The funk I've been in can be boiled down to one word - "unbelief". I can relate to Beth Moore in Praying God's Word when she answers the Lord's command to believe with, "Of course I believe in you. I've believed in You all my life." And I can relate to the Lord's response to her just as much, "I didn't ask you to believe in me, I asked you to believe me." I don't remember a time when I didn't believe in God! However, believing Him, believing He can and will do what He says He will do, well, that's something I've struggled with my entire adult life. I have made great strides in my belief, and even thought I had come to a place of utter belief of God: Who He is, What He is, What He can do! But I can once again relate to Beth when she says, "I have a feeling this is one theme I probably will run into again and again in the course of my journey. Why? because without faith it is impossible to please Him...you and I will be challenged to believe Him from one season to the next, all of our days. And if we have even half a heart for God, He's likely to shake our perimeters and stir up a little excitement." I say it all the time...our home is a lot of things, but boring is definitely NOT one of them! And God is doing it again! Stirring us up...I'm finding that He lets us sit less and less in the place we are in as He challenges us to grow in Him.
In fact, I haven't even overcome my last unbelief...not in God, but in myself. For the next step of faith God is calling us to, He is asking me to believe I can do much what I had to believe I could do to bring Isabella into our home. I overcame that unbelief and welcomed her. But we are definitely still walking out that belief in a day to day basis...and frankly, most days I feel much more like a failure than a success! So as I contemplate this next step of faith while still wrestling with fleshing out the last one, I once again hear my thoughts ringing in Beth Moore's words:
"The enemy taunts us with whispers like, 'You'll never be free. You've tried a hundred times. You go back every time. You're hopeless. You're weak. You're a failure. You don't have what it takes.'...You do have what it takes. You have Jesus - the Way, the Truth and the Life. But you can't just believe in him to be free from your stronghold. You must believe Him. Believe He can do what He says He can do. Believe you can do what He says you can do. Believe He is who He says He is. And believe you are who He says you are."
There it is. The crust of my funk - I don't believe...I believe He is who He says He is. I believe He can do what ever He wants! I struggle with believing He will do what He says He will do and I just flat have lots of unbelief in the area of believing I can do what He says I can do!
But once again, my God whom I love dearly and is so personal, met me right here...in my unbelief! Beth's words have ministered to my soul. They have encouraged and inspired me through the Holy Spirit! I sat and spoke out loud the areas I am struggling in personally. The areas I feel like a failure. The areas that I don't believe I can do because of my human limitations. I sat and spoke out loud, "I believe I can _______" and filled in the blank with all the things the enemy has told me I can't do over the past few weeks. It's amazing the perspective change that gives me! I see my children as blessings and not burdens. I see tasks before me as adventures not challenges. I am amazed at just how much differently life looks with my focus on Jesus, His ways, His power, His strength; and not on me or the world!
I am refueled and ready today! I am able! Whatever comes my way today, I am able! I'm ready for a great start to a great week! I will not just survive this week, I will LIVE it!
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
Faith is Radical
As we work to continue to mold our world with that of our sweet Isabella, I realize just how radical our faith is. Even for Callie, I realize how much the world has already influenced her thoughts and ideas of standards for living. Mainly we are dealing with clothing and appropriate attire right now. Don't have an issue with Callie's dress yet, but as we talk about the why's and the boundaries that will be in place, the arguments that come out of both of their mouths break my heart!
But I am finding that God is just using that to reveal to me how radical faith of any kind is these days. And also to show me how much I am influenced by the thoughts and patterns of the world. John and I have a major decision to make in the weeks coming up. It is a radical decision. The answer should seem obvious, and I know for many who we would ask, it would be. In fact, at one time, we were giving the same answer. But as clear as day, I know God picked me up from walking in that answer and turned me completely around. He made it clear we had not consulted Him on our decision. The new answer is radical! It is not logical! It is crazy! It will take faith! Nothing in sight says it makes sense! Yet, if we were not to change from the path we were going to the new, radical path, why would He have stopped us? Wouldn't He have left well enough alone?
Because of the funk I have talked about so much lately, over the past few months, when God has spoken directly to me or I felt a nudge of the Holy Spirit, I wrote it down. Word for word as best I could what God was trying to show me or reveal to me. I have been reviewing all these notes over the past couple of days. Things that seem so clear in that moment of revelation become so clouded when I walk out into the world called my life as mom of 6 with one on the way. But here is the deal, the only thing keeping us from moving head long in one direction is HUMAN limitation! That's it. We look at a situation that God has put before us and John and I both say, there is NO way! John is still unsure, but I am almost certain God is saying, "this is My way, walk in it!" I am totally ready to lay that down if my husband tells me that God has told him no or that is not the direction he, John, feels we need to go. It will be hard, not because letting go of the situation will be tough (although that has its own heart strings too), but because it will leave me once again in a crisis of faith with God. If I am walking down a path and am at peace and content with that decision, why in the world would You, God, turn it all upside down just to turn me back around and continue to walk in the original direction? There will be some serious crying out to God if it turns out we end up not walking down this path. But let me add here how grateful am I am to be a woman at times like this! I know my place. Regardless of what I think God is telling me, the buck doesn't stop with me! I am protected under the covering and the leadership of my husband. Does that mean I will agree with him? Maybe not in the beginning. Does that mean I will not have to struggle through some things with God and maybe even John over the outcome? No. But it does mean that I can present what God has said to me to John then sit back and let him make the decision. My job at that point is to pray for John and ask God to impart His wisdom to John so that John can make the right decision. But the burden of that decision does not fall on my shoulders, and that is a blessing. Makes me thankful and makes me realize the importance of bringing my man before God on a daily if not hourly basis since these burdens do rest on his shoulders for our family!
In light of this situation, Mary is my hero right now! I read about her visit with Elizabeth. I'm sure this especially speaks to me right now since I am carrying a little blessing myself - one God brought to us because we certainly were not planning him/her! I've not been called baron or beyond child bearing years as Elizabeth was (although I have felt like that at times with my 'advance maternal age' and all!), and this was not an immaculate conception. But sparing you all the intimate details, lets just leave it at this baby is God ordained! I've never had direct Words from God spoken over me in my life. I've never had anyone come up to me and say, "God told me _____ for you or a situation."....that is until this pregnancy! So in some ways, I very much relate to these two women! They both were carrying children who had been spoken over as vital in the kingdom of God. They both knew that the radical beginnings of the lives in side of them were just that - the radical beginnings of radical lives for their two sons! Elizabeth's words to Mary are so encouraging to me right now in Luke 1! When Mary spoke to Elizabeth, John lept in her womb! How cool is that? Even in the womb, John the Baptist knew the Messiah had entered the room! I love it! Elizabeth encourages Mary by telling her that she is blessed because she has believed that what God has told her will happen and is true! Oh how I want to be like Mary! The words spoken over our baby are not that unbelievable compared to Mary. Let's see....Mary's baby was conceived through immaculate conception! You could just stop there and call Mary a hero for believing she is pregnant! Goodness knows I've had a hard time grasping the fact that I'm pregnant and I've done the deed to get that way, am now feeling movement and had many more symptoms to make it register! But Mary believed the moment she was told. I would like to think if an angel had come to tell me and not a stick with a line, I would have grasped it sooner also, but I'm not so sure I would have! God had spoken this baby's existence over me several months before I got pregnant, but I still didn't believe when I got pregnant.
But Mary, in her absolutely crazy circumstances, doesn't stop with belief! Luke 1:46-55 is Mary's blog post of Bible times about the goodness and wonder of God! She isn't wallowing in self-pity that God would place this burden on her or call her to such a high thing! Let's think about it: she is a pregnant virgin with the Savior of the world! How believable is that? Think of going to your mother, your father, your fiance and explaining that one! Really?! It has cost her friends and family. It brought undeserved shame and embarrassment. Yet she says, "My soul exalts in the Lord, and my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior!" Oh to be like Mary!
God make me not only believe what You are asking of us right now, but let me rejoice in being the one You have asked! Get my eyes off myself and the world and onto You and Your kingdom! Give me a bigger perspective that allows me to rejoice in the things you have called me to in this world! Yes, I have reward in heaven, but help me to see the rewards right here!
But I am finding that God is just using that to reveal to me how radical faith of any kind is these days. And also to show me how much I am influenced by the thoughts and patterns of the world. John and I have a major decision to make in the weeks coming up. It is a radical decision. The answer should seem obvious, and I know for many who we would ask, it would be. In fact, at one time, we were giving the same answer. But as clear as day, I know God picked me up from walking in that answer and turned me completely around. He made it clear we had not consulted Him on our decision. The new answer is radical! It is not logical! It is crazy! It will take faith! Nothing in sight says it makes sense! Yet, if we were not to change from the path we were going to the new, radical path, why would He have stopped us? Wouldn't He have left well enough alone?
Because of the funk I have talked about so much lately, over the past few months, when God has spoken directly to me or I felt a nudge of the Holy Spirit, I wrote it down. Word for word as best I could what God was trying to show me or reveal to me. I have been reviewing all these notes over the past couple of days. Things that seem so clear in that moment of revelation become so clouded when I walk out into the world called my life as mom of 6 with one on the way. But here is the deal, the only thing keeping us from moving head long in one direction is HUMAN limitation! That's it. We look at a situation that God has put before us and John and I both say, there is NO way! John is still unsure, but I am almost certain God is saying, "this is My way, walk in it!" I am totally ready to lay that down if my husband tells me that God has told him no or that is not the direction he, John, feels we need to go. It will be hard, not because letting go of the situation will be tough (although that has its own heart strings too), but because it will leave me once again in a crisis of faith with God. If I am walking down a path and am at peace and content with that decision, why in the world would You, God, turn it all upside down just to turn me back around and continue to walk in the original direction? There will be some serious crying out to God if it turns out we end up not walking down this path. But let me add here how grateful am I am to be a woman at times like this! I know my place. Regardless of what I think God is telling me, the buck doesn't stop with me! I am protected under the covering and the leadership of my husband. Does that mean I will agree with him? Maybe not in the beginning. Does that mean I will not have to struggle through some things with God and maybe even John over the outcome? No. But it does mean that I can present what God has said to me to John then sit back and let him make the decision. My job at that point is to pray for John and ask God to impart His wisdom to John so that John can make the right decision. But the burden of that decision does not fall on my shoulders, and that is a blessing. Makes me thankful and makes me realize the importance of bringing my man before God on a daily if not hourly basis since these burdens do rest on his shoulders for our family!
In light of this situation, Mary is my hero right now! I read about her visit with Elizabeth. I'm sure this especially speaks to me right now since I am carrying a little blessing myself - one God brought to us because we certainly were not planning him/her! I've not been called baron or beyond child bearing years as Elizabeth was (although I have felt like that at times with my 'advance maternal age' and all!), and this was not an immaculate conception. But sparing you all the intimate details, lets just leave it at this baby is God ordained! I've never had direct Words from God spoken over me in my life. I've never had anyone come up to me and say, "God told me _____ for you or a situation."....that is until this pregnancy! So in some ways, I very much relate to these two women! They both were carrying children who had been spoken over as vital in the kingdom of God. They both knew that the radical beginnings of the lives in side of them were just that - the radical beginnings of radical lives for their two sons! Elizabeth's words to Mary are so encouraging to me right now in Luke 1! When Mary spoke to Elizabeth, John lept in her womb! How cool is that? Even in the womb, John the Baptist knew the Messiah had entered the room! I love it! Elizabeth encourages Mary by telling her that she is blessed because she has believed that what God has told her will happen and is true! Oh how I want to be like Mary! The words spoken over our baby are not that unbelievable compared to Mary. Let's see....Mary's baby was conceived through immaculate conception! You could just stop there and call Mary a hero for believing she is pregnant! Goodness knows I've had a hard time grasping the fact that I'm pregnant and I've done the deed to get that way, am now feeling movement and had many more symptoms to make it register! But Mary believed the moment she was told. I would like to think if an angel had come to tell me and not a stick with a line, I would have grasped it sooner also, but I'm not so sure I would have! God had spoken this baby's existence over me several months before I got pregnant, but I still didn't believe when I got pregnant.
But Mary, in her absolutely crazy circumstances, doesn't stop with belief! Luke 1:46-55 is Mary's blog post of Bible times about the goodness and wonder of God! She isn't wallowing in self-pity that God would place this burden on her or call her to such a high thing! Let's think about it: she is a pregnant virgin with the Savior of the world! How believable is that? Think of going to your mother, your father, your fiance and explaining that one! Really?! It has cost her friends and family. It brought undeserved shame and embarrassment. Yet she says, "My soul exalts in the Lord, and my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior!" Oh to be like Mary!
God make me not only believe what You are asking of us right now, but let me rejoice in being the one You have asked! Get my eyes off myself and the world and onto You and Your kingdom! Give me a bigger perspective that allows me to rejoice in the things you have called me to in this world! Yes, I have reward in heaven, but help me to see the rewards right here!
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Not by sight but by faith.....
My funk returns....seems like I've been in a lot of funks lately, doesn't it? I know it is because it is my flesh warring with my Spirit. It frustrates me! I hate that I don't walk in the Spirit every day! Its so much easier when I do, but for some reason I get in these funks where I just can't seem to shake the flesh, I can't get my Spiritual eyes working and all I see is the "reality" of what I see, which is not the reality at all when you are a Believer and have the power that raised Christ from the dead with in you. Can't wait for the day that my flesh is gone and I forever get to live in my Spirit! Come on Jesus! I am ready!
But until that day, He obviously has more for me to do or I wouldn't be here. I have really been fighting the funk trying to come out of it. I fail more days than I succeed, but today is a day I am feeling victorious over the funk! :)
A couple of weeks ago, the funk, the cloud was thick! I begged God to speak at church, and He did. He started in the worship service. Because my times when I hear from him are so precious to me these days, I write it ALL down! We were singing a song with the lyrics, "Not by sight, but by faith, I believe you never fail. I will follow You in all Your ways...and stand and proclaim to the world Your saving Name."
As I sang that, God just impressed some truths on me.
But until that day, He obviously has more for me to do or I wouldn't be here. I have really been fighting the funk trying to come out of it. I fail more days than I succeed, but today is a day I am feeling victorious over the funk! :)
A couple of weeks ago, the funk, the cloud was thick! I begged God to speak at church, and He did. He started in the worship service. Because my times when I hear from him are so precious to me these days, I write it ALL down! We were singing a song with the lyrics, "Not by sight, but by faith, I believe you never fail. I will follow You in all Your ways...and stand and proclaim to the world Your saving Name."
As I sang that, God just impressed some truths on me.
- It is only by faith and not sight that I can believe God never fails! Sight might say God failed because I didn't receive the outcome I thought would come or I desired. This has happened MANY times to me when walking by faith because in the end I had my focus on the wrong things. In hindsight, I can see where God totally came through despite an outcome because He changed me or grew me, but when I get down (or in a funk like now) I look at those things from the past and start to doubt that God will do what He has said He will do right now. But as I sang these words on this Sunday morning, God reminded me that I must look even at the past with eyes of faith and not sight! I HAVE to trust and follow. PERIOD.
- I can ONLY stand and proclaim God's saving name to the world when I follow HIM in HIS ways! I can't follow Him in MY ways! His ways don't look like mine. His ways don't always make sense. His ways are hard sometimes. His ways are sure not the world's ways. Only in being different and standing up for Him do I glorify Him and who His power...and thus His saving name to a watching world.
Of course, as soon as I got home from church and life hit me in the face with six kids and a pregnancy, these things kind of faded. I hate that about myself right now! I listen to The Alter and the Door by Casting Crowns a lot right now because I think that is my life! I lose it somewhere between the alter and the door!
Today, though, I rest in the peaceful place of Jesus having met me right here, even in my funk, again! He has given me hope, given me a bit of joy and peace that I haven't felt for awhile. He has made the mountains before me look a little smaller. I will not worry about tomorrow for it will have enough trouble of its own!
Walking by faith...
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