I surrender....

So today was not a Hallmark movie day at the Petree house! In fact, more than once, I found myself at the end of my rope.  I quit at least twice today!  We are in a really rough phase with two of our kiddos from hard places.  I heard at a conference last year the term "specialized parenting" to describe how you have to parent children with a history of abuse or trauma.  I thought of that several times today and wondered if God realized He gave these precious ones in need of specialized parenting a pretty ordinary mother who was thinking she really can't supply all they need.  So many times peole tell me, "I could never do what you do"....well, I have news for you, today, I couldn't do it either!

You see, the only way I do what I do is through total surrender! Maybe you aren't suppose to parent 9 children with four of them being 4 years apart in age.  But if God asked you to do it, you could do it...through surrender! Because I can't do it either...without surrender!

Having just finished the Christmas season, there were many times the thought, "if....." came into my mind.  "If we didn't have 8 children at home we could...." "If we didn't have four kids who are four and under we could..." If we didn't have so many children who require specialized parenting that wears. me. out we could.....  Now I know these thoughts are from the enemy and on a good day, I take them captive and shut them down before they ever take root!  But on a bad day, when things have been particularly rough, I venture down that rabbit trail just a bit in my mind.

The truth is, at any point that John and I said yes to any of the children in our home, both the adopted ones and "unplanned" biological ones, we could have said no.  We could have said to God, taking in a fifth child will cost us too much.  We are going to stay comfortable with our four and no more.  We could have said losing two from failed adoption and death is enough, we will stay content with our three.  We could have said our children have suffered enough over the past year, we are not adding a newborn and 11 month old to our family so that the healing scab is ripped off and the hemorrhaging starts again.  We could have told God, I can't do that.  And honestly, in a couple of instances, I did.  However, He would continue to speak and ask me to surrender comfort, fears, expectations, my view of a "perfect life".  And in a matter of time, I would come to a place of total surrender where my true desire was to do that which He was calling me to do!

You see, when we look at people and say, "I can't do that".  Maybe what we are saying is, I couldn't surrender that much. Just minutes ago, friends of mine said goodbye to their baby boy.  I look at their pictures and think, "I couldn't do that!"  But that baby boy and his story reached 100,000 people in the month he was on this earth.  His last post included the gospel with an invitation for those who don't know Jesus to meet Him!  That my friends, is faith and trust! That is surrender!

What is God asking you to do that you look at and say, "I can't do that!"  Is it staying in a loveless marriage?  Is it adopting a teenager from the foster system?  Is it leaving a lifelong career to follow a dream He gave you years ago?  Is it walking away from a friendship that is toxic? If you're answer to a decision you are wrestling with is, "I can't do that!"  Then perhaps you need to revisit it and ask, "What am I not willing to surrender to do that?"  You see, God asks us to give it ALL to Him!  That means my "right" to have a comfortable life because we worked hard to get here.  That means my right to use the bathroon without fingers under the door or "MOM!" being yelled from three different places for the 45.6 seconds I am in there!  Sure my life would be easier in so many ways with less children.  But I also know that every one of these children were placed here by God! And I am thankful that I didn't stop to count the cost at the moment He asked me to accept them as mine....and I am even more thankful that He didn't stop to count the cost when He sent his very own Son to the cross for me!  So what do you need to surrender to turn your "can't" into a "can"?