We are one week and 6 days into life without our oldest daughter. Honestly, I'm not sure even still what life should look like. John and I talked about it last night. We have to face the heart wrenching possibility that she will never reconcile to our family. We only had her a year and a half. She may decide to find her "family" somewhere else. Circumstances right now would say that is the case. Where she has chosen to place herself is a toxic environment - physically, emotionally and most of all spiritually. Family and friends ask us, "What now?"
God has given me Ephesians 6:13 twice in the last few days "and, having done all [the crisis demands], to stand [firmly in your place]." That's what now! We have just begun attending a new church - a post for a later time - and our new pastor's wife, Tonya, handed me a piece of paper with a couple of scriptures on it Sunday. This was one of them. And with it, she had written the Greek for withstand - "anthistemi - to cause to stand; suggests vigorously opposing, bravely resisting, standing face-to-face against an adversary, standing our ground...with the authority and spiritual weapons granted us we can withstand evil forces." That is what now! I will stand against the devil himself for my daughter! I will fight for her until my last breath! It's what a mother does!
Now before you put me on some sort of spiritual pedestal, understand that the last few days have not been all that great. In fact, last night, I lost it and sobbed shaking the bed enough to wake the dead - aka John when he sleeps! I haven't been able to spend as much time in the Word with school starting, so the lies of the enemy began creeping in. My thoughts wondered to places that had me focusing on circumstances and not Truth. I have had my moments of despair where I wondered if my heart could ever forgive someone who walked out on me and made the accusations she has made that caused us - and our other children - to walk through circumstances I would never in a million years have dreamed I would find myself. But as God tends to do in my mothering of all my children, He keeps bringing the correlation between my daughter and myself to my God and me.
I meet with an amazing woman of God each week. The Truth and wisdom she has been imparting to me over the last year is honestly the only reason I can stand under the weight of what is going on in my family right now at all. She has taught me the Truth of the Secret Place in Psalm 91 and of how we soar on wings like eagles without growing weary or fainting. She has taught me how to be hidden with Christ! I am so thankful. We started a new book this week. And it came with a disclaimer from Becky. She warned us that we are entering enemy territory because we are about to upset his apple-cart with what we will learn in this book. My answer....BRING IT ON!!!! I couldn't even get past the intro without having to stop and process. It is good stuff! And it has made me reflect on the past year and a half with Paizley.
The book is Shattering Your Strongholds by Liberty Savard. Here is one of the nuggets that got me to thinking: "The problem is this: even scripturally correct truth cannot always penetrate a soul that is filled with stronghold thinking....He does not change, bypass, or override our memories and beliefs; He just keeps offering His love and truth until we finally become willing to exchange our old beliefs and old ideas for them." Wow! I don't think I could sum up the past year and a half with any better words. In my weakness I take the rejection personally, but when I am standing in faith and trust in God, I see that this whole thing has little to do with me and a LOT to do with a battle over a soul!
God gave me some scriptures for Paizley over a year ago. If I reacted the way my old self would have - like my old self of about 10 months ago - I would be shaking my finger at God and asking why?! But I am walking in a new lever of trust, faith and understanding of the character of my God! I know that the path my daughter has chosen is not the path God would have chosen for her. Just like I walk on paths at times that God would not choose for me. The fact is, when we do that, we are outside God's perfect will. His Word is clear that He will not force Himself nor His will on anyone! We are free to choose! Liberty Savard says it this way, "This partial verse [1 John 3:8 The reason the Son of God was made manifest (visible) was to undo (destroy, loosen, and dissolve) the works the devil has done] tells us that the reason the Son of God appeared on Earth was to destroy the devil's works - to loosen and dissolve them - and He will provide what we need to do the same thing. This is God's will, but your will has to make a choice to call your life on Earth into alignment and agreement with God's will in Heaven. God will not force you to do so, but He will help you." (emphasis mine)
So many times Christians become disheartened, and I have done the same thing, because something God gave us to pray for didn't happen. For me, this has always in the past put me on a downward spiral to doubt and unbelief. But now I understand many times when the outcome is not favorable, it is because a free will was exerted. It is important of me, and I think all of us, to understand this so that I don't become disappointed or disheartened with God over the outcomes of circumstances and situations that involve humans!
Now, God doesn't teach me lessons like this to sit in judgement! He teaches me lessons like this to put the magnifying glass on myself! You don't watch a child walk away from your family without lots of self-reflection! At least, I don't see how you could. As I watch my daughter walk away, I am challenged to ask what I have walked away from? What has God wanted to teach me that I have turned a deaf ear and blind eye to? What plan has God had for me that I let circumstances or feelings dictate the path I took instead of standing on Truth!
There are a couple of circumstances in my life right now that are threatened by feelings and sight to cause me to give up. No one in their right mind would advise me to push forward if I laid out the pro/con list or spelled out the details. But here's the deal, when we live according to Biblical prinicples, we are not in our "right mind" - we are in the "Mind of Christ"! And that operates according to rules and order that we don't understand here on earth! Doubt me? Jesus was born to a virgin. Jesus raised Lazerath from the dead and then raised himself from the dead. Jesus fed 5,000+ with a few loaves and fish. When society gave up on a woman, he went to the well to meet her one-on-one and spoke life. Peter walked on water - at least until he took his eyes off Jesus. Jonah was swallowed by a big fish and spit back up. And I lived through a child walking out my door with my granddaughter!
So if you are facing a circumstance that seems insurmountable or God has called you to what appears to be the impossible, let me encourage you! Another scripture that has come up multiple times in different ways this week is Matthew 17 "Then the disciples came to Jesus and asked privately, Why could we not drive it out? 20 He said to them, Because of the littleness of your faith [that is, your lack of [h]firmly relying trust]. For truly I say to you, if you have faith [[i]that is living] like a grain of mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, Move from here to yonder place, and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you." NOTHING! That word does not leave room for argument - with faith, no thing is impossible for you! And when you've done all else, stand! Then watch the enemy run! James 4:7 I pray you see your mountain start to shake today as you stand in faith and say to it MOVE! I'm watching mine do the same!
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