I Am Signficant

Any of you struggle with insignificance? Can I just tell you that is the number one weapon the enemy has used against me in just about every area of my life for my entire life! I had amazing parents, I was (and still am, by the way!) Daddy's little girl! By all accounts, I should not struggle with insignificance!  Can I tell you something else? The enemy is out to steal, kill and destroy us! He doesn't care what our past is, he only cares what will keep us out of the destiny God is calling us into!

Insignificance has plagued me as a teen who never thought she was good enough for the "in" crowd, to a young adult who was sure no man would ever want what she had to offer because she wasn't what men wanted in a wife.  And now as even a women sure and confident of her calling in life with the blessing of a job in that calling, I have been crippled by insignificance! God has given me dreams and visions for what Addy's Hope can be.  But immediately the enemy comes in with the thoughts, "you are the small agency! You can't do that!"  "You don't have the right degree, the right experience, the right __________ to do that! Just go back to your little corner and take your place among the insignificant people!" And so I would go, head down, tail between my legs, back to my corner all the time telling God why it is I am not enough or don't have enough to do what He has clearly said I should do.

Well, a couple of weeks ago something in me clicked.  I am really not sure what it was.  I don't really even know the exact moment it happened, but at some point the woman inside of me that knows who God made her to be stepped up to the microphone and told those other voices to Shut. Up.

In the last couple of weeks, I have taken steps toward the dreams and visions God has given me for the agency.  I have taken them scared in many cases!  But I have taken them! When I have heard God say, "go here" I have started walking.  He hasn't shown me the destination in most of these circumstances, but I have taken some steps, and I trust that He will show me the next step once this step has come to the end.

Can I tell you something else? I. Like.This. Woman!  I think I want her to stick around awhile!  She tells those voices that say she can't to bow to The Voice that says He made me to do it! Not only CAN I do it, but I WILL do it! When fear starts to creep in she says, "You are welcome to come along for the ride, but you Will. Not. stop me!" When I have taken a step and almost immediately been hit by a circumstance that threatens to knock me off that step into the abyss of doubt and confusion, God has been so faithful to whisper, "But what do I say? You operate in My kingdom!" And I find myself still walking...looking back at that corner I used to return to and realizing the walls have moved and that corner is getting further, and further, and further behind me!

I think there are so many women out there listening to the voices that are sending them back to the corner!  I believe God is doing a work in His daughters! He is calling us out of the corners and into the destiny He has called us to!  We live in a world full of hopeless circumstance, and inside of us, His precious daughters, are the answers to these problems and crisis! It's time we start believing the Truth He speaks about us over the lies we so easily believe! We are clothed with strength and dignity (Proverbs 31:25)! We laugh without fear of the future! What do you say? Will you look for that woman in you that God made you to be? I think if you will stop the lies long enough to get to know her, you will really like her.....and she will stick around leading you into a strength, joy and peace you have never known!  If I can steal a line from a movie that dates me and may not show the best moral compass...It's time we get out of our corners, cause no one puts (insert your name) in a corner! Let's dance this final number with our God who wants to show up and show out with his daughters!! Whose with me?!

She has a home...

This morning I am preparing paperwork for my first teen placement.  And of course, the teen is a girl! I have had several people ask me if it has been hard to place a teenage girl in a home given our experience.  As always, let me be real...I thought it would be.  I worried about how I would walk a family through the process with my reality in the back of my mind.  Could I really ask a family to potentially walk the path that we did almost five years ago? But honestly, it has been exciting, and even therapeutic on some levels.  And on other levels, it has been tough!

First, let me say that placing a teenager in an adoptive home will never get old! This young lady is less than two years from entering the world without a family (what we call "aging out").  There is an estimated 20,000 (no, I didn't add too many 0's) youth who age out of foster care every year in our country.  If you look at statistics, you know that means 20,000 who are very likely to be homeless, in jail, have children who grow up in the system or all three! So knowing that God has given a family to one of those 20,000 and not allowed her to become a statistic! Praise Him! Truly, this is what I am called to do!

So if this is my calling, why didn't God let my experience look more like a Hallmark movie and less like it was? It would be so much easier to talk to families sharing how amazing it had been to adopt a teenager and provide an opportunity for a life she would not have otherwise had.  Somehow, I think more families would want to do it if I could share that story.  But my adoptive families got the real story.  They hear the hard truth of what bringing broken children into your home can do.  So why would I ask them to do that? Because God tells us to!

I have families ask me all the time if I would do it again.  My answer is yes..for many reasons! Mostly because just like this young lady who is being placed tomorrow, she has a home! My daughter will always have a family.  She is not an orphan.  And the most obvious reasons, my grand babies who are now my babies.  Had we not adopted our daughter we would not have been in a place legally to do what we did to provide safety for them at that time.

So as I get the paperwork ready to take to the placement of a 16 year old who will no longer be an orphan, I am more excited than I would ever have thought possible!  Of course the fact that by everyone's account who has worked with her she is an amazing young lady and this family is a super family helps ease any fears or apprehensions I might have! And I am excited for another teen story that I believe will have a happy ending.  And the moments of sadness that I have experienced during this placement as I watch another mother and daughter and hope for them what could have been (and hope will still be some day) for me and my daughter, I have replaced with gratefulness that I have the awesome privilege of walking this family through the days and weeks and months ahead! I am truly a blessed woman to have this job and call in my life!

If God brings them to mind, please pray for this young lady and family.  There will be transition as with any placement. And there will be hard days ahead as they all learn to live and love together as well as grieve what was lost in the past.  Its just part of this crazy journey we call adoption! But oh what an amazing journey it is!

Walking Through the Crashing Waves

We just returned home from a week at the beach! It was a much needed vacation....although I have discovered with 10 children, four of whom are 5 and under, even a vacation is not really a vacation for the parents.  But all the same, it was a wonderful break from the every day demands of work and home! It was good to focus on family, and to have time to just sit and listen to the waves....and to the still, small voice of my Savior!

School doesn't start for another three weeks, but our "fall" is gearing up already this week! Callie starts band camp for color guard, Toben and Ava have some prep classes for the coming year that finish this week, Toben starts football next weekend, Noah starts in two weeks, and school supply shopping has already begun!  And the agency is busier than it has ever been with tons of work demands waiting for me first thing Monday morning.

It's all very exciting stuff!  But honestly, it is all very overwhelming for a girl who just wanted to be a stay at home mom of not quite this many children! Don't get me wrong, I love every single one of my children and am so grateful for them, as I am my job! But all together, all of it is....well....a lot!  Add to that the things God has placed on my heart for the agency, and the waves just seem to be crashing over my head!  So how exactly am I going to do it all?  I know God has called me to be a mom to all of these 9 children, and I know He has called me to this work in adoption.  But I don't always know how I am going to walk through the waters that both of those callings place me in at times.  When the demands hit, it feels like the waves are knocking me down and pushing me under....but God knew I would feel this way as I geared up for the coming days, weeks and months!  And as He is so faithful to do, He spoke to me about it before I even knew I needed to hear it!

One of Ava's struggles with her disorder (no, we still do not know what it is! But should have more testing soon that will hopefully give more definitive answers!) is that she has very weak muscle tone.  She also has very little core strength making balance a real challenge.  So when she would want to go out in the waves with us to ride her boogie-board, it was a real struggle to get out far enough for the waves to be big enough to carry her.  On one of the trips out with her, I told her to get behind me and hold onto my waist.  My body would break the wave for her taking less of a toll on her body, and her hanging onto me would help her balance in the unsteady waters.  As I crashed into the waves with her behind me, I heard God say, "this is how you will do it too! I know I am asking you to go into deep waters that feel like they are knocking you over as the waves crash around you, but if you will follow me - don't get ahead or too far behind, but follow me just as I instruct- I will break the waves for you and make a path for you to walk steadily just as you are for Ava."

Can I tell you how comforting that is?! As I face Monday morning, there are so many heavy burdens that threaten to overcome me from personal, to family, to ministry! But as I think back on that moment, I feel the same excitement Ava did about riding the boogie-board even though it meant getting through the crashing waves first! Those words have given me a renewed desire to press in even closer to my Abba Father and walk where His feet walk as I try to walk in obedience to what He has called me to!

So whatever God is calling you to do, can I encourage you?  Just step out and do it!  He will either calm the waters all together or break the waves for you as you walk with Him! I love my Jesus! Life with Him is always an adventure!


Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies, and your right hand delivers me. ~ Psalm 138:7