The Move: Living from Heaven to Earth

We are moving! John has accepted a position with the education service center in Fort Worth, and hopefully we will be in our new home by the end of this month.  For that to happen we need a seller to accept our offer on a house in Fort Worth, and we need our house to sell quickly.  We are calling those things down out of heaven just like we have every step of this process!  And that is what is so amazing about this move...the process!  It has opened a totally new level of spiritual maturity for John and I, and we will never do life the same way again! This is what I mean....

In April of 2012, God spoke very clearly to me that he had a new job for John.  John was not unhappy at his current job.  I had some frustrations with the time demands and travel, but overall, John's job was just fine.  The Word was very specific, and it gave some direction as to what benefits would be from the new job.  I shared it with John, and that's where it sat.  There have been some things that have happened since that time that I tease John about - telling him he could've avoided them if only he had listened to God when He spoke.  Who knows if we were to move on it sooner or not, but God redeems even our missed timing as long as we continue to seek Him and walk with Him.  Over the course of the months since the Word came, John became increasingly restless in his job and career.  About April of this year, we really started talking seriously about John changing jobs.  He even looked into avenues outside of education.  As soon as we knew we were serious about changing jobs, we both agreed we did not want to do this as we had in the past.  We have both been learning more about living from our seated place in Heavenly places.  As our pastor says, we want to live as "spirit-beings" not human beings.  John and I agreed that we would listen for God's voice, listen for His direction.  In the past on a decision like a job change, we would pray about it. If there was peace, and we felt God was telling us it was time to make a change, then we would look for jobs or look at what place is best for our family and then let the job offer dictate where we moved.  We always had God as part of the process, and we always waited for Him to confirm what we were doing.  But this time we wanted God to speak and circumstances to confirm what He said.

When John first started looking for a job, we assumed we would stay in Midland.  We talked a little bit about moving, but we couldn't imagine leaving our home that we just remodeled with my dream kitchen!  We also couldn't imagine leaving our families who are both with in an hours drive from us.  I couldn't imagine leaving my parents who help me tremendously with the kid's doctor appointments or picking kids up when I get stuck somewhere in a meeting.  We couldn't imagine moving with Addy's Hope just now seeming to take off with EIGHT families in process with the waiting child program!  But mid-May I was in Fort Worth (oddly enough now!) doing an infant placement.  I was driving around looking for an address (having made COUNTLESS u-turns...I'm directionally challenged and even the GPS wasn't helping me in the city!), and this voice says, "Why have you put me in a box? Why wouldn't you move?"  What?!  Why would we move, God?  You have given me my kitchen, you have grown the agency....why would you ask me to leave that?  The answer was simply, "Do you trust me, and will you go where I say go?"  At the next red light, I sent John a text that simply said, "Apply where ever you feel led...let's move if we need to."  Of course my phone rang fairly quickly with John on the other end wanting to know what had happened to his wife and who had her phone?!

Over the next few weeks, John and I both prayed asking for God to speak.  God is teaching me so much about how I have lived with an earthly perspective versus the heavenly perspective I believe He desires His children to live by.  I wanted to bring the knowledge I had gained about these truths into wisdom as I actually put them to practice and walked them out in life.  John and I prayed fervently asking God to tell us whether we were to move or to stay.  We didn't want to apply for any jobs or make any moves in any direction until He spoke.  We started this process with NO desire to move!  My prayer during this time was that I would be totally open and content to do whatever God said - go or stay!  It took some time in the Word to truly put everything on the alter - especially about moving.  There were mornings I literally lay on my living room floor, on my face, laying it all out there and making sure I had no agenda but what God wanted for me, and for my family.  I didn't have any desire one way or the other - staying was ok - going was ok.  That is how I wanted to stay so that I could truly do what God wanted.  And also, I didn't want to have a desire one way or the other because I didn't want to be disappointed with what God asked of us.

This went on for a couple of weeks.  No clear answers, really.  Just crying out to God.  About the third week of asking for answers, I began to have a desire to move.  It was kind of weird as I was the one that had always fought to stay where we are! So a desire to move was kind of shocking.  I would try to suppress it because if we were to stay, I didn't want to be disappointed.  I kept praying that I would just want what God wanted....and then would ask Him to take the desire to move away so I wouldn't be disappointed.  Now, even typing that, I see how silly it was to miss....but I did in fact miss it in the moment. It wasn't until I was at church that Sunday that I "got" it.  It was during worship, and I was crying out to God...ok whining to God about the fact that He hadn't answered us.  I gave the argument of how we were trying so hard to make this move with a new maturity, but He really wasn't cooperating by being silent....then He spoke.  It went something like this, "HollyAnn, I have spoken.  That desire you have to move, I gave that to you.  I give you the desires of your heart because when you surrender to me your desires, I place within you the desire for My ways and My path.  But you refuse to trust.  You refuse to trust that you hear Me, and you refuse to trust that I will give you what you desire.  You still have difficulty believing I want good for you and not just sacrifice."  And with that, I had my answer...and some humble pie!  I knew we were moving.  What I didn't know was God was talking to John at the exact same time! I love how He does that!  We sat down after worship, and John leans over and whispers in my ear, "By the way, we are moving."

With that answer, John began looking for jobs outside our area, and I began packing boxes.  Callie asked, "Mom why are you packing boxes?"  I replied, "Because we are moving."  She would ask, "Where?" To which I would reply, "I don't know, but God said we are moving, so I am packing!"

I literally packed my first box the Monday following that Sunday.  What I have learned over the last few months about living from Heaven to Earth is that you have to walk out the unseen for it to become the seen.  Bill Johnson puts it like this, "The unseen world has influence over the visible."  Circumstances did not yet say we were moving, but I knew in the unseen realm, we were moving and if I walked that out, talked that out, it would become seen.  That is a truth based on Romans 4:17 when it talks about Abraham's faith and how his faith is what was credited to him as righteousness..his faith that God calls that which is not as if it is. It's what we have come to refer to around our house as "faith walking"!

We began thanking God for the job that would fulfill His Word.  John began applying for jobs.  He has already spoken to someone about a job locally.  Not long after God told us we would move, that opportunity closed.  It was the first circumstance that confirmed what God has already said!  And our faith was increased!

We didn't know where we would move.  I always thought if we moved, it would be to Austin.  John has many connections on the state level in education - and I would love to know there was  voice of reason in education in Austin!  I also know that someday all we have walked with CPS will put me in some way in a place to help all those already working to transform this broken system - Austin seems like a logical place to do that.  But as we prayed, we were drawn to the metroplex.  John applied with a school district outside of Dallas.  He got the interview.  We found a house on line. I already had my furniture placed.  In the 16 years I have known John, he has interviewed for many jobs!  For those who didn't know us in our early years of marriage, we moved 8 times in the first 9 years of marriage.  Out of all those jobs he interviewed for that would have us move that many times, he has been offered a job at every interview except one...until this job.  He didn't get it.  The enemy came in like a storm.  The doubts started.  I had already told close friends and family that we were moving. When they, like Callie, would ask where, I would respond with my "I don't know, God just said we are moving."  Most of my friends know me well enough to not think I'm nuts, but I had told some friends who don't know me that well.  I was trusting, hoping, believing that God would do what He had said!  And trusting I had heard Him.  The last time I stood in faith on something big like this against all circumstances and "seen" things, was when I said Eden would come home.  The enemy took me back to that day when all that faith and believing made me doubt God even existed and for sure made me not want to do it His way.  What I learned with Eden is that I had started to trust in an outcome, not in God.  I had done it again with this job.  I took my eyes of God and placed them on this one circumstance to prove God.

That next morning after realizing what I had done, I grabbed Bill Johnson's book When Heaven Invades Earth.  I could feel the enemy taking up camp in my doubt.  Thoughts like, "You'll look like a fool for telling people God told you something when it doesn't happen." or "God doesn't really work like this." or "Does God really even exist?"  I knew entertaining any one of those thoughts would start the spiral to unbelief, so I cried out to God to give me something as encouragement to keep believing...and as He promises, when I sought Him, I found Him.  I hate the "the book just fell open" stories, but that is what happened.  I started reading right where I opened the book.  The first sentence I read was, "Faith is the mirror of the heart that reflects the realities of the unseen world - the actual substance of His Kingdom. Through the prayer of faith we are able to pull the reality of His world into this one. That is the function of faith."  I was reminded that there is an unseen world that is real, and that I had to keep walking it out, having faith, believing I heard God correctly and keep believing even though I did not yet see!  Then reading on, the real kicker that was a hug from God letting me know I am not crazy, He is teaching me to walk in the unseen until it becomes seen...."The invisible realm is superior to the natural.  The reality of that invisible world dominates the natural world we live in...both positively and negatively. Because the invisible is superior to the natural, faith is anchored in the unseen...Unbelief is anchored in what is visible or reasonable apart from God.  It honors the natural realm as superior to the invisible. The apostle Paul states that what you can see is temporal, and what you can't see is eternal. Unbelief is faith in the inferior." And there I had it! What I needed to keep on.  I believe in the unseen.  I don't want what is seen to dictate my life! I don't want to be limited by what I can see on earth! I want His kingdom and His will as it is in heaven for my life here on earth....and God is teaching me that it is possible!

Throughout the rest of the process, I refused to waiver in my belief! There were days that I wondered.  There were days that I was tired of believing and things looked impossible. The timing of interviews and the thoughts of what to do about Addy's Hope would threaten to overtake my faith that I had heard God and we were moving.  But when those moments would come, I would find a scripture that God has given me on the journey...like Hebrews 11:6 that says without faith it is impossible to please God and I must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who seek him earnestly.  I would use my voice to thank God for the job He already had for John.  I thanked Him for the home He already had lined up for us in our new destination. I thanked Him for what the move would mean for Addy's Hope.  I told Him I trust Him with the agency and whatever the move means, I know it's for the good of His ministry!  Then I would go pack a box or clean out a closet that needed to be cleaned for the house to go on the market. It is really impossible to be depressed or discouraged about circumstances when you are working based on what you have faith will happen instead of what you "see" with your eyes on circumstances.  It is impossible to be discouraged and depressed when I am thanking God for the blessings He has told me are coming!  During the weeks of waiting for the circumstances to line up with what God had said, I knew John and I had matured a little...ok, a lot...and we might not have to go around the proverbial mountain anymore in some areas of our faith! It has become a joke over the course of our nearly 16 year marriage that when we didn't get what we were hoping for, we would go buy something...like a room of furniture!  When the first job fell through, we didn't buy a single thing...instead we cleaned out our closets so the house could go on the market!

So many times during this process, I wanted to take you guys on the journey with me and start blogging!  However, with the circumstances of both of our jobs, we really couldn't go totally public until we knew the timing of the move.  I wanted to blog through the process not after it was done, so forgive me if this is I jump around...there is so much God has taught me in this process that has encouraged me...and I pray it encourages you in whatever promise you are waiting for!

John continued to look for jobs, I continued packing boxes and getting projects done on the house that we knew would have to be done to put it on the market.  In fact, we had already talked that as soon as it was ready to show, we would put it on the market with or without a job.  It was funny because our kids started telling people, "we are moving...we don't know where..God just said we are moving!"  God really showed me during this process how much our walking out our faith truly impacts our kids.

As John looked at jobs all over the state, God began to be more specific in His directions.  We both were drawn to the Dallas/Ft. Worth area, but there were some really good jobs coming up in other places.  It finally got to a point that John would tell me about a job...one in particular was very good financially, and had a lot of what he was looking for in a job...but it wasn't in the metroplex.  I knew it wasn't the job.

There was a job that John had told me about pretty early in the process, however, it was similar to the job he has now and includes the every other month trip to Austin for three days.  When he first told me about the job, I said, "No way!  You are not going to move me away from my support system and then continue to leave me every other month!"  So John didn't pursue it any further.  He had already found out that the time line was going to be a little longer than we had hoped, but he really just put it aside because of my statements.  A couple of weeks went by, and there were not many more jobs coming up.  I went to God and asked why He wasn't providing the job if we were to move.  He then reminded me of the job I had immediately, in the flesh, told John he couldn't take! Ouch! I went back to John and explained that I had reacted in the flesh and had not prayed at all about that job.  I had to repent before God and John!  John explained that it was a job he would enjoy and would have great opportunities in the near future.  So we agreed to apply....and that is the job he is going to! I look back on that and know I learned a valuable lesson...walking in the flesh and in circumstances will always have the potential to cause me to miss God's plan and His blessing!

We continue to watch as circumstances line up with what God has already said.  It has taken me several days to get all of this typed up and in that time, we have put a contract on a house in Ft. Worth...not just any house..the one house that all our kids loved! It is John's dream house, and has the backyard that I have longed to have for our kids.  It has a pool, a fort and still tons of room for running and a trampoline!  It has a huge driveway that is perfect for basketball!  It has 6 bedrooms and still has room for the kids to have their own area which was important for me as they get older and I want our house to be the hang out!

We are still waiting for our house to sell, but neither one of us have any anxiety about it! When you operate from heaven to earth, when you trust what God said will happen, you just continue to walk it out believing by faith that He will do what ever it takes to make it work! It is such a peaceful place to live!

We are so thankful for the lessons God has taught us in this process.  We know this will forever be a milestone in our spiritual lives!  We still don't have all the answers...like what will Addy's Hope really look like...but even that is coming into view with what will have to be another blog post...

I just want to encourage you to start looking at your life from a heavenly view! Don't look at what circumstances say here on earth! Seek God.  Listen to His voice. And then act based on what He says ignoring anything that is earthly that contradicts His voice! It works! I can testify!

Trust ME

I lay awake last night about 2 am.  I woke up wondering when the baby would be ready to be fed.  We currently have custody of our two grand-babies, ages 5 weeks and almost one year.  Maybe I will some day be able to tell the story of how they came to be with us, but for now, I can only share it has been a heartbreaking journey that I don't understand.  But they are safe, and that is what is important.  I lay awake last night going through all the scenarios that the future could hold.  From the beginning of this journey that ended in us being granted custody, the only answer God would give as I cried out for wisdom and direction was, "Trust Me.."  That's it.  A simple whisper each time:

Trust Me

There was never a direction of "do _______" throughout this entire process.  Just "Trust Me...."  We did, and He provided at each step of the way exactly what we needed: wisdom, connections, timing, diapers, formula, clothes, baby swing, bouncy seat, a friend to stay with the 8 kids four of whom are three and under so I could go work a few hours and have a quiet lunch.  So as I lay awake last night contemplating all the ways this could turn out in the end, I was not surprised to once again hear, "Trust Me...."  I kind of flippantly replied, with my "sure...." But immediately the rebuke of the Holy Spirit followed: "I didn't say trust Me that they will stay with you, I didn't say trust Me because your heart will be safe and not shattered.  I said trust Me. That means you trust in Me...not in an outcome."  

Immediately, I felt the panic rise!  Ever since I knew we would be taking the babies into our home, I have wrestled with the "what ifs" of them being taken out of my life again.  I am so tired of heartbreak.  I am so weary of battles.  I have felt a divine peace with them in our home.  There have been times when the anxiety would start to creep in, but the small whisper would say, "Trust Me...." and the peace would return.  Last night I realized I had started to take that as a confirmation that the children would stay with us, and God quickly reminded me He had not promised that.  Now I am not saying that He was saying the children will not stay with us, my Father who knows my heart, who knows my previous struggles, knew where my trust was being placed. Trust is defined by Miriam-Webster's on-line dictionary as "assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something; or as one in which confidence is placed."  God knew I was beginning to place my confidence in them staying...and my peace was coming from the "confidence" (mis-placed confidence!) that the children would stay with me and my heart would not be shattered once more.  In the quiet of the morning hours, God asked me again to trust HIM!  He asked, "If they go back, will you trust Me? Will you trust that I am still sovereign?  Will you trust that I am still good?  Will you still rely on my character, ability and strength and continue to walk in relationship with me?" I wish I could say I immediately repented and answered with a resounding and confident, YES, Lord!  But that was not exactly how it went!  The tears came.  My heart ached at the thought.  But in the end, I laid those babies on the proverbial alter and agreed that I would walk this path in full trust and obedience of my Lord!  I would trust and stand in belief that no matter what happens, God is good, God is faithful, God is kind, God is loving.  I chose in that moment to put my trust - my assured reliance on the character and my confidence in - God....not an outcome, but in God!  

Today that trust was challenged.  We had a meeting that brought the reality of the future into greater clarity.  I don't know what will happen in the end, but I know I will choose to trust Him with it all!  I will choose to believe He is for me and not against me!  

I have prayed Psalm 91 almost daily for the past two years.  Verse 2 says, "I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress. My God in Whom I trust!"  And to that I say - Amen and Amen!