MRI Over

We are home from Ava's MRI. All went well, Thank you Jesus!!! Doctor's were very impressed with how well she did. I didn't get to go back with her like I said I would before they put her totally under, but she didn't cry when they took her, so that helped me! They were very good with her! The doctor that took her back has 6 children. He had lots of practice with kids!

When she started coming out of the anesthesia, she was very disoriented and more than agitated! She wanted me to hold her, but she wouldn't be still. She was very angry that we would not take the IV out RIGHT NOW! But she calmed down the more she came out of it. They say this is normal for kids coming out of anesthesia. Since we have never had a child who has had medical procedures, this is all new!

They say it will take about a week to have the results. I am really not concerned about the results as God has given me perfect peace! If they show something we aren't expecting, He will take care of it! Now that the sedation is over, all anxiousness is gone!

We had asked her if she wanted McDonald's or doughnuts since she wasn't able to eat or drink this morning. She said doughnuts. But the second we walked out of the MRI lab, she smelled the popcorn that the pink ladies sell, and she said she wanted popcorn. We stopped to get a coke and she was as happy as can be with her popcorn and coke! They also gave her a bear in scrubs complete with mask and hat!

Now she and John are headed to Crane to be with family as John lost his aunt this weekend. Aunt Linda was more than "just an aunt" to John as she helped take care of him and his brother when his dad was being treated for cancer when they were little boys. Aunt Linda will be severely missed by all of us!

The rest of the kids and I will follow to Crane after they get out of school.

This is a busy week....lots of major things happening...God will most definitely have to carry me...but He is so good at that! :)

Ava's MRI

Had Ava's sedation appointment this morning. I didn't get nervous until they started talking about her being totally under-then got a little nervous! I am more fearful of the sedation than of the MRI results! But as God has taught me through this crazy journey of mothering He has taken me on, He loves my children more than I ever could and they are really His kids on loan to me to love and nurture and train in His ways! So Ava is safe in His hands! What peace that brings!

1/4 of the way there!

I posted this on June 20, 2008
When I lose my weight, I am going to pierce my nose! Why you ask? See post below! When I lose 100 pounds, it will mean that God has taken his rightful place on the throne of my heart....food will be forever overthrown! It will be an outward symbol of an inward commitment, a change from the inside out! Just like I wear my wedding ring to show I am committed to John, the nose stud will be to show that God owns my heart, I am fully committed to Him and have conquered my addiction to food! It will be extreme! :) I have been called a prude many times! So for me to show up with a nose piercing will be a shock to many (My parents being among the biggest, I am sure), but I can't wait to get it done! When it is done, I will know I have won the battle! God will be the ruler of my heart and food will be in submission! What a day that will be! :)

Over a year later, I am 1/4 of the way there! There has been a LOT of yo-yoing in that year, but I feel God breaking the grip food has on me, and I am excited! Actually, I am excited about a lot of things in life right now! I am finally learning to listen to that still small voice instead of all the other voices shouting at me in this world! And it is amazing the Wisdom in that still small voice! :)

I love it when He does that!

I love it when God encourages and speaks to me in my morning time with Him in such a real and tangible way! It is like he is sitting right next to me drinking His cup of coffee and looking over my shoulder saying, "That one right there! That is the verse you need to apply to that situation! That is what I have to say about that! Go back, read that again!" What a personal Savior we serve! Do you know Him? Have you walked away from Him? Go back!!!! No matter where you are in life, He wants to sit and have coffee with you! Not to criticize or to point out your sin, but to love and encourage you just like He did me this morning!

As I mentioned in my last post, there are some, the number seems to be growing, who are literally out to destroy me - Addy's Hope as an organization and me personally. Two years ago, they would be successful in their attempts that they have done, but today, I know where my identity is, and it is NOT in them! :)

But even more than just "sticks and stones may break my bones" thinking, God showed me in His word this morning what He thinks about what these people are doing who call themselves His children. See the work I am doing with Addy's Hope is NOT mine! It is God's! I am just the fortunate vessel that gets to be used to see God's hand at work! So when they attack, they attack God, not me.

Whether they call licensing, whether someone accuses me of child trafficking (that was from January 2008 and nearly did destroy me!), whether they question my motives, whether they look at our finances, whatever they want to call attention to, God showed me this morning what He thinks of that.

John 3: 20 "For everyone who does evil hates the Light, and does not come to the Light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But he who practices the truth comes to the Light, so that his deeds may be manifested as having been wrought in God."

If you investigate our past, my past (whether that applies to personal life or Addy's Hope) you will find mistakes! You will find things that should have been done differently. I am not perfect! This is especially true in the early years of Addy's Hope. Did we do anything illegal, no. Did we do things perfectly, no! I have always said we are a perfect example of God taking the totally ignorant and equipping them! When we started Addy's Hope 5 years ago, we didn't have a clue what we were doing! Not a clue! All we knew was God said, "GO!" and we said, "YES!" We were totally reliant on God for each step of the way. Sometimes we took a wrong turn and didn't do things the best way. But we have always sought to do things God's way! And that is what this verse is about!

Those who want to hurl accusations and attacks, bring it on! Because according to John 3:21, when you practice truth, your deeds will be manifested as having been wrought in God! I LOVE IT! We have always walked in truth! So come investigate! Tear our work apart! I have no fear of light, exposure, investigations (John 3:20) because I have NO fear of my deeds being exposed because I have always done my best to walk according to the Light! You will find mistakes as we are not perfect, but you will find no deeds deserving of the attacks these are launching.

I understand these people are bitter because they didn't get their child! I understand those feelings! Been there! Done that! Got the scars! Got the debt (that is a post for another time!)! But when we lost Eden due to true negligence and deceit we were very careful to walk in the Light then as well! We didn't publicly in anyway demoralize the organization and especially not the person! When asked about our adoption, we told the truth! We looked into what could be done to hold the agency accountable (not much!) and did those things. When asked what agency we used, we told. But we were very careful to handle it in the way we felt God would be honored and approve. So I know that even in the pain felt by these people hurling the insults, there is a higher road to take! I've walked it!

I know God has done a great work in my heart! When Eden's adoption failed 4 years ago, I had to work at not being bitter and forgiving those who caused me the pain. But today, well, I don't have to work at it. Is there anger, a little, at times. Mainly when I am already down and satan uses that as a jab! (which goes along with John 3:19 that says these works are evil....satan uses evil works to discourage the work of Jesus among His people...plus the main ones right now are doing everything "anonymously" which is NOT walkign in the Light! In the Light, all is exposed, most certainly your identity) But more than any other feeling is sorrow. Sorrow that people who claim to walk according to the Light would participate in such dark actions. People who claim to be children of God would act in such a manner only shows that they have no clue about the cross and the Savior they say they accepted as Lord. Sorrow that they walk in such bitterness instead of the joy that is supposed to be ours as Christ Followers.

So today as I go to work...a job that will not bring a paycheck this month because Addy's Hope is broke...I thank God that my work in Addy's Hope...even in the criticisms...has brought Proverbs 4:13-15 to life for me: "How blessed is the man who finds wisdom and the man who gains understanding. For her profit is better than the profit of silver and her gain better than fine gold. She is more precious than jewels; and nothing you desire compares with her."

We haven't gotten rich off Addy's Hope. In fact, just recently we have gone into debt a great deal because of it. But I have gained more wisdom and understanding of God's word and His truths than I could have ever imagined! And that my friends is a jewel that nothing I desire compares with!

Praying you have a day full of God's Light and Truth that encourages you to keep walking in Him as it has me today! Be blessed!

It aint easy!

Yesterday when I shared with a friend what I was doing, she responded with something like, "Man those arrows keep coming at you, don't they?" Yes, they do! But I am hoping my attitude about those arrows is a little better than it has been in the recent past. Let me explain.

Today's lesson in A Call to Die is "The Risk of Grace". Nasser says: "Far too many of us are content with being comfortable in our faith. As long as Jesus doesn't ask too much of us, as long as we get enough good feelings, as long as it's fun to be a Christian, as long as nobody turns up their nose at us when they find out we believe, we hang in there. But that perspective is phony Christianity. It's not the real thing." Man can I relate! As I am sure you can too!

Nasser goes on to talk about Moses. God has used this man to encourage and spur me on in the battle in Liberia for almost two years. From the beginning, the people that Moses was trying to free turned on him. They were choosing slavery over freedom because it was hard. Pharaoh laughed at him that such a common man would even try to tell the most powerful king what to do. I don't need anybody laughing at me, I feel that way on my own about my government work.

I have said for some time now that the hardest part of my job is not the governments, but the people that I serve who are adopting. Not all of them! God has sent me some amazing families who are dear friends because of the journey we have taken on this crazy roller coaster. When you deal with something as personal as people's children, emotions run high! My black and white world has been rocked with the view of many Christians that believe in an adoption at all costs mentality! My stance for ethical and legal adoptions has turned some families away.

Yesterday we had a meeting with our licensing agent for Texas Child Placing Agencies. We have been in communication with licensing since we started in October 2005. At that time they would not even discuss licensing with us because we were a international only agency. But we have stayed in contact with them. Over the past two years as Hague has been implemented and new regulations gone into place, we have been in constant communication to insure that we were doing what we needed to in order to be in compliance. We need the money to pay the salary of a CPA Administrator in order to be licensed. That is the only thing we need. Well, that and a person who fits the qualifications that is willing to take a risk with us! And just finding someone who meets the qualifications has been an insurmountable task! But we have never quit looking or working toward licensing, and our amazing licensing rep, Becky, knows that.


The meeting yesterday was because "someone" (its confidential) filed a report on us. As I told John, I don't want to know who it is because as long as it's just "a report" I don't hold as much resentment. If I knew "the person" it would be much more personal to me and would be harder to work through - like Moses and the Israelites! But from the beginning when Becky called and said she needed to come meet with us, I had peace! Now, if you know me, you know that is a God thing! I am a rule follower to the max! So the prospect of possibly getting in trouble with the state would send me over the edge, but it didn't! And THAT folks is the reason why I am such a stickler about how we operate in adoptions! If you do everything to the best of your ability and don't allow illegal or unethical activities, then you don't have to be afraid of state visits!

John and I were determined from the beginning to turn what someone meant for evil into something good for God. And He has! We were able to talk with Becky about CPA Administrators (anyone know someone with a masters in TX who has experience with any type of child placing agency or emergency shelter, etc???? that needs some extra money for a contractual position??!!!). We also talked about the need here in Texas and what we could do to help the overloaded system. Our region still is short on foster families and have to send kids to other parts of TX because we don't have enough foster families. On top of that, I would venture to say that a high percentage of the foster families we do have are in it for the wrong reasons. Texas children need help and Becky shared with us how we can do that once we have our CPA Admin! She also said we do NOT have to have a fence around our pool as long as we have locked gates on our backyard and a lock and alarm on our backdoor! That means we could be licensed for foster/adoption! But I still wonder if I (or the kids) could handle a baby leaving us. Is this the right time? But definitely nice to know that one more obstacle has been removed!

As I read again about Moses and the people he was called to free, I was reminded that they didn't thank him or tell him "good job". They grumbled and told him they wanted to go back to captivity. That was the thanks Moses received. I feel like Moses many days! And like Moses, I have to run back to Who called me to this to ask for help and get my satisfaction and worth. I don't consider myself a people pleaser, but at the same time, I am very aware of how people see me because I believe as a Christian, we need to be. We are to be a light to the world and a light in the darkness. But being a light doesn't mean letting people walk all over you "in the name of Jesus" or allow those who disagree with you to derail you from your path.

I am learning many lessons through this season of my life. I pray I keep them as I don't want to revisit any of them! :)

A Call to Die - Day 14

Today's title was "Too Full to Eat?" Wasn't sure what type of lesson that would be! Had me a little perplexed, but within the first paragraph, I knew that this lesson was just for me right now!

What Nasser is getting at is that we have two tables to which we can pull up our chair and feast: God's and the world. If we fill up on the world before coming to God's table, then we are too full to eat the good "food" that God provides. And likewise, if we fill up at God's table, then we are too full to eat the junk offered by the world.

Anyone who has known me for any amount of time knows that I openly share my food addiction. My early years were filled with excuses as to why I am overweight. I would blame a medical condition or that I "just can't lose weight". But the truth of the matter is, I eat more than I consume or I wouldn't be overweight. But even with that realization and facing that truth head on for the past five or so years, I still battle my food addiction.

That is why during this 40 days of A Call to Die, I am doing the modified Daniel Fast. I need to break the hold food has on me. I need to learn to eat at the banquet table of God first!

I LOVE how God teaches so many spiritual truths to me in my physical world so I can really understand what He wants from me. As I read today's lesson, I knew that so many times I fill up on the "world" and that leaves me empty, but not hungry. Leaves me dissatisfied, but full so that I don't look to God for the water that will make me never thirst again or the food that will fill me so I will never be hungry.

I related it to the fast...since I am fasting from sugar, my taste buds have changed. Where grapes of an apple usually just seem like a healthy snack, now they meet the need of a sweet tooth! They taste so much sweeter now than when my mouth is used to eating all that sugar. Sugar waters down the natural sweetness of the fruit. Yesterday I made a cake to take to our small group. I had a really bad sweet tooth yesterday. But instead of taking in all the sugar in a cake or brownie, I picked up an oat bar that had only fruit and cane juice to sweeten it. Was it as sweet as the cake would have been? No where close! In fact, the kids don't like it at all because it tastes bland to them! But to me who is 20 days into no sugar, (yes I'm on day 14, but day 20 of the fast as I didn't do some lessons on the days I was sick...so numbers will be off!) that oat bar satisfied.

The same is true of God's Word! When I eat the junk of the world, it waters down the sweetness of God. Yes, food really does provide for me an immediate comfort, an immediate satisfaction. That is true. However, as soon as that last bite leaves my mouth, I want more and feel emptier than when I first ate! But God's Truth leaves me satisfied for the long haul! It may not provide an immediate satisfaction as I have to ponder it, memorize it, meditate on it, and often even sit and listen time and time again before God reveals to me all He wants to about a morsel from His Word. But in the long run, in the bigger pictures, it is so much more satisfying that anything this world has to offer me!

Yet, I still find myself "elbowing" as Nasser says my way into the world to make sure I get my "share" of what it has to offer instead of walking right past that table to sit with my Heavenly Father at His feast and drinking in all He is and wants for me. I plan to change that practice! I want God's food! I don't want the junk this world has to offer. The few times in my life that I have chosen to bypass the world to sit with God at His table, I have found that I am viewed as a "radical", a "Jesus Freak". That would make me pull back and reevaluate myself. Not that I mind being a "Jesus Freak" or a "radical", but these comments when made by other Christians have made me think I was going too far in my views. But what God is teaching me is that in this world, a world that has feasted way to long on the food the enemy pours into us, even most Christians don't know the sweetness of His RADICAL Truth! Therefore, the only voice I must listen to is HIS! If He is well-pleased, then no one else matters! And when I surround myself with mature, wise Christians whom I have given permission to speak truth in love to keep me on track, then the other voices can fall by the wayside. I don't need to entertain every criticism that comes my way!

Oh what freedom comes in eating at God's table! Will you pull up a chair and eat with me? What junk have you been eating that makes God's banquet of pure and holy food look undesirable? Don't let it lead to guilt...that is from the enemy...he wants to keep you at his table! Instead, confess it, let God take it away and pull up a chair at His table! He will fill you!

Coming out from under the rock...

Since returning from Liberia, I have been hiding under a rock. I have still been working, taking care of family, etc, but I really didn't want to talk to anybody or share any thoughts. I have hated the question, "How was your trip?". (Anyone reading this who asked me that, please don't take offense or feel badly for asking...it is a very natural question!). But I don't know how to answer. You probably really don't want to hear how my trip was because that would take, oh, a day and a half to explain. Most of it is not real warm and fuzzy like you expect a mission trip to be. Add to that the personally challenges and battles that hit me square in the face upon coming home and you have me, hiding under a rock because it is the only place I know to go!

But under that rock I have been doing a ton of reading! I know God doesn't want me under a rock..I am supposed to be a light shining on a hill for Him, not a toad under a rock! But when I would think on that, it would just bring more guilt, so I just chose to quit thinking.

I won't go into all details here as they are too personal to share on such a public forum. But for the second time in my life I tried to walk away from God. I tried to take my fire insurance and leave. Last time I tried that was when I came home without Eden from Sierra Leone. That lasted about a week and a half. This time it lasted about...oh...two days! I just don't know how people run from God! As hard as I tried, He was always right there in front of me saying, "Really? This is really the way you want to go? You really want to believe those lies floating through your head? You know My way is the best way...even when it hurts and is tough!" And when I wanted to ignore that voice in my head, my dadgum (never wrote that before...have no clue if it is even a word, but that's how I'd spell it if it were!) spiritual husband telling me the truths I knew but really didn't want to hear!

So over the course of the next few days, I am going to post some of the quotes from the books as well as the many lessons God is teaching me right now. As John said as I was sharing some with him, "God is really kicking your tail right now, isn't He?!" Yes, He is!!! And I am grateful for the tail kicking! I am in need of it!

I have lost count of the days of my fast. I will stick to the fast until I finish A Call to Die. It is 40 days, but since there have been a couple of days that I haven't done the lessons, this may end up being a 60 day fast! Great motivation to do the lessons every day!

The fast has truly been amazing! This is the first time I have fasted and really felt it had any spiritual impact. It has taken my focus off the two things that compete with God the most in my life: food and things. And the most incredible thing is that the draw of these two idols is weakening! I can feel it! I don't really know how to describe it, but I can feel it! I have always thought women who said they "forgot" to eat a meal were nuts! I mean, come on, how do you "forget" to eat? Well, I don't know that I forget to eat, but many times I walk into the kitchen when I know I would have comforted myself with some tasty morsel in the past, and now, I just walk out. I don't even want to eat! Sometimes its because I don't want to eat the food I can eat: mainly fruit, nuts or cheese. But sometimes it really is because food has no hold on me...my body isn't needing food, so I walk out! Freedom! I can taste it! And BOY does it taste good! :)

A lesson I learned just this week, well I didn't really "learn" it, but God reinforced it this week. I have had a horrible sinus infection for the past almost three weeks. You know mommy can't be sick! Well, this one has been horrible enough that is has knocked me on my tail where mommy had to be sick! (Side note: if you have e-mailed me or called and I haven't returned it, this is why! Sorry! Praying I will be back to health this week!) So those days that I just felt like a truck had run over me, I went off the fast. I mean, surely God doesn't expect me to be sick *and* not eat any comforting foods, or even just have to try to come up with something to eat on a menu that takes some creativity when I don't even fell like lifting my head. This week, I learned, yes in fact, He does expect that! He gently reminded me that obedience is required NO MATTER WHAT! Sick, healthy, rich, poor, frustrated, happy, joyful, sad...it doesn't matter my "mood"! Obedience is always required and expected. Kind of like me with my children! :) Yes, I give them a break if they are a little cranky because they don't feel well, but they still have to follow rules and obey me when I give them a direction.

So no more going off the fast until I am finished with A Call to Die! I will walk in obedience..for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health forsaking all others as long as I shall live!

So I will leave you this morning with some sweet quotes from David Nasser in "A Call to Die". You really should read/do this if you never have! It would be a great activity for married couples or small groups! My friend Karen and I are doing it together! It definitely helps to know you have someone walking it with you....accountability is an amazing motivator!

• "It' much easier to be a nice Christian than a radical one." page 8
• "He [Jesus] doesn't take it for granted that you and I will be willing to follow him along his path of radical obedience to the Father. Jesus is no bully. He doesn't try to get us to pack our bags for a guilt trip. No, he simply offers that path with all its hardships and joys, and says, "If you want the greatest adventure life has to offer, here's what the ticket will cost you." Quite frankly, the vast majority of Christians look at the brochure and say, "No thanks. The price is too high. I"ll settle for something else." page 13
• "You and I will face excruciating moments, too when it seems God is asking too much and nobody is there for us....It is a call to die, a call to let your selfishness starve to death because you don't feed it. If it won't starve, we have to grab our selfishness by the throat and strangle it. Once again, remember we're talking spiritual, not physical issues. Because Satan is not gentle in dealing with us, we cannot be gentle in dealing with sin." page 17
• "When you and I feel insecure, we are more open to God speaking to our hearts." page 32
• "The call to die requires a will of steel to persevere and make those hard, thankless choices to honor God instead of serving selfish desires." page 41

Stop Child Trafficking Now!

Many of you know that I was accused of Child trafficking when we brought Toben and several other children home. I was outraged! When you read the date below, you will understand why! Child trafficking is a sick and disgusting business that must be stopped!

This is a very personal issue to me. I worry often of what will happen to Eden since she didn't get to come home! I also work in adoptions with integrity and high standard of ethics so to not even give the allusion of anything close to trafficking. So what I am posting here is dear to me...and therefore, Addy's Hope is getting involved! Please help us help them!!! We need you..donate....walk...whatever you can do! Right now we only have two people on the Addy's Hope team...Thomas and I are going to be really lonely if more don't walk with us...and we need donations to support us! Go here to donate to our walk or sign up to be a team member if you are in the Midland area! We need you!!!!

Walk or Donate

Bring awareness and an end to the trafficking of humans!


Stop Child Trafficking Now Walk
September 26, 2009
Midland, Texas
(check for a walk in your area by going to the SCTNow website!)
Grande Stadium Ballpark
Check-in time: 9:00AM to 10:00AM
Event: 10:00AM to 12:00PM


Go HERE
Register to Walk with the Addy's Hope Team and help us raise funds for SCTNow!
Donate online to any of our team members to help!
Tell your friends!



If any of you have followed Addy's Hope for anytime, you know our heart for children! God has grown that heart and stretched it over the years. We know have an opportunity to partner with an organization to Stop Child Trafficking Now!

In countries with uneducated officials and public, adoption and trafficking are often confused. The two could not be further apart. Adoption is what God has done for us. He brought us into His family to love, protect and care for us. This is what adoptive families do for children they adopt. However, child trafficking is the recruitment, smuggling, transporting, harboring, buying or selling of a child through force, threats, fraud, deception, or coercion for the purposes of exploitation, prostitution, pornography, migrant work, sweat shops, domestic servitude, forced labor, bondage, peonage or involuntary servitude.

Child trafficking is one f the fastest growing crimes in the world. UNICEF values the global market of child trafficking at over $12 billion a year with over 1.2 million child victims. Men, women and children are all victims but, the most vulnerable groups, those with limited rights or protections, have been the hardest hit....especially children.

Trafficking children into the sex industry is done because there is a demand. Predators seek out vulnerable victims and lure them under false pretenses into situations they cannot escape from. No matter the reason, the children have become sexual commodities to be bought and sold for the pleasure of exploiters. These children are scarred for life and need help - your help!

Stop Child Trafficking Now believes strongly that to eliminate this heinous crime the demand for children must end. That's why SCTNow seeks to destroy the source. SCTNow believes that by putting predators behind bars we can Stop Child Trafficking Now and Addy's Hope is going to help!

And the winner is....

I finally drew for the nativity set that I raffled off, and the winner is Nancy from Michigan! Congratulations, Nancy! And thank you to all who helped with Callie and my trip! It was wonderful. I still need to blog about her experience and the chimpanzee! Maybe this week! :)