If not me than who?

The thing I tell people about adopting period, but especially through the foster system is that you have to be prepared for anything. We learned in Noah's adoption that God is sovereign. What we "think" we can handle really doesn't matter to Him. He KNOWS what we can handle and He picks our children accordingly! I have learned to trust that. The way we operate is not what can we handle, what illness/handicap/label will we take or what behavior can we deal with. This is not a normal way to look at it...and even as an agency director, I can say would make me nervous for someone I didn't know well enough to know their faith walk to tell me is the way they decide if a child will fit in their family or not! We simply ask God if this is our child. It is how we have done it with every child that has come into our home any way but birth. We don't make a list of pros and cons. We don't ask if we can "deal with" the list of baggage the child comes with. Frankly, if we did, that answer would always be NO!

So in some ways we go into our adoptions with eyes wide open but with blinders on, if that makes sense. We don't deny what we are taking on, but at the same time, we trust God to provide what we need to parent any child He brings to us. Is it scary at times, absolutely! Does my trust waiver at times, more than I wish it did!

The most recent incident of putting this trust into play came with Baby Girl. We had become increasingly concerned because she was not talking. Not just she only had a few words, but NO words. At 12 months, she was using no verbal communication and no affection what so ever. She has no sense of stranger danger and would go to anyone, in fact, many times would go to someone else over me. So we started the battery of tests. Of course, attachment is one of the first things you start thinking when in the adoption realm as this is a "biggie" of buzz words. There were some signs of that. But would that make her non-verbal? Possibly. But are we dealing with more? The appointments began....

I won't go into full detail as this is a public place and never want to expose more of my children than they would want with specifics unless feel directed by God to do so. If you are struggling with some of the same issues and want to chat about your situation, I will be happy to visit with you privately! Just leave me a comment with your e-mail address or way to get in touch with you! Or you can always e-mail me.

I love our pediatrician! He is a very talented doctor who will leave no stone unturned. However, he is not a believer! There are tons of us praying for his salvation, so I believe he will be before God is done with him, but right now, he is not. He usually just shakes his head at me! He doesn't really get what we "do". He thinks its noble, but really doesn't understand why we do it. If I had a dollar for every time he has said, "You have your hands full.", I would be as wealthy as he is!

I wasn't able to go in for the consult with him about Baby Girl, so John handled it this time. I was at another doctor appointment! One of the not-so-fun things of being mom to 6 (almost 7), lost of doctor visits!!! Our pediatricians assessment of Baby Girl carried a diagnosis that I had wondered about since the first day I saw her, but had put to the back of my mind. It is the number one scariest thing for me personally if I were to give you my biggest fear for any of my adopted children. It has the most life-long implications - outside of the more severe handicaps and serious special needs of course. When we first heard the diagnosis (came from a counselor first a few weeks before the pedi), I lost it! I cried every time I tried to talk about it. I was angry! Angry at those in her life who had caused it, angry at God for not protecting her, angry at the system for not doing more for children sooner. Just angry! My Baby Girl was going to have to overcome a disability because of the sins of others. That made me mad! Than anger becomes hurt and fear finds its place as you play through the "what if" scenarios of the next lifetime with this child.

But this wasn't my first rodeo as we say in Texas! When we got all the backlash when we told everyone about adopting Noah and the background of his birth-mom, I had the same thoughts and fears. But the thing that I kept thinking was, "If not me, then who?" There is a child here. This is not a concept. This is not an idea. This is not a what-if. This is a flesh and blood, needing a home, needing a mother child! If I am not his or her mother, then who will be?

Our counselor is a personal friend, and she knows us well enough to not go into the "what this means" with us. She knows that Baby Girl is ours. PERIOD. It doesn't matter if she grew horns and a third arm. She is ours. That is settled. Our pediatrician on the other hand, well, he still just doesn't get it! So when John went to talk to him, he of course had to voice his concerns about life-long implications. The "you really need to consider this before you adopt her" speech.

I guess it took me back as we don't encounter that much anymore since those closest to us know our resolve when it comes to the children God has laid on our hearts as "ours". They may think the same thing as the doctor, and they may think we are crazy, but they don't usually voice it!

Even as John was telling me what he said, I looked into the dark brown eyes right below that curly black hair, and I knew it didn't matter! I am her mother. God blessed me with this precious life. This new news may mean more heart ache. It may mean more trying times. But I am her mother. I am not, then who will be? The thing is, its not just my Baby Girl struggling with this. There are thousands of children in our country right now who sit in foster systems because there is "then who?" for them! I will not add another one to the list because of fears of the enemy! You see, God can overcome ANY diagnosis! I love Dr. Karyn Purvis' view: the only label I will give a child is sinner! As I tell my doctor all the time, you can diagnose them as whatever you think, but if you tell them, I'll kill ya! We haven't done "labels" up to this point and we are not going to start now! Labels do not allow for the healing power of Jesus Christ! Labels do not allow for overcoming and meeting higher expectations.

Do we "consider" it before we complete the adoption. Yes. We consider it a privilege to be trust by God to raise up this Warrior Princess for His kingdom! We consider it a privilege to be entrusted with this fearfully and wonderfully made child who is created in the image of God! And we trust Him to handle all that will come with it!