tax credit. My family who hadn't been too keen on the idea to begin with now really thought I was nuts. I had to watch my 5 year old wrestle with losing two sisters she already loved more than I ever dreamed she would (she still says we have SIX children!). I was ready to walk away from God. I actually told God I was finished. I know my salvation is sealed. I didn't do anything to earn it and I can't do anything to have it removed. So I came to the conclusion that I would live like so many Christians that I saw around me. I would walk in the security of eternal salvation, but my life here on this earth would be about me. I told myself there were no more rules. For the first time in my life (at least to my knowledge), I was open to willful sin (I know I sin daily, but I was always too scared of the wrath of my parents and then of God to "willfully" do any "big" sin!). I told myself I could leave John; I could have lipo suction and get a boob job; I could buy anything I wanted; I could find a man that made me feel good and just have an affair; I could go back to work so that we had money to do all the above. You name it, I thought it! Nothing was off limits! If I thought it would make me happy and ease the pain in my heart, I could do it! If it would "feel good", I could go for it! I was not talking to people in my life that I knew would speak truth. I didn't want to hear it! I didn't want them to tell me what I already knew (in my head only)! I was mad at God! I felt abandoned by Him. I knew the Bible said He would never leave me nor forsake me (head knowledge), but my heart was telling me that was a lie.
However, right before I left for Sierra Leone, a friend had invited me to do an on-line book club with her. The book was Captivating. They had started it while I was in Africa, but I had decided to try and catch up when I got back. John had accepted a contract to teach a week long course at his Alma matter in Dallas, so a few days after returning from Sierra Leone, I was in a hotel room in Dallas with a five year old and four year old. We spent a lot of time at the park, and they would nap in the afternoons. So this left lots of time for thinking. Something I really didn't want to do right then. But reading Captivating made me think. A lot of that book was very hard for me to read (for reasons not related to the adoption), but there was an underlying theme that kept me intrigued. There is a "beautiful woman" that is described several times in the book. As I wrestled with what would make me "happy", what I wanted out of this life (remember, no rules at this point), this "beautiful woman" is what kept coming to mind. This "beautiful woman" was described as being so confident of herself in Christ that when you talked to her, your soul could "breath". That she had such a peace about her that women were drawn to her because she was a place of rest for them. As I wrestled with my "happiness" I realized that what I wanted most in this world was to be that woman! Even with no rules, my heart's desire was to be that "beautiful woman". As soon as I realized that, a still, small voice said, "and just how are you going to be that woman with out Me?". And that started my journey back to God.
But over the past week, God has met me in the pit! This morning, I can say that this struggle is pure joy! Not because I love being depressed but because at the end of myself, in the bottom of the pit, there is no where to go but to the arms of my Savior, my Best Friend, my Redeemer, my Strong Tower. I am totally out of the way, and He can speak more clearly. He can whisper, and I hear Him. I am forced to be still, cease striving, sit quietly, stop spinning around, and know Him...know He is God!
One of the most profound understandings I have learned from my current pastor is the difference between knowledge and wisdom. I have known for some time that knowledge "puffs you up" (1 Cor 8:1), but wisdom is the beginning of the fear of the Lord; yet I was never really sure what was the difference. Patrick always describes it as head knowledge (knowledge) and heart knowledge (wisdom). In order for a truth to become real, to pass from your head knowledge to heart knowledge where it takes root in the inner being of your soul, where it transforms us, we must experience that truth in life. As I have walked through the past four to five months (or really the last 3 years), much of my head knowledge has become heart knowledge!
So many things that I wrestled with about walking this earth as a Christ Follower and the character of God has been revealed to me in this time in "the pit". I will try to share some of these with you over the next few days.
The first one is the understanding of "salvation".
After Eden's adoption, trust of God was my biggest issue. I had stepped out in faith. I had heard his still small voice, sacrificed "my" desires for His, and "all it got me was heartache". My husband blamed me for the financial state we were in since our $15,000 adoption of two children (which with the tax credit would eventually be free) had turned into a $30,000+ non-adoption with no tax credit. My family who hadn't been too keen on the idea to begin with now really thought I was nuts. I had to watch my 5 year old wrestle with losing two sisters she already loved more than I ever dreamed she would (she still says we have SIX children!). I was ready to walk away from God. I actually told God I was finished. I know my salvation is sealed. I didn't do anything to earn it and I can't do anything to have it removed. So I came to the conclusion that I would live like so many Christians that I saw around me. I would walk in the security of eternal salvation, but my life here on this earth would be about me. I told myself there were no more rules. For the first time in my life (at least to my knowledge), I was open to willful sin (I know I sin daily, but I was always too scared of the wrath of my parents and then of God to "willfully" do any "big" sin!). I told myself I could leave John; I could have lipo suction and get a boob job; I could buy anything I wanted; I could find a man that made me feel good and just have an affair; I could go back to work so that we had money to do all the above. You name it, I thought it! Nothing was off limits! If I thought it would make me happy and ease the pain in my heart, I could do it! If it would "feel good", I could go for it! I was not talking to people in my life that I knew would speak truth. I didn't want to hear it! I didn't want them to tell me what I already knew (in my head only)! I was mad at God! I felt abandoned by Him. I knew the Bible said He would never leave me nor forsake me (head knowledge), but my heart was telling me that was a lie.
However, right before I left for Sierra Leone, a friend had invited me to do an on-line book club with her. The book was Captivating. They had started it while I was in Africa, but I had decided to try and catch up when I got back. John had accepted a contract to teach a week long course at his Alma matter in Dallas, so a few days after returning from Sierra Leone, I was in a hotel room in Dallas with a five year old and four year old. We spent a lot of time at the park, and they would nap in the afternoons. So this left lots of time for thinking. Something I really didn't want to do right then. But reading Captivating made me think. A lot of that book was very hard for me to read (for reasons not related to the adoption), but there was an underlying theme that kept me intrigued. There is a "beautiful woman" that is described several times in the book. As I wrestled with what would make me "happy", what I wanted out of this life (remember, no rules at this point), this "beautiful woman" is what kept coming to mind. This "beautiful woman" was described as being so confident of herself in Christ that when you talked to her, your soul could "breath". That she had such a peace about her that women were drawn to her because she was a place of rest for them. As I wrestled with my "happiness" I realized that what I wanted most in this world was to be that woman! Even with no rules, my heart's desire was to be that "beautiful woman". As soon as I realized that, a still, small voice said, "and just how are you going to be that woman with out Me?". And that started my journey back to God.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
God speaks.....
I am cleaning the kitchen from breakfast and have the radio on and am contemplating this adoption thing...wondering how we will ever pay for another adoption or raising another child! But I also wrestle with the complacency of Christians toward the children of this world. American Idol Gives back touched me, but I was sickened that people who don't know Christ have more compassion for the children of this world that those of us claiming to have the love of Christ. Many (even my closest friends) would say my plate is full.....I would be crazy to adopt again, yet there are children in need, and we have love to give! Then I hear the words, "I'm about to let go and do what I believe!" I believe in reaching out to children in need of a home! God does too! So I looked up the lyrics to this song....when I read all of them, I just sat with tears streaming down my face! John is down loading it right now so I can listen to it again.....I think this is going to be one of those diving (when I proofed this I saw this spelling mistake, supposed to be divine, but decided to leave it because 'diving' fits too!) moments that when I look back in a few months or years, I will know God spoke to me and moved me from my comfort to letting go!
BarlowGirl - Let Go
From the album Another Journal Entry
Yeah, I trust in You
I remember times You led me
This time it’s bigger now
And I’m afraid You’ll let me down
But how can I be certain
Will You prove Yourself again?
Chorus:
Cause I’m about to let go
And live what I believe
I can’t do a thing now
But trust that You’ll catch me
When I let go
When I let go
What is this doubt in me?
Convincing me to fear the unknown
When all along You’ve shown
Your plans are better than my own
And I know I won’t make it
If I do this all alone
BarlowGirl - Let Go
From the album Another Journal Entry
Yeah, I trust in You
I remember times You led me
This time it’s bigger now
And I’m afraid You’ll let me down
But how can I be certain
Will You prove Yourself again?
Chorus:
Cause I’m about to let go
And live what I believe
I can’t do a thing now
But trust that You’ll catch me
When I let go
When I let go
What is this doubt in me?
Convincing me to fear the unknown
When all along You’ve shown
Your plans are better than my own
And I know I won’t make it
If I do this all alone
Friday, April 11, 2008
Crazy for sure!
Ok, I just posted about how depressed and in the pit I am. Yet, there is this familiar feeling in the pit of my stomach......I long for a baby! I truly have lost my mind! Two of you who read this are responsible for this issue! Two of our adoptive families have answered God's call to bring home children while they wait for Liberia to get their act together so they can bring their Liberian children home....one of these precious families is also expecting a baby through pregnancy! Go Courtney! Well, I was fascinated, so I asked one of them how they came to find these precious children. Funny thing, these two blamed the other for their blessing! At any rate, one of them, Carolee e-mailed me the link to the referral service where her precious little girl came from. She said to look at my own risk and I was silly enough to bookmark it! Before Carolee sent me this link, I had not looked at a situations site in two years! I told her it is all her fault! She gladly accepted blame! :) I would LOVE to have a newborn AA baby girl! I want hair to braid! I know that is crazy! But it is something that is deep in me that I can't shake...and John says I can NOT grow out Toben's hair to braid it! :(
I feel my biological clock ticking! I have always told John I may drive him crazy right now, but I truly don't see myself as a person who once kids are about grown having this overwhelming desire to have a baby. I want to have time after children to follow more of my dreams to work in adoption on a larger scale. (Courtney, this is for you!). I told John today when I am old and gray, I want to start a free domestic adoption program! That would be a dream come true for sure! But I am not getting younger, and my baby is almost two and poopied in the potty for the first time this week! So it is time for a baby around here!
Having said that I confess that I e-mailed about an AA baby girl due here in Texas at the end of May. The only thing standing between us and her is about $24,000! So John said look at the state to see if they have any availabilities. So I did. I know they never have babies on their sites, but I found these statistics that just made my jaw drop! (Note, these statistics were BEFORE the 416 children were removed from the polygamist compoung in El Darado outside San Angelo about 2 hours from here!)
Are children available for adoption in Texas? Yes, through both public and private adoption agencies. For example, in 2004, Texas had 10,047 children in the welfare system waiting to be adopted of whom 553 were under the age of 1 year, and 3,535 were between ages 1-5 years old. The actual number of children adopted through Texas public child welfare agencies was only 2,556, which represents only a small portion of the total number of all Texas adoptions (exact numbers are not available at this time).
Did you see that???? 10,047 children!!!! That is a whole town! What are we waiting on? Maybe I should do this even in my pit!!! The Christian community HAS to step up! Children need us...children right here in our own back door! I don't have to go to Africa to find children in need...there are 10,047 right here in my state...just one of 50 in this great nation we call home! But I know I am preaching to the choir here since all my readers are adoptive families! :) Thanks for letting me get on my soap box for just a minute there!
In Texas, they are actually looking for churches to step up and help with this issue. This is off the state departments website:
Prior to 1875 the faith community was the institution that dealt with the miss treatment of children. We would like for the faith community to get involved again with the mission of helping abused and neglected children.
Child Protective Services (CPS) needs foster parents for children of all races and ethnicity's, ages newborn through 17. CPS also is seeking adoptive families for a wide range of children with a special emphasis on older children and sibling groups.
In FY 2007 CPS received over 241,000 reports of child abuse and neglect, completed 163,466 investigations and confirmed that over 71,000 children were victims of child abuse. The state of Texas is asking for your help. We understand that as an agency we can not care for all the children in the state alone. Sometimes it takes a congregation to raise a child.
John doesn't know this yet (he fell asleep on the couch while I was doing adoption searches hee!hee!), but I put in a request for information from the state department for foster/adopt. There is an informational meeting (we went to one in 2000 in Lubbock) on April 22. Maybe we will go........
I feel my biological clock ticking! I have always told John I may drive him crazy right now, but I truly don't see myself as a person who once kids are about grown having this overwhelming desire to have a baby. I want to have time after children to follow more of my dreams to work in adoption on a larger scale. (Courtney, this is for you!). I told John today when I am old and gray, I want to start a free domestic adoption program! That would be a dream come true for sure! But I am not getting younger, and my baby is almost two and poopied in the potty for the first time this week! So it is time for a baby around here!
Having said that I confess that I e-mailed about an AA baby girl due here in Texas at the end of May. The only thing standing between us and her is about $24,000! So John said look at the state to see if they have any availabilities. So I did. I know they never have babies on their sites, but I found these statistics that just made my jaw drop! (Note, these statistics were BEFORE the 416 children were removed from the polygamist compoung in El Darado outside San Angelo about 2 hours from here!)
Are children available for adoption in Texas? Yes, through both public and private adoption agencies. For example, in 2004, Texas had 10,047 children in the welfare system waiting to be adopted of whom 553 were under the age of 1 year, and 3,535 were between ages 1-5 years old. The actual number of children adopted through Texas public child welfare agencies was only 2,556, which represents only a small portion of the total number of all Texas adoptions (exact numbers are not available at this time).
Did you see that???? 10,047 children!!!! That is a whole town! What are we waiting on? Maybe I should do this even in my pit!!! The Christian community HAS to step up! Children need us...children right here in our own back door! I don't have to go to Africa to find children in need...there are 10,047 right here in my state...just one of 50 in this great nation we call home! But I know I am preaching to the choir here since all my readers are adoptive families! :) Thanks for letting me get on my soap box for just a minute there!
In Texas, they are actually looking for churches to step up and help with this issue. This is off the state departments website:
Prior to 1875 the faith community was the institution that dealt with the miss treatment of children. We would like for the faith community to get involved again with the mission of helping abused and neglected children.
Child Protective Services (CPS) needs foster parents for children of all races and ethnicity's, ages newborn through 17. CPS also is seeking adoptive families for a wide range of children with a special emphasis on older children and sibling groups.
In FY 2007 CPS received over 241,000 reports of child abuse and neglect, completed 163,466 investigations and confirmed that over 71,000 children were victims of child abuse. The state of Texas is asking for your help. We understand that as an agency we can not care for all the children in the state alone. Sometimes it takes a congregation to raise a child.
John doesn't know this yet (he fell asleep on the couch while I was doing adoption searches hee!hee!), but I put in a request for information from the state department for foster/adopt. There is an informational meeting (we went to one in 2000 in Lubbock) on April 22. Maybe we will go........
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