Gifts for Service

Each of you has been blessed with one of God's many wonderful gifts to be used in the service of others. So use your gift well. 1 Peter 4:10 CEV

God took me to this verse last night. It was one of those times He has me pick up a book that I haven't picked up in awhile and read something only to find a verse that hit exactly where I am struggling! Love it when He does that! Reminds me how personal He is and that He cares about me - and you - as an individual and not just one of his ants in the army!

While this verse is encouraging, it is also very challenging for me these days...which is why I was seeking God in the first place!

You see, I am in one of those places where I know the direction God has given. I really have not doubt. I can say I need to pray more, but it would just be an excuse to procrastinate on obedience! I know God is telling me to get busy on the agency. He is telling me to get the policies written for the domestic program to start. Every time I start questioning whether I need to do that right now, He brings another friend struggling to adopt through the system or another situation where I know we could help if we had our license. I wrestle with God saying now can't be the time! I have 6 kids and am expecting number 7! I have NEVER done the working mom thing very well as I refuse to put my kids in day care. Just a personal conviction, I pass no judgement here! In fact, sometimes I admire people who do that and are devoted to their job! But then I admire the moms who have nothing to distract them from mommy duties like baking cookies or playing board games! I am finding that I am an all or nothing type person. That doesn't work very well for a working-stay-at-home-mother! I don't do well with schedules. I've never been organized, just an organized-want-a-be. I don't do well with boundaries, especially where people are concerned. I'm not a very good self-starter. And to top it all off, I feel totally inadequate to run an agency.

Those don't make for a very good executive director! But this scripture reminds me that God has gifted me! When I read it last night, it was as if He was speaking to me in an audible voice! "HollyAnn, I have giving you gifts. You have knowledge that can be of service to others as they walk the path of adoption I am calling them to. I didn't give you these gifts to puff you up, make you rich or famous, but I gave them to you so that you can serve my people as they answer me and walk in obedience." That got me excited! Too bad it happened at 10 when I knew I needed to go to bed!

However, it carried over to this morning! It's time to quit belly-aching about what God is asking me to do and time to walk in obedience! Time to quit comparing myself to those around me as God has a different calling for them than He does me...that's how THE BODY works! If we were all a big toe, The Body would be really crippled and non-functioning! Time to put he self-doubt behind me. Time to let this scripture move me to action!

Lately, I haven't been motivated to do much of anything. This pregnancy is kicking my tail! I am now in my second trimester which is supposed to be the best, right?! WRONG! As soon as the second trimester came, the nausea double, the fatigue tripled and my blood pressure shot up! After multiple trips to the doctor and several reminders of my "advanced maternal age" - ughhhh - I think we have these things under control. If I cross your mind, would you pray for my physical health. It is really hard to get motivated to do anything when you are so nauseous that moving makes you think you will throw up! Then I get frustrated, then depressed and it just seems to be one big cycle! I wonder how much of it is a spiritual attack. I don't want to look for a demon under every rock as the saying goes, but I also know how much the enemy has to lose if I get my act together and have and agency ready to think outside the box to serve families and children to bring them together for His kingdom work. I must do battle! I must put on my armor and fight to do more than just stay alive....I must cling to scriptures like 1 Peter 4:10 and Ephesians 3:20-21 and fight back with the enemy so that he knows whose boss!

So for today, I will set a schedule that will allow me to work! There will be set times that will be dedicated to the agency. Even if that means evenings when John is home or the Fridays that he is off, God will show the way!

I would covet your prayers! This is totally out of my comfort zone! The last time I worked the agency part-full time we only had four children. We closed the orphanage right after Madison came. Mothering 6, carrying one, and trying to build a program brings all new challenges, but God has called, so God will equip! He has proven Himself faithful in that area to me time and again, so I should not doubt He will do it again! I just have to get back in the saddle and ride! Yee-Haw! :)