It’s been awhile since I have written! Sorry for those who
are following the blog…..God did move the mountains and our buyers found
another lender to process their loan. However, the excitement over that fact
soon waned as the reality of the next weeks started to seep in. The original plan
was to live in our old house for a week (we got a one week lease back) so that
we could get a significant way into remodeling the new house before we had to
move in. We had hoped to have one floor of the house completed so that we could
move into that while the rest was being done. With us not being able to close
on our house, however, we could not start any type of construction.
So, we moved into the house that needs remodeling on
mattresses with suitcases. Due to spending hours on the phone at the end of the
move time trying to get a loan worked out so the sell of our house did not fall
through, our packing was delayed significantly. So the end move became one
great big mess! All the best plans for organization and packing to live were
gone! Add to that the fact that when we move it is the equivalent of moving 2
and a half families! That’s a lot of stuff! We literally filled trailers and
moved boxes and belongings from sun up to way past sundown for EIGHT days! To
say we were exhausted physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually is an
understatement! Add to that the dynamics of moving 8 kids, two of whom do not
do change well, into mass chaos….well, you get the picture! And if that was not
enough, we also threw in an emergency appendectomy after Noah came home from
school last Monday in great pain and throwing up! We are definitely feeling the
refining in this journey!
We had packed for 10 days of displacement. We are now going
on week three! So life looks a little like this:
The first few days living in the house, the excitement of
actually being on the property carried me! That and fishing in the evenings
with my favorite little people! It was surreal that we could walk out our
backdoor and catch fish! All the kids were outside interacting with each other…that
in itself is a miracle and made my mommy heart swell! But the reality of the
chaos soon took over. That and the fact that we really had no end date. They
were saying three weeks to close which meant three weeks of mass chaos before
even bigger chaos to move out for the last of the remodel! My head could not
even comprehend what that looked like. Add to that the daily tasks of trying to
do laundry with nowhere to put the clothes, cooking meals with no pots, pans or
utensils….you get the picture! I truly thought I was going to lose my mind!
There were a couple of days where if could I find a way out, I would have taken
it. I truly thought I had reached my mental capacity and something had to give!
All the while, I am watching friends around me lose parents to cancer, lose
babies to birthmoms changing their minds, friends dealing with loss of jobs and
facing financial ruin…all while I am moaning and complaining about a blessing
God is providing me. But here is what I have learned in my life, it is all
about perspective! While I can look at those other circumstances and clearly
see they are more severe than mine, the enemy tells lies and creates scenarios
where my circumstances seem just as dire! My biggest mistake in this entire
process was not spending every morning with Jesus! I was physically exhausted,
so I tried to sleep longer than I should have. After about 5 days of that, I
had no perspective except a worldly, circumstantial, satan ridden view of my
life. And it looked like the current condition of chaos and yuck was going to
last forever and be impossible to survive! It wasn’t until I got alone with
Jesus…out under the trees in one of my favorite spots that I felt the weight
and weariness lift off!
I have often read Exodous and wondered how the Israelites
could grumble and complain and ask to go back to captivity given all they saw
God do. However, I was just like the Israelites in this move! God had moved
mountains! He had given me a faith stronger than any I had ever had to face the
challenges of the loan without wavering one bit. I was so proud of how I had
handled myself in the trials of the process…until the actual move! So what
changed? What took me to a place of grumbling and complaining and seemingly
hopelessness? It was one thing…taking my eyes of Jesus! It sounds so simple.
And it really is. Just. That. Simple! I started looking at the waves around me,
and I sank! But here is the deal, it only took one moment of worship and being
reminded that my reality comes from heaven to earth to refocus myself! It was a
quick reminder that when my emotions and feelings start heading for the pit, I
better find some headphones or a quiet spot and get the Word or worship or both
running through my mind to refuel, restore and renew me!
Right now we are set to close on both houses on Wednesday!
That is 48 hours. Even in the chaos, John and I walk around our property in awe
that we would ever own such a piece of heaven on earth! For a gal who grew up in the West Texas desert (which by the way I also think is beautiful!), to now sit under trees in plush grass with a tree lined pond in front of her truly feels like a dream. One of my new favorite de-stressers
is to come out in the evenings and watch the fireflies as they start to light
up the wooded area behind our house. I am ashamed that I grumbled and
complained about such a blessing regardless of how hard the journey has been….BUT
God loves me all the same! He doesn’t sit in disgust that I didn’t walk all of
this journey well! The stress is not over! We are about to move all 10 of us
into one living room! :) Prayers appreciated! Ha! But I am determined to end well! I am determined to
keep my eyes on Jesus… on the blessings and not the circumstances! Can I
encourage you to do the same in whatever journey you are facing that is
stretching you? I know many who are facing much worse things than moving into a
living area with 9 of their favorite people! But I know a God who is big enough
and gracious enough and FAITHFUL enough to handle it no matter what it is!
I would love to pray with you for your circumstances to line
up with heaven if you need to know someone is walking with you! Just leave me a
comment if you are not on my Facebook! Or you can always email me at hollyann@addyshope.com if you need to
know someone is praying and believing with you! Keep believing and looking in His
face!
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