This is a blog post that has been floating around for some time now in my head, but just can't seem to stop long enough to get anything down these days! But on this Thanksgiving eve, the house is quiet and I'm enjoying some time of reflection. So here ya go!
John works for a state agency in education. As such he has contact with many districts locally and many other people state wide. All that to say, he gets asked to apply for jobs fairly regularly. Anyone who knows John knows that is dangerous since he thrives on change (hince the 9 houses in 11 years of marriage and four jobs in his current place of employment in 5 years)! He has learned to not entertain these requests on a regular basis or I would go bonkers...I'm the not-so-fond of change one!
But I knew something was different when he came home a few weeks ago and said he had been asked to apply at a small district not too far from here. I could tell he was actually considering this one. It took me by surprise. But the more we talked about it, the more there seemed to be some valid reasons to consider it. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized I really do miss a lot about small town life and I REALLY miss living in the country where I can watch the sunrise and sunset as I connect with God in amazing ways in nature! I can just hear his voice so much clearer and feel His presence in a stronger way when I am away from the distractions of a city. There are a couple of our kids who would really thrive in the environment that this job offered for them in school. And then there was the obvious career benefit for John. It would give him some vital experience that he needs to take the next step in his career. So we continued to pray, and John started talking to the key people about the job. Not too long into the process we found out the house that was provided as part of the package (a common thing in small town schools in the middle of no where as an incentive to attract administrators to schools) was only 3 bedroom and two bath. We have to have at least four bedrooms. The two bath we could find a way to live with, but we would have to have a 4th bedroom. We initially thought this was a closed door. But the powers that be asked us to come look at the house because there were a couple of rooms that could be bedrooms. So we agreed. We weren't sure where those rooms were that could be bedrooms, but there was a garage that could easily be converted, and we decided we could make it work! If this is where God wanted us, we could and would make the house work. We would be in close quarters, but we also realize we are tremendously blessed with our current house. We were willing to do whatever necessary to be where God wanted us. I have failed to mention one of the biggest perks of this job. Taking this job would have put at least $4,000 into our monthly budget. Yes, I meant to put that many zero's! That meant we could easily pay off all debt in a year and still take a trip to Disney in the next year! John and I both started dreaming of what it would mean to be able to buy groceries without scrimping here and there. We could actually afford to just go get the boys tennis shoes when they needed them instead of having to wait until the next pay day and pray that no one else's toe would start sticking out of their shoe before the next pay day! It would mean more flexibility to help with the agency like being able to hire a house keeper or have a couple days a week where Journey and Madison were both in some kind of childcare so that I could work without interruption. The list goes on and on of what that kind of money in our monthly budget would do for us.
But no matter how many pro and con lists we made and no matter how much we wanted the financial freedom this would bring, we had no peace about taking the job. God finally just gave me an answer that was simply "stay" - followed by "trust Me". I knew God was calling me to live out Matthew 6 in a way I never have...and at a time when believing God for things has been a struggle, God was asking me to not worry about what I would wear or what I would eat, or even about John's career but to trust Him! He was asking me to seek Him and His righteousness first....and I believe everything else will be added to us!
After hearing how much the new tires cost on the suburban this morning and struggling to find the money to buy Christmas for the kids, I have at times questioned why we didn't just take the money and go! But I know that God is doing a new work...He is asking me to trust Him with our finances and with His provision for us! I am excited to see how God shows off in this area! Stay tuned......
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
One year ago today
Our first ever mother/daughter picture!One year ago today, Paizley came to live with us....forever. This year has been one of the hardest of my life. I just finished "Wait No More" a book by a family who adopted from CPS and she now works for Focus on the Family in CO. There is a quote in there that goes something like adopting teenagers is like pouring gasoline on the fire of your own sins. I can testify to that! While we have had our struggles trying to mesh our two worlds and become a family, the majority of my hard times this year have been seeing my own flaws and struggles magnified and having to deal with them.
We still have our things to work through. Some of them pretty major. But as I sat and talked to Paizley today, I shared that even with all the heartache and struggles of the past year, I would do it again. She wanted to know why and through my own tears I told her because she is worth it. I watched as the tears fell from her eyes as she heard me say that she needed a mother and God wanted me to be in that role for her. And just on that fact alone, it is all worth it and I would do it all again. If someone had said to me, this is exactly what the next year will bring and this is how you will feel and these are the trials this decision will bring, I would not have said yes! But that is why it's called faith! And that is why I am thankful God calls us to what I've come to refer to as blind obedience! I was as educated on the issues of adopting an older child from CPS as anyone can be, but nothing could have prepared me for this past year. But God has carried me through it and I have learned more about Him in the past year than any other year of my life!
So on this eve of Thanksgiving, I am thankful that one year ago today I didn't know what the year in front of me would hold and I opened my door and my heart to an amazing young woman who needed a mother and a father and brothers and sisters...and even more than all that, she needed to know He Savior in an intimate way. I am thankful that God has allowed us to walk this journey. And I am trusting Him with the year we are entering now!
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Freedom from Food: 40 Days
There are so many blog posts rattling around in my head...but no time to sit and get them out here! This is a rare moment when babies are asleep, Paizley is at work and the rest of the kids are at a movie with John's parents. And thanks to the help of my amazing friend Elizabeth, my house is clean, so I'm going to get this post out of my head and down here in print!
Several weeks ago, God told me to fast from meat and sweets. I started several times only to talk myself out of it when it got hard. I really don't understand fasting except to know that it is a spiritual discipline that we are expected to partake in when told to do so. And that with each fast I do, I learn a little more about what it does for me and my relationship with God....especially in the battle with food addiction. I wasn't talking myself out of the fast because I didn't want to obey, but I couldn't really get my mind around why I would be fasting from just meat and sweets or what purpose this fast was serving. I'm one of those children who needs to know "why"! I am mature enough to realize God doesn't have to answer the "why", and I'm still accountable to walk in obedience, but this time, He was gracious enough to know my unspoken request to know why and gave it to me!
40 days ago, I was reading the two devotions that I get every day: Proverbs 31 and David Wilkerson. The two were on nothing similar, but God took both of them and lead me right where I needed to be! The Proverbs 31 was on discipline and the David Wilkerson was on unbelief. David talked about how unbelief is the underlying sin of most sin and disobedience. He hit the nail on the head with me! I had just spent some time wrestling with God over some issues of unbelief. But then the Proverbs 31 was on discipline and took me to Hebrews 12: 11-13.
For the time being no discipline brings joy, but seems grievous and painful; but afterwards it yields a peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it [a harvest of fruit which consists in righteousness--in conformity to God's will in purpose, thought, and action, resulting in right living and right standing with God]. So then, brace up and reinvigorate and set right your slackened and weakened and drooping hands and strengthen your feeble and palsied and tottering knees, and cut through and make firm and plain and smooth, straight paths for your feet [yes, make them safe and upright and happy paths that go in the right direction], so that the lame and halting [limbs] may not be put out of joint, but rather may be cured. (Amplified version)
God immediately spoke that the fast from sweets and meat was discipline. It was God correcting in me the idolatry of food in my life. He was putting me straight! I thought a fast should be warm and fuzzy and bring me these feelings of closeness to God. But God was showing me that this fast would not be warm and fuzzy because it was discipline. In fact, it will be grievous and painful at times. One version even said sorrowful to mind and body. BUT....in the end, when I had been trained by it, I would yield fruit of righteousness....a harvest of fruit which will bring me into conformity to God's will in purpose, thought, and action resulting in right living and right standing with God! Praise Jesus!!!! That is exactly where I want to be! And my love of food has blocked that so many times in my life! I immediately had not only a purpose for the fast, but a hope like I haven't had in a long time of breaking the bondage of addiction to food!
This is what David Wilkerson then had to say about unbelief:
"Unbelief today is as destructive as it ever was. We may not turn into a pillar of salt, but we do become stiff-necked and bitter! The ground does not open up to swallow us, but we are swallowed by troubles, stress and family problems. Fire does not come down and consume us, but our spiritual life is destroyed."
How could this man whom I have never met have just described perfectly the condition of my life?
But God didn't even stop there! He went on! I love Beth Moore's Praying God's Word and use it often. God reminded me of her section on Unbelief and prompted me to once again read her narrative before the scripture prayers. I've read this tens of times over the years, but it was like reading it for the first time as God used this to speak directly to me about the 40 day fast! Here is the deal. I had sat down the night God showed me all this to ask Him where He was in two major times in my life that I felt He had let me down. I was wrestling with moving forward in belief and faith in any are of my life with these two doubts looming over my head! As I asked God for answers to those times, he took me to unbelief. These two events had left me with so much doubt about God. They left me with so many fears that walking in faith would always end badly. I wanted to believe, but every time I would try to move forward, the enemy would bring up these two particular events. As I read what Beth Moore had to say, it all became clear! God was asking me to fast these 40 days from meat and sweets because He was not only disciplining me, but He was breaking loose all the bondage food had on me, but even greater than that, He wanted to free me from unbelief! Beth Moore says, "Believing God is never more critical than when we have strongholds that need to be demolished. Believing God is also rarely more challenging...But you can't just believe in Him to be free from your stronghold. You must believe Him. Believe He can do what He says He can do. Believe you can do what He says you can do. Believe He is who He says He is. And believe you are who He says you are." Wow! That's what I needed right there! I didn't believe any of those statements, and God wanted to seal this deal for ever!
I began journaling based on the words from Hebrews 12 and then Beth's commentary on unbelief. This is what I journaled that night 40 days ago:
"During the 40 days I will be taking a new grip with my tired hands, strengthening my knees (what I use to walk where God shows) and will have a clear path - boundaries for my feet so on my bad days (when I am weak) I will not fall (fail - turn to food again, because there are no boundaries since food, unlike alcohol or drugs is necessary for life). Then the limb which is lame - my unbelief - will be healed."
I was so excited! I was nearly dancing around the sunroom in praise! Then I heard God's voice and I wrote:
"At the end of 40 days, you will be healed, delivered, free! The 100 lbs will come off - you will hit your goal of (He gave me a number which even in my transparency am not comfortable sharing with the world! LOL!)." Then I heard as clearly as I have ever heard God....almost audible
NEVER DOUBT ME AGAIN
And so the 40 day journey began.
The spiritual battles and the weariness of the last 40 days have been insane, but I have not wavered in my belief. The fast is complete at midnight tonight...and I am expecting big things! I know my chains of addiction to food are going to fall off, and my unbelief will be behind me! There are really no words to describe the journey of the past 40 days or the excitement or thankfulness I have for what God has shown me during this fast. God has taken me through scripture after scripture in the Bible where He did something so someone would believe or would have faith. I know that what I will witness in the days and weeks to come will be a stone of remembrance in my life as a time when my belief and faith were increased beyond what they have ever been before!
Several weeks ago, God told me to fast from meat and sweets. I started several times only to talk myself out of it when it got hard. I really don't understand fasting except to know that it is a spiritual discipline that we are expected to partake in when told to do so. And that with each fast I do, I learn a little more about what it does for me and my relationship with God....especially in the battle with food addiction. I wasn't talking myself out of the fast because I didn't want to obey, but I couldn't really get my mind around why I would be fasting from just meat and sweets or what purpose this fast was serving. I'm one of those children who needs to know "why"! I am mature enough to realize God doesn't have to answer the "why", and I'm still accountable to walk in obedience, but this time, He was gracious enough to know my unspoken request to know why and gave it to me!
40 days ago, I was reading the two devotions that I get every day: Proverbs 31 and David Wilkerson. The two were on nothing similar, but God took both of them and lead me right where I needed to be! The Proverbs 31 was on discipline and the David Wilkerson was on unbelief. David talked about how unbelief is the underlying sin of most sin and disobedience. He hit the nail on the head with me! I had just spent some time wrestling with God over some issues of unbelief. But then the Proverbs 31 was on discipline and took me to Hebrews 12: 11-13.
For the time being no discipline brings joy, but seems grievous and painful; but afterwards it yields a peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it [a harvest of fruit which consists in righteousness--in conformity to God's will in purpose, thought, and action, resulting in right living and right standing with God]. So then, brace up and reinvigorate and set right your slackened and weakened and drooping hands and strengthen your feeble and palsied and tottering knees, and cut through and make firm and plain and smooth, straight paths for your feet [yes, make them safe and upright and happy paths that go in the right direction], so that the lame and halting [limbs] may not be put out of joint, but rather may be cured. (Amplified version)
God immediately spoke that the fast from sweets and meat was discipline. It was God correcting in me the idolatry of food in my life. He was putting me straight! I thought a fast should be warm and fuzzy and bring me these feelings of closeness to God. But God was showing me that this fast would not be warm and fuzzy because it was discipline. In fact, it will be grievous and painful at times. One version even said sorrowful to mind and body. BUT....in the end, when I had been trained by it, I would yield fruit of righteousness....a harvest of fruit which will bring me into conformity to God's will in purpose, thought, and action resulting in right living and right standing with God! Praise Jesus!!!! That is exactly where I want to be! And my love of food has blocked that so many times in my life! I immediately had not only a purpose for the fast, but a hope like I haven't had in a long time of breaking the bondage of addiction to food!
This is what David Wilkerson then had to say about unbelief:
"Unbelief today is as destructive as it ever was. We may not turn into a pillar of salt, but we do become stiff-necked and bitter! The ground does not open up to swallow us, but we are swallowed by troubles, stress and family problems. Fire does not come down and consume us, but our spiritual life is destroyed."
How could this man whom I have never met have just described perfectly the condition of my life?
But God didn't even stop there! He went on! I love Beth Moore's Praying God's Word and use it often. God reminded me of her section on Unbelief and prompted me to once again read her narrative before the scripture prayers. I've read this tens of times over the years, but it was like reading it for the first time as God used this to speak directly to me about the 40 day fast! Here is the deal. I had sat down the night God showed me all this to ask Him where He was in two major times in my life that I felt He had let me down. I was wrestling with moving forward in belief and faith in any are of my life with these two doubts looming over my head! As I asked God for answers to those times, he took me to unbelief. These two events had left me with so much doubt about God. They left me with so many fears that walking in faith would always end badly. I wanted to believe, but every time I would try to move forward, the enemy would bring up these two particular events. As I read what Beth Moore had to say, it all became clear! God was asking me to fast these 40 days from meat and sweets because He was not only disciplining me, but He was breaking loose all the bondage food had on me, but even greater than that, He wanted to free me from unbelief! Beth Moore says, "Believing God is never more critical than when we have strongholds that need to be demolished. Believing God is also rarely more challenging...But you can't just believe in Him to be free from your stronghold. You must believe Him. Believe He can do what He says He can do. Believe you can do what He says you can do. Believe He is who He says He is. And believe you are who He says you are." Wow! That's what I needed right there! I didn't believe any of those statements, and God wanted to seal this deal for ever!
I began journaling based on the words from Hebrews 12 and then Beth's commentary on unbelief. This is what I journaled that night 40 days ago:
"During the 40 days I will be taking a new grip with my tired hands, strengthening my knees (what I use to walk where God shows) and will have a clear path - boundaries for my feet so on my bad days (when I am weak) I will not fall (fail - turn to food again, because there are no boundaries since food, unlike alcohol or drugs is necessary for life). Then the limb which is lame - my unbelief - will be healed."
I was so excited! I was nearly dancing around the sunroom in praise! Then I heard God's voice and I wrote:
"At the end of 40 days, you will be healed, delivered, free! The 100 lbs will come off - you will hit your goal of (He gave me a number which even in my transparency am not comfortable sharing with the world! LOL!)." Then I heard as clearly as I have ever heard God....almost audible
NEVER DOUBT ME AGAIN
And so the 40 day journey began.
The spiritual battles and the weariness of the last 40 days have been insane, but I have not wavered in my belief. The fast is complete at midnight tonight...and I am expecting big things! I know my chains of addiction to food are going to fall off, and my unbelief will be behind me! There are really no words to describe the journey of the past 40 days or the excitement or thankfulness I have for what God has shown me during this fast. God has taken me through scripture after scripture in the Bible where He did something so someone would believe or would have faith. I know that what I will witness in the days and weeks to come will be a stone of remembrance in my life as a time when my belief and faith were increased beyond what they have ever been before!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
