the next faith journey! Part Two

To get the beginning, you will need to read Part 1! J

So I went to bed early that night. Really early. I kind of left everything to John that night. I never do that! I didn’t even tuck the kids in bed. I was just kind of done adulting for the day….for the week….for the year. I was frustrated. I was mad. I was sad. I was disappointed. I could feel hopelessness starting to press in again. It’s at that point that I am beginning to recognize where it all is coming from. With God there is ALWAYS hope! So when hopelessness starts, I know the enemy is at play in my mind. I had enough with-it-ness to know I had to get back in the Word if I was going to pull myself up out of the pit I was starting to sink into!

So I set the alarm for early figuring when you go to bed at 8:30, you can afford to get up at 4:00 am to spend time with Jesus. And it was true. I woke up the next morning before my alarm went off (God often does this when He wants to talk to me! And if I get up when I wake up, I usually am wide awake and not tired the rest of the day!) but the darkness was still pressing in and I just could not do it with that first alarm. Sleep did not come with the snooze of the alarm, so I got up the next time it went off. Best move I made all day!

I went into my prayer closet and this verse card hanging on the wall immediately stuck out at me!

 

I didn’t even remember writing that! But it was P.E.R.F.E.C.T. for not only that morning but the pit I had been slipping in and out of for weeks if not months! I snapped this picture and put it on my Insta account – cause you know when you do that it means it really means something! (insert sarcastic tone and wink, wink!) But actually every time someone liked it, I got a notification which brought it right back to mind. A funny thing happened mid-morning. I had a very vague memory of a house John showed me when I woke for a brief second when he came to bed the night before. I remember thinking he was smoking crack for even showing it to me and was lucky I didn’t completely unleash on him. Remember, I was not in a good frame of mind that evening! I don’t normally unleash on my husband for any reason, but I wasn’t exactly myself! So I went to my computer to see if I could find the house.

I found it. It was as bad as I remembered. But this voice said, “that’s the house!” It wasn’t an audible voice. It was in my head. It wasn’t a booming voice in my head. But the more you walk with God, the more you learn what His “voice” sounds like. You know, like when you start dating and your new beau has to say, “This is ____” when you answer the phone (ok maybe I am dating myself here, but we did not used to have phone numbers and names print out before we answered the phone!). But after a few weeks of dating, you recognize the “hello!” on the other end of the line without them having to tell you who they are. That’s kind of how it is with God’s voice too. However, it has been awhile since I’ve heard His voice like that. In fact, He had not dropped a crazy, jump-off-the-ledge faith thought like that since He asked us to take custody of Ella and DJ – 3 years ago! But as I heard that voice,  peace followed by a crazy excitement started bubbling up in my from the inside out! I recognized that feeling immediately!

I knew John was in a meeting, so I simply texted him and asked him to call me. He asked if it was an emergency. I couldn’t hold it in! I told him no, but that I was calling our realtor about the house on Country Club Road and was calling the loan officers to get approved unless he objected! You know what I got back? A text that said:
                K. In this mornings Bethel sermon I listened to it said ‘in the kingdom all lights are green until they are red and you’ll know when they are red’

And that was all the confirmation I needed! I knew we had just taken the first step into a crazy adventure! I had NO IDEA where this adventure would lead us, but I knew I felt an excitement I had not felt in a Very. Long. Time. And I knew I loved my husband more in that moment than I had in a lifetime.

Now it just sounds like a warm and fuzzy story, right. Well, let me tell you about Country Club Road! It is priced $100,000 over our budget. It is 8,122 square feet. Hold on, don’t get too excited. In that 8,122 sq ft, there are only three bedrooms! I am not sure how that happens, but it did! We need 7. I felt sure in that much room we could find a place for four more! But it gets even better (or worse however you want to look at it!) We can tell from the pictures that we would need to get it for around half and maybe even 1/3 what they are asking to be able to purchase it and do the repairs! That's crazy talk in this market! It has been for sale for almost a year, and we would later learn has been uninhabited for almost 2 years. You can see in the pictures that it all needs painted, and it’s pretty clear that most of the carpet in the house has been ripped up. I studied the pictures that day, and the kitchen is amazing  - minus the heating lamps..no joke! heating lamps!..hanging above the island – It has many built ins in the cabinets and what I am almost positive is an industrial refrigerator/freezer like the one we left in our newly remodeled kitchen in West Texas! I found a virtual tour that had pictures with descriptions, and I started planning out the bedrooms!

As that day went on, I began to feel alive again! Truly, I had a feeling of joy and just aliveness that I had not felt in years….probably since we said yes to the babies! And God spoke to me All. Day. Long!

For instance, I had to go to the store. I bought a snack to eat on the run at the deli and placed it in the cart while I loaded my car. I turned my back to put something in the car, and a black bird with beady yellow eyes jumped up on the cart and tried to eat my snack! I started yelling and waving my arms (sure that was a sight for all the other people in the parking lot!) to get him off. He just kind of looked at me, then eventually jumped off the cart onto the ground. That voice I heard earlier said, “Don’t you see! That is exactly what the enemy is doing to you! He is jumping up to steal your joy and your dreams right out from under your nose! And just like you fought that bird off, you will have to fight him off!” It was so vivid and so direct that I teared up right there in the parking lot! That voice. His Voice spoke right to my inner being! I picked up my snack and put it in the car only to return to the cart and find the beady eyed bird back up on the cart again staring at me! Again the He spoke “I have placed this seed of faith in you. The enemy will try to steal it. He will come back even when you have protected it just like the bird and your snack! Do not let him coming back be a sign that the seed is not real. Fight him off. Remind him of his reality. He is defeated. The seed of faith will grow into your dream as long as you don’t let him steal it.” Wow! Just what I needed to hear. And in that moment I decided I was walking this journey of faith with confidence until God put up a distinct red light!

That day, I learned a valuable lesson. Hearing God say “Go!” and then answering with a “Yes!” before you even know the first step makes you feel more alive than anything this world has to offer! I looked in the mirror that night and said, “Welcome back, HollyAnn! I have missed you!” And just like that, I decided to put all fear and doubt and unbelief and fear behind me and Trust! Trust I heard His voice, trust He is good, and trust I could survive the journey – no matter where it takes us!