Identity

The problem with putting my identity in anything or anywhere but Christ is the internal struggle when that identity is changed by the direction God has you go!

I enrolled Madison and Journey, my two babies, in a 3 day a week Mother's Day Out program for next year. I struggle with that because it puts them in Mother's Day Out more days a week than they are home (weekdays that is!). I'm sure to most you are asking, "What's the big deal?!" But I have been a stay at home mom advocate my entire life! My mom was a stay at home mom, and she was AMAZING! I just always assumed I would do the same. John swears I told him on the first date that I was going to be a stay at home mom, if that wasn't ok, we could end things now!

But then God called us to open Addy's Hope 6 years ago. I remember when John first said he felt like God was calling us to step out and do this thing...my initial response was, "Great! In 18 years when all my babies have been raised, I think that is a fabulous idea!!" But John was confident God meant now so we started.

Addy's Hope has had its seasons where it was more than a full time job, but since it was international adoptions at that time, I was still able to manage it all from home or taking my babies to the office when we had one. But that is changing. God is opening more and more doors and the time needed to do this job well demands a change in my identity and shift in my thinking - going from a stay at home mom to a working mom.

I am blessed that even in having to look at a way to have more dedicated, baby free time to work, I still have flexibility and am not having to put Journey or Madison in 5 day a week daycare. I recognize that, and I am so thankful.

But as the reality of signing them up for the three day a week program for next year hit home, I realized even after all God has done in me the past few months to years, my identity still gets wrapped up in the wrong places. My identity should be in Christ and Christ alone. He is the only constant in this world! If my identity were in Him, it wouldn't matter what He called me to, I would be ready with a YES! Ready to walk in obedience! Just one more way God is calling me to trust and believe Him these days! Trust that He will take care of my babies while they are away from me, trust that He does have a plan that is better than what I can see or imagine - especially when it doesn't look like what I thought plans would look like right now, trust that He will provide the money necessary for the childcare, and believe that He has only my children my best interest in mind ALWAYS!

This is big for me - especially when it comes to letting go of my babies! But one thing I have learned over the last year in particular is that I want to walk in obedience! I want to walk hidden in the secret place of God - and you can't do that when you are walking in disobedience!