Under His WIngs

I just have to share how grateful I am that I serve a personal, caring and loving Heavenly Father! Daily life right now is really rough.  There is no big catastrophe in my life.  I look at what others are dealing with in illness and loss and know I have no right to complain, but still, the reality of this season is difficult.  The emotional toll on my heart and soul has been just nearly devastating! I have cried out to God many times asking Him when the load will become lighter.  I have read and re-read Matthew 11:28 that says God will give me rest when I come to him weary and burdened and verse 30 that says His yoke is easy and His burden is light.  My circumstances don't line up with this at all, but I am at a place in my spiritual walk where I refuse to let circumstances be my reality.  I choose to believe scripture and will stand in faith believing scripture until my circumstances line up with it! I am not there yet on this one, but I am still believing and asking for wisdom and knowledge and practical steps to get there.

I can't tell you that God has taken anything off of my plate, he has not lightened my load any as I have cried out to Him.  Some days, that is really frustrating for me! But this morning, I find myself a bit thankful for this load.  (Don't tell John because he might use it against me since he had to listen to the explosion that occurred this morning before I could get still with God and sort out all that is running through my head and heart! :) Sorry, Babe!) As James says in James 1, I am thankful for these trials because they are teaching me steadfastness and teaching me more about the character of God! And this week, He has taught me about His protection!

Psalm 91 is a scripture I have prayed almost daily for over a year now.  It has truths that I have held onto for dear life during that time.  One of them has been verse 4 that says He will cover me with His feathers and under His wings I will find refuge because His faithfulness is a shield.  I have loved that verse for quite some time now....in fact, oddly enough, that verse was something God used to speak to us about Eden's adoption! But as I have prayed that over myself for months now, it was a nice warm fuzzy concept, but really, that's all it was - a concept.  I wasn't really sure what it meant.  I knew it meant He would protect me.  I had myself envisioned curled up in His enormous lap with His gigantic arms wrapped around me so tightly that no one could see me to even know that I was there.  But this past week, God took it from a concept to an experience. You see, that is what He does when we seek to know Him more!  He reveals Himself!  He takes what we are reading about and makes it a reality! Can I tell you how much that makes me love Him more?  Can I tell you that's how I know he is REAL?!  On Tuesday we had an appointment that I had been dreading for months.  I had cried out to God asking Him to just remove the situation all together!  I had asked Him to just supernaturally do something so that we could just avoid the uncomfortableness and potential heartbreak.  Yet, the appointment stood.  There were several potential outcomes.  I can't say there was really a winning outcome...it's just one of those not great situations.  I had gotten to a place before we left Tuesday morning for the appointment where I could tell God, "I trust You! Whatever happens today, whatever I have to face, I trust you during the process and with the outcome."  That was pretty substantial since previously I was most certain if the meeting went one way, I would run out of it an emotional wreck!  We kept the appointment, but God protected us from any heartache associated with the meeting.  He covered me with His wings! Then again Sunday, there was a circumstance that would have been emotionally devastating.  I actually avoided the situation with what I thought was just an immature fit.  In fact, I was pretty sure I was going to have to repent for disobedience.  I went to bed Sunday night in complete turmoil.  God's Word promises that we will be lead by peace.  I have learned to find that peace no matter what is swirling around me.  But Sunday night, I couldn't get there! I couldn't sleep.  My stomach was in knots.  My heart was aching.  My thoughts were racing.  I eventually drifted off to sleep still unable to even really put words to what was causing the turmoil.  Being extremely transparent here, I am in a season where as soon as my alarm clock sounds, I begin praying for the strength to get out of bed and face my day! So I began that prayer Monday morning as soon as the alarm sounded...and then the situation from the previous day came back to mind.  But the turmoil was gone.  With in minutes of being awake, God gave voice to my emotions and peace flooded my entire being as He continued to speak and brought wisdom and direction.

And again, I felt His enormous wings as they covered me, and I felt His personal, intimate love for me!  And I realized what I thought was an act of disobedience and letting my emotions get the best of me was actually God using those emotions to protect me from what have been a very emotionally and spiritual hurtful situation.  He removed me from it all together and then gave me peace to confirm it was Him.

It is true, God has called me to this life that is really hard in many ways.  And the enemy would like for me to think that because He asked me to do something that brings pain and suffering and just plain hard times, that He is not a loving God.  But this week He has reminded me that as long as I keep my eyes on Him.  As long as I look to Him for my comfort and strength, no matter what the life He has called me to brings, there is always a safe place to go...under His LOVING wings!