Well the journey continues! And as seems to be the case for the Petrees, it is a crazy ride! Last week we had three OFFERS in one day! We were so pumped and felt sure this was the reason for the delay! Three offers would mean a higher sales price. Well, you would think so! I think we may be the only people in history that can have three offers in one day and end up with no contract! We had one offer negotiated and were just waiting on the signed contract with the new conditions to be sent to us. Instead, 12 hours later, they decided to reduce their offer by $20,000! We had things going on that left even the buyers' realtors stunned! This all started last weekend...and the last of the three offers left the table of negotiation Friday.
There are all kinds of emotions and thoughts that go through your heart and head during a week like that! Most of them not good! However, the one that kept coming up and took me totally by surprise was fear. I mean like knots in your stomach, heart racing, fast breathing fear. Fear is not something I have ever really struggled with. I was a worrier in high school, but God really worked in me even with that at a pretty young age. You don't take two families to an African nation you have never been to yourself and navigate their legal system and the US immigration system for the first time to bring home 5 children with fear as a companion! Relying on God in circumstances like that had come even at a pretty low level of spiritual maturity for me....because it had to in order to do what God had called me to. So this feeling that would come over me several times a day had me puzzled! And looking for the cause and solution because I didn't like it!
Friday afternoon after John had let me know the last offer wasn't going to pan out either, I just cried out to God and asked if we were still supposed to move? I had been holding tight to promises and moving forward in faith crashing anything that threatened to stand in the way! But after last week, I was left thinking maybe I was crashing through so hard that I was missing God's redirection. I never want circumstances to dictate what God is telling me or allow them to be "signs" as to whether or not God is calling me to something, but at the same time, if God was putting up road blocks to keep us from a mistake, I wanted to back down and regroup. God didn't necessarily answer that cry with new words, but He did remind me of the promises of the move..and he reminded me of sermons and different bits of information that he had provided throughout the process at times of discouragement. It was like he was reminding me that every time we faced doubt or discouragement on this journey, he had provided some little nugget that kept us moving in the right direction...kind of like the breadcrumbs left on a trail to lead us to the end! And with that I put doubt to rest. But the fact still remained we cannot move until our house sells....and our timeline for being able to move before school starts in order to have the kids in their new school at the beginning of the year is getting really tight! So why is our house not selling?!
John sent me a text not long after I had cried out to God and put doubt to rest. He was doing some things around the house, and God had spoken to him that we would have been settling. It had been very clear that the last offer would have been very difficult to deal with, and probably not where we wanted to be on price. So God just asked John, "Why do you want to settle? Why do you not want all that I have for you?" Well, that's a great question! Bottom line, we don't....but we do still have to sell our house. So we went into the weekend somewhat encouraged and looking forward to showings being booked. And yet, we had not a single showing on Saturday or Sunday....but that was ok because God had given me a revelation Saturday morning.
I listen to the sermons out of Bethel in Redding on a regular basis. I listened to a teaching Bill Johnson gave at their Kingdom Come Conference this past week. As Bill spoke, I felt like he was talking directly to me from God! More faithfully than any other time we have stood on a promise of God that was delayed in coming, this time John and I have put into practice the weapons of warfare and contended and activated faith! We have prayed as individuals and as a couple (something we struggle to do if we are totally transparent with you!). We have written scriptures down and declared them. We have literally walked around the outside of our house and prayed for the walls blocking the sale of it to fall...we have done all the spiritual disciplines in the physical to bring breakthrough in the natural. And yet, we still do not have a buyer for our house. Bill's teaching was on exactly this. He said sometimes when breakthrough doesn't come in the warring, it is because he is not trying to show you your authority, instead he is trying to show you your IDENTITY! Sometimes God wants us to just be still and let him bring the breakthrough to us as a showing of his love and a demonstration of our identity as sons and daughters of God! Talk about mind blown......
See God has told me over and over that the sell of our house would be a demonstration of his love. Without going into all my baggage of faith journeys (that would have to be a series on its own), this journey had seemed to be lining up exactly with what I felt about God's love for me....it goes something like "you will do it for others but not me", "standing on your promises brings disappointment and frustration", "walking by faith brings maturity, but I am not sure I want to be more mature anymore". But I know those are not the Truths of scripture, and I want desperately for the Truths of scripture to be my response no matter what the circumstances. I want a different thought when someone mentions God's love to cross my mind.
Operating in authority is not a problem for me. God gave me a bold personality that definitely needed sanctifying! Through the years as he has called me to speak up for children and advocate on all levels, I have learned to operate in authority from him. So when we started this journey, I had no problem praying, declaring Truths, yielding the weapons of warfare to bring about breakthrough in authority! But what Bill was talking about was a new thing! Receiving the breakthrough simply because I am God's daughter and He loves me? (He based the teaching on Jesus telling us to come to him and receive the kingdom as little children!) Now that is something I struggle with!
As I have unpacked this over the last few days, I have realized recognizing and receiving God's love is a real struggle for me. For many, that would seem odd as I had an amazing childhood. I had a wonderful father who was an amazing (and still is!) example of a father's love for his daughter! I am still a Daddy's Girl through and through. I had a mother who was involved in everything I did and made it her life's work to raise her children. However, I was teased all through school. I learned at a very young age that my value according to the world's standards was next to nothing. I struggled to feel like I had worth. That's why I graduated third in my class in high school and was first chair flute most of my high school career. I found the things I was good at and worked hard to prove my worth in those. As that little girl and emerging young woman, I had my parents there telling me every time I broke down how much I was loved and valued. They reminded me that my worth was not in my looks. I had those constant reminders of what really mattered in life! But my adult life has been a bit of a different story.
I have spent most of my adult life fighting feelings of worthlessness and feeling like I will never measure up to ________ (so many things could fill that blank!). Please understand I am not sharing this for pity or pats on the back! I am sharing because I don't think I am the only one who struggles with this in Christian circles...especially Christian women circles! And I believe God is wanting to show us something new! We have been asked to leave churches because of our ministry that God called us to. I have been unable to serve in places I felt called to serve because I was not friends with the minister's wife or the elder's wives. Struggles in marriage, failures as a parent, the list goes on and on of how the enemy has tried desperately to steal my identity and my value as a daughter of God! And honestly, he's done a darn good job of it! The thought that God would just hand me a buyer for the house and an amazing new home without me "earning" it or proving myself or fighting a battle for it is truly a foreign concept....which I am sure is why he is asking me to do it! He is doing a new thing in me!
But can I share something?! I am almost like a giddy school girl on Christmas morning as I just sit and wait to see how he lavishes His love on me through this journey! I am totally unworthy of it, and know the depths of how undeserving I am....but that's the greatest thing! Despite all of that, he wants to do it anyway!!! I know he has tilled my heart over the last few months and probably years to be ready for this lesson! It is bringing some junk to the surfaces that is not fun, but also needs to be dealt with if I am going to walk in this new identity in freedom! Can I tell you how amazing it is to just rest?! This weekend was packed! I have no idea how we would have stopped, picked up the house and left for an hour at any moment on Saturday or Sunday! When fear would start to creep in that without showings our house will not sell, I would hear this little whisper say, "But I love you! Watch what I will do!" And fear would leave, and I would find myself actually saying a prayer of thanks that we did not have a showing! I don't have this all figured out! I am still chewing on all it means and all God is showing me, but if you have been warring for breakthrough and have not seen it, can I challenge you to go to bethel.tv, buy the Salt and Light conference, and listen to this teaching! Perhaps, like me, God is not wanting you to yield your authority, but instead is wanting you to rest in your identity! He loves us! And he is wanting desperately to show us just how much!
Tuesday, June 28, 2016
Tuesday, June 21, 2016
The Next Faith Journey: Losing Focus
Warning: This is not a pretty, neat, all the ends wrapped up with a nice lesson at the end post! It's messy!
But I have committed to documenting this journey in all transparency...so welcome to my mess!
The last two weeks have been rough! I started this journey committed to the journey. Meaning, keeping my focus on God and the day to day walk instead of focusing on an outcome. You see, when we focus on an outcome, then we have lost focus of the One Who called us to that outcome. When we focus on an outcome and our journey takes us in a different direction than that outcome, we question God's goodness, faithfulness and even at times, His existence! But when we focus on Him and the step by step of the journey, then no matter where we end up at the end of the journey we are satisfied because we have drawn close to God and learned more about His character and His love for us. I started this journey determined to do the latter!
But a few days ago, I realized my focus had shifted. You see when we started with the Country Club house, it was pretty easy to focus on the journey because the outcome was almost as scary as the journey itself....that house needed a LOT of work, and a LOT of resources to make it what we had hoped it would be. But now that we had the Austin Stone house as the outcome, the outcome became more than I had ever hoped or imagined for a home I would ever live in. That made the outcome very desirable and the journey felt excruciating!
God has spoken clearly to John and I both that this move is the process of us coming out of the wilderness and moving into our Promised Land. As God does in his very personal relationship with us, His children, and as a God who is into the details, He had given me Deuteronomy 7:1-2 as our family verse for 2016. These verses talk of the "nations" that are inhabiting the land God is calling the Israelites to inhabit. Verse 2 says, "and when the Lord your God gives them over to you, and you defeat them, then you must devote them to complete destruction." There is a whole series of posts I could do from all just that one verse has taught me this year already, but for now lets just say that the "devoting them to compete destruction" has meant for the last couple of weeks the issues in me, my kids, my marriage and my family that God knows has kept us from being all we could be as individuals and as a family (our promised land) have bubbled to the surface so we can deal with them. And can I just say when your trash bubbles to the top, well, it ain't pretty!
So with the view of the journey being a trash heap, the view of the outcome became my focus - in an unhealthy way! I knew I was in trouble when twice I heard myself telling John, "If we don't move, I don't think I will make it!" I am not quite as shallow as that comment sounds. In both cases, I was referring to the "move" in the context that it will be our promised land and these issues we are dealing with will have been put to death and defeated once and for all - put to "complete destruction!" But still, I had just put to words where my heart was - if I didn't get the outcome I wanted, then I was done. So what that really says is that the outcome is more important, more powerful, and more meaningful to me than God who called me to this journey and will be the same at the end (no matter the outcome) as He was at the beginning! So I tried desperately to regain my focus and press into God making Him the main thing again!
As we have dealt with our "nations" inhabiting our promised land (read strongholds and issues we need to submit to God), we have had to deal with some pretty heavy stuff! God has brought some things to the surface of my heart and in our family to deal with that I thought were long gone. Even this morning as I woke up, the heaviness of many of the things we are working to put to complete destruction felt like a weight sitting on my chest making it almost impossible to breath. So in keeping with my transparency of this journey with the good, the bad and the ugly (today being the latter), I just wanted to share...in case there is anyone else out there walking a path that doesn't have a nice packaged look with the bow on top just yet. I just wanted you to know you are not alone! And I also want to encourage you to keep pressing in! I am! Yesterday when the heaviness threatened to overtake me, I put on praise music, raised my hands, danced, and praised until the heaviness lifted just enough for me to feel God's love and presence! There was another day that as I drove to pick up kids at 5:00, I repeated out loud in my car, "God is good! God is faithful! God is for me, He is not against me!" I just spoke Truths whether I felt them or not until the heaviness lifted just enough that I knew I could make it through the rest of the day. This is a war we are in! Satan is not letting go of us easily as we walk toward our promised land! But keep walking! Use the weapons of warfare we have to fight back! If you need someone to share your struggles with, please message me! I am happy to stand with you...pull you along on days you need a little help, and you can do the same for me! What I know more than anything is that the enemy wants to isolate us in these times because we are much easier to take down alone! Don't let him use that strategy on you....we are the Body of Christ, and we need to help each other out in tough times! Our promised land is waiting.....
But I have committed to documenting this journey in all transparency...so welcome to my mess!
The last two weeks have been rough! I started this journey committed to the journey. Meaning, keeping my focus on God and the day to day walk instead of focusing on an outcome. You see, when we focus on an outcome, then we have lost focus of the One Who called us to that outcome. When we focus on an outcome and our journey takes us in a different direction than that outcome, we question God's goodness, faithfulness and even at times, His existence! But when we focus on Him and the step by step of the journey, then no matter where we end up at the end of the journey we are satisfied because we have drawn close to God and learned more about His character and His love for us. I started this journey determined to do the latter!
But a few days ago, I realized my focus had shifted. You see when we started with the Country Club house, it was pretty easy to focus on the journey because the outcome was almost as scary as the journey itself....that house needed a LOT of work, and a LOT of resources to make it what we had hoped it would be. But now that we had the Austin Stone house as the outcome, the outcome became more than I had ever hoped or imagined for a home I would ever live in. That made the outcome very desirable and the journey felt excruciating!
God has spoken clearly to John and I both that this move is the process of us coming out of the wilderness and moving into our Promised Land. As God does in his very personal relationship with us, His children, and as a God who is into the details, He had given me Deuteronomy 7:1-2 as our family verse for 2016. These verses talk of the "nations" that are inhabiting the land God is calling the Israelites to inhabit. Verse 2 says, "and when the Lord your God gives them over to you, and you defeat them, then you must devote them to complete destruction." There is a whole series of posts I could do from all just that one verse has taught me this year already, but for now lets just say that the "devoting them to compete destruction" has meant for the last couple of weeks the issues in me, my kids, my marriage and my family that God knows has kept us from being all we could be as individuals and as a family (our promised land) have bubbled to the surface so we can deal with them. And can I just say when your trash bubbles to the top, well, it ain't pretty!
So with the view of the journey being a trash heap, the view of the outcome became my focus - in an unhealthy way! I knew I was in trouble when twice I heard myself telling John, "If we don't move, I don't think I will make it!" I am not quite as shallow as that comment sounds. In both cases, I was referring to the "move" in the context that it will be our promised land and these issues we are dealing with will have been put to death and defeated once and for all - put to "complete destruction!" But still, I had just put to words where my heart was - if I didn't get the outcome I wanted, then I was done. So what that really says is that the outcome is more important, more powerful, and more meaningful to me than God who called me to this journey and will be the same at the end (no matter the outcome) as He was at the beginning! So I tried desperately to regain my focus and press into God making Him the main thing again!
As we have dealt with our "nations" inhabiting our promised land (read strongholds and issues we need to submit to God), we have had to deal with some pretty heavy stuff! God has brought some things to the surface of my heart and in our family to deal with that I thought were long gone. Even this morning as I woke up, the heaviness of many of the things we are working to put to complete destruction felt like a weight sitting on my chest making it almost impossible to breath. So in keeping with my transparency of this journey with the good, the bad and the ugly (today being the latter), I just wanted to share...in case there is anyone else out there walking a path that doesn't have a nice packaged look with the bow on top just yet. I just wanted you to know you are not alone! And I also want to encourage you to keep pressing in! I am! Yesterday when the heaviness threatened to overtake me, I put on praise music, raised my hands, danced, and praised until the heaviness lifted just enough for me to feel God's love and presence! There was another day that as I drove to pick up kids at 5:00, I repeated out loud in my car, "God is good! God is faithful! God is for me, He is not against me!" I just spoke Truths whether I felt them or not until the heaviness lifted just enough that I knew I could make it through the rest of the day. This is a war we are in! Satan is not letting go of us easily as we walk toward our promised land! But keep walking! Use the weapons of warfare we have to fight back! If you need someone to share your struggles with, please message me! I am happy to stand with you...pull you along on days you need a little help, and you can do the same for me! What I know more than anything is that the enemy wants to isolate us in these times because we are much easier to take down alone! Don't let him use that strategy on you....we are the Body of Christ, and we need to help each other out in tough times! Our promised land is waiting.....
Thursday, June 9, 2016
The Next Faith Journey: He's no crystal ball....
So we are still on our faith journey to our promised land. It feels like our journey has hit a great big brick wall, but we are believing by faith that the wall will crumble! So we are pressing on!
I said from the beginning that I wanted to take this journey well...to not focus on the outcome but on the daily walk. I can say that some days, I have done a really good job at that. The last week has not been one of those days.
Our house is showing almost daily. That sounds like a great thing...and ultimately it is. But when you consider there are 10 people living in our home with 4 of them being small humans, keeping a house show ready is exhausting! I found myself crying out to God to please just tell me when the house would sell! His response was epic! He was gentle. I could picture Him sitting on His throne in all his glory, shaking his head with a huge smile and a belly laugh while he said, "HollyAnn! I am not a crystal ball!" Ouch! But he didn't stop there! He went on to remind me that he is not a crystal ball because he is relational! He knows if he would just say on June 12, a couple will look at your house and offer you $xxxxx for it, that I would say thank you and then go about my days in my self-reliant and human nature way! I would check that off as "done!" and truck along. But that is not what God wants. He wants me trusting Him. He wants me resting in His promise. He wants me using those promises and those times with Him to war against the doubt and lies and hopelessness that the enemy uses to rob my joy in the journey. I know this journey is training ground!
So I have had the "I am not a crystal ball" rolling around in my head for a few days. But every day that goes without an offer is an arrow the enemy throws at my weak places. I had to take an unexpected trip back to West Texas this weekend. Everything about the trip was a disaster. I was standing on faith for another area, and again, it didn't work as I had thought or prayed it would. Discouraged didn't even begin to describe my state of being. I was desperately trying to hold to Truths....desperately trying to not waiver or be double minded. And yet, I could feel the water from the waves of the storm I was riding starting to come into the boat....
On the plane ride home, I put on my headphones, cranked up the worship music and cried out to God! I love flying! While I know it is super silly and theologically unsound, I just feel closer to God in a plane! I love looking down on the earth below and imagining what God sees yet He singles me out of ALL of that and speaks so clearly and personally. It really makes a gal feel special! Yesterday was no different. As I looked down on all the landscape and thought about our house as well as the situation I had just left, God pointed out this section of trees. It looks like a path had been cut through the trees. God began to speak about the path and our journey of faith. You see if I was at that first bend in the path, I would not be able to see the end because of the curves and turns in the path as well as the trees blocking my view. Even if I had been told that end is there and it is 2.7 miles from you, I would not know where exactly the end was because of the turns and twists in the path. I would need the clear path to direct me. God reminded me that He is the cleared path! Just like I can look down and see the entire path from the plane, He can see my journey just the same! But a person standing at the first curve of the path would not be able to see what I see and might doubt whether the path really had an end or not. He reminded me that my time with him each morning would be what would show me where to step...and as I took that step, a new section of the cleared path would be visible just as it would be for a person walking this path I was looking at. But they would have to trust that by following the cleared sections, they would get where they wanted to go. And I would have to do the same with God!
Then He had one more nugget of truth for me in the path. Don't stop! If a person were to get frustrated at the first or second or third turn because they couldn't see the end yet, and they sat down in their frustration, they would never reach the end! God knew in my heart I was sitting down on our journey. I was weary and tired and just wanted to be at the end. So I sat down. He gave me that gentle nudge to get back on my feet and keep walking because the end is there...just as clearly as I could see the end of the path I was looking at!
So I came home ready to keep the faith! I want to hold His hand and walk this journey trusting, listening and developing even more intimacy with the One who knows the end at the beginning as we journey through the turns! I want to come out on the other side of this closer to Him than when I started. So I am walking on, and He is teaching me much about myself as we walk!
I said from the beginning that I wanted to take this journey well...to not focus on the outcome but on the daily walk. I can say that some days, I have done a really good job at that. The last week has not been one of those days.
Our house is showing almost daily. That sounds like a great thing...and ultimately it is. But when you consider there are 10 people living in our home with 4 of them being small humans, keeping a house show ready is exhausting! I found myself crying out to God to please just tell me when the house would sell! His response was epic! He was gentle. I could picture Him sitting on His throne in all his glory, shaking his head with a huge smile and a belly laugh while he said, "HollyAnn! I am not a crystal ball!" Ouch! But he didn't stop there! He went on to remind me that he is not a crystal ball because he is relational! He knows if he would just say on June 12, a couple will look at your house and offer you $xxxxx for it, that I would say thank you and then go about my days in my self-reliant and human nature way! I would check that off as "done!" and truck along. But that is not what God wants. He wants me trusting Him. He wants me resting in His promise. He wants me using those promises and those times with Him to war against the doubt and lies and hopelessness that the enemy uses to rob my joy in the journey. I know this journey is training ground!
So I have had the "I am not a crystal ball" rolling around in my head for a few days. But every day that goes without an offer is an arrow the enemy throws at my weak places. I had to take an unexpected trip back to West Texas this weekend. Everything about the trip was a disaster. I was standing on faith for another area, and again, it didn't work as I had thought or prayed it would. Discouraged didn't even begin to describe my state of being. I was desperately trying to hold to Truths....desperately trying to not waiver or be double minded. And yet, I could feel the water from the waves of the storm I was riding starting to come into the boat....
On the plane ride home, I put on my headphones, cranked up the worship music and cried out to God! I love flying! While I know it is super silly and theologically unsound, I just feel closer to God in a plane! I love looking down on the earth below and imagining what God sees yet He singles me out of ALL of that and speaks so clearly and personally. It really makes a gal feel special! Yesterday was no different. As I looked down on all the landscape and thought about our house as well as the situation I had just left, God pointed out this section of trees. It looks like a path had been cut through the trees. God began to speak about the path and our journey of faith. You see if I was at that first bend in the path, I would not be able to see the end because of the curves and turns in the path as well as the trees blocking my view. Even if I had been told that end is there and it is 2.7 miles from you, I would not know where exactly the end was because of the turns and twists in the path. I would need the clear path to direct me. God reminded me that He is the cleared path! Just like I can look down and see the entire path from the plane, He can see my journey just the same! But a person standing at the first curve of the path would not be able to see what I see and might doubt whether the path really had an end or not. He reminded me that my time with him each morning would be what would show me where to step...and as I took that step, a new section of the cleared path would be visible just as it would be for a person walking this path I was looking at. But they would have to trust that by following the cleared sections, they would get where they wanted to go. And I would have to do the same with God!Then He had one more nugget of truth for me in the path. Don't stop! If a person were to get frustrated at the first or second or third turn because they couldn't see the end yet, and they sat down in their frustration, they would never reach the end! God knew in my heart I was sitting down on our journey. I was weary and tired and just wanted to be at the end. So I sat down. He gave me that gentle nudge to get back on my feet and keep walking because the end is there...just as clearly as I could see the end of the path I was looking at!
So I came home ready to keep the faith! I want to hold His hand and walk this journey trusting, listening and developing even more intimacy with the One who knows the end at the beginning as we journey through the turns! I want to come out on the other side of this closer to Him than when I started. So I am walking on, and He is teaching me much about myself as we walk!
Wednesday, June 1, 2016
The Next Faith Journey: In the Crosshairs of Satan
It would seem that as soon as I hit send on that last blog post, satan decided to sift us like wheat! What I hadn't shared because I was waiting for that really cool blog post to reveal it, ha!, was that things were progressing with our offer on the Austin Stone house. They had already verbally accepted out offer. We are just working out the details of the contract. It is an estate, so things are moving a little more slowly than they would traditionally, but still, things are moving! AND we had an offer on our house that was what we needed! It had not even hit MLS yet, and we are listing it ourselves. So everything (read circumstances) seemed to be lining up exactly with what we felt God was calling us to do! Then yesterday.
While I was taking kids to school, John calls me. The realtor for the couple buying our house, the ones who LOVE your home and really want it, had sent an email saying that they were withdrawing their offer. "Their plans had changed." And there was the first crack in the foundation I was standing on by faith.
Really, I did ok with that news. I was disappointed, but I just vocalized what I know to be true...God is still good, and God is still faithful! I did have to guard my thoughts carefully because there was a run away train of doubt and confusion and bitterness that wanted to start itself up, but I was determined to shut it down with the Truths I know about the God that I believe has called us to this journey!
To add to this day, John was leaving to go to Michigan for five days! Oh, and did I mention this is our last week of school?! So all you mommas know what that means for my week! I had traveled for work all last week (four straight days!!!!) leaving John to get the last of the house ready to show and care for all the kids. We were literally together less than two full days, and now he was leaving again. We have not been together more than four days straight in weeks! That is definitely taking its toll as our house is a bit difficult to operate as a single parent, not to mention not having your soul mate here to process with in person. I felt the wheels of the train turn just a bit.
John and I spent the day doing the, "what are you thinking" game. He had wifi on his plane, so we were messaging back and forth. I think we both started the day pretty strong. One message I got back from John was a reminder that we are taking our promised land, and satan is not going to let that happen without a fight. But as the day went on, I think we both at some point took our eyes off of the prize and put it on the problem. I was at a women's conference a few weeks ago. One of the sessions was on circling your promise and not your problem! It was a great lesson that God has brought to mind MULTIPLE times since then....and this morning as I talk to Him, he reminded me again. I definitely think we circled our problem yesterday! That's what fuels that run away train!
We had a showing yesterday morning, so that brought a little encouragement. But the hits kept coming. You see, satan don't play when it comes to keeping you off your promised land. The kids came home from school. One of them had an occurrence that really made moving a reality with regard to friends. It was the child that while there is a really strong reason to move for this child, and probably one of our biggest motivators to move, I also worry about the effects of the move on this child the most. As I watched my child process that pain, the run away train started down the hill.
To top off our fabulous (insert eye roll) day, I had a call from a realtor that wanted to pre-view the house yesterday. I had asked her to come while the kids were at school, but she asked to come at 5:30. I agreed as long as she understood that the children would be in the house. I am happy to take them somewhere and all leave for a family to view the house, but for a realtor preview (that is probably just someone wanting to talk us into listing with them), we just keep the children confined to one area. And y'all who know my children know exactly how easy that is! (insert eye roll again!) So I had littles eating popcorn praying they wouldn't spill it watching a movie in the media room. The big kids were scattered throughout the house ready for the "go" to gather in the living room. 5:30 came and went. Then 5:45, then 6. She never showed up! Ugh! The train picked up speed!
As I drove to pick up 1/2 price burgers from Sonic since cooking is impossible while keeping your kitchen spotless waiting on a realtor who never shows, so many thoughts were going through my mind. Are we doing the right thing? Our house may never sell. What if we have to come off our price so much that it puts us in financial strains? What if we don't have the money to do what needs to be done on the new house? What if we don't put up a fence fast enough and one of the toddlers drowns in the pond at the Austin Stone House? And just like that the enemy had fueled the run away train of thoughts that now sped widely down the hill of our promise! As I drove, I heard a voice say "Is that fear you feel?" Sure enough it was! I had let my thoughts get to a place where my disappointment had turned to fear. And this is what I know...fear is NEVER from God! Not that kind of fear. Not the irrational, stomach in knots because you are thinking about what "could happen" fear. That was my wake up call!
I was messaging with John, and he said it best. He sent me a message that said, "I just feel like we are in the crosshairs of satan and I just need God to show up!" To add to John's day, their plane had been rerouted from Chicago after circling for an hour due to bad weather. So they had to fly to Indiana to refuel, then back to Chicago. They missed their connecting flight so they had to rent cars and drive the last leg of their trip which was about 3 hours. So by the time he go to his hotel, he had been traveling for 13 hours! His day was worse than mine!
But as I realized my mind had taken off with the enemy's lies, I thought of John's message and I got angry! We might just be in the crosshairs of satan, but his is what I know. Any weapon satan has to use against me, the Word of God and the Body of Christ can deflect! So he can set his crosshairs on me, it doesn't mean he wins! That has already been settled. We win! The end has been written! So I just pulled out my Sword and put my crosshairs right back on him!
One of my dearest friends is actually in the process of moving also. They are trying to buy a house in this market which is crazy because in their price range, houses are getting multiple offers in hours and selling for over asking price. So they too have had quite the journey! It has been such an amazing God provision though. My friend is an amazing warrior in the kingdom and is most definitely a glass half full gal! So she has encouraged and challenged me in this journey to stay positive and focus on what I know about God just by listening to her do the same in her own circumstances. It has been iron sharpening iron lived out this week! That is why walking alone is not possible in this Christian life and why the Body of Christ is so important...but that is a whole other post for another time!
As I talked to Liz, God reminded me of the story of the twelve spies that were sent into the Promised Land before the Israelites crossed over. Ten of those spies came back and reported the circumstances...big giants that they could never defeat on their own...but Joshua and Caleb reported what God had said! They didn't deny that there were giants, they just reminded the crowd that God said he would hand their enemies over to them as they crossed over their territory into the land God had promised to give the Israelites! I wan to be like Caleb and Joshua.
Yesterday the circumstances overcame me. I focused on the things my eyes could see. As a Christ Follower, I am called to view those circumstances from my heavenly seat next to Christ at the right hand of God! And when I look from that view, I see the Promise and not the problem!
So this morning, I am committed to focus on the promise! We have a showing at 8:45, so the morning is already coming into line with God's promise! And when I get home...I think I will pack a couple of boxes as my "shield of faith" to remind the enemy that we ARE moving and to deflect those arrows he keeps trying to shoot through his crosshairs!
While I was taking kids to school, John calls me. The realtor for the couple buying our house, the ones who LOVE your home and really want it, had sent an email saying that they were withdrawing their offer. "Their plans had changed." And there was the first crack in the foundation I was standing on by faith.
Really, I did ok with that news. I was disappointed, but I just vocalized what I know to be true...God is still good, and God is still faithful! I did have to guard my thoughts carefully because there was a run away train of doubt and confusion and bitterness that wanted to start itself up, but I was determined to shut it down with the Truths I know about the God that I believe has called us to this journey!
To add to this day, John was leaving to go to Michigan for five days! Oh, and did I mention this is our last week of school?! So all you mommas know what that means for my week! I had traveled for work all last week (four straight days!!!!) leaving John to get the last of the house ready to show and care for all the kids. We were literally together less than two full days, and now he was leaving again. We have not been together more than four days straight in weeks! That is definitely taking its toll as our house is a bit difficult to operate as a single parent, not to mention not having your soul mate here to process with in person. I felt the wheels of the train turn just a bit.
John and I spent the day doing the, "what are you thinking" game. He had wifi on his plane, so we were messaging back and forth. I think we both started the day pretty strong. One message I got back from John was a reminder that we are taking our promised land, and satan is not going to let that happen without a fight. But as the day went on, I think we both at some point took our eyes off of the prize and put it on the problem. I was at a women's conference a few weeks ago. One of the sessions was on circling your promise and not your problem! It was a great lesson that God has brought to mind MULTIPLE times since then....and this morning as I talk to Him, he reminded me again. I definitely think we circled our problem yesterday! That's what fuels that run away train!
We had a showing yesterday morning, so that brought a little encouragement. But the hits kept coming. You see, satan don't play when it comes to keeping you off your promised land. The kids came home from school. One of them had an occurrence that really made moving a reality with regard to friends. It was the child that while there is a really strong reason to move for this child, and probably one of our biggest motivators to move, I also worry about the effects of the move on this child the most. As I watched my child process that pain, the run away train started down the hill.
To top off our fabulous (insert eye roll) day, I had a call from a realtor that wanted to pre-view the house yesterday. I had asked her to come while the kids were at school, but she asked to come at 5:30. I agreed as long as she understood that the children would be in the house. I am happy to take them somewhere and all leave for a family to view the house, but for a realtor preview (that is probably just someone wanting to talk us into listing with them), we just keep the children confined to one area. And y'all who know my children know exactly how easy that is! (insert eye roll again!) So I had littles eating popcorn praying they wouldn't spill it watching a movie in the media room. The big kids were scattered throughout the house ready for the "go" to gather in the living room. 5:30 came and went. Then 5:45, then 6. She never showed up! Ugh! The train picked up speed!
As I drove to pick up 1/2 price burgers from Sonic since cooking is impossible while keeping your kitchen spotless waiting on a realtor who never shows, so many thoughts were going through my mind. Are we doing the right thing? Our house may never sell. What if we have to come off our price so much that it puts us in financial strains? What if we don't have the money to do what needs to be done on the new house? What if we don't put up a fence fast enough and one of the toddlers drowns in the pond at the Austin Stone House? And just like that the enemy had fueled the run away train of thoughts that now sped widely down the hill of our promise! As I drove, I heard a voice say "Is that fear you feel?" Sure enough it was! I had let my thoughts get to a place where my disappointment had turned to fear. And this is what I know...fear is NEVER from God! Not that kind of fear. Not the irrational, stomach in knots because you are thinking about what "could happen" fear. That was my wake up call!
I was messaging with John, and he said it best. He sent me a message that said, "I just feel like we are in the crosshairs of satan and I just need God to show up!" To add to John's day, their plane had been rerouted from Chicago after circling for an hour due to bad weather. So they had to fly to Indiana to refuel, then back to Chicago. They missed their connecting flight so they had to rent cars and drive the last leg of their trip which was about 3 hours. So by the time he go to his hotel, he had been traveling for 13 hours! His day was worse than mine!
But as I realized my mind had taken off with the enemy's lies, I thought of John's message and I got angry! We might just be in the crosshairs of satan, but his is what I know. Any weapon satan has to use against me, the Word of God and the Body of Christ can deflect! So he can set his crosshairs on me, it doesn't mean he wins! That has already been settled. We win! The end has been written! So I just pulled out my Sword and put my crosshairs right back on him!
One of my dearest friends is actually in the process of moving also. They are trying to buy a house in this market which is crazy because in their price range, houses are getting multiple offers in hours and selling for over asking price. So they too have had quite the journey! It has been such an amazing God provision though. My friend is an amazing warrior in the kingdom and is most definitely a glass half full gal! So she has encouraged and challenged me in this journey to stay positive and focus on what I know about God just by listening to her do the same in her own circumstances. It has been iron sharpening iron lived out this week! That is why walking alone is not possible in this Christian life and why the Body of Christ is so important...but that is a whole other post for another time!
As I talked to Liz, God reminded me of the story of the twelve spies that were sent into the Promised Land before the Israelites crossed over. Ten of those spies came back and reported the circumstances...big giants that they could never defeat on their own...but Joshua and Caleb reported what God had said! They didn't deny that there were giants, they just reminded the crowd that God said he would hand their enemies over to them as they crossed over their territory into the land God had promised to give the Israelites! I wan to be like Caleb and Joshua.
Yesterday the circumstances overcame me. I focused on the things my eyes could see. As a Christ Follower, I am called to view those circumstances from my heavenly seat next to Christ at the right hand of God! And when I look from that view, I see the Promise and not the problem!
So this morning, I am committed to focus on the promise! We have a showing at 8:45, so the morning is already coming into line with God's promise! And when I get home...I think I will pack a couple of boxes as my "shield of faith" to remind the enemy that we ARE moving and to deflect those arrows he keeps trying to shoot through his crosshairs!
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