I have been a bit quiet on here lately. Mostly because I haven't had a lot of thoughts that I could really put into words or what I could was not really suitable for a public forum. It's been a hard few weeks! God is teaching me much and continuing to draw me closer to Him and for that I am thankful. But the biggest lesson He is teaching me is the lesson of remaining stable and fixed.
Its funny how scriptures that I have read before, or even memorized, now have new meaning when I think of them through this lesson! Scriptures like Isaiah 40:31 that says "those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."
I texted a friend who I felt could relate the other day and described this season of life in this way. I feel as though I am standing on a board with one foot on each end, spread eagle so to speak. But the middle of the board is on a stability ball. The slightest pressure on one foot or the other and I will bite the dust! It seems as if just about the time I get my balance, we get a call about in issue with Paizley, a friend says something that brings the hurt in my heart to the surface, I see a baby about Peighton's age, and the pressure is applied to one side or the other and the balance is gone. My arms go to flailing, my knees go to rocking all in an effort to recover the balance. I don't like the flailing stage! And what God keeps showing me is how much energy I waist flailing when He intends for me to be so in tune with Him that I can walk through any circumstances and never lose my balance.
Please understand, I am not saying stuff feelings or ignore hurts. I am not saying be a door mat to those who want to trample you. In fact, its quite the opposite. Stuffing the feelings only adds weight to my shoulders as I try to maintain that balance with one foot on each side of the teetering board. What God is saying is to roll my cares on Him! Truly trust Him with my feelings and the outcome of the situation...whether its Peighton's safety or paying the bills next month, He is teaching me to fully and completely release my cares and worries to Him!
A little over a year ago, when I literally thought I was losing my mind, God gave me Isaiah 26:3, "You will guard him and keep him in perfect and constant peace whose mind [both its inclination and its character] is stayed on You, because he commits himself to You, leans on You, and hopes confidently in You." I would speak that out loud until the peace would come back! It was the scripture God gave me to "reset" so to speak my balance. And as I have walked the past few weeks, it has been my life line!
When something comes along that knocks me off balance, or I just start to get that restless or anxious feeling rising up in me, I know my focus is off! I go to scripture in order to regain the balance and to remain hidden in the Secret Place, "He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall remain stable and fixed under the shadow of the Almighty [Whose power no foe can withstand]. He will cover you with His pinions, and under His wings shall you trust and find refuge." Psalm 91:1,4
No matter what my circumstances say, there is a Secret Place where I can remain stable and fixed! God literally hides us from the enemy when we remain in that place. We are untouchable! It doesn't mean bad things can't happen to us...it only means when bad things do happen, they don't send us flailing! Just like Isaiah 40:31 says, we will soar...we will rise above our circumstances and walk through these trials with out them taking over our emotions and wrecking our balance. Kind of like the three Bendagos as they were thrown in the fire but came out not even smelling like smoke after Jesus appeared in the fire with them! Jesus is teaching me to recognize Him standing with me in the fire and know that as long as I look into His face and let Him dictate the steps I take, the battles I fight, the battles I lay down, I will walk out of these fires not even smelling like smoke!
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Monday, September 3, 2012
My Baby Girl
A new friend at our new church blessed Paizley with a free newborn shoot for Peighton. I am so thankful for these shots since they may be all I ever have of my granddaughter. It's a bit painful to look at them right now. My heart feels like it might just break in two completely a I wonder about where this precious baby is right now and what her future may hold. But I know God put her in our life so that we would cover her in prayer during this time! I may not can physically rescue her, we have done all that we can at this point. But I can pray angels around her! The past two days have been so hard as I think about Peighton. In the book I am reading by Liberty Savard, Shattering Your Stongholds, She talks about denial as being one of our coping mechanisms. Like shock to the physical body that keeps you from dieing in physical trauma, denial does the same for the heart and mind in emotional trauma. Over the past few years, I have gone from someone who faces emotions straight on and deals with them to a person who lives in denial.....a lot! Especially when it comes to hurts from those around me. But God is revealing more and more that denial is not going to allow me to live in the freedom He has for me. He is teaching me to recognize the hurt and pain, and then let it go to Him! Regardless of the situation, God is teaching me to let Him handle it. Trust Him with it! There's that word again...trust. If you have been reading my blog for long, you know God has had me in a place of learning to trust again since Eden did not come home...and something tells me I will be on this journey until I see God face to face!
I have to. So WHEN my girls return home, my heart will be ready to receive them!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
