I still believe He has freed me from food. I don't have the addiction or the tendency to run to food for my comfort that I did have. However, I do have habits. I do have set ways that have to be broken. The freedom is here, but now He has to teach me how to walk in it.
I had posted on Facebook a few weeks ago asking my health conscious friends for one or two things they would do if they were wanting to start feeding their families in a more healthy way. One friend sent me a text with a number for a friend who is a CHRISTIAN, a nutritionist and personal trainer. I made the call and she sent me her information on what she offers. I was excited. Then I wasn't. First, obviously she doesn't do this for free. Money is tight. The things I thought we could afford and would be helpful for the entire family, John wasn't really very excited about. So I kind of dropped it.
But as the weight hasn't fallen off and the jeans got a little tighter, I became very discouraged. My freedom from food is tied to many things for me! It is a complicated issue. Losing the weight represents so many things in my spiritual life for me. So when it seems to be just out of my reach, the enemy has a field day with it and convinces me I will never be free in this are or any other and then proceeds to convince me that God doesn't mean anything He says. And that snowball just keep rolling down the hill getting bigger and bigger and faster and faster until it just about takes me over!
Then God shows up! I am not even sure I was praying about it at the time, but a thought dropped into my mind a couple weeks ago. When I lost all my weight in college, I did it with the help of a food journal and a dietitian. She held me accountable with the food log and gave me menu and food ideas for the week ahead. The fog about what I needed to do to walk out of this prison cell of food bondage lifted immediately and what I knew I needed came so easily. I needed accountability and a plan! God spoke to my heart that my struggles with food right now are not in rebellion or from a misplaced worship or loyalty. The struggles are from old habits that I have to break and truly not having a plan for healthy eating. God has told me from the beginning that "programs" are not for me right now because I need to make sure I deal with the spiritual issues. I have even had a family member offer to pay for my hcg shots to do the hcg diet! That was an interesting conversation! :) But God has said a very clear NO to anything like that. But at the same time, doing this alone hasn't worked so well the past 12 years!
With my new clarity, I sat down and wrote a fairly lengthy e-mail to the nutritionist I had talked with previously. I kindly explained that I had looked over her programs and there were not any that I really felt fit what I needed and spelled out what I had heard God tell me I needed. She took awhile to respond as it was during the busy holiday season, but when I got her response, I was overjoyed! Not only was she excited about helping, but the fee she put with the assistance was totally doable even on our tight budget!!!
So January 6, we have our first meeting, and we will meet every other week. I can't wait! I can't wait to be equipped to walk in the freedom that I know is already mine! I will have a plan for each meal and each snack so that old habits or lack of time do not take over and force me to grab the nearest, quickest and usually unhealthy food available as I run out the door or move on to the next kiddo needing my attention! And my entire family will benefit. They don't know it yet, and probably are not going to be entirely thrilled about it, but it will be good for them too!
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