From Mimi to Mommy

It is here. The day that I will officially go from Mimi to Mommy.  I have been in the role of mommy for some months now, but today it will be a legal, final title.

As John and I sat and talked about it, we both agreed that there are no words for the emotions.  This is our 5th time to go before officials and declare our desire to make a child not born to us our legal child as if they were.  There has always been such an excitement and grand anticipation of this day before.  But this time is different.  This time, that declaration carries with it such a heavy burden.

My road from Mimi to Mommy is a long and twisty one.  The road started with a simple nod.

"So, are you pregnant?" And then the head nod that would turn my world upside down.

It took time, but we worked through it.  We accepted that the daughter we had just taken in as our daughter, was now going to be a mother.  And we were going to be grandparents...at 38 years young! The months ahead were spent trying to prepare a young girl how to be a woman and mother.  I am sure we made many mistakes! But I know we did the best we could with what we knew and what we had to offer.  And I know above all else, that we went to God with every decision we had to make and every questions we had about what was next over those weeks and months!  He has been so faithful!  I held my daughter's hand as she gave birth to her daughter on July 18, 2012. It was an emotional day for all of us! No matter what our past was, a new life had been born!  A life God created with a purpose and a plan, a hope and future that was good! And a Mimi was born!

I would only get to love on my sweet girl for 5 weeks before she would leave our home when her mother ran away with her.  It was one of the darkest and most confusing times of my life.  Again, I am sure we made many mistakes, but we did the best we could with what we had and what we knew at that time.  I would kiss her sweet face as she slept in a car seat that her mother carried as she walked out of the police station a few days later not knowing when or if I would ever see them again.  I had to turn her totally and completely over to God! I would have worried myself into complete dysfunction if I had not just rolled her safety and well being over to God and left it with Him. Some days seemed unbearable.  Others just left me in a heap of tears with aching arms to hold my daughter and my grandbaby. 

We would only see her three or four times for just minutes at a time over the next 10 months.  When we did see her, we were strangers.  The joy of getting to see her was always met with the reality and heartbreak that she had no clue who we were!  It was an agonizing pain like none I had ever known.  And I was powerless to do anything about it.  During those months we heard through the grapevine that we were going to be grandparents again.

On June 11, 2013 I once again stood in a delivery room as a baby boy would enter this world!  He didn't want to breathe at first.  I stood over him while he was in the warmer speaking life and praying complete health over him as nursery nurses were called up in case he became distressed.  After what seemed like an eternity, they allowed us to hold him and felt confident he was going to be just fine. 

We spent the next three weeks trying to build a relationship with our daughter and her new family.  God would use this time to bring truth to light in a way that can only be accredited to Him! And on July 3 we received a phone call that we never dreamed we would receive.  Our grandbabies had been left with John's parents.  CPS would be coming to get them after the holiday to determine where they would be placed.  The next hours were a blur as God literally lit each and every step for us to take! We learned things in minutes that I had never heard in years of a career with children! And on July 5, a judge granted us full custody of our two grandbabies.  We now had 8 children in our home ages 13, 12, 8, 7, 3, 23 months, 11 months, and 3 weeks. 

We intervened only to keep them safe.  Our plan was for our daughter to get settled and the children return to her.  From the time we found out she was pregnant, we had made it our goal to support and equip her to be a mother to her children.  God would orchestrate a move half way across Texas just weeks after we gained custody of the babies.  So we left all our support system and moved with 8 children, four of whom were 3 and under.  It was the hardest year of my life! John and I looked at each other on more than one occasion and said, "We can't do this!"  But when we would stop to pray about it, God would always take us back to how they came to be with us.  There was No. Way. that could have happened outside of God orchestrating all the events just as He did.  And what option did we have?  If there had been any other way to keep them safe, we would have done it.  But God made it clear, their place was with us. The enemy tried in so many ways to convince us we couldn't or shouldn't do it.  But God was faithful to always bring us back to how they came to us, and remind us that He has a plan and a purpose for them...and that is ultimately whey they are with us.  We are to raise them to be His children for His kingdom purposes!

We would learn that a third grandbaby was on his way into the world.  After much prayer and consideration, we agreed that the two babies needed to stay with us in order to secure a permanent, stable home.  And again, God made a way where we saw No. Way.  In March 2014, relinquishment papers were signed allowing us to be free and clear to legally adopt the children ensuring that they will stay with us.  And just like that my role changed from Mimi to Mommy. 

It sounds so cut and dry.  And I guess on legal papers, it is.  But in my heart, it is anything but easy or cut and dry.  I should be excited about tomorrow!  And on some level I am.  I am excited that legally, there will be nothing that can take these two precious ones out of my home.  I am excited that there will be legal paperwork to support what I already know in my heart...they are mine. But it also is a death of a dream.  A dream of getting to be Mimi to two precious children while I watched their mother, my daughter, raise them.  It means realizing that they will have to wrestle one day with how and why their Mimi had to become their Mommy.  There will be hard questions.  There will be brokenness that will have to be healed.  I always said when we started fostering that the emotions I had during the process were just unnatural.  I did not know what to do with the emotions as there are no files in my brain to put them in because they are just not natural feelings. In a perfect world, there would be no need for adoption!  There would be no orphans.  This process has been much like that.  There are just no files to sort out the emotions that come.  There will be deep mourning over my daughter losing her role as mother for her children.  And that breaks my heart in ways I never even knew it could break.

But as I think about last night when Ella (formerly Peighton) played on the stairs at the restaurant where we were eating, I get excited about tomorrow!  Why?  Because while playing on the stairs, she did a free fall about three steps up for Callie to catch her!  No bid deal, you think?  It is a HUGE. DEAL.  It showed trust!  The little girl who came to live with us was scared, confused, slept for three days straight, and cried just about non stop!  But before me stood a confident, trusting, giggling little girl who just gets to be a little girl! And that makes me happy.  And that makes all the sacrifices worth it!

And DJ, well you can ask anyone who knows him! He has a light in him that shines bright! And his smile can melt a heart in an instant! He is my boy!

Even as I sat down to really process things before we head to court, God showed up! I was going to look up the scriptures He had given me for Ella last year about this time.  I knew they were in Isaiah but would have to do some looking to find exactly where.  But as I opened my Bible to look, it opened to the exact page with the scriptures marked with her name! It was just one more encouragement from God that we are doing the right thing for them.

Today, the third time that we have scheduled court, we are FINALLY going to make this official! This Mimi is becoming their Mommy! And because EVERY adoption should be celebrated, I am going to do my best to lay aside why we are at this place and celebrate the fact that I have two more arrows in my quiver who are a blessing from God in order for me to train and equip them for their Kingdom purposes! The road has not been an easy one, but today, I lay it all down and embrace the title of Mommy with thanksgiving, excitement and joy!