It's Not for Comfort

My first week down with the new job..and there were many moments I wondered what in the world I got myself into!  There were many unexpected challenges as some things were not in order that were thought to be in order when I took the position.  We were very short staffed which meant I was in a baby room most of the week while also trying to figure out how the office ran.  It was challenging to say the least.  But I survived!  And really, I am enjoying working with other adults instead of alone as I do with the agency.  And I know I will enjoy the tangible difference I see in the center as things turn around, and we take it to the next level.  God has brought some pretty awesome people to our center this week.  I hired a head start teacher who will start in a couple of weeks.  That is what I had prayed for...trained, experienced teachers.  I also have staff that have stuck with us through the transition which after last week, I realize is a miracle as it has been stressful on them as well.

As I went to bed exhausted and sick one night this weekend, I just cried out to God, "WHY?!"  As mush as I really do love being at the center and having the opportunity to love on and pray with and over so many children, I really was not looking for any more responsibility or things to do.  Yes, the extra income is nice, although once again I find myself in a position where I could work at most fast food places and make more per hour than I am currently.  I have had several people ask me "why?!" who knew all that was already on my plate.  After you are asked that enough, you really start to wonder...did I miss it? Am I really that dumb to have taken this on?

So I went back to the One who I believe asked me to take it on.  I cried out and again He answered.  First, He reminded me that what I am doing in the daycare has eternal value in the lives that it touches both children and parents.  Then He also reminded me of my passion for the Body of Christ that we now call home.  It is a small church that struggles financially from time to time.  But the potential in this Body because of the heart of our people, and our pastor, for people to intimately know God in a life changing way and our desire to see God's glory go public, makes me dream of the lives it could impact for the Kingdom.  But we need resources.  The learning center is one way to raise revenue that can impact the church and equip it to do what God has for our part of His Body.  And that renewed my commitment to what I am doing. Then we watched the first episode of The Bible.  As I watched the part about Moses, how he stepped out and told the people God sent him to free them - many laughed and scoffed.  Only a few believed him. I was encouraged about the reactions many have had to the news that I was taking on this responsibility.  So many stories in the Bible are about people stepping out and doing the unpopular or out of the ordinary thing - having a baby while still a virgin and unmarried, marrying a pregnant woman who could shame your family, building a great big boat when it had never rained, raising a sword to kill your son - the one who would fulfill a promise of descendants that out number the stars in the sky- and the list goes on and on. God reminded me that many times life with his is not comfortable!  But oh how that goes against what most of America is about!  Work until you have enough to retire comfortably then travel the world.  Get your children raised so you can enjoy life to yourself.  It seems that most of what our society is about is comfort.  But nothing about what God is about is comfort.  He calls us to a life of surrender!  Don't get me wrong, I don't think He calls us to a life of martyrdom either where we are constantly throwing ourselves on a sword for "his cause"! But I think there are seasons of growth.  When He answered me on whether or not I should take this position, He told me it was for training.  Training is hard. Training stretches you.  Training is not comfortable.  I guess maybe that has struck me so hard because I thought after all this time that I had overcome the need for comfort.  I thought I had conquered the American dream of just coasting through life.  Yet when I was stretched, the thing that I regretted was that I couldn't just be comfortable.  Which is why I am in need of more training!

Day one of this week wasn't much better as I worked a 13 hour day between the agency and the daycare.  Luckily it is Spring Break here so John is off with the kids.  But as I walked in the door and saw that the babies were already in bed, I burst into tears!  I miss my kids!  I know they and John are my first ministry.  So I will be finding balance in the days and weeks to come.  I have learned I am an all or nothing person through becoming a working mom.  That makes balance a really difficult thing!  When I am home, I just want to be home and don't want to think about work.  When I am at work, I just want to work and find it hard to leave things undone to to home.  Thinking this is probably another part of my training ground....listening to the still small voice Who has a plan for my day and trusting that He orders my steps!

So on to day two of week two!